• Tiger Woods was briefly hospitalized after his car crashed into a fire hydrant and tree outside of his home early Friday morning. Woods suffered lacerations on his lips, but is otherwise "in good condition." [Reuters]

• Woods' wife, Elin Nordegren, who was not in the car at the time of the crash, was responsible for pulling Woods out of the crashed vehicle by smashing the back windshield with golf clubs and pulling Woods, who was drifting "in and out of consciousness" out of the car. [People]
• TMZ is reporting a markedly different version of the story, however, claiming that Elin scratched Tiger's lips up before the accident, during a fight the two had over rumors that Woods was seeing another woman. Tiger then attempted to drive away, which is when Elin hit the back windshield with the golf clubs and Tiger drove into the hydrant. Oh, dear. [TMZ]
• Woods was reportedly unconscious for six minutes after the accident occurred. [DailyMail]
• Though alcohol has been ruled out as a cause of the crash, "unspecified charges" are apparently still pending. [TimesOnline]
• Ugh: Chris Brown will be interviewed by Robin Roberts for an episode of 20/20 on December 11. [Yahoo]
• The Arabian Horse Foundation has established a scholarship in the name of Patrick Swayze and his wife as a tribute to their "love of the Arabian breed and contributions over the years to AHA youth programs." [Yahoo]
• Kevin Federline pulled out of a radio show appearance in Australia after the station advertised that he'd discuss the possibility of getting back together with his ex, Britney Spears. Says Federline's publicist: "The headline was completely out of context with the interview and Kevin is not getting back with Britney, so he said, 'F... them, I'm not going to do their show'."[News.Au]
• Cate Blanchett says that vacuuming is a "therapeutic" experience: "It's a very satisfying noise when you hear all that grit sucked up from the floor and into the machine." [People]
• Courtney Love spent her Thanksgiving at Scores with actor DJ Qualls, which somehow seems totally normal. [PageSix]
• "The success of the Twilight books comes from the fact that fans can lust after Edward and yet, certainly in the first book, there's no actual sexual contact between him and the series heroine."- Robert Pattinson [ShowbizSpy]
• Rihanna had this advice for the remaining contestants on Britain's X-Factor: "'In this industry, if they can't take the comments that the judges are giving them, then they won't be prepared for this world. This world is a lot more intense and the comments can be a lot worse." [DailyMail]
• Zachary Quinto says that playing Spock hasn't really changed life just yet: "I don't know, maybe I should be chased down the street by rabid Star Trek fans. But I engage fans on a personal level, and I engage them as myself. It's really important that those boundaries are clear, and that's always been the case in my life. It seems to be working." [JustJared]
• David Hasselhoff was hospitalized yesterday after reportedly suffering a seizure. [RadarOnline]
• Jennifer Aniston and Gwyneth Paltrow showed up "practically clutching" each other at a party in Morocco recently, which clearly means they were talking shit about their mutual ex, Brad Pitt, and his tendency to copy their haircuts. [PageSix]
• "I still am a tomboy. I love to go fishing. I love sports. I used to play ice hockey. You know, I think people only see the glamour and the parties, but when I'm at home I'm completely different."-Paris Hilton [People]
• Megan Fox is a big fan of military men: "Every time I've ever come in contact with anybody from the military. You're always the most chivalrous, polite and respectful men I've ever met." [JustJared]
• A cellmate of Roman Polanski claims that the director was given special treatment in jail, including multiple phone calls to his lawyers and his wife and access to the guards at all times via a special call button. [DailyExpress]
• Jennifer Lopez's ex-husband, Ojani Noa, plans to release home videos of Lopez sometime next week, despite a $10 million lawsuit filed by Lopez earlier this month. [RadarOnline]
• "I do have a slight disability – I had difficulty trying to express myself properly and music is a release for me. I've grown up a bit, I'm more of a lady. I accept now that my life will never be the same and I don't want it to end. It's OK. It's comfortable on my shoulders right now. I don't feel pressure, I feel a sense of humility."- Susan Boyle [DailyExpress]
• Cobra Starship (or, if you were an early 00s emo kid, Midtown) singer Gabe Saporta had his phone briefly confiscated after he was spotted taking pictures of Lindsay Lohan while she partied. "The security team didn't care that he was the deejay," says a source, "They went up to Gabe, took his camera and erased all of his pictures to make sure there were none of her drinking or looking like she was having too much fun." [PageSix]
• Carrie Fisher admits that it's still a bit weird to hear Paul Simon sing songs about their relationship: "It is kind of trippy 15, 20 years down the line to turn on the radio and hear yourself complained about in song." [DailyExpress]
• OMG, you guys: The Blind Side actually beat New Moon at the box office on Thanksgiving. [EW]
• Despite (or perhaps because of) the controversy surrounding Adam Lambert after his fairly scandalous AMA's performance, Lambert's debut album, For Your Entertainment, is selling quite well. [CNN]
• Zig-a-zag-ouch: Victoria Beckham may undergo bunion-removal surgery after years of wearing super-high heels. "She is suffering from shooting pain from the bunions," says a source, "Normally, she kicks off her shoes in the house, but she has been out so much recently in high heels that she is really feeling it." [NYDN]
• "As a gangsta ass football coach who loved his family and kids and did tha best at everything he did and didn't take shit from no one, ya dig?!"-Snoop Dogg, on how he'd like to be remembered. [Guardian]

Carrie Fisher: "Ms. Fisher relaxes backstage amid candy-colored stripes on the walls, an electrified neon strip in the bathroom (a nod to the theater's disco past) and "Star Wars" kitsch scattered around, including a painting of a white poodle with Princess Leia buns."

Gina Gershon "worked with interior-designer and artist friends to brighten the room, including placing a movable window frame over a large photo of the ocean to create an 'ocean view.' She added a machine that plays sounds of seagulls and crashing waves."

Julia Stiles, meanwhile, was totally down-to-earth: "the most striking feature ...is the photo of Serena Williams screaming at a line judge during the U.S. Open in September. 'It is a reminder for me to go out there and not censor strong emotions that I might be having on stage,' says Ms. Stiles."

Hey, I'm all for personalizing a space - thanks to a steady diet of Dorothy Draper's Decorating is Fun, I had a totally tricked-out dorm room. We all know what wonders a scented candle, a few cushions and extra-long sheets in a fetching shade can work. But...what happens after the show closes? Is the next star going to be staring at a random, be-bunned poodle and an ersatz "ocean view?" We say, what was good enough for Margo Channing is good enough for us: dressing screen, scads of flowers, greasepaint and a wise-cracking dresser are the hallmark of the true star.
A Dressing Room of One's Own [Wall Street Journal]

• Jennifer Aniston has agreed to do a weekly talk show for Oprah's new cable channel, OWN. A source says:

"She is doing this for one reason only; she absolutely wants to do it.." [NY Post]

• Madonna has arrived in Malawi to visit the girls school she is building there; a groundbreaking ceremony takes place today. [AP]
• "Lindsay Lohan has a new addiction." Shopping! Specifically: Shoes. [Gatecrasher]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin's lawyers will be in court today regarding the money missing from their joint bank account. [People]
• On November 19, Rihanna will perform in a very special location: On the Oasis of the Seas, the world's largest cruise ship, operated by Royal Caribbean. Wonder if she'll sing, "Love… Exciting and new... come aboard… We're expecting you…" [USA Today]
• Courtney Love has moved to New York because her home in Malibu has been the target of raids by people claiming to be LAPD. She says: "I tried to be charming. But one of the guys points a gun at me. My daughter, Frances, ran and hid under the house." And! "My biggest problem is that I'm Courtney Love." [NY Daily News]
• Lady Gaga's dad had heart surgery on Thursday, and she's been spending time at the hospital giving him footrubs and so on. She Tweeted: "He's my hero." [Daily Express]
• Lady Gaga is a sad little Harlequin in French Vogue. [The Life Files]
• Ivanka Trump married New York Observer publisher Jared Kushner over the weekend; pic at the link. [NY Post]
• Nick Prugo, the 18-year-old suspected of stealing from Lindsay Lohan and Audrina Patridge, had his computer seized, and it shows Google searches like "can a stolen mac be traced" and "if i register a mac can it be tracked." In addition, the computer was full of searches for the addresses of a number of celebrities whose houses were burglarized and photographs of jewelry worn by those celebs. [TMZ]
• Nick Prugo's computer also had the address of Dr. 90210 (Dr. Rey), though his home was not broken into. [TMZ]
• A source says that Nick Prugo wore Paris Hilton's heels: "He could fit into her shoes… He put them on and got into a dance and said, 'Don't I look good?'" Also, the "ring leader" of this teen thief gang is Rachel Lee, 18; she's described as a kleptomaniac. [NY Post]
• Lawyers for Jennifer Lopez have sent a cease and desist letter to shut down production of a movie about her life with her first husband, waiter and model Ojani Noa. He's claiming How I Married Jennifer Lopez: The J-lo and and Ojani Noa Story is a mockumentary and "100% parody." [The Wrap]
• Emily Blunt will wear custom John Galliano when she marries John Krasinski , in case you weren't already ridiculously jealous. [Gatecrasher]
• Sean Penn is in Cuba to interview Fidel Castro for Vanity Fair. No, really. [AFP]
• Recently divorced Amy Winehouse and Blake Formerly Incarcerated have both changed their Facebook status back to married. [Telegraph]
• Morrissey collapsed on stage and was rushed to the hospital on Sunday; he's since been discharged. [Independent]
• Susan Boyle was at a soccer match on Thursday, waving a scarf over her head, and everyone saw that her pants were undone. [MSNBC Scoop]
• A song in True Blood sparked Stephen Moyer's marriage proposal to Anna Paquin. [People]
• Jackie Jackson saw his brother Michael Jackson's movie, This Is It. He says the film is "truly riveting" and: "We get a glimpse of a true genius at work." [TMZ]
• Here's a partial set list of the songs in the Michael Jackson movie. [NY Post]
• Seventy unreleased songs created by Michael Jackson after 2004 are up for grabs; Sony Music and Universal Music may bid against each other. [NY Post]
• The man who is accused of punching Leona Lewis in the face has been sanctioned under the Mental Health Act and is not fit to go to court. [The Sun]
• In the play After Miss Julie, Sienna Miller grabs the scrotum of Jonny Lee Miller. Or at least appears to. She reveals her acting secret at the link. She also admits that ex flings Jude Law and Daniel Craig — who are also on Broadway right now — have not yet come to see her play. [NY Daily News]
• By the by, Jude Law thinks it's okay to smoke in NYC bars. [Page Six]
• As for Samantha Burke, she sold baby pix and an interview about her fling with Jude Law to a Brit mag for about $300,000. [Gatecrasher]
• In this interview, Carrie Fisher touches on bipolar disorder, doing acid, Laurence Olivier, Cary Grant, and Agnes Of God. She also pulls out her iPhone and watches her audition tape for Star Wars. [The Daily Beast]
• Shauna Sand's sex tape should be out any day now, since a handwriting expert proved that she had, in fact, signed off on it. [TMZ]
• Interesting: Paul Haggis, the Oscar-winning writer-director whose credits include Crash, Million Dollar Baby and Letters From Iwo Jima, has left the Church of Scientology. In a letter, he writes that the Church's "public sponsorship of Proposition 8, a hate-filled legislation that succeeded in taking away the civil rights of gay and
  lesbian citizens of California – rights that were granted them by the
  Supreme Court of our state – shames us." [Showbiz 411]
• Patrick Swayze's widow, Lisa Niemi, will speak publicly for the first time tomorrow at a women's conference in Long Beach, CA on a panel on loss and grieving with Elizabeth Edwards and actress Susan St. James, both of whom lost children in accidents. [NY Post]
• A man named Robert George says Glee hates women. [NY Post]
• "Fatboy Slim was 'too drunk' to have a baby." [Daily Express]
• Nadya "Octomom" Suleman's Halloween costume is horrifying, but maybe not in the way you think. [NY Post]
• Andrew Lloyd Webber has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. His rep says he is "now undergoing treatment and expects to be fully back at work before the end of the year." [AP]
• James Gandolfini and Al Sharpton seem to be having a bromance. [Page Six]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Jenna Elfman talks about how her second pregnancy is harder than her first. [E!]
• In a random online poll, Twilight's Edward Cullen has been named favorite vampire. [Mirror]
• A Run-DMC musical on Broadway? It's tricky. [Gatecrasher]
• "[I was] freaking out. Dying inside. But then when the towel dropped I was like, 'fuck that.' You just have to relax, and it's just like you're taking a shower at your house. There is no one around, you are taking a shower, it's very simple. I literally took a shower the way I take a shower." — Gilles Marini, on his Sex And The City nude scene. [BlackBook]
• "I was still showing up to work but I wasn't nearly as good as I should have been. Jon and the guys said, 'Hey, you've gotta take care of this and you've gotta take care of this now.'" — Richie Sambora, on his Bon Jovi bandmates staging an intervention and urging him to enter rehab. [Daily Express]
• Q: If you could have been born in a different century, which would it be?
  A: "Roman times. You never had to leave the couch." — Ozzy Osbourne. [Telegraph]
• "The nude scenes never felt magical. They felt like a pain in the arse." — Eric Bana on The Time Traveler's Wife. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "We didn't have trailers. That's unheard of. After Season 2, for two seasons we had a communal trailer that we all shared — me, Larry [David], Jeff [Garlin], Cheryl [Hines], any of the guests stars, we were all in the same trailer. Changing together, using the same bathroom. You think those Sex and the City girls didn't have trailers from day one? Oh yes they did!" — Susie Essman on the early days of Curb Your Enthusiasm. [Page Six]
• "I remember thinking, 'I don't know if I can do radio.' I never even listen to it. [But] There's no censorship. That's why I said yes. I couldn't imagine doing a show where I'd once again have to answer to corporate interests." — Rosie O'Donnell, on her new radio show, which she can do from home. She adds: "I don't even have a bra on! That's the best part of this job." [USA Today]
• "I take pride in saying I'm a fat girl, fabulous and thick, fluffy and tender, full and tasty. Don't it just make you happy to say that? Big from birth. Nine pounds, 13 ounces. They told my mother it was baby fat and I would grow out of it. At 41 years old, I am now 217 pounds. I didn't grow out of it. I grew into it… Am I wrong for not saying that beauty has to be blonde hair and blue eyes and a size zero? Now, that is beautiful. But beauty is also black with nappy hair, and it could be a size 52. Beauty comes in everything. It's what your eyes perceive to be beautiful. I just don't choose to buy into the foolishness of what this country says we deem is beauty. Who are you?" — Mo'Nique, who also talks about losing weight for her health, at the link. [CBS News]

• Ashlee Simpson-Wentz has been fired from Melrose Place along with co-star Colin Egglesfield, with whom she was rumored to be flirting on-set.

• Producer Todd Slavkin is trying to make it sound like it was always the plan to have Ashlee exit after filming episode 12 in January, saying, "we felt that once the murder mystery was resolved, the tone of the show was going to shift into a much more fun, romantic, sexy upbeat kind of show, and [her] character would move on." [Perez Hilton]
• Jessica Simpson and Gerard Butler: not on. A source close to Jess says: "There is nothing romantic there at all." [Us]
• Lil Wayne pled guilty to attempted weapon possession in New York today. Police say they pulled his tour bus over because they smelled pot and found a loaded gun in a Louis Vuitton bag. He is expected to be sentenced to one year behind bars. [TMZ]
• During a radio interview today, Chris Brown said he's learning a lot in his court-ordered domestic violence course and hopes fans can forgive him. "At the end of the day, I'm human," he said. "Of course you're gonna have your thoughts and opinions. I'm not gonna say they're wrong. But at the end of the day, it's not right to judge someone. People make mistakes all the time." [Radar Online]
• Teyana Taylor says her support of Chris Brown has never wavered. "A lot of people were jumping on different bandwagons and I really felt like that was wack," she said. "Before the incident between him and Rihanna, Chris had always been my brother... I've known him for four years and I was one of the only people that stood by his side when the situation happened... When he gets back to where he used to be, a lot of people are going to come running back and smiling in his face." [Vibe]
• You can listen to the moment that caused a judge to declare a mistrial in the John Travolta extortion case at the link. At a Progressive Liberal Party convention, Bahamian lawmaker Picewell Forbes screamed, "Pleasant Bridgewater is a free woman!" The judge declared a mistrial because he believes someone on the jury may have been "communicating" with Forbes. [TMZ]
• Picewell Forbes has been summoned to appear before the judge because he wants Forbes to explain himself in person. [TMZ]
• John Travolta's lawyer says "He was upset [about the mistrial] as he wanted closure. The family wants to privately begin the long and difficult healing process – as well as to properly honor Jett's memory – without the cloud of this litigation over their heads. But he said he is committed to cooperating with authorities so justice can be served." [People]
• Elizabeth Taylor was one of the first people to see the Michael Jackson concert documentary This Is It. She held a screening at her house over the weekend and, according to a source, said, "The film was pure genius and the most magnificent film," and gave it a standing ovation. [Entertainment Tonight]
• When asked if he and wife Khloe Kardashian are planning on having kids, Lamar Odom said, "Maybe one day, hopefully... That's what kings and queens are put on the earth for, to have offspring." [Us]
• Kris Jenner says the Kardashians "have a hunch" about who stole $100,000 of jewelry from Kourtney Kardashian's house. They think it was a group of "jealous" people close enough to the family to know when E!'s cameras weren't rolling and to sort out "what was real jewelry and what was costume jewelry." [Us]
• Dennis Quaid narrowly avoided a DUI when he got in his car outside a L.A. restaurant and moved it about a foot when a cop told him to get out of the car and go back inside and call a cab. A paparazzi yelled, "You don't want a DUI. You don't want to end up like Mel Gibson" and everyone laughed. [TMZ]
• Madonna will visit Malawi on Sunday to lay the foundation stone for a girls' school she's building for $15 million. [Reuters]
• So You Think You Can Dance host Cat Deely says last season when Katie Holmes was on the show Tom Cruise was, "an absolute sweetheart. He was taking videos of his little girl and wife. Just like any guy, he was incredibly proud of his spouse." [E!]
• Lady Gaga says her tour with Kanye West was cancelled because, "It just wasn't the right timing... I don't want to embellish on it too much, because I want to respect Kanye's privacy. But we just had our own reasons. We're real friends, real friends can make decisions like that, and we wanted to keep the momentum going in terms of pop music staying innovative with hip-hop and R&B, and we really wanted to do it, and it just wasn't the right time. But who's to say what will happen in the future?" [People]
• Now that the Fame Kills tour has been cancelled, Lady Gaga will do her own tour called The Monster Ball beginning on November 27. "I wanted to really put together a show that would be the most beautiful, expensive-looking, delicious show, but that my fans wouldn't have to pay a ton of money to come see," she says. [Rolling Stone]
• The Spice Girls may be reuniting for a new reality competition show in which they will search for the women to play themselves in a Spice Girls musical. [The Sun]
• Lisa Kudrow and Dan Bucatinsky are developing a comedy for Showtime based on the memoir Why the Long Face? about author Craig Chester coming to terms with his homosexuality as a child in a conservative Christian family. [Entertainment Weekly]
• Nicholas Rodriguez, a SATC newcomer who will play a "crucial" role in the wedding scene of the upcoming film, says that after the shoot Liza Minnelli said, "'I would like to have everyone's attention,' and they pulled out a stool for her at the piano and gave her a mic and she sang a favorite of her mother, Judy Garland. She said, 'Thank you for letting me play with you guys. It was so heartfelt and genuine. I got choked up and several people were sobbing like a baby, but I'm not going to name names because he might be really embarrassed." Was it Chris Noth? [People]
• Thyssen-Bornemisza museum in Madrid is planning to sell condoms featuring a portrait of David Beckham sleeping. [Guardian]
• The National Enquirer claims that John Edwards is paying for Rielle Hunter and their "love child" Frances to live in a million-dollar home near his family's mansion. Supposedly Elizabeth Edwards is fine with this. [National Enquirer]
• Robin Thicke and wife Paula Patton are expecting their first child. [Us]
• Robin Wright Penn says of the media coverage of her split from Sean Penn, "Yes, it's divorce; it's a given that it will be public. But … it's so disrespectful. 'You're an actress, you owe us this?' 'Fuck you,' is what I say." [People]
• Musicians who were outraged when they found out that their songs were cranked up to help break prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, including Pearl Jam, R.E.M., and Trent Reznor, have joined the National Campaign to Close Guantanamo. [AP]
• If Michael Lohan Tweets, don't worry: it' isn't really him. "I don't have a Twitter account, so whoever is sending these messages around is a fake and it's not me," says Lohan. [Radar Online]
• Olivia Newton-John says she feels bad for Britney Spears because compared to Brit, she didn't receive as much press coverage when she rose to fame in the late '70s. She says, "The poor girl. She has lived in a time where the paparazzi reign and we didn't have that problem at all. We'd have occasional intrusion, you know I had a few incidents, but it was nothing like it is now." [Daily Express]
• Ang Lee says he made Taking Woodstock because, "After making several tragic movies in a row, I was looking to do a comedy, and one without cynicism. It might seem a strange idea to make a comedy about Woodstock, but it was kind of bizarre and seemed like comedy material to me." [The Telegraph]
• "I won a 'Best Body Award' from Fitness Magazine and I was too embarrassed to accept it. I actually don't have a good body, but if everybody thinks so, I guess it means I'm a good actress. I have acted the part of the girl who has a very good body. If you know how to dress, there's some tricks you can pull." — Salma Hayek [Parade]
• Brace Paine says he new Gossip had hit the big time, "When we got asked to do The Simpson's theme song." [AP]
• Simon Van Kempen of RHONY says of Bethenny Frankel's impending motherhood, "Nothing prepares you for parenthood [more than] parenthood. That baby will change Bethenny for the better. It will smooth over the few rough edges she still has." [People]
• RHONY's Kelly Killoren Bensimon says she posed for Playboy because, "It's the ultimate compliment and every woman's dream. You get to be a sex symbol and work with top people in the business. It's such an honor." [Star]
• Carrie Fisher says the tackiest piece of Star Wars memorabilia she ever saw was, "The sex doll. No question. But there was one other item: There's that doll of me in the metal bikini, and George Lucas had a special one made for me where the top came off and I had tits." [NPR]

• Heidi Klum is changing her name to Heidi Samuel! Did you know that her husband's real name is Seal Henry Olusegun Olumide Adelo Samuel? Short and sweet. [TMZ]

• Last night, David Letterman apologized to female staffers and his wife, saying: "She's been horribly hurt by my behavior. If you hurt a person and it's your responsibility, you try to fix it. At that point, there's only two things that can happen. Either you make some progress and get it fixed, or you're going to fall short and perhaps not get it fixed… Let me tell you folks, I've got my work cut out for me." [NY Daily News]
• David Letterman may have violated CBS rules about supervisor/subordinate relationships. But. David Letterman doesn't work for CBS; he works for Worldwide Pants, his production company. WWP says, "We have a written policy in our employee manual that covers harassment. It is circulated to every employee every year. Dave is not in violation of our policy and no one has ever raised a complaint against him." [TMZ]
• Former Late Show staffer Stephanie Birkitt's diary reveals that she continued having sex with David Letterman even after moving in with her CBS-producer boyfriend. Birkitt told her boyfriend that the relationship was platonic and that she was "just his best friend." [NY Post]
• Craig Ferguson defended David Letterman last night: "The person you work for, the person you admire and respect, is caught in an embarrassing situation," he said. "And your job is to be funny about that, whilst trying to keep your own job." [AP]
• Roman Polanski will find out whether he will be granted a release from prison sometime this week. His legal team filed an appeal on September 29, and the Swiss government should issue a ruling by Friday. [AP]
• Uh-oh: A woman named Regina Kimbell says she showed Chris Rock her 2005 documentary, My Nappy Roots, on the set of his TV show Everybody Hates Chris back in 2007. She believes he stole her idea and turned it into Good Hair, which opens Friday. She's looking for $5 million. [TMZ]
• The judge in the Gosselin case has did not make a decision yesterday regarding the cash Jon withdrew from the joint account. We should hear something soon, though. [TMZ]
• Zondervan, the publishing house that printed Kate Gosselin's earlier books, Multiple Bles8ings and Eight Little Faces is not promoting her third book, Love is in the Mix: Making Meals into Memories on its Web site any longer. The book was supposed to come out in the fall… [MSNBC Scoop]
• OMFG: Lady Gaga on Gossip Girl? Whee! My head is exploding! [Gatecrasher]
• An LA judge ruled Friday that Dr. Arnold Klein — Michael Jackson's dermatologist — does not have the right to raise concern about the welfare of any of Jackson's three children. When asked if he had any legal relationship with the kids, the doctor was "evasive." [NY Post]
• Carrie Fisher's show, Wishful Drinking, suggests that Brad Pitt's public love triangle with Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie is the modern-day equivalent of her dad, Eddie Fisher, leaving mom Debbie Reynolds for raven-haired temptress Elizabeth Taylor. Jennifer Aniston went to see the show! Carries says: "She's a very nice girl. I didn't speak to her, but I heard that she liked it. At least, I hope she liked it." [Gatecrasher]
• The Madonna wedding pix case: Settled. She's accepted a "substantial" amount after suing the owners of The Mail for publishing stolen photos of her wedding to Guy Ritchie. [Mirror]
• "Kate Moss had a bust-up with rocker boyfriend Jamie Hince after she was grabbed by a man in a banana hammock thong at Simon Cowell's $1.6 million 50th birthday bash." [Page Six]
• Russell Brand is in love. Possibly with Katy Perry. He says: "I think I'm in love." [The Sun]
• So many Mad Men weddings! Christina Hendricks, Elisabeth Moss and now Bryan Batt, aka Salvatore Romano. He plans to marry his longtime partner, events planner Tom Cianfichi. A source says it could be Christmas in Vermont. Whee! [Ace Showbiz]
• "Naomi Watts has been named as the Hollywood actress who gives the best return on the money she is paid. The 41-year-old star's last three films made $44 for every $1 she was paid to appear." [Telegraph]
• Amy Winehouse will sing on BBC One's Strictly Come Dancing this weekend — as a backup singer for her goddaughter, 13-year-old Dionne Bromfield. [BBC News]
• Have we decided who would make a better Prince Harry? Robert Pattinson or Rupert Grint? [Telegraph]
• Brooke Burns' dog is missing. [People]
• "The 'husband' divorced by Little Britain star Matt Lucas ten months ago hanged himself yesterday. Kevin McGee, 32, who wed the comic in a 2006 civil ceremony, left a suicide note on Facebook. It declared: 'Kevin McGee thinks death is much better than life.'" [The Sun]
• Kevin McGee "is thought to have become deeply depressed over the past few months after breaking up with the comedian, and friends reported that his drug-taking had spiraled out of control." [Daily Mail]
• "Little Britain star Matt Lucas has pulled out of his lead role in a London play after the death of his former partner Kevin McGee." [BBC News]
• Someone had a seizure during an intense scene during screening of Lars von Trier's Antichrist. You know, the one where Charlotte Gainsbourg tortures Willem Dafoe's twig and berries? [Page Six]
• "The blunt truth is weed-loving rapper Method Man may go to jail because he 'forgot' to pay his taxes." [NY Post]
• Layne Staley may be gone, but Alice In Chains lives on. [CNN]
• Dr. Phil is going to be a grandpa. The kind who knows everything. [People]
• It's been 20 years since Lenny Kravitz's Let Love Rule was released? I feel old. [NY Post]
• Whatshisname is calling his divorce a "never-ending nightmare." [The Sun]
• Whatshername is planning a divorce party. [The Sun]
• "I thought I was going to die for real. I should have felt safe but at a certain point of climbing a mountain, you're in a cloud and you hear a noise that is electricity — what can they do to protect you from electricity in the cloud you're in? So they were like, 'Sit on your bag, it's made of rubber'. I went, 'Why?' They said, 'So you don't get electrocuted'. I was like, 'Hang on, I'm on a TV show!' …I prayed. It was probably about half an hour and this is after two previous meltdowns begging Jack - like, 'Cut! Seriously, rescue me!' and he was like, 'From where? There's nowhere a helicopter can land', so I had to get to the summit to get off." — Natalie Imbruglia on working with Jack Osbourne on his TV show Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie. [News.com.au]
• "I'm tired of holding this in. I don't know what to do with it anymore, so, I've decided to give some of it away." — Tyler Perry, on revealing details about his unhappy childhood, abusive father and being molested by a female neighbor at the age of 10. [NY Daily News]
• "I'm insane or stupid. I can't figure out which." — Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, on performing on Dancing With The Stars despite stress fractures in both feet. [NY Daily News]
• "Anyone who thinks we move in a post-racial society is someone who's been smoking crack." — Spike Lee, 20 years after the release of Do The Right Thing. [Guardian]
• "He's got all these strong women working for him. Strong women survive there." — An anonymous Late Show staffer, on David Letterman. [MSNBC]
• "Less is more. When I wear too much make-up, I feel like a man in drag. I prefer to be low maintenance." — Halle Berry, to In Style. [MSNBC]

• Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem are engaged, according to a source, who also reports, "They tried to keep it very private and quiet" (and apparently aren't succeeding). Some suspect this rumored engagement may be related to her rumored pregnancy.

• Cruz's rep had no comment. [Us]
• On Today this morning, Kate Gosselin said of Jon Gosselin emptying $200,000 out of their joint bank account, "When you've left your children and their mother without the funds to pay for the roof over their head, it's not acceptable... I need that money to provide for them. We were in the position after our sextuplets were born that we could not pay our bills. We did the show to provide a better life for them. Never did I think I'd be back in the same position." She suggested that Jon's new aggressive behavior may be due to the new lawyer he hired after his first dropped him a few weeks ago. "I think he's receiving bad counsel. He's always been one to listen to the one next to him," she said. [People]
• Jon Gosselin says Kate's story is, "a total fabrication." He explains, "I've never taken any money out because over 10 years, Kate handled all the banking. Over the past four years of doing the show, we accrued $2,250,000. She says in the past week I took $230,000. I have withdrawn roughly $177,000 over the course of a year, which is less than 10 percent of what we made. That's like my paycheck." He continues, "She's hiding money... We have 11 bank accounts. That was just our joint account. She had a best-selling book. Where's that million dollars? I believe she's incriminating herself and not thinking clearly. She's wanting me to look bad. I didn't want these things to come public. I didn't want this to be embarrassing for her." [People]
• On Today Kate Gosselin wore the ring Jon gave her when they renewed their vows last year and says, "I'm changing them out. I'm switching them out." She said she's planning on buying herself a ring to replace her wedding band. "We discussed a ring I might buy," she said. "It has eight little diamonds and a mother of pearl." [People]
• The money Jon Gosselin took from their joint account was their only real source of living income. The Gosselins have a $720,000 mortgage on their $1.12 million home. They haven't sold the first home and have another mortgage on that house. However, there is money set aside for the children in a trust fund. [TMZ]
• Audio and video tapes of the police sting operation targeting Pleasant Bridgewater and Tarino Lightbourne are being played in court today. In one John Travolta's attorney says he can't give them $25 million because, "John doesn't have that kind of bread ... not even lying around." On another tape Bridgewater tells the attorney, "I just want to get this over with ... I don't want to hear about it again ... I feel so badly about the whole thing." [TMZ]
• According to a transcript of the tapes, at one point John Travolta's lawyer says, "We can do a little rug merchant negotiations here." [TMZ]
• Nicole Richie was rear ended by a paparazzo today. Sources say there was an adult male passenger but her kids were not in the car. She said she was in pain but wanted to go to her own doctor, not the ER. The other driver has been arrested for driving without a license. [TMZ]
• Method Man has been arrested for allegedly failing to pay income tax for four years. If convicted, he could face four years in jail. [TMZ]
• A judge has sealed a new report on Michael Jackson's children and says he doesn't need any further updates. "It looks like the children are really doing wonderfully with their grandmother guardian," he said. [L.A. Times]
• Robert Pattinson says, "I'm trying to write some songs for the next [Twilight] movie... I don't know if it will be possible because of my schedule, but I want to do it. Music is the other side of me, it's one of the things that complete me and I wouldn't want to leave it aside for anything in the world. I have the intention of evolving in that aspect. It's something I want to develop just as much as acting. I want to have a balance between those two things." [Ok]
• On Today, a lawyer for Robert "Joe" Halderman, the man accused of trying to extort money from David Letterman, said Dave is a "master manipulator of the media," and that evidence will come out in court to exonerate Halderman. However when pressed, he couldn't say what that evidence might be. [People]
• According to a poll of 505 Late Show viewers, David Letterman's sex/extortion scandal hasn't changed their opinion of him much. 22 percent said they have a more negative perception of him now; 23 percent said they have a more positive perception of him now; and 55 percent said there is no change in their perception of Letterman. [UPI]
• Police say they found a suicide note on the computer found in the hotel room where Ryan Jenkins hanged himself. He never admits to killing Jasmine Fiore in the document, but apologizes to his friends and family for the pain he caused them. In the letter he blames Jasmine for the situation he's in and says he loves and hates her at different points. [TMZ]
• Guests at Patrick Swayze's memorial yesterday were greeted by a white horse he owned with Patrick's boots facing backwards in the stirrups, "It's an old horseman tradition," says a source. The memorial was held on the Sony Studios lot and was attended by several hundred people. "A whole dance floor was built," says another source. "The dancers did these amazing numbers." [People]
• Two independent record labels are suing Guns N' Roses for $1 million because they claim the group used songs by German musician Ulrich Schnauss on their album Chinese Democracy. [Reuters]
• Backstreet Boy Brian Litrell has H1N1. [TMZ]
• Carla Bruni-Sarkozy launched carlabrunisarkozy.org today to promote her charity work and reveal bits of her life as France's first lady, but the site crashed after being featured on the front page of several French news sites. [AFP]
• Previous reports claimed that DJ AM's property generated $3.5 million per year, but it turns out that was the total value of his properties. [TMZ]
• MTV will air DJ AM's addiction series Gone Too Far beginning on October 12. The network released a statement from his family saying, "It is our hope through airing this show that people will get to see the side of Adam that we knew and loved, not just the celebrity DJ, but the honest and caring person who gave so much of himself to help others." [TMZ]
• Antonio Banderas has been ordered to demolish part of his beachfront Spanish villa after losing a court battle. He built part of his home into a public beach area and reportedly turned down an offer to buy the land from the community for £2 million. [Daily Express]
• Eddie Cibrian's estranged wife Brandi Glanville says, "I have a new neighbor and her name is LeAnn Rimes. She's moved in a half a mile from my house and a block from my son's school. So she is completely space invading me at the moment so things are not cool," adding, "There is a point where she needs to have a sensitive side and back the F up." [Us]
• Just so you know, "Sherri Shepherd Still Has Jiggly Thighs" [People]
• Maggie Smith says receiving chemotherapy and radiotherapy treatments for breast cancer have left her "flattened" with no energy or confidence. "I'm frightened to work in theatre now. I feel very uncertain. I haven't done it for a while," said Smith, who is 74, adding, "I think it's the age I was when it happened. It takes you longer to recover, you are not so resilient." [The Daily Mail]
• Anne Heche says she won't introduce her sons to her mother because she works with Focus on the Family to preach against homosexuality. She joined the group after Heche's father, a closet homosexual who sexually abused Heche, died of AIDS in 1983. Heche says, "My mother preaches to this day the opposite of that core of my life. It is no mistake that she still stands up against love. And one wonders why I'm not rushing to have her meet my children." [Daily Express]
• Here's a blind item of sorts: Sarah Paulson says of a script she read recently, "All I can tell you is it's, like, a humongous famous actor and, like, the most famous director ever. It was like this movie is like the hottest movie and I literally threw it across the room - like, This is terrible. The state of the business right now, it's like some of the most famous actors in the world are taking parts that normally people like me could get, but now I can't get them because really famous people want them because they're not making as many movies. So when the script turns around, everyone gets all excited, and I was like, "Wow, they can have it. This thing sucks." [NY Magazine]
• Ashlee Simpson-Wentz says of Heather Locklear joining the new Melrose Place, "She's great. She's fantastic. I really, truly believe that she's part of the heart of the show. She's so sweet and has a great energy, so it's great to have her on the show." [People]
• "It's sad when you realize you can't be the angry young man anymore. The angry young man is barely ever interesting, and tolerable in his 20s. But his late 20s? Early 30s? God forbid late 30s? You can't anymore. I'm in a business where I get to make pretend for a living, so what the fuck am I angry about? There's nothing anymore; I'm a very content, middle aged man. People are like 'Ah when are Jay and Silent Bob coming back?' And I'm like 'I don't think they are. I'm fuckin' 39! I can't just put my fuckin' hat on backwards." — Kevin Smith [The Huffington Post]
• Carrie Fisher says of sharing the details of her life in various memoirs, "The fact that I can make somebody laugh at this stuff-it can be very cathartic. If you claim something, you can own it. But if you have it as a shameful secret, you're fucked; you're sitting in a room populated by elephants. I have a lot of elephants to kill. But I also have a lot to be grateful for. Most of my problems are high-class. As Mike Nichols used to say, ‘The champagne is flat and the caviar has run out-will it never end?'" [Vanity Fair]

• Kate Gossselin will be going after Jon Gosselin for "raiding" their joint bank account.

Apparently there's a court order prohibiting Jon or Kate from withdrawing any money from the account without he consent of both parties; yet Jon's taken $200,00 out. [TMZ]

• Kate Gosselin's lawyer says: "If the money is not immediately returned, we will be looking into potential claims against [Jon's lawyer] if he had any involvement with the violation of the court order… It is very disappointing that Jon Gosselin has escalated this to such an ugly place." [Radar Online, TMZ]
• Jon Gosselin's attorney, Mark Heller, was once suspended from practicing law for five years due to "professional misconduct." This was between 1994 and 1999. [Radar Online]
• BREAKING: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt took Knox and Vivi out in public! They visited a gelato store in Amman, Jordan! Pix at the link! ZOMG TWINZZZ. [Daily Mail]
• Even before David Letterman became involved with staffer Stephanie Birkitt, he had a "secret affair" with intern Holly Hester in the '90s, and his relationship with personal assistant Laurie Diamond is described as "particularly flirtatious." In addition, a source says: "Dave has a great track record of promoting women on the show — three of the five executive producers are women, and all of them have been with him for more than 20 years." [NY Post]
• Simon Cowell's 50th birthday party at sprawling estate Wrotham Park featured a huge image of Simon's smirking face, projected on an outside wall of the mansion; waiters wearing masks of Simon's face; a performance by Earth, Wind and Fire; and burlesque dancers, who whipped Ryan Seacrest. [NY Post]
• Miley Cyrus had to cancel a concert over the weekend because she is still battling strep throat. [UPI]
• Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem: Engaged. Supposedly. [Rush & Molloy]
• Elton John and David Furnish are still hoping to adopt. They'll have to put the Ukrainian toddler Elton fell in love with out of their minds, however: Furnish says, "When we found out he had a maternal grandmother, and brother and sister, we realized it wouldn't be the right thing to take him away from the family he had there. We would love to adopt Lev, but that does not seem possible under Ukrainian rules." [Daily Express]
• The mother of the toddler Elton John wanted to adopt says she will not give her kid up; the boy is in a children's home because she's an alcoholic and he was taken by social workers. [The Sun]
• "Switzerland would have arrested film director Roman Polanski on earlier visits to the country if justice authorities had been aware of his presence, a Swiss minister said in an interview published on Sunday." [Reuters]
• Precious got a standing ovation at the New York Film Festival over the weekend; Roger Friedman writes: "Expect Oscar nominations for Best Picture, Director, Adapted Screenplay, Actress (Gabby Sidibe), and one or more Supporting Actresses (Mariah, Mo'Nique)." [Showbiz 411]
• The problem with Precious? Mo'nique did not show up for the NYFF, just as she "ditched" her promotional duties during the Toronto Film Festival. [Gatecrasher]
• John Travolta testified that his son was autistic, which is in conflict with Scientology's "unofficial position" on the condition. But, this report claims, Travolta remains "firmly committed" to the Church. [TMZ]
• A DNA test has confirmed that Jude Law is indeed the father of Samantha Burke's baby. This paper calls Jude and Samantha's relationship "a brief love affair," but weren't you under the impression it was a one night stand? [Daily Express]
• Jenna Fischer's on the cover of Shape doing the classic Shape pose: Standing in water in a bikini. [JustJared]
• Chris Noth: Engaged. [People]
• A Facebook campaign has helped get an indie film starring Harry Potter redhead Rupert Grint get a distribution deal in Britain. Grint plays a Northern Irish teenager who takes drugs… and is featured in intimate bedroom scenes. In other words: Not Ron Weasely. [Gatecrasher]
• At the link, the Seinfeld cast spills about the Seinfeld reunion on Curb Your Enthusiasm. Jason Alexander, aka George Costanza, says: "It was so bizarre, I can't even describe it. It negated the idea that time had passed at all, and I was actually grateful that some of the elements of the apartment set were different, [so] it wasn't a complete mindfuck." [EW's Hollywood Insider]
• At a party in LA, Family Guy's Seth MacFarlane put the moves on Dianna Agron, aka Quinn Fabray from Glee. She wasn't interested. [Gatecrasher]
• Shia LaBeouf blatantly checks out hot chicks even when his girlfriend, Carey Mulligan, is right next to him. [Gatecrasher]
• Madonna's daughter Lourdes Leon wants to be an actress when she grows up. Do you think she's seen Swept Away ? [Daily Mail]
• Russell Crowe is in Robin Hood and is taking the character to heart: He got filmmakers to gift a £60,000 prop — a battering ram — to extras on his film, who are in a battle re-enactment group. [Daily Express]
• Beer and doughnut loving Homer Simpson in an anti-obesity campaign sponsored by the Department of Health?!?! [Mirror]
• "Housewife Kandi Burruss Devastated By Fiancé's Death."[People]
• In this piece, Vince Vaughn plays shrink and diagnoses the four couples from Couples Retreat, which he co-wrote and produced. [USA Today]
• On Carrie Fisher's Wishful Drinking: "hilariously perceptive journey" "chock-full of funny, fascinating tales." [AP]
• "Drinking is a perfectly pleasant trifle - nothing that requires or inspires great emotional commitment, but fine for a one-night stand." [USA Today]
• James Blunt has been dumped. [Daily Express]
• Candy Spelling had neck surgery and is currently in a full-body cast. [TMZ]
• As mentioned last week, Quentin Tarantino has confirmed that he will be making a third Kill Bill movie. [Variety]
• Q: I heard a rumor that you run on a treadmill in heels and sing. A: "[Laughs] No, I don't run on a treadmill in heels. That's a bit extreme. But I do practice my choreography in heels. And I have a rule that when I have my heels on, everyone has to have their heels on too. Sometimes the dancers are like, 'Oh, God, we hope Beyonce comes in late,' because I'll go all day. And in the end, I'll have blisters and my toes will have bruises. It's really hard sometimes. I still do all the boring things that everyone else does in regular workouts like squats and the treadmill. But I mainly get in shape from doing the choreography during those long 12-hour rehearsals for two months before a tour." — Beyoncé. [Reuters]
• "I'd like to get involved in videogames since I really love Wii Fit. I think it would be a great idea to incorporate choreography because for me my workout is way more fun when it involves dancing as opposed to running on a boring treadmill. So I would love to do some kind of fitness game but incorporate dance and performance into it. I think a lot of women would enjoy that." — Beyoncé. [Reuters]
• "When he walked on the stage I was like no, no, no! I knew his intentions and I knew he was standing up for art… [In the end] Taylor Swift had her moment and I didn't have to give an acceptance speech!" Beyoncé on the Kanye/VMA incident. [Mirror]
• "We mutually decided to cancel the tour. He's going to take some time off, but I'm not. Kanye and I talked about it. We talked about it a lot, as well as with Live Nation…" — Lady Gaga, who has just announced a solo tour now that the "Fame Kills" tour with Kanye West has been canceled. [Variety]
• "We're calling it a ‘vacation.' He's going away to get things sorted out." — a "source" on Kanye West possibly going to rehab. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "I went to the doctor and had an AIDS test and he told me it was positive. That was one of the worst days of my life." — Ozzy Osbourne, who did another HIV test, which came back negative. [Telegraph]
• "For the first time in my life I'm legal to drive — so watch out." — Ozzy Osbourne, who passed his driving test after the 19th attempt. [The Sun]
• "It was the most physical pain I've ever experienced. There was crying. But then you'd feel so good about falling and then getting back up and doing it again… I've never been to an overnight camp, but it felt like what I imagine that to be. Drew was just one of the girls. We'd skate and then go to the break room and talk about boys. She makes everyone feel like the most important person in the room." — Ari Graynor, aka Eva Destruction, on making Whip It. [NY Mag]
• "I know you're supposed to tell kids not to do drugs, but, kids, do it! Do weed! Don't do the other stuff, but weed is good… What you want to do is what I did, build a movie empire and, at age 38, smoke it all away." — Kevin Smith. [Page Six]
• "It is kind of disturbing, but so is putting yourself out there as far as relationships or friendships goes. It is scary and sometimes you are taking a risk. If you aren't prepared to do that you're going to have very safe options in your life, but they won't be the most exciting ones." — Anna Paquin, on vampire/human relationships in True Blood. [Telegraph]

Confession: In college, after reading her first two autobiographical novels, (Postcards from the Edge and Surrender the Pink) I wrote letters to Carrie Fisher. Lots of letters. Daily letters, about my angst, my constantly ongoing breakup, and the challenges of being the only smart person in the world besides her. They were trash and I never mailed them (or intended to), but time has proven to me that my crazy, self-absorbed 18-year-old self was onto at least one thing: Carrie Fisher is a genuine role model.

Carrie is currently making the publicity rounds to promote her new one-woman show on Broadway, Wishful Drinking, based on the same material as her recent book of the same name. Any loyal Carrie Fisher follower (correction: any loyal CF follower for reasons that have nothing to do with Star Wars) will recognize old familiar Carrie catchphrases popping up in interview after interview, like her description of her two moods as a person with bi-polar disorder: they're named Roy and Pam :

"Rollicking Roy and Sediment Pam... One mood is the meal, and the next mood is the check."

And the phrase that has become her motto:

"If my life wasn't crazy it would just be true."

In her book, and in interviews, Carrie talks about growing up in Hollywood with America's Sweetheart, Debbie Reynolds, for a mom, Eddie Fisher for a (mostly absent) dad, and Elizabeth Taylor for a (brief) stepmother. She's open about her past drug abuse, her stints in mental hospitals, her ongoing electro-shock therapy, and her powerful Hollywood agent ex-husband, with whom she had a daughter before he left her for a man. (And really, that's just the start!) None of these problems are even slightly recognizable to the average person, and yet Carrie's ability to survive it all with her wits about her, and her view of life as a dark comedy, not a tragedy, are lessons we can all learn. I'd take Carrie's journey of enlightenment as a bible over Eat Pray Love any day — now here's a broad who's survived some real problems.

In the best interview with Carrie so far on her Wishful Drinking press tour, New York Magazine got some great quotes:

On mean websites (the one to which she's referring filled me with such fan-outrage that I've silently "boycotted" it to this day):

"You know how they say you're your own worst enemy? Well, you're not. Read what they say about you on the Internet if you look fat. I don't give a shit, by the way, but they say I look like Yoda."

On fame:

"When I was just becoming conscious-around 13-is when my parents' careers began to fade," she tells me. "And I saw what it did to them. Celebrity is just obscurity biding its time."

Interviewer Amy Larocca makes a keen observation about Carrie Fisher's TMI versus that of other celebrities, mentioning that "her musings operate on a higher plane than Courtney Love's tweets or Kanye West's blog posts."

Reading Carrie's book, or reading her (scatterbrained, but sharp) personal blog, you realize what she's doing isn't TMI. She's simply owning the parts of her life that are public knowledge anyway, with grace and self-deprecation and an intelligence rarely found in celebrity writing. (Because if they were writers, they probably wouldn't be celebrities.) We're used to the train wrecks (the aforementioned Courtney Love) and the un-self aware megalomaniacs (the aforementioned Kanye, Rosie O'Donnell), but watching Carrie is, if not like watching a train wreck in reverse, at least like watching a train wreck with funny stories to tell and lessons to share. (RIP, that metaphor.) And what makes me admire her the most is the fact that her public persona, as open and vulnerable as it seems, isn't the whole story at all. Like any smart person who puts any part of his or herself out there for public consumption, she's playing an character - giving us just enough to feel like we know her, but not enough to diminish her self-respect:

"If you feel there's some part of me you're not getting, then that means that something's sacred."

The Mentalist [New York Magazine]
Carrie Fisher [Official Site]

• Jay-Z is one of the few people still on Team Kanye after the VMA incident. "I think it was rude but the way they're treating him..." says Jay-Z. "He's on the cover of every paper. He didn't kill anybody..."

• Taylor Swift's handlers ended an interview on the MJ Morning Show because the DJ wouldn't stop asking her about Kanyegate. She's already briefly addressed the controversy, and then asked him to stop three times when he kept pressing her to say more. [TMZ]
• Nicholas Prugo, who was arrested for allegedly breaking into Lindsay Lohan's house, plead guilty to cocaine possession in February and entered an 18-month drug diversion program. He was also arrested last month on unknown charges. [TMZ]
• The LAPD has a second suspect in the Lindsay Lohan/Audrina Patridge robberies: Rachel Lee. Police identified her by looking at Nicholas Prugo's Facebook friends and matching them to the surveillance video. [TMZ]
• Last night on Chelsea Lately Jennifer Aniston made fun of New Jersey, where she filmed The Bounty saying, "What is with that smell?... You know when you drive from Manhattan, and there's that one area?" Now Real Housewives of New Jersey's Danielle Staub, has invited Jen to tour of her state saying, "Why don't you see more of New Jersey before you say it smells? I would love to hang out with her. I hear she is really fabulous — but she really shouldn't say that... If you land in Newark and leave out of Newark, yeah, you will think NJ smells. But you can't judge it by one part. If it was so bad, I wouldn't be living here for 22 years." [Us]
• FYI: Brad Pitt has a "graying, growing billy-goat beard." [TMZ]
• Police have decided not to file hit-and-run charges against LeAnn Rimes for a minor accident that occurred last month when she was on her way to a rendez-vous with Eddie Cibrian. A LAPD spokeswoman says it was clear that Rimes didn't realized she'd hit the other car. [E!]
• Grounded Music is suing the Black Eyed Peas because they claim the song "Voodoo Doll" is a rip off of "Each One Teach One" by the group Groundation, which is on their label. [TMZ]
• Jessica Simpson is calling off the search for her dog Daisy. "They wanted to feel they gave it their best efforts. They felt chances were slim from the beginning. Apparently [coyotes] are quite an issue in that area," said a representative from the dog finding service Find Toto. "They were upset and hoping to find at least the remains to try and get some closure by this weekend." [E!]
• A shirtless Lego version of Iggy Pop is featured in the game Lego Rock Band. [USA Today]
• Though recent reports claimed Britney Spears propositioned male model Bekim Trenova at a casting session, sources in Brit's camp say the allegations are "completely false" and deny that she's been holding fake music video auditions to find a new boyfriend. [ONTD]
• Michelle Williams confirms in the new issue of Vogue that she and Spike Jonze have broken up saying, "The timing was impossible... I thought falling in love again was the only thing that was going to save me from the pain. This erroneous idea: It just makes things more complicated." [ONTD]
• Oprah's latest Book Club selection is Uwem Akpan's Say You're One of Them, "a collection of five short stories set in modern Africa and told from the perspective of children living amid war and famine." [N.Y. Magzine]
• In the new movie Precious, Mariah Carey sports dark circles under her eyes and a slight mustache. On today's Oprah she says she thought of her new look, "This is so ugly, man, I don't know what to do." [People]
• Yet another crazy person is suing Michael Jackson's estate, unless you believe Erle Bonner's claim that MJ stole his formulas for the "herpes cure, acne cures and arthritis cures." Bonner also claims ..."someone from the Jackson family came by my house and shot a 22 pistol in the air. They turned around in a neighbor's driveway and drove away." [TMZ]
• Jennifer Hudson says she's looking forward to seeing who her 1-month-old son, "becomes, who he takes after, what he decides to do, if he'll sing." [AP]
• Kate Gosselin guest hosted The View this morning and met Kathy Griffin. She said she saw Kathy's spoof Kate Is Enough: The Kate Gosselin Story and said, "I watched it online and I didn't know what to expect... I caught myself crackign up out loud. You're awesome." [Star]
• Kim Kardashian claimed that her pregnant sister Kourtney had been wearing Khloe's clothes, but Kourtney says, "That is absolutely not true and I told Kim that last night. I go, 'You know, I haven't one time worn Khloé's clothes since I have been pregnant,' and she was like 'I thought you have...I thought you said that; now that makes me look stupid.'" [E!]
• John Legend says it isn't his fault that he got a ticket for driving without his headlights on at night. He Tweeted: "Valet sabotaged me! didn't notice becuz the dashboard lites were on and usually I have my headlights on "auto" so they come on w the car. Valet turned them off. Oh well! More money for the California state treasury. I guess they need it." [TMZ]
• On Monday's Ellen DeGeneres Show Kelly Osbourne discusses her battle with drugs and alcohol saying, "My mom had been in a relationship with my father for years and years trying to get him sober. I was completely ashamed that I would have to go to her and now tell her that her daughter has issues as well... I felt like I let her down – but what I didn't realize was that if I would have went to her a long time ago, she would have helped me no matter what." [Perez Hilton]
• Sheryl Crow says her 2-year-old son Wyatt doesn't like it when she sings. "I want to sing to him, but right now he's like, 'Mommy, no! All done! All done!.. He's really into kids' music and is listening to a lot of Raffi. I think he thinks if I'm singing that I'm going to work," she says. [People]
• "I developed that (a fear of flying) when I turned 20. All of a sudden I got really afraid to get on airplanes. I had to come up with a way to deal with it because I didn't want to have panic attacks every time I get on a plane. I know for a fact it's not in my destiny to die listening to a Britney Spears album, so I always put that on in my (headphones) when I'm flying because I know it wont crash if I've got Britney on." — Megan Fox [Hollywood Rag]
• Anna Faris says after her first marriage ended in 2007 she had a meltdown. She explains: "I tend to be a serial monogamist. But the next thing you know, I'm single and living in an apartment full of potato chips, mustard and tons of beer. I wore this grubby Garfield t-shirt and these baggy jeans all the time. Personal hygiene? Nah. I would talk to my cat, I was drunk all the time. I would go to bars alone. I would talk to guys and be like, 'Sooo, what's your story? You wanna go out?' If they turned me down, I'd be like, 'So, what's your friend like?' It was a very selfish time in my life but also strangely liberating. I felt weirdly empowered." [Hollywood Rag]
• Carrie Fisher found a blog post in which someone said she used to be hot but now she looks like Elton John. She responded on her blog writing, "You see, I was hot when most people are hot— in my fucking 20's & part of my 30's……THEN, in an effort to imitate humans, I had a child &, to further maintain my life like disguise, I took medications for about 9 thousand years, &, despite all my efforts, I continued to get older & older—inadvertently, I assure you——I tried to arrest my development physically as WELL as emotionally, but unfortunately without as much success. I also must confess that I ate food. I'm sorry….. I realize that I promised never to eat anything but lettuce & sun flower seeds, but tragically, I was unable to keep my promise." [Perez Hilton]

Sorority Row is a generic low-budget horror film with plenty of shrieking, scantily-clad college women. In fact, the filmmakers didn't even bother to come up with an original script. The credits say it's based on the screenplay Seven Sisters, without mentioning that the script was already made into the 1983 movie The House on Sorority Row. In the film, which opens today, Megan (Audrina Patridge)'s boyfriend cheats on her and her sorority sisters, including their bitchy leader Jessica (Leah Pipes), nerdy Ellie (Rumer Willis), and token minority Claire (Jamie Chung), decide to get back at him by making him think he killed her. The hoax goes awry and she actually does die, so they dump her body and agree never to speak of it again. However, a year later they get a text from Megan and a killer in a graduation robe starts stalking them.

The nicest thing critics had to say about the film is that it isn't as bad as you might expect. They said the film had a few good one-liners, but the jokes don't start at all until halfway through the film. It seems the filmmakers couldn't decide whether to frighten audiences or make them laugh at how cheesy it is, so the sudden burst of humor seems out of place. Either way, one sister telling Chung's character she likes having her around because, "It makes me multi-cultural without having to do anything," doesn't seem all that funny. Nor can we appreciate Chung defending "roofie sex," saying, "You get laid and you get a good night's sleep."

Below, we take a look at what the critics (who could manage to get their hands on a copy) are saying about Sorority Row:

The Kansas City Star

Why didn't Summit Entertainment show it to critics? Hollywood has realized even positive reviews can't help exploitation efforts like this one.

The Guardian

Sisters are doing it for themselves in this jolly college horror flick – if by "it" you mean horrible slaughter and softcore nudity. Much of the plot and characterisation can be gleaned from a quick scan of the cast list: among these are "Bra-Clad Sister", "Trampoline Sister", "Already Drunk Sister", "Over-It Sister", as well as "Amazed Senior Guy" and "Nerdy Underclassman".

Entertainment Weekly

Snaps to Carrie Fisher for being a good sport, as the sorority's badass house mom, but don't rush the theater: The tedious flick offers little more than a few scares, and plenty of boobs. And we're not just talking about the cast.

The Boston Herald

Brain-dead as to motivation, plotting or common sense, [director] Stewart Hendler's Sorority Row scores where it counts: The carnage escalates, nicely tinged with black humor. Acting honors go to Leah Pipes' blond queen bee Jessica, who rules this roost but not her beau, the son of a senator (a colorless Matt Lanter). Pipes is a scary parody of Reese Witherspoon's Tracy Flick in Election, focused on just one thing: herself.

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

It's difficult to laugh at Sorority Row early on as the characters put their least likable traits forward. Jessica enjoys having Claire as a friend because, she says, "It makes me multi-cultural without having to do anything." Chugs defends "roofie sex," saying, "You get laid andyou get a good night's sleep." Later in the film, humor comes out more regularly, mostly thanks to rhymes-with-witch Jessica, who gets the best toss-away lines of dialogue and even takes a break from avoiding slaughter to get into a cat fight with a rival for her boyfriend's affections. As Jessica, Pipes seems to be having the most fun, but it's telling that there are few differences in the cast members' performances between early scenes when they pretend to act upset and later in the film when they're supposed to actually be terrified.

Time Out London

Sorority Row isn't as completely dire as its pedigree suggests: the script contains a few nicely barbed one-liners, while Stewart Hendler's relatively tasteful handling of the death scenes results in a few throat-grabbing shocks. And, to its credit, the movie never attempts to present its self-serving central characters as anything other than repellent, devious over-privileged monsters. But it also never delivers a decent reason for us to spend 101 minutes in their company, resulting in a shallow, occasionally diverting but largely irrelevant horror throwback.

Variety

Like the recent Drag Me to Hell, Sorority Row is fixated on oral punishment (bottles, flares). But unlike Sam Raimi's roller coaster, the script never successfully balances horror with comedy: The first half goes for the straight slice-and-dice approach, but around the halfway point, ham-fisted gallows humor suddenly — and by now inappropriately — begins to flow freely. Even Carrie Fisher's scenes as the stern, gun-totin' sorority mother (echoing her cameo in The Blues Brothers) can't choose between laughs or action.

Empire

With its endless party-hearty babble, ridiculous whodunit plot, gruesome but brief death scenes, a few funny lines (nasty sister Leah Pipes steals the show) and a bizarre Carrie Fisher-with-a-shotgun cameo, it's all slash and no stalk - a relentless series of payoffs without any build-up. A useful working definition of mindless entertainment, down to laughably gratuitous nudity, it only just scrapes a passing grade.

IGN

On a technical level, Sorority Row could be used as an example for why night exterior scenes shouldn't be shot on digital. All of the scenes set at the mine look awful; they're grainy, blurry, shifting in and out of focus like a home movie shot on an old camcorder rather than a feature film made by professionals. This hit-and-miss digital cinematography pulls the viewer right out of the movie. But what the film suffers from most is an identity crisis. Sorority Rowis never quite sure if it wants you to laugh with it or at it. The horror-comedy hybrid is perhaps the trickiest genre mash-up to get right; are you making a horror film with some moments of humor, or a comedy with some horror in it? It's the difference between Screamand Scary Movie, and a reason why so many horror-comedies don't succeed artistically or commercially. In the case of Sorority Row, one gets the distinct feeling that the filmmakers were trying to make a horror film with some comic relief in it ... until they got into the editing room, saw just how goofy their movie was, and tried to salvage it by embracing its inherent ridiculousness. But I'm just speculating.

The Orlando Sentinel

The ending of Sorority Row is bad — cheesy, worn-out, seen it in 78 horror movies before. It's almost awful enough to make you forget that the movie that came before it is — as R-rated youth-horror films go — kind of fun. It's all cheese, but at least this cheese, for the most part, doesn't stink.

Short women can only wonder at the boldness of someone like Kaya Jones, who will voluntarily remove four inches of her height by means of black-hole booties.


I'm hoping this gratuitous ruffle trend is short-lived, but I'm also hoping Working Girl ensembles like Leah Pipes' are eternal.


Keana Texeira's jolly goth flapper is a middle schooler's Hot Topic dream!


Casey Reinhardt's beggar maid would look considerably more put-together if the belt fit!


Margo Harshman's girdle swings a little Godfather II, but you can't beat an elegant column.


Briana Evigan's Mae West just cries out for a plumed headdress.


I'm over trash bag chic, but there's something kind of adorable about Jamie Chung's frock.


Caroline D'Amore: bridal lingerie on top, milkmaid on the bottom!


Oh my gosh. Rumer Willis looks amazing. If she continues to wear ensembles this completely awesome, I will concede that, despite a lack of serious career, she deserves a place in the pop culture firmament.


Let's put it this way: in 9/10 of the pictures from this event, Carrie Fisher is giving the camera the finger.


Demi Moore's dress is fussy and lumpy. And yet, she looks good. Discuss.

[Images via Getty]

• Michael Jackson won't be buried at Forest Lawn cemetery, and police sources say his body isn't going to Neverland either. Every other L.A. area cemetery denies he's headed to their facility too.

• There are rumors that the motorcade that's underway is a decoy. [TMZ]
• L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa is asking Michael Jackson fans to contribute some money to cover the $4 million today's memorial service cost the city. [TMZ]
• Diana Ross wasn't at Michael Jackson's memorial service today but she released this statement: "I am trying to find closure, I want you to know that even though I am not there at the Staples Center. I am there in my heart. I have decided to pause and be silent. This feels right for me. Michael was a personal love of mine, a treasured part of my world, part of the fabric of my life in a way that I can't seem to find words to express. Michael wanted me to be there for his children, and I will be there if they ever they need me. I hope, today brings closure for all those who loved him. Thank you Katherine and Joe for sharing your son with the world and with me. I send my love and condolences to the Jackson family." [TMZ]
• Carrie Fisher, who was friends with Michael Jackson, wrote on her blog today, "I saw Michael multiple times with his children and thought that he was a very good father. Not only based on seeing him with his children, but also based on his children themselves. They are very well behaved, respectful children, who seemed content in Michael's company. I mean, I doubt if Michael cooked for them or parented them in ways that might be considered conventional, but you could see how much he loved them and how much they loved him. In a town where you more often see children of celebrities with their nannys and in the care of others, I never saw anything like that with Michael and his children... where you might expect to see children that were pampered and spoiled, his children showed none of this." Carrie Fisher Website]
• ABC is running a never before seen 2003 interview with Debbie Rowe tonight in which she explains that she only had the kids for Michael. She says, "My kids don't call me Mom because I don't want them to." [ABC News]
• On Michael Jackson's death certificate under cause of death it says "deferred." LaToya Jackson gave the information for the death certificate. For some reason TMZ is surprised that his race is listed as "black" and his occupation is "musician." [TMZ]
• While on an aid mission to Haiti, Bill Clinton recalled when Michael Jackson agreed to perform at a 2002 Democratic Party fundraiser at New York's Apollo theater. "He basically helped save my party from terrible financial distress, so he was very kind to me personally," said Clinton. "He was an immensely gifted man and I think he basically meant well. I know about all the trouble he had in his life and I hope he will be remembered for his contribution as an artist. I hope his children turn out well. That would be the greatest tribute you could have." [AP]
• Even though President Obama was in Russia, he couldn't escape questions about Michael Jackson. He said, "You know, this is part of American culture," said Obama. "Michael Jackson, like Elvis, like Sinatra, when somebody whose captivated the imagination of the country for that long passes away, people pay attention. And I assume at some point people will start focusing again on things like nuclear weapons." [Politico]
• This past weekend Jimmy Fallon went to the White House to emcee a 4th of July USO concert. He was wearing a suit and tie, but Barack and Michelle Obama were dressed casually. The President said, "Didn't you get the memo? This is a Bar-B-Q." Michelle said, "Maybe loosen your tie. You look like you're hot," and Barack added, "maybe take off your jacket and roll up your sleeves or something." Then they laughed at him. [Entertainment Weekly]
• Justin Timberlake would like to write a memoir about playing golf and is looking for a publisher. [The Observer]
• Willow Smith, daughter of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, will make her TV debut in a one-hour episode of the Nickelodeon's series True Jackson, VP on July 25. [UPI]
• After a one-year hiatus Tom Hanks was elected to a new term on teh board of governors that oversees the Academy Awards. [Yahoo]
• Carbonfootprint.com is criticizing U2 because they've estimated the carbon footprint for their 100-date 18-month tour will be 65,000 tons of CO2. [The Independent]
• Baywatch is being made into a comedy film. It will be about two out-of-shape lifeguards trying to keep up with their fitter colleagues. Screenwriter Jeremy Garelick says, "It felt like the template to do a movie that was similar to Stripes and Police Academy, the comedies I loved growing up." [The Sun]
• Harry Potter actor Jamie Waylett, who plays Vincent Crabbe, has been charged with growing marijuana plants. He'll appear before a London court on July 16. [The Mirror]
• The producers of Lost are holding a contest, asking fans to compose a theme song for the show. [Yahoo]
• Mia Farrow's brother, Patrick Farrow, shot himself recently in his home and Radar has published all the gruesome details from the police report here: [Radar Online]
• According to a press release from Bravo, The Real Housewives of New York City has been picked up for a third season and the network is currently "casting for additional Housewives." Could that have something to do with the cast asking for more money?
• "Every time I make a film, I feel like it's my first time ... I always think they could fire me... I've ruined my own happiness and created problems with my friends because of this tendency. It takes discipline for me to stop worrying." — Penelope Cruz [People]
• "I do panic before I have to wear a really skimpy outfit, but I don't have enough willpower. I had to do a scene in a bra and shorts for the first time in two years. On the day of the shoot, I ate a pork burrito, chips and coke. Afterwards, I thought, 'I probably shouldn't have done that.' But whatever." — Blake Lively. [People]

Celebrities have the ability to reach an audience who ordinarily might not even think about (or recognize the legitimacy of) mental health concerns. While we’re not into celebrity worship here, we believe that people can use their popularity for good when they talk about mental health issues out loud and in public. The more people get talking about mental health, the more it reduces the stigmatization and misinformation about these issues.

Tara Parker-Pope of the New York Times agrees that celebrities have the power to bring attention to important issues. For instance: Michael Phelps has won Olympic medals, despite having ADHD as a kid. Carrie Fisher has bipolar disorder, yet is a funny, best-selling author. And career expert/blogger Penelope Trunk is also on board with this idea: "If you don't read about celebrities, you're missing a big learning moment," she writes. Trunk believes you can "use celebrity messes to gauge how you're doing in your own failures."

Has the exposure of stars' lives made them into examples? Made us not into voyeurs, but students? With every DUI bust, do we learn not to drink and drive? Every time we witness a celebrity crack under pressure, do we learn to ask for help? Is it possible that the public's current zest for schadenfreude is a secret, massive therapy session?

Celebrities And Mental Health [NY Times]
Make Better Decisions For Yourself By Watching Decisions Celebrities Make [Penelope Trunk's Brazen Careerist]
Related: Celebrity Psychings [Psych Central]

Earlier: New Carrie Fisher Memoir: Mom Got Me A Vibrator For Xmas

• ...Just like Lance Armstrong, Hitler, Arnold Schwarzenegger and the other dudes with a single testicle.
• But as far as we know, those dudes have bellybuttons, unlike Karolina Kurkova, the no-navel icon.
• She may have a navel, but Lori Drew has no soul.
• Michelle Obama has a soul and, according to an obsessed Salon scribe, a big butt.

• Do vampires like big butts? Maybe we'll find out as Twilight mania takes over the nation.
• Vampires seem rather chivalrous, unlike many modern men, so at least they'd let your big butt in the cab first.
• Speaking of nether regions, one time Carrie Fisher's mom got her a vibrator for Christmas.
• A wrap dress will cover up your business (usually), but is it ever flattering?
• Victoria's Secret fashion show: covering your business in maribou since 1977.
• You guys. Thank effing Gawd it's Friday! So eat, read celebrity gossip on the internet and nap the day away. You deserve it!