ANA MARIE: Gonna try a little experiment and NOT WATCH Morning Joe during our chat.

MEGAN: Well, you're not missing anything. Joe just made fun of Mika for correctly pronouncing Printemps when talking about the French department story bomb and now they are accusing Franken of trying to steal the election and arguing about the supposed LBJ fraud in Texas, but that last bit is mostly Pat Buchanan. Oh, and Erin Burnett has teased the fuck out of her hair this morning.

ANA MARIE: Buchanan nurses old wounds with great care.

MEGAN: But she did just illustrate the rule of supply and demand for Joe Scarborough by crossing her arms in front of her face, which was sort of awesome. Okay, I'll stop now, too.

ANA MARIE: I sort of wish I was watching because  wait for it  I think I'm coming around on Erin. She seems to not take herself seriously which is a rarity for a hot newsreader, who take themselves seriously so that others don't have to.

MEGAN: I mean, she just explained Econ 101 to Joe Scarborough on television with what Joe correctly identified as a cheerleading move.

ANA MARIE: Joe would know.

MEGAN: I think that says a lot about their respective collegiate experiences.

ANA MARIE: Oh, you said "experience"! I say: "Caroline Kennedy" Wait. Something's wrong there...

MEGAN: Apparently, though, according to the New York Post, she's going to bring fashion sense back to the seat by always wearing ball gowns. Just like Daniel Moynihan.

ANA MARIE: Interesting phrasing in the NYT story on her decision:

Yet Caroline Kennedy’s decision to ask Gov. David A. Paterson to appoint her to Hillary Rodham Clinton’s Senate seat suggests that she believes she is as well prepared as anyone to serve as the next senator from New York.

See, I don't actually believe you need a lot of government or elective experience to be a good senator (or president!) but I also think that VOTERS should be the ones to make that decision/take that risk.

MEGAN: That's the thing. Is there any real sense that she wouldn't get elected in a real race? New York does love its carpetbaggers, as long as they have name recognition and aren't Alan Keyes.

ANA MARIE: Then let her run! Let her make her case to the People, not to the Dumb Guv.

MEGAN: Well, but it 's the governor who's deciding.

ANA MARIE: That's my point.

MEGAN: I mean, I stand firm on one point in this: do not appoint Andrew Cuomo.

ANA MARIE: Put in a placeholder, like they did in Delaware, where Beau Biden will, yes, probably win if he runs. But it'll be the voters' fault/decision. In any case, this is going to REALLY piss off Hillary people. REALLY.

MEGAN: I hate the placeholder idea. I particularly hate it when it's done for a political dynasty.

ANA MARIE: Almost as if Paterson (or someone) planned it that way.

MEGAN: But Paterson was a huge Clinton supporter in the primary.

ANA MARIE: I know! That's what's weird! I talked to a Hillary person yesterday and this person was steaming about it. Smoke out of ears.

MEGAN: Wait, so, he's not supposed to appoint a woman? It's so hard to tell with Clinton supporters like that, as they broke down into two camps: there is no woman in the United States remotely as qualified as Hillary Clinton; or it's more important than anything to have women in higher office.

ANA MARIE: He's supposed to appoint a woman that's worked for it, I think was this person's point. Rattled off a few names that to be honest I did not recognize. Which is the problem, I guess.

MEGAN: Well, I'm sorry, there are really not that many women high up in New York politics, and Nita Lowey took herself out of the running more than a week ago.

ANA MARIE: I just hate appointments in general, I think.

MEGAN: I understand the thinking behind Carolyn Maloney, and she's great, but she's not exactly a dynamic person. Which I'm sure Chuckie-boy loves. I'll bet Chuck's pushing for Maloney.

ANA MARIE: He would like to fill the seat himself. His ego certainly could use the extra room.

MEGAN: I mean, in a state where some incumbents won with more than 90% of the vote  and the average is about 70, if I'm eyeballing it  how is it not basically a state of appointments? It's just the appointments are made by local or state party officials.

ANA MARIE: I guess that's why we just keep having national elections, too, even though you can predict those results pretty well sometimes: It's what democracies do. You could cut out the pesky voter-middleman but that sets a bad example.

MEGAN: I guess I'm just agnostic on appointing Senators, since I'm not really sure what the difference is between that and the regular system, at least in New York.

ANA MARIE: Oh, and speaking of bad examples: Shoe thrower folk hero?

MEGAN: Poor guy is probably getting the shit beaten out of him as we type, which totally won't make him any more of one.

ANA MARIE: And it sort of undermines Bush's weird logic that shoe-throwing is just what happens in "free societies." If true, I have missed all the major shoe throwing events in Washington.

MEGAN: I would never throw my shoes unless it was a pair I didn't like anymore, but I usually donate those to Goodwill anyway.

ANA MARIE: Seems to me that shoe-throwing really more of a mark of a DESPERATE society:

China's Foreign Ministry spokesman said he would be watching out for journalists taking off their shoes in news conferences after an Iraqi reporter threw a pair at outgoing U.S. President George W. Bush in Baghdad.

MEGAN: However, if I knew there was to be an official shoe throwing event  perhaps in concert with a dunk tank?  I would totally get a pair.

ANA MARIE: Flip flops! Those size 10s, they seem a little deadly.

MEGAN: I wear a 6 and 1/2 shoe, I think I would fall on my face if I attempted to walk in size 10 flip flops.

ANA MARIE: Wow, TINY feet. You must clean up at sales. They are always out of 71/2s. AND SPEAKING OF CLEANING UP (don't you love how I do that?): Jay Carney, the last employed journalist in Washington. Finally he will earn some money out of flacking for Obama-Biden team ! (Just kidding, Jay!)

MEGAN: Man, he went and got a grown-up job. Some days, I feel like I need one of those.

ANA MARIE: Oh, I don't know how grown up it is. I mean, a large part of any comm director job is schmoozing, which Jay already has ninja-level skillz in. And what with Joe Biden shrinking down the job of VP to "puppy snuggling" and funerals, I'm not sure what's left for Jay to do. But I'm sure he'll do it well.

MEGAN: I am an excellent puppy snuggler, if Jay needs a deputy.

ANA MARIE: He also was totally rocking the suit jacket/buttondown/no-tie look LONG before BHO.

MEGAN: But did you know he was a Democrat, unlike your other colleague Joe Klein?

ANA MARIE: Uhm, yes.

MEGAN: Yeah, I didn't figure details like that would escape you.

ANA MARIE: Maybe I had more drinks with him than Joe did, though that seems unlikely. Ask the McCain people if THEY knew he was a Dem!

MEGAN: The McCain people thought the entire press corps were Dems by the end. If Bill Kristol had been on the plane, they probably would've called him in the tank for Obama.

ANA MARIE: And, obv, the funny part is that the people on the Obama plane were the least tanky. They were, on the whole, the most critical. And, seriously, I think Jay will be great in this job and I've always thought his writing was more elegant than most newsmag stuff (and he's actually quite funny tho that rarely made it into print) but... Don't Rs have every right to be pissed? That might be the wrong way to put it. It just confirms their worst suspicions.

MEGAN: Well, they might except how many of their writers went to work for McCain? I'm looking at Michael Goldfarb here.

ANA MARIE: If you want to equate Time and the Weekly Standard, I'm fine with that but I doubt either of the magazines would be. And, in the end, it comes down to what the written record is.

MEGAN: Well, I'm not talking about the magazine but the writer. Is Goldfarb going to admit that everything he ever wrote was intellectually disingenuous and hacky and aimed at getting someone specific elected? Probably not, right? Then he should shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down.

ANA MARIE: Or if people want to spend a few years going through everything Jay's ever written looking for bias, well, it'll be more enjoyable than reading the ourve of others, and that's pretty much the only way to actually make a serious case out of the argument. Everything else is just generic whining.

MEGAN: And no one likes a whiner.

ANA MARIE: It does tend to go hand in hand with losing.

LATOYA: Where do you want to start this morning? We've got a piping hot plate of hot mess to go through.

MEGAN: Well, being as this is a women's blog, we should do something woman-y, and I nominate the news that the McCain campaign spent $110,000 on hair and make-up for Sarah Palin in 10 weeks and $180,000 on clothing and accessories for the Palin clan  which is $30,000 more than initially reported.

LATOYA: Oh, I forgot to tell you.

MEGAN: That, by the way, means they spent more on hair and make-up and clothing and accessories than my condo is worth.

LATOYA: I have personally instituted a ban on discussing anything to do with Palin. As far as I am concerned, she is irrelevant. If she manages a resurrection and comes back to haunt us in 2012, so be it.

MEGAN: What are you going to do when she opens up an exploratory committee in 2010?

LATOYA: But until then, I'd love to see her fade into obscurity. She should be remembered, fondly, like Ross Perot.

MEGAN: Ok, but can we discuss that kind of money?

LATOYA: Thanks for the memories of shout outs at VP debates, but you need to mosey along now. Take your folksy ways and return to the ice cave. I mean, we can discuss the money. But somehow, I can't muster up indignant outrage.

MEGAN: Like, I will guarantee that there's no way on God's green earth that I have spent $110,000 on hair and make-up in my lifetime, even though I've been highlighting my hair for about 6 years.

LATOYA: Maybe if I had bought that whole "salt of the earth, of the white people, heartland of real America" tripe they were selling. Homegirl was just an opportunist. Cindy McCain was rocking nice clothes — why shouldn't she?

MEGAN: Totally. Look, if RNC donors want to give me $180,000 in clothes, I will totally run for office as a Republican. They can even call me A Maverick over and over again because of my support of reproductive choice.

LATOYA: And it's obvious they had the money. If the first card maxed out and they let her keep going, I say get what you get. Credit Cards come with limits.

MEGAN: But Republican money never ends!

LATOYA: That's why they're Republicans. They're supposed to have money, want to keep money, spend their money the way they want, and tell the gov't to mind their damn business. That's what I expect from Republicans. It's comforting that way.

MEGAN: Yeah, I get that. So, moving on, want to talk about NOW and the Feminist Majority Foundation going metaphorical balls to the wall to promote Congresswoman Carolyn McCarthy for Clinton's Senate seat?

LATOYA: Why not? Obviously, the dice are lucky.

MEGAN: Because I don't like the idea that a woman's seat ought to be filled by a woman, but McCarthy does have an established record on women's rights issues and is generally cool. But, mostly, I wish to continue pressing the point that Attorney General Andrew Cuomo is an unmitigated casual racist not deserving of elected office but certainly not deserving of an appointment to a lifetime Senate seat by David Paterson, the state's first African-American governor.

LATOYA: Hmm, well, I am not so sure about Cuomo. Then again, I'm only thinking about his record at HUD.

MEGAN: Well, then, there's a question. If you have a good record of doing decent things for the community as a whole while tossing around the phrase "shucking and jiving" in reference to an African-American candidate for the Presidency, followed by a steadfast insistence that it is actually not a racist term after the world notices that you said it, what should a politically active person do? Because I choose to call him a racist and think that he should go fuck himself.

LATOYA: Oh, I wasn't sure about the appointment, not your comment on casual racism. I think his HUD record proves he doesn't care about black people.

MEGAN: Then, yeah, fuck that guy.

LATOYA: But back to the original point, I understand what you're saying about not wanting to do this tit for tat seating thing. But I can understand where NOW is coming from, especially with the whispers of sexism around this bailout committee.

Frank credited the current resistance to doing more about foreclosures to ruffled male feathers. “I think part of the problem now is that, to be honest, Shelia Bair has annoyed the Old Boys Club.” He likened the situation to several regulators “up in the treehouse with a ‘No Girls Allowed’ sign.”

MEGAN: I know! I could not believe that shit when I heard it from Moe. I was like, wait, the new Democratic Treasury Secretary is mad about the (technically independent) FDIC chair telling Bush to go fuck himself while she's trying to save Real Americans?

LATOYA: Pretty much. Just call it the "Fuck that bitch" doctrine. She is showing people up so she has got to go.

MEGAN: Also, I think saying that she has to go is akin to when McCain said he would fire Chris Cox at the SEC. I mean, it's their fucking government, you think they could learn who is supposed to be independent  and therefore given a term  and who is supposed to be a sycophant. Tim Geithner either needs to say a bunch more stupid shit so Obama withdraws his name, or get his head screwed on straight. Yo, Tim, you can throw all the money you want at Wall Street and get them to lower interest rates, but if no one has a fucking house in 2 years, the economy is still going to be fucked, and that's what Sheila Bair is trying to prevent, you dumb cunt.

LATOYA: I think prevention is a dirty word to some people. Kind of reminds them of socialism.

MEGAN: But the Republicans promised that we were electing a dirty socialist! They promised!

LATOYA: The Republicans are promising a lot of stuff, but one hand doesn't know what the other hand is doing. Like this rift between the religious right and the ...um...regular right.

MEGAN: This part is kind of awesome.

Ponnuru acknowledges that social conservatives “could present themselves more attractively,” and “pick their spokesmen more wisely.”

No, asshole, at the end of the day, you're still advocating for a fucking theocracy and I am gonna notice no matter how much you pay for Sarah Palin's stylists.

LATOYA: She even used the term Oogedy-Boodgey.

First, to the origins. “Oogedy-boogedy” was bequeathed to me several years ago by my dear, departed friend, political cartoonist Doug Marlette. We were doubtless talking about our shared Southern heritage, about which one does not speak long without mentioning religion.

And, you betcha, oogedy-boogedy.

Marlette, whose childhood was spent among Pentecostals, Baptists, and other passionate believers, had religion in his bones and forgot more scripture than most preachers can recall on a given Sunday. He also won a Pulitzer Prize for his lampooning of Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker (peace be upon them) and their “PTL Club.”

If Jim and Tammy Faye put you in mind of oogedy-boogedy, you’re getting warm.

Now, I'm going to be saying Oogedy Boogedy all day.

MEGAN: And, Republican dudes, if you can't figure out what it means, I don't think you get to call me an Un-Real American anymore.

LATOYA: Rick Warren, talking about capping foreign leaders because the bible says so? Oogedy Boogedy!

MEGAN: Also, how is the world not fucking scared of that shit? Spencer said it best: if it was a Muslim preacher saying on national TV abroad that the Koran says they need to suicide bomb us, we would be flipping the fuck out. But a white guy? No, that's cool.

LATOYA: Selective memory. Side effect of the oogedy boogedy.

MEGAN: So, is the oogedy-boogedy something you catch from the Bible, or from other Jeebus-freaks?

LATOYA: Apparently, the bible is OK. It's the freak part that leads to the oogedy boogedy. There have been other strange happenings as well, outside of religion. Like Michelle Malkin talking sense.

MEGAN: Michelle Malkin has been talking some sense on and off again all year and it is sort of freaking me the fuck out in general.

LATOYA: She's done this a couple times before. I'm always kind of shocked, because I can't reconcile a sensible column with the author of "In Defense of Internment." I don't know whether to read or avoid. On her worst days, she makes me want to put my eyes out, Oedipus style, so I do not have to see what senselessness has wrought. But on other days, I wonder if I should move her and Kathleen Parker into regular rotation.

MEGAN: Is it terribly condescending to think that Malkin grew up a little? That after wallowing around in all that scary, informed-only-by-fear filth she sort of looked around at her compatriots, commenters and ass-kissers and thought to herself, damn, these people are crazy?

LATOYA: Then again, we both now she is one "banana cream pie"column (that link is NSFW) away from being in they "why did I ever think we could hang" category. And speaking of even more crazy shit — do you know they are trying to challenge Obama's citizenship?

MEGAN: I am hoping the problem is not just that other wannabe columnists have not decided to out-Malkin Malkin by being crazier, thus making her seem less insane in the process. Yeah, dude, that is some crazytown fucking shit. There are suits claiming the birth certificate is fake, and others claiming that because his father wasn't American, he doesn't qualify.

LATOYA: Remember that Colbert Report segment on Obama going to this crazy foreign nation of Hawaii? Yeah, someone must have forgotten the Colbert Report isn't real news.

MEGAN: Dude! If only! Actually, they are claiming that his mother actually gave birth to him in Kenya but faked that it happened in Hawai'i.

LATOYA: I mean, damn, the birth certificate is online. Hawaii published a column announcing it. WTF?

MEGAN: In this alterna-universe, claiming Hawai'i doesn't count is actually less cray-cray than what they are really claiming. They claim that all that stuff has been faked, as though he's an actual Manchurian candidate.

LATOYA: Oh wait, are you talking about that guy who is suing "the "Peoples Association of Human, Animals Conceived God/s and Religions, John McCain (and) USA Govt." The plaintiff previously sought to sue Wikipedia and "All News Media." Or is he just some fresh crazy? And Clarence Thomas picked up this lawsuit, to presumably dismiss it, which is making blogger like Karynthia get pissed off for having to defend him.

MEGAN: Dude, Alan Keyes filed one of the lawsuits. There are multiple strains of crazy at work.

LATOYA: I expected that. Do you want to talk about terrorism crazy now, or international government crazy?

MEGAN: Oh, it's so hard to decide. I was going to say that we should read what the nanny of the Jewish toddler said about rescuing him because it's sort of awesome in a We-Are-The-World kind of way that transcends race, but we can stick with crazy.

"First thing is that a baby is very important for me and this baby is something very precious to me and that's what made me just not think anything  just pick up the baby and run," Samuel said.

"When I hear gunshot, it's not one or 20. It's like a hundred gunshots," she added. "Even I'm a mother of two children so I just pick up the baby and run. Does anyone think of dying at the moment when there's a small, precious baby?"

LATOYA: I applaud that woman. I am also giving a half-hearted applause to Condi for calling out Mugabe and his general douchbagginess toward his people. The applause is half hearted because we only selectively seek to remove dictators that are screwing with us. Or, rather, standing in the way of something we want.

MEGAN: Right, although, if we're giving Condi a golf clap, we probably have to shout out Raila Odinga, the Kenyan PM, who sorta beat her to the punch on that.

LATOYA: He gets full applause.

MEGAN: I mean, Odinga even beat South African President Kgalema Motlanthe, who probably could have done it as his first act in office or something.

LATOYA: Meanwhile, our neighbors to the South have crazy drug war drama and our neighbors to the North have crazy Parliament drama. Is it just me, or are global current events starting to read like The Days of Our Lives?

MEGAN: OMG, Latoya, seriously, I used to watch Days of Our Lives sort of obsessively. And by sort of obsessively, I mean, once upon a time I stood in line at the mall to get an autography from and picture with Matthew Ashford. That I still have.

LATOYA: And your verdict is?

MEGAN: Days of Our Lives once featured a plot line in which Marlena, possessed by the actual devil wreaked havoc on Salem. I think it's a valid comparison to world events.

LATOYA: Hahahahahahahha — true! I'm about to go get some breakfast (Mocha Hut!) but I did want to leave with this gem. The ignored truth about Iraq is contained in an old ass booklet.

Republished in 2008 by Dark Horse Publications, the tiny booklet for troops heading to protect the Persian Gulf’s oilfields and supply routes is a pronunciation, cultural and religious survival manual whose wisdom applies to Iraq (i-RAHK) during the era of the Toyota pickup truck and Al Qaeda in Mesopotamia as much as to the age of the camel and the Luftwaffe.

“Show respect to all older persons,” writes the anonymous author.

“American success or failure in Iraq may well depend on whether the Iraqis (as the people are called) like American soldiers or not. It may not be quite that simple. But then again it could.”

MEGAN: Sigh.

LATOYA: The book is so old that Muslim is still spelled Moslem and Israel doesn't exist yet (while Iran is a footnote) and yet, the advice is still kind of pertinent.

MEGAN:

“You aren’t going to Iraq to change the Iraqis. Just the opposite.”

LATOYA: Alright — I am out. Pumpkin chai and salmon cake on a bagel, here I come. Thanks, Megan for a fun week, and thanks Jezzies, for the fun conversations. (And pics! Loved that!)