• The Ad Standards ruling also said that the imagery is "dream-like," which makes it somewhat removed from reality, and thus inoffensive. • The Louisiana judge who refused to marry an interracial couple has announced his resignation. Keith Bardwell admitted that this was not the first time he had discriminated against couples based on race, and that he routinely recused himself from marrying couples that he felt would create an unhealthy environment for children. •  New research shows that kissing may help boost the immunity system of pregnant women. Doctors believe that if a couple smooches for six months during the pregnancy, the mother builds up protection against a certain virus that could harm her fetus. •  Three college students that went missing in North Dakota on Sunday have been found dead. Their bodies were found trapped in a car at the bottom of a stock pond. Authorities say they do not suspect foul play, and believe it was most likely a tragic accident. •  The defense team for Casey Anthony is arguing that the charges brought against Anthony are too vague, and should be dropped. "Instead of starting with the crime and figuring out who did it, the state has essentially started with who did it and is now trying to figure out what crime she might have committed," read the motion filed Tuesday. • A new law in Australia may raise the salaries of women working in homeless and domestic violence shelters by as much as 30%. The Fair Work Act would increase compensation for "feminized" work so that it more closely matches pay for similar "male occupations." • A new study has found that eating quickly makes it more likely that you will overeat, and thus achieve the dreaded food baby stage. Speed eating slows the release of hormones that signal fullness, so scarfing down multiple burgers in a ten minute span is not actually the great idea it might seem. • A 13-year-old cat in Iowa has become the first feline to be diagnosed with swine flu. But the Iowa Department of Health says that this is "not completely unexpected," and that other flu strains have been found in cats in the past. • A portrait of a disabled swimmer has won photographer Paul Floyd Blake a $19,000 prize from the National Portrait Gallery. "She had just swum a personal best in her event and I think that's why she has such a confident, self-assured look in the portrait," said Blake. Blake's 13-year-old swimmer says she hopes to go on to compete in the Paralympics. • Former Silicon Valley executive Carly Fiorina announced today that she is running for Senate against Barbara Boxer, a three-term Democrat. She depicted Boxer as a do-nothing who just writes novels while Californians face real problems and said, "What do you say that come next year, we give Barbara Boxer the chance to become a full-time novelist?" • According to resent research from Florida State University, discrimination is a major threat to the mental health of African American women. Women who reported experiencing discrimination were more prone to depression and less psychologically resilient than those who felt more "in control" of their lives. • Though abortion is only legal under very limited circumstances in Pakistan, a study by the National Committee for Maternal and Neonatal Health estimate that 890,000 abortions were performed there in 2002. Most of these abortions took place in clandestine and unsafe conditions and as a result, many of the women who sought them out suffered health complications or death. • Israeli researchers studied 2,700 twin pregnancies and found that the risk of premature delivery was highest when both twins are male and lowest when they are both female. The findings support the theory that the "male factor" raises the odds of pregnancy complications. • Photos of Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader Whitney Isleib wearing blackface for her Lil Wayne Halloween costume were posted on the Gawker blog Deadspin and later removed. "We are aware of the images and we are handling it internally," said Brett Daniels, a spokesman for the team. • 18-year-old Tiffany M. Wallace has plead guilty to ramming her pickup into another car, then throwing ranch dressing at the car. She was arrested in Idaho after a man said she cut him off, then threw coins and plastic containers of dressing at him. • At the end of a speech at a Wisconsin middle school today , President Obama told an anecdote about his daughter Malia. "These aren't in my prepared remarks, but I think it's important to note, kids slack off... And part of our job as parents is not to just tell our kids what to do but to start instilling in them the sense that they want to do it themselves..." Recently Malia came home with a 73 on a test and told explained to her dad "what she planned to do about it." When she came home with a 95 yesterday she told him, "I just like having knowledge." •

In a Washington Post editorial today, columnist Kathleen Parker hails entrepreneurs Meg Whitman and Carly Fiorina and famous daughters Meghan McCain and Liz Cheney as "a glimpse at what could become a surge of hormonal correction on the conservative side." Whitman is running for governor of California, Fiorina is challenging Barbara Boxer in the Senate, Liz Cheney just started a new website, and Meghan McCain is, well, Meghan McCain. Parker points out that these women — especially those actually campaigning — might help mitigate the dearth of powerful women in the Republican party, which currently boasts only three female governors. She writes,

This deficit in high office is both a taint on the GOP and a reflection of the broader assumption that Republicans are monolithically against women's rights. Specifically, the party's pro-life platform alienates pro-choice women, as well as moderates, who otherwise might find common cause with conservative principles.

Women such as pro-choice Whitman and "personally" pro-life Fiorina could help change that impression, while also raising other issues women care about. Fiorina caused a slight ripple in the Republican zeitgeist during McCain's campaign when she criticized insurance companies for covering Viagra and not birth control.

Parker points out that Meghan McCain is pretty liberal on social issues too, and that she, Whitman, and Fiorina might represent an emerging breed of Republican woman — one ready to roll back some of the GOP's more woman-hating policies. This would presumably be good for women who are, say, fiscally conservative, but who have felt alienated by the party's direction in the last 20 years or so. That said, Liz Cheney is pretty much a chip off the old block of grade-A evil, and Parker's predictions of a woman-led tide of greater ideological diversity slam up short when they hit one very visible woman: Rep. Michele Bachmann.

In a Times profile, Monica Davey tallies up the disturbing markers of Bachmann's popularity. She's in the calendar of "Great American Conservative Women"
(apparently she's November). She appears on cable an average of once every nine days. She's seeking reelection to the House, but some speculate she might run for governor of Minnesota. And Sean Hannity has called her "the second-most-hated Republican woman in the country, second to Governor Palin, which is a good position." Given that Bill O'Reilly also thinks she's hot, Bachmann's cred with the far right could hardly be higher.

Of course, she's also batshit insane. Davey points out that Bachmann won't complete her census forms because she thinks they're "intrusive." She thinks health-care reform means death panels and "prayer and fasting" are the way to stop it. She also thinks reform will cause schoolgirls to "be taken away to the local Planned Parenthood abortion clinic, have their abortion, be back and go home on the school bus that night." And she apparently thinks Obama might try to get rid of the dollar. It's not just that Bachmann's views aren't woman-friendly — they're not friendly to anyone with a brain.

Parker's hopes for a "hormonal correction" to the Republican Party are all fine and dandy, but being a woman doesn't necessarily mean that you're in favor of women's reproductive rights — or that you're sane. McCain, Whitman, and Fiorina might be early signs of an expanding and diversifying GOP, or they might be decoys, luring fiscally conservative but socially liberal women into a party that's not really going to represent them. Sarah Palin continues to consolidate her power (this time with a national organization called Stand Up for Our Nation), Liz Cheney echoes her dad's old pro-waterboarding rhetoric, and Republican women who stray too far outside the party line (like Olympia Snowe) get called "stupid girls" and, interestingly, "Jezebels" by conservative commentators. So while a newer, broader GOP is a nice idea, Meghan McCain and her ilk might just be beckoning moderate women into a tent that doesn't actually have much room for them.

Time For The GOP Women [Washington Post]
A G.O.P. Agitator Not Named Palin [NYT]
Palin To Launch 'Stand Up For Our Nation' [Politico]
Conservative Radio Launches Sexist Attacks Against Snowe, Collins [Media Matters]

The CMI study reports that female executives, on average, earn about 30 percent less than their male counterparts and that, at the rate at which they are achieving pay equity, it'll be a short 187 years until they catch up. Scottish women, and women in the IT industry in the U.K. also have it pretty bad, though men and women at the junior executive level in the energy industry might attain equity by 2010, after which they'll all be senior execs and the women will start earning 30 percent less.

In case you're wondering, this reflects a trend in the U.S. as well, in which statistics show that women with Masters degrees actually face a slightly steeper wage disparity on the average than women with only a high school education — and that's before you account for occupational differences at both levels. Occupational surveys show that women nurses and teachers earn 10 percent less than their male counterparts despite comprising the vast majority of the work force, and professional women face a steeper wage gap with their male counterparts than women in sales and office occupations faced. A new survey shows that women at the top of the legal profession (lawyers, magistrates, and judges) make almost half what men in similar positions make — even as female paralegals make 93 percent of what their male colleagues do. Contrary to everything women have been taught about the value of higher education, while you're likely to make more money than you would otherwise, you are far less likely to make a comparable amount to that of a man.

In another sad statistic, historically speaking, women's pay has been catching up to men's in he U.S. at a rate of about half a percent a year. That means, without radical changes, we might only have to wait 44 years to get paid equally for the work that we do instead of 147 — unless you're a doctor or a lawyer, in which case it's more like a century. But, hey, I'll bet that's a century's worth of really important education and training to catch up with men's skills, right John McCain? Right?

McCain Dismisses Equal Pay Legislation, Says Women Need More 'Training And Education.' [Think Progress]
Equal Pay For Women Is 'Several Generations Away' [The Guardian]
The Wage Gap by Education: 2001 [National Committee on Pay Equity]
Professional Women: Vital Statistics [AFL-CIO]
Women Getting Screwed When It Comes To Pay [Above The Law]
The Wage Gap Over Time:
In Real Dollars, Women See a Continuing Gap [National Committee on Pay Equity]

MEGAN: Good morning! Did you hear? Apparently Spain's President Zapatero is nearly as bad as Hugo Chavez or Fidel Castro. And Spain's apparently in Latin America.

JASON: I heard about that. Very maverick. But you must indulge me a brief veer off topic.

MEGAN: Okay, but first Russia and now Spain? Whatever happened to attacking Grenada?

JASON: Kenley? From Project Runway? You are just the FUCKING WORST EVER IN LIFE. You are an awful, undermining, leprous, personality-crippled knee biter whose every utterance causes me pain - like white hot needles. OH DEAR GOD BUT YOU ARE AWFUL KENLEY. AWFUL! I see that in the next episode, Tim Gunn tells you to lose the "sarcasm and the facetiousness," but what's left, Kenley? What's left? A thin puddle of oozing, malodorous pus with a tweaker's take on the 1950s? I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU LIKE I HATE FELINE LEUKEMIA.

Okay. So, now. Something about Spain?

MEGAN: Dodai's post on Project Runway will be up soon!!
Anyway, apparently, we're contemplating war with Spain, too. I guess once we're done bomb-bomb-bomb, bomb-bombing Iran.

JASON: Well, okay. Spain. Yes. McCain, he is Los Rebelde Original! Now he either HATES Spain or thinks they are part of Latin America or hears "Jose Zapatero" and thinks "Zapatista" or something. It's terrible. I don't hate Spain. I've never been there, but it's not because I hate Spain. As soon as the Spanish master crushed ice, I am going. Provided we are not BOMB BOMB BOMB LA BAMBAING them.

MEGAN: They put ice in sangria, just not Coke. It was a nice country. But, Iran, well, that's another story.

JASON: Well, that's a relief. Isn't Sangria banned in DC?

MEGAN: No! I have a friend who actually dug into this! In Virginia, the liquor distributors got a law passed that restaurants couldn't make sangria in advance (i.e., sell it by the glass) if it contained liquor and wine, and once it went into effect everyone pitched a fit so it's either been repealed or is about to be. Yes, I have friends enough into sangria that we looked up the legislative history when Jaleo was all "we can't sell it by the glass anymore."

Sarah Palin believes that Hillary Clinton should put aside partisanship and appear on stage with her for the sake of eventually bombing Iran and not the optics of the two of them on stage together.

JASON: Oh, well, Sarah Palin is going to reap the goddamned whirlwind if she keeps that shit up. She wants to wake up in bed with some animal that's been field-dressed by Harold Ickes? I sure would not. Speaking of, I love how they're making a big deal about Palin "going to the U.N." when she's apparently going to just be yelling at Ahmadinejad from the safety of Rudy Giuliani's cosmopolitan playground. She's going to CLARIFY her position on Iran? OOOOH. That's SURE to be REALLY interesting. For a woman who's touted as Alaska's Greatest Moosehunter, she seems to do a lot of shooting fish in a barrel.

Anyway, they should just send Amy Poehler. That way there would at least be one person there not offering a pale imitation of a stateswoman. And HRC can assiduously continue to not degrade her brand by equating it with Palin's.

MEGAN: Welll, but she'll meet other world leaders that also want to yell at A'jad. And then, as he exits, their eyes will meet across the plaza, the music will swell, the yelling people will seem to quiet around them. Time will stop as their love blossoms, Jason. It'll be a new era in America's policy toward Iran, one filled with musical montages, Central Park carriage rides and hot, sweaty sex between two uptight brunettes. And Hillary Clinton, with nearly as sensitive a gag reflex as my own (just ask Bill and that one ex-boyfriend of mine), needs not to hurl on camera, so she's opting to miss it.

JASON: Naturally, some of the Jewish organizations are seeking to have the invitation to Palin rescinded:

The National Jewish Democratic Council called late today for Palin's invitation to be lifted as well. "Monday's protest against Ahmadinejad is too important to be tainted by partisanship," Marc R. Stanley, the council's chairman, said in a statement. "Unfortunately, the campaign of Senator John McCain is much more interested in scoring political points than insuring there is bipartisan solidarity around the anti- Ahmadinejad efforts.

"Therefore, we call upon the Conference of Presidents of Major Jewish Organizations to withdraw the invitation to Governor Sarah Palin and we applaud Senator Hillary Clinton's decision to not attend the rally after the attendance of Palin was announced."

MEGAN: It probably doesn't help that the Republican Jewish Coalition is running anti-Obama push polls.

JASON: And that's what happens when your convention speech includes a drop in, quoting Westbrook Pegler.

MEGAN: Oh, well, sure. But Palin's a Republican. Quoting notorious anti-Semites who also advocated for the assassination of RFK is cool as long as you're deeply committed to hating Iran and the Palestinians and whomever else we're supposed to hate. It's such a long list, I keep forgetting it all.

JASON: Half the country is on that list!

MEGAN: And like most of the rest of the world, it seems.
Anyway, so, someone hacked Palin's email. Yawn.

JASON: Yes. I saw that. Sort of couldn't avoid that!

MEGAN: Oh, wait, it proves that — as she's all but admitted to — she uses her personal e-mail for business. Great. Well, now that it's been hacked, both accounts are wiped from the servers and can't be retrieved. Way to go hackers! I know this because my Yahoo account got hacked a few months back and the guy erased my entire inbox and Yahoo was like, well, it's gone. Sorry.

JASON: Yeah. Naturally, there doesn't seem to have been anything INTERESTING in her inbox. Pictures of her family. Some phone numbers. Someone wrote her an email telling her that God was awesome.

MEGAN: God is pretty awesome, She and I totally get beer together sometimes and bitch about men. She apologizes for fucking that up a little, but free will seemed like a good idea at the time.

JASON: Real game-changing stuff! But Gawker got it, and the pageviews that come along with it. So, that will all be a part of one Nick's "SUCK IT ALEX AND CHOIRE, LOOK AT MY TOTALLY AWESOME SITEVIEWS" posts.

MEGAN: Which I read with rapt attention and think are incredibly genius. You know that.
[Tries to distract Jason with shiny things] Hey, look, Palin's the CEO of Alaska!

JASON: I view myself as the CEO of my junk.

Oh. I am petitioning Arlington County High Schools to get Nick's posts entered into the AP English curriculum. Honestly, they are an improvement over TESS OF THE D'URBERVILLES.

MEGAN: I mean, though, what isn't an improvement over Tess? It's not Hardy's best work. There's no metaphorical emasculation through inadvertent castration. (Yes, I've read a lot of Thomas Hardy. Who can identify that book and impress me?)

JASON: See. That's what Nick provides! Metaphorical emasculation!
Speaking of Fiorina, Sam Stein told me yesterday, upon his return from seeing Our Lady Of The Elite Elitism Haterz, that she used Fiorina's "captive to choice" line. Or whatever it was. The Democratic Party holds women captive on abortion? That one? That beautiful marriage of corporate PR and gender subjugation?

MEGAN: I know, except she called it a noose!

JASON: A noose? Nice.

MEGAN: But, you know, not around African-American women, of which she presumably knows many. Lynn Forester de Rothschild totally has black friends.

JASON: Oh. The Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild is straight gangsta. The Lady Lynn will take up the cause of ensuring women that they know they shouldn't be captive to the idea that they are more than a sack of meat to jack sperm into.

MEGAN: The tyranny of choice shall not ruin this great nation! Lynn, please come save me from my right to have an abortion if I get pregnant from a sexual assault, and stroke my hair at the hospital and tell me how good it feels that we didn't elect an elitist. And maybe could you help pay for my rape kit? 'Cause I'm gonna need the help once John McCain makes my health insurance unaffordable and Palin charges me for it.

Oh, God, Karl Rove speaks! He doesn't think everyone will love Palin forever, but someone forgot to let him know that the new talking point is not to call Obama a first-term Senator less they remind people that he's been in office in the Senate longer than she's been a governor.

JASON: I think Rove is late to the party with that revelation. But back to Fiorina, she's not only making sure women are held captive to choice, she made sure that American consumers weren't held captive to only being able to by quality computers, by ensuring them that they'd have the choice to buy Hewlett-Packards. Which are like a motherboard shoved inside a cows ass.

MEGAN: Wait, didn't Carly nearly ensure that no one had a choice to buy HPs, what with almost driving the country into the ground?

JASON: Yes. I didn't say Carly was GOOD at her job! Only that she got a shit ton of money to leave it. Yesterday, when I heard that McCain was going to make her disappear, I wondered if she was expecting another $21 million severance package.

MEGAN: Not even Karl Rove gets that much, and he doesn't suck at his job.

JASON: I'm not sure how this relates, but you want to know what the Sarah Palin baby name generator gave me for my name?

MEGAN: What?

JASON: Taupe Armageddon. So, what can I say. This Sarah Palin thing hasn't been ALL bad.

MEGAN: I think I might beat that: I am "Tangle Jig Palin."

JASON: OMG. We have the best Sarah Palin names ever.

MEGAN: My Sarah Palin child alter-ego should totally go hunting and drink beer with your Sarah Palin child alter-ego.

JASON: "Tangle Jig Palin" sounds like some sort of hallucinogenic tea!

MEGAN: Which we should drink deeply of while riding in an airplane shooting at wolves!

JASON: We will drink Sangria with Jose Zapatero! And visit Hillary Clinton in New York.

MEGAN: Who will totally be our mom's new BFF if only that mean Obama man will stop trying to come between them because they both totes know what sexism is like.

The IHT writer interviews a bunch of Catholics in Scranton to highlight the back-and-forth about abortion and voting that happens among the Catholic faithful — if not their leaders — while showing at least some of them swinging toward McCain (and one being racist). Although the Church regards the practice of abortion as a sin, excommunication isn't exactly standard practice for the women of Catholic faith who have had them, since you can cross your legs and — as a friend of my mother's did in high school — wear a hat in the pew and never tell the priest about your abortion. For politicians, on the other hand, it's another story. In the last few years, players in the Church hierarchy have begun vociferously pushing the idea that not only are women who get abortions and the doctors who perform them going to hell, but that the politicians who support the right of non-Catholic women to believe that abortion is not wrong — and Catholic women who believe that the Pope is wrong — are also going to hell.

Joe Biden, for instance, was warned by a local bishop not to try to go to church in or around Scranton, Pennsylvania (his hometown) as he will be denied Communion. Conservative Catholic groups have called for all pro-choice Catholic politicians to be treated similarly in an effort to pressure them to choose their religious faith over their constitutional responsibilities. (Even Catholic writer and professor Douglas Kmiec was denied Communion (i.e., excommunicated) for having the audacity to support Barack Obama because he and Obama believe that Obama's pro-woman, pro-sex ed policies can actually reduce the incidence of abortion by reducing the economic hardships faced by pregnant women...and the number of pregnancies altogether. Shocking, I know.)

Amusingly, as I like to keep repeating, former McCain surrogate Carly Fiorina recently claimed that it is the Democrats who are trying to hold women hostage to the party on the issue of abortion. Well, I'll be damned if too many Democrats go around using their actual pulpits to actually damn people to actual hell (assuming there is a hell to which one can be damned, but Catholics believe there is). Actually, I guess I'll be damned anyway.

In addition to Biden, many politicians — Nancy Pelosi, Tim Kaine, John Kerry and Ted Kennedy, for instance — are practicing Catholics. As such, they are asked to believe that abortion as wrong. And as politicians sworn to uphold the Constitution of this country, they are asked to commit to this leetle thing we like to call the separation of church and state (and to represent the views of their constituents). When your religious values conflict with your responsibilities as a politician, that's a difficult thing to handle. Most do so in the same way that my mother does: they believe that abortion is wrong, but don't believe their religious views should be forced on people who don't share those beliefs. That's called being "pro-choice."

Abortion Issue Again Dividing Catholic Votes [International Herald Tribune]
Denied Communion For Backing Obama [Andrew Sullivan]
Abortion's Foes — On Both Sides Of The Aisle [Wall Street Journal]

MEGAN: Oh, hello there! How were your protests yesterday? We talked about spanking without you.

JASON: The protest was modestly-sized, but passionate. If you caught the story on Cavuto last night, I spoke to the same woman from the Mahoning Valley that he did, who was very nice in that she allowed me to ask her many silly questions, like if she was jealous of the attention John McCain gave the Georgians, and whether Cindy McCain, if she bought their tent city, would count each tent as a separate residence or if collectively, the tent city would be a single domicile.

MEGAN: Yeah, I don't normally watch Cavuto because I've normally got my head deep in my computer writing the news round-up for the end of the night, but she sounds nice!

JASON: She was very nice. So, okay, speaking of forays into the lives of working class women, we have Maureen Dowd this morning.

MEGAN: Oh, God, any segue that starts off that way normally makes me want to tear out my hair. What did she spew now?

JASON: Anna sent me a link to her column. And mind you, I usually consider someone forwarding me her columns as a type of assault. But this being Anna, I knew that it was important, dangerous work that needed to be done. So I'm reading it, and honestly? Through three paragraphs — which in Dowd-ese means "three hastily constructed sentence fragments" — she does okay. But then you get this:

"The Wall Street Journal reported that McCain was thinking about taking Palin to the U.N. General Assembly next week so she can shake hands with some heads of state. You can’t contract foreign policy experience like a rhinovirus. To paraphrase the sniffly Adelaide in “Guys and Dolls,” a poy-son could develop a cold war."

Fugue For Tinears! I mean, that's the op-ed version of being clouted with a ball peen hammer.

MEGAN: Honestly, if I wasn't wearing my glasses, I would have smacked myself upon reading that. Who says that? Who thinks that?!!

JASON: Maureen Dowd is JUST THE WORST. Murder your darlings, darling! The rhinovirus line was sufficient!

MEGAN: Well, speaking of the over-privileged...

JASON: Anyway, that fucking travesty was about Carly Fiorina. I sense that your taking it in that direction? Since we're on the subject of travesties?

MEGAN: No, actually, I wanted to talk about Lynn Forester de Rothschild, who Moe and I mocked last week for her horrendous editorial about elitism, and is now endorsing John McCain. Like, bitch went to the Democratic convention on the motherfucking platform committee, but she's endorsing John McCain this week. Because, as an elitist, she know elitism when she sees is and DESPITE WRITING THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY PLATFORM she's going to vote for John McCain because Obama wasn't nice enough to her.

JASON: What a relief! I had thought that we might end up with Dischord Records releasing a ROTHCHILDS AGAINST ELITISM compilation disc or something! Let's talk elitism. Here's the lede from Portfolio's profile on Lynn:

"When 67-year-old British banking scion Sir Evelyn Rothschild first set eyes on 44-year-old Lynn Forester at the 1998 Bilderberg conference—the matchmaker was none other than Henry Kissinger—she was already a woman of major means."

I mean, wow. Kissinger and the Bilderberg conference come up RIGHT OFF THE BAT. So, you know going in that this is the woman who will cure us of our elitism.

MEGAN: I guess she really, really, really knows elitism. That's about the most amusingly gagable description of a meet-cute since I didn't read the New York Times wedding announcements last weekend. Also, the woman helped write the Democratic party's fucking platform, but because she's got a personal distaste for the candidate elected to represent and implement that platform, she's going to publicly support, campaign for and vote for the guy who represents and plans to implement the polar opposite.

JASON: What I see as the problem is that this person was allowed within a million miles of the Democratic party platform. They should be glad she turned into a self-lancing boil.

MEGAN: I mean, what I want to know is: what sections did she work on? I mean, obviously not the ones on energy, the environment, reproductive freedom, marriage equity, equal pay, women in the military, taxes, health care... so, what's left? Is there a section on wealthy baronesses?

MEGAN: Um, WHOA, our embassy in Yemen just got bombed. MSNBC says 16 people are dead so far. But no Americans so far.

JASON: Ten Yemeni civilians, though.

MEGAN: Well, since when did suicide bombers care about their own people? They have a political point to make about... something.

JASON: True. Reports say that snipers opened fire on the first responders, too. Another terrorist act brought to you by the people we will not go and fight.

MEGAN: That is, notably, the second attack we've faced in Yemen, in case anyone's forgotten.

JASON: There was a mortar attack on the Embassy earlier this year, as well.

MEGAN: Well, let's play newscasters and make our sad/serious faces now and quickly changes the subject back to something "sexy". Like Carly Fiorina.

JASON: Yes. We'll get a thorough dose of grandstanding from Senators McCain and Obama later.

MEGAN: And then we can talk about it again! So, let's talk about Carly Fiorina and her ego. Is it just me spending too many hours with Republicans, or do you recall a lot of times hearing that we needed someone to run this country more like a business? Like, say, Mitt Romney.

JASON: One of the hallmark arguments the GOP has made, IN MY LIFETIME, was that the U.S. of A. COULD BE RUN LIKE A BUSINESS!!!

MEGAN: Just not, apparently, with McCain or Palin at the helm.

JASON: Really? Should Carly Fucking Fiorina be lecturing ANYONE on how to run a business?

MEGAN: Hey, I am happy to let her spout off again McCain and Palin. Let's not stop her, please? She knows a lot, from personal experiences, about the kind of people that shouldn't be CEOs.

JASON: Yesterday, Andrea Mitchell was basically taunting her about her own golden parachute, even as John McCain is vowing to end the practice. (And don't ask me how the federal government achieves THAT.) And she said that with her it was different!

MEGAN: Well, of course hers was different.

JASON: ...that her severance package was decided for her, put to a vote. And that constituted real reform! Two things on this.

One: Yes, Carly. I am sure that there was a vocal faction of Hewlett Packard decision makers who were like: "You know what? We need to consider not giving her all these millions of dollars. Because we need to send a clear message to shareholders that we hired an incompetent woman to run this company. THAT WILL WORK."

Two: The process Fiorina describes is commonplace! That's how these golden parachutes get strapped to these morons' backs. These disgraced CEOs aren't, you know, actually PLUNDERING THEIR COMPANIES COFFERS WITH A SCIMITAR CLENCHED IN THEIR TEETH.

MEGAN: Also, it's all super-clubby up in there.

JASON: Not that John McCain could stop that, either! He had an ad up, exclaiming ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! And then three hours later, the government bails out AIG.

MEGAN: Last night, I seriously turned off the computer and TV, took a short nap and went to dinner and by the time I got there, the entire bar was watching the news of the AIG bailout — and I don't even live in NY! And it's not like golden parachutes aren't "voted" on, but they're "voted" on in the same way that North Koreans "vote" for Kim Jong Il.

JASON: Right! Minus the exciting visual of those adorable goosestepping lady soldiers! AND THEY ARE ADORABLE! I want to SQUEEZE those crazy ladies! Who says intractable fascism can't have a Cute Overload aspect to it?

MEGAN: I never did understand why dictatorships continue to allow goosestepping to remain alive.

JASON: Could you imagine having, like, a three-inch tall brigade of North Korean lady soldiers skipping all around your apartment. I would be like, OMGZ THAT IS TEH CUTENESS.

MEGAN: I think they should be at least 10 inches.

JASON: Jeezy creezy! Is the Dow already down 209 points today??

MEGAN: I love, by the way, that the NYSE was opened today by "Emeritus Senior Living." Where John McCain would retire, if he didn't have the right to die, senile and crapping his pants, in office. Sidenote: Bob Casey is on MSNBC right now and, um, man needs to wax that unibrow.

JASON: You know, credit John McCain. He has, to my knowledge, never crapped his pants. Yesterday, Carly crapped hers twice on national teevee.

MEGAN: See, I prefer to think of that sort of appearance as vomiting up the bile from her soul.

JASON: You won't be seeing her on teevee for a while, either.

MEGAN: Well, my days will no doubt be burdened by that.

JASON: More time for Empress Nancy Pfotenhauer. And Tucker Bounds! And now the Lady de Rothschild!

• In the wake of the Lehman Brothers bankruptcy filing and the Merrill Lynch buyout, the Dow dropped 504 points, or 4.4%. By the way, unless you've got more than $100,000 in one of them or money in the market you're going to need soon (or are reliant on Merrill, Lehman or AIG for your employment), you're probably going to be fine. [Washington Post]
• Which John McCain knows is because the fundamentals of the market are strong. Unless you're talking about its regulatory oversight or structure, in which case he and Palin will totes fix that right away but that's not a market fundamental. [Washington Post]
• By "fundamentals," by the way, he meant your ability to work long hours without overtime or extra pay. [Huffington Post]
• If you buy McCain's rhetoric, by the way, Obama's got a bridge in Alaska he wants to sell you. [Daily Kos]

• Now that everyone has stopped paying attention, John McCain admits that he trumped up the whole "Obama called Palin a pig" bullshit. That's some sneaky maverick shit there, telling the truth after everyone stops caring. [Huffington Post]
• Carly Fiorina didn't like Tina Fey's impression of Sarah Palin, but she did wear a freaking leather blazer for her appearance. Do you trust a woman who wears a leather suit coat in 2008? [Huffington Post]
• Nader predicted it! He predicted it all! Damn you, America for not believing him! There are no differences between Democrats and Republicans! The last 8 years have proved it except for, like, everything! Nader '08! [Politico]
• Sarah Palin had, supposedly at her own expense, a tanning bed installed in the Alaskan governor's mansion. Anyone want to guess what she pays to get her hair done? [Usmagazine.com]

In fact, the most reliable applause line of the night — from Texas Railroad Commission Chairman Michael Williams to Sarah Palin — was any reference to abortion, or, in Republican terms, "respect for life." It is striking, in retrospect, how many times the speakers genuflected in the direction of embryos last night, as though there was any doubt that too many people in the room support reproductive rights.

Carly Fiorina has been stalking Hillary supporters for a while now trying to lure them with the false assertions that McCain is supportive of birth control coverage and not really all that opposed to abortion. In fact, one could even assert that she's the leading proponent in the McCainosphere pushing his "liberal" credentials on these issues, even as she's telling women they "aren't" — meaning, shouldn't be — one issue voters.

On the other hand, where is the women's agenda at the RNC? Pay equity is a Democratic issue, as is increased child care funding, as is universal health coverage. McCain's got increased child tax credits to go along with his insistence that he'll try to stop you from ever having an abortion and that your insurance company shouldn't have cover birth control, but I'd hardly say that's an agenda for women on a par with equal pay or equal rights. If I'm voting on more than "drill, baby, drill," the surge, McCain's torture-iffic past and letting businesses keep their tax breaks to keep prices low, what am I supposed to vote for when it comes to the daily issues in my life? The Dems may get my ear because of the Republican's insistence that abortion is as evil as "Islamic terrorism," but they keep it because they keep talking about things that I believe in. Women aren't one-issue voters, Carly, but John McCain is wrong on more than one issue.

Fiorina: Dems 'Hold Women Hostage' To Abortion Issue [The Hill]
Carly Fiorina's Fuzzy McCain-Speak [LA Times]

8:50 ET: Carly says "John McCain is the choice of the new generation." I happen to be reading this comment and snicker out loud by mistake. Three other reporters proceed to snicker. And then she's out. And so am I until Romney speaks in a few minutes: it's potty time! New thread 'round about 9:20 or whenever the Romnibot 3000 steps up to the mike.

8:49 ET: John McCain values the contributions of women in the following ordered ways: to our families, communities, the economy, and then in governing. Also, she said it AGAIN.

8:48 ET: How many fucking times is she going to say, "I know John McCain"? But does she know him Biblically? Otherwise, fuck it, I don't care.

8:47 ET: "Many people talk about changing Washington." Which is why it never, ever changes.

8:45 ET: John McCain will empower companies to make money. That's what Republicans do.

8:43 ET: We should all have an equal opportunity to achieve the American dream, according to John McCain, not that he plans on doing anything to guarantee said equality because that would be too much government interference, which he objects to.

8:42 ET: Maverick! Drink! People again realize by her pauses that they should applaud. Carly starts to realize the absurdity of talking when no one is actually listening.

8:41 ET: Obama is rhetoric and promises, McCain is service and reform. Some people realize by the way she pauses that they are supposed to clap. McCain's life is remarkable — oh, and BY THE WAY he was tortured.

8:40 ET: Long list of question... Getting bored. Crowd is getting louder, but no one else is paying attention either.

8:39 ET: Carly's turn. Time to be shallow: don't like the new haircut. Also, the magenta suit with the red backdrop? Bad call.

8:26 ET: Playing "Rock Around the Clock," Brian Setzer version, lots of old people actually dancing now that the recognize the song (even if they don't recognize the artist). There are way more old men here doing The Twist than I pretty much ever needed to see. The bass line makes me cross my legs more.

8:24 ET: Playing "Everyday People." There is unsurprisingly way less rhythm here.

8:32 ET: I look up at the movie screen only to see vid of brain surgery. Not nearly enough blood to be interesting. If I knew it would be this long, I would've gone to pee instead of doing the pee-pee dance during Fiorina's speech but it will make me motivated to blog fast.

8:30 ET: Choose John McCain, thanks, and it's video time.

8:27 ET: Applause line dies. Also, it's all about "individual freedom," except when it comes to your uterus.

8:26 ET: Meg says the tax code is "mind-numbing." So's this speech.

8:24 ET: "The real agents of change in this campaign." Wow, where did I hear that before? Oh, right, last night. Exciting. Or not. Drink, so maybe it'll get that way.

8:23 ET: "John McCain is more ready to lead than any person in America." Oooh, burn GWB, Meg, I might like you more.

8:21 ET: Meg's mom believed in America, and not in sexism. Uhh, those two things aren't mutually exclusive. Also, shout out to small government.

8:20 ET: She's here. She grew up on Long Island. I hate that place (sorry Long Island Jezzies) — it's like one long never ending suburb

MEGAN: Good morning, and thanks for waking up on a holiday-for-normal-people to do this...

KAY: Not a problem. I got in late last night, but oh man, so much to talk about this morning: Sarah Palin probably wasn't properly vetted, another hurricane is going to slam New Orleans (probably), and the Republicans went ahead and canceled the Bush/Cheny duo at the convention today because of it.

MEGAN: I have to say, I do find it ever-so-slightly ironic that a hurricane is fucking up the Republican convention in Minnesota, in no small part after that right-wing pastor for Focus on the Family called for torrential, once-in-a-lifetime rain to fuck up Obama's speech and prove who the God candidate really was. Guess we know who God is rooting for, after all, going and reminding everyone how Bush and Cheney fucked up in NOLA...

KAY: Oh yeah, careful though, this guy had to apologize for joking that God was on the Democrats' side.

MEGAN: As far as I'm concerned, they started it. Also, I don't actually believe that God probably gives a shit.

KAY: But this whole thing reminds me of the guy in your office, you know, the slacker who comes in late and doesn't do his job, but then when evaluations roll around suddenly he's on time and makes a big show of getting his stuff done early.

MEGAN: Like, if S/He did, S/He wouldn't punish the Gulf Coast for it, right? We are living in the post-Genesis world.

KAY: Wait, we are? Shit, I was scheduled to sacrifice a goat for having my period later ...

MEGAN: I mean, when was the last time you heard Phil Collins?

KAY: Possibly in the elevator.

MEGAN: Anyway, I also love how McCain is all, "this is no time to play politics!" but already did a campaign stop there. Oh, wait, "assessment tour."

KAY: Right, and his new VP pick has such an awesome record on the environment. Know what will fix this problem? More drilling in Alaska!

MEGAN: Wait! John McCain told me that drilling here and drilling now will fix everything! How dare you suggest it won't!

KAY: Totally. And she thinks the "jury's still out" on global warming. Tell that to Gustav.

MEGAN: Well, like, the jury is still out. Civilization as we know it hasn't ended due to catastrophic environmental degradation, making it look like something out of Mad Max or Tank Girl or Waterworld or The Postman. And perhaps if Hollywood keeps Kevin Costner from ever starring in a scifi movie again, it never will.

KAY: That's one of the many things we need to do to protect America.

MEGAN: The other thing I wanted to touch on was Carly Fiorina's statement that women are smarter than to vote on choice.

The Democratic party has done a disservice to women by trying to hold women hostage to the issue of Roe v. Wade. The truth is the most important issue to women, all the polls say this, is the economy. Women are not single issue voters.

Because this is something I feel marginally guilty about. I don't want to be a single-issue voter, but when the issue is control over my body, I'm afraid my uterus beats out my brain, like usual. So, really, it's the Republican Party that is holding me hostage with it's no-abortion-not-ever-you-dirty-slut platform.

KAY: So true. I mean, it's a good thing we have Carly Fiorina to remind us of that.

MEGAN: I'm glad she has such obvious faith in my reasoning and intellect.

KAY: Of course, women simply can't be trusted to make rational decisions. The Republicans obviously thought they'd trick women by picking a woman as VP nominee. That way our little lady brains would make us think she's the same as Hillary Clinton. And, you know, we always vote with our vaginas.

MEGAN: I mean, I don't want to deny here that I make bad choices with my vagina. My vagina has made several poor decisions in my lifetime. But one thing it is pretty darn good at is distinguishing between people. And so my vagina knows that Sarah Palin is not Hillary Clinton, and my brain knows that even better.

KAY: Right? Well, here's hoping that this poll is right and women will remain skeptical and not be deceived by her "hockey mom" status and accent (which I personally find adorable and you'll probably hear in St. Paul this week).

MEGAN: I like accents! I find it strange when people ask about mine because it's such a strange mish-mash of all the places I've lived — I'll bet you've heard me break out a "wicked" or two when I've been drinking. But we definitely shouldn't dismiss the idea that people will vote for McCain because he brought her on the ticket. Obama needs to make a compelling case that voting for a woman like Sarah Palin, given her politics, is not a vote for women like Hillary Clinton's young mother in Ohio (or was it Iowa?) dying in childbirth because she didn't have insurance. Points like that need to be hammered home again and again. Plus, more pictures of polar bears. Obama should've totally visited Knut when he was in Berlin.

KAY: Everybody loves polar bears!

MEGAN: Except, apparently, Sarah Palin, oil companies and Stephen Colbert.

KAY: Right, well, at least Stephen Colbert's excuse is that he loves nothing more than himself. What's Sarah Palin's excuse? (Man, we love to hate Sarah Palin today.)

MEGAN: I believe that would be the Alaskan Permanent Fund. You know, the checks every Alaskan resident receives from the Alaskan government for allowing the oil companies to drill here, drill now?

KAY: Someone should really make a youtube video staring Palin with "drill here, drill now, everywhere you gotta drill ..." Maybe Will.i.am will go negative.

MEGAN: I'm recommending Fatboy Slim's Right Here, Right Now.

KAY: Get to work, Internet minions!

Daniel Gross, an apologist for blind Market worship, recently decried that the American management is such a fucking laughingstock. And why is that? He's not really sure. Maybe he should talk to Eliot Spitzer about it!

Women don't run corporate America because corporate America sucks.

I am not altogether serious about this. I mean, you know, theoretically — sometimes even in practice! — business is great. I love the systems and traditions that enable corporate innovation, and I love the speed with which industries, most notably the technology industries, can solve problems. (I know, that server outage just now might have seemed long, but that's just because y'all have been spoiled by Moore's Law.) But at a time when financial markets are melting down due to a disaster that could easily have been averted, when the Economist is starting to wonder whether Jeff Skilling might not be guilty of fraud because he just didn't bother trying to figure out what Andy Fastow was up to, it's hard not to be quietly satisfied that our gender is not to blame for this shit.

But now, you know, it's time for a new attack plan. Capitalism has been shaken at its foundations, layoffs are spinning out of control. On the plus side, managers are shell-shocked, insecure. Like a dude whose girlfriend just left him for another woman. Or something. So next performance review, do yourself a favor. Demand a promotion. You're entitled to it.

Well, not really, if you're reading this. But would that stop you if you were a dude? Rhetorical question.

Sexist Or Not? [Portfolio]
Is Jeff Skilling Innocent [Economist]
Sexism In The Workplace [Portfolio]