Let's start with what the authors of this book consider a balanced diet. Notice how there's nothing green here at all.

When I got a colonic, the lady administering it (read: the lady in charge of my shit tube) listed stuff I should and should not be eating so that I could achieve regular, healthy bowel movements. Nine of the 12 edibles pictured above were on the "do not eat" list.

A lot of people who are lactose intolerant actually poop more when they eat dairy, but it just binds me something horrible so just looking at a picture like this, of a woman drinking a glass of whole milk (BTW, barf!) makes me feel all bloated.

Her outfit is awesome though.

I figured there would be lots diet tips amongst all the "healthy" talk, seeing as how this book is for women. I was right. According to this book, we're supposed to be reducing our calorie intake by the age of 15.

This picture was in the chapter "Dieting for Looks." She's supposed to be an example of someone looking to lose weight. Funny that there isn't a single mention of eating disorders.

Here's a chart of all the body types. I don't fit into any of these descriptions. However, I do tend to burn like that third chick.

I think this book had some kind of hidden agenda against the "health food industry" because it keeps trying to debunk the supposed benefits of organic food.

The whole health foods craze is beset with misnomers. Take the term "health food" itself. There is no scientifically based evidence to suggest that the so-called health foods are better for than other foods. The words "chemical" and "organic" are also commonly misused. To say that you want to eat food that contains no chemicals is a contradiction in terms, because all foods are chemical substances. Health food devotees often claim that their food is better because it's "organic." What they really mean is that it is grown on land enriched with fertilizers such as animal dung and garden compost. Almost all of our food is organic, simply because it is composed of organic chemicals. health foods are also often described as "pure foods." Does this mean that foods bought at ordinary stores are impure? Not necessarily. On the other hand, some so-called pure foods, although they may not contain any added chemicals, contain naturally occurring poisonous substances.

I'm no dietician, but that whole paragraph just stinks of bias and inaccuracy. The best though, is how much this book is into freezing things. They give you different ways to freeze and store strawberries:

That page should be called "Instructional Diabetes."

Lastly, this is supposed to be a page that shows vital, healthy women. For some reason, I find it totally disturbing and threatening.

Earlier: Woman Alive: Discover A Lovelier You

[New York, August 15. Image via Splash]

[Beverly Hills, July 26. Image via Splash]

In other news, DC editors suggest wine-consumption to Atlanta; blowouts to Boston; eating to Chicago; massage to Dallas; banana chocolate chip bread to Los Angeles (ha!); and offer up a particularly bad and obvious kicker in their posting about handbags to the city of Seattle.