Uuuuuuuuuuugh, whyyyyyyyyyyy? Why can't anything just be FOREVER like in the MOVIES? Why can't movie stars just stay in unhappy relationships in order to bolster my own personal insecurities about the validity of true love!!?!? Come on, guys, it's the least you could do. Anyway, #1 Most Delightful Post-Poehler/Arnett…

Petra Ecclestone (daughter of British billionaire and Formula One bigwig Bernie Ecclestone) is getting married in August, and hopefully she's registered for a crapload of furniture: She's buying the famous mansion the Spellings built, the largest home in Los Angeles County. The 57,000-square foot Manor has 14 bedrooms…

• According to TMZ, Tila Tequila is set to join the next cast of Celebrity Rehab for an unspecified addiction, though the show is having trouble attracting any other participants and may never actually air. [TMZ]

Candy Spelling, having taken a break from the internet after using it to publicly humiliate her daughter, is back, and she's talking about the only interesting thing about her life: her ridiculous home.

• Don't cry for Conan O'Brien. Sources say NBC is giving him a $32.5 million severance package. In return, Conan can't host another show until September and NBC gets to keep his characters, including Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

• "Simon has that naughty look in his eye. He isn't my type, but he is so charismatic and charming and the ladies go for the whole power thing. I know a lot of celebs have crushes on him."-Rihanna [TheSun]

• Lindsay Lohan has returned from India!

• Angelina Jolie has a "secret family" she's "kept hidden for years."

• We should have seen this coming: Lindsay Lohan and John Mayer were spotted sharing a table and dancing together at a New York club last night. "She was way into it," says an eyewitness, "She would follow his every move..."

• Timbaland recorded a song with Chris Brown for his upcoming album, but now he's removed Chris' vocals from the track. Timbaland's manager says it's a "creative decision for both parties," but sources say he's done with the "drama" surrounding Chris.