• Law Professor Alan Young notes that witchcraft charges don't actually target witches (no shit) but those who use fake magical powers to prey on vulnerable people. • The American Library Association has announced a new prize for YA writers: the Excellence in Nonfiction for Young Adults award. A book about civil rights heroine Claudette Colvin is among the five finalists for the prize. The winner will be announced January 18th. • In 2008, women held only 15.2% of the seats on U.S. boards of directors for Fortune 500 companies. A year later, the percentage hasn't changed at all. And the same study found that women only make up 6.3% of corporate top earners. "The leadership doesn't reflect the marketplace or the talent pool," said lead researcher Ilene Lang. •  LaTanya Clemmons, sister of alleged cop-killer Maurice Clemmons, has been arrested and charged with four counts of rendering criminal assistance. LaTanya, along with five of her relatives, are being charged for their role in Maurice's escape (he eluded police for two days before he was discovered and shot by a Seattle officer). • A mother from the UK is fighting to receive donor milk for her 15-month-old son. She is currently unable to breastfeed the child due to chemotherapy, and although nurses tried giving him formula milk, it only made him sick. She was provided with donor milk for several months, but the hospital has decided that he no longer needs it. She asks that they continue giving her milk until March, when she will have finished with chemo. • Alexis Xanders was walking home from school a couple months ago when a group of kids - including one with a video camera - began to harass her and her boyfriend. The bullying escalated, and Xanders was eventually punched in the face by a member of the school's wrestling team. Fortunately, she got her hands on a copy of the tape and uploaded it to CNN iReport. Authorities are now investigating the fight, which apparently all began when Xanders said she didn't like Insane Clown Posse. • A nativity scene in front of the Old City Hall in Toronto has been altered today, after several news sources noted that the display featured a plaque from the Campaign Life Coalition - a pro-life group. City officials said the sign did not comply with their Human Rights Policy, and asked the CLC to take it down. Apparently they did so, grudgingly. • Serena Williams is in the running to be named the AP's Athlete of the Decade. Why her? Because: "With unprecedented power and underrated agility, she has transformed the way the women's game is played. Her flair for theatrics and compelling back story brought new fans to the sport, which helped the WTA Tour achieve new levels of popularity... This is an athlete who has that very, very unique combination of grit and glamour, power and grace." •

[Park City, November 11. Image via Getty]

PARK CITY, UT - NOVEMBER 11: Mellisa Hollingsworth of Canada prepares for a training run for the FIBT Women's Skeleton World Cup at the Utah Olympic Park on November 11, 2009 in Park City, Utah. (Photo by Doug Pensinger/Getty Images)

[Washington, D.C., September 16. Image via Getty]

'Blood' drips from the head of a member of PETA dressed as a seal on September 16, 2009 in front of the Canadian Embassy during a protest against Canada's annual seal slaughter. On the day that Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper meets with US President Barack Obama, PETA members, urged Harper to heed the call of world leaders�including Obama and Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin�to end Canada's annual seal slaughter. The 'seals' writhed on the ground in order to illustrate what happens to tens of thousands of harp seals�most of whom are pups�on the ice floes off Newfoundland and Labrador every year. Other PETA members held signs that read, 'Harper: Stop the Seal Slaughter.' PETA's campaign against the massacre will continue up to and through the 2010 Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver. AFP PHOTO/Karen BLEIER (Photo credit should read KAREN BLEIER/AFP/Getty Images)

[Sydney, August 20. Image via Getty]

<blockquote<Five painted members of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) Australia form a Canadian flag and hold a banner as they protest outside the Consulate General of Canada offices in Sydney on August 20, 2009. The protest was PETA's attempt to focus the world's attention on the annual killing of baby seals in Canada during the run-up to the 2010 Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver. AFP PHOTO / Greg WOOD (Photo credit should read GREG WOOD/AFP/Getty Images)

Josiah Neufeld (yes, that's his married name) took his wife's because...well, I'll let him explain.

I did it because I love Mona - because I wanted her to know that I didn't expect her to become anyone other than herself. It mattered to me that we shared a name, so I reasoned I should be the one to offer mine up. And a combination name like Neufeld-Thiessen would only solve the dilemma temporarily. Eventually a child of ours would bring this unwieldy last name to his or her own marriage - most likely to another hyphenee...I did it because any form of power comes with duties. I'm obliged to take responsibility for my power, to learn its effects - even unintentional ones - to see what it does to others when I'm not watching, to use it in the best way possible. Sometimes to relinquish it.

Obviously, of all the highly personal choices people make when marrying, the changing or retention or invention of their name is one of the most so. It's public, it's declaratory and, whether it's perceived as a reverent nod to tradition, a declaration of revolution, or a compromise, it's always making some kind of statement. Neufeld's family isn't completely cool with it; to some of them it seems weird, to others confusing, and probably to a few, hurtful. I remember my dad telling me years ago that he'd be shocked and hurt if I ever changed my name, which surprised me; I wouldn't have thought he'd care much about a word probably tacked on only a century or so ago by some high-handed Polish official. My mother, like many women of her generation, retained her maiden name and would have considered anything else a betrayal of principles. But I know many younger women don't take that view; to them, taking their husband's name is more about creating a single family identity than surrendering her own. Most people I know have hyphenated; my high-school reunion's attendance list was noticeably double-barreled. (Those who already had hyphenates - a sizable number in my progressive school - had retained their names.) I know a few cases in which all members of the family - husband, wife, kids - have taken on a hyphenate. I don't personally know of anyone who's committed to the invention of a brand-new combo name, but one hears tell of such wondrous things.

What's funny is - although I had no intention, had I thought of it, of giving up my native-born alliteration - I sort of resented my dad's saying that. It seemed to me it should be my choice, which was as much the point as retaining a maiden name (which, as many will declare, it's still a man's name in the end.) I get the impulse to unite under a single name - in a sense, maybe it's nice for kids, too; it's a kind of commitment. But I wouldn't expect my husband to take mine, as that would feel - to me - as arbitrary as the reverse (although I get the argument to the contrary.) As I say, it's personal; in the author's case, he was making a statement - but a gentle one. He loved her, he wanted to wield his patriarchal potency responsibly, and, at the end of the day, it seems like his wife was simply more attached to her name than he. It should be said, in case you wonder, that yes, Mr. Neufeld seems to be pretty sensitive all-around. ("I wear my new name as proudly as I wear the tiny woman with braided hair I carved from a piece of antler and hung around my neck as a wedding ring. Mona wears a miniature man. Both come from the same bone. I can't remember which I carved first, but I think the woman is the more beautiful of the two.") So I don't see this practice necessarily becoming de rigeur. But I do think we'll get to a point where such a choice doesn't require explanation; after all, as cultures increasingly intermingle, the relative importance and transience and significance of names will only become even more complex. The question is whether some families will ever cease to take it personally - and whether they should.

I Took My Wife's Last Name [Globe And Mail]

The girls (pictured, as kids) were Zainab Shafia, 19, Sahar Shafia, 17, and Geeti Shafia, 13. They and their parents, Mohammed Shafia and Tooba Mohammad Yahya, and brother Hamid Mohammed Shafia, lived in Montréal and were originally from Kabul, Afghanistan. The woman found in the car was Rona Amir Mohammed, who Mr. Shafia initially claimed with his cousin. However, an e-mail from her sister Diba Masoomi, who lives in France, said she is actually his first wife. Masoomi also suggested that the deaths of the girls and Mohammed were an honor killing.

The girls' parents described Zainab Shafia as rebellious, and said she and her sisters used to take the car out without asking. Police, however, say this is untrue. Mohammed Shafia said he first noticed the car was missing when the family stopped at a hotel following a trip to Niagara Falls. However, the position of the car makes it unlikely that it was driven into the canal accidentally. It appears to have gone in backwards, and would have had to get past several obstacles to reach its final destination. "You'd really have to do some manoeuvering to get out to this spot," said a constable. "It's a very difficult place to drive into, and there would be no need to do so."

On the question of whether the victims died in an honor killing, police chief Stephen Tanner says,

Some of us have different core beliefs, different family values, different sets of rules; certainly these individuals, in particular the three teenagers, were Canadian teenagers who have all the freedom and rights of expression of all Canadians. Whether that was a part of the motive within the family - based on one of the girls' or more of the girls' behaviour - is open to a little bit of speculation, but combined with other investigative issues as well.

Christie Blatchford of Canada's Globe and Mail is less subtle, using the deaths as an opportunity for some pretty stereotypical social analysis. She says:

Young Muslim men behaving badly may not be encouraged, but even in the most backward parts of the Islamic world, they aren't killed for dating a blonde or drinking a beer. Girls and women are punished for even more minor offences (disobeying, not marrying the old bag of bones daddy chose, appearing in public unveiled, etc.), often with death.

In these parts of the planet, women don't matter; they are less than men; they don't really count: Thus, as a man, you can do with them as you like.

It's true that Montreal's child protection agency had been to the Shafia home three times a few months ago, after Zainab complained about her brother. Police say he was "harsh and authoritarian" with the girls. However, a relative says the family were not strict Muslims. University of Toronto law professor Anver Emon supports judicial use of the term "honor killing" when appropriate, but cautions that it should not be overused. He says,

From a social perspective, you don't want to criminalize a community by associating them with a particular, heinous act of violence.

If the Shafias did kill their daughters, we still don't know if it was religiously motivated — if the girls' exercise of "the freedom and rights of expression of all Canadians" was really what caused their deaths. Though Masoomi's e-mail message may turn out to be accurate, it's still premature to assume that, just because the family came from Afghanistan, their tragedy must be the result of culture clash.

Image via CBC News.

Father, Mother, Brother Face Murder, Conspiracy Charges [The Star]
Canal Victims Killed By Family: Police [CBC News]
Four Bodies Found In Submerged Car [Globe And Mail]
Family Members Charged With Murder In Submerged Car Case [Globe And Mail]
Were Deaths Of 4 Women A Matter Of 'Honour'? [The Star]
It's No Accident That Victims Were All Female [Globe And Mail]

1.) "God, Guns, Guts, and American Pickup Trucks"
That's this guy's motto for his truck dealership in rural Missouri. He gives away a free AK-47 with each vehicle purchased. While being interviewed on CNN's American Morning, he made some compelling arguments for his business model:

"The only 911 call I need is chambering a round."
"There is a tremendous crime problem with people doing meth and these people – they've lost their souls."
"You don't have a problem with God, do you? I'm just curious…"
"We're a Christian nation."
"You don't think God wants us to defend ourselves? I'm confused."

2.) Paris Hilton: "I'm Not Retarded"

3.) Me: "Yes You Are"

4.) Barbara Walters' Speech Impediment
I've finally cracked the code to the cause of Barbara Walters' "accent." She says her R's backwards, so they come out as "raw" instead of "arh."

5.) Big Brother

I'm so obsessed with these turds. This sums up how I'm feeling right now:

6.) Gay Penguin Dramz
After a six-year relationship, Harry and Pepper, two gay male penguins living in a zoo in San Francisco, are no longer an item. Harry left Pepper for a woman. (A penguin one, not a human one.)

7.) And This

8.) Things Are Different in Canada

9.) Who Does Jon Gosselin Think He Is?
Remember when the father of eight said that he was sick of doing the show and sick of paparazzi? He's so sick of the celebrity life, that he just needed to get away from it—by sipping champagne on a private yacht floating in the French Riviera.

10.) Wrap It Up, Linda

Seymour and her husband, Adam Sylvester, met in college, fell in love, and got married. They both want to be police officers, but Sylvester, currently a security guard, is planning to stay home with their kids until they reach day-care age while Seymour works. Having their children early was always the plan — "I want to be young with them," explains Sylvester. "I want to run in the park with them, stuff like that." But so was stopping at two.

Currently five months pregnant, Seymour asked her OB/GYN, Dr. Kayode Ayodele, to perform a tubal ligation concurrently with her planned Caesarean section. Dr. Ayodele replied, "No."

And Seymour is understandably irate. "I thought we could make our own decision, with some guidance, not have the decision made for us," said Seymour. "We know what we want in life: we want two kids and then we want to start our careers. We had logical reasons behind it. He should have listened and respected that." Through her primary care physician, Seymour is still looking for an OB/GYN willing to sterilize her — but because of her age, she's been told it's a tough ask.

Young women are often discriminated against when seeking sterilization. Many doctors ask offensive questions ("What if you met a billionaire who wanted to have kids with you?"), state categorically that their patients are too young to consider the surgery, and generally act as though, as one woman who tried unsuccessfully to be sterilized at the age of 21 in the U.K. put it, "just because I was a woman, I'd reach a point where an urge to breed would overcome all rational thought." (Perhaps unsurprisingly, that woman's 25-year-old husband faced no such presumptions when he asked his doctor for a vasectomy. The procedure was quickly approved.)

Why is the choice to take any lingering contraceptive ambiguity out of one's life met with such scorn by so many in the medical establishment? Why does society at large indulge in the sexist, ageist assumption that young women aren't capable of making this particular decision? (Representative line from the two women journalists who wrote for the Daily Fail about women under 30 who've been sterilized: "While some might think it strange to celebrate the reversal of nature and denial of motherhood, Toni relishes her decision with an almost religious zeal.")

"I find it incredibly patronizing," says Sue McGarvie, an Ottawa sex therapist.

Tarrah Seymour, who is educated, in a stable relationship, and obviously not one of those child-free freaks of nature the Fail is harping on, makes a very sympathetic case for being allowed the surgery she desires. But the point is everyone should have their basic right to make decisions regarding their bodies and their health without unnecessary interference from the government or the medical establishment — regardless of sex, marital status, or age. The right to make our own medical decisions is something women have fought long and hard for; it need hardly be pointed out that this is a right men have long enjoyed without any questioning.

Unfortunately, with people like Montreal OB/GYN Cleve Ziegler running around saying numb-skulled things like, "Any wise, experienced gynecologist will turn down a young woman seeking a tubal ligation," these attitudes don't seem likely to change. Continued Ziegler, "We've all seen that woman who had two kids, had her tubes tied at 28, and at 29 [has] a new boyfriend and wants it reversed." How nice to know that Dr. Ziegler, like Dr. Ayodele, treats his every female patient as though she were that hormone-addled lizard-brained lady creature of medical myth, instead of an individual in need.

Doctors Deny Mom's Tubal Ligation [CNews]
Meet The Women Who Won't Have Babies — Because They're Not Eco-Friendly [Daily Mail]
Tying The Knot [Macleans]
Female Hysteria [Wikipedia]

Earlier: Having Kids: Sometimes The Answer Is Just "No"
Dudes Frightened Of Duplicitous, Kid-Coveting Women Are Opting For Vasectomies

The House yesterday voted on Obama's stimulus package — you know, the one he so badly wanted to have bipartisan support for that he stripped contraception funding from it? Well, despite pissing off everyone from Planned Parenthood to NOW to NARAL (on a day when the latter is laying people off), not a single Republican voted for the thing. White House aides like spokesman Robert Gibbs are trying to spin this as anything but a repudiation of Obama, his charm offensive, his policies or his plans for a post-partisan Washington and are claiming that it's the vote on the inevitable conference report — since the Senate bill is already different and about to get different-er with the addition of government-guaranteed mortgages to it in the Senate — but it's all kind of bullshit because they even lost 11 Democratic votes yesterday. And when you lose so bad that Republican Congressman Eric Cantor can say shit like "Keynesian economics doesn't hold a candle to the entrepreneurship that made this economy so prosperous up until the last six months" — even though he knows and I know his econ guys know that the government says the recession started in December 2007 — and no one calls him on it or thinks that's a completely false statement, you're losing ground fast. But, hey, the Senate will pass SCHIP fucking finally today and Obama will get his Ledbetter photo op and more people will say, "It's only been a week! Give him time!" in the face of criticism while the Republican National Committee holes up and tries to figure out a strategy to use all this and more to win back seats in the House and Senate in 2010, so everything will be ok. We can just rely on them continuing to campaign with their heads up their asses in order to keep Democratic majorities. That's a great strategy.

It's sort of almost as good as current Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich's strategy to appear on every talk show known to man on Monday to claim his impeachment trial is a way to raise taxes on ordinary people in Illinois and then turn around and demand to give a closing statement and the impeachment trial that he's been skipping in order to disprove his obvious guilt to some perhaps gullible jurors. Or as good as Pepsi accusing the Obama camp of appropriating their imagery rather than the other way around. Or as good a strategy as being former McCain blogger Michael Goldfarb, who's gone back to "journalism" and is telling everyone that you'd have had to have been "a lunatic" to think McCain would win and that he was hired to do no less than attack his own supposed profession. Or, um, sending Obama to Canada on February 19th when everyone knows it will be fucking cold, but, hey, he's not a wimp like us D.C. folk when it comes to winter weather so it will be fine/appropriate karmic retribution. It's a day of great strategery all around, the likes of which we haven't seen for more than a week since GWB didn't let the door hit him on the ass on the way out.

LATOYA: Where do you want to start this morning? We've got a piping hot plate of hot mess to go through.

MEGAN: Well, being as this is a women's blog, we should do something woman-y, and I nominate the news that the McCain campaign spent $110,000 on hair and make-up for Sarah Palin in 10 weeks and $180,000 on clothing and accessories for the Palin clan — which is $30,000 more than initially reported.

LATOYA: Oh, I forgot to tell you.

MEGAN: That, by the way, means they spent more on hair and make-up and clothing and accessories than my condo is worth.

LATOYA: I have personally instituted a ban on discussing anything to do with Palin. As far as I am concerned, she is irrelevant. If she manages a resurrection and comes back to haunt us in 2012, so be it.

MEGAN: What are you going to do when she opens up an exploratory committee in 2010?

LATOYA: But until then, I'd love to see her fade into obscurity. She should be remembered, fondly, like Ross Perot.

MEGAN: Ok, but can we discuss that kind of money?

LATOYA: Thanks for the memories of shout outs at VP debates, but you need to mosey along now. Take your folksy ways and return to the ice cave. I mean, we can discuss the money. But somehow, I can't muster up indignant outrage.

MEGAN: Like, I will guarantee that there's no way on God's green earth that I have spent $110,000 on hair and make-up in my lifetime, even though I've been highlighting my hair for about 6 years.

LATOYA: Maybe if I had bought that whole "salt of the earth, of the white people, heartland of real America" tripe they were selling. Homegirl was just an opportunist. Cindy McCain was rocking nice clothes — why shouldn't she?

MEGAN: Totally. Look, if RNC donors want to give me $180,000 in clothes, I will totally run for office as a Republican. They can even call me A Maverick over and over again because of my support of reproductive choice.

LATOYA: And it's obvious they had the money. If the first card maxed out and they let her keep going, I say get what you get. Credit Cards come with limits.

MEGAN: But Republican money never ends!

LATOYA: That's why they're Republicans. They're supposed to have money, want to keep money, spend their money the way they want, and tell the gov't to mind their damn business. That's what I expect from Republicans. It's comforting that way.

MEGAN: Yeah, I get that. So, moving on, want to talk about NOW and the Feminist Majority Foundation going metaphorical balls to the wall to promote Congresswoman Carolyn McCarthy for Clinton's Senate seat?

LATOYA: Why not? Obviously, the dice are lucky.

MEGAN: Because I don't like the idea that a woman's seat ought to be filled by a woman, but McCarthy does have an established record on women's rights issues and is generally cool. But, mostly, I wish to continue pressing the point that Attorney General Andrew Cuomo is an unmitigated casual racist not deserving of elected office but certainly not deserving of an appointment to a lifetime Senate seat by David Paterson, the state's first African-American governor.

LATOYA: Hmm, well, I am not so sure about Cuomo. Then again, I'm only thinking about his record at HUD.

MEGAN: Well, then, there's a question. If you have a good record of doing decent things for the community as a whole while tossing around the phrase "shucking and jiving" in reference to an African-American candidate for the Presidency, followed by a steadfast insistence that it is actually not a racist term after the world notices that you said it, what should a politically active person do? Because I choose to call him a racist and think that he should go fuck himself.

LATOYA: Oh, I wasn't sure about the appointment, not your comment on casual racism. I think his HUD record proves he doesn't care about black people.

MEGAN: Then, yeah, fuck that guy.

LATOYA: But back to the original point, I understand what you're saying about not wanting to do this tit for tat seating thing. But I can understand where NOW is coming from, especially with the whispers of sexism around this bailout committee.

Frank credited the current resistance to doing more about foreclosures to ruffled male feathers. “I think part of the problem now is that, to be honest, Shelia Bair has annoyed the Old Boys Club.” He likened the situation to several regulators “up in the treehouse with a ‘No Girls Allowed’ sign.”

MEGAN: I know! I could not believe that shit when I heard it from Moe. I was like, wait, the new Democratic Treasury Secretary is mad about the (technically independent) FDIC chair telling Bush to go fuck himself while she's trying to save Real Americans?

LATOYA: Pretty much. Just call it the "Fuck that bitch" doctrine. She is showing people up so she has got to go.

MEGAN: Also, I think saying that she has to go is akin to when McCain said he would fire Chris Cox at the SEC. I mean, it's their fucking government, you think they could learn who is supposed to be independent — and therefore given a term — and who is supposed to be a sycophant. Tim Geithner either needs to say a bunch more stupid shit so Obama withdraws his name, or get his head screwed on straight. Yo, Tim, you can throw all the money you want at Wall Street and get them to lower interest rates, but if no one has a fucking house in 2 years, the economy is still going to be fucked, and that's what Sheila Bair is trying to prevent, you dumb cunt.

LATOYA: I think prevention is a dirty word to some people. Kind of reminds them of socialism.

MEGAN: But the Republicans promised that we were electing a dirty socialist! They promised!

LATOYA: The Republicans are promising a lot of stuff, but one hand doesn't know what the other hand is doing. Like this rift between the religious right and the ...um...regular right.

MEGAN: This part is kind of awesome.

Ponnuru acknowledges that social conservatives “could present themselves more attractively,” and “pick their spokesmen more wisely.”

No, asshole, at the end of the day, you're still advocating for a fucking theocracy and I am gonna notice no matter how much you pay for Sarah Palin's stylists.

LATOYA: She even used the term Oogedy-Boodgey.

First, to the origins. “Oogedy-boogedy” was bequeathed to me several years ago by my dear, departed friend, political cartoonist Doug Marlette. We were doubtless talking about our shared Southern heritage, about which one does not speak long without mentioning religion.

And, you betcha, oogedy-boogedy.

Marlette, whose childhood was spent among Pentecostals, Baptists, and other passionate believers, had religion in his bones and forgot more scripture than most preachers can recall on a given Sunday. He also won a Pulitzer Prize for his lampooning of Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker (peace be upon them) and their “PTL Club.”

If Jim and Tammy Faye put you in mind of oogedy-boogedy, you’re getting warm.

Now, I'm going to be saying Oogedy Boogedy all day.

MEGAN: And, Republican dudes, if you can't figure out what it means, I don't think you get to call me an Un-Real American anymore.

LATOYA: Rick Warren, talking about capping foreign leaders because the bible says so? Oogedy Boogedy!

MEGAN: Also, how is the world not fucking scared of that shit? Spencer said it best: if it was a Muslim preacher saying on national TV abroad that the Koran says they need to suicide bomb us, we would be flipping the fuck out. But a white guy? No, that's cool.

LATOYA: Selective memory. Side effect of the oogedy boogedy.

MEGAN: So, is the oogedy-boogedy something you catch from the Bible, or from other Jeebus-freaks?

LATOYA: Apparently, the bible is OK. It's the freak part that leads to the oogedy boogedy. There have been other strange happenings as well, outside of religion. Like Michelle Malkin talking sense.

MEGAN: Michelle Malkin has been talking some sense on and off again all year and it is sort of freaking me the fuck out in general.

LATOYA: She's done this a couple times before. I'm always kind of shocked, because I can't reconcile a sensible column with the author of "In Defense of Internment." I don't know whether to read or avoid. On her worst days, she makes me want to put my eyes out, Oedipus style, so I do not have to see what senselessness has wrought. But on other days, I wonder if I should move her and Kathleen Parker into regular rotation.

MEGAN: Is it terribly condescending to think that Malkin grew up a little? That after wallowing around in all that scary, informed-only-by-fear filth she sort of looked around at her compatriots, commenters and ass-kissers and thought to herself, damn, these people are crazy?

LATOYA: Then again, we both now she is one "banana cream pie"column (that link is NSFW) away from being in they "why did I ever think we could hang" category. And speaking of even more crazy shit — do you know they are trying to challenge Obama's citizenship?

MEGAN: I am hoping the problem is not just that other wannabe columnists have not decided to out-Malkin Malkin by being crazier, thus making her seem less insane in the process. Yeah, dude, that is some crazytown fucking shit. There are suits claiming the birth certificate is fake, and others claiming that because his father wasn't American, he doesn't qualify.

LATOYA: Remember that Colbert Report segment on Obama going to this crazy foreign nation of Hawaii? Yeah, someone must have forgotten the Colbert Report isn't real news.

MEGAN: Dude! If only! Actually, they are claiming that his mother actually gave birth to him in Kenya but faked that it happened in Hawai'i.

LATOYA: I mean, damn, the birth certificate is online. Hawaii published a column announcing it. WTF?

MEGAN: In this alterna-universe, claiming Hawai'i doesn't count is actually less cray-cray than what they are really claiming. They claim that all that stuff has been faked, as though he's an actual Manchurian candidate.

LATOYA: Oh wait, are you talking about that guy who is suing "the "Peoples Association of Human, Animals Conceived God/s and Religions, John McCain (and) USA Govt." The plaintiff previously sought to sue Wikipedia and "All News Media." Or is he just some fresh crazy? And Clarence Thomas picked up this lawsuit, to presumably dismiss it, which is making blogger like Karynthia get pissed off for having to defend him.

MEGAN: Dude, Alan Keyes filed one of the lawsuits. There are multiple strains of crazy at work.

LATOYA: I expected that. Do you want to talk about terrorism crazy now, or international government crazy?

MEGAN: Oh, it's so hard to decide. I was going to say that we should read what the nanny of the Jewish toddler said about rescuing him because it's sort of awesome in a We-Are-The-World kind of way that transcends race, but we can stick with crazy.

"First thing is that a baby is very important for me and this baby is something very precious to me and that's what made me just not think anything — just pick up the baby and run," Samuel said.

"When I hear gunshot, it's not one or 20. It's like a hundred gunshots," she added. "Even I'm a mother of two children so I just pick up the baby and run. Does anyone think of dying at the moment when there's a small, precious baby?"

LATOYA: I applaud that woman. I am also giving a half-hearted applause to Condi for calling out Mugabe and his general douchbagginess toward his people. The applause is half hearted because we only selectively seek to remove dictators that are screwing with us. Or, rather, standing in the way of something we want.

MEGAN: Right, although, if we're giving Condi a golf clap, we probably have to shout out Raila Odinga, the Kenyan PM, who sorta beat her to the punch on that.

LATOYA: He gets full applause.

MEGAN: I mean, Odinga even beat South African President Kgalema Motlanthe, who probably could have done it as his first act in office or something.

LATOYA: Meanwhile, our neighbors to the South have crazy drug war drama and our neighbors to the North have crazy Parliament drama. Is it just me, or are global current events starting to read like The Days of Our Lives?

MEGAN: OMG, Latoya, seriously, I used to watch Days of Our Lives sort of obsessively. And by sort of obsessively, I mean, once upon a time I stood in line at the mall to get an autography from and picture with Matthew Ashford. That I still have.

LATOYA: And your verdict is?

MEGAN: Days of Our Lives once featured a plot line in which Marlena, possessed by the actual devil wreaked havoc on Salem. I think it's a valid comparison to world events.

LATOYA: Hahahahahahahha — true! I'm about to go get some breakfast (Mocha Hut!) but I did want to leave with this gem. The ignored truth about Iraq is contained in an old ass booklet.

Republished in 2008 by Dark Horse Publications, the tiny booklet for troops heading to protect the Persian Gulf’s oilfields and supply routes is a pronunciation, cultural and religious survival manual whose wisdom applies to Iraq (i-RAHK) during the era of the Toyota pickup truck and Al Qaeda in Mesopotamia as much as to the age of the camel and the Luftwaffe.

“Show respect to all older persons,” writes the anonymous author.

“American success or failure in Iraq may well depend on whether the Iraqis (as the people are called) like American soldiers or not. It may not be quite that simple. But then again it could.”

MEGAN: Sigh.

LATOYA: The book is so old that Muslim is still spelled Moslem and Israel doesn't exist yet (while Iran is a footnote) and yet, the advice is still kind of pertinent.

MEGAN:

“You aren’t going to Iraq to change the Iraqis. Just the opposite.”

LATOYA: Alright — I am out. Pumpkin chai and salmon cake on a bagel, here I come. Thanks, Megan for a fun week, and thanks Jezzies, for the fun conversations. (And pics! Loved that!)

• The Bushes spent about $3.7 million dollars on real estate in a pricey Dallas neighborhood, and boy, are you going to seethe with jealousy when you see the house the Presidency can buy you. [Washington Post, The Smoking Gun]
• Italy is struggling with a rise in puppy smuggling due to a love of specific breeds and a declining economy. More than 70,000 puppies are smuggled into Italy every year, despite the fact that nearly a quarter of them die on the way and half die within a few months of arrival. There's a video. [BBC]
• Pastor Rick Warren says the Bible calls us to invade Iran. I don't think it says what he thinks it says, but that might be because I read it for my own edification and not to use it to make zillions of dollars or justify my existence. [Washington Independent]

• The recently-published jury instructions in the Lori Drew case make it more clear why she didn't get convicted of any felony counts. [Wired]
• Fred Thompson recently promised that he was getting out of politics and going back to acting. He lied to you. [Time]
• Conservative scribe and Earl of Minor Despair Bob Novak would totally out Valerie Plame again because the media was mean to him after his did so the first time. [Think Progress]
• Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee doesn't think enough LGBT people have been beaten or killed while seeking equality in this country to qualify as a civil rights movement. Also, he thinks if they would just quit choosing to have teh buttsecks, they could have all the rights they ever wanted. [Think Progress]
• Some wacky Republicans who probably spend a portion of their time bitching about tort reform and vexatious litigation are filing lawsuits upon lawsuits about Barack Obama's birth certificate because blah blah blah crazytown nonsense. [Honolulu Advertiser]
• Texas Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison, she of the horror of women who don't always wear stockings, is going to challenge Texas Governor Rick Perry in the 2010 gubernatorial primary because she doesn't think he's Republican-y enough. [Dallas Morning News]
• Sarah Palin is totally snubbing Oprah, because Real Americans would definitely go talk to Larry King first. [Huffington Post]
• Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, with an assist from Governor General Michaëlle Jean, has shut down the Canadian Parliament to keep from being thrown out of office. And here you were all worried that George W. Bush was going to be the one to try to upend the democracy he supposedly serves. [NY Times]

• The race for who will ultimately lose to New York Governor David Paterson's desire to appoint state Attorney General Andrew "Shucking And Jiving Is Not A Racist Phrase" Cuomo to Hillary Clinton's Senate seat is on! Bill Clinton, Nita Lowey and Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. are out, Caroline Kennedy might be in. [CNN, The Hill, New York Times, The New Republic]
• Senator Lisa Murkowski told Governor Sarah Palin not to even think about the 2010 primary, but plans to kick her designer-clad ass if she does. [Politico]
• Governor Bill McGrabbyhand Richardson will be your next Secretary of Commerce. [Washington Post]

• Los Angeles mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, imitating Clinton, Kennedy and Lowey, swears that he asked to not be considered by Obama for a Cabinet position.[LA Times]
• Al Franken might really be closing the gap in his never-ending race for Minnesota's Senate seat. [The Hill]
• A judge in Texas has thrown out the crazytown indictments against Dick Cheney and Alberto Gonzales, as if that were unexpected. [Huffington Post]
• The Canadian government is in turmoil because of the financial crisis, so the Prime Minister is going to try to get the Governor General to suspend Parliament while he cuts some commercials and this sounds all way more complicated than it probably needs to be. Hooray for the separation of powers. [Reuters]
• Still wondering why the financial crisis happened? Moe Tkacik digs out this little tidbit from the biography of former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill, when he tried to sell 19 financial sector CEOs on the Sarbanes-Oxley requirements that they sign off on their own financial statements: "I would resign rather than be expected to know everything that's going on in my company. It's just not tenable," said an unnamed financial-services CEO. "That's what I have a board for, that 's what I have a chief financial officer for. I simply can't be held responsible for what all of those people do." Well, I guess that explains it. [Slate]

One of the women, Lynda Cuddy, who was a target of girl-on-girl workplace bullying said, "You tend to expect women to have more empathy and compassion, but she didn't have it. And when she seemed to, it wasn't genuine." And the evil female boss used this perception to her advantage: "the 'compassion' was likely nothing more than her fishing for personal information to identify Ms. Cuddy's vulnerabilities," the Financial Post notes.

Be very, very wary of anyone at a new job who wants to me your omg bff within five seconds of your joining a company. They're generally not to be trusted. Which is not to say that you shouldn't be friends with people at work, just be cautious, as many of us have been burned by allegedly friendly co-workers. The Financial Post also suggests that if you think you're getting bullied at work, get absolutely everything in writing. "Document and log everything — gather facts. - Get it in writing. E-mails are better than voice mail. Avoid communicating with the bully when there is no witness. - For behind the closed-door bullying — do some detective work," the Post advises. "Try to gather as many specifics as possible as to what's been said. - Be professional and calm in all communication with the bully, human resources or management. Stick to the facts, present a business case of the cost of the bullying to the employer."

The sad thing is, 77% of the time bullies go on to bully, and the targets lose their jobs, the Post notes. Quebec and Saskatchewan have already put anti-bullying laws on the books and Ontario is considering such a law. In the meantime, if you think you're being bullied, follow the advice above and be professional, but make sure to have a paper trail.

No Sisterhood At Work [Financial Post]

Earlier: Bullies Are As Common In The Cubicle As The Classroom

Related:
If The Boss Is Young And Male, Watch Out [NYT]