[Rio De Janeiro, February 22. Image via INFDaily.]

[Los Angeles, December 11. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

[Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; December 7. Image via x17]

[Malibu, August 25. Image via Splash.]

• Drew Barrymore and Justin Long: Dunzo. Sigh. They seemed so ridiculously happy, didn't they? They've been together since August 2007, though they knew each other for seven years before getting serious. Drew's been through so much… Sniff. [Us Magazine]
• Kate Moss and Jamie Hince: Also splitsville! Sob. Now Cher is stuck in my head. [People]
• Matthew McConaughey is a dad! Camilla Alves gave birth to a baby boy yesterday. Matt and Camilla are both "stoked." [Us Magazine]
• Lily Allen is back with Ed Simons from the Chemical Brothers. This is according to diligent reporting by checking their Facebook profiles. [The Sun]
• Oh! And Samantha Ronson bought Lindsay Lohan a $21,000 Cartier ring. It's not an engagement ring, it's a token of her commitment. But yeah. Ah, love. [Mirror]
• James Haven and Maddox Jolie-Pitt visited Angelina Jolie in the hospital over the weekend. Still no twins! [People]
• Amy Winehouse is addicted. To tanning beds. [The Sun]

• Wait! Amy Winehouse as Doctor Who? Seriously? [The Sun]
• Ashley Dupré, the high-class hooker of whom Eliot Spitzer was a client, is developing a cable reality series. Hmmm. Possible names: Hookin Ain't Easy, Girl Gone Mild, You, Me & Dupré. Meh. Got anything? [E!]
• Did Nicole Kidman name her new daughter Sunday because Keith Urban has a song called Sunday? Or is it because Nic's Catholic and still bitter about her Scientology experience? [MSNBC]
• Steve-O says that after 115 days of sobriety, he's "back in the looney bin." Uh-oh. [USA Today]
• Pete Doherty missed a £60,000 gig this weekend because his cat went into labor. Kittens! [The Sun]
• Serena Williams's maybe-boyfriend Common was in London where — what a coincidence! — Serena was kicking ass at Wimbeldon. She had a house, he had a hotel room, the whole thing is super hush-hush. [E!]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal checked in with Katie Holmes before she agreed to play the part of Rachel in the new Batman flick. "I wanted to be sure, first of all, that I had her blessing," Maggie says. "And I was assured that I did. I'm a big fan of hers, I think she was really great in the first movie. And yet I felt like it wouldn't have done anyone any good if I tried to imitate her. Really what I decided was that it had to be a whole new woman. If I'm going to do what I do well, I have to be free to do it." [Contact Music]
• Shaquille O'Neal is supposedly getting divorced, and yet he was all hugged up with the wife in the Cayman Islands over the weekend. [TMZ]
• Selma Blair was one of the only Hellboy II stars who didn't have to wear prosthetics or heavy makeup, so naturally, she teased her castmates relentlessly. "On the hottest days, when the other actors [couldn't] breathe in their makeup, I breeze in and say how sweaty I feel in my cotton tank top," she says. I plan to see this movie, and I'm not ashamed to say so. Anyone else? [Page Six]
• Are you interested in Kid Rock's "skanky panky"? Click here, no one will judge you. But it's not that interesting. [Rush & Molloy]
• Psyched about Mamma Mia!? Don't get your hopes up for an ABBA reunion tour. [Yahoo News]
• The Osbournes are coming back to TV! The family will host a prime-time variety hour kinda like Sonny and Cher had. Good idea? [Reuters]
• News you did not need to know: Flavor Flav lost his virginity at the age of six. [Perez Hilton]
• Keanu Reeves' court transcript regarding a paparazzo's negligence lawsuit will be sealed because it's none of your business. [E!]
• Kanye West may be taking anger management courses. [StereoHyped]
• "I thought innocent until proven guilty also applied in U.S. law. It seems sad when, as everybody who has had a drug problem knows, it takes supreme effort to get where I am today. I was really looking forward to doing my first live tour for a decade, and to be told that after all this hard work, I am not welcome in the U.S. for even six short weeks is heartbreaking. I am hardly a threat to national security. I am just a performer trying to do his job." — Boy George. [Newsweek]
• "My life is part humor, part roses, part thorns. I'll come off the stage at Texas Stadium (and) I'm a rock god. And then, an hour and a half later, I'm throwing a football and waiting for a cheeseburger from a truck stop at Carl's Corner, alongside a freeway. That is the balance in life." — Bret Michaels. [USA Today]
• "I don’t expect to ever get married again or have children. I am never at home and every woman gets sick of it… If I was them, I would never put up with me for long — and they don’t." — George Clooney. [MSNBC]
• Bette Midler answered Vanity Fair's Proust Questionnaire. Her life motto: "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke." [Variety]

[Malibu, June 30. Image via Splash.]

Us
This cover, showing a beaming Michelle and Barack Obama emblazoned with the words "Why Barack Loves Her," is perhaps part of the subtle image makeover we referred to earlier. Us seems very concerned with portraying the clearly awesome Michelle as a non-threatening soccer mom, and more importantly, differentiating her from Hillary. Says a friend: "[Michelle] is not the least bit interested in being a co-president or participating in policy decisions…Her first priority as a first lady would be that the girls are OK, and to continue to be the outstanding mother that she is." We always go straight to Us for astute political coverage. In other news, Hollywood wags think Katherine Heigl's career will be fine despite her ankling the Emmys. Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee are back together for the umpteenth time. They're like Bobby and Whitney but with exponentially more body modification. Finally, here's some news for all the hipsters out there: supermodel Helena Christensen has been "cozying up" to Interpol lead singer Paul Banks for over six months!
Grade: C (a timeshare in Cleveland)
In Touch
Rut roh! Angelina and Brad's CRISIS AT HOME in huge pink letters! They have a lot of babies, it's exhausting, it's possibly pulling them apart, and so on, and so forth. The only good part of this four page spread is the sidebar where Dr. Drew gives Angelina the business about her whole Mother Theresa routine. "I've never seen anyone remit heroin completely," Dr. Drew said. "Is she in recovery? If she's in recovery, I don't seen any evidence of it, because people in recovery invest themselves in simple, selfless acts of service, not global self-serving acts." Burn!!! On to matters of life and death: Did Mariah Carey have plastic surgery? Survey says: Probs. Her yo-yo dieting is well known and after her most recent weight loss, she has mysterious, Tara Reid-reminiscent ripples on her tummy. The liposuction of Mimi! Bret Michaels bonded with Sherri Shepherd when he went on The View because they both have diabeetus, but he wants to do it with Elisabeth Hasselbeck. "Barbara Walters was pretty hot," Bret admitted, "but Elisabeth Hasslebeck and me, I'm just telling her, if her husband ever falls out of the picture…" Scariest tabloid news of the week: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt spent $10,000 on guns because Spencer wants to be "prepared for anything." Can't wait for the Branch Davidianish FBI raid on the Speidi compound…
Grade: C+ (an unheated shack on the coast of Maine)
Star
More Brangelina business. Angie has panic attacks due to the stress of her pregnancy and Shiloh's terrible twos. Apparently she's worried about how she's going to handle "two more needy little ones in an already chaotic household." Uh, probably with the army of nannies she already employs. Miley Cyrus reportedly gets thousands of love letters from prisoners, "who claim they've taped her picture up in their cells." Creepy to the max!! Was Matthew McConaughey macking on strange ladies during a recent trip to Nicaragua while his super-pregs girlfriend Camilla Alves languished at home? If the photos are any indication (see Fig. A below), the answer is yes. An amused onlooker tells Star, "He grabbed the DJ's microphone, crawled onto a table and screamed 'I lost my flip-flops!' in broken Spanish!" Britney and Jamie Lynn are none too pleased about mom Lynne's forthcoming memoir, Through The Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World, which includes such revelations as Britney bit her nails as a kid. Shocking! And lastly, Jen wants boyfriend of thirty seconds John Mayer to marry her, but he's not down. Hmm, sounds dubious.
Grade: D+ (a metal trailer in Death Valley)
Ok!
Jeebus. Even more Angelina news. This time she's not stressed. In fact, she's so into all her babies, Ok! says, she's looking to adopt another boy. She'll get the lucky young tyke from the same Ethiopian orphanage where she found wee Zahara. Ange wants to "balance the races" in her household and since Maddox has Pax, now it's "Z's turn." Speaking of babies, Britney will charter a jet to Kentwood, Louisiana, the second lil' sis Jamie goes into labor. There are rumblings that Prince William and on-again, off-again flame Kate Middleton will be married next summer. Why did Anne Hathaway stay with scuzzy Raffaello Follieri for so long? Because he's a baaaad boy, of course. "[Women] believe that if we are wonderful enough, beautiful enough or sexy enough, we will cure them of their bad ways, and make ourselves all the more beautiful," Dr. Jenn Berman tells Ok!. Ugh. In other douche-dating news, David Spade says "girls date me because I'm normal." Good to know.
Grade: D- (a motel room on Three Mile Island)


Life & Style
Just when you thought she was getting better, L&S dredges up some old dirt: Britney tried to off herself twice, says a new book. Ian Halperin, an investigative journalist who is writing a bio of Brit tells L&S, "I can't divulge too much, but I will say the suicide attempts are true. I know all the details of both of them>" The book is also about how "sleazy and destructive" her handlers were, and how Britney is obsessed with Marilyn Monroe's tragic fate. The formerly self-destructive Nicole Richie is "back to her old ways" and is losing weight. She and Joel madden are fighting a lot and she's stressed out by baby Harlow. Unlike Nicole Richie, another Nicole (Kidman) is trying to gain weight. She thinks her baby bump is too small and wishes it were bigger. She also wishes that her jugs were bigger. Are Mariah and Nick already on the rocks? "I give the marriage six months, tops," says an insider.
Grade: D- (a teepee in Chernobyl)
Fig. A:

[Malibu, May 15. Image via INFDaily]

[Los Angeles, May 11. Image via INFDaily]

The Good:
Rose McGowan's ballerina dress is divine even if the shoes are all wrong.

I want to rip this look off of Camilla Alves and put it on myself.

Kate Mara: Polished and playful.

The cut is a little awkward, yet Keisha Whitaker totally rocks it.

The Bad:
Lindsay Lohan looks big in all the wrong places. And, um, boobs.

Did Samantha Harris think the event was being held in a grocery store?

Dana Delaney's dress isn't technically "bad." It just looks more Gap than Fendi.

The Ugly:
Justine Bateman: You're living in the past, man!

[All images via Getty.]

[Hollywood, January 30. Images via Splash.]

[Malibu, January 29. Image via Flynet]

[Malibu, January 23. Image via x17]

• Matthew McConaughey's girlfriend, model Camilla Alves, is pregnant. These are the eloquent words the actor and surfer dude wrote: "My girlfriend Camila and I made a baby together. Its 3 months growin in her womb and all looks healthy and lively so far. We are stoked and wowed by this miracle of creation." There's more, but you get the point. Also: The kid's gonna be gorgeous. [Us Magazine]
  
• RIP Brad Renfro, star of flicks like The Client and Apt Pupil. The 25-year-old was found dead in his home yesterday. [TMZ, NY Times]
  
• Britney Spears was completely naked in a Betsey Johnson store over the weekend, says an employee at the boutique. "Then she disappeared in the dressing room with Adnan for 45 minutes. They were making weird noises. It was disgusting." Uh, maybe he was helping her try on clothes? [Page Six]

• Paris Hilton's ex, Stavros Niarchos, is pursuing Victoria's Secret model Izabel Goulart. I dunno why we need to know this. [Page Six]
• Melissa Rivers: Grabby at a gift suite. So annoying how celebs get so much free stuff. Wait, is she a celeb? [Page Six]
• Sean Penn, who wrote for the San Francisco Chronicle in the past, drafted a letter calling the publication an "increasingly lamebrain paper." The Chronicle printed his letter, hee hee! [Editor & Publisher]
• Uh oh, Amy Winehouse is having visa issues. She may not be able to go to the Grammys! Then again, the Grammys could be canceled because of the writers' strike. [Gatecrasher]
• Dr. Phil is looking for celebs to appear on his 1,000th episode; after the Britney debacle, stars are not so interested. Could the doc use some therapy? [Gatecrasher]
• And Britney's suicide note, which was mentioned in last week's midweek madness, is about her loneliness, how unfair life is and how she can't trust anyone, sigh. [The Sun]
• Blind item! "Which doe-eyed young TV star is attracting attention for his indiscreet way with cocaine? 'He will do it absolutely anywhere,' says a source. 'Don't tell anybody!'" [Gatecrasher]
• Was Gwyneth Paltrow in the hospital because of a troubled pregnancy? [Rush & Molloy]
• Theives broke into Sadie Frost's London home — while she was there. The burglars took a cash and laptop. And this isn't the first time her house has been robbed: It happened in 2006 as well. Someone call security! [Daily Mail]
• Says someone who works for Zoey 101, Jamie Lynn Spears' show: "Everyone on the set is shocked by Jamie Lynn's pregnancy. "They don't know who did it... It could be anyone on the show!" [Rush & Molloy]
• David Spade: Maybe knocked up a Playboy Playmate. What is with that guy getting hot chicks? [TMZ]
• Linsday Lohan tried to avoid the paparazzi by wearing a brunette wig on her way to traffic school. Didn't work. [TMZ]
• John Mayer is defending Jessica Simpson on his blog, asking people who claim she jinxed Dallas Cowboys star Tony Romo to back off. "That girl loves Texas more than you know," he wrote. "It's one of her most defining traits as a person. So please don't try and take that away from her." It's a decent thing for an ex to do; making it hard to hate on this guy, ugh. [People]
• Eva Longoria is also defending Jessica Simpson. She relates, because her husband is a sports star, you see? Groan. [LA Times]
• OMG Zac Efron hospitalized! Teen hearts aflutter! The 20-year-old High School Musical star had his appendix taken out yesterday and will be fine. He should be shirtless on the cover of a magazine again real soon. [People]
• Gwen Stefani moving to London? A source says she'll stay there fro a while so her hubby can launch his solo career. [Mirror]
• Avril Lavigne had been accused of plagiarism regarding her hit "Girlfriend" but as been exonerated, phew. Apparently the lyrics and theme (Hey, you, I don't like your girlfriend) are like, common or something? [People]
• The FCC was asked if ABC or Diane Keaton would face consequences for her F-Bomb on Good Morning America. Chairman Kevin Martin: "I don't know." [Reuters]
• Childhood photos of Katie Holmes reveal that Suri looks just like her, shocker. In any case, no one doubts who Suri's mother is — just her father, right? [Daily Mail]
• Robert Blake is appealing his wrongful death verdict in which he was ordered to pay the survivors of Bonny Lee Bakeley $30 million. Blake and his lawyer are saying that the jurors were "incompetent," and "guilty of misconduct." Please just let it end! [AP]