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New York, 8:10 AM
Wed Nov 11
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10/09/09
10/09/09
I actually just started lowering my caloric intake to lose weight, starting a little over two weeks ago. So far I've lost ten pounds by eating no more than about 1300 calories per day. A couple of years ago I did the same thing over a span of about three months and lost about 40 pounds. Unfortunately I gained it all back after breaking my femur, but now I'm just starting again.
10/09/09
I've been on a calorie restriction diet that results in me losing about 1 lb a week. That's what I had always heard was the most healthy way to go about it.
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Hopefully none of this will be triggering, but I know that's different for everyone.
Ironically, it was not severe weight loss that prompted this. It was weight gain, lethargy, and depression, that made me seek out help. Which is, without a doubt, one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Admitting to having a problem, and that you can't fix it on your own, is not an easy step.
I was never, I would like to mention, diagnosed as anorexic. Because I was never treated, because I never lost enough weight for anyone to think there was something "wrong"...even though rapid weight loss, and ending up in the low end of my weight bracket, was apparent. Like a lot of people, I got more physical compliments when I was restricting. The irony that I had to self-harm to be treated as more conventionally attractive was not lost on me.
Over the years, I've developed a lot of extreme and obsessive attitudes towards food and eating. But if you'd asked me a year ago, I would have said I mostly ate healthily (when I ate). I don't eat fast food, I don't eat out, I'm vegetarian, I don't eat most popular or processed foods etc. It wasn't until I started seeing both an ED therapist, and a nutritional therapist, that I realized this was anything but the truth.
Up until the last 4 or 5 months, I had limited my diet to an extreme extent. The most eye opening thing we did was go over a list of foods and label them "good" and "bad" from my point of view, and whether I felt "safe" around them or not. Everything in the carbohydrate category was "bad" and unsafe. All fats were bad. All sugars, too. Looking over the list, and then my subsequent food diaries, I was appalled to find that I was not eating anything even close to a healthy diet.
The first two things my nutritional therapist said to me, that shocked me, was that I needed more calories from whole grains and fats in my diet. Those were the two things I was most afraid of eating. But I had committed to this, so we started adding foods.
It didn't take long before I realized I was no longer exhausted all the time. I had more energy and actually wanted to go out and be active. My depression got better and more manageable, and I could see it for what it was. My headaches became more infrequent, and I stopped bruising constantly.
I have, I am sure, gained weight. But I don't weigh myself because that's always been a huge trigger for me and ends up being counter productive. I no longer count calories or measure all my food obsessively. In my case, those were not helpful and something I needed to break away from. It's interesting how something like that can be really helpful for some people, and completely destructive for others. But a lot of it is WHY you're counting calories, or measuring. And how you feel about yourself when you do.
I'm not "fixed" or anything. I have bad days. I've internalized a lot of the beauty/weight culture that, though I know is unfair and unreasonable on an intellectual level, still effects my emotional state. There are all kinds of reasons this happened to me, many deeply personal, some cultural, ED's are very individual that way.
All of this is to say that, though a study like this is interesting...in the end, I don't believe calorie restricting as a health goal is going to do most people any favors. Eating well, eating intuitively, and maybe most importantly...eating -kindly-, as in eating in a way that you don't hate yourself for doing, seems more likely to improve your life than any diet ever will.
Edited to add: Long winded, I apologize! Maybe I should just say: Everyone, be kind to yourself. Food nourishes you and, whatever else, don't hate yourself for needing to eat.
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Maybe at some point, when I'm at a weight I want to maintain, I'll go to just paying attention to things instead of explicitly tracking. But as someone prone to snacking, it's been invaluable to me to actually think about how what I'm putting in my mouth ADDS UP, instead of just looking at it in the abstract. I've been tracking nutrients as well (since, well, There's An App For That), and that's helped make me more aware of things like sodium intake as well.
And with that, I'm off to the gym to earn myself back some booze calories for tonight...
10/09/09
No thanks.
10/09/09
Of course, eating less calories trumps exercising. ?! If you exercise you NEED to eat more. Duh!
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All in all. I think America needs to restructre out style of life. When i am in Europe eating non pasturized cheeses and meats, and fresh local bread and veggies ... I feel much better. My stomach never hurts. I lose weight naturally. It's our society that breeds obesity and eating disorders.
10/09/09
10/09/09
isn't it amazing how we measure our adult bodies to what they were in high school? you couldn't pay me to be a teenager again. no thank you. and the body i had them was alright, but i was still chubby compared to all the beanpoles around me, so how exactly is that 'pleasurable'?
furthermore, i can't think of a single diet program that doesn't have some sort of wording like this in their advertisements. also read: every interview valerie bertinelli has been giving for the past year and a half or so.
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If you have to restrict your intake to 800 calories to maintain a weight, I really don't think that can be your natural weight..or healthy for you. And if it's causing you to obsess over it, and feel miserable about yourself, then again...I really think you need to talk to someone. Food restriction like that depresses moods and will make it much harder for you to get perspective on what's going on.
For the past few months I've been seeing a "nutritional therapist", who specializes in treating patients with disordered eating/eating disorders. It has been hugely helpful. I had no idea how much I had restricted my diet, not only in calories, but in variety. I knew I had a problem, I just didn't know how limiting it had become until I saw her.
I kept a food diary (not calories) and, gradually, over time, I've stopped reading labels so much and am able to trust myself around food more. I eat at frequent, regular intervals, I have more energy, I'm more active, and I feel physically better than I have in a long time. It's not like every day is easy, and I still struggle with eating/weight/my body...but I'm starting to find a better balance.
I really hope you can find that too.
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