The story, shot by Dusan Reljin, opens — ahem — with a crotch shot. Now, a crotch shoot in and of itself is not necessarily low brow, but those jean shorts? In a hotel room? With the words "naughty by nature"? It just doesn't look very high end.

The very next image is not much better; Amber's famous asset is the focal point, instead of her absolutely glorious face. She's been signed by Ford, and she is capable of having a fresh, clean look. this ain't it.

While there's nothing wrong with Amber Rose showing off her famous derriere, there is a problem with it being in Elle. Because, in the context of a fashion magazine, it doesn't seem right, it doesn't seem "fashion." All we ever see of Amber Rose is her posterior. We've seen Kanye grab it, Madonna touch it, and Complex put it in a cage. As LaToya wrote about black models pictured nude while white models are photographed clothed, "It's about the roles of black women in fashion being limited to animals, sex objects, and advertising, but banned from higher fashion and catwalks." Elle had the chance to photograph Amber Rose like we've never seen her before — in couture, maybe, or just a head-and-shoulders beauty shoot. Instead, they chose to sexualize an already sexualized model. What's new, fresh, inventive, interesting about that?

This shot of Amber lying submissive on a bed — with the camera looming over her from the position of power — is almost as disheartening as the ass shot. What's additionally upsetting is that there are other celebrity models inside, and they are not photographed this way.

Posh, of course, gets the Posh treatment. Amber Rose would probably look amazing in a $3,000 cashmere dress, but they just didn't give her the chance.

Or, if they wanted to go sexy with Amber, why not sensual and cinematic, like (former model) Diane Kruger's shoot?

Better yet, they could have turned Amber's overtly feminine physique on its head and put her in menswear, as they did for (former model) Jamie King.

It's not that they didn't pull some good stuff for Amber's shoot: Her sunglasses are Fendi; the butt-baring bodysuit is $3,775 from Giorgio Armani; the dress on the bed is Blumarine, ringing up at $4,255. But the concept, vision and execution of the shoot is a shame, and a waste. But maybe you saw on the first page: It was styled by Kanye West.

(Remember, kids: Don't do drugs!) In this episode, Rich and I answer gay-related questions about fluid sexuality, fluids, and butts. Got a burning question? Send it to potpsych@jezebel.com. (Or send us your phone number! We wanna talk.)

If I Date a Guy Who Used To Be Gay, Will He Only Get Off on Anal? from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

But, in case you miss Kim's butt, it was still prominently featured in the episode:

• ...Just like Lance Armstrong, Hitler, Arnold Schwarzenegger and the other dudes with a single testicle.
• But as far as we know, those dudes have bellybuttons, unlike Karolina Kurkova, the no-navel icon.
• She may have a navel, but Lori Drew has no soul.
• Michelle Obama has a soul and, according to an obsessed Salon scribe, a big butt.

• Do vampires like big butts? Maybe we'll find out as Twilight mania takes over the nation.
• Vampires seem rather chivalrous, unlike many modern men, so at least they'd let your big butt in the cab first.
• Speaking of nether regions, one time Carrie Fisher's mom got her a vibrator for Christmas.
• A wrap dress will cover up your business (usually), but is it ever flattering?
• Victoria's Secret fashion show: covering your business in maribou since 1977.
• You guys. Thank effing Gawd it's Friday! So eat, read celebrity gossip on the internet and nap the day away. You deserve it!

Can I Be A Schoolteacher AND A Slut? from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

P.S. No animals were drugged in the making of this video.

Earlier: Dr. Ruth Personally Advises Us On Period Sex

Earlier: I Went For A Colonic And All I Got Was A Load Of Crap

1.) It Feels Better Without a Condom
You know, people really get on their high horse when it comes to using condoms. Here's the thing: You know those PSAs or HBO Families in Crisis movies about the importance of safe sex? And there's always a guy who's like slimy and tries to sweet-talk his girlfriend into having sex without a condom because "it feels better." Well, he's right. It totally does feel better. I know, know! Condoms are important for many reasons and you should wear them. But for me, it feels way more natural without one and I'm much less likely to get a UTI. And if he re-ups and is able to fuck you again, and you guys go through with foreplay again, it doesn't taste as gross when you go down on him.

2.) Queefing
We've been over this. But in addition to what was already discussed, I'd like to add that you probably won't need to worry about queefing the first time, because most likely, you're so new down there that you're pretty much airtight.

3.) Location, Location, Location
Your pussy is prime real estate. If your body were a Monopoly board, your clit and vadge would be Boardwalk. A lot of guys don't know what the hell they're doing, and sometimes they just poke their dick around blindly. Make sure you guide them to the front hole, 'cause If he accidentally jams it in your butt or your taint, and you're not ready for it, you're not gonna like the way it feels. Trust! Which brings me to number four...

4.) Lube, Lube, Lube
This is seriously the most important thing for D in the V. (Or B...but no butts yet, I said!) Ideally, you want to be so turned on that your vadge is naturally wet, but that might not happen the first few times, for whatever reason (nervousness, fear, etc.) So just make sure you have a bunch of lube on hand. However, if you got a lot of bottled lube down there, you shouldn't attempt doggy style, because all that stuff will get in your pee hole and it will give you the mother of all UTIs.

5.) Tampons Will Fit Better After
No joke. They really will. I was never able to get tampons up there before I lost my virginity, probably because I was too tense whenever I tried. But the weekend after I did it for the first time (and the second, and third, and fourth, and so on), I decided to try to insert a slender/regular, even though I didn't have my period. Not nearly as much resistance and I was able to get the entire thing up there.

So there you go! Now, if you ever get around to it, you won't be so lost when you actually try to fuck. Just remember to be safe and wear a condom. (Even though, yeah, it feels better without it.)

For Guy Virgins: Basic Things No One Told Me About Sex [Dating Groundwork]

Earlier: Queefs: What's The Etiquette For Dealing With Air Up There?

OK, if you saw this still, with no background story, what would you think it was?

I IM'd a bunch of people randomly and sent them that jpeg and asked them what it remind them of. Someone said a gut, another said, "a guy with a tumor-baby." Someone else said a penis, and another said, "an ugly pregnant belly." It actually reminds me of a nose. Specifically, that of Mr. Magoo's.

No No Booty Implant [Random Good Stuff]