* The doctor who tried to save the life of Neda Agha Soltan claims to have identified her killer. • Audio tapes of Silvio Berlusconi talking to escort Patrizia D'Addario have hit the Internet. In one conversation, Berlusconi tells D'Addario to wait for him in "Putin's bed." • A new book claims the Bush twins tried to lose their Secret Service detail whenever possible, and that Secret Service agents had to take a drunk Henry Hager (now Jenna's husband) to the hospital in 2005. • A witness in evangelist Tony Alamo's sex-crimes trial may have set the prosecution back by misidentifying Alamo and contradicting her own sister, allegedly one of his victims. • Researchers have found that birth control pills are less effective in obese women not because the hormones concentrate in fat tissue, but because they take longer to reach the necessary levels in the blood. • A doctor who has advised UNICEF and the World Health Organization says breast-feeding doesn't actually protect babies from disease, but that women who breast-feed tend to have healthier lifestyles. • Young British men are more likely to commit violent acts if they live with their parents, perhaps because they "have fewer responsibilities and more disposable income to spend on alcohol." • But drinking can be good for you — if it makes you pass out in a yoga position. • A House spending bill passed Thursday allows the use of local funds to pay for abortions in DC. • And Randall Terry of Operation Rescue, totally failing to learn anything from George Tiller's death, says that if the new health-care reform bill includes coverage for abortion, "history will hold those in power responsible for the violent convulsions that follow." •

A survey for the Christian Medical Association found that 90% of providers would "quit their practices before violating their conscience." But even if this statistic is accurate, we're unlikely to see a mass exodus of doctors. After Roe V. Wade, many state laws and some federal laws were enacted to protect doctors and other health care workers from having to carry out abortions. Some laws are broad enough to allow doctors to exempt themselves from performing sterilization or in vitro fertilization, or from prescribing emergency contraception.

Joxel Garcia, Bush's assistant secretary for health, says we need the newer, Bush-era laws on top of these older laws because doctors aren't aware of the older ones (apparently the thought that if you're going to refuse to perform a medical procedure, you might at least be responsible for checking whether you're legally protected, has not occurred to Garcia). He adds that, as a med student in the late 80s, he was advised not to apply to certain ob-gyn residencies if he wouldn't perform abortions. The fact that some ob-gyn programs might want to train doctors who will offer women the full range of medical services encompassed by their specialty isn't particularly surprising — except in light of Medical Students for Choice member Rozalyn Farmer Love's account of having to hide her pro-choice views for fear of discrimination by professors. Anti-abortion doctors aren't the only ones whose convictions are under fire.

Bioethicist Nancy Berlinger says,

Words like belief, when you talk about them in the context of health care, aren't just anything you might think of. They have to be defensible. And a false belief about science or the promotion of ambiguity where things can be disambiguated is not ethical.

Berlinger's words are a reminder that there are limits to how much a doctor's beliefs can affect his or her practice. A Christian scientist physician cannot refuse a cancer patient chemo — is it really reasonable to allow a gynecologist to refuse a woman a legal abortion? What about to refuse IVF? The Pill? The more "conscience provisions" an aspiring ob-gyn needs, the more sensible it seems for him or her to consider a different specialty. The solution is certainly not to maintain several separate sets of laws that allow doctors to deny women care.

Some Docs Resist Repeal Of Bush-Era Abortion Regs [NPR]

In the clip at left, Haskins takes a look at the Schick Quattro ads in which ladies trim their bush, Australian ads where a woman is shown frolicking with her beaver, and a tampon commercial that depicts Mother Nature delivering her monthly gift in person. Clearly, we must devise natural metaphors for our vaginas, for, as Haskins explains, "we are ladies and when our delicate lady parts are mentioned we cannot bear it." Which is why, at her suggestion, we will now only refer to our genitalia as our "Sarlacc the sand pit from Return of the Jedi."

Sarah Haskins in Target Women: Your Garden [Current]

Earlier: Schick Quattro Ads Are About As Subtle As Bai Ling's Wardrobe
Leave It To Beaver
Feminine Hygiene Commercials Are Rarely Genius
Sarah Haskins Overwhelmed By Oscars "Ex-Plosion"
Sarah Haskins Calls Out Jez Commenters
Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins
Sarah Haskins Worries That Ann Curry's Life Is In Danger
New Year, New You: Sarah Haskins Teaches You How To Diet
Sarah Haskins Wishes You Happy Period Control
Sarah Haskins Targets The View
Sarah Haskins Has A Problem With Marketing Family Meals To Moms
Brides, Botox & Yogurt: Sarah Haskins Targets Those Who Target Women

The website, which normally focuses on official statements released by al-Qaida and other militants, today features commenters poking fun at the First Lady’s press release. One commenter, known as Dark-Side, sarcastically offered condolences for the cat, posting “For God’s sake, could someone tell us where the wake is to be held?” Another commenter mockingly worried that India’s death would disrupt Arab-U.S. relations: “This is not the right time to die. It is a dilemma for the Arab leaders at this time because they are busy and have to leave the region to offer condolences.” [AP]

[Image viaAFP]

Everyone is all a-Twitter today about Obama's selection of former Bill Clinton White House Chief of Staff Leon Panetta to run the CIA next year. And when I say a-Twitter, I mean that anyone who knows stuff about politics stared at their computer screens mouth agape and said or typed — as I did to Spencer Ackerman — "Leon Panetta??" Incoming Senate Intelligence Chair Diane Feinstein (D-California) expressed some skepticism at the choice of a Clintonista with no real intel experience, as did outgoing Chair Jay Rockefeller (D-West Virginia). Talking Points Memo gets junior Intel Committee member Ron Wyden (D-Oregon) to say he totally knew and then speculates that the Obama team told him but not Feinstein rather than assuming, as I did, that his communications guy is either lying to make the boss look good or too stupid to check first (likely the latter, Wyden's staff is normally good people). Some people are even saying Panetta wanted the Commerce slot originally, which would make sense given his background (and would certainly make him more money in the private sector afterwards) — and we all know that position is now available. But the big selling point on Panetta — which is kind of a sorry state of affairs — is he's apparently the one dude with really, really minimal intelligence experience (case in point: Obama's team is trying to sell his time working on the Intel budget at the White House as such experience) who is seemingly really opposed to torturing people. That is to say that, after 7+ years of torturing people ourselves, rendering them to other countries to be tortured, plenty of faulty intelligence gained from those practices, the loss of American prestige in the world due to the knowledge that we're doing it even as we condemn other countries for doing so (with a wink and a nod these days) and a deep dissatisfaction among most people — other than those that think we ought to do it as punishment because they are deeply mean and stupid — at our country's practice of it, the Obama camp had to pick Leon Panetta to find someone who wanted to stop.

Sigh.

Oh, and in case you're wondering (as I was, since I hadn't been paying that close attention), Congresswoman and former House Intel Committee Chair Jane Harman was ruled out because she didn't hate wiretapping enough and totally not because of her feud with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi that lost her the gavel in the first place. Because, obviously, known intellect Silvestre Reyes was always who we needed in that chair.

Anyway, back to Not Gonna Be Commerce Secretary Bill "Grabbyhands" Richardson, if you still care before any indictments come down. He swears he was totally forthcoming with the Obama vetters, just like he was probably totally transparent with the people of New Mexico and that his hopes and dreams of saving this country from a Depression will have to "take a back seat to what is best for the nation" and then I gagged from the bullshit he was trying to hand-feed me. Kathleen Sebelius' name is back in the Cabinetry mix as a possible replacement, though Latino leaders are stomping their feet and demanding it stay a Latino cabinet position despite having pushed for Grabbyhands in the first place and the League of United Latin American Citizens is trying to get Obama to nominate Congressman Xavier Becerra (D-California) who already publicly told Obama to shove the United States Trade Representative slot in favor of staying a Congressman so, yeah, I don't think he's gonna get a second offer guys. After that, all they got is mayors on their list, who aren't really gonna get Commerce given that it's a huge department with almost little to do with mayor-stuff, so the unseemliness of declaring Commerce for Latinos and State for the wimmins and the rest of the annoying identity politics shit that has gone on since the supposedly post-racial election aside (hello Roland Burris and Bobby Rush!), it's thankfully likely just to go back to the pool of qualified candidates regardless of race or gender. How quaint.

And while all this identity-politics shit makes my skin crawl, I'm still luckier than TSA employees whose new uniforms are causing actual rashes. That should totally put them in a better mood when they are slapping on the latex gloves to swab my shoes and figure out, again, whether I am wearing an underwire bra or not. (Answer: yes I am.)

In the meantime, Israel is continuing its ground offensive in Gaza, killing more people in the name of supposed security which decades of killing more people hasn't apparently brought and everyone is talking humanitarian crisis while some people are looking to broker a peace deal which it sort of also seems like we've tried before. What with all the significant attention paid to the region during his tenure in office, President Bush acted swiftly to bring the situation to a peaceful end... Ha, no just kidding. He ignored it for a while and then issued his first statement yesterday during a press conference.

"I understand Israel's desire to protect itself, and the situation now taking place in Gaza was caused by Hamas," Mr Bush said.

See what he did there? Because he wants us to be able to do whatever the fuck we want [cough, attack Iran, cough] internationally in the name of "protecting ourselves" pre-emptively (anyone remember the Bush Doctrine? Other than Sarah Palin, I mean...) he's not about to get up and say that maybe Israel shouldn't attack anyone for any reason and Hamas started it anyway. No wonder Israel launched its attack before the Inauguration.

Speaking of, Joe Biden's going to use the pre-Inauguration time to go on one last Congressional delegation as Chair of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee — and he's going to South Asia, which is to say places like India, Pakistan and Afghanistan. They're not exactly going to take it as a Congressional visit, but that's sort of the point, too. Obama, on the other hand, is drumming up support on the Hill for his stimulus package — including his big tax cuts — where he managed not to run into "Senator" Roland Burris who, it is rumored, will indeed be seated if he, like, totes promises not to run in 2010 which is laughable because it isn't an enforceable promise and the Senate Dems will totally change their minds once they notice that a Republican is poised to win the seat back.

New York Governor David Paterson is taking no chances running into a Richardson- or Burris-type issue with his choice and has mailed all 6 contenders a 28-page disclosure package to turn in by Thursday so it appears La Kennedy will actually have to talk about some shit — including her finances — before she is the Senator and absolutely, positively has to. Other people still up for the seat, supposedly, are Long Island Rep. Steve Israel (not gonna happen), Rep. Carolyn Maloney (the Feminist Majority Foundation's choice), upstate sophomore Rep. Kirsten Gillibrand (too junior), Rep. Jerrold Nadler (nope) and Nassau County executive (a government job, like mayor of Wasilla) Thomas Suozzi (definitely not, this guy's name is floated more often than a rubber duckie). Not on the New York Times list but, sadly, still likely on Paterson's short-list is state Attorney General Andrew "Shucking and Jiving Is Not A Racist Term, I Swear" Cuomo. Jerk. David, honey, just keep repeating to yourself "Change we can believe in" and see if you can even conjure up the name Cuomo.

• Liposuction around the midsection does not have the same heart-helping properties as traditional weight loss methods, doctors say. • Two studies from the University of California, Berkeley, have found that mothers who take maternity leave both before and after giving birth require fewer C-sections and have healthier babies. • In the UK's biggest sex discrimination case, a Muslim woman is suing a bank for £16.7 million after accusing two managers of sex, race and religious discrimination. • Screw those what-color-are-you tests, where you sit on a bus is the legit way to determine your personality type. • A new series of short, New Jersey-based soap operas aims to promote safe sex among women. • In the UK, 3,500 students are suspended each year for sexual bullying. • A 10-week-old baby girl has died after her parents allegedly fed her half an ecstasy tablet. • Prenatal testing for genetic abnormalities may be linked to an increased risk of birthmarks. • An Illinois jeweler is selling senate seats. Sadly, the seats are 3/4-inch silver charms, and do not come with a free hairdo or hairbrush. • The Bush family's eighteen-year-old cat, India, died Sunday at the White House. •

Slate:

My enjoyment of this film hovered perilously close to camp at times. Stone's musical choices lay it on particularly thick: He accompanies a party scene during Bush's drinking years with the Freddy Fender song "Wasted Days and Wasted Nights" and scores the fall of Baghdad to the marchlike rhythm of "The Yellow Rose of Texas." But if Stone's portrait of George Bush is laid on with a trowel, maybe it's because God seems to have engineered the real Bush's life with a similarly crude sense of irony. W. is a case of biographer and subject being perfectly matched: You really don't want a Bush biopic directed by Jean-Luc Godard (though Robert Altman could have done something interesting with it if he were still around). Like Tina Fey's Sarah Palin, Stone's George Bush gets his best lines straight from the source. This movie was scripted by screenwriter Stanley Weiser (Wall Street) but was ghostwritten by history itself.

Los Angeles Times:

Yes, "W." is definitely satiric in intent and execution, and it has no love for the actions and policies of the man who has led, as the film's advertising puts it, "a life misunderestimated." But those yearning for a red meat entree, a kind of "Natural Born Killers" meets "JFK," will be disappointed. There is a restraint about "W." that is both pleasing and effective. There are reasons to smile in this film, but not nearly as many as you'd think. Instead the message is that what has happened to this country is no laughing matter.

USA Today:

W. could have benefited from the perspective that comes with time. It might have been a better film had it come out later, when shading and context could have been added. To assess his true character requires knowledge of Bush's final few months in office and how his decisions spill over onto the next presidency.

Mother Jones: (Roundtable review)

Elizabeth: Back to Katrina for a hot sec. That was such a f-up, and less trodden than the "My Pet Goat" disaster on 9/11 that Fahrenheit 9/11 illustrated. I guess giving us Katrina would be more of an advance on the story. WMDs and yellowcake to me feels like old news, especially when you're timing your release two weeks before a presidential election.

Jesse: But it [the movie] didn't really look at Bush's second term at all, did it?

Elizabeth: No, it didn't, which to me felt incomplete. My last thought? It was alright, but it certainly wasn't better than "Cats."

Wall Street Journal:

When Oliver Stone's bizarre and bloated "Nixon" opened 13 years ago, the 37th president had recently died, after being out of office for two decades. When his screwball tragedy "J.F.K." opened in early 1992, the 35th president had been dead for almost three decades. George W. Bush is very much with us, of course, but it's unlikely that "W." will make many waves, and not just because the 43rd president is an exceedingly lame duck. Mr. Stone's latest POTUS potshots are scattered at best, and his hopscotch approach to recent history drains context and significance, not to mention shock and awe, from the enormous events that have marked the second Bush presidency. Feature films are, by their slow-gestating nature, unable to rival the spectacular sizzle of a Tina Fey skewering Sarah Palin, but this one also scants the steak. In spite of Josh Brolin's heroic efforts, "W." is a skin-deep biopic that revels in its antic shallowness.

The New Republic:

Stone's latest foray into political cinema is a shapeless grab-bag of familiar incidents and quotations (many of them placed in the wrong context or uttered by the wrong mouth) posing as a character study of the 43rd president of the United States. It's a film that seems pitched at an almost unimaginably thin cross-section of viewers: those who follow politics closely enough to catch its constant self-conscious references, but not closely enough to recognize it as a shallow, ham-fisted portrait.

The New York Times:

“W.” isn’t as visually baroque as “JFK” (1991) and “Nixon” (1995), Mr. Stone’s darker, more ambitious excursions into the American psyche and presidency, partly because, I think, he does not yet have enough aesthetic distance from his subject and partly because he seems keen to weigh in as more evenhanded than usual. But while he has tamped down his style, he retains a pleasingly fluid approach to narrative. The story repeatedly shifts between scenes of the younger Bush meandering through his life, and the older Bush navigating through the early stages of the Iraq war. This shuttling across time and space undercuts the drama — the story doesn’t so much build as restlessly circle back — but it puts into visual terms Mr. Stone’s ideas about the present and past being mutually implicated.

Salon:

Stone is sometimes a fine director and sometimes a total nutball; sometimes he's both at once. But "W." needs more nuts and less finesse. That's not to say the movie is exactly subtle — this is an Oliver Stone picture we're talking about. It's just that Stone and screenwriter Stanley Weiser seem to be torn between duty and impulse: Stone, who has earned plenty of accolades for ponderous, heavyweight pictures like "Nixon," may have felt compelled to deliver a historical document, something that will stand for the ages. But he also tips his hand frequently enough to let us in on his true feelings about our 43rd president: Stone leaves no doubt about his meaning when he shows his characters — Bush, Rice, Rumsfeld, Franks, Powell, et al. — trooping across a field in Crawford, Texas, as the theme from the '60s TV show "The Adventures of Robin Hood" tootles in the background. It's when Stone engages in shameless editorializing — when he lets his freak-flag point of view fly, rather than tempering it — that "W." is most entertaining and most vital. The rest of the time it feels too much like awards bait: stiff, arch and knowing.

Chicago Sun-Times:

One might feel sorry for George W. at the end of this film, were it not for his legacy of a fraudulent war and a collapsed economy. The film portrays him as incompetent to be president, and shaped by the puppet masters Cheney and Rove to their own ends. If there is a saving grace, it may be that Bush will never fully realize how badly he did. How can he blame himself? He was only following God's will.

Newsweek:

"W." seems content to skim the surface of conventional wisdom. You wish it could have explored the connection between Bush's alcoholism and his born-again Christianity with some depth or curiosity: what addicts and born-agains share is a terror of ambiguity, an absolute need for a belief system that removes all doubt. "W." treats Bush's conversion with respect, but offers little illumination of this soulaltering turn in the road. "W." might have had some impact had it been made four years ago. But it's both too late and too early for a movie about our sitting president. Its "outrageousness" feels complacent. Controversial? Daring? In the fall of 2008, it seems neither.

'W.' opens in theaters today.

SPENCER: So it turns out Sarah Palin read CH yesterday, because a few hours later she sent me an email.

The left-wing activist group, ACORN, is now under investigation for voter registration fraud in a number of battleground states. ACORN's political action committee has endorsed Barack Obama and Senator Obama himself has said, "I have been fighting alongside ACORN on issues you care about my entire career." The Obama Campaign even paid more than $800,000 to an ACORN affiliate for "get out the vote activity." And now we find out that ACORN is suspected of voter registration fraud.
But, the Obama-Biden Democrats would rather sweep these facts under the rug and use their mainstream media allies to bury this story. But we can't let that happen. We can't allow leftist groups like ACORN to steal this election.

(I took out all the personal stuff.)

MEGAN: Well, sure, I mean, Todd doesn't need to know the rest of it.

SPENCER: She might have missed our point, but it looks like today will be a Part II to yesterday: return of the race-based GOP. ACORN, of course, is a civil-rights group that, among other things, registers minority voters. In other words THOSE PEOPLE.

MEGAN: Oh, Spencer, now, let's be fair, I'm sure they register white people who won't vote Republican, too. Nah, fuck that, we can be honest. The Republicans are mostly scared of the African-American ones.

SPENCER: As this Washington Post piece makes clear, the charges against ACORN are bullshit, marginal, and part of a campaign to make white people afraid of Obama. Look at, for instance, this aspect of a McCain ad:

The McCain campaign also has sought to link ACORN to the financial crisis. One of the campaign's online ads says the Chicago chapter of the group was engaged in "bullying banks" to issue "risky" mortgages — "the same type of loans that caused the financial crisis we're in today," the ad's narrator says.

MEGAN: Well, I think this Guardian piece goes even further, accusing Republican officials of staging a fake raid, which they did.

SPENCER: Message: don't let those n****** steal the election like they stole the economy..

MEGAN: Oooh, ooh, back to Ann Coulter's meme that black people brought this economic crisis down on White America. I can't believe Republicans are actually using that.

SPENCER: A fake raid? Explain. That is pure Nixonland right there. Next they'll bus in Arabs to their rallies to chant about getting out of Iraq.

MEGAN: Wait, it gets better, the Guardian points out that it's vintage GWB!

As luck would have it, the Democrats have a man who, as an attorney years ago, actually had the temerity to join the US department of justice in representing Acorn in a successful lawsuit, forcing the state of Illinois to follow the law by allowing citizens to register to vote at the department of motor vehicles. What a scoundrel.

That, of course, was before the department of justice, under George Bush's corrupt command, would itself become politicised by the very Republicans so desperate to keep low-income voters from voting, that they were willing to fire their own US attorneys for failing to bring phoney charges of voter fraud in key swing states like Nevada and Missouri.

SPENCER: (Nixon used to ensure that unruly hippies would be at his rallies in order to stoke the silent-majority sense of besiegement and make himself look heroic. It's all in this book you should read.)

MEGAN: Well, we could try a little truth, too:

Acorn verifies the legitimacy of every registration its canvassers collect. If they can't authenticate the registration, or it's incomplete or questionable in other ways, they flag that form as problematic ("fraudulent", "incomplete", et cetera). They then hand in all registration forms, even the problematic ones, to elections officials, as they are required to do by law.. In almost every case where you've heard about fraud by Acorn, it's because Acorn itself notified officials about the fraud that's been perpetrated on them by rogue canvassers.

Emphasis mine, obviously.

SPENCER: My God, this is a story tailor-made for ex-boss JMM. And, sure enough, Josh has cheat-sheet on the bullshitness of the ACORN smears. Yes, exactly. ACORN points out the errors that come with voter registration. Going after ACORN is a method of disenfranchisement. Perhaps — perhaps — that's why so many on the right have a problem with John Lewis:

Because of his civil-rights record, Mr. Lewis gets a pass from the media and his fellow politicians even when he makes incendiary comments. But with remarks like those on Saturday, he deserves to be seen less as a racial healer and more like any other politician who uses race as a sword.

MEGAN: Also, I love how Jonah Goldberg is accusing the wrong John of selling off his reputation. Ahem.

SPENCER: That's the Wall Street Journal, shitting on the reputation of the one man who has done more for the actual freedom, prosperity and access to justice than any other living American.

MEGAN: Right, obviously, John Lewis was totally the first one to notice anything racial going on. Well, except for me, but I am obviously out to incite racial tensions by commenting on what's obvious to most non-white people and white people who have noticed that (gasp) racism still exists in this country.

SPENCER: We should push back on the idea that what Lewis said was somehow more "incendiary" than Palin saying Obama is "palling around with terrorists." Somehow it remains a greater sin to observe the racism of white people than for white people to engage in such racism. Which is where the ACORN stuff is all going: toward a narrative where YOUR election, YOUR economy, YOUR country was taken from you by by by by by those people!

MEGAN: Right, because accusing someone of treason is much less incendiary than suggesting that a climate of violent words can lead to one of violent action. But it's okay, because John McCain will whip him in the debate. Yup. He's gonna whip that boyuh.

SPENCER: A key aspect of that campaign is equivalence, and so McCain tells Dana Bash, absent any evidence or even an attempt at justification, that "I've heard the same things... said about me at Senator Obama's rallies." So this is the long game, the twisted process that passes for a coping mechanism from the American right, heartache and sore over losing an election just because it spent eight years plunging the country into deeper depths of chaos.

MEGAN: And let's put to rest the meme that they are stopping the Ayers based attacks, while they are actually stepping them up To whit, here is the script from the original ad, which is crappy and whatever.

SPENCER: Is this two ads or one?

MEGAN: Amusingly, it was one ad. And here is the new ad which I had to good fortune to hear on the radio this morning, in which they have edited the script.

SPENCER: "Blind Ambition." A projection?

MEGAN: Totally. The new ad, though, doesn't just call him a "terrorist" they call him a "domestic terrorist." They also outright accused Obama of lying AND they call the Annenburg Foundation a "radical" group on which they served together.

SPENCER: right. He lives among usssssss

MEGAN: Do you think they can actually get away with calling him a viper in the grass or some such? Because, really, that was some pretty radical shit trying to help low-income schools in Chicago.

SPENCER: Okay let me say something: I went to summer camp with Bill Ayers' sons. And to Zayd, Malik and Chesa, I'm really really sorry and appalled by the what the right is doing, and your revenge will come in about 20-something days.

MEGAN: Well, and not to go totally off-topic, but there may be plenty of revenge to spread around. The GOP is pulling money from challengers to fund safe incumbents in House races. Including one, Lee Terry, who is running ads tying him to Obama. The GOP is paying for ads in Nebraska that portray Obama positively.

SPENCER: Yes, look at the diminishing returns of Nixonland. JMart at Politico also had another telling story along those lines:

With party strategists fearing a bloodbath at the polls, GOP officials are shifting to triage mode, determining who can be saved and where to best spend their money.
The Republican National Committee, growing nervous over the prospect of Democrats’ winning a filibuster-proof majority in the Senate, is considering tapping into a $5 million line of credit this week to aid an increasing number of vulnerable incumbents, top Republicans say.

MEGAN: Also, let us not forget, the RSCC is forced to rely on this line of credit before their own former Treasurer swindled them out of several million dollars they have yet to recover. Oh, and the anti-regulation Club For Growth that most famously tried to unseat Arlen Specter in the 2004 primary is now a successful talking point against the right-wing candidates they backed — so much so that the moderate Republican they unseated in Maryland is campaigning for the Democrat against them. They're not just eating their young anymore, they're straight up devouring each other.

SPENCER: Dear Rick Perlstein, the country needs you to interpret this. Megan, you and I considered yesterday whether the GOP bottom-floor will hit when white people start voting for the party in significant numbers. But Yglesias had yesterday(ish) that white people still lean McCain, so we're clearly not there yet if so. But what about when the GOP can't get its most-promising recruits elected? Not the bottom floor, certainly, but closer to the foundation than the antenna.

MEGAN: Um, was that maybe Ezra who said it?

SPENCER: Ahhhh no this is Ezra riffing off Yglz.

MEGAN: Ah, okay. As I said yesterday, the Republican Party has been wholly conflicted since they built the unholy coalition of the religious right and the fiscal conservatives. They built a tower on a conflicted ideological foundation, and now it's crumbling with the shifts.

SPENCER: But that's been a durable coalition for many many years. I want the fracturing. We know the fault lines, but when is the earthquake? And how many more metaphors can we scramble up?

MEGAN: I think we can scramble many more metaphors! But this is no Leaning Tower of Pisa, this is, in my opinion, the slow decline and they know it. The religious right wants to spend money — tons of money — on social programs and foreign wars (how many neocons do you know that can rightly claim the mantle of fiscal conservatism)? And the fiscal conservatives are supposed to want lower taxes to get less government. Bush, and the Republican Presidents before him, were able to successfully split the difference by lowering taxes and increasing spending. How can John McCain do that in this climate? How can Congressional Republicans? And independent voters are starting to finally recognize that, I think. Hell, I think fucking Republican voters aren't escaping that.

SPENCER: Sure sure sure it's just that these tensions have been widely predicted to lead to the Fall Of The House Of Reagan — cf "The Conservative Crackup," The American Prospect, Fall 1990 — since before we were in junior high. I'm just saying I'll believe it when I see it happen, and I've lost all predictive capability for when it'll occur. There's something to the idea that the GOP's electoral success is predicated on the idea that it picked really strong currents in the American body politic to serve as the basis for its admittedly-idiosyncratic coalition, but the mortar here — the mayonnaise in the egg salad, since we're scrambling metaphors — is RACE. And it seems most likely to crack when the mortar loses its adhesive qualities, and I want to believe extremely badly that that will occur in a month, but my life is predicated on the sturdy principal that hopelessness is a better bet than hope, but fuck it, right?

MEGAN: Well, geneticists have been saying for years that there is more variation within so-called races than between them. It looks like the same might be true with politics this year, at least for one race.

• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson: On the rocks??? Apparently LL loves to party and Sam is shuns the spotlight; plus Sam's a thoughtful person and isn't sure how she comes across in this "celebrity romance." Gah. [Daily Mail]
• Wait a minute! Sam proposed?! While she and Lindsay were on vacay in Mexico! With a Cartier diamond ring! [ONTD]
• Holy crap: John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston were seen kissing on Monday in California. They flew in to L.A. together on a private plane; hugged and kissed and then went their separate ways. Then again, the source is The National Enquirer. Hmm. [Perez Hilton]
• Jen and Vince together again in a sequel to The Break-Up? This just seems false. [Daily Express]
• Actor Guillaume Depardieu, son of French movie star Gerard Depardieu, died yesterday of complications from pneumonia. He was 37. [USA Today]
• Maureen McCormick, aka Marcia Brady, is spilling all in her new memoir: depression, drug addiction, abortions, trading sex for drugs and engaging in full-on binges at the Playboy Mansion. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! [E!]

• Prince performed in NYC over the weekend but told the audience to turn off their cellphones — which were interfering with the sound system — or "there may not be a show." Anderson Cooper was there. [Page Six]
• Russell Crowe has been cutting down on his drinking. "But tequila and I are still good friends, and vodka and I still get on. It’s just the dark drinks that don’t seem to bring out the best of my personality." [Daily Express]
• Is Kate Moss giving up drinking too? For Jamie Hince? [Mirror]
• If you haven't had enough Brad/Angelina/W magazine stuff, and you're curious how the photo shoot concept came about, click here. Hint: It has to do with Elizabeth Taylor, Bruce Weber, eBay and film that hasn't been manufactured for four years. [W]
• Simon Cowell's American Idol salary: $36 million a year. Paula Abdul's American Idol salary: $5 to $8 million a year. [MSNBC]
• Travis Barker, blogging from his hospital bed: "Despite any rumors you might have heard via my EX-wife Shanna Moakler, who I have not seen since the week I checked in, I've been treated amazingly well, both here in LA and in Georgia. The hospitals I've been treated at are THE BEST." [E!]
• A report, not a review, of Katie Holmes on Broadway: "She isn’t bad. She’s up against some real pro’s, and she holds her own. Like most movie and TV actors, her voice and projection need work. But she knows her lines, appears to understand the character, and does not embarrass herself at all." [Fox 411]
• Diddy sold his Rolls-Royce Phantom last week, but only because he's getting a new Rolls convertible. [Page Six]
• The person who wrote the lyrics and melody for Beyoncé's new song, "If I Were A Boy," is named BC Jean. But Beyoncé's father tried to get Beyonce’s name on the writing credits. [Fox 411]
• Nicole Richie filmed a guest spot on NBC's Chuck and played a bully with a "great fight scene." [People]
• Sharon Osbourne has a problem with Nicole Kidman — "she's got a forehead like a fucking flatscreen TV" — and other plastic surgery fans who pretend nothing has happened: "Oh my God! Those liars! I hate them! Those bitches! They are like, 'I didn't do anything.' Meanwhile, their eyebrows are here. Lying bitch!" [The Sun]
• Johnny Depp's ladyfriend, Vanessa Paradis, says, they are not getting married. "Each summer people say we're supposed to be getting married, but we don't talk about it that much. He's got me, and he knows he's got me." She also says she gets why women want to mob him: "I understand. I want to mob him all the time, I do. He's a very charming person." [People]
• David and Victoria Beckham's housekeepers deny stealing personal items from the house to sell on eBay. Guess who saw the stuff online and reported it to the cops? Vicky's parents. [Daily Mail]
• OMG. Kate Middleton caught talking on the phone while driving. The horror! [Telegraph]
• Rapper T.I. has a number one album and has to go to jail for weapons possession. He says he's "a little anxious" about prison. As for buying guns, he explains, "You know how many attempts have been made against my life? There are people out there that would rather kill you than to tell you, 'Good luck' or 'I am happy for you.' So, until you understand that, you wouldn't understand my train of thought. Not to say it was right. It's just my best explanation." [UPI]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt is talking about her body again! "I'm getting ready to turn 30 and get married and all those things," she says. "This year was my year to try to glow from within and feel better." So: "I work out about four or five days a week." She's perfecting her pushup and she thinks the plank pose is "very cool." [People]
• Mark Wahlberg. Gonna marry the lady who gave birth to his three kids. Say hi to your mother for me. [E!]
• Boy George called Little Britain star Matt Lucas a "prissy, niggly diva" back in 2002. He later attempted to apologize but Lucas didn't respond. [Daily Express]
• Richard Gere says: "I stopped reading the press a long time ago. Lots of crazy things came up about me at first, especially from the tabloids. There is an infamous 'Gere stuck a hamster up his bum' urban myth." But! As Michael Musto points out, it was a gerbil rumor. Hmm. [Village Voice]
• Kenny Chesney on his new album: "It's no secret—there are about four or five songs that are about Renée [Zellweger]." [E!]
• Blake Incarcerated's mom says: "I don't think rehab is the answer." She thinks Blake needs to come home to her. Plus she says: "I don't speak to Amy. I feel all the media attention on Amy has probably had an impact on my son's release." Ya think? [People]
• Janet Jackson has canceled more concerts. She still has not made a statement about what kind of illness she has. [AP]
• Uh, was Jermaine Dupri told by Janet Jackson's people, "You're not her boyfriend anymore." ??? [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
• Clark Gable's granddaughter Kayley is a fucking mess. [TMZ]
• Shannen Doherty has agreed to do two additional episodes on 90210. But seriously, no one is watching anymore, right? [LA Times]
• Lethal Weapon 5: Not happening. "Mel turned it down," director Richard Donner says. [LA Times]
• Kevin Spacey: Visiting professor at Oxford University. Pish posh, pip pip, cheerio! [The Star]
• Wanna see Roseanne riff on John McCain and "a nation run by old men on Viagra" ? Click the link! [Guardian]
• Lisa Marie Presley's twin girls are named Finley and Harper. [People]
• Lance Bass's ex, Reichen Lehmkuhl, has been posting personal trainer ads on Craigslist. [Perez Hilton]
• George Michael is coming out of "retirement" to perform at an exclusive show in Abu Dhabi next month. [Mirror]
• "He's one of the funniest human beings alive." — Dick Van Dyke on Ricky Gervais. [The Star]
• "[Heath Ledger] never involved himself in Hollywood and he didn't want to be a celebrity. He wanted to be an actor. I love acting. I just don't like the current state of the movie business and what is released. The rest of the world makes movies that mean something some of the time. In America, we don't." — Billy Bob Thornton, who worked with Ledger in Monster's Ball. [Daily Express]
• "There's nothing wrong with Disney, but my benchmarks are more West Side Story meets Jesus Christ Superstar. I'm trying to write a musical that will be relevant to a 16-year-old today, a rite of passage for a young girl into womanhood." — Tori Amos, who is working on a feminist fairytale, to be completed by 2010. [Independent]
• "Breast cancer helped me put myself first in life. Once I stepped out of radiation, I had to remember that the only person who could take care of me was me. I'd better do that before I take care of everybody else, instead of everybody else first." — Sheryl Crow. [People]
• "One of the best things about America is that we are a melting pot, a mix of many, many different races and nations. Yes, they have their own nationalities and are very proud of them, but that certainly doesn't diminish the fact that they're American. To me, that is what being American is." — Angelina Jolie on her kids. [Perez Hilton]
• "[Barack Obama] is still so new. He seems like a strong leader. We'll see." — Lauren Bush. [Page Six]

• Authorities from Australia and New Zealand are investigating Roman Hasil, an uncertified OB/GYN who lives in a homeless shelter in Australia, after patients complained of medical negligence and sexual assault, including one claim that he touched a patient's vagina and said "who is the boss now?" • Rev. Peter Mullen, a chaplain in England, said on his blog that homosexuals should have warning labels such as "FELLATIO KILLS" tattooed on their backs and necks to warn about diseases; he now claims the statements "light-hearted jokes" that were "in the tradition of English satire." • Ultra-Orthodox Jewish "modesty patrols" in Israel have been accused of physically attacking women they view as being immodest and torching stores that sell internet technology. • A study of young children attending an international school in Beijing found that girls have a harder time than boys adjusting in an environment where they don't fully know the language. • A recent study has found that female smokers require less tobacco exposure than men to increase their colon cancer risk. • Sentencing is scheduled this week for a rapist in London who was nabbed by authorities because of distinctive rings he wore (two gold sovereign rings and one rink marked "Dad") when he attacked and raped a woman. • Holly Budge was among the three skydivers who became the first skydivers to freefall over Mount Everest yesterday after 15 years of preparation.• The centuries-old tradition of "sworn virgins" in Albania, where a woman can claim to be a man and have all the rights of a man in exchange for celibacy, is dying out. • Author Marc Silver asks if a wife's cancer will lead to her husband's infidelity and finds out that... it really just depends on the husband! • A cleric in Saudi Arabia has asked Muslim women to wear one-eyed veils because having two eyes visible (and being able to gauge distances) is too seductive. • Recent studies have found that there may be a link between CMV, a common herpes virus, and malignant giloma, a deadly brain cancer. • After a scandal broke out in Para, a state in Brazil where a 15-year-old woman was jailed for weeks with men who sexually abused and tortured her, the Governor of Para has acknowledged that girls were being arrested by police to "expressly to provide sexual gratification for prisoners." • A recent study has found that pregnant women who get flu shots can greatly reduce the risk of their infants getting the flu and/or respiratory illnesses for that year. • Meanwhile, a study has found that babies who slept in rooms with fans were 72% less likely to die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. •

• Past Fashion: Easter outfits!!!
  
• Slut Machine returned from vacation and brought back some advice about buttcracks.
  
• You told us what happens to your buttcracks — and all your other lady bits — when you are with child. (Pssst: you pee your pants a lot)
  
• We learned about man parts too.

• Younger men have the best man parts!
• We bemoaned the stupidity of Bush's spokesjerk, Dana Perino.
• You know who else was a jerk this week? Dear Abby.
• Is Dear Abby a better writer than Tori Spelling? We bet Tori gives better advice.
• It looks like Renee Zellweger is on goofballs.
• Or maybe she just needs a good rogering with an unassuming household item.
• So take your magic coochies and put them to good use this weekend. You're worth it!

• Eddie Murphy is on crack if he thinks a little bling is enough to convince the world that he treats his girlfriends well. Um, remember that you fathered and denied, Eddie? [People.com]
  
• Oh come on people: There are enough real bombs in this world. Don't plant fake ones. [BBC]
  
• Memo to President Bush: We already know that your reasons for attacking Iraq were bullshit. So don't feed us any of your retroactive theories now. [CNN]
  
• Memo to Tony Blair: You lost your right to pontificate on the situation in the Middle East, too. [NYT]
  
• Does this guy have a t-shirt that says, "I Served In Iraq And All I Got Was This Lousy Bionic Hand"? [CNN]

• YouTube debates? Genius. Also — who else liked Biden alluding to Kucinich's hot wife? [USA Today]
• Interesting shoes, but where does all the nasty-ass toe jam go? [Boing Boing]
• What? MySpace? Rife with sex offenders? Shocking! [MSNBC]
• 2 U.S. casualties identified. [DoD]

• Aw! Eva Mendes says it's easy to get all "critical" of yourself when you're on the red carpet but that she doesn't let herself "fall into that" — but that's she also "thankful" for her "nice physique"! Pretty sad if this counts as having positive body image nowadays. [People]
  
• In poor England it's all water, water everywhere not not a drop to drink. [BBC]
  
• Bush is cancer-free, meaning that now Cheney has to cut short his vacation and return to running the country. [CNN]
  
• Oh fuck: Botulism. [CNN]
  
• It's official: Drew Carey's the new host of The Price Is Right. The showcase showdown is dead to us. [11 Alive News]

• Campbell Brown is headed to CNN: Have fun with the chain-smoking witch, kiddies! [USA Today]
• 8.3 million copies of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows sold since 12:01 am on Saturday. [USA Today]
• Memo to ABC News: Posh was joking. [ABC News]
• 7 U.S. casualties identified since Friday. [DoD]

• Harry Potter! Yup, we pre-ordered our copy of the last-ever Harry Potter book. And we get to pick it up at 12:01 am tonight. We're super nervous about what's going to happen, too. We think that Snape isn't evil though. But we have a sneaking suspicion Harry is going to die. And we will be reading it all weekend to find out. No judgments, please.
  
• So, President Bush has banned torture. Wow took him long enough, huh? Also, we have about as much faith in this executive order as, oh, Paris saying she's never done drugs. [BBC]
  
• Bush is also getting a colonoscopy tomorrow. We just hope that Cheney doesn't go and revoke that executive order during that one hour when he's the acting president while Bush has a lighted tube shoved up his ass. [MSNBC]
  
• And if either Bush or Cheney cared at all about justice, they would do something to free Genarlow Wilson. [CNN]
  
• Wait, what?! David Beckham isn't even sure when he's going to feel up to playing soccer? Make it stop. Please. [E!]

• Former Full House-er / meth addict Jodie Sweetin gets hitched! Aw, there's hope for all of us now, isn't there?! [Yahoo!]
• Ok so blah blah blah Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker finally kissed and made up and now the Sex and the City movie is going to happen, right? Um, not so much. Chris Noth (aka Mr. Big) hasn't agreed to participate. Cry, Daily Candy-ites, cry. [Extra]
• 2 U.S. casualties and 1 missing sailor identified. [DoD]

• Bill Clinton has begun blogging! Just like us! We wonder if he'll do hungover Friday tomorrow too! [Clinton Foundation]
  
• We've always really liked Craig Ferguson. Now we have to like him less: He's dating Sharon Stone. Anna's heart just broke. [The Daily Blabber]
  
• A judge has dismissed Valerie Plame's lawsuit against the White House in regards to leaking her identity while working as an undercover operative for the CIA. [MSNBC]
  
• Go with us on this: Dinosaurs are sorta like Lindsay Lohan. A slow ascent to power in which they knocked out their other, similar, competitors. And then overnight (literally) crashed and burned. [BBC]

• The story about the Chinese dumplings stuffed with cardboard instead of pork? Not so true! And our theories that Bush has it out for China are further confirmed. [CNN]
• Which is maybe because the Chinese economy is booming? [NYT]
• Mijovi is an energy drink. Bon Jovi is a musician. The latter thinks the former stole his name. We laugh at both. [USA Today]
• Do not ever, ever put the words "Kelly Clarkson" and "suicide" in the same sentence, haters. We momentarily stopped breathing. [ABC News]
• Jude Law's a lover not a fighter. Uh yeah, tell us something that his nanny, Sienna Miller, and his ex-wife don't already know. [E!]
• 9 U.S. casualty reports today pending DoD confirmation. [Iraq Coalition Casualties]

• We still don't understand why, in love triangles involving two women and one man, the women usually hate one another but the man gets off scot-free. Anyway, it turns out that astronaut Lisa Nowak ended up driving hundreds of miles and pepper-spraying her love rival because she just wanted to talk to her. [CNN]
  
• If this doesn't mark the beginning of the end of L.A. nightlife, we don't know what is: Bob Saget was the biggest star at the Olsens twin home-away-from home nightclub Hyde last night. [TMZ]
  
• The English. Are. READING. Books! Whoah. [BBC]
  
• Beyonce: possibly drunk, caught in the act. [24/Sizzler]

• Antidepressants are the most prescribed drugs in America. [CNN]
• Bush claims executive privilege to prevent having to testify before federal prosecutors. We assume, unlike Cheney, he actually didn't really know whether he was a member of the executive branch and had to ask someone first. [CNN]
• This is what we get for not having studied Hemingway past our sophomore year of high school: Hemingway's cats have 6 toes? How did we not know this? [CNN]
• Unwanted pregnancy seems to be the least of Iraqis' worries about pulling out. [NYT]
• Memo to kids who move back in with the 'rents post-college: Things might get awkward when you have crazy loud wall-banging sex in your (childhood) room. [ABC News]
• 9 U.S. casualties identified since Friday. [DoD]

• Does she not have enough money already? Oprah Winfrey is opening her own store. [Hollywood Reporter]
  
• The Bush Administration has been subpoenaed for illegal wiretapping. The moment we heard this we called our mom and screamed with joy — because if anyone's being wiretapped it's us. [BBC]
  
• 1/3 of the Jezebel Administration has been subpoenaed for legal Paris Hilton/Larry King liveblogging. See you guys in two hours.
  
• Little Bindi Irwin makes like dad and plays with dangerous animals fearlessly, lovingly. [USA Today]
  
• The case of the now-21-year old who had consensual oral sex at age 17 has been denied bail for his 10-year sentence. We hate to say it, but we think this is what institutionalized racism smells like. [CNN]

• TV star/presidential candidate Fred Thompson has earned the endorsements of all of his former girlfriends. Hmm. Would our former boyfriends would do the same for us. Boys? Care to comment? [TMZ]
• We love bad TV (more on obsessions with Age of Love and Hannah Montana tomorrow!), but even we shudder at the thought of this newest reality program. [ABC News]
• You gotta love a baby hippo! [Discovery]
• 3 U.S. casualties identified today. [DoD]

In both cases, the purgers valued a hidden, unofficial standard (conventional attractiveness, willingness to elevate politics over law) far more highly than their public, official standard (friendship/personal growth, enforcement of law). And to conceal this unsavory reality, they shifted the blame to the purgees, slandering them as lazy or incompetent underperformers.

So basically, the Bush administration fired a bunch of government lawyers because they were fat and ugly. I mean, "Shut Up!", right? But we checked out some pics, and we think maybe it's true! It totes made us miss the days when presidents were too horny to work around women who were not semi-butch. They just seemed so competent that way.

Dubya Zeta [Firedoglake]