Writes Judith Warner, after remembering a painful few years of early-teen cruelty,

In fiction. It's what I hope my next book project will be, you see: a tween time-travel novel set in 1977, when there really was a roller rink on Waverly Place, and I was in 7th grade...The book is ostensibly all about a daughter's learning that she can't meddle in her mother's (past) life; she has to let her have bad experiences and grow up to be who she is destined to be. But it's not coincidental that, in the course of learning these lessons, my fictional daughter lives in a world completely controlled, defined and circumscribed by me.

What's as interesting as Warner's interesting piece is the reaction from readers: the comments section is filled with stories of well-remembered pain and a sense of its injustice that never goes away, even if it fades. (That headline quote comes from one of these readers.) There's something about that age, on the cusp of childhood, that's particularly vulnerable. (There's a reason they made a movie, 13, abut this very period.) Yesterday, talking about Tavi the pre-teen blogger, we editors reminisced about our own 13-year-old accomplishments and the wondrous potential of that age. In fact, it's a time I try to avoid thinking about, since it's when the cozy cocoon of childhood broke and I found myself the target of casual mockery on a daily basis. It's funny: I had not acknowledged that for years; I'd blocked 7th grade completely from my consciousness. But it's when I went from self-assured and oblivious to aware that I was unattractive and tiny and ridiculous with my piping voice and big vocabulary. I remember primarily a sense of bewildered inadequacy, a wish to go unnoticed in the halls or the lunchroom and avoid a jibe or a throwaway remark that my antagonists surely forgot as soon as I was out of sight. Most people didn't bother to be cruel, but there were enough. I'm reminded, if forced to think about that time, of the humiliating day when it all became too much and I broke down sobbing in class and was sent home, a victim. And I cease to feel like a normal-looking adult with a career and a basically-average height, and become a nonentity. This isn't even a particularly traumatic case - it's more average than not. Certainly not a horror story, and no cousin to the very real tragedies that we see week after week. But even now, thinking of those days of timing my trips through the halls so as to avoid other kids, or slipping into a seat just as class started so no one would have a chance to make fun of me, causes the base of my skull to tighten with a well-remembered tension.

Warner wishes both to spare her daughter that pain and reconnect with her younger self, and she's clearly not alone: when one looks at the adult women questioning the work of a 13-year-old girl, it's hard not to wonder if they, too, have scars dating back to that age. And wondering, per that commenter's remark, where they and so many other successful women fell on the bullying/victim spectrum.

40 Is Not The New 12 [NY Times]

Earlier: Elle Editor Leads Backlash Against 13-Year-Old Fashion Blogger

• Law Professor Alan Young notes that witchcraft charges don't actually target witches (no shit) but those who use fake magical powers to prey on vulnerable people. • The American Library Association has announced a new prize for YA writers: the Excellence in Nonfiction for Young Adults award. A book about civil rights heroine Claudette Colvin is among the five finalists for the prize. The winner will be announced January 18th. • In 2008, women held only 15.2% of the seats on U.S. boards of directors for Fortune 500 companies. A year later, the percentage hasn't changed at all. And the same study found that women only make up 6.3% of corporate top earners. "The leadership doesn't reflect the marketplace or the talent pool," said lead researcher Ilene Lang. •  LaTanya Clemmons, sister of alleged cop-killer Maurice Clemmons, has been arrested and charged with four counts of rendering criminal assistance. LaTanya, along with five of her relatives, are being charged for their role in Maurice's escape (he eluded police for two days before he was discovered and shot by a Seattle officer). • A mother from the UK is fighting to receive donor milk for her 15-month-old son. She is currently unable to breastfeed the child due to chemotherapy, and although nurses tried giving him formula milk, it only made him sick. She was provided with donor milk for several months, but the hospital has decided that he no longer needs it. She asks that they continue giving her milk until March, when she will have finished with chemo. • Alexis Xanders was walking home from school a couple months ago when a group of kids - including one with a video camera - began to harass her and her boyfriend. The bullying escalated, and Xanders was eventually punched in the face by a member of the school's wrestling team. Fortunately, she got her hands on a copy of the tape and uploaded it to CNN iReport. Authorities are now investigating the fight, which apparently all began when Xanders said she didn't like Insane Clown Posse. • A nativity scene in front of the Old City Hall in Toronto has been altered today, after several news sources noted that the display featured a plaque from the Campaign Life Coalition - a pro-life group. City officials said the sign did not comply with their Human Rights Policy, and asked the CLC to take it down. Apparently they did so, grudgingly. • Serena Williams is in the running to be named the AP's Athlete of the Decade. Why her? Because: "With unprecedented power and underrated agility, she has transformed the way the women's game is played. Her flair for theatrics and compelling back story brought new fans to the sport, which helped the WTA Tour achieve new levels of popularity... This is an athlete who has that very, very unique combination of grit and glamour, power and grace." •

The Megan Meier Act states that "electronic communications provide anonymity to the perpetrator and the potential for widespread public distribution, potentially making them severely dangerous and cruel to youth," and that "cyberbullying can cause psychological harm, including depression; negatively impact academic performance, safety, and the well-being of children in school; force children to change schools; and in some cases lead to extreme violent behavior, including murder and suicide." But its real meat is the following:

Whoever transmits in interstate or foreign commerce any communication, with the intent to coerce, intimidate, harass, or cause substantial emotional distress to a person, using electronic means to support severe, repeated, and hostile behavior, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than two years, or both.

Part of the No Child Left Behind Act does require schools to institute anti-bullying efforts, but no federal law currently prohibits cyberbullying. The Megan Meier Act would change that. Rep. Linda Sanchez (D-CA) argues that the law is necessary because, "Bullying has gone electronic. This literally means kids can be bullies at any hour of the day or the night, or even in the victims' own home." British bullying victim Emily Moor agrees. Of her harassment from the ages of 13 to 18, she says, "Bullying usually ends when you leave school, but with Facebook it feels as if there is no end." Her mother adds,

The internet is a sinister, silent enemy: you simply don't know where to start to tackle the problem. But faceless as a computer may be, it is every bit as threatening as a physical bully, if not more so because the audience reading these horrible messages can be enormous.

The Daily Mail is calling Moor's tormentor "the first Internet bully sent to jail" in Britain, but she also physically assaulted Moor, and it's likely she would go to jail in the US too, cyberbullying laws or no. And many in the House feel that specific laws preventing online harassment give prosecutors too much power. Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) says the Megan Meier Act "appears to be another chapter of over criminalization," and that it could be used to prosecute the "mean-spirited liberals" who criticize him on blogs. He added that prosecutors might use the law to "harass the harasser," and that, "a good prosecutor could indict a ham sandwich."

While harassment by a sandwich is something I'd like to see, it is true that the Internet is still relatively uncharted legal territory, and laws regarding it can be misused. Megan Meier's harasser Lori Drew was initially convicted of violating the MySpace terms of service, but a judge overturned her conviction because it would allow anyone who violated a website's service terms to be prosecuted. As heinous as Drew's behavior was, such a precedent might give websites enormous powers to get users thrown behind bars for crimes much less serious than hers.

Then there's the question of whether legislation is even the right way to combat bullying. Forty-five states now have some sort of anti-cyberbullying law, but harassment researcher Catherine Hill says there's no indication yet that they actually prevent bullying. And Justin W. Patchin, coauthor of Bullying Beyond the Schoolyard: Preventing and Responding to Cyberbullying, says,

I really don't want to criminalize this behavior. I think there is a role for both the federal and state governments in terms of educating local school districts about what cyber-bullying is and what they can do about it, and providing resources to help them prevent and respond to online aggression. But criminalization doesn't seem to me to be the best approach.

Whenever a child is bullied, especially when the bullying has dire consequences as in the case of Megan Meier (pictured, with her mom), it's natural to ask why the authorities in the child's life didn't offer protection. And schools shouldn't throw up their hands and dismiss bullying as a fact of life, as Moor's school initially did. Criminally prosecuting bullying after the fact may have a place in any anti-bullying campaign, especially inasmuch as acknowledges that virtual harassment can cause real harm. But the often anonymous nature of cyberbullying will always make it difficult to prosecute all offenders, and the danger of over-prosecution is (despite Gohmert's flippancy) a real one. Just as British libel laws can leave some journalists afraid to criticize anyone, cyberbullying laws could unfairly target bloggers. It might be more effective to prevent cyberbullying at the source, by teaching kids better methods of conflict resolution. Patchin himself, however, admits that we're still not sure how to do this. Cyberbullying may be new, but bullying itself is one of the many ancient human evils we don't really know how to curtail. At least Megan Meier's case has made us aware that we need to.

Cyberbullying Bill Gets Chilly Reception [Wired]
Facebook Bullies Ruined My Life: As The First Internet Bully Is Sent To Jail, The Story That Will Terrify Every Parent [Daily Mail]
Preventing Cyberbullying Remains Terra Incognita [Miller-McCune]

Forty-four states have specific anti-bullying laws, which were largely created as a response to the school shootings in the 1990s, but few of the laws include any method for making sure the laws are enforced or have ever been used to stop students from harrassing others, according to the AP.

Parents are now pushing for schools to take stronger action against bullying in light of several children under the age of 12 committing suicide earlier this year, in incidents some claim involved bullying. The AP reports that in mid-April,

Sirdeaner Walker found her son Carl hanged in her Springfield, Mass., home. The 11-year-old had complained of teasing almost immediately after arriving at his new charter school, she said.

Parents in Illinois likewise pointed to bullies after three suicides there in February: a 10-year-old boy hanged himself in a restroom stall in a suburban Chicago school, an 11-year-old boy was found dead in Chatham, south of Springfield, and a father found his 11-year-old daughter hanged in a closet of their Chicago home.

Though Georgia has one of the toughest bullying laws in the country, the parents of 11-year-old Jaheem Herrera, who committed suicide in April, insist the school didn't do enough to stop him from being harassed by his peers (the state law wouldn't have applied anyway since Herrera was in fifth grade and it only applies to grades six through 12.) Other Georgia parents came forward after the boy's death alleging that they'd complained about their children being bullied but schools did nothing.

Brenda High, who started tracking anti-bulllying laws on her website Bully Police USA after her 13-year-old son committed suicide in 1998, says there should be consequences for schools that ignore bullying complaints:

"It needs to be written into the law that bullying has the same consequences as assault," she said. "The records and such need to be kept so that if the child is a chronic bully, they - after so many instances - will end up in an alternative school."

Though Georgia's law actually does say that state funding will be stripped from schools that fail to take action after three incidents involving a bully, no school has ever lost funding because the schools don't collect data on the incidents. Very few states require schools to gather or report data on bullying.

Part of the problem is that it's hard to define what constitutes bullying. According to the National Center for Education Statistics, in 2007 nearly a third of students ages 12 to 18 said they had been bullied, meaning the problem has been getting worse in recent years. Though it's possible children are just more willing to report incidents, they say they're experiencing more teasing, spreading rumors, and threats, which are hard for schools to identify and prevent. Officials in DeKalb County, Georgia, insist they found no evidence Herrera was being bullied before he killed himself. Dale Davis, a spokesman for the school district says:

"One of the questions is how do you quantify bullying? It could even be as simple as a rolling of the eyes."

Though everyone has been teased at some point and can imagine how debilitating it is for chronic victims, research suggest people need to identify more with bullies. Last month researchers at Indiana University found that most students see people as either "bullies" or "non-bullies" and then ignore anti-harassment messages if they generally label themselves as non-bullies.

The fact that bullying is so common also makes some people treat it as an unavoidable, but fairly innocuous aspect of childhood. On Friday Laurie Taylor wrote a column for the BBC about how as a boy he and his classmates used to harass one a student named McNulty because he was a know-it-all. He concludes that it all turned out alright because McNulty went on to have a successful career as an MP and commenters were angry that Taylor was so glib about bullying. But Taylor doesn't mention any specific interaction with McNulty, and it seems he only went along with pranks like leaving library books on his desk or chuckled when everyone in the class told a new teacher his name was "McNulty."

Though obviously there are some students who habitually and severely harass a particular student, most of us have had a McNulty in our classes and stood by or even participated as they became the butt of every joke. Clearly, enforcing existing laws would help combat the most obvious forms of bullying. But putting an end to the torture that so many children experience every day would require every student to make a conscious decision to stop bullying, which is much more difficult than just cutting funding or transferring certain students to alternative schools.

AP Enterprise: Bullying Laws Give Scant Protection [Associated Press]
My Life As A Bully [BBC]

Earlier: Takes One To Know One

The mother says three boys began calling her daughter (identified in the suit by the initials B.G.) "fat" in sixth grade, and that two more boys joined in the daily bullying the next year. Her lawyer Edward A. Olds elaborates:

The offensive comments explicitly and implicitly conveyed the message that B.G. was unattractive and overweight.The comments were sexual in nature or conveyed sexual stereotyping.

B.G.'s mom says a guidance counselor did nothing when told about the bullying, and that school officials began harassing her when she tried to homeschool her daughter. She also says that the boys' actions triggered the anorexia that landed her daughter in an inpatient program in February 2008, at a "dangerously low" weight.

However, Lynn Grefe, CEO of the National Eating Disorders Association, says it's too simplistic to say bullying causes an eating disorder. Rather, she says, "With eating disorders, we say you're born with a gun and life pulls the trigger." Carrie Arnold of ED Bites adds,

[T]he bullying didn't cause this poor girl's anorexia. It might have triggered it, yes, in the sense that the bullying caused her to throw her lunch away, which led to the energy imbalance, which led to anorexia. But it didn't cause her anorexia. Science shows us that genetics form the biggest risk factor for eating disorders, although many environmental factors can play a role in triggering the disorder. This type of bullying is sadly common, and if every case resulted in anorexia, we would have many more cases of eating disorders than we presently do.

The causes of eating disorders are extremely complex, and not fully understood — the question of whether skinny models actually "incite thinness," for instance, is still being debated. But the cause-trigger paradigm that Grefe and Arnold cite seems to be the most common one, and if we accept it, we need to ask how severe a trigger has to be in order to merit a lawsuit. Could an anorexia sufferer sue a magazine? Her parents? Since weight loss itself can be a trigger for anorexia, could someone sue the restaurant where she got food poisoning?

Of course, non-anorexic people sue restaurants for giving them food poisoning, and this brings up an important point: many triggers for eating disorders are bad things anyway. Bullying is a good example. Even if it didn't "cause" B.G.'s anorexia, the school should have put a stop to it. Law professor Bruce Ledewitz says the real issue is that bullying "deprives the victim of an educational opportunity." And Arnold writes, "Schools should refuse to tolerate bullying because it's harmful and wrong, not just because someone developed an eating disorder." So while the lawsuit brought by B.G.'s mom may encourage a simplistic understanding of eating disorders, it might also encourage schools to prevent their students from making each other miserable.

Image from the Highmark Foundation, via The Inspiration Room.

Mom Sues Over Daughter's Anorexia [UPI.com]
Mom: My Daughter Was Bullied Into Anorexia [AP, via CBS]
Cause Vs. Trigger [ED Bites]

For the first time, the American Academy of Pediatrics's official statement on youth violence — coming out next month — will include a section on bullying. The section includes recommendations for schools based on the research of Norwegian psychologist Dan Olweus, who, interestingly enough, focuses not on bullies or victims but on bystanders. "Olweus's genius," says statement author Robert Sege, "is that he manages to turn the school situation around so the other kids realize that the bully is someone who has a problem managing his or her behavior, and the victim is someone they can protect." Other recommendations include reorganizing the school layout or paying more attention to places — like an "out-of-sight corner" — where bullying can easily flourish.

The new statement comes after a spate of studies showing that bullies, as well as victims, face psychological risks. One study found that both bullies and the bullied were more likely to have suicidal thoughts. Another found that some bullies — specifically those with a condition called conduct disorder — actually enjoyed watching other kids get hurt. And of course, the unique risks of cyberbullying, especially in the wake of Megan Meier's suicide, have been well-documented.

Klaas writes:

The way we understand bullying has changed, and it's probably going to change even more. [...] But anyone working with children needs to start from the idea that bullying has long-term consequences and that it is preventable.

Nipping schoolyard bullying in the bud — before it can become a lifelong problem — is an important goal, and Klaas's story resonates more than the Times's recent pieces on female workplace bullying. Rather than, as Dodai says, "running panicky stories about ladies misbehaving at the office," let's focus on kids harming other kids and what doctors, parents, and schools can do about it.

At Last, Facing Down Bullies (and Their Enablers) [New York Times]
With Bullying, Suicide Risk for Victims and Tormentors [New York Times]

Earlier: Yup, Bullies Really Are Sadistic Jerks
Female "Bullies" At Work: What Are These Pieces Really Trying To Say?
Bullied At Work? Chances Are, The Abuser Is Another Woman

As the blogger behind the fantastic Echidne Of The Snakes writes: "This piece sounds to me like yet another in that long series the Times has: What Is Wrong With Working Women? These stories always create or magnify a problem and then offer anecdotal evidence on how awful the problem is." She continues:

To get to that point, the present article quickly slides by the facts: Men are more often bullies than women and if you work a little on those percentages you will find that male-on-female (heh) bullying is a larger percentage than female-on-female bullying. But never mind, we shall write about the latter!

Please note: The most recent Times story is based on a survey by the Workplace Bullying Institute (?!?), which was also the source of the January article. And the "expert," Peggy Klaus, interviewed in Saturday's piece, wrote the Sisterhood Of Workplace Infighting story in January. And! In March 2008, the Times did a story called "When the Bully Sits in the Next Cubicle."

Obviously, if there are women in the workplace, and there is bullying in the workplace, then from time to time, there are going to be women bullying women at work. But what is the motivation behind running panicky stories about ladies misbehaving at the office? Echidne notes:

If female bullies mainly attack other women because women are seen as easier targets, could it be that the same motivation underlies articles like this one? Attacking the Big Boys With The Moneybags is scary, as those moneybags make excellent defensive weapons.

There's no telling why the Times needed two bullying stories within five months, but in an economic downturn, doesn't focusing on the bitchiness and cattiness of ladies in cubicles seem rather cruel? Bully behavior, even?

Backlash: Women Bullying Women At Work [NY Times]
The Bully Boys Gals [Echidne Of The Snakes]

Earlier: Bullied At Work? Chances Are, The Abuser Is Another Woman
Bullies Are As Common In The Cubicle As The Classroom

"For the last two years she has been going through torture and made to feel like she is worthless. She thinks she is ugly, fat and smells because that is what she hears at school," Nadia's mother, Lindsay Dorrington, tells the Daily Mail, "When I saw the video I was so angry and upset. It is a nasty, vicious attack. I was in shock and I properly realised how bad the bullying actually was." Three of her attackers have already been suspended for their role in the attack, and Debbie Godfrey-Phaure, the school's Headteacher, claims the school has "a zero tolerance policy about bullying at Avonbourne. We simply do not tolerate it.Every allegation of bullying in this case has been fully investigated but it is only now with this video clip that we have the evidence we need."

The incident is reminiscent of the videotaped attack on a 16-year-old in Lakeland, Florida that occurred last year, when six cheerleaders beat a classmate so badly that she suffered a concussion, hearing, and vision loss. The cheerleaders taped the incident and proudly displayed it on YouTube. When they were arrested, one of the cheerleaders actually laughed about the incident, and, according to Polk County, Fla., Sheriff Grady Judd, showed little to no remorse: "When we had them arrested and in detention, they were laughing and joking, ‘Guess we're not going to go to the beach on this spring break.' One girl actually asked our detective, ‘Am I going to be released in time to go to cheerleading practice tomorrow?'"

A similar attack occurred in North Babylon, NY, in 2007: three girls beat a 13-year-old girl and posted the clip on several web sites. The fight was reportedly over a boy, and several students can be seen watching the fight without intervening, even as the victim screams for help. After the attack, the girls are seen "running away, then laughing and boasting about how easily they overcame the girl."

The level of brutality in these attacks, as well as the seeming sense of pride that the attackers display, even after they're punished for their crimes, are extremely disturbing reminders that we live in a world where the ability to disconnect is frighteningly easy. The girls seem more interested in achieving some sense of notoriety, or even fame, for being willing to kick the shit out of one of their peers: though this time of bullying is as old as the school system, the ability to share one's "victories" with others is still relatively new. This is a generation with very blurred boundaries between "real" life and an online identity: just as they share their favorite movies, songs, and quotes online, they share their fears, their flaws, and, apparently, the bleaker parts of their lives. A videotaped beating then becomes as ordinary as a video of a dance recital, or a party, or a goofy parody of some song. Life, as they know it, is meant to be documented, edited, and shared with the universe.

Though one hopes that these videos would provide insight into the bullying that girls face on a daily basis—both taped and untaped—and provide justice for the victims, as well as an eye-opener for any girls currently bullying their classmates, it seems that these taped beatings only normalize the process, as other girls hop on the bandwagon, consequences be damned. Being infamous, it seems, is the next best thing to being famous. And it doesn't matter who gets hurt along the way—as long as the rest of the world gets to see it.

3 Girls Arrested In Videotaped Beating [CBS]
Teens Videotape Revenge Beating [MSNBC]
Four Schoolgirls Suspended As Police Probe Vile YouTube Attack On Girl, 14, By Classmates [DailyMail]

• Liposuction around the midsection does not have the same heart-helping properties as traditional weight loss methods, doctors say. • Two studies from the University of California, Berkeley, have found that mothers who take maternity leave both before and after giving birth require fewer C-sections and have healthier babies. • In the UK's biggest sex discrimination case, a Muslim woman is suing a bank for £16.7 million after accusing two managers of sex, race and religious discrimination. • Screw those what-color-are-you tests, where you sit on a bus is the legit way to determine your personality type. • A new series of short, New Jersey-based soap operas aims to promote safe sex among women. • In the UK, 3,500 students are suspended each year for sexual bullying. • A 10-week-old baby girl has died after her parents allegedly fed her half an ecstasy tablet. • Prenatal testing for genetic abnormalities may be linked to an increased risk of birthmarks. • An Illinois jeweler is selling senate seats. Sadly, the seats are 3/4-inch silver charms, and do not come with a free hairdo or hairbrush. • The Bush family's eighteen-year-old cat, India, died Sunday at the White House. •

One of the women, Lynda Cuddy, who was a target of girl-on-girl workplace bullying said, "You tend to expect women to have more empathy and compassion, but she didn't have it. And when she seemed to, it wasn't genuine." And the evil female boss used this perception to her advantage: "the 'compassion' was likely nothing more than her fishing for personal information to identify Ms. Cuddy's vulnerabilities," the Financial Post notes.

Be very, very wary of anyone at a new job who wants to me your omg bff within five seconds of your joining a company. They're generally not to be trusted. Which is not to say that you shouldn't be friends with people at work, just be cautious, as many of us have been burned by allegedly friendly co-workers. The Financial Post also suggests that if you think you're getting bullied at work, get absolutely everything in writing. "Document and log everything — gather facts. - Get it in writing. E-mails are better than voice mail. Avoid communicating with the bully when there is no witness. - For behind the closed-door bullying — do some detective work," the Post advises. "Try to gather as many specifics as possible as to what's been said. - Be professional and calm in all communication with the bully, human resources or management. Stick to the facts, present a business case of the cost of the bullying to the employer."

The sad thing is, 77% of the time bullies go on to bully, and the targets lose their jobs, the Post notes. Quebec and Saskatchewan have already put anti-bullying laws on the books and Ontario is considering such a law. In the meantime, if you think you're being bullied, follow the advice above and be professional, but make sure to have a paper trail.

No Sisterhood At Work [Financial Post]

Earlier: Bullies Are As Common In The Cubicle As The Classroom

Related:
If The Boss Is Young And Male, Watch Out [NYT]

Here in the US, a 12-year-old Brooklyn girl tied a belt around her neck and hung herself in her closet last week. Maria Herrera's mother claims that kids at school would "harass her, curse at her, call her 'train tracks' because she had braces" and "cut her hair." At Maria Hererra's memorial, classmates left notes that read "I am sorry" and "We won't bother you." Maria's mother says she went to the school to complain about the bullying and nothing was done.

In the UK, teachers have been instructed to crack down on bullying, manipulation and vicious behavior. But here in New York state, anti-bullying legislation has been proposed, but not passed.

Bullying is not new, but suddenly, we're living in a world where everyone's a critic. Cutting other people down is commonplace, a sport — from TV shows like America's Next Top Model and American Idol to blogs, MySpace and Facebook. Vicious words have always been present in school settings, but when we're in a society that seems to thrive on schadenfreude, how can kids feel like anyone gives a damn?

Cyber Bullying Common In Japan School Web Sites: Study [Reuters]
Bullies Blamed For Pre-Teen's Suicide [Gothamist]

Earlier: The Meanest Girls At School Are Often The Most Popular
Girl-On-Girl Crime: Schools Step In
If You Can Handle A Really Depressing Teen Suicide Story Right Now...

Researchers at SUNY New Paltz have developed a survey to help identify the full range of behaviors that can constitute bullying. Notes Parker-Pope: "Some of the behaviors — glaring, failing to return calls, not praising a worker — may seem trivial, but they take a toll when repeated over and over again." And in some ways, can a cubicle bully be worse than a childhood bully? You're an adult! You shouldn't have to put up with this! But you need the job. I wouldn't say I'd ever been bullied, although I did once work with a loud, gruff superior who often left people in tears. But that was before I checked the list supplied by the New York Times and SUNY New Paltz. Thinking of past jobs, I realized some of the "behaviors" were quite familiar! Have you regularly:

• Been glared at in a hostile manner? Yes, and sometimes I glared first.
• Been excluded from work-related social gatherings? Yes, thank God.
• Not been given the praise for which you felt entitled? Obviously.
• Had your contributions ignored by others? Yes, although sometimes instead of "ignoring" it was more like "laughing."
• Been lied to? Of course! This is America!

The Bully Next Door [BusinessWeek]
When the Bully Sits in the Next Cubicle, Have You Been Bullied at Work? [NY Times]

Earlier: What Separates The Bullies From The Bullied?

Personally, I was weird, and shy, and ADD, and got good grades. I was the type of kid whose sixth birthday wish was that there would be no gravity. I was a fucking leper until...I got my braces out? Something like that. I've blacked it out, obviously.

It's a weird thing, being that kid who would do anything, anything, to trade places with anyone just one measly rank higher on the social totem pole, or the inconspicuousness pole. Time passes so slowly when you're a kid it's hard to fathom life after childhood; you're so much closer to innocence, to that kinder, more just womb of unconditional parental love that it's almost easier to conceive of the Afterlife than any Life After at that age, and so you cope and hold out and grow up and assume you were bullied so you would understand, so you would have empathy for others, so you would grow into the lovable misanthrope you turned out to be, so you would discover Dinosaur Jr., whatever.

Somewhere you forget kids are still getting bullied, that you boiled over with a rage you didn't know you still had when you saw that girl who mocked you every day in religion class — fucking religion class!? — at the reunion, and she's got a baby now, maybe they'll be bullies too; you should have gone and told her off but for the fact that she was posing for MySpace photos, admirably maintained backside turned toward the camera, with all those people she still hangs out with...and anyway you learned long ago to turn the other cheek as a life philosophy, not a weakness. That from alienation could come...if not exactly triumph, a pretty easy "A" on the big Kafka paper sophomore year. Etc. etc. etc. Etc. etc. etc. it's not about you, really. Have you learned nothing from the bullying? You still haven't answered any questions for your people.

Why do kids bully? And what of those precious kids who, for whatever reason, don't participate in the bullying? Who befriend the meek and the bullied from a place of social dominance? What are those kids smoking? Because the world needs more of that.

A Boy The Bullies Love To Beat Up, Repeatedly [NY Times]

Explains Val Besag, an educational psychologist who's written a book, Challenging Girls, "Boys have a hierarchy based on physical power, girls have a hierarchy based on friendships." Ms. Besag recommends that teenagers watch Mean Girls to show how detrimental manipulation and backstabbing are. Ms. Tuck warns that bitchy behavior is "women's last barrier to triumph in the workplace."

On one hand, emotional abuse from bullying can mean tragedy for young women like Jade Prest — and Megan Meier. But can schools really have an impact? And truthfully, as bad as it gets, bullying (or being bullied) can be a time-tested rite of passage for many girls. And when you're 13 years old and being bullied by a group of other girls, isn't it possible that the interference of an adult will just make the situation worse?

Crackdown On Schoolgirl Bullying Epidemic [Guardian]