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Yup, Bullies Really Are Sadistic Jerks
Bullies Are As Common In The Cubicle As The Classroom
New York, 4:03 PM
Sun Nov 8
25 posts in the last 24 hours
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Yup, Bullies Really Are Sadistic Jerks |
Bullies Are As Common In The Cubicle As The Classroom |
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11/07/08
I was pretty horribly bullied through all of my school years, too, and it pleases me to know that many of my graduating class are still stuck where they grew up.
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When I finally got fed up after she jumped on my back and tried choking me, I kicked her off me.
So she told her mother and her classmates, and I was pointed and stared at and would have been blamed for the whole thing, had I not gone to her teacher first and alerted her to the girls behavioral problems.
My whole school was upper-middle class doting PTA parents - but all girls, so I feel like its more the courtyard culture than anything going on at home that makes a bully.
Everyone's trying to fit in somewhere, and the ones that can't or don't want to are the targets.
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I fell in with some mean girls for a while there, and learned quite well how to deal with queen-bee politics--to recognize them when I saw them and decide who I was going to be in the face of them. It was pretty awesome. I mean, they were terrible, completely stuck in junior high, but at least we were never all forced to be in the same room together eight hours a day for years.
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...and while I would rather have not been through the teasing and the gossip, I'm glad that I understood that people are jerks when I was young. I mean, bullies in high school may not be bullies later in life, but you will always encounter people on power trips who abuse others. In some weird way, those girls were good training for every bad job I've had as an adult.
11/07/08
When I confronted son about it, he cried, knowing he did wrong, but said that if he didn't join in, he'd be called an "[girl's name here]-lover."
I am HORRIFIED by his behavior. He was punished for it, both at home and at school, but I in my heart I'm not sure that if the choice comes again for him to either "join in" or be the next target, his 8 year old self will do the right thing.
He complains regularly that his school is "riddled" (his word) with bullies and he hates it there. He just transitioned from a k-2 school to a 3-5 school, and frankly, he is not ready to be thrown in with 5th graders. He learned the word "rape" the other day. WTF!
I, too, always thought that bullies were bullies because their parents didn't have time for them or whatever, but . . . not so. It's a fucking jungle on the playground, it seems, and asking an 8 year old to stand up to meaner peers is asking a lot.
On the other hand, that poor little girl! I am distraught.
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@labeled: He has a younger sister. The thing is, he KNOWS it is wrong. He knows it. After it happens, he DOES feel bad about it, as he should. But he also knows, and let's be frank here, that it feels better in the moment to be the picker, and not the pickee. We are working very hard on the concept of "personal integrity" and being able to feel proud of oneself for doing the right thing in a difficult moment.
@amenfro: The school has instituted a "no bullying" policy and he did get reprimanded and had a report sent home. But as we know from experience, teachers can't be everywhere, all the time.
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Of course, then you run the risk of getting the "bullied" instead of the bully - a kid that is so empathetic that their defense mechanisms aren't as strong as they could be. Yeah, ask me how I know. But my "bullied" is 17 and about the enter the world where being "cool" means a LOT of different things.
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But the thing is, I was honestly happy, and I never, ever gave a shit. Nothing they ever did really affected me or the way I felt about myself. Your son is going to get picked on, and go through some shit regardless of whether or not he goes along with the crowd. It happens to everyone at one point or another. It's a lot easier to deal with when you're not one of them.
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I suppose though, as a funding drive, this is great PR.
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She turned to one of her posse and said, "I don't care, she's still as big as a cow" and she had it in for me the rest of the year. I tried to ignore her but I finally had enough in gym class. We got in a shoving match, the class took sides, and the gym coach called an end to it.
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She can't explain why she did what she did then. But when we were sophomores, she started contacting the people she used to torment (hello Facebook!) and apologizing. Most of them accepted; and for the ones that didn't accept her apology, she totally understood why.
11/07/08
@mossaia: Yeah, I think it meant a lot to people that he turned up and did that. He could have just stayed away, and then the whole thing still lingers, you know?
@amenfro: @Anointynointy: Definitely insecurity plays a big role. I think that's why when you move on out of school, and you gain a bit of confidence and self-assurance as an adult, you can start from scratch, whether you're the bully or the bullied.
11/07/08
Former Tscheese Bullies: You might have made fun of me for wearing black and being different and wearing glasses and having funny hair, but right now I am wearing black and being different and wearing glasses and having funny hair IN GODDAMN MANHATTAN, and you are shoveling poop for a minimum wage salary at your parents' little home business. After they put you through two years of college and you ran home crying because you were sooooo scared of the next state over without Mommy and Daddy around to buy you cars and tell you how beautiful you are. HOW'S IT FEEL, BITCHES?
Sorry, I'm not like, vindictive.
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It helped.
Then she friended me on FB. I have no idea why and haven't gotten around to asking. Might never. But she can look at my profile and suck. it.
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Not one of them went to college. Not one of them left the shithole town I grew up with them. All of them are barflies at the sad little waterfront bars in town.
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It was wonderful.
11/07/08
I'll have my schadenfreude as soon as the ink is set in my Ivy graduate degree. Bitches.
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