Writes Judith Warner, after remembering a painful few years of early-teen cruelty,

In fiction. It's what I hope my next book project will be, you see: a tween time-travel novel set in 1977, when there really was a roller rink on Waverly Place, and I was in 7th grade...The book is ostensibly all about a daughter's learning that she can't meddle in her mother's (past) life; she has to let her have bad experiences and grow up to be who she is destined to be. But it's not coincidental that, in the course of learning these lessons, my fictional daughter lives in a world completely controlled, defined and circumscribed by me.

What's as interesting as Warner's interesting piece is the reaction from readers: the comments section is filled with stories of well-remembered pain and a sense of its injustice that never goes away, even if it fades. (That headline quote comes from one of these readers.) There's something about that age, on the cusp of childhood, that's particularly vulnerable. (There's a reason they made a movie, 13, abut this very period.) Yesterday, talking about Tavi the pre-teen blogger, we editors reminisced about our own 13-year-old accomplishments and the wondrous potential of that age. In fact, it's a time I try to avoid thinking about, since it's when the cozy cocoon of childhood broke and I found myself the target of casual mockery on a daily basis. It's funny: I had not acknowledged that for years; I'd blocked 7th grade completely from my consciousness. But it's when I went from self-assured and oblivious to aware that I was unattractive and tiny and ridiculous with my piping voice and big vocabulary. I remember primarily a sense of bewildered inadequacy, a wish to go unnoticed in the halls or the lunchroom and avoid a jibe or a throwaway remark that my antagonists surely forgot as soon as I was out of sight. Most people didn't bother to be cruel, but there were enough. I'm reminded, if forced to think about that time, of the humiliating day when it all became too much and I broke down sobbing in class and was sent home, a victim. And I cease to feel like a normal-looking adult with a career and a basically-average height, and become a nonentity. This isn't even a particularly traumatic case - it's more average than not. Certainly not a horror story, and no cousin to the very real tragedies that we see week after week. But even now, thinking of those days of timing my trips through the halls so as to avoid other kids, or slipping into a seat just as class started so no one would have a chance to make fun of me, causes the base of my skull to tighten with a well-remembered tension.

Warner wishes both to spare her daughter that pain and reconnect with her younger self, and she's clearly not alone: when one looks at the adult women questioning the work of a 13-year-old girl, it's hard not to wonder if they, too, have scars dating back to that age. And wondering, per that commenter's remark, where they and so many other successful women fell on the bullying/victim spectrum.

40 Is Not The New 12 [NY Times]

Earlier: Elle Editor Leads Backlash Against 13-Year-Old Fashion Blogger

The other twin continued to grow, living inside Kang's stomach and crushing her internal organs. Doctors say this condition is very rare, but Kang is recovering well from her surgery, and is going to be just fine. • Self magazine has ranked the top 10 healthiest cities for women, based on disease rates and other factors. Topping the list is Burlington, Vt., which boasts a large number of co-ops and organic food options, as well as low rates of diabetes, cholesterol and hypertension. •  According to a doctoral thesis out of Spain, students aged 11-16 have generally resigned themselves to bullying. They believe that it is "something natural" and has always happened. They also found that girls viewed bullies differently than boys. Girls tended to empathize with the victims and associate negative feelings with the bully, while boys focused more on the shame of being a victim. •  Researchers have discovered a rather odd link between morning sickness during pregnancy and cognitive ability. Apparently, children whose mothers suffered from nausea and puking tend to score slightly better on cognitive tests. Doctors believe hormone levels may be to blame. • Devout Muslim Rabia Sarwar allegedly tried to slit her new husband Sheikh Naseem's throat, saying he's emotionally abusive and made her drink alcohol, eat pork, and wear revealing clothes. He's unharmed, and she's been charged with attempted murder. • The American people apparently have as low an opinion of Sarah Palin's qualifications as they did of Dan Quayle's. • Also, Iowans can relax: Palin isn't giving a speech in your state... yet. • The US currently bans people with HIV from entering the country, meaning there hasn't been a major AIDS conference here since 1993. However, Obama says he will reverse the ban next year. • Rev. Bernice King, Martin Luther King Jr.'s daughter, will become the first female head of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, which her father helped found. • An Iraqi man accused of running his daughter over with a car because she had become "too Westernized" has been found in Atlanta after a search. • A study found that Swedish mothers who ate more vegetables during pregnancy were less likely to have children with type 1 diabetes. No word on what happens to babies whose moms eat a lot of Swedish fish. • Hillary Clinton's meeting with Pakistani women today went poorly, perhaps because she modeled it on "The View" — or perhaps because she joked about "not talking about security issues," while the Pakistani women want to talk about... security issues. • Pat Robertson responded to Obama's signing of the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Act, which would allow hate crime prosecution for crimes based on sexual orientation, by saying, "The noose has tightened around the necks of Christians." Because not letting Christians persecute gay people is apparently the same as lynching them. • On facing Jaycee Dugard's kidnapper Phillip Garrido in court, the woman he raped 32 years ago says, "It's always been just under the surface of my life, and I thought this was in its box and put away. But this Pandora 's box is open for me, and now I'm dealing with it again on a different level, like I've been victimized myself." • Two waitresses are suing Hooters after they were forced to buy the hideous orange uniforms out of pocket. It is illegal to demand employees buy uniforms if they are required to wear something other than "everyday street clothes." "I don't think that could confuse the Hooters uniform clothes as part of someone's ordinary wardrobe," said their lawyer. •  A recent study from Harvard University has found that men, regardless of their sexual orientation, are most attracted to faces that look most synonymous with their gender. In other words, gay men like very masculine looking men, while straight men are attracted to the most feminine-looking women. • 

The University of Chicago's Dr. Benjamin Lahey, a co-author of the study, says, "They're not only indifferent to the pain, they love it — maybe. They're responding to others being hurt, but in a way that's self-reinforcing." These atypically aggressive boys have what psychiatrists call "conduct disorder," and this study may have proven that this disorder is neurological since their brains react differently to watching those in pain, however further research needs to be done to verify this hypothesis.

People with conduct disorder often end up having very difficult lives, according to ABC, suffering from "poor relationships, incarceration, depression and suicide," though scientists think that with early detection, therapy can help.

In tangentially related news, Washington Post advice columnist Marguerite Kelly tackles a question from a mom whose 12-year-old has started hanging out with gossipy middle school mean girls. The mother asks, "How can I keep my daughter safe and her values intact and still have a positive relationship with her?" And Kelly replies, "You can't, of course, pick your daughter's friends, but you can make it harder for her to hang out with the ones you don't like by keeping her much busier and by setting tighter limits, too, so that these girls won't want to hang out with her." Um, because that's really going to work. This kid is so going to be tucking her dolly under the covers and sneaking out in the middle of the night in 5, 4, 3, 2…

Pain May Be Pleasurable For Some Bullies [ABC News]
Bullies May Get Kick Out Of Seeing Others In Pain [Reuters]
Mean Deviation: Nice Girl Takes A Nasty Turn [Washington Post]

Researchers at SUNY New Paltz have developed a survey to help identify the full range of behaviors that can constitute bullying. Notes Parker-Pope: "Some of the behaviors — glaring, failing to return calls, not praising a worker — may seem trivial, but they take a toll when repeated over and over again." And in some ways, can a cubicle bully be worse than a childhood bully? You're an adult! You shouldn't have to put up with this! But you need the job. I wouldn't say I'd ever been bullied, although I did once work with a loud, gruff superior who often left people in tears. But that was before I checked the list supplied by the New York Times and SUNY New Paltz. Thinking of past jobs, I realized some of the "behaviors" were quite familiar! Have you regularly:

• Been glared at in a hostile manner? Yes, and sometimes I glared first.
• Been excluded from work-related social gatherings? Yes, thank God.
• Not been given the praise for which you felt entitled? Obviously.
• Had your contributions ignored by others? Yes, although sometimes instead of "ignoring" it was more like "laughing."
• Been lied to? Of course! This is America!

The Bully Next Door [BusinessWeek]
When the Bully Sits in the Next Cubicle, Have You Been Bullied at Work? [NY Times]

Earlier: What Separates The Bullies From The Bullied?