Ruth La Ferla references True Blood and Let The Right One In and writes:

What began with the Twilight Saga, the luridly romantic young-adult series by Stephenie Meyer, followed by Twilight, the movie, has become a pandemic of unholy proportions.

For Spike's sake: Vampire lust did not "begin" with Twilight. While La Ferla acknowledges the 1983 film The Hunger, the Sookie Stackhouse books penned by Charlaine Harris, and upcoming "supernatural action film" Blood: The Last Vampire (which looks awesome) — her underlying question is: Why? Why the pop culture obsession with vampires? La Ferla gets this:

The vampire's attraction is "all about the titillation of imagining the monsters we could be if we just let ourselves go," suggested Rick Owens, a fashion bellwether whose goth-tinged collections sometimes evoke the undead. "We're all fascinated with corruption, the more glamorous the better" and, he added, with the idea of "devouring, consuming, possessing someone we desire."

But in a new interview with True Blood series creator Alan Ball, he says: "Vampires are sex. Vampires basically arose in our time as a metaphor for sex. I mean, vampires are sort of the ultimate Romantic rock star, bad boy or girl fantasy." And: "I can't really talk that much about Twilight because I haven't read any of the books and I didn't see the movie. I personally don't really understand why you would have vampires in a something that is basically about abstinence."

Okay, sure, vampires are about unleashing your inner monster, sex and desire. But most famous vampire stories involve bloodsucking males preying on females. In this chart illustrating the "basics" of being a vampire, there's Bill from True Blood; Edward from Twilight and Angel from Buffy. Bloodsucking is a boy's world. Maybe that's why that the epic clip of Buffy prevailing over Edward Cullen is such refreshing turn of events. Jonathan McIntosh, who created the clip, says:

More than just a showdown between The Slayer and the Sparkly Vampire, it's also a humorous visualization of the metaphorical battle between two opposing visions of gender roles in the 21ist century […] In the end the only reasonable response was to have Buffy stake Edward – not because she didn't find him sexy, not because he was too sensitive or too eager to share his feelings – but simply because he was possessive, manipulative, and stalkery.

Although there are many vampire books written by women, and a few fierce female vamps — Buffy's Drusilla, Underworld's Selene, Let The Right One In's Eli, Queen Of The Damned's Akasha. But none of these women have achieved the fame and notoriety male vampires enjoy. A woman's role in vampire mythology is to get bitten, become enthralled, or both; the undead dudes are the ones with all the power.

A Trend With Teeth [NY Times]
In Vampire World, The Rules Keep Changing [USA Today]
From Dusk Til Dawn: Talking With Alan Ball About "True Blood" Season Two [Televisionary]
What Would Buffy Do? Notes On Dusting Edward Cullen [Women In Media & News]

Earlier: Buffy Shuts Down Edward Cullen In The Best Clip Ever

• Grace Rwaramba, the former nanny who took care of Michael Jackson's children, says she often pumped the King of Pop's stomach:

"I had to pump his stomach many times. He always mixed so much [drugs]. There was one period that it was so bad that I didn't let the children see him. He always ate too little and mixed too much." Mallika Chopra, daughter of Michael Jackson's friend Deepak Chopra, has this to say: "Grace never pumped Michael's stomach. She has no idea how she would even do such a thing." [People]

• According to the autopsy reports, Michael Jackson weighed only 112 lbs. when he died, was almost totally bald, had needle marks on his body and had nothing but pills in his stomach. UPDATE: It's all lies. [Mirror, NY Daily News, NY Post]
• Just as you suspected: Debbie Rowe says she was artificially inseminated by an anonymous donor and Michael Jackson is not the biological father of his kids. She says: "I offered him my womb — it was a gift. It was something I did to keep him happy." UPDATE: The story at this link seems to have been taken down. Hmm. [News Of The World]
• Jackie, Jermaine and Tito Jackson visited Neverland Ranch over the weekend, walking the grounds and reminiscing. [Breitbart]
• Will there be a burial at Neverland? [NY Post]
• Michael Jackson's father, Joe Jackson, says that he doubts the upcoming concerts in London were a stress factor for Michael. [AP]
• Thomas Mesereau Jr., the lawyer who defended Michael Jackson in his child molestation trial, says that the star never fully recovered from being accused. Mesereau says he was the victim of mother-and-son con artists and "didn't really trust adults… He looked to children as the people who wouldn't hurt him." [USA Today]
• Michael Jackson's mother has chosen Michael's longtime attorney L. Londell McMillan as the lawyer to represent the family. [AP]
• Will there be a legal battle over Michael Jackson's kids and estate? [LA Times]
• The Jackson family is suspicious of Dr. Conrad Murray and the fact that he was trying to do CPR on a bed instead of the floor the day Michael Jackson died. [TMZ]
• A lawyer for Dr. Conrad Murray says his client never gave or prescribed Jackson the painkillers Demerol or OxyContin. [AP]
• The doctor also claims that when he found Michael Jackson, he wasn't breathing but had a faint pulse. [AP]
• In this video, Spike Lee, Lenny Kravitz, Clive Davis and others talk about Michael Jackson's music. [Time]
• In case you didn't see it over the weekend, here's the "special commemorative edition" of Time with Michael Jackson. [Time]
• A "secret library" of 100 Michael Jackson songs could be released soon. [Times Of London]
• "Bloodsuckers Positioning Themselves To Exploit Michael Jackson's Tragic Death." [NY Daily News]
• "What Michael Jackson Did On His Last Day." (Rehearse.) [Time]
• Michael Jackson's final, "electric" rehearsal may be released as an album. [NY Daily News]
• Janet Jackson made an emotional appearance at the BET awards last night. [AP, NY Daily News]
• Did LaToya Jackson go rummaging through Michael Jackson's house before he died, searching for hidden cash? [NY Post]
• At this link, you'll see some pictures of Michael Jackson and his kids you may not have seen before. He's been working on a song with them, according to a source. [People]
• A Michael Jackson tribute concert could happen in a few weeks. [MSNBC Scoop]
• At a Paul Smith runway show, the designer and his models came down the runway dancing to "Thriller." [WWD]
• No shit: "The death of American pop singer Michael Jackson is one of the top stories of the 21st century for mainstream and Internet media, language analysts said." [UPI]
• Um, this report claims that Michael Jackson's friend Bubbles the chimpanzee is "grieving" and could be coming out with a book: "Bubbles has led an interesting life. There's lots to say." [The Sun]
• The FAA is claiming that TV pitchman Billy Mays wasn't wearing a seat belt when he hit his head on a US Air flight yesterday before dying. [TMZ]
• Billy Mays had just signed a deal and was about to film commercials for Taco Bell. [TMZ
• Britney Spears is not dead, though a message saying so appeared on her Twitter account — it was hacked, as was Ellen DeGeneres'. People are sick. [Telegraph, AP]
• Breaking: Jennifer Aniston is "relaxed and friendly" on the set of Bounty Hunter, which she is filming with Gerard Butler. [Page Six]
• Leonardo DiCaprio removed his Nike Dunks to enter a shrine in Kyoto last week, and some tourists stole his sneakers. [Page Six]
• The maternal grandmother of Mercy James, the little girl adopted by Madonna, says the child was supposed to be an an orphanage for six years and then be with the family… She claims Mercy was never supposed to adopted. [Telegraph]
• Bromance! Justin Timberlake and Prince Harry are new besties. [Gatecrasher]
• Kanye West and Amber Rose: So on! [Gatecrasher]
• Jonathan Murray, executive producer of The Real World, says TLC should keep the cameras rolling on Jon & Kate. "They have the opportunity to explore a situation facing a lot of American families when the parents get divorced. And it sounds like Jon and Kate have come up with a unique situation where they're going to take turns being in the house with the kids… You can explore what happens when a couple breaks up and how both are working hard to keep things as normal as possible for the kids." [USA Today]
• Kendra Wilkinson married NFL player Hank Baskett on Saturday night in a "lavish" ceremony at the Playboy Mansion. Congrats! [NY Daily News]
• Brüno was on a talk show with the Prime Minister of Australia over the weekend and hijinks ensued. [News.com.au]
• Lady GaGa was a no-show at a Take That concert in Manchester, UK. [Mirror]
• Lady GaGa will miss another Take That gig as she is "unwell" and resting "on doctor's orders." [BBC News]
• Lady GaGa's tour rider at Glastonbury was "bonkers," according to this paper: She asked for soft drinks, six kinds of vitamin water, non-smelly cheese, a roast chicken, deli meats, tuna, sofas, coffee tables and mirrors in her dressing room. Is that so odd? [The Sun]
• Russell Crowe left a £600 tip on a £240 pub bill in West Wales. [Mirror]
• NYC Transit Workers talk about stars who have gone to "track school" in order to shoot scenes in the subway: Nicolas Cage ("He was a nice man"), John Travolta, Angelina Jolie ("She was really down-to-earth"). [The New Yorker]
• Bones star Emily Deschanel is supporting The Great Ape Protection Act — which will phase out some experiments on chimpanzees — and asking politicians to do the same. [UPI]
• Vanessa Minnillo was seen grinding on the dancefloor and leaving a party with Topher Grace. [RadarOnline]
• Ricky Gervais has come out against bullfighting: "What is the pleasure in seeing an animal speared to death? Bullfighting needs to stop - it's so cruel." [Times Of London]
• Prepare yourself: A No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency cookbook, with recipes from Precious! [Telegraph]
• Amber Benson, aka Tara from Buffy, is a writer! Her new book, Death's Daughter, is about a fashionista who must travel through Hell itself to become the new Death and save her family. [NY Daily News]
• A famous photograph by Richard Avedon, depicting Nastassja Kinski and a snake, will be auctioned on Wednesday. It could be yours, if you've got £30,000! [Telegraph]
• Lookin' To Get Out — a Las Vegas comedy with a 5-year-old Angelina Jolie making her movie debut alongside Ann-Margaret — will be released on DVD tomorrow. [NY Post]
• Having trouble keeping Whitney Port's fake relationships straight? This might help. [Page Six]
• Elaine Stritch denies that she owes a writer money for helping her with a show; the writer is suing her. [UPI]
• "A blogger who wrote an internet article imagining the kidnap, rape and murder of the pop group Girls Aloud has been cleared of obscenity charges." [Telegraph]
• Blind item! "Which A-list actor has such a steamship-sized head that he needs to special-order his motorcycle helmets?" [Gatecrasher]
• "It's such a ludicrous concept, it is, that such different species as male and female can even cohabitate; it's wrong, just bloody well wrong. And yet it's what we're all raised to gravitate toward. It's a physical impossibility." — Gabrielle Anwar. [LA Times]
• "She's loving doing this music. It's a trip to watch. I have nothing to do with it, which is brilliant. She is just doing her thing, and it's really good. And everyone's chasing them to sign them. She's got great instincts. She's much smarter than I am." — Lenny Kravitz on daughter Zoe, who has a rock band called Elevator Fight. [People]

In this brilliantly edited clip by Rebellious Pixels, Edward shows up at Sunnydale High and tries to put the moves on Buffy Summers, who sees right through his sparkly bs, shutting him down at every opportunity. Everything that is portrayed in Twilight as super romantic about Edward is exposed as creepy and stalkerish here, which is fantastic, as Edward Cullen's creepiness too often gets a pass from those who brush aside his controlling, stalkerish ways as the signs of "true love." Edward is not the dreamboat here—he's the enemy. The best part? Edward lays down his famous line, "You're like my own personal brand of heroin," and Buffy responds, "Oh my god, what are you, 12?" It's amazing—see for yourself:

See, the next Pixar project — after TS3 and Newt — is The Bear And The Bow — the company's first flick about a girl. Guess what? She's a princess. (While The Cowgirl character in Toy Story was a hit, she's definitely not the "star" of the franchise.)

Holmes continues:

I have nothing against princesses. I have nothing against movies with princesses. But don't the Disney princesses pretty much have us covered? If we had to wait for your thirteenth movie for you to make one with a girl at the center, couldn't you have chosen something — something — for her to be that could compete with plucky robots and adventurous space toys?

Agreed. As a child I loved fairy tales, but also loved stories about girls who went somewhere: Dorothy to Oz; Alice to Wonderland; Eloise to Paris and Moscow. I wanted to be lots of things — photographer; archaeologist, filmmaker; gymnast; microbiologist — never princess. Isn't it funny how Coraline could do well at the box office without a castle, pink gown or tiara? (And now Coraline: The Musical is being staged.)

We already know that Disney is pretty committed to the Princess franchise. A blogger at Packaging Girlhood writes of The Princess And The Frog:

Another Disney princess movie. Yawn. Hard to get too excited because we know when it comes to gender, Disney has the imagination of a toadstool… We already know Disney is hopeless, but maybe Pixar can give us what we want. While we wait - and it could be a very, very long wait — we'll take a reader's advice on the NPR site and go back to the best in good old 2-D animation: Studio Ghibli's haunting, imaginative, original films like Howl's Moving Castle, My Neighbor Totoro, and Spirited Away. All female driven with nary a princess in sight."

Dreamworks, the studio known for making jabs at Disney in flicks like Shrek, usually relies on male leads (Bee Movie, Kung Fu Panda) but throws female characters into the mix in ensemble casts (Madagascar, Monsters Vs. Aliens.)

Why is it that most animated films fail to present strong female characters? In December, the BBC presented a list of "subversive animated female heroines" which included Betty Boop (?!). Wonder Woman has been done, and she can't be expected to carry female-driven animated flicks all by herself.

Maybe the animators looking for good stories should turn to sci-fi? This list of heroines from science fiction includes great characters like Ripley from Alien; Buffy from Buffy The Vampire Slayer (is that sci-fi?); Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica; Dana Scully from The X-Files; Sarah Connor from Terminator and, okay, one princess — Leia, from Star Wars. All make decent Halloween costumes, and none of them are waiting for their prince to come.

Dear Pixar, From All The Girls With Band-Aids On Their Knees [NPR]
Rate-a-Trailer: Toy Story 3 Enters Rebuilding Phase [E!]
Disney's First Black Princess [Packing Girlhood]
'Sexy' Sigourney Weaver Is First Lady Of Sci-Fi [Independent]
Better the Mother You Know Than the Other One [NY Times]
Musical "Coraline" Even Stranger Than The Book [Hollywood Reporter]
Earlier: Women And Cartoons: Beyond Breast Size

• Lindsay Lohan's "post-breakup makeover" involved getting her hair dyed red and getting a tattoo. [People]
• This column calls Lindsay a "celebutard" who is "painfully thin" and "in the middle of an emotional meltdown." [NY Post]

• Madonna is planning to build a home in Malawi. Hmm, maybe if she becomes a resident, she can adopt? [The Sun]
• Buffy is gonna be a mommy! Sarah Michelle Gellar and hubs Freddie Prinze Jr. are expecting their first child in the fall. [People]
• Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag will get married (again?) on April 25 in Pasadena, CA. A "source" says: "This will be the real wedding. It's being filmed as the season finale for The Hills." So that thing in Mexico was a stunt for Us Weekly? [E!]
• Farrah Fawcett has been released from the hospital "in great spirits." [People]
• This story claims: "Sales of dog food have rocketed in Europe after Hollywood stars Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson ate some on a German TV show. Budget-conscious Swiss families are tucking into tins of the stuff rather than buying more expensive dishes." [The Sun]
• Drew Barrymore on playing Edie in Grey Gardens: "People who say this is exploitative are bullshit. Anyone who is a naysayer should pull a stick out of their you know what. You know? Get a heart and get into the art and the life and celebrate with us all; don't be on the other side-it's really not fun over there." [The Daily Beast]
• During the Oscars, Amy Adams was thinking about the mall where she worked after high school: "I just was so reflective the whole evening on how I came to be sitting in that room. At one point my fiancé was like, 'You feel distant.' And I said, 'I am! I can't even talk to you!' I was there at the Oscars thinking, What if I never left the Gap?" [W Magazine]
• Here's the first graph of a Miley Cyrus profile: "Miley Cyrus prepared for April 3, an average workday, by reading the Bible—a few chapters of Job—and ended it by telling a ribald joke as she walked off camera at Access Hollywood. In between she had a casting session for her next movie, The Last Song, written specially for her by weepie king Nicholas Sparks; was interviewed four times; performed twice; changed outfits twice; and visited the Tonight Show's make-your-own-sundae bar once. When she left the NBC lot at 6:30 p.m., she still had to do her homework." [Time]
• Kevin Federline was seen chain-smoking for 20 minutes outside of a TGIFriday's while his girlfriend Victoria Prince sat inside by herself, fuming. Ah, l'amour. [E!]
• Clive Owen's daughter introduced him to her "half-boyfriend." "She tells me, 'Dad... I share him with a friend.' I still feel awful thinking about it." [Daily Express]
• Five seconds after Snoop Dogg learned how to stream live video from his home computer to his Twitter page, his first order of business was to light up a blunt and smoke it. Clearly. [TMZ]
• Why is someone spreading the rumor that Snoop Dogg has the dead body of his wife in his basement? [TMZ]
• Here is an in-depth review of Tori Spelling's new book, Mommywood, should you feel inclined. The title seems ill-conceived, no? Or like slang for the boner a MILF gives a dude? [CC2K]
• Michael Jackson is going to rent a little place while he's in the UK for his O2 concerts: It's a 28-bedroom manor on eight acres with an underground movie theater, indoor swimming pool and private lake. [Daily Mail]
• The daughter of Jennifer Saunders, from Absolutely Fabulous, says "I've never been Saffy." Well, duh. Instead she is a folk singer. [Daily Mail]
• Uh-oh: Sinbad and Dionne Warwick are on the list of California tax evaders. [Yahoo News via AP]
• Blind item! "Which sensual singer tells his girlfriends that although he's straight, he still receives oral pleasure from other men - then fumes when they suggest he's bisexual?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Due to the unfounded and ugly rumors that have appeared in the papers over the last few days, I felt they shouldn't pass without comment. Patti and I have been together for 18 years – the best 18 years of my life. We have built a beautiful family we love and want to protect and our commitment to one another remains as strong as the day we were married." —Bruce Springsteen, on the state of his marriage. Although it doesn't exactly read like a denial of an affair. [People]
• "Is Bethenny a socialite? No. Will she ever sit next to Lauren duPont? No. Is she best friends with Aerin Lauder? No. Am I? No. Do I care? No. Does she? Oh, absolutely. She's not authentic. All she does is sit there and cry all the time. I'm like, 'You're crying about guys? …shut up.'" — Kelly Killoren Bensimon, of the Real Housewives of New York City [Harper's Bazaar via Page Six
• "It sucked when I was goin' into the jail, and once I got in jail it became enjoyable again because there were some real fun cellmates. We were singin' songs." — Matthew McConaughey on being busted for possession of mary jane back in 1999. [Men's Journal via MSNBC Scoop]
• "At one point, I really started freaking out. I couldn't sleep, and [the director] was chasing me around with food, telling me that the prosthetics weren't fitting me and I was swimming in my fat suit, which was really ironic. I was miserable in my room just typing these manifestos [in my journal] but one day, I'll have them to look back on and see that I stuck with it and I'll be glad to know I had that level of discipline." — Drew Barrymore, on being immersed in her Grey Gardens character. [WSJ]
• "Marriage and babies? Please. I want to be illegal. I want to live outside the mainstream. These awful middle-class queens-which is what the gay movement has become-are so tiresome. It's all Abercrombie & Fitch and strollers. Everybody has the right to do what they want to do, but still... And I think this surrogacy thing is crap. It is utterly hideous. I think it's egocentric and vain. These endless IVF treatments people go through. I mean, if you are meant to have babies, then great. But this whole idea of two gay guys filling a cocktail shaker with their sperm and impregnating some grim lesbian and then it gets cut out is just really weird. If I did have the impulse to be a parent, I would adopt-or foster. But this whole thing of forcing the idea of parenthood and marriage on us gay men is so bogus." — Rupert Everett. [The Daily Beast]
• "Suddenly, you're the elder in the group. I have been doing this a long time, 25 years now. It's nice to feel that you're still relevant. People like Carol Burnett, Gilda Radner and Lily Tomlin were my role models. America always had really good, strong women in comedy. I love that." — Tracey Ullman, whose second season of State of the Union premieres Sunday on Showtime. [USA Today]
• "Until the banks get fixed, there is no other issue. I think this public-private partnership of [Treasury secretary Timothy] Geithner's will be effective. Evidently, the time for debating nationalization or backing the banks — which I thought would have been smart, just to say we're backing the banks, but I guess that would have made folks uncomfortable — has passed. So the private sector is in a pretty good spot here. Truth is, it's mostly, and maybe this is just a cover, us buying back our own bad paper from ourselves, but incenting [is that a word? -Ed.]the private sector to invest by giving them an incredibly good deal, if you believe, like Geithner seems to, that prices are only artificially depressed and really have much more value than what you can get for them now. But despite what you've read about me in the tabloids, I'm not an economist. But I do worry about what value all of these bad assets people keep talking about will have in the long term." — Ben Affleck, who plays a politician in State Of Play and did research by meeting with representatives like Anthony Weiner, Adam Smith, Rahm Emanuel, and Patrick Murphy. [WSJ]

Ratings are out of a possible five bulbs of garlic.

Bill Compton, True Blood. While he's rather morose and generally humorless, at least he has fangs and doesn't glitter in the sunlight.
Rating: Three garlic bulbs

Claudia, Interview With The Vampire.
Forget Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt: The creepiest bloodsucker in the adaptation of the Anne Rice book was Kirsten Dunst's child monster, all curly hair and demon thoughts. Remember when she brought home the twins for Lestat, and they were poisoned? Evil!
Rating: Three garlic bulbs

Eli, Let The Right One In. You want awkward tweenage love story? You want blood? This Swedish art film delivers, beautifully. Eli is the mysterious girl-next-door; Oskar's a bullied kid who could use someone in his corner. This large-eyed little vamp is simultaneously sweet and unsettlingly menacing. (Check out the trailer here.)
Rating: Four garlic bulbs

David, The Lost Boys. Keifer Sutherland makes it look so cool. He's got chicks, a posse, and a cave hangout. He may or may not make you eat worms and drink blood — but that's the price you pay for hanging with the right crowd! Look, that's Bill, from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure on the far right! See how connected these vamps are?
Rating: Five garlic bulbs

Blade. So maybe he's half vampire. But Wesley Snipes was a badass VOC (that's vampire of color) with a Buddhist outlook, sharp weapons and the advantage of being a daywalker.
Rating: Three garlic bulbs

Selene, Underworld. Since she and her vamp vicious circle were so busy hunting werewolves, they weren't much of a threat to humans, and therefore not very scary. Kick ass and gorgeous, but not scary.
Rating: Two garlic bulbs

Spike, Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Many BTVS fans worshipped Angel, Buffy's brooding first love, but Spike, the devilish, quippy, smart-ass, black nail polish-wearing vamp who once said, "I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it," was actually the better character. Part Billy Idol, part Bowie, part rabid dog, Spike's cuckoo mate, Drusilla, once asked him, "Do you love my insides? The parts you can’t see?" Answered Spike: "Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet!" This is how a vampire thinks: He loves you so much he may dine on you. We never quiet get that from Edward Cullen.
Rating: Four garlic bulbs

Special mentions: Laddie from The Lost Boys, The Count, Dracula, and, of course, Blacula.
Update/Addendum:

Box Office Report: 'Twilight' Sinks Its Teeth Into A Blockbuster Debut [EW]
Why Do We Love Vampires? [iVillage]
Earlier: Twilight At Midnight: Smells Like Teen Spirit
I Was A Teenage Trend-Hater: Despising Twilight Is Big For Fall
Twilight: "Questionable Casting, Wooden Acting, Laughable Dialogue And Truly Awful Makeup"
Breaking Dawn: What To Expect When You're Expecting... A Vampire

• Buffy The Vampire Slayer creator Joss Whedon asks, "What is wrong with women?" And asks in a good way, that is. [Salon]
  
• Glaxo SmithKline says its new weight-loss drug Xenical causes anal leakage. [CNN]
  
• If anal leakage isn't your cup of tea, you may want to try dieting through "terror". [ComedyCentral]
  
• More on bodily secretions: Overworked moms can now remove snot from their children's noses with a special straw. Drink up! [BoingBoing]
  
• Ways to tame toddlers. That do not involve Valium. [CNN]
  
• Males of the species: Now, sadly, even more irrelevant. [CNN]