Jezebel: broad generalizations

How To Be An It Girl: October Nylon Explains It All For You

Sadie — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 15:00:00 EDT

October plays host to Nylon's second annual "It Girl" Issue and the IG's in question are about what you'd expect: lots of rich children and models and well-dressed scenesters. "It Girl" is itself such an amorphous concept, we wondered, what does it even mean? Well, from examining the It Girls profiled within (Zooey Deschanel is the cover It Girl), here is what it takes:

Be A Moddle: We use the term loosely, as almost every single one of the profiled Itties is, if not a professional model (Portia Freeman, Daisy Lowe, Coco Rocha) at least former (Alexa Chung)/aspiring(Isabelle McNally)/celeb-model hybrids (Teyana Taylor).

Be Celeb Spawn: Again, defining "celebrity" loosely (the daughter of Elvis Costello's drummer, for instance), let's just say it apparently doesn't hurt to be connected. Both Geldof sisters are in here: nuff said.

Date A Rocker: One of them is with an Arctic Monkey, Daisy Lowe is currently paired off with the way-senior Mark Ronson (although they broke up!), and Portia Freeman is rumored to be more than friends with Pete Doherty. Junkie=fab!!!

Be A DJ:Next to moddle, "DJ" is the most popular non-career for an It Girl! See: Tennessee Thomas, Harley Viera-Newton. Sort-of acting (We're counting Cody Kennedy's turn on Gene Simmons Family Jewels) is also an acceptable mode of employment.

If At All Possible, Be Under 20: It is highly desirable for an It-Girl to be obscenely young - like five of the fabs profiled here.

Be Really, Really Rich:This is so you can talk idly about starting club nights, drop out of school, flit idly from career to career, and, you know, have time to be seen! In fact, great riches are an essential part of It Girl-ness, as they are essential to "not caring what people think" and "awesome style," the two criteria editor Marvin Scott Jarrett identifies in his intro.

The one notable exception to these rules is designer Abigail Lorick, whose line is actually really, really good and who seems to really, you know, work on it. Quoth she, "I would hope that an It Girl would be a girl that is hardworking and inspires other young women to pursue whatever they want." So would we, Abigail. So would we.

Nylon [Official Site]

4 Things I Hate About Esquire's "10 Things You Don't Know About Women"

Anna N. — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 12:30:00 EDT

Women's magazines are full of tips about understanding the male gender via heavily edited anecdotes from a handful of highly mainstream twentysomethings. August's Cosmo, for instance, offers insight into "males' deepest sex secrets" — and then delivers a dude named Jim telling you not to kiss his chest. However, this kind of bullshitty inductive reasoning is not solely the province of the ladymag — Esquire does it too, in their "10 Things You Don't Know About Women" feature. We know Step Brothers Actress Andrea Savage is trying to be fun and funny in this month's list, but we're really not amused.

First things first:

"1. Wedding rings need to be sparkly to remind us not to have sex with other people."

I'm not married, but my boyfriend keeps me in line with eye jewelry. I can't see other men, and when they see me, they run away retching. Seriously, plenty of women manage not to cheat despite having neither a ring nor a marriage. Also, way to spread the notion that what keeps women happy and committed is diamonds, as opposed to, like, a healthy relationship.

2. Completely shaving your genitals does not make them look bigger. It just makes you look gayer.

Ew, gay!

4. Murdering someone because he snores should be admissible in a court of law.

What should be the penalty for regurgitating annoying relationship clichés, Andrea?

And finally:

8. We don’t understand your fascination with boobs, but we’re happy you have it.

Really? Many women I know find boobs — and the female body in general — beautiful and fascinating. Items two and eight speak to a sexual rigidity and that's all over women's magazines too. This don't-kiss-my-chest-don't-shave-your-genitals rhetoric isn't just prudish, it's also really damaging, because it perpetuates the idea that all men are the same, all women are the same, and men and women are totally different from each other. And that if you want to know what a woman thinks you should read a magazine instead of, you know, asking her.

10 Things You Don't Know About Women: Andrea Savage [Esquire]

British Lass Responds To Lady-Basher Tad Safran

dodai — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 18:00:00 EST

Remember Tad Safran? He wrote that British women are ill-kempt fatties who don't spend time or money on "obligatory beauty maintenance." Then he let everyone know that he did not regret what he'd written, though it earned him the title "Sexist Of The Year." Well, Carol Midgley, known as The Bargainhunter, has penned a response to Tad for the Times of London. Of the poorly dressed, badly groomed, "chunky" chicks Mr. Safran recoils from, she writes: "All I can think is that that's exactly the type of woman I'd like to be friends with: unmanicured nails, an aversion to gyms, crap skin caused by alcoholic late nights, non-Cowellesque teeth, a belief that only lap dancers should bother with intimate waxing." Oh, Ms. Midgley, you would love hanging out with us! She also points out that the kind of things Mr. Safran expects from women just don't make any sense:

Safran claims his US female friends spend £350 a month on "obligatory beauty maintenance." Really? How dull. Much more refreshing to read of this new survey by the British Skin Foundation which reveals that half of people in the UK don't remove their make-up before going to bed, mostly because they are too knackered, perhaps from looking after their kids or - imagine! - having a good time. Even better, it says that 46 per cent of us pay more than £7 for moisturiser, when a £3 non-branded product does the same job. So, instead of spending more on our beauty regime we should actually be spending less. Ha. High five.

In addition, she notes that though Mr. Safran may know American women who pluck, wax, manicure and exercise themselves into perfection, those women are by no means the norm. Prompts Midgely, has he ever "noticed those other few million American women who weigh 200ls and wear drawstring shorts and a scrunchie in their hair? For every SJP, there are 10,000 Roseanne lookalikes." Touché! Hey Carol, can we buy you a drink?

Long Live The British Slut [Times]

Daily Mail Columnist: American Women Are "Mindbogglingly Stupid"

Jessica — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 11:00:00 EST

Writer and Sexist of the Year Tad Safran, who has spent the past month insulting both British and American women (and in some cases, American women playing British women, like Renee Zellweger in Bridget Jones), is ostensibly the subject of a column in today's Daily Mail called The Man Who Called British Women 'Ugly' Goes On A Date - With Liz Jones. Who is Liz Jones? A writer (pictured here with Tad) who spends the first half of her article slagging American women. Why does she hold such a grudge against the Yankee birds? Because her ex-husband cheated on her with one, naturally!

Jones's cuckold, "Daphne" is an example of everything that's wrong with what she calls "mindbogglingly stupid" American women. (How charming that, instead of damning the man in question, Jones takes the tried and true tactic of blaming the woman.)

The dreaded Daphne, who lived in Brooklyn in what was probably a 3sqft bedsit, spent a lot of money on pedicures (I know this because I intercepted his texts to her, in praise of her toes), was incredibly self-obsessed (oh dear God, the e-mails about how she wanted to work for a non-profit organisation stretched to five pages), not funny at all, and obviously in possession of a very loose set of morals.

But that's not all! Jones calls American women — specifically women who work in fashion and media and live in New York and L.A. — "incredibly, earth-shatteringly, want-to-eat-your-own-arm-when-they-are-talking-to-you boring." She also accuses American women of being simultaneously overeducated and dim. "They all have several masters degrees, which makes me think the American version must be multiple choice, are fearsomely ambitious, despite having absolutely zero talent (have you read the super-sycophantic dribblings in New York Magazine? Ohmigod!), and obsessed with staying young and marrying rich." (Shortly afterwards, Liz discusses the Chanel polish she uses for her manicure, the Dolce & Gabbana cardigan she wears, the Alberta Ferretti dress she dons, and the Bottega Veneta shoes she puts on — all for her date with Safran.)

When she finally gets to her date with the Tadster, you feel like this Liz Jones character deserves the asshole. And how did the date go? Not well! Says Liz: "His three words to describe me were 'bitter, driven and forward-looking', which would have been the most damning words of the evening ('Well, you do talk about your ex-husband all the time'), had he not then gone on to say he only fancies blondes. Charming."

But even after all that, Liz "did quite like him," and wonders why Tad doesn't ask her about New Year's Eve plans. Why doesn't Tad want to see Liz again? I'll go with the Daily Mail commenters on this one: "She sounds like a miserable old bag with bad attitude."
The man who called British women 'ugly' goes on a date - with Liz Jones [Daily Mail]

Earlier: "Sexist Of The Year" Tad Safran Has No Shame Man Named "Tad" Insults Women On Both Sides Of Pond
Why Do Wives Blame The Other Woman For Their Husbands' Wandering Weiners?

"Sexist Of The Year" Tad Safran Has No Shame

dodai — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 10:30:00 EST

Last week, an American screenwriter named Tad Safran claimed that unlike American females, British women simply do not take care of themselves. "When British women get to the age where they have to make an effort, they appear unable, or uninterested, in rising to the challenge," he wrote for the Times of London. This week, Tad returns with another column, in which he states, quite accurately, "I'm never getting laid in Britain ever again." He explains that his article "exploded into a national furor" and the Guardian named him Sexist of the Year. But Tad has no regrets! He says that many of the comments his piece prompted were from women who pointed out that "they'd rather be frumpy with wonderful personalities than Barbie dolls with nothing between their ears." His take? "This argument is so patently absurd that I can hardly believe it."

It is not binary: you can have a personality and an arse that doesn't take up two seats on the bus. If you can retain your wonderful, cheerful, sweet, fun personality and be beautiful is that not better? Or, Anna L from Kent, is your sweet personality inextricably tied to your being a size 16... like Samson's strength is to his hair? I don't suggest that British women take the money from your education fund and put it towards plastic surgery. Nor do I suggest you take the hours per week dedicated to cultural and intellectual pursuits and use them for beauty treatments. Just take the time you dedicate to sitting on the sofa eating femur-sized Toblerones while watching EastEnders.

Tad suggests British women think that stepping up their beauty regimes would make them seem fixated on their looks. But, he counters, a "healthy interest" is not an "obsession." He also notes (in what seems a deliberate effort to offend) that women in the UK "don't have the curves of the Italians, the simmering sexuality of the Spanish, the sophistication of the French or the openness of the Scandinavians." What they do have, he points out, is the top spot on the European obesity chart. Here's a thought, Tad! Maybe women in the UK are driven to drink (and eat?) because men like you continue to connect their worth with their looks!

Oh Please, You Lard-Butt British Frumps Have Got Off Too Lightly [Times]
Earlier: Man Named "Tad" Insults Women On Both Sides Of Pond
Related: American Beauty? [Times]

Man Named "Tad" Insults Women On Both Sides Of Pond

dodai — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 13:30:00 EST

In today's Times of London, Tad Safran argues that American women are more well-groomed than British women. "When British women get to the age where they have to make an effort," he writes, "they appear unable, or uninterested, in rising to the challenge." Safran, who is American but has lived in England since he was 3, claims that, "UK girls, in my opinion, are the greatest natural beauties in the world... When they're 17 or 18 years old." Safran went away to the United States for college, and upon his return to the UK, he wondered: "What the hell happened to all the beautiful girls I knew? My first assumption was that one half of them had eaten the other half and washed them down with a crate of lager." While American women spend time and money on "obligatory beauty maintenance" — things like haircuts, highlights, manicures, pedicures, waxing, tanning, make-up, facials, teeth whitening etc.; Safran claims that British women do not.

He admits that beauty treatments are "vastly more expensive" in England, but puts the blame on proper English manners:

American women have no qualms about telling their friends, in no uncertain terms, when they look like crap, or have put on weight, or are dressed like a bag-lady. They talk of the top aestheticians with a reverence usually reserved for Nobel laureates and trade cosmetic surgeon business cards the way that boys in playgrounds trade football cards. In Britain, women are too polite to set their friends straight. For some reason, being seen to make an effort with one's appearance is regarded as shameful among British women.

Safran does think, however, that while American women are obsessed with their looks, their social skills are lacking. In the end, he says, "British women are, without a doubt, the best to have a pint and a laugh with" but cautions that a first impression could be "I'll bet she was really hot ten years ago."

So who is this misogynistic, sexist slug known as Tad Safran? "The author is a screenwriter (single) who divides his time between London and Los Angeles," the Times tells us. Single? You don't say! A quick search reveals that Safran was one of nine writers credited with the screenplay for a crappy animated film called Doogal, which IMDB user "stinkyuu" claims "was the all-time boringest movie I have ever seen in my short life." 'Nuff said.

American Beauty? [Times]

What Makes A Name "Sexy"?

Dodai — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 12:00:00 EDT

A post on a blog called Mio Destino (part of the Coutorture network) asks you to imagine a gorgeous woman at a bar, "sipping a cocktail, wearing a spectacular dress and looking sexy. Now when I tell you this imaginary woman is named 'Hilary' it doesn't sound quite right does it?" We're sure many Hilarys would disagree (and don't even get us started on Hillary Clinton), but the point is that some names sound "sexy," and some do not. The story was prompted by the news that a new UK TV channel is going to be called "Dave." Because "everyone knows a bloke called Dave." But when it comes to women, what's in a name? In the post, the person named Rex (?!) writes,

Some female names just sound attractive, sometimes because of famous women who have the name, but also due to the sound they make: Amelia, Penelope, Naomi - all roll off the tongue with a hint of the foreign, the exotic, and the downright sexy. This of course is still irrespective of how the women might really look.

The writer goes on to ask, "What's your ideal name for your perfect girl?" And while I'm weirded out that this is something guys actually devote brain energy towards, as a person with an unusual name, I often think about what names mean, what feelings they invoke, whether they sound pleasing, are fun to say, seem sassy, smart, cute or sexy. Even if you're open minded, don't the names Mildred and Ethel inspire a certain mental picture? It may not be fair, but it happens. While the blogger's choices, Amelia, Penelope and Naomi — are nice names, are they inherently sexy? What about slinky names like Lola, Maxine, Sophia, Serena, Zahara (not taking Ms. Jolie-Pitt into account)? And what if that mythic, stunning woman at the bar is named Hillary? Doesn't that suddenly become the sexiest name?

What's in a name? [MioDestino, via Coutorture]

Canadian Women Have A Secret: They're Pothead Heathens Who Believe In Honesty

Jennifer — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 14:30:00 EDT

Canadians: Such a wildly unexpected bunch! According to a just-released survey conducted by Canadian's women's magazine Chatelaine, 1 in 5 Canadian women has cheated on her partner, yet half of the women surveyed list "loyalty" as the quality they desire most in a mate. Which makes sense, we suppose, because really — isn't there only room in a relationship for one cheating partner? More interesting, though, were women's responses to, um, slightly less dissertation-worthy questions:

1 in 10 have used marijuana in the past year.
7 out of 10 have never stolen supplies from their office.
80% would rather be a CEO than the next Canadian Idol.

Wow. What to make of these riveting statistics? What broad, sweeping generalizations can we make about our sisters up north?

How about they're:

Stoners.
Goody-two shoes.
And clearly can't sing half as well as, like, Clay Aiken and Fantasia.

Case in point: Celine Dion!

One in five Canadian women has cheated [CTV.ca]
Related: Chatelaine Magazine

It's Official: Jessicas — From Alba To Z — Suck

Anna — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 17:59:53 EDT

Last week, we ignited a small (although less than we thought!) firestorm with a certain post about the pros and cons (mostly cons!) of women named Jessica. (Most people agreed! Yay!) We also asked you to weigh in about the whole "what does a name say about a person" business, and we're happy to say that, today, the eve of Independence Day, we have some answers about the business that is branding babies in America. The short summary: Everyone agrees that any male named Chris is to be avoided at all costs. Except for one woman named uh, Jessica, who says she's living with one. Women named "Maggie" and "Molly" suffer from the sad reality of sharing their names with beloved family dogs (often golden retrievers). Michelles: "Festering cunts". Ambers, Tammy/is, Brandys, Lisa are sluts in high school, baby factories afterwards. This is just a sample, kids. Want the long version? Check out some of the best comments after the jump.

In high school I was part of a group called the Getting Over Boys Named Matt Society. We had a website and everything. Though that has more to do with how common that name is—any woman born in the early eighties has some Matt story.

My one Jessica experience was in high school. Total popular, phony cheerleader. Nice to your face; raging bitch behind your back. I kind of enjoyed when she got dumped by her football playing boyfriend, the day after he swiped her card (at prom) and then proceeded to date her supposed BFF a week later. Bad boys names = Matt and David. Yet I couldn't stay away from guys with those names.

My cousin is a Jessica who disguised herself on her 12th birthday by asking everyone to call her by her middle name Elizabeth.Now she's just a pretty fucking cunt in a thin disguise.

Finally, a post I feel compelled to respond to because I've been screwed by multiple dudes named Jonathan...who sent me "holy crap!" (yes, not just crap, but HOLY crap) emails. Chris-es are players with sexual orientation ("Am I gay? Am I straight? Regardless, let's cease to date) issues.

Shit this is so true. One Chris I know is a total cheating man slut and the other one is really into white trash drugs and hurting girls. What the fuck is up with people who were naming their kids Chris in the early 80s. Though I kind of like Jessica's for being pretty and bitchy. What better way to deal with a Chris then to sick a Jessica on 'em.

Ur, doesn't Jessica sound eerily similar to Jezebel? I'm thinking of a two-faced Jessica, who goes by Jess or Jez.

I've only really known one Jessica in my life, and that was in preschool. I didn't want to go on the slide with her, so she BIT ME IN THE ARM.

As a blonde, hot, bitchy Jessica, I have to say: it's all true. And we know you're all jealous.

Earlier: Jessicas Are All Pretty Bitches Related: Yet Another Reason To Hate Jessica Alba [PerezHilton]

Jessicas Are All Pretty Bitches

Anna — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 16:43:07 EDT

"It wasn't like I was Jessica or something. All the pretty girls were named Jessica." So says Liv Tyler in the new issue of Allure magazine, where the Lord of The Rings elf-lady laments her given name (bestowed upon her by her rock-band groupie mother Bebe Buell after Bebe spotted Norwegian actress Liv Ullmann on the cover of, uh, TV Guide). And although Liv Tyler is now older, probably prettier and definitely richer than all the Jessicas who made her life such a living hell, the actress brought up an important point: What is it with Jessicas? An informal, 3-person poll around the Jezebel office concluded thus: Jessicas are not only pretty, they're also often kind of evil!

Anna, for one, has had uniformly bad experiences with most of the Jessicas she's come across (back-stabbing, unnecessarily competitive, conniving, and don't get her started on Seinfeld's wife) as has Moe ("They're mean, popular, showered with attention. I mean, my best friend is named Jessica but it's not like I"m going to go out looking for 'Jessicas' to befriend.") And don't get Jenny started either: ("I do not like Jessicas. They are the blonde mean girls, the ones who talk to you with an expression on their faces like they think you're a big fat loser. Jessicas are just not nice girls. Jessica at camp was a bitch. And I went to college with Jessica Biel. And I do have a beef with her!") Okay, then! Jessicas — even (or especially!) the famous ones! — suck! But when it comes to names that inspire hatred or admiration — logical or otherwise — can we blame nature or nurture? Do Jessicas suck because they were simply born that way or because they became that way through the normal parry and thrust that is childhood socialization? And is the same true for women with "nice" names like, say, Emily or Julie or Stephanie or Elizabeth or Sarah? We're gonna investigate this further — in the midst of dodging the verbal bullets sure to come our way from those who know and love a Jessica! — in later posts, but let us know in the comments. And don't be shy — give it up for the boys too. (Never trust a Chris, we like to say!).

Allure
Related: Jessica [BabyNamer]
The Baby Name Business [WSJ]