• According to an ex-girlfriend of Yankees star Alex Rodriguez: "He was so vain. He had not one, but two painted portraits of himself as a centaur. You know, the half man, half horse figure. It was ridiculous." [NYDN]

• Apparently, the centaur paintings don't bother Kate Hudson any: "All she does is talk about Alex," says a source, "She even plans her movie schedule around him. She's madly in love." [ShowbizSpy]
• An author has written a book all about Britney Spears that is based on psychotherapy sessions he took...on Britney's behalf. .[LATimes]
• "There are some people out there who think that I'm repulsive, that I'm not even human. This guy said, if he had a choice between having sex with me and cutting his dick off, then he'd cut his own dick off. And I was like, first of all I think you're lying. But second, if he is telling the truth, then that says something pretty profound … about him."- Diablo Cody [Guardian]
• "Yeah, once in a while, but it's not like it used to be, now they're weird sizes and strange shapes. But yeah, once in a while we get a nice pair of panties."- Billy Joel, on having underwear thrown at the stage while he's performing. And yes, I wrote underwear, not the other word. Pant—-, see! I can't even write it! Ugh! [NYMag]
• Colin Farrell and his girlfriend, Alicja Bachleda, had a son together on October 7. The boy's name is Henry Tadeusz Farrell; he's Farrell's second child and Bachelda's first. [People]
• The woman accused of stalking both Justin Timberlake and Axl Rose claims that she's been targeted by "Babylon witches" who have "evil" powers over her. [TMZ]
• "I thought there were thousands of other guys that deserved it, but it's been a great year. But now the pressures off. I can be a slob again." -Hugh Jackman, on handing over his "Sexiest Man Alive" crown. [People]
• "I'm 61 now and I think I'll probably be touring for the next five years. I'm in better shape now than I was at 30. I'm like Benjamin Button."- Alice Cooper [Independent]
• "The Starry Messenger," starring Matthew Broderick, has been pushed back from its original off-Broadway debut date, due to shaky preview performances wherein Broderick seemed to forget several lines. [Yahoo]
• Bruce Springsteen, Mick Jagger, and The Black Eyed Peas joined u2 on stage last night at a concert celebrating the 25th anniversary of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. The show will be broadcast on HBO in November. [Yahoo]
• Metallica and Lou Reed also played together, as did Annie Lennox and Aretha Franklin. [NYTimes]
• Sienna Miller got upset when a photographer asked her about her ex-boyfriend, Jude Law, as she was walking her dog in New York City: "Just before she got home, she had an outburst, told the photographers to [bleep] off and burst into tears," says a source. [PageSix]
• "It was hard on both of us. When we were talking, I said, ‘Even though this isn't happening right now, I'm going to still go out on the road. And he said, ‘Great, I support you.' And he's been very supportive."-Lady Gaga, on continuing her tour after her planned tour with Kanye West was canceled. [ShowbizSpy]
• A source claims that the Jon Gosselin/Hailey Glassman breakup has all been"carefully orchestrated" for the press: "First, Hailey laments how hard her life has been lately and how bad Jon treats her, then Jon repents. Next, Jon plans to announce that he is going to be spending some time alone. It has all been designed so that it doesn't seem as though Hailey got dumped." [People]
• Meanwhile, Jon's spiritual advisor, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach has released another statement re: Jon's relationship with Hailey: "I have advised him to end it with Hailey. It is unacceptable to be in a relationship when he is still married and has to take care of kids who are hurting. It is not a healthy relationship." [PageSix]
• This slideshow proves that Heidi Klum is excellent at picking out and pulling off Halloween costumes. [CNN]
• "It is heartbreaking to see so many young girls and boys suffering. I spent some time visiting brothels and showing prostitutes how to use condoms to prevent the spread of AIDS. I met one woman who has three children and prostitution is the only thing she can do to feed them. I met children sold by their families into domestic slavery, who are abused and worked around the clock."- Molly Sims, describing a recent charity trip to Haiti. [PageSix]
• Kenny Ortega says that Michael Jackson was hoping to make a series of movies: "He told me he wanted to create a partnership with me to do films. We were talking about doing Legs Diamond. And we were talking about doing a full-length, 3-D feature of Thriller." [DailyExpress]
• "I'd never experienced anything like that, and I would never wish anyone else to. Being judged by the colour of your skin is horrible. My dad is really laid-back. He said, 'Don't worry about it. I've experienced stuff like that many times, especially when I was younger, so don't be upset for me. I'm fine.' Do you know what he did? He got my CD, went back in the shop and said, 'You've just offended a really nice young lady. I just want to leave you this, so you can look and see who it is. This is my daughter. I'm not trying to cause trouble, but I wanted you to see that.'"-Leona Lewis, on being asked to leave a shop because the saleswoman "didn't like the look" of her father. [DailyMail]
• JoAnna Garcia of Privileged will guest star on an upcoming episode of How I Met Your Mother, as a college friend of Ted's. [JustJared]
• Brooke Shields was the one who convinced Andre Agassi to shave his head; before then, he'd been wearing a wig on the court. [DailyMail]
• I was working in the lab late one night, when my eyes beheld an eerie sight, for my monster from his slab began to rise, and suddenly to my surprise,he did the mash! He did the monster mash! The monster mash! It was a graveyard smash, you guys. For real. [YouTube]

• A London man found the album from Amy Winehouse's wedding to Blake Fielder-Civil in a dumpster with some photos torn out and Amy's beehive colored in.

• The man said, "I don't know if Amy threw the album away or her ex (did), but my wife said that's what she would do if we ever divorced, so it could have been the actions of an angry woman... Whoever threw it away obviously never wanted to look at that album again." Amy's rep issued a statement that she wanted it back, and the man returned it. [The Daily Express]
• A 44-year-old woman has accused Dr. Phil or sexually molesting her when she was being treated by him and interning for him in the summer of 1985, according to The National Enquirer. "He profoundly affected the course of my life. The world should know this man is a predator and a bully. He shouldn't be telling Americans how to live their lives, how to improve themselves." said the woman. [The National Enquirer]
• Vanessa Hudgens lawyer says she's considering filing criminal charges against websites that publish nude photos of her taken when she was underage. She took the photos herself and believes her computer may have been hacked. [TMZ]
• Tony Curtis claims in his new book The Making of 'Some Like It Hot' that he and Marilyn Monroe had an affair while filming the movie. They were both married to other people, and he says she was pregnant with his child, but miscarried. [The Daily Mail]
• Despite recent rumors that Katherine Jackson is so convinced foul play was involved in Michael Jackson's death she wants a third autopsy done on his body, a family source says, "there is neither a plan nor a need for another autopsy." [E!]
• The Jackson family has finally decided to bury Michael Jackson at Forest Lawn cemetery six weeks after his death. [WENN]
• In a federal complaint filed in New York, DEA agents say Michael Douglas' son Cameron Douglas has moved "pounds" of crystal meth since 2006. He was investigated for three years and allegedly tens of thousands of dollars of crystal meth. Three of his former clients are cooperating with prosecutors in the hope that the sentence for their narcotics convictions will be reduced. [TMZ]
• Miley Cyrus has been granted a temporary restraining order against Mark McLeod, the man arrested on Tuesday for allegedly attempting to stalk her. [TMZ]
• Wrigley's has "formally terminated" their relationship with Chris Brown. When news of his assault on Rihanna originally came out the company just suspended his campaign. [TMZ]
• Many American Idol staffers are excited to see Paula Abdul go according to a "veteran key Idol staff member" who said, "Can't you hear our celebration? We broke out the good champagne tonight." [Chicago Sun-Times]
• Paula says Simon Cowell already misses her and claims she hasn't heard that Nigel Lythgoe of offered her a guest judge spot on an episode of So You Think You Can Dance. [TMZ]
• Some American Idol sources say there's a good chance Paula Abdul will come back to the show next season. [TMZ]
• Victoria Beckham will guest judge one episode of American Idol next season. [The Daily Mail]
• Tom Sizemore was arrested on domestic violence charges after an altercation with a woman in L.A. last night and is still in custody. [TMZ]
• Polish fire emergency services have to approve evacuation routes before Madonna's Warsaw concert can take place. Some Polish Roman Catholics are protesting the concert, which is scheduled to take place during the feast of the Assumption of the Holly Virgin Mary because they say Madonna is anti-Christian. [UPI]
• A lawyer for Samantha Burke, who is having Jude Law's baby in October, responded to an interview request saying, "At this time, Samantha has decided not to give an exclusive story," which Radar thinks is news. [Radar Online]
• Does the following sentence mean anything to you? "Leonardo DiCaprio went on a mad bender in Ibiza last night - with Jodie Marsh's ex-hubby Matt Peacock." We know how to say, "Where is the library?" and "Did Peter Andre cheat on Jordan?" but are still not fluent in British. [The Sun]
• Kid Rock sent over $1,500 to a pizza boy who was beaten by a gang and needed emergency reconstructive surgery after reading about his story in The Cincinnati Enquirer. [The Daily Express]
• Steven Tyler was dancing onstage and fell off the stage at a show in South Dakota. He was taken to the hospital and treated for minor head, neck, and shoulder injuries. Video at the link. [TMZ]
• Kate Gosselin will be on Today on Monday for her first interview since she and Jon Gosselin announced that they're divorcing. [Associated Press]
• On August 15 Alyssa Milano will marry talent agent David Bugliari at a private home in New Jersey. [Radar Online]
• Milla Jovovich and director Paul Anderson will marry on August 22. "It's going to be small," she said, "It's just going to be family and close friends. And it's at our home and it's going to be kind of like Havana/Cuban, like very California-Spanish feeling. It's going to be nice." [People]
• The Jay Leno Show will premiere on September 14 with musical guests Jay-Z, Rihanna, and Kanye West. [Variety]
• Britney Spears will appear at the Teen Choice Awards on Monday night. [BritneySpears.com]
• Kristen Wiig bought a Manhattan co-op from Mad Men and Sopranos director Alan Taylor. [N.Y. Observer]
• In the video at the link RHOA's NeNe Leakes says, "I TiVo a lot of things I'm on. I'm just the bomb," and discusses her love for Anderson Cooper and Maxwell. [Entertainment Weekly]
• In Paul Giamatti's new film Cold Souls he plays "an angst-ridden actor who is also Paul Giamatti and who literally has his soul surgically removed to help him cope with the stress of his career and life." He says of playing a fictional version of himself, "The only time it really struck me as very weird was when someone said my whole name during a scene, and I'd go, 'We should cut and start again because there's obviously a mistake there.' Then I'd remember I was actually playing me." [Reuters]
• Molly Ringwald says of her new twins Roman Stylianos and Adele Georgiana, "You get up with one of the babies and feed and change that one and get the baby back to sleep, and the other wakes up, and then you feed and change that one. It is exhausting, but it's wonderful," [People]
• "My friends love coming over [to my house], because they get fed," says Jennifer Aniston. "It's the best restaurant in town." Her personal chef adds, "Jen's a homebody. It's been so much fun to create a place where everybody feels comfortable, like one big family." [People]
• Sienna Miller says she "probably looked awful" for dating married father of four Balthazar Getty. "I probably seem like not a particularly nice person, not a girl's girl," she said. "I do think sometimes people get morally superior without understanding situations and the situation I got into was not ideal, but it happened and if I could go back and be more responsible, I would." [Us]

• According to a search warrant, Dr. Conrad Murray is officially the target of a manslaughter investigation into the death of Michael Jackson. But more importantly, Michael's hair is being made into diamonds.

• Police issued a search warrant for a storage locker in Houston that Dr. Conrad Murray had his employees visit on the morning of Michael's death. According to the warrant, police are looking for, "items constituting evidence of the offense of manslaughter that tend to show that Dr. Conrad Murray committed the said criminal offense." [TMZ]
• Here are some more shady details about Dr. Conrad Murray: Police say he wasn't in the room when Michael Jackson's heart stopped. Murray says he found Michael in distress about a half an hour before he called 911 at 12:21 p.m., but that doesn't explain why he made his employees take a suspicious trip to his storage locker three hours earlier. [TMZ]
• When the feds raided Dr. Conrad Murray's Houston office earlier this week they too two Yahoo emails from Stacey Howe, correspondence addressed to Howe, and asked the office manager if she knew Howe. [TMZ]
• OMG: LifeGem is planning to make a lock of Michael Jackson's hair that fell off his head in the 1984 Pepsi commercial accident into diamonds. Producer Ralph Cohen found the lock of hair in his jacket after he threw it on MJ's head to put out the fire. "The provenance and authenticity of this lock of hair is impeccable, including the highly publicized video showing the original owner of the hair using his Armani jacket to extinguish Jackson's hair," said hair collector John Reznikoff, who sold some of the hair sample to LifeGem. The company is examining the hair to see how many laboratory diamonds they can get out of it. [UPI]
• Jon Gosselin and Kate Major are still at Michael Lohan's house. "They are still shacked up together because they don't want to be hounded by the media," said a source. Is it too much to hope that they'll stay in hiding forever? [Radar Online]
• Apparently not. Kate Major said today, "As a journalist, I get it... I realize being in the public eye often means facing criticism and being a target of hurtful lies. It simply comes with the territory." But she added, "I just want people to know that I am a nice and genuine person and anyone who knows me knows that." [E!]
• Kate Gosselin was photographed today without her wedding ring even though when she was asked last month why she still had it on she explained: "It would devastate my kids. It's not necessary. I was looking at it while I was in the shower this morning, and I thought, I'm not taking it off. I'm not ready." What could Jon have done to change her mind? [People]
• Ugh. People is polling it's readers on who's best for Jon Gosselin: Kate Gosselin, Kate Major or Hailey Glassman. So far Kate Gosselin in is winning, but we just want all of them to take a chastity vow. [People]
• According to multiple sources Adrian Grenier's junk is smelly and he has a hairy butt. [L.A. Rag Mag]
• Katrina Bowden of 30 Rock has made a bold admission: she doesn't find Robert Pattinson that attractive. "I think he's a good looking guy, but I'm not that into him," she said, "He's not really my type... He looks like he has a scowl on his face, which some people find very sexy. I like somebody who's more funny and jokey – a little less serious looking." [People]
• 45,000 stop signs in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin were vandalized to read "Stop Voldemort." Initially the police though Voldemort was a new tagger until an officer's seven-year-old son explained it. [The Guardian]
• Rihanna is back in the studio recording a new album, which a source says "will be the album to really give her an identity musically." It's goign to be more techo-based than her previous work. [People]
• Major League Soccer fined David Beckham $1,000 for threatening to fight L.A. Galaxy fans who booed him in his own stadium. [TMZ]
• Simon Cowell offered Anna Friel a record deal after he noticed her on a British soap opera in the 1990s. She explained, "Simon offered me a record deal twice, I was about 19. I wouldn't be here now if I'd said yes." [The Daily Express]
• In May after the Lost series finale, props and costumes from the show will be auctioned, including Kate's toy plane, Hurley's winning lottery ticket, and Locke's hunting knife. [UPI]
• E. Lynn Harris, a pioneer of gay black fiction died last night at the age of 54. He became ill at the Peninsula Hotel in Beverly Hills, but the cause of death is still unclear. [USA Today]
• Last night Kristen Cavallari told Chelsea Handler that Lauren Conrad is "a bit more reserved," while she's "more energetic." Chelsea replied: "Are you suggesting you have a personality?" Video here: [Entertainment Weekly]
• Isabelle Fuhrman, the 12-year-old girl who stars in Orphan is actually pretty adorable in real life. She said, "Usually I can't even see PG-13 movies unless my mom sees them before me. The only reason I was allowed to see [the R-rated Orphan] is that when we were on set in Montreal my mom said, 'I'll let you see the scenes you're in.' And then a producer tapped her on the shoulder and said, 'Uh, that's every single scene!'" But she still hasn't see the whole thing. She added, "My sister sat next to me in the theater and covered my eyes during scenes of Vera [Farmiga] and Peter [Sarsgaard] um, you know." She explains how they Photoshopped her to make her look scarier on the movie poster here: [W]
• Kim Zolciak of The Real Housewives of Atlanta says she's returning for another season because, "I figured in the second season you couldn't make me look any worse, so I might as well do it." She adds that her newfound fame on a cable reality show enables her to identify with Michael Jackson and Britney Spears. "I feel bad for Britney Spears," she says. "I look at her and I'm like they just tear up one side and down the other! Then the next month, she's doing so great. She's lost weight. She's a great mom all of a sudden. I kind of sympathize with her because I take a lot of that heat myself."
  [People]
• Eminem is a huge fan of The Wire , so he asked Dominic West to voice a British doctor on the first track of his new CD. West says Eminem was "very sweet" adding, "I'm the first thing you hear on his new album. Track No 1 is called Doctor West which is pretty cool, don't you think? He's a fan of The Wire - he's watched The Wire four times all the way through, he doesn't get out much, he's obsessed with The Wire. [Mirror]
• In this clip Megan Fox explains the plot of Jennifer's Body: The boys in Adam Brody's band, "sacrifice [Jennifer] thinking she's a virgin but she's not. She's not even a backdoor virgin." So the sacrifice backfires and she needs to feed on human flesh so she starts eating the boys in her high school. Diablo Cody says she wrote the script because "a lot of adolescent girls are ravenous. You feed on your friends and you feed on boys sexually and it's a time when emotions are heightened and you feel a little insane and... specifically with women you haven't seen this in a horror movie." [TMZ]

• Michael Jackson's autopsy will be performed today. [TMZ]

• Michael Jackson's brother Jermaine said that a team of doctors tried to resuscitate Michael for an hour. [TMZ]
• This report claims that Michael Jackson had been given an injection of Demerol before he collapsed. "Shortly after taking the Demerol, he started to experience slow, shallow breathing. His breathing gradually got slower and slower until it stopped," a source says. [NY Post]
• Michael Jackson died $500 million in debt. [NY Post]
• Michael Jackson's kids are "very upset" but "fine," whatever that means. [The Sun]
• Michael Jackson has reportedly left The Beatles catalog to Paul McCartney. [Spinner]
• Elton John was in the middle of his annual White Tie and Tiara Ball when he found out about Michael Jackson's death, and dedicated "Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me" to him. [TMZ]
• Lou Ferrigno had been working as Michael Jackson's trainer for the upcoming tour, and Ferrigno's wife says: "he's in total shock ... he thought he was going to be training Michael tomorrow." [TMZ]
• Liz Taylor is "too devastated" to comment. [E!]
• "The saddest aspect to this tragedy is that so many watched it happen and few did anything to stop it. I pray that Michael's death will not be in vain and that we see a return, even among Hollywood celebrities to the spiritual and family values that are life sustaining." — Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, who worked with Michael Jackson on a charity called Heal The Kids. [Extra]
• Madonna had planned to make surprise appearances at Michael Jackson's 50-date shows in London. [Daily Express]
• "I can't stop crying over the sad news. I have always admired Michael Jackson. The world has lost one of the greats, but his music will live on forever! My heart goes out to his three children and other members of his family. God bless." — Madonna. [People]
• "I am absolutely devastated at this tragic and unexpected news. For Michael to be taken away from us so suddenly at such a young age, I just don't have the words. Divinity brought our souls together on The Wiz and allowed us to do what we were able to throughout the '80s. To this day, the music we created together on Off The Wall, Thriller and Bad is played in every corner of the world and the reason for that is because he had it all…talent, grace, professionalism and dedication. He was the consummate entertainer and his contributions and legacy will be felt upon the world forever. I've lost my little brother today, and part of my soul has gone with him." — Quincy Jones. [ET]
• "We have lost a genius and a true ambassador of not only Pop music but of all music. He has been an inspiration to multiple generations, and I will always cherish the moments I shared with him on stage and all of the things I learned about music from him and the time we spent together. My heart goes out to his family and loved ones." — Justin Timberlake. [People, TMZ]
• "I am so very sad and confused with every emotion possible. I am heartbroken for his children, who I know were everything to him, and for his family. This is such a massive loss on so many levels, words fail me." — Lisa Marie Presley. [People, Extra]
• Priscilla Presley says: "I'm in shock, as I know everyone must be." [Extra]
• "When we worked together on 'Bad,' I was in awe of his absolute mastery of movement on the one hand, and of the music on the other. Every step he took was absolutely precise and fluid at the same time. It was like watching quicksilver in motion." — director Martin Scorcese. "Dazed in the studio. A major strand of our cultural DNA has left us. RIP MJ." — John Mayer. Many more quotes from stars at the link. [AP]
• Twitter tributes here, including quotes from Lindsay Lohan, Samantha Ronson, Mariah Carey and Kim Kardashian, who had her 14th birthday party at Neverland Ranch and had known Michael Jackson her entire life. [Mirror]
• More quotes from stars here, including Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jaime Foxx and Dionne Warwick. [NY Post]
• "Just as there will never be another Fred Astaire or Chuck Berry or Elvis Presley, there will never be anyone comparable to Michael Jackson. His talent, his wonderment and his mystery make him legend." — Steven Spielberg. [EW]
• "I was so excited to see his show in London. We were going to be on tour in Europe at the same time and I was going to fly in to see him. He has been an inspiration throughout my entire life and I'm devastated he's gone!" — Britney Spears. [E!]
• Will Justin Timberlake step in and do concerts in London to replace some of MJ's O2 gigs? [The Sun]
• Yesterday, a bus full of tourists were driving by Michael Jackson's house to see his front gate — instead they saw paramedics rushing away from the scene. [TMZ]
• Heavy volume — caused by people searching for information about Michael Jackson's death — caused the internet to slow down yesterday. [BBC News]
• Tippi Hedren will take Michael Jackson's tigers. [Extra]
• Somehow this paper has a shot of the paramedics' monitor, which reads: "50 year old male — not breathing at all." Michael Jackson's mom Katherine and his close friend Elizabeth Taylor were among those who rushed to the hospital. [The Sun]
• Flavor Flav showed up to the Jackson family estate and sent regards to Katherine Jackson via intercom, because he was not let in. [TMZ]
• Bands at the Glastonbury Festival this weekend will pay tribute to Michael Jackson — playing covers and talking about the star in their sets. [BBC News]
• Sacha Baron Cohen makes lots of jokes about Michael Jackson (and LaToya) in Brüno. Will the scenes be cut? [The Daily Beast]
• The LaToya/Michael scene was cut for a screening of Brüno last night — but will it be deleted in the film when it hits theaters nationwide? [PopCrunch]
• Online sales of Michael Jackson's hits are soaring. [CBS News]
• Farrah Fawcett died yesterday with longtime love Ryan O'Neal at her side. [NY Daily News, NY Post]
• Rihanna and Chris Brown think "it's ridiculous" that they have to stay 50 yards away from each other, since they are "becoming friends." [Gatecrasher]
• Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick have checked out of an Ohio hospital with their new twins. Though security at the hospital was tight, a source said "even the nurses" were trying to get a glimpse of the babies. [People]
• Contrary to rumors, Jeff Goldblum and Harrison Ford are not dead. [NY Daily News]
• Despite the divorce developments, Christian publisher Zondervan is still planning on releasing a book by Kate Gosselin titled Love is in the Mix: Making Meals into Memories. [USA Today]
• "Kate Gosselin Of Jon & Kate Singing The Blues - In Hot Blue Bikini; Jon Gone, She Shows Off Bod." [NY Daily News]
• Um, Woody Harrelson and Zoe Kravitz hang out? [Page Six]
• Chloe Sevigny wore that "Free The Beatrice" shirt in part because her brother owned the club. [Page Six]
• Rod Stewart was seen rubbing Penny Lancaster's tummy, so clearly she could be expecting a child. [Daily Express]
• Was Men At Work's '80s hit "Down Under" plagiarized from a 1934 children's song? [Mirror]
• Blind item! "Which rocker is back on drugs? Although she claims to be clean, when she checked out of a Manhattan hotel recently, the maid found the room littered with dirty needles. [Page Six]
• "I was raised in a very grounded family that came from the South, and I was never much of a party girl. I'm a very low-key person so I like to stay at home and bake, or just walk around the city. I'm addicted to cooking. So I haven't felt tempted [to be a party girl] but if I were to I would think of the obligation I have to the young girls that look up to our show. I feel like there isn't too many great young role models in our business." — Blake Lively. [Independent]
• "Thank you to everyone who reads my blog, and in particular, thank you for giving your aggressive, emotional comments. A blog is meant to get people worked up, and obviously mine is working. Let me clear up a few things..." — Bethenny Frankel is still blogging. [E!]
• "I think it's normal for people to ask my views on motherhood, especially someone my age, because it seems the obvious thing: 'Why haven't you done it yet?' Those questions don't bother me. I force things into shape. I feel fulfilled and loved, and I get to nurture the people in my life. If having children is something that's going to happen in my life, I welcome it. If it doesn't happen, then it wasn't meant to be. I don't declare either way that I will or I won't." — Cameron Diaz. [Daily Mail]
• "Jack Kennedy was one of the handsomest men I have ever laid eyes on. No picture does him justice. I totally regret not having had an affair with him. Who wouldn't? It wasn't up to me, of course." — Oscar-nominated writer-director Nora Ephron, to More. [Page Six]
• "I didn't set out to shock people. I set out to do something different from Potter. If I had wanted to shock people I would have played, you know, a gay drug dealer" — Daniel Radcliffe in Parade on his nude scene in Equus. [Page Six]
• "We thought we'd see him moonwalk one more time." — Reverend Al Sharpton [NY Daily News]

• Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick's surrogate gave birth to their twin girls this morning in Ohio. Sarah Jessica and Matthew are at the hospital with the surrogate and released a statement saying:

• "Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are delighted to announce the healthy arrival of their two daughters. Marion Loretta Elwell Broderick weighed 5 lbs, 11oz and Tabitha Hodge Broderick weighed 6 pounds. Both Hodge and Elwell are family names on Parker's side. The babies are doing beautifully and the entire family is over the moon. [TMZ, ABC News]
• Kate Gosselin's brother Kevin Kreider and his wife Jodi Kreider were so outraged by Kate discussing her divorce on TV that they agreed to do an interview with Radar Online in their home minutes after last night's Jon and Kate Plus 8 ended. Kevin said, "We're just so heartbroken and sad about the announcement they made... an announcement that could be so life-shattering for a young child. It was used to gain ratings without any regard for my nieces and nephews." [Radar Online]
• Miranda Tozier-Robbins, the woman who was allegedly caught peeping into Britney Spears' home, pled not guilty today to charges of trespassing, peeping, and prowling. A pretrial date was is set for July 17. [TMZ]
• Lil Wayne attended a pretrial hearing in Arizona related to drug posession and weapons charges. The judge set another date for August 11. [USA Today]
• Darryl Hannah and others were arrested at a protest in West Virginia against mountaintop removal mining. Protesters were blocking a road near a coal processing plant. [USA Today]
• E! is now a "Speidi-Free Zone." The network won't cover Spencer and Heidi Pratt, "Barring any actual news (e.g., she gets knocked up, he falls off a cliff or-heaven help us-her album goes to No. 1), consider this their very last post." [E!]
• Audrina Patridge stars in a new Carl's Jr. ad. While wearing a gold bikini, she rolls around on the beach and eats a "healthier" Teriyaki Burger. She says, "To look this good in a bikini, I've got to give up, like, everything. But there's no way I'm giving up that Teriyaki burger. I'm totally obsessed. I have to be a little bad." [The Sun]
• While speaking at the National Conference on Volunteers and Service, Matthew McConaughey talked about expecting his second child with girlfriend Camilla Alves. "We are putting after-school fitness and wellness programs into underserved communities nationwide, teaching physical fitness, nutrition education, with an emphasis on daily gratitude for how much or how little we have," McConaughey said, "And now that I'm blessed to be a father myself – I got one at home [Levi] who's 11 months and as you people know, we have another one in the oven, three months – this foundation and its cause means even more to me." [People]
• Though Nick Cannon says wife Mariah Carey isn't pregnant, he's announced that when the day comes he'll be a great dad. "I want to be a father that's all about love," says Cannon. "That's the main thing to get right and at the end of the day it's just about smothering my children with love. The same way I do to my wife!" [People]
• Would you vote for President Jolie? Supposedly Angelina Jolie is thinking of entering politics. "Ange has admitted she's getting bored with Hollywood. She said she's now got her sights set on Washington," says a friend. "She is passionate about people's rights, war and justice and thinks she can get more hands-on and make even more of a difference by getting into politics. She admires Obama and thinks she could make a big difference too if she were in his position." [The Daily Express]
• Eve will appear in two episodes of Glee as a "no-nonsense girls' choir director from a rival school." Whitney Houston was being considered for the part. [Entertainment Weekly]
• According to the annual report of the British Board of Film Classification, several viewers complained about Dame Judi Dench's swearing in Quantum of Solace. "Almost every time Dame Judi swears in a film, regardless of its category, we can expect a number of complaints," said the report. "It seems that she should not use such language." [The Mirror]
• Nick Jonas is meeting with Speaker Nancy Pelosi's office this afternoon on behalf of the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. [Politico]
• Zac Efron has been signed to star in an untitled "sexy thriller." [The Hollywood Reporter]
• If you want to see some spoilers concerning whether or not Dominic Monaghan will return to Lost, read on: [E!]
• Sam Kinison's widow, Malika Borghese is suing Sam's brother for allegedly forging the comedian's will 17 years ago. She claims he rewrote the will to give himself most of his brother's estate, but she only found out in 2007. [TMZ]
• A coroner has announced that Former Wilco guitarist Jay Bennett died of an overdose of the pain killer fentanyl. He had posted on MySpace that he was getting ready for hip replacement surgery after years of pain. [AP]
• Despite rumors that she was given special treatment in prison, Foxy Brown says, "It was incarceration, not vacation. I only wore the designer clothing I was allowed to have." [The N.Y. Post]
• If you're a great tattoo artist, Megan Fox would like to meet you. "I'm looking for a really good artist," she said, "So if you fancy yourself one, try and find me. Have your people talk to my people, and I'll come see you." [E!]
• Paul McCartney has been telling friends he's confident that he'll live to be 100. "Paul has a hunch he'll still be here to mark his 100th year," says a family source. "At the end of the day he leads a pretty healthy life with a strict vegetarian diet and he exercises regularly. He certainly sees 100 as a reachable target." [The Daily Express]
• Courteney Cox will guest star in an episode of Lisa Kudrow's online comedy series Web Therapy, which is produced by Lexus for their branded entertainment network. Alan Cumming, Steven Weber and Victor Garber will also guest star in the second season. [Brand Week]
• Patti LuPone responded to the New York Times story on her pausing a performance to yell at an audience member who may have been photographing her. She wrote in an email: "I found the tone of your report very snide and feel compelled to write you to ask – what do expect me, or any performer for that matter, to do? Do we allow our rights to be violated (photography, filming and audio taping of performances is illegal) or tolerate rudeness by members of the audience who feel they have the right to sit in a dark theater, texting or checking their e-mail while the light from their screens distract both performers and the audience alike? Or, should I stand up for my rights as a performer as well as the audiences I perform for?" [N.Y. Times]
• Ellen DeGeneres says she and wife Portia de Rossi aren't going to have kids. "We have animals, and we love them. They don't talk back, and they don't explore their vocal chords out in public," said Ellen. "[Portia's] brother and his wife just had a baby girl who's a month old now, and it's fun to be a part of that. But no, I think, you know, we definitely thought about it. And it's something I think most people, as a relationship goes on, explore. But it's just a huge responsibility, and I don't know that that's something we want to take on. We're very happily married without children." [Ok]
• Melissa Auf der Maur says she only recorded background vocals for Courtney Love's solo album Nobody's Daughter because of producer Michael Beinhorn, who worked on the last Hole album, not because the band is reuniting. "Michael Beinhorn and I had an incredible working relationship on Celebrity Skin," Auf der Maur said. "And he called me and asked me if I would sing on [Courtney's] new solo record – which is what I understood it was. And I said 'Yes' because I enjoy working with him and ... well, she and I have a history of making music together. And I'm happy to visit her again in the future." [The Guardian]
• Melissa Leo plays Christian Bale's mom in the upcoming film The Fighter. When asked about her onscreen son's reputation for getting too into his roles, she said, "He does, but that's great. I met him on the airplane to Massachusetts a month and a half ago, before he had met his character Dicky. I watched him meet Dicky and right away saw how [Christian] absorbed him. Then, I saw him again a couple of weeks later when we got together to do work, and the transformation-wow. It has been amazing. It just delights me to see. Acting is so precious to me, and to see someone like Christian who really works at it and enjoys it...He's just amazing." [E!]
• Samuel L. Jackson says the only reason he wasn't in Mamma Mia! is that he wasn't aware his friend Phylida Lloyd was even working on it. He says, "I missed that because a friend of mine actually directed Mamma Mia! And I didn't know it until I saw her last year at the British Film Awards and they won all of these awards. I would have called to be in Mamma Mia! I'm a huge Abba fan." [The Daily Express]

• The fallout from Chris Brown's arrest for allegedly attacking Rihanna continued today, even as the District Attorney's office said they needed police to do more investigative work to find out what really happened.

• Chief investigator Detective Deshon Andrews hand carried case documents to the DA today because he won't allow any copies to be made to prevent photos and documents from leaking to the media. The LAPD has also denied media requests to hear the 911 call, which Andrews said is mostly of "a screaming woman." Police did not identify the woman as Rihanna, but said she "suffered visible injuries and identified Brown as her attacker." [CNN]
• Ugh, now a "highly placed source" in Chris Brown's legal camp is suggesting that Rihanna started the fight after Brown got a phone call from a woman with whom she suspects he is cheating. "She went ballistic and began to "beat the sh*t" out of Chris (while driving). She was so uncontrollable, that Chris began to fight back in self defense, which ensued the fight," said the source. [Bossip]
• But other sources say "Chris knocked her around" and that Rihanna suffered a black eye, a swollen split lip, and two red and purple contusions on either side of her forehead. An unidentified friend says Rihanna is "in a safe place" now and adds, "I would be so sad if she went back to him." [People]
• Rihanna's grandma denies that she has a broken nose, and says, "I don't want people to worry. Rihanna is fine and she is doing well." [Perez Hilton]
• T.I. says he spoke to Chris Brown and he is "cool." He added that people shouldn't be so quick to judge Brown because, "you people gotta remember, we celebrities and we entertainers but we still human. All of us. Don't expect us not to make mistakes ‘cause we will." Here we must agree with Perez Hilton, who remarked, "Since when is beating on a woman a 'mistake'?" [Perez Hilton]
• Kanye West discussed the situation on a radio show this morning and had a lot of kind things to say about Rihanna. "It's so devastating. As a person, I don't care how famous she is or if she just worked at McDonald's, that should never happen. It should never come to that place," said Kanye. [Just Jared]
• Chris Brown's "Got Milk?" ads were scheduled to end this week and the company said they will not be using him once the run ends. [Entertainment Tonight]
• A Pittsburgh radio station has decided to stop playing Chris Brown's music. Will other stations follow their example? [WPXI]
• Tameka Foster, Usher's wife, is still in a Brazilian hospital suffering from "complications from routine surgery." The hospital refused to release information on her condition, saying "the family has demanded total privacy." [Yahoo]
• The lawyers in Britney's conservatorship case got permission to withdraw more money from her accounts because she needs to hire more lawyers to defend her against Sam Lufti's defamation case. The two lawyers will cost a total of $935 an hour. [TMZ]
• This is an interesting eight minute video about Salma Hayek's humanitarian trip to Sierra Leone. But the only part anyone cares about is that she breastfeeds a sick baby that is not her own five minutes into the video. [D Listed]
• Salma Hayek says she thinks of her current boyfriend and ex-finace Francois-Henri Pinault when she is kissing Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock. Also, their baby is 16 months old and speaks English, French, and Spanish. [People]
• Simon Cowell: still a jerk. Reports that he saved Fantasia Barrino's house from foreclosure are untrue. [Showbiz Spy]
• Anne Heche will star in the new HBO series Hung as the ex-wife of the main character, Ray, a "well-endowed, struggling high school basketball coach." [UPI]
• In the next chapter of the Hillary Duff-Faye Dunaway feud, Duff says: "[Dunaway] started acting way later than I did so I think I have time to grow and grow with each project. I am learning and work hard at my craft… [What I said was mean but] it's not okay for people to take stabs at you and to say mean things for no reason." [Just Jared]
• Cybill Shepard will star in a new comedy on Lifetime called Alligator Point. Shepard will star as the owner of Mae's Oyster Bar, "a Southern-fried hangout where a group of eccentric Floridians are forced to befriend a Yankee." And it gets weirder: the pilot was directed by Kelsey Grammar and it was originally developed as a pilot for NBC seven years ago starring Nathan Fillion and Jaimie Pressly. [Entertainment Weekly]
• Seven of the people at the party where Michael Phleps was photographed smoking pot have been arrested, along with the owner of the house who did not attend the party. Police have also confiscated the bong, which the owner was trying to sell on eBay for $100,000. [WIS10]
• Though Justin Timberlake developed the concept for the NYC BBQ and ribs restaurant Southern Hospitality, that's where his involvement ends. He's still friends with the owner and eats at the restaurant, but is not an investor or partner in the business. [People]
• DMX is in solitary confinement for 23 hours in an Arizona jail because he refused to report for his mandatory job, did not show up to receive his medication and then demanded it an hour later. [Perez Hilton]
• A source says John Mayer wrote Jennifer Aniston a special song for her 40th birthday tomorrow. Is this the same song we learned about earlier, which is based on something dumb Jen told him about love? [People]
• Queen Latifah will sing the song "I'll Be Seeing You" during the In Memoriam montage at the Oscars this year. [The Mirror]
• According to the father of another Russian tennis player, Maria Sharapova isn't absent from professional tennis because of an injury, but because she is concentrating on a love affair. [The Daily Express]
• Patrick Swayze has written a letter to legislators urging them to increase funding to the National Institute of Health for the fight against cancer. [E!]
• Hit hard by the recession: Paris Hilton. The company that holds the licenses for all of her products reported dismal 4th quarter earnings. [Fashion Rules]
• The Jonas Brother say that Sasha and Malia Obama were "so grateful, so nice, so composed and so awesome," when they met them on the night of the Inauguration. They performed "Love Bug" and "SOS" for the girls and gave them guitars. [Access Hollywood]
• Lauren Conrad is renting the four bedroom house where The Hills was filmed, for $11,000 a month. It even includes a guest house for roommates you want to shun. [TMZ]
• Michelle Pfeiffer, who turned 50 last year, says she is getting offered more interesting roles now, and that "It seems my leading men keep getting younger the older I get." She explains, "It seems people have an aversion about casting me with men my age. Lucky for me; I don't really mind." [Yahoo]
• Ashton Kutcher edited a video on his Twitter page to make it look like the paparazzi were harassing him at LAX, but a TMZ video shows there were only three photographers there and they were friendly. [TMZ]
• KISS singer Paul Stanley and his wife Erin welcomed their second child, a baby girl named Sarah, on January 28. "Erin and I feel truly blessed with the addition of this Star Child into our lives," said Stanley. [People]
• In a poll of 2,000 people to determine the 20 most timeless film beauties, Audrey Hepburn finished first, beating out Angelina Jolie. [The Telegraph]
• Vincent Pastore, a.k.a. "Big Pussy" on The Sopranos, has settled a lawsuit with his ex-fiance for $150,000. His ex, Lisa Regina, was suing him because she claimed he roughed her up after a fight in her car. [NY Post]
• Scarlett Johansson says she wasn't trying to copy Marilyn Monroe in her recent Dolce & Gabanna ad campaign. "I am a curvy woman who is blonde, and perhaps we are both comfortable in our femininity, but I think that is as far as the comparison goes," says Johansson. So that makes Johansson just about the only starlet who doesn't want to be compared to Marilyn. [The Daily Express]

Life & Style
"How We Make It Work!" Despite repeated headlines like "Breaking Point!, this week, the mag declares that Angelina and Brad are "Happier Than Ever." Moving on: Britney is filming some kind of reality show or documentary for MTV. That photo op where she presented a check to the school in The Bronx? That'll be on it. Madonna and A-Rod could be "back on" since they had dinner together last week. Is Janet Jackson canceling concerts because she is sick? Or because tickets are not selling and she doesn't want to see half-empty arenas? Rihanna and Chris Brown: Moving in together! They're looking at apartments in Sierra Towers on Sunset Boulevard.
Grade: F (hair-in-a-can)


In Touch
"Britney's Humiliating Betrayal." An insider says, "Kevin and Shar are having sex." Shar as in Jackson, Kev's ex-girlfriend and baby mama. A friend reveals that Kevin, who got about $13 million in his divorce settlement from Britney, pays for all of Shar's stuff: her rent, her phone bill and her day-to-day expenses. Which means that Britney's paying. Sigh. Moving on: Katie Holmes wants to move to New York. A source says, "Broadway has turned Katie into independent woman. LA is Tom's turf, but Katie feels more in control in New York." She's looking at apartments! Angelina and Brad want to adopt a daughter from Haiti, and they want a girl who is younger than Zahara. Right now, they have a total of six nannies. Also, a source says: "Behind closed doors, they're at each other's throats." Lastly: Vanessa Hudgens of High School Musical just bought a $3 million house in Studio City, CA: She is 19.
Grade: D- (toupee)


OK!
"Casey Breaks His Silence: I'm No Cheater." The mag interviewed Casey and Jamie Lynn and went through each girl he was accused of sleeping with. Casey denies ever having sex with other chicks, like Kelli Dawson or Whitney Seals. He says: "There was never another girl pregnant ever. I'm 19. Jamie's the only girl I've ever had pregnant." Jamie Lynn says that one of those girls sold her story and in a small town, when one person does it, everyone decides, good idea. Casey and Jamie Lynn are engaged but they won't get married for a while, because they want their daughter, Maddie to be part of the ceremony. Casey is a full-time student at Southwest Mississippi Community College studying process technology, which prepares you to work on a pipeline. Jamie Lynn wants to get a business degree. Next: "They're Just That Into Drew!" is a charticle detailing Ms. Barrymore's many, many hookups. Some of these people are on the infamous herpes chart. (Fig 1). Lastly, in "How To Look Tall And Slim," the magazine explains how to do an angled hands-on-hips/one foot forward pose à la Victoria Beckham. Servicey!
Grade: D (plugs)


Us
"How She Got Thin Fast" This story begins as a vertical poster centerfold of two pictures — front and side view — of Angelina Jolie at the premiere of The Changeling. The story goes on to say that the family used to eat processed food like pizza and Hot Pockets and now they don't. But there is a picture of Shiloh holding Cheetohs. The mag says when Angie does break down and eat junk food with the kids, she uses portion control. Moving on: "Audrina vs. Lauren: It's War!" As we know, there is a rumor that LC slept with Justin Bobby. A source close to The Hills says, "Audrina herself spread the rumors to get more attention. Audrina is the one who gets the least attention. She was so jealous, she concocted this on her own." Spencer talked to Us and said: "The truth is, I did know about this, and chose to say nothing out of respect for Audrina's feelings." He is such a good person. Next: "Jen Vs. Britney: Guess The Body!" Now that Spears is super-svelte, can you tell her apart from Aniston? (Hint: Yes.) (Fig 2). Kendra Wilkinson was seen making out with Joe Francis in Miami. Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels say they're gonna get hitched now that gay marriage is legal in California. They exchanged vows in 2003 and have 4 children. Exclusive interview with Travis Barker, from the hospital! "I'm trying to have a quick recovery and play the drums again and be able to hold my kids again," he says. He had to stop being a vegetarian, because after his first three surgeries, the grafts would not take to his skin, due to his low levels of protein. He thinks if his last surgery goes well, he should be out of the hospital in the next two weeks. Lastly: Even though there were jokes about the obese child on Desperate Housewives, played by an actual obese child, the show's creator says: "We are not making fun of childhood obesity. We were trying to paint a portrait of a woman who doesn't know how to deal with her daughter's problem."
Grade: D+ (comb over)


Star
"Angie's Secret Tummy Tuck!" Angelina Jolie told some friends she had a "mommy tuck." It was done right after the birth of her twins and she recovered in the hospital for a few days. Then she spent the next two months healing at home. Says an insider: "She had a hard time sitting still and couldn't stop picking up the babies, so the stitches opened up a few times and doctors had to come fix it. She had a really tough, painful recovery. But now she's doing fine." Next: Peter Krause has been chasing Lucy Liu around the set of Dirty Sexy Money. The story called "Why She Can't Find A Man: Jen's Secret Struggle" is all about how poor Aniston has unrealistic expectations because no one can live up to Brad Pitt. Lastly, "I Married A Star" is a photo list of unfamous people who married famous people: Matt Damon's wife, Nicolas Cage's wife, Tina Fey's husband.
Grade: C (extensions)


Fig. 1

Fig. 2

• What kind of fuckery is this? Amy Winehouse borrowed some designer dresses. When she returned them, they were splattered with vomit. [Mirror]
• Some of the puke-stained dresses had developed furry mold on them. [Hey, I'm eating breakfast, lady! - Ed.] [CelebNewsWire]
• Meanwhile, Amy is trying to launch the singing career of her goddaughter, Dionne. [Mirror]
• Except at Dionne's gig, Amy was a total fucking mess. [Daily Mail]
• More "turmoil" for Brad and Angelina as Billy Bob Thornton says of Angie, "We're still close." Eh. [Daily Mail]

• Britney was seen wearing a black wig because she was shooting the video for her new song, "Womanizer," at a sushi lounge. She plays a waitress. [People]
• Julia Roberts was spotted covering up with a large pashmina so obviously she must be pregnant. [The Sun]
• Shia LaBeouf won't be charged with drunk driving in connection with his car accident in West Hollywood this summer. He refused a blood-alcohol test, though, so his license is going to be suspended. [LA Times]
• Clay Aiken's baby mama took pills for nausea during her pregnancy. Um, is that safe for the fetus? [Perez Hilton]
• Hayden Panettiere's dad has been charged with hitting her mom. It's a misdemeanor battery charge and he could face up to a year in jail if convicted. [Reuters]
• Chris Kattan and Sunshine Tutt were married for 59 days, but she'll get six figures in the divorce settlement. Which means being married to Kattan is worth at least $1,700 a day; a well-paying job. [TMZ]
• ANTM's Isis says she really wants to get the surgery to become biologically female but she doesn't have the cash: "I'm not working right now, but hopefully I get a lot of gigs from me being on the show. Once I save my money—hopefully within the next two years, that's my goal—I will have it done as soon as possible, so I can just get it out of the way." [E!]
• Megan Fox is so much more famous now that she has lost weight, gotten a nose job and plumped her lips. She was cute in this "before" picture though. [Socialite Life]
• The next time your phone rings, it could be Ellen DeGeneres, telling you to help yourself fight breast cancer. [AP]
• OMG no way: Melrose Place might be coming back. [UPI]
• Ricky Gervais to maybe host next year's Oscars? Are you having a laugh? [The Sun]
• Emma Watson looks AMAZING in this Italian Vogue photo shoot. [Daily Mail]
• Thanks to the presidential campaign, Saturday Night Live ratings are up 50%. [Variety]
• The Australians in Film Heath Ledger Scholarship has launched and Michelle Williams has stepped up as the first donor. [People]
• Mariska Hargitay blogs, very thoughtfully, about her character's rape storyline on SVU. [ONTD]
• Lauren Conrad and Chace Crawford "exchanged digits." They're "just friends." [E!]
• Mariah Carey will not appear on Oprah's show to announce that she is pregnant, because she is not, so if you heard that rumor, ignore it. [Perez Hilton]
• Kanye West is letting you remix his new single, "Love Lockdown," for free. Any takers? [Rolling Stone]
• Jay-Z and Norwegian production duo Stargate have announced the formation of StarRoc, a new New York-based music label. [UPI]
• Gwyneth Paltrow's mom says Gwyneth's marriage works "beautifully." All I can think is: GOOP. [People]
• Mackenzie Phillips is doing "great" in rehab. One day at a time! [People]
• A trash can designed by Bono sold for $30K. But it was a charity auction so it's not like someone was throwing their money away. [Mediabistro]
• Pete Doherty started playing a concert in Bournemouth, England and refused to stop. [Daily Express]
• Ladies and gentlemen, a message from Holly Madison: "Page 6 needs to check their 'facts.' Today Page 6 said that Bridget is married to a guy from Ohio??????????? Last time I checked, Bridget is divorced (after a 7 year seperation[sic]) from a guy from California…being that this is all a matter of public record, one would think you could check on that pretty easily." [Perez Hilton]
• Ed McMahon will appear in to viral rap videos for FreeCreditReport.com, and his "gangsta" outfit is so cringe-worthy it's basically like a minstrel show. [CNN, Portfolio]
• Helen Mirren will play an Israeli Massad agent in a new flick called The Debt. [Variety]
• Here's a first look at the poster for that probably crappy Tom Cruise movie Valkyrie — You know, where he plays a Nazi with an American accent? [Just Jared]
• Sarah Michelle Gellar may return to TV: An HBO show called The Wonderful Maladys. [Variety]
• Busta Rhymes was detained at an airport in London, then released. Woo-ha, got you all in check. [BBC News]
• Kid Rock says he's not really friends with Pam Anderson. "I touched stove, stove was hot, I think I not touch stove anymore." [People]
• Whoa: Robert Wagner once considered shooting Warren Beatty over Natalie Wood. [Reuters]
• The rare footage of Marilyn Monroe on the set of Some Like It Hot was sold Thursday for $14,700. [Reuters]
• Hmm, here's a lawsuit over nude pix of Marilyn. [AP]
• Terrence Howard's mother died after a long battle with cancer. [People]
• "I've been lucky to be able to make my own choices and not feel like I've been guided too much other than by my own instincts. I guess I get offered a certain type of role when it comes to mothers — they are generally not your predictable blonde on blonde mothers. They are spikier and more dangerous, and in this case, utterly self-delusional. Putting them together and finding the honest notes is always fun." — Angelica Huston, on her role in Choke. [Reuters]
• "'I'm a big fan of Jay-Z, but outside of the states and hip-hop circles, no one really knew who he was until he married Beyonce." — 50 Cent. [StereoHyped]
• "I believe that a woman should be paid the same amount as a man if she does the same job. I think that we're extraordinary creatures who can run a company and a house." — Natalie Cole. [Guardian]
• "I'm just a big believer in 'you must love yourself before you can love anybody else,' and I think for me that breeds the most inspired relationships. It's hard for me to have any proclamation about the right kind of love or how to love, because relationships are so complicated and there are so many ways to love. On one hand, there's obsessive love and committed love and the love that friends just have for one another." — Scarlett Johansson. [Perez Hilton]
• "Actors such as Daniel Day Lewis and Robert De Niro are often held up as ‘this is the way to act’ but I don’t go to bed dreaming and sleeping the character. There’s a lot of bullshit in acting. I’m not criticising those guys as actors but sometimes you just have to show up and deliver a speech. You don’t have to pretend to be somebody, I like to think I am enough. I’m not interested in ‘Oh he lost 30 pounds for this role’. I think that should stay private. I don’t wanna hear it." — Liam Neeson. [Daily Express]
• "I've been to talk at quite a few schools recently. It is essential to talk to 12- and 13-year-olds because they absorb what's thrown at them, whether it be homophobia or tolerance, and we have to make sure it's the positive stuff." — Sir Ian McKellen, who is working with Stonewall's Education Champion Programme, which addresses homophobia in schools. [Guardian]
• "I've never seen that (sex) tape of me and Tommy and I don't ever want to. I see more than enough of Tommy as it is. I can't get rid of him." — Pamela Anderson. [Daily Express]

• Oprah! In final talks! To be on 30 Rock! She'll play herself in scenes with Tina Fey's character Liz Lemon. Will Arnett and Jennifer Aniston are also making appearances on the show this fall. The bad news? The season premiere doesn't air until October 30. [E!]
• Paris Hilton has "manipulated" the Toronto Film Festival to get more publicity for a documentary about herself. There were three screenings of the film Paris, Not France; now there is only one, because that will "create more buzz." Hasn't her moment in the spotlight come and gone? [Page Six]
• The trailer for Lindsay Lohan's new movie, Labor Pains, is online. LL plays a publishing assistant who avoids getting fired by pretending to be pregnant. It looks almost barely funny. [People]

• Jon Voight is one of the few openly Republican celebrities at the RNC. He thinks John McCain is "an amazing guy." He says Sarah Palin was a "beautiful choice." He claims John McCain's 95-year-old mom is "tough as nails." [LA Times]
• Jennifer Lopez commissioned a book of nude photos of herself two weeks before she gave birth and gave it to hubby Mark Anthony. "I was like, how am I going to rock this moment of my life? I felt very womanly. Marc was in a dream. He loved it." [Star]
• This headline reads: "Sex Addict David Duchovny 'Cheated On Wife Tea Leoni For Years." Oh, dear. [Daily Mail]
• This report claims that Tea Leoni has been visiting Duchovny in rehab. [ONTD]
• More on Duchovny's "indiscretions" and Leoni's ultimatum: "Get treatment or our marriage is over." [Rush & Molloy]
• Paula Abdul loves her new American Idol cohost Kara DioGuardi, whom she met years before. Apparently the two have been hanging out in hotel rooms, going to dinner and sharing laughs about the old days in the music biz. Paula says: "The American Idol cast was such a boys club, now I have a true sister to share the fun with. It's been amazing." [Page Six]
• Star Jones has a new gentlemanfriend! They were seen kissing in the stands of the US Open. He's a chef! [People]
• Here's video of drunk Lily Allen on stage with Elton John at the GQ Awards. You can see her say, "Fuck off Elton," as previously discussed. [Perez Hilton]
• Entourage is coming back September 7, with special guest stars Leighton Meester and Tony Bennett. [Fox News]
• David Spade's a father: Playboy Playmate Jillian Grace gave birth to Spade's daughter Aug. 26 in Missouri. Back in January, Spade said: "I had a brief relationship with Jillian Grace. If it is true that I am the father of her child, then I will accept responsibility." Guess the test came back positive. [UPI]
• Yesterday, a judge dismissed most of a lawsuit filed by a woman who accused a paparazzi agency of secretly filming Heath Ledger doing drugs in her hotel room. She needs to amend her claims if she wants to get anywhere. [Yahoo News]
• Britney was busted for driving with an invalid license last year, and she might have to go to trial in October. [E!]
• Lynne Spears' new book says Britney started drinking at 13, lost her virginity at 14 and did drugs at 15. Gimme more! [News.com.au]
• Christina Aguilera's greatest hits CD — which features two new songs and rerecorded versions of two other hits — will be released only at Target. Can you believe it's been ten years since her first album? [USA Today]
• An in-depth look at Bono's do-gooding. [Wired]
• Blender magazine has named 2Pac the most overrated artist. Are they not afraid of getting shot? [Reuters]
• Headline of the day: "How Did Glamour Model Jordan Become A Bestselling Author When She Doesn't Even Write?" [Daily Mail]
• Earlier this year, 90210's Jennie Garth had a terrible family crisis: "I had this six months of hell," she says. "I had a sick daughter and then my father passed away, so there was a six month period in my life when I didn't think about my looks or my weight or my body or anything." Turns out her kid had a form of Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis but it's in remission now. [People]
• Mackenzie Philips was charged with cocaine and heroin possession yesterday after being arrested last week while going through airport security. Oh, she's also charged with unauthorized possession of a hypodermic needle. [Yahoo News]
• If you've got half a million dollars, check out the Jimi Hendrix, Beatles and Elvis memorabilia up for auction today. $900,000 will get you a scorched guitar that Jimi set on fire in London in March 1967! [AP]
• RIP Bill Melendez, the animator for Snoopy, Charlie Brown and other Peanuts characters. He met Peanuts creator Charles Schulz in 1959. The two became friends and Melendez was the only one authorized to animate his characters. [AP]
• "When I was 3, my dad thought it would be hilarious to teach me swear words, then have me say them to his friends. They would laugh and laugh. I realize now the laugh was pure shock value, but it felt really good, and I've been chasing it ever since." — Sarah Silverman in Rolling Stone. [Page Six]
• "My father saved my life. I probably wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him." — Britney Spears. [MSNBC]
• "You were the love of my life. I’ll always love you. You know that, baby." — Anne Hathaway's supposed parting words to Rafaello Follieri. [MSNBC]
• "I'm over being a pop star. I don't wanna be a hot girl. I wanna be iconic. And I feel like I've accomplished a lot. I feel like I'm highly respected, which is more important than any award or any amount of records. And I feel like there comes a point when being a pop star is not enough." — Beyoncé. [ET]
• "In Scotland I'm just like a lot of other guys. But in America I'm seen as a very strong, masculine guy. In Glasgow, you probably grow up faster. You have to deal with more shit, more realism. In LA, it's a superficial, perfect world. In Glasgow, you're expected to be a man - but it doesn't make you the perfect man. It makes you a man who's not able to talk about his feelings." — Hot Scot Gerard Butler. [Guardian]

• At VH1's Music Cares event, Mariah Carey's bodyguards busted into the ladies room and demanded everyone leave, but when one patron refused they told her, "You'd better not watch Mariah pee!" Umm, wasn't there a private stall? Or was she going to go crouch in the sink? [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Kate Hudson left new beau Dax Shephard at home when she went out the other night with supermarket magnate Ron Burkle and a couple of hot blondes. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Victoria's Secret model Gisele Bundchen is selling her 2-bedroom townhouse in the Village for $10.9 mil. That's expensive. But it has a party-sized hot tub! [Page Six]
  
• Queen Latifah gifted "a" girlfriend with a Range Rover topped with a big bow — kinda fancy present to girl just a friend, no? Queen, just come out already, we love ya. [Page Six]

• Diddy don't answer no questions. When a door-girl at Gold Bar dared to ask him how many people he was with, he called her a surly name and let himself through the velvet rope. Hey Diddy? Are you an a-hole? [Page Six]
• Audrina and Justin Bobby hanging out with droopy-balled Cisco Adler? Say it isn't so! [TMZ]
• For the record Britney did not ask a pap for a tampon when he joined her in a Quizno's bathroom — she just wanted to be escorted out. [TMZ]
• Usher's new fragrance made a woman faint at Cipriani. Does it smell like man-whore? [Gatecrasher]
• Ben Affleck took daughter Violet to the Children's Museum of Manhattan yesterday and she wanted to play on the big firetruck the whole time. Future firehouse groupie? We think so! [Gatcrasher]
• It's confirmed: Hottie Dylan McDermott has separated from his wife of 12 years, Shiva Rose. [People]
• We knew Oprah was rich. But not this rich. Forbes named her the highest paid TV celebrity, at $260 million a year, out-earning everyone from Jerry Seinfeld to Simon Cowell. Can we borrow $1.50? We could really use an ice coffee right now. [Reuters]
• America's Sweetheart Jennifer Aniston was once a loud-mouthed and boy crazy teenager . Just like Us! [Mirror]

[Los Angeles, July 19. Image via Flynet]

• Britney Spears is "doing all of her own business now" that she has cut ties with her manager, her mom, and her publicist. Good luck, honey! [PageSix]
  
• When it comes to Ashlee Simpson, Pete Wentz won't buy the cow when he's getting the calming milk for free. [PageSix]
  
• Although some other site we've never heard of says Ashlee is preggers and Pete popped the question! [PopCrunch]
  
• Oooh! Not so blind item! Someone was looking for Ecstasy and her name may or may not rhyme with Mindsay Mohan. [PageSix]

• Zac Efron once dyed his hair sliver. News you can use! [Rush&Molloy, 2nd item]
• Jessica Simpson spent her 27th birthday with her dog and her assistant, poor thing. [Rush&Molloy, 3rd item]
• Usher's biggest fan hates his fiancée. (Maybe because the knocked-up lady in question is 36 and the singer is 28?) [Gatecrasher, 1st item]
• Matt Damon: Thinks Hillary is smart, will probably vote for Obama, wishes he could vote for Gore. [Gatecrasher, 3rd item]
• Oooh, another blind item! No idea who it is, though, maybe you can help? "That very not-single songbird and that very famous basketball playa? I'm hearing the rumors are true." Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Dave Chappelle made a brief stop in the emergency room for exhaustion and dehydration. [E!]
• The Beckhams went to T.G.I. Friday's. [JustJared]
• Scary Spice claims her new man's cock is bigger than Eddie Murphy's. [TheSun]
• "Dranklets" - aka alcohol-monitoring bracelets - so hot right now! [WaPo]

Welcome to Midweek Madness, wherein we ruminate on how celebrities are just like us, in that we hate them commensurately to the degree we hate ourselves. In which we "read" the Wednesday tabs. So you don't "have" to.

Star
Star catches on to the whole Ellen Barkin is an asshole thing we've been crowing about ever since the actress talked all that crap about how Scarlett Johansson was going to look shitty when she got older. Now, apparently, Ellen is dissing her Ocean's 13 co-star Matt Damon for being "no Pacino". Sorry to say, but Ellen Barkin is too fucking old for this shit. The magazine also carries an "exclusive preview" (page 12) of a photo shoot a pre-hab Lindsay Lohan did for Los Angeles Confidential Magazine, which we guess is a real thing even though the photos are, like, about as flattering as those puke shots. Speaking of puking, the magazine says that Ashlee Simpson is never sober enough for anyone to know whether she's fucking or puking in the bathroom of Pete Wentz's bar Angels & Kings (page 18). Speaking of the underworked and overcompensated, the magazine takes us on a trip down memory lane with a feature on how shitty it is to live in the presence of such people. To wit: Lindsay Lohan tried to flood Harry Morton's apartment after their breakup, Lenny Kravitz somehow caused a $350,000 toilet overflow at his NYC pad and Puff Daddy pissed off Rosie O'Donnell by playing with fireworks (page 62). The magazine also follows up on its groundbreaking reporting of an unprotected sex session between Kevin Federline and Shar Jackson (page 47). Uh, what is Shar Jackson known for again? Just being one of those talentless fertile people sent by Satan to Hollywood to procreate with the stars and make for more complicated legal battles? Oh wait, no, that's K-Fed. Ugh.

US
The magazine that intern Maria calls the "New York Times of celebrity weeklies" gets the writing award for this opening paragraph: "Like two prizefighters meeting for a championship match, Britney Spears and her estranged mother, Lynne, arrived separately to the June 10 birthday party of 4-year-old Gavin Nassif". Oh yes, a veritable Rumble in the Jungle, that fourth birthday party! Apparently Lynne Spears is not as bad a mom as one would assume given, well, Lindsay Lohan? There are also pictures of Britney's elusive baby son Jayden — which we think is a really classy name — and a picture of Britney's sister Jamie Lynn eating ice cream with a boyfriend wearing a baseball cap and an Abercrombie & Fitch T-shirt (page 50). Tell me why they're famous again? Oh yeah, like us. The magazine also runs a pic of British singer/trainwreck Amy Winehouse sans "war paint." She's cute in a drama class sort of way. And US photo-editors plunk an image of Jennifer Aniston's face onto the body of Angelina Jolie in A Mighty Heart. Again, not for nothing do they call it "the New York Times of celebrity weeklies"! (Page 65).

InTouch
This week's issue asks whether Angelina Jolie is pregnant again, purely on the basis of the fact that last month, Angelina said she wanted to have another biological child. We would say the same thing we would say about Nicole Richie — you gotta ovulate to get pregnant! — except that Angie seems to be the "instant gratification" type, who when she wants to do something, doesn't fuck around. Oh and of course, the word of all those body language experts InTouch editors brought in to attest to Angelina's renewed affection for Brad Pitt? Always soooooooooo convincing. (Page 36).

Life & Style
Not much here! The magazine reveals that Paris Hilton suffers from "claustrophobia," for those of us who haven't heard of TMZ (page 31). We kind of resent having to look through this magazine. In fact, wait, we kind of resent our lives!

In Touch
Life & Style
Us Weekly
Star Magazine

Just after noon on March 25, Paula Abdul and a guy who looked a lot like beau Tony Schiena "were carrying on so much I thought they should get a room," says an eyewitness who spotted the duo. "She was rubbing his chest and kissing him," and whispering so loudly that"people were moving away from then because they were so much of a distraction." what's even more shocking is where this make-out episode took place: inside St. Cyril of Jerusalem Roman Catholic Church in Encino, Calif., during High Mass!

Later on, Paula gives new meaning to the term "High Mass" (Ed: If this is actually a term. We are Catholic, and we just called it "mass") by passing out in the arms of her South African beau, sleeping for awhile, then waking up, mid-sex dream we can only imagine, and stumbling out of church. Weirdest fact: it was the second time the pair has been spotted groping in the church. Freaks.
Also, this week's Star:

• Quotes Linds: "My motto is: Live Every Day to its fullest — in moderation!" (Just because she is not large doesn't mean she can't contain multitudes, folks!)
  
• Reports from the frontlines of Brangelina day care facility, where Angie is — surprise, surprise — not the other overprivileged kiddies' fave play date mom, thanks to her supposed decrees that other parents (and their two year olds, we can only presume) not "look" at Angelina or anyway, bring cameraphones. In the same package, an intriguing sidebar asks: "Is Maddox Mad At Pax?" We can think of a lot of demeaning jobs, but writing 300 words about whether a five-year-old stranger is jealous of a three-year-old stranger is, um, up there.

Meanwhile in other magazines:

Life & Style:

• profiles Howie Day, the supposed "beau" Brit met at Promises, is profiled in a piece headed 'Britney falls for another Bad-Boy Musician' — uh... like Jason Alexander? Howie has some sort of police record and allegedly had a hit single in 2005. Yawn. That goes for the rest of the magazine. But it's only $1.99!

US:

• Puts Tori Spelling and puny Spelling spawn on cover. Now there's a newsstand winner. The (fawning, but duh) story is penned by NYT Sunday Styles scribe Monica Corcoran, and it uses the word "frenetic" in the lede.
  
• Boycotts Brangelina — almost, relegating news (Of The World news, so it's sort of like "hearsay", but yeah, whatever) of a fourth "race balancing" Pitt Jolie adoption from Chad to a page 53 "Hot Stuff" item. That'll show em!
  
• Asks the question "So how did Spears transform herself so quickly?" Uh, transform? Apparently, 50% of readers think Britney has "bounced back."
  
• To be sure paragraph: Brit annoyed the fuck out of her partners in rehab.

InTouch:

• Reports Angelina has been losing weight and feeling "asexual," and restless, according to a "friend," by which we mean "frenemy," who also does a good job selling us on the idea that Angie is a bad mom: "She wants to be able to take off when she wants, where she wants, but she can't."
  
• Pronounces "Jen's Hotter Than Angie!" in a sidebar that further suggests that "it appears that she and her ex-husband's partner, Angelina Jolie, have switched places." (Mannn, the Brangelina beat writer ennui is practically beaming off the nine-point serif font of this story.)

Britney allegedly tries to kill herself in rehab [News of the World]

Meet the Antichrist [Wonkette]

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The Antichrist is supposed to come out of nowhere and have people

According to some apocryphal Bible texts the AC is supposed to be tall of stature, of handsome appearance with shining face, and well put together in all parts of his body...

Obama 1, Brit 0. While her face is probably shining from all the lack of bathing, the whole "well put together" part sorta knocks her out of the running.

According to Daniel, the AC will probably be either Jewish or atheist (probably both) and gay or a eunuch. "Neither shall he regard the God of his fathers, nor the desire of women, nor regard any god: for he shall magnify himself above all"

Obama 0, Brit 0, Sarah Silverman 1. Barack and Brit both have kids and convingly straight proclivities. If Brit turns out to be a Jew, though, maybe she is the AC.

According to Revelation, the Antichrist is supposed to make war with "saints." And it was given unto him to make war with the saints, and to overcome them: and power was given him over all kindreds, and tongues, and nations.

Obama 0, Brit 0.5. The universe that canonizes Cheney, Rumsfeld, Bush and the Clintons as "saints" would accept K-Fed as its lord and savior.

Britney Spears, once known as a singer, was the most searched person on Yahoo's site for the fifth time in six years (beaten out in 2004 by Paris Hilton). We know Brit's done some remarkable things lately—married a nobody, had two babies and is now divorcing her stinky husband—but can someone tell us what exactly is it that keeps people interested in this ho'? http://www.rte.ie/arts/2006/1205/spearsb.html

Don't be fooled by the tender tone taken by yet another why-can't-we-have-the-old-Britney-back online petition:

" We at BringBackBritney.com hold firm that a hosed-down, scantily clad Britney Spears is vital to the livelihood of millions of Americans. We will not sit silently as she sullies her persona in the public eye; that of a Kabbalah chasing, non seatbelt wearing, ovary farm for any two-bit backup dancer to take advantage of. This is not the Britney we hold in high regard."

It's just an advertizing gimmick for Madam Tussauds in Time Square, which is planning to wheel out a 'vintage' - pre-fat pre-fug - Britney waxwork this month.

Should be quite amusing watching the Britney fans fails to work that out over on the message boards, though.