At least Karen's fiancee had some balls and put her in check.


Not that his words worked, though. She was still rude to his relatives, who were kindly stopping by to welcome her to the family.


Take a look at their resulting "not tacky" wedding.

Karen loves talking about money and the amount that's spent on her. She's been bragging about her $7,500 wedding dress for the past two episodes, as though the price tag makes her appear "classy" rather than déclassé, and frankly, pound-foolish. During her final fitting, she noticed a snag and a stain on the gown, which were barely noticeable enough to show up on camera, and looked easy enough to fix. Still, she turned managed to take this whole stupid "bridezilla" thing to another level. It's actually surprising that she didn't shit herself in that dress. Nothing says money like emptying one's bowels on $7,500 worth of crinoline and satin.

1.) Synergy
Jon Gosselin's answer when asked for his thoughts on the Balloon Boy hoax:



We're thinking that Balloon Boy might give the same exact answer when asked for his thoughts on Jon Gosselin wiping out his family's bank account.

2.) Tricia Walsh-Smith threatened to walk off The Insider.
She didn't understand that people were telling her that she is smart.

BTW, why does The Insider consider Marla Maples part of "The Real First Wives Club"?

3.) "Tardy for the Party" is based on a true story.

Kim might have another hit on her hands, thanks to Jimmy Kimmel.

4.) A different type of tardy at the party
I love Kim's wasted face.

5.) The best excuse for tardiness
Courtesy of Bridezillas

6.) Spry seniors
Larry King's promo picture for his blog is awesome.

And this week, Elizabeth Taylor took Paris and Prince Jackson to Universal Studios theme park.

7.) Courtney Cox was a menstruation pioneer.

8.) What Al Reynolds is up to now
Musical theater-y things, regurgitating, and not being normal. His words, not mine.

9.) Tyra colonic
Last Friday, Tyra featured a colonic on her stage, which the host claimed was the First! Ever! Televised! Colonic! Except it wasn't. I remember Dave Navarro getting one on his reality show about his marriage to Carmen Electra. Tyra also said that a colonic was "the opposite of diarrhea." In fact, a colonic is the opposite of that. It is diarrhea, and it drips down your leg.

10.) A lesson on life from Judge Judy

• New data from Britain shows that the number of violent crimes committed by women has risen 81% in the last decade. Conservative politicians suggest that this is directly linked to a rise in binge drinking, which doesn't fully explain why the article is illustrated with a picture of a woman passed out drunk on a park bench. •  A woman spent her wedding night in a Spanish jail cell after she grabbed a cop by his neck and slapped him. The police officer was attempting to break up a fight that had broken out between members of the bride's family and relatives of the groom. We think this would make a great (read: horrible) rom-com, very Bridezillas meets Romeo and Juliet. • According to a recent study, pregnant lesbians are sick of being treated differently than heterosexual mothers. Researchers found that most lesbian couples have felt frustrated at some point or another with the uncomfortable way that midwives and doctors dealt with them. • Experts have disproved claims that Ida, a fossil recently discovered in Germany, was the missing piece that would link the evolutionary roots of monkeys, apes, and humans. In fact, Ida is the "about as far removed from the monkey-ape-human ancestry as a primate could be." • 

What is it about Staten Island weddings that drive people into insanity and a deluded sense of entitlement? In this clip, Karen explains her state of mind, "Thinking is a waste of time."

Earlier: Vintage True Life: Staten Island Wedding

1.) Who farted?
Bigger than the mystery of whether or not this whole thing was a publicity stunt is the mystery of which Heene family member's heinie gave a Bronx cheer.


Entertainment Tonight is all over this thing.


2.) Speaking of potty humor…
I love this girl.


3.) "Well, fuck you."


4.) 12¢ Cheeseburgers


5.) Wendy Williams fucked up a lot this week.
More than usual.


6.) This kook says she's spoken to Michael Jackson since he died.


7.) Balloon Boy will not steal Jon Gosselin's thunder!
This week Jon was, again, all over The Insider and Entertainment Tonight (which led to the lawsuit TLC filed against him today). After his appearance in court earlier this week, when a judge ordered him to return $180,000 he took from Kate and his children, Jon appeared tense. Here, he explains his clenched jaw.


Entertainment Tonight managed to get Rod Stewart's opinion on Jon, as though Rod is some kind of father of the year. (Rod's children have, in fact, been on reality TV, and one of them appeared on Celebrity Rehab, which is a giant parental fail.)


8.) Asians don't need Botox, according to Jon Gosselin.
But he would like to get new hair plugs.


9.) Jon is trying to distance himself from Michael Lohan.


And that's probably a good thing, considering that Lindsay's dad filmed an episode of Maury this week, which, as of yet, has no scheduled air date.


10.) 30 Rock is back!

LaDrienna was pretty terrible to the women in her bridal party, which seems to be par for the course with the brides on this show. Her attitude caused one of her bridesmaids to quip, "She's the bitch, bitch!"


LaDrienna made her bachelorette party a mandatory event for her bridesmaids. When four of them didn't show up, she kicked them out of the bridal party, because she was sick of the "bitchassness."

[Kursk, July 5. Image via Getty]

Brides run during a parade of fiancees in central Kursk on July 5, 2009. Some 500 brides took part in the parade. AFP PHOTO / STR (Photo credit should read STR/AFP/Getty Images)

Apparently silver and china are going the way of the Christmas bonus as openly acquisitive young marrieds ask their guests to cut the crap, make with the cash. Or, as the Wall Street Journal puts it, "new economic realities are now further shaping couples' priorities." Online registries have taken some of the gaucherie out of this approach; people were eased into the "cash" idea by making monetary contributions to the couple's honeymoons and paintings. Obviously, mortgages and 401Ks weren't far behind.Says one groomski,

"What the hell are we going to do with a $400 stand-up mixer?" he asks. Because the couple lives in a small one-bedroom apartment in New York, "everything we get for our wedding is doomed to spend at least three years in her parents' garage," he says.

Okay, spoken like a man who's never tried to make an angle food the old-fashioned way and so doesn't appreciate a KitchenAid (and apparently one with splatter guard, custom color and other bells for that price) but yes, nowadays couples tend to have tiny places and, more to the point, since we're marrying later, have been living alone long enough to have most of the basics.

The thing is, the happy couple aren't the only ones feeling the pinch anymore, and lots of guests would rather give a modest gift with some emotional significance than the equivalent, unimpressive amount in cash. Then too, to some this kind of open discussion of moolah is just plain distasteful. According to the piece, a lot of this comes down to geography: while the vulgarians in "New York and Los Angeles " might find it a pleasure doing business with you, Georgia traditionalists and those of "another generation" may balk. In any event, they advise discretion, sensitivity, tact and putting the dosh towards some tangible goal, so as not to give the impression that one is merely rolling around in money like a low-rent cartoon Midas.

If the suggestion that people contribute towards a car or a house reno is too romantic, check this out:

Scores of banks offer bridal savings accounts, which collect contributions toward dream homes — or other dreams. Some banks restrict the use of funds to down payments on a house as a way to bring in business to their mortgage arms. But institutions as wide-ranging as SunTrust Banks Inc., Bank of Utah, Community Financial Services Bank in Kentucky and Mercantile Bank in Illinois, Indiana and Missouri place no restrictions on how the funds can be used. Most charge no fees. Bank of Utah charges a $10 fee to open a bridal account, but it also offers matching funds of up to $300 for each account if the money is used for a house down payment...Another option: At least 19 credit unions currently offer accounts for accepting cash wedding gifts, according to the Filene Research Institute, a Madison, Wis.-based researcher of consumer-finance issues and the credit-union industry. These institutions market their service as MatriMoney, a name licensed by North Island Credit Union in San Diego. The credit-union accounts typically offer an annual interest rate and have no fees.

The philosophical questions can't help but intrude: are we getting more materialistic, or less? Is this the end of the "bridezilla" era, or just a craven permutation? A lot of people think of registries as a way of building a new life together, after all, acquiring future heirlooms, and there's a lot to be said for tradition in its place. But, really, maybe the gifts thing needs to be re-thought. After all, why should your guests have to finance your life? The wedding gift is really just a leftover from the days of dowries, except now your guests are expected to furnish your house and like it. Like so many wedding customs it's a relatively recent "tradition" that's come to be seen as inviolate. Sure, the altruistic among us might ask for a donation to a good cause, but the message is still clear: you will pay to attend our marriage, and you are not getting off cheap. If money's a measure of time, and economists tell me it is, we want to make people trade for the time we've invested, and this is philosophically dicey. Speaking as a guest, yes, I would resent giving a check, even as I'd understand the cut-the-pork practicalities behind it. And as a bride, I will be thrilled to get money. Which is a good argument against gifts. All this reminds me of the time my brother was doing volunteer work with some first-graders, each of whom was asked to write a poem about something he loved. Wrote my brother's assigned kid:

"I like money.
Money is green.
I can buy a machine.
I like money."

Nuff said.

Something Borrowed, Something Green [WSJ]

The Science Of When To Get Married [Daily Beast]
Two Months' Salary [Lee Gainer]

Let me start by saying this: I am not a wedding person. While I understand that for many people, a wedding day is a huge deal and a big celebration that they are willing to spend a lot of time and money on, and if that's your thing, good on you, I have never, in my life, dreamed about my wedding day. I may have dreamed about a giant Carvel Fudgie the Whale cake with "A Whale of a Wedding" scrawled on it, but that's about it.

Popular culture is currently filled with Wedding Mania: on any given Saturday, you can probably find at least 800 wedding shows dealing with everything from finding the perfect dress to throwing the perfect reception. Weddings have become a serious business: the average American couple spends at least $28,082 on a single day of celebrating, though one wonders if the economy tanking will finally put an end to such spending. But perhaps the worst part of Wedding Mania is that the true meaning of getting married gets lost.

For example: as soon as I started telling people I was engaged, they had two reactions: 1. "Let me see the ring!" and 2. "Have you set a date yet?!" I understand that these are the standard responses, though my boyfriend, er, fiance, was greeted by "Oh hey, awesome. Congrats," by comparison. For being an Officially Engaged Person of female variety, apparently, means that you're suddenly a walking date book and advertisement for a jewelry store. No longer are you Hortense, girl on the go! No! You're "bride-to-be, who has a big party to plan!" To which I say this: Fuck. That. Noise.

You heard me! Fuck that noise! For one thing, my engagement ring was a Cherry Ring Pop, which, btw, was what I said I wanted nine years ago in a random conversation with my now fiance, who remembered. No, he didn't go to Jared, ok? He went to the candy store. And for that, he rules your face.

Secondly, we DON'T have a date. Because we are busy, and we have lives, and we have only been engaged for a month and we don't feel like planning anything yet. And if we don't end up eloping, which we may, due to this insane pressure to plan plan plan that has suddenly been placed upon us by previously sane friends and family, we're going to throw a wedding/party our way. There will not be fancy invitations. There won't be Save the Date magnets. We're not posing for a couple's portrait at Sears, Mom, because we would NEVER pose for a couple's portrait, EVER, so please stop asking.

All I'm saying is, world, for some Officially Engaged People, the world does not revolve around our upcoming nuptials. Yes, we're excited. And we're happy that you're excited too. But some of us just want to do things our way. We go to your weddings and enjoy the open bar and celebrate your love in the way you've planned it out, so just let us do our own thing, okay? I know that weddings are mass-marketed, and there are expectations placed upon us that society thinks we need to meet, and I am not dumping on people who are really in love and celebrate it in the traditional way, like my older sister did and my younger sister plans to do because that's your thing and it's awesome, and your weddings were and will be fun and beautiful, but for fuck's sake, universe, some of us just don't feel like picking out table settings or touring country clubs or meeting with florists. What is an exciting time of planning and sharing for some couples is a total drag for others, dig?

I am still a go for that Fudgie the Whale cake though. Because that's just classy.

With This Dress I Thee Wed And Wed And Wed [NYTimes]

So, I went to this thing with Anna. I'm a confirmed bachelorette, and although Anna is engaged, she's forgoing the big wedding thing in favor of eloping. Needless to say, we walked in there a leetle bit biased, which didn't help matters when the first thing I set my eyes on was this NYC trash can, tastefully lined with linen.

I mean, come on. Was it really that much of an eyesore? On the other hand, I wonder if it was some kind of subliminal message like, "See, we can turn trash into class. Let us do that to you!"

Speaking of trash, when I went into the bathroom, I saw this:

Yeah, that's period blood, folks. At least whomever it was won't be having to shop in the maternity section for her white dress.

Okay, so maybe it was the free booze and food, but I sorta loved the whole thing. I was super hungry, and they had these miniburgers and little lobster cups and some kind of cured meat roll. At one point, when I was at one of the cake tasting stations, shoveling a slice of chocolate and strawberry heaven into my mouth, I dropped a chunk on the table. I picked it up, with every intention of putting it in my mouth, but the woman working the booth kinda gave me a look like, "Please don't," so I handed it over to her and she disposed of it.

So here's what struck me most about the whole event: On one side of the room, there were services offering pre-wedding diet plans and food delivery services so that brides can, as the David Kirsch brochure proclaimed,"feel like the most beautiful woman in the room". On the other side, there were catering companies. The diet tables were empty. Everyone was mobbing the the lobster cup lady. (She also had green gazpacho.)

At one table, a group of women were giving out promotional T-shirts and boxers for whatever service they provide. [Wedding dress design. -Ed.] We tried to get one, but they only had XS available. It turns out that wedding showcases are just as confusing when it comes to the expectations of body image as, well, anything else in life, really. All the dresses on the racks were size 0 as well.

This was kinda awesome. They had free massages:

And they had this photo booth there, as an idea of something brides can rent for their receptions:

The goodie bag was sick, full of all kinds of beauty products from Redken and Crabtree & Evelyn, a cake server from Oneida, a bottle opener that looked like a shoe, lots of gift certificates, and a free session of ballroom dancing lessons.

The most ridiculous person we talked to had to be the woman from Disney's Couture Wedding Collection, a destination wedding service provided by Disney for which they put together cookie-cutter wedding packages at one of their Florida resorts. The package includes decorations, food, and rental of the space. It does not include the price of a dress, or anyone's hotel rooms. (The Disney rep also made no mention of booze, so it's probably an add-on.) The starting price for a destination wedding for you and 50 friends? $75,000. I think I deserved a goddamn medal for not laughing in that lady's face right there.

So, did going to the Weddings Showcase change my mind about having a big special day of my own? I mean, I doubt I'll ever find that kind of money to spend on getting my idiot friends drunk for one night. (Especially when Jell-O shots with Georgi vodka tend to do the trick quite well.) But my motto in life is never say never, because I always said I'd never have anal sex, and well, now sometimes I do. So maybe one day, I'll suddenly decide I want to spend my life with one person and have a big open bar party to celebrate that. Hey, it couldn't hurt much more than getting fucked in the ass.

Related: Gal Who Proposed In Daily News Gets Big "Yes" From Her Guy [NY Daily News]

With its rude, slutty and unapologetic programming, Oxygen is clearly Samantha. Strippers fellating beer bottles, plastic surgery advocating Janice Dickinson and her modeling agency, and re-runs of Absolutely Fabulous just scream Samantha with their combination of glitter, foul mouths and trash. (Remember when Carrie caught Samantha blowing the UPS guy? Total Oxygen material.)

Wedding-obsessed WE: Women's Entertainment is Charlotte. WE has four shows devoted to the wedding-industrial complex: Bridezillas, Platinum Weddings, My Big, Fat Fabulous Wedding, and Rich Bride, Poor Bride. [Jesus. -Ed.] WE also reflects Charlotte's overwhelming sense of entitlement (of course she deserved a multimillion dollar Park Avenue apartment as compensation for a failed marriage!). Of WE's newest offering, Party Mama$, Patterson opines, the level of entitlement has "previously [been] seen only on MTV's My Super Sweet 16".

Finally, Lifetime, the old guard of women's television channels, is Carrie. Lifetime has a serious side, like Carrie, with its made-for-TV movies about "terminal diseases and/or children in peril." But, as Patterson says, Lifetime is "quaint and mildly daffy," with its Will & Grace reruns and embrace of psychics. Just like Carrie, who enjoys a "mildly daffy" pun, loves hanging out with her main gay Stanford, and is always wearing those mystical head wraps!

But whither Miranda? Where's the kind of judgmental, career woman-oriented programming? I guess Star Jones does have that show on Court TV, and Miranda does say the phrase "I'm a lawyer," at least once per episode, but it's not really a perfect match. Television executives take note! A major hole in lady viewing must be filled post-haste!

Who's the Fairest of Them All?: A comparison of all of the women's television network [Slate]

Earlier: Bad Girls Club: Stripper Mom and Porn Star Have Threesome With Dude

And three months later, she had another full-blown seizure. "A neurologist diagnosed me with epilepsy and said the condition had been triggered by all the stress I'd been under," she says. This bride is now on medication for life. Feel free to forward this to your engaged friend who is losing her mind. Subject line: Calm the fuck down.

Bridezilla: I Was So Obsessed With My Wedding Day [Mirror]

[Paris, July 6. Image via Splash]