(Click on any image to begin gallery view)

Ariel: Verdict: Wow. They're all sea-colored. Deep.

Belle: Verdict: At least one is yellow like the dress Belle danced with the Beast in.

Cinderella: Verdict: Perfect for wicked stepsisters.

Jasmine: Verdict: Just me, or does this model sorta look like Atoosa Rubenstein?

Sleeping Beauty: Verdict: But no way in hell would the 'Toos wear one of these short flouncy things. Maybe the long black one though? She does have a goth side.

Snow White: Verdict: Oh now I remember: Hair as black as coal, lips as red as cherries, skin as white as snow.

Earlier: Disney Bridal: For The Fairy Princess In None Of Us

• 1. Vera Wang: All I can think of when I see this is Chris and Christian (aka Team Fierce's) "avant-garde" look from Project Runway two weeks ago. It's way too trendy for Jenna and a Texas country wedding. This is a Southern sorority girl we're talking about, here.
  
• 2. J. Mendel: This tiered look screams "I'm pregnant and don't want daddy to know"!
  
• 3. Arnold Scaasi: Could this dress be any more old-school? Whatever Laura wore to marry Georgie Porgy probably looked a whole lot like this. (It's probably what his Barbara wore in her wedding to George, Sr. too.) Jenna may be a Republican, but she's not old. She needs contemporary conservative. Not to be confused, of course, with "compassionate conservative".
  
• 4. Carlos Miele: I can imagine Jenna in something like this; the strapless look is so traditional, and the bottom is full without being princess-y. (Jenna did teach children in South America; she's of the people!) One problem: Jenna's figure can come across as a little square, and this dress may not play up her curves.
  
• 5. Amsale: The girl can drink her Secret Service detail under the table. No way in hell is she going to wear a dress strewn with flowers.
  
• 6. Carmen Marc Valvo: Ooh, cool and modern without trying too hard; no avant-garde aspirations. Just stylish. And thus, possibly too good for Jenna. (See: Southern sorority girl, drinks like a fish, above.)
  
• 7. Angel Sanchez: Interesting detailing in the front, but those spaghetti straps won't be doing Jenna any favors. Pass.
  
• 8. Badgley Mischka: We have a winner! This dress has traditional styling, old-school glamour, romance, and class. And the White House can use all the class it can spin.
  
• 9. Nicole Miller: The bustle in the back, draping across the front, and underlayers peeking out look old-fashioned, but not in a cool, vintage way. Too dated for an all-American party girl.
  
• 10. Lela Rose: The scoop neck is unexpected and modern, but it just might be a little too fashion-forward for the stiff-necked blueblood Bush clan.
  11. Marc Bouwer: This shape might have looked good when Audrey Hepburn played Eliza Doolittle, but Jenna Bush, my friends, is no Audrey Hepburn. (Or John Kennedy.)
  
• 12. Oscar de la Renta: Strikingly similar to the Badgley Mischka gown, this one is a teensy bit more sophisticated. And Jenna Bush just doesn't scream "sophistication."

Though James Mischka of Badgley Mischka insists that "trends today are much kinder to the bridesmaids than they ever were before" and Mark Badgley backs him up by saying, "The look these days is much more casual," I don't believe it at all. (Seriously, have you checked out bridal "guru" Vera Wang's latest maids' concoctions? I threw up a little in my mouth just looking!) Most brides are still shoving their so-called best-friends in pastel confections that you would not wish upon your worst, ugliest enemy. Tom Nardone, the founder of Uglydress.com, points out that, in their state of nuptial-planning hysteria, "Brides will choose a dress the same way they choose the cake, the chair covers and, especially, the flowers. That's why you get necklines that match the contours of the calla lilies."

Some say, that, when it comes to bridesmaid garb, times are changing — "Girls...want more fashion-forward looks," says Francesca Pitera, the chief designer for Jim Hjelm, a New York bridal house — but I can't help but think this is just another version of the same problem. Ok, fine: Maybe you don't have to wear a baby blue damask silk gown which hangs at the natural waist and has crepe flowers blooming out of the shoulders, but are you really going to feel much better when you see yourself in a picture of the bridal party in 20 years time, bedecked in a burnt-orange baby doll dress? Or a royal purple bubble hem? Because while fashion will always yield cringe-inducing trends laughed at in personal snapshots and such, bridal-party wear is well-documented enough that everyone and their mother gets to have a laugh.

27 Dresses: A Costume Designer's Dream [Reuters]
The Bride Made Me Buy This [NY Times]