[Cockermouth, England; November 24. Image via Getty]

A woman clears damaged stock from a bridal shop in Cockermouth, north-west England, on November 24, 2009. David Cameron visited Tuesday the town of Cockermouth in Cumbria and witnessed the devastation caused by 'a flood of biblical proportions'. Following a tour around the Fire and Rescue headquarters in the town the Conservative Party leader pledged that if he won the next general election, he would fully support the flood-hit community. AFP PHOTO/Paul Ellis (Photo credit should read PAUL ELLIS/AFP/Getty Images)

[Sydney, October 29. Image via Getty]

Women dressed in bridal gowns have fun as they take part in a promotion for the release of the Australian movie 'The Marriage of Figaro' in Sydney on October 29, 2009. The movie being released on October 29 tells the story of Fig, a knockabout Aussie bloke who loves his lady, his two kids and his Harley bike, although not necessarily in that order. AFP PHOTO / Greg WOOD (Photo credit should read GREG WOOD/AFP/Getty Images)

• New data from Britain shows that the number of violent crimes committed by women has risen 81% in the last decade. Conservative politicians suggest that this is directly linked to a rise in binge drinking, which doesn't fully explain why the article is illustrated with a picture of a woman passed out drunk on a park bench. •  A woman spent her wedding night in a Spanish jail cell after she grabbed a cop by his neck and slapped him. The police officer was attempting to break up a fight that had broken out between members of the bride's family and relatives of the groom. We think this would make a great (read: horrible) rom-com, very Bridezillas meets Romeo and Juliet. • According to a recent study, pregnant lesbians are sick of being treated differently than heterosexual mothers. Researchers found that most lesbian couples have felt frustrated at some point or another with the uncomfortable way that midwives and doctors dealt with them. • Experts have disproved claims that Ida, a fossil recently discovered in Germany, was the missing piece that would link the evolutionary roots of monkeys, apes, and humans. In fact, Ida is the "about as far removed from the monkey-ape-human ancestry as a primate could be." • 

I suppose if the couple is both into the idea, that's one thing, but there is something incredibly creepy about a few of these pictures, especially the ones like this shot, which involve a bride sleeping in a box, waiting to be "played with" by the groom:



Not only does she look like a toy waiting to be "handled," she also looks, well, dead. Not exactly the most romantic shot of all time. There are also shots like this:



And this:



And this:



The photos, while seemingly done just for fun, objectify the bride and show a visual imbalance of power and a Cullen-like desire for control; the bride is reduced to a toy, someone unequal, easily manipulated, and dependent on her groom for all things. While it may seem funny at first glance, the subtext is pretty hard to laugh at. So what say you, Commenters? Funny, creepy, or perhaps a bit of both?

Bizarre Wedding Photo Trend: Miniature Brides [Tacky Weddings]

As Sadie mentioned yesterday, a Minnesota couple named Jill and Kevin saw their wacky aisle procession (a choreographed dance to Chris Brown's "Forever,") quickly go viral, earning them over a million hits on YouTube, as well as invitations to several high-profile morning news programs, including the Today show.

But Jill and Kevin aren't the first couple to see their wedding go viral: a couple posting a clip from their reception wherein the entire wedding party dances to Thriller has received over nine million hits since 2006, and a couple who surprised their guests by busting out a routine to "Baby Got Back" during their first dance has received over seven million hits since 2007. Yet another couple pulled a similar stunt in 2008, to Flo Rida's "Low." And of course, there are the other wacky wedding stunts, like the "light up wedding dress," and the evolution of a wedding dance, which have brought in tons of hits as well.

All of this makes me wonder if perhaps these elaborate wedding routines are being done for the friends and family of the bride and groom, or, perhaps, if they are being done specifically for viral video purposes. I'm inclined to think it's a little from Column A, a little from Column B: you get to have fun and entertain your friends in person, and then perhaps get a little internet celebrity out of it, to boot. In rough economic times, you may not be able to throw the glitziest wedding, but you can still make your way to the Today show just by posting a clip of your friends being goofy on your wedding day. I suspect we'll be seeing a lot of more of these videos over the next year or so, or at least until the next big wedding fad comes along, which could be refreshing or exhausting, depending on how many people decide to try to make their first dance an internet sensation.

Earlier: Moving, Awesome Wedding Dance Video Goes Wide On Web, Morning TV

In his article "Do men really want to get married?" Alex Wellen discovers that, in fact, contrary to popular belief (?) some do. ""Real men" are perceived as committing "till death do us part" for the wrong reasons — they marry out of convenience or under duress, and they acquiesce, kicking and screaming all the way to the altar." Then he gives us a bunch of cases in which guys decided they wanted to get married. One guy realized he did when his dad suggested it. Another discovered he was committed when his girlfriend helped him through a rough time. A third had to deal with a drug addiction.

They're nice to read, as all happy endings are, but it makes me depressed to think that "some men actually choose to get married!" is really that much of a revelation to people. (By extension, I suppose, a voluntarily single dame would be equally noteworthy.) While it's naturally understood that guys have to marry to continue the familial line, produce heirs, strengthen alliances, and fatten the family coffers by means of advantageous marriage, we did realize that a few enter into the state willingly. And by the way, we're assuming this argument is limited to "heterosexual men," since the past year has shown no shortage of gay men eager to make things legal with their partner. Don't get me wrong: bully on all these fellas and I wish them happy. But even as it serves to refute the hoary stereotype, this piece is reinforcing it by knocking down an antiquated rom-com-worthy straw man.

Do Men Really Want To Get Married? [CNN]

[Baghdad, July 6. Image via Getty]

A Shiite Muslim Iraqi bride looks over during a mass wedding in the stadium at Baghdad University, part of the celebrations for the birth of Imam Ali, the son-in-law and cousin of the Prophet Mohammed, late July 06, 2009. The wedding of some 500 couples was organized and paid for by the SCIRI (Supreme Islamic Council of Iraq) with a wedding gift also presented to each newly wed couple. AFP PHOTO / AHMAD AL-RUBAYE (Photo credit should read AHMAD AL-RUBAYE/AFP/Getty Images)

[Kursk, July 5. Image via Getty]

Brides run during a parade of fiancees in central Kursk on July 5, 2009. Some 500 brides took part in the parade. AFP PHOTO / STR (Photo credit should read STR/AFP/Getty Images)

[Karachi, Pakistan; June 5. Image via >Getty]

Pakistani brides sit during a mass marriage ceremony in Karachi on June 5, 2009. The government of Pakistan's southern Sindh province organised the mass marriage of 180 couples in the port city of Karachi as a bid to discourage dowry culture and help poor families who find it hard to get their girls married. AFP PHOTO/Rizwan TABASSUM (Photo credit should read RIZWAN TABASSUM/AFP/Getty Images)

[Bucharest, May 17. Image via Getty]

Romanian women wearing bridal dresses pose in front of the parliament in the center of Bucharest during the Bride Parade on May 17, 2009. Around 100 brides took part in the event organized by a wedding photographer and a bridal wear fashion designer to promote marriage as one of the most glamorous events of a lifetime. AFP PHOTO / DANIEL MIHAILESCU (Photo credit should read DANIEL MIHAILESCU/AFP/Getty Images)

The insanity of wedding culture that has swept across the country over the past 10-15 years is a ridiculously easy target for mockery, especially in these economic times: the elaborate parties that once may have seem necessary and grand now seem stupid and a bit foolish: with student loans, mortgages, and credit card bills to pay, should the average bride still be spending over 20,000 on one party?

I admit to being annoyed by wedding culture; not necessarily the women who embrace it, but the system itself, which appears to be designed to drive women slightly mad in the attempt to have a "perfect day." I recognize that this is just my stupid opinion on these things, however, and do understand that for many women, a wedding day is something they've always been excited to plan and something they are quite happy to obsess over. Everyone has their ways of looking at these things, I suppose. What may be torture for me might just be exhilarating for someone else.

However, I have to say, the thing that annoys me even more than traditional wedding culture is the "offbeat bride" phenomenon, which celebrates couples who choose to avoid your standard wedding fare for something a bit more unique and personal. But does it really? I mean, really? If you're still spending money and many, many hours creating an "offbeat" wedding, does it really make you any different than the woman doing the exact same thing, using "traditional" materials? It seems to be a method of embracing the wedding madness while putting up a front that you're not like those "other" brides who are wasting their time at David's Bridal and picking out proper linen tablecloths. But if you're still picking out a venue, a dress, a DJ, a type of "wacky" cake, and hip decorations, you're pretty much going through the same motions as "traditional" brides, right? Can anyone who has thrown an "offbeat" wedding clarify this for me? Because I admit, at this point, I'm having a hard time really seeing the difference between the two; something that is due to the fact that weddings, no matter how you decorate them, have the same basic structure: ceremony/reception. It's a bit hard to break free from that pattern, no matter how you dress it up.

In fact, more "traditional" brides are going for "offbeat" methods, as the trend shifts from elaborate ceremonies to personal ones: "DIY is coming into play more often in response to the fact that more people are concerned about where their dollar is going," Knot editor Anja Winikka tells the Los Angeles Times, noting that many brides are opting for cheaper, more personalized options, and according to Susan Carpenter of the Times, princess-type wedding dresses are falling out of fashion, as brides simplify their ceremonies due to the withering economy. Carpenter writes: "Pouf is passé. Slim is stylish, and so are soft lace, flowing fabrics and focused embellishment. The everywhere, over-the-top beading and embroidery of recent years? That's gone, for the most part, in favor of simple adornments on a shoulder, sleeve or waistline."

I'm not sure we can count out the princess dresses or the elaborate ceremonies just yet, however: for many brides, their "special day" is an incredibly personal event that doesn't necessarily have to follow fashion patterns or traditional means. In fact, I think it is getting harder and harder to tell where a traditional wedding ends, and an "offbeat" wedding begins, as the two are becoming more and more aligned under economic pressures to be thrifty but clever, beautiful but unique, and based more on the reason for the ceremony—love—than the actual ceremony itself.

Perhaps we should just forget weddings altogether and take Elizabeth Taylor's advice?

[Image via Ugly Dress.com]

A Wedding With All The Budget Trimmings [LATimes]
Wedding Dresses Go Back To Basics [LATimes]

However, I was still distracted by the open bar. I guess some things never change.

Like the garbage cans at the event. They were elegantly draped in linen just like last year.

2009:

2008:

I went with my mom, fiancé (hate that word still), fiancé's mom, my BFF since high school who's one of my bridesmaids and who just got engaged a few weeks ago, and my BFF's mom.

Once my mom and dad got involved in the planning for this wedding, it got so far away from the small, intimate evening I'd envisioned, and is quickly turning into the kind of giant circus wedding—with relatives I haven't seen since I've menstruated for the first time popping up on the guest list—that I really had no interest in. But they're paying for the party, so it's kind of more their thing, than mine, at this point. I haven't put much thought into any of the planning, beyond having booked the venue and the photographer (who's a friend of my fiancé's). I haven't even tried on a single dress.

Speaking of dresses, there were a ton of them on body forms at the wedding showcase. And they were all strapless. I hate that 98% of wedding dresses are strapless and the other 2% are sleeveless.

Anyway, just like last year, I was mostly interested in drinking free wine and eating free hors d'oeuvres and cakes. However, this year, I took the time to fill out all the different raffle cards to win free shit like flowers, makeup, and discounts from various vendors. (My mom kept every pen from each booth she filled a raffle card at, saying, "It's all freebies here," despite the fact that they were Bic pens without caps or a promo printing.)

The thing is though, since the venue I'm using includes catering and the cake, and requires that I use one of their florists, and since I'll probably end up designing invitations, the only vendor to shop for was maybe some form of entertainment, like a band or a DJ.

The one thing that I knew I wanted was to find a string quartet who could play Mariah Carey songs (or at the very least, "Fantasy") leading up to the ceremony and during the cocktail hour. I did find an awesome company at the showcase called Orchestrations, that can turn any song into a string arrangement and provide you with musicians to play it. However, when I asked the woman at the booth about prices, she wouldn't give me any quotes, but assured me that they could work with "any budget." I know how that goes, though: Unaffordable!

After working half the room, I was hot, exhausted, annoyed, and ache-y from lugging around my goodie bag which weighed a whopping 12.5 lbs. (I put it on my scale.)

It was so crowded, and I was sick of being pushed and shoved by frenzied women with flat-ironed hair, wearing their huge purses in the crooks of their elbows. I felt like I was at the mall on the weekend before Christmas. I wanted to get out of there.

I still maintained a sense of humor—or perhaps delirium—because I found this hilarious:

Heh. Seamen.

I don't plan on wearing a veil, but I tried one on for shits and giggles, and before I knew it, the five people I was with each whipped out their own camera to take my picture.

When I put it back on the rack I saw that it was $1000, and it was one of the cheaper ones of the bunch.

We were there for about two and half hours, and I knew it was time to leave. When I got home, I rifled through my goodie bag.

It included:

• 2 copies of New York magazine
• 2 hardcover books (A Great American Cook by Jonathan Waxman and the novel A Bad Bride's Tale by Polly Williams)
• Chestnut cake mix
• A bottle of water
• Redken straightening spray
• Kenneth shampoo and conditioner
• A crystal keychain
• Measuring tape and a $50 gift card to M&J trimming
• Lavilin deodorant cream
• Korres watermelon-scented, 30 SPF face sunscreen
• Peanut butter crunch Full Bar
• Victoria's Secret makeup bag with perfume and lip gloss
• 2 chocolate bars
• 2 bottles of Milani nail polish, French manicure colors
• Milani eyeshadow and brown lip gloss (which would not be approved by Ashely from Rock of Love Bus)
• 3 different containers of mints
• A brownie and some kind of white chocolate candy
• Sewing kit
• YSL mascara
• Gift certificate for a facial peel
• 20% off of cosmetic surgery, Lasik, Smartlipo, Botox, laser hair removal, Juvederm, Restylane, or a prescription for longer, darker, fuller lashes
• About three million coupons and flyers

• 
  
  It also had a Fashion Forms Bridal Kit that has dress and lingerie tapes, one size extreme silicone adhesive body bra, silicone gel petals, one size thong, and a garter.

  I was interested to see what a "one size thong" looked like. It's officially the first thong I've ever owned.
  
  
  
  
  

  The "extreme adhesive body bra" looked two fallopian tubes away from a uterus.
  
  
  
  
  

  Which was perfect, since the silicone gel petals look like a form of contraception.
  
  
  
  
  

  They feel really nice, though. I've been squishing them all day, like they're stress balls. I anticipate getting much use out of them, that way, over the next few months.

  Last year, I said that the wedding showcase didn't really sway me either way, on whether or not I wanted to have a wedding of my own, and compared it to anal sex: I always said I'd never take it in the rear; now, sometimes I do. I figured that planning an open bar party to celebrate spending the rest of my life with one person couldn't hurt more than getting fucked in the ass.

  And it doesn't. But there's a lot more shit involved.

  Earlier: Single Slut Crashes New York Weddings Showcase

Of course, it's really nothing new: Weddings have always divided unequally into the spendthrift and the bargain-seeker varietals, and for the latter sort of person, the confluence of expenses, haggling and finagling provides an unprecedented perfect opportunity to use a lifetime's know-how. Such people were in bargain-hunting clover before the recession, and will be afterwards. It's the rest who are causing wedding purveyors to sweat: The recession is catching up with the wedding industry, as brides start cutting costs and looking for budget solutions. Says AdAge,

Industry experts say they are beginning to see longer engagements and more cohabitation, as couples look to save up for the big day. And, when the big day does come, brides and wedding vendors report spending is down. For a category that has been enjoying boom times, the news is far from welcome.

As a result, events like Filene's notorious "Running of the Brides" discount gown sale are becoming increasingly common. This past week, a Boston Goodwill had a two-day bridal gown blowout, described by the Times as, "about 1,200 designer dresses donated by a local retailer and valued at as much as $7,000 for a single dress would be sold for $80 to $250." Although the store expected major crowds, the turnout was disappointing.

The upshot of this, however, doesn't seem like people are reassessing their priorities, so much as reorganizing them: and apparently making arguably important decisions on things like "longer engagements and more cohabitation" around the elaborateness of their weddings. Lately, we've heard there's a new vogue for elopement, but I'd be curious to see whether those couples wouldn't have opted for something low-key in any event. While for some of us delinquent brides the economy might provide a handy excuse for keeping things modest, anyone who's been raised on the white wedding ideal — or, more to the point, comes from a family where such a thing is a necessity — isn't going to settle for City Hall.

As we know, weddings are pricey for guests, too — gifts, transport, hotels and togs add up, and that's not even talking wedding party members — so you'd think most attendees would welcome a return to modesty, too. Speaking as an incompetent bride, I can only say that in the past nine months people's attitudes — at least their vocal ones — have changed considerably. Whereas a year ago people acted aghast when I mentioned elopement, apparently unconcerned by the fact that it was a financial strain on me and my family and totally unembarrassed to declare that we "owed" the expenditure to various relatives, now one has only to evoke the "E" word and people fall respectfully silent. A silver lining? Of a sort — and when you think about it, maybe some of these longer engagements aren't such a terrible idea, either. But when an industry that's supposed to be "recession-proof" is feeling the pinch - and overbearing second-cousins are falling quiet on your failure to produce a hen weekend — well, we know it's serious.

For Richer or Poorer: Wedding Spending Now [AdAge]
A Sale to Benefit Charity and Thrifty Brides-to-Be [NY Times]

The idea is pretty self-explanatory: the webmaster culls the worst of the worst from magazines, the web, old family photos, and reader tips for our delectation. The headline, "All things heinous, trashy, and hilarious in weddings!" kind of says it all. Some of the faces are blurred, although it's unclear exactly what the rationale is.

Yeah, some of it's eye-popping, and if nothing else you'll come away marveling at the wide variety of tastes and interpretations of beauty and elegance in this great world of ours. I'm sure some people sent in their own pictures. But if you're a softie like me, after looking at a few you'll feel bad. After all, most of these brides and grooms look happy, are delighted with their weddings and clearly put thought and work into them. What's more, it seems cruel to feature them without permission (not like they'd give it.) Celebs or reality TV mavens putting themselves out there for public consumption is one thing; the vast majority of these people are anything but.

I do realize that this Pollyanna-ish view runs counter to the whole esprit of the Internet, and indeed, of our times, which take particular pleasure in lampooning The Wedding and the feminine madness it implies. And it's a logical idea for a site! But at the end of the day, mocking others' tastes is a delicate matter; our aesthetics are such a product of influences, socioeconomic backgrounds, family traditions, regional differences that applying an objective standard to ordinary folks' weddings is a slippery slope, and can easily degenerate into something uncomfortable. Maybe because I'm currently attempting to plan a wedding and find the process completely intimidating, I can't look at one of these without thinking how much planning and cost went into each choice. But all that said: those yellow and brown '70s bridesmaids dresses are pretty incredible.

Site of the Day: Tacky Weddings [EW]
Tacky Weddings

InStyle Weddings "Smart and Chic Ways to Save." "Which Big Screen Bride are You?" A quiz allows you to find out which Bride Wars character you are. "Are you the first of your friends to rock gutsy statement necklaces or ruffled blouses? Are you willing to drop big bucks on the latest fashions? You are…the individualist." A bunch of bridal shoes are covered in rhinestones. Are various splurges "worth it?" Apparently this whale cake is (Fig 1) because it doubles as décor! Never skimp on photography or catering: "the food is the heart of the event," says some wedding planner. "Season's Eatings: Take a cue from the calendar for a wedding cake as delicious on the inside as it is gorgeous on the outside." The summer cake is paisley. (Fig 2) And: "the citrus in the yuzu brightens up the richness of the ganache, making it a perfect flavor for spring." A bunch of really expensive rings (Fig 3). Colors "beyond pink and brown." Black Eyed Pea Jaime "Taboo" Gomez marries his fashionista bride Jaymie Dizon. (Fig 4)"The newlyweds cruised in a Rolls-Royce Phantom to the Biltmore Hotel in Santa Clara. As a nod to Taboo's Mexican heritage. A mariachi band sang to the 200 guests during cocktail hour; a Filipino folk dance honored Dizon's birthplace. Later, singer and friend Frankie J performed Extreme's power ballad "More Than Words" as the couple led their mothers onto the dance floor." Timbaland and Monique Idlett had a "Heaven-and-Earth" themed wedding on some private island. Comedian Arden Myrin and her husband had the guests in "peals of laughter" with their "cheeky vows." Later, they "amused guests with a choreographed dance routine to Scissor Sisters ‘I Don't Feel Like Dancin.'" Grade: C - Miller Hi-Life, "the Champagne of Beers."

Brides "396 Ideas to Love." "Best Bridal Shower Games: Once the presents are opened and the quiche is gone, how you gonna keep them entertained?" Why, with "Vow Mad Libs," "Wedding-Movie Charades" and "Paper Bride." (?) Later, "two brides sound off" on whether destination weddings are selfish. Yes! "A destination wedding robs your guests of two precious commodities: money and time." No! "Seventy-five made the trip, and 75 left with memories that were about more than just us. We consider it our gift to them." Later, "brides tell all" about wedding waterworks. "Sniffling, ministers, sobbing grooms – here's who's crying at wedding." Among others? "My tough-boy teen brother was sobbing as my dad got choked up during his toast. Afterward, a friend came over and said, ‘You better go hug your brother – he just learned real men do cry.'" Gown in "tactile fabrics" apparently mean a selection of Dune costumes (Fig. 5) "The Four Seasons" of table décor involve plaid tablecloths (Spring), crystal-studded chair covers. Grade: C+ (Cook's Champagne)

Martha Stewart Weddings "In Love With Color." "To Her, With Love" asks what kind of expensive gift your bridesmaids deserve. Is she the "luxe girl?" (cashmere underpants), the "hopeless romantic?" (soap), "the gourmand?" (salt) or "the technophile?" (python gadget cases.) "Bows Arts: Is there anything more apropos than bows - in all shapes and sizes - for the day you TIE THE KNOT?" Very complicated bow diagrams follow. "A Taste for Color" involves some very unappetizing - but colorful! - cakes, which "wear their colors and flavors beautifully." This green guy ( Fig 6) involves "fondant molding cast from architectural reliefs...inspired by the interiors of neo-classical architect Robert Adam." Next: "A New York City bride heads south to marry her country-music groom in an eco-friendly wedding that mixes downtown chic with down-home charm." Guests receive tree saplings and chocolate banjos. (Fig 7) In "Sew in Love," "a fabric-store owner and a musician meet, bond, and FALL IN LOVE. Before they know it, they've woven a life together." Get it?! The wedding has a craftsy theme and involves much fabric. Designing "on a dime?" Why not make everything at the wedding yourself out of "scrapbooking paper?" Yes, the story's called "to have and to fold." Grade: B (Korbel)

Modern Bride 620 Truly Unique Ideas "Shop for Your Wedding at the Supermarket" with pre-fab cupcakes, a stuffed animal ring pillow (Fig 7), and "welcome bags" containing seeds, Altoids and lottery tickets. In a flower pot. Brides ask, "How can I save without looking like I'm skimping?" (Hint: avoid giving your guests Altoids.) Experts say: don't buy enough cake, create a "candlescape" on a mirror instead of flowers. A "Balance the Budget" worksheet allots 4% for stationery, 10% for attire. Too much fun for ya? How's about the guide to "Bridal Bartering?" Basically, you exchange your "professional skills" for DJing and flowers. "Bartering for a wedding was once considered declasse, but wedding experts say there's no longer much of a stigma associated with it." Says one bride, We didn't want to go into any debt, so bartering allowed us to get extras we couldn't have afforded." The "A to Z Shopping Guide." P is for powder puff. X is for "x-quisite." The "Good Health Guide for the Modern Bride" helps make the "transition to marriage that much easier" with Vitamins and exercise. Also includes insurance stuff and "What You Must Know About Domestic Violence." Finally, in "Regrets Only," "an embarrassed bride comes clean on her guest-list goof-ups." Oh noes!!! Grade: B+ (Freixenet Carta Nevada Brut)

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She says:

Suleman seems to have combined an extraordinary degree of planning for conception with no realistic planning for childraising.

That, truly seems to be the fairest criticism of Suleman: that as a single mother with few means to support herself or her 14 children (some of whom are special needs), Suleman seems to have wanted to have kids more than she really wanted to parent them.

And that, frankly, sounds like a few brides (and moms) to-be that I've known. It seems like there are certain people who get more than a little entranced by the idea of getting married or having kids, fetishizing it even, to the point that they don't pay quite as much attention to being a spouse or parenting a child. It's a fetishization of the trappings of traditional gender roles without terribly much thought given to what those roles could or will demand over the course of decades.

There's all these commercials and television shows and advertisements and movies in which Mom and Baby look adoringly at one another and are universally admired for their innocence and sweetness, and if the reality of parenting a newborn is shown (sleeplessness, crying, spitting up, crying, dirty diapers, more crying) it's more often played for laughs than horror. It's the same with getting married — few movies (particularly romantic comedies) start with the wedding and show the realities of a marriage — it's always meet-cute, fall in love, minor roadblocks and then happily-ever-after with all their loved ones smiling. But life — and marriage and parenting — doesn't exactly work that way.

Nadya Suleman: A Woman We Love To Hate [The Guardian]

Let me start by saying this: I am not a wedding person. While I understand that for many people, a wedding day is a huge deal and a big celebration that they are willing to spend a lot of time and money on, and if that's your thing, good on you, I have never, in my life, dreamed about my wedding day. I may have dreamed about a giant Carvel Fudgie the Whale cake with "A Whale of a Wedding" scrawled on it, but that's about it.

Popular culture is currently filled with Wedding Mania: on any given Saturday, you can probably find at least 800 wedding shows dealing with everything from finding the perfect dress to throwing the perfect reception. Weddings have become a serious business: the average American couple spends at least $28,082 on a single day of celebrating, though one wonders if the economy tanking will finally put an end to such spending. But perhaps the worst part of Wedding Mania is that the true meaning of getting married gets lost.

For example: as soon as I started telling people I was engaged, they had two reactions: 1. "Let me see the ring!" and 2. "Have you set a date yet?!" I understand that these are the standard responses, though my boyfriend, er, fiance, was greeted by "Oh hey, awesome. Congrats," by comparison. For being an Officially Engaged Person of female variety, apparently, means that you're suddenly a walking date book and advertisement for a jewelry store. No longer are you Hortense, girl on the go! No! You're "bride-to-be, who has a big party to plan!" To which I say this: Fuck. That. Noise.

You heard me! Fuck that noise! For one thing, my engagement ring was a Cherry Ring Pop, which, btw, was what I said I wanted nine years ago in a random conversation with my now fiance, who remembered. No, he didn't go to Jared, ok? He went to the candy store. And for that, he rules your face.

Secondly, we DON'T have a date. Because we are busy, and we have lives, and we have only been engaged for a month and we don't feel like planning anything yet. And if we don't end up eloping, which we may, due to this insane pressure to plan plan plan that has suddenly been placed upon us by previously sane friends and family, we're going to throw a wedding/party our way. There will not be fancy invitations. There won't be Save the Date magnets. We're not posing for a couple's portrait at Sears, Mom, because we would NEVER pose for a couple's portrait, EVER, so please stop asking.

All I'm saying is, world, for some Officially Engaged People, the world does not revolve around our upcoming nuptials. Yes, we're excited. And we're happy that you're excited too. But some of us just want to do things our way. We go to your weddings and enjoy the open bar and celebrate your love in the way you've planned it out, so just let us do our own thing, okay? I know that weddings are mass-marketed, and there are expectations placed upon us that society thinks we need to meet, and I am not dumping on people who are really in love and celebrate it in the traditional way, like my older sister did and my younger sister plans to do because that's your thing and it's awesome, and your weddings were and will be fun and beautiful, but for fuck's sake, universe, some of us just don't feel like picking out table settings or touring country clubs or meeting with florists. What is an exciting time of planning and sharing for some couples is a total drag for others, dig?

I am still a go for that Fudgie the Whale cake though. Because that's just classy.

With This Dress I Thee Wed And Wed And Wed [NYTimes]