[New York, November 5. Image via INFDaily.]

• For the love of God. Khloe Kardashian says: "I want to be a skinny pregnant person." Actually, what she says when she's asked about having kids is:

"Honestly, I just lost weight! I want to be a skinny pregnant person, like how my sister Kourtney looks so cute pregnant. I can't be a house [after] I just lost weight." She does sort of redeem herself by saying: "I am always fat no matter how much weight I lose… [My sisters and I] are all curvy and we are all accepting of our body types. I think if I was in Hollywood by myself, I would be so much more susceptible to falling into having an eating disorder." [E!]

• Maybe Khloe shouldn't hear this, but Kristen Stewart says: "You should see my brother; he's, like, emaciated. We both just happen to be really skinny." [Us Magazine via Allure]
• Kim Kardashian will get $50,000 for celebrating her birthday at Tao in Las Vegas. A source says, "Kim is worth the huge fee because she's so hot." [Page Six]
• Headline Of The Day: "Michael Jackson's Giraffes in $100,000 War" [TMZ]
• Sources say the Jackson family has been invited to attend the premiere of This Is It; but Katherine Jackson and other family members insist they have been snubbed. [TMZ]
• Did Nicole Richie and Joel Madden have a secret wedding? Radar Online found out that Joel got a marriage license earlier this week. [The Star via Radar]
• Lindsay Lohan's on probation for DUI and has a court date this morning because she "failed to meet an unspecified probationary condition." [NY Post]
• Madonna on quitting Tracy Anderson workouts: "I learned a lot of great things working out with Tracy Anderson, I did not ditch or fire her. I simply wanted to try a new method of working out when my tour ended. We remain friends." [Page Six]
• Madonna and Carlos Leon threw a party for Lourdes' 13th birthday on Wednesday at trendy NYC restaurant Delicatessen. Lola had red velvet cake. [Gatecrasher]
• Eminem has declined to collaborate with fellow Michigan-er Madonna. She says: "I wanted to work with Eminem. I don't think he wanted to work with me. Maybe he's shy." That must be it! [Avril Lavigne's new man is Dole Food Company billionaire Justin Murdock. Not a sk8r boi. [Daily Telegraph]
• Diddy was throwing money off the stage at a show when his $20,000 diamond studded ring flew off. So naturally everyone was frisked before they left the event, which they didn't like. Guess what? The ring was not found. "He ain't getting' it back," one witness said. "Someone pocketed that, and they probably took it to the nearest jeweler." My guess? Someone swallowed it and is hoping for the best. [NY Post]
• "David Beckham's son Brooklyn is carving out a sporting name for himself... as an American footballer." Coaches at his school have called him a "wonderkid" and a "natural thrower and hard tackler." [The Sun]
• Courtney Love: Reformed Hole and is in the studio recording new tracks. This paper declares: "Should be interesting because she can definitely rock out." [The Sun]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy are still on and he "has no plans of ruining a good thing." [People]
• Jon Gosselin has reportedly approached awards shows with requests to appear as a presenter — and has been turned down by at least two productions. [MSNBC Scoop ]
• The guy who punched Leona Lewis in the face is an aspiring singer who didn't make it as a contestant on X Factor. Of course. [The Sun]
• There will be no lesbian talk in Anna Nicole Smith's hearing. Adjust accordingly. [Mirror]
• Except you can read about how "Anna Nicole Smith's female doctor funneled drugs to the Playmate to fuel their lesbian love affair" at this link. [NY Post]
• Howard K. Stern was urged to send Anna Nicole Smith to rehab, but told Anna's bodyguard rehab "would kill her." [LA Times]
• Does Donald Trump really not know who Tilda Swinton is? [Page Six]
• So you know how January Jones' rack looks huge on the cover of GQ? "They definitely did some significant retouching," claims a source. But GQ photo editor says: "Yes, they're real. And they're spectacular… People think that a person will look the same in every photograph, but that just doesn't happen… Terry [Richardson] likes to work with harder lighting, and that can create a stronger shadow — that, and body position and perspective could give the illusion that her breasts are bigger. January Jones needed no help. Trust me." [Page Six]
• Jimmy Kimmel and new girlfriend Molly McNearney — who works on his show — had a sleepover. And this is news. News accompanied by a picture of Jimmy "pasty and shirtless" on his balcony, watching Molly leave the morning after. [Radar Online]
• Wood alert: Jesse Metcalfe says that doing sex scenes with Eva Longoria for Desperate Housewives made him "pop a wheelie." [TMZ]
• Whitney Houston is mad at Wendy Williams. [Gatecrasher]
• Kylie Minogue: Spotted making out with her Spanish hunk at a party even though her parents were there. [Page Six]
• Depeche Mode's Dave Gahan denies he said "Thank you very much, Chile" when he was in Peru. [AP]
• Nigella Lawson's back went out, so she put on a corset and ate a chocolate bar. I'll have to try that next time. [Daily Express]
• BREAKING: Karina Smirnoff loves being single. [People]
• Fred Durst got married in July. Then separated a month later. And now he's filed for divorce. [People, TMZ]
• A column called "A Night Of Round Table With Monty Python" is predictably full of weird jokes. [NY Times]
• The new cast of Celebrity Apprentice includes Darryl Strawberry, Rod Blagojevich, Sinbad, Sharon Osbourne, Bret Michaels, Cyndi Lauper, Holly Robinson Peete, Carol Leifer, (who wrote for Seinfeld and whom the character of Elaine was based on), wrestlers Goldberg and Maria Kanellis, chef Curtis Stone and Olympic gold-medal swimmer Summer Sanders. [NY Post]
• "At the age of eight I discovered that I could write songs. My dad used to take them to the notary and register them so that nobody could steal them from me. Who does that? What parent takes a treasure in his child's scribbles?" — Shakira. [Guardian]
• "Before my third album, they warned me that if nothing really happened, they were going to drop me. I knew it was my last chance, so I took control. I started to get more involved with production. I started to use my own influences. My music was influenced more by the Anglo-Saxons than the local tropical or Latin roots. When I was singing in Spanish, I had a more rock'n'roll attitude. I was very inflexible, very rigid in many aspects. There were things that would be completely unacceptable to me, like wearing a leotard, or showing my legs. I was more of a purist then." — Shakira. [Guardian]
• "I envisioned that as my life: staying in academia to make a living and then taking summers off to write my novels. I understand the self-loathing and the resentment, and the discipline that it takes to sit down in front of a typewriter or computer every single day, whether it's going well or not going well … I didn't need to research how to be a professor [for Californication's third season] because I'd already been a teaching assistant when I was pursuing my Ph.D.; it was a very clear memory." — Former Yale doctoral student David Duchovny. [The Daily Beast]
• "In Uganda, fat is beautiful. [Jessica is] always scrutinized by the world. Beauty starts from within." — Joe Simpson, Jessica's dad. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "I think that for the first few seasons, it was very clear that Amanda didn't want to be bothered with any type of work. She's at a fashion magazine because she loves fashion — mostly just wearing it. There is a certain reality show with a certain stylist [Newton declines to identify it, but duh, it's Bravo's The Rachel Zoe Project], and I thought, 'Oh my God, that's a glimpse of Amanda's future.' We're going to see that Amanda's love of fashion can help her get ahead in her career. Amanda has a real skill that can actually benefit Mode magazine, apart from looking cute - not that she won't still look cute." — Becki Newton, Ugly Betty's Amanda. [TV Guide]
• "I go outside, and I'm wearing a funky T-shirt and my hair is dirty, and people say, 'What's wrong with her? She needs to invest in a hairbrush. I'm like, don't you get it? I'm not that girl! Like, I never was that girl. It's not like I was really clean-cut last year. The commenters are usually worse than the bloggers. I know what people say about me." — Kristen Stewart. [Us Magazine via Allure]
• "I grew up going to Disneyland twice a week. But I was banned for a year because I went to Disney prison. I was really young so I wasn't responsible for this - it was all my brother's fault. You get a stamp when you leave the park which if you put hairspray on it you can transfer it to someone else's hand, so in the parking lot he went up to somebody and said, 'Hey can we spray hairspray on your hand?0' and we transferred it. And then we go in through the turnstile and there's people there called Fox Fighters or some weird name, They take us aside and I'm like six-years-old and my brother says 'No matter what they say do not confess.' He was like a professional felon at twelve!" — Blake Lively.[Showbiz Spy]
• "It started with the fact that it was my very first week on The View and Barbara and Whoopi asked me if I thought the earth was round or flat. The response that came out was, 'I don't know. I'm trying to take care of my son.' I was really nervous. I was totally outside of my comfort zone and I made a comment that I didn't mean to make. It was a brain fart. I did not know that people were going to hate me as much as they did. I mean like, hate me. My website crashed. But then the women of The View came together and said, 'If we didn't think you could be here, you wouldn't be at this table. We love you. We support you. Don't even worry about it.' I got a ton of e-mails from women saying, I don't care if the earth is round or flat either, Sherri. I'm just trying to pay my bills. That's when I realized that we've gotta give ourselves a break or permission to say dumb things and keep moving. I know what a lot of other women are going through, you try to be perfect for everybody. We've gotta give ourselves a break." — Sherri Shepherd on her new self-help memoir, Permission Slips: Every Woman's Guide to Giving Herself a Break. [Time]
• "I'm old. It's an interesting thing to watch yourself grow older on screen. I was watching Up In The Air and I thought, 'Jesus, who's the old gray-haired guy?' And it was me. I never wear makeup for movies and now it's starting to show. But I'm kind of comfortable with getting older because it's better than the other option, which is being dead. So I'll take getting older." — George Clooney. [Telegraph]
• "I want to hate Megan Fox more than anything. We all do. But I read a bunch of her quotes, and she's witty and smart and carefree. I thought, 'This is the kind of girl I'd love to be friends with' "—Kristen Bell in Women's Health. [Page Six]
• "It was a challenging year. I may have thrown myself off a building. I think work saved me. I'm very grateful I had work." — Madonna. [The Sun]

There's no sign of a bandana under that tri-cornered hat, but we still have no desire to be one of the wenches on Bret Michaels' Rock of Love Pirate Ship.


Apparently Brody Jenner has set sail as well. Our fantasy: that he and Bret will strike up a bromance and spare the womenfolk on board.


There's really nothing wrong with this photo of NFL player Will Demps, but we can't stop thinking about Bret and Brody, and it's hard to see through the tears.


It's cool that the editors decided Lance Bass being gay doesn't disqualify him from being a one of the "Hottest Bachelors," but his pose clearly says, "sorry ladies, can not have!" We've never seen a man pulling away from a woman on the cover of a romance novel, but if female readers are snatching up novels about gay male romance, why not have a genre devoted to women lusting after homosexual former boy band members?


Earlier: What Women Want: Gay Male Sex

• The police were called to Lindsay Lohan's home at about 4 a.m. yesterday after her neighbors complained that she was playing loud music. She was ticketed for being excessively noisy. [TMZ]

• Ryan O'Neal and Farrah Fawcett have been together since 1980 and now he says, "I've asked her to marry me, again, and she's agreed." O'Neal made the announcement during an interview with Barbara Walters for Friday's 20/20. He added, "We will, as soon as she can, say yes. Maybe we can just nod her head." [People]
• Farrah has been hospitalized for at least the past two week in Los Angeles. "There was a moment last week when she was supposed to be released and was going home but things changed," says the source. Her publicist would only say, "She is still being treated for her condition." [People]
• As mentioned earlier, Chris Brown has made a plea deal and will serve five years of probation for assaulting Rihanna. Brown plead guilty to felony assault and was ordered to enroll in an anti-domestic violence program, perform 180 days of community service, and to have his travel vetted by a probation officer. He was ordered to stay away from Rihanna. [CNN]
• Though Rihanna had not requested a restraining order, Judge Patricia Schnegg called her in to the courtroom after Chris Brown left and said she had issued a stay-away order. Brown and Rihanna must stay at least 50 yards from each other, except at industry events where the distance is reduced to 10 yards. It's not a one way order, so Rihanna will be in violation if she gets too close to Chris. [MSNBC]
• As reported over the weekend, after 16 years of marriage, Jane Kaczmarek and Bradley Whitford are divorcing. And when asked about her love life in a recent interview, Kaczmarek said, "That's a big no comment." [More]
• Mercy James has been spotted outside Madonna's London home being held by a nanny. A friend of the family says, "The next few days are all about cocooning Mercy from the world and getting her used to being around her new family." [The Mirror]
• Carrie Prejean says the Miss California USA organization knew she was planning to write a book, but now a lawyer for the organization says, "There is no dispute that, although some discussions about the possible terms and conditions of a future agreement allowing Ms. Prejean to write a book were in progress," the organizers never "gave written consent to any such book, print article, or similar publication. Accordingly, her participation in the admitted book deal unquestionably violates the contract and appears to be a knowing and deliberate violation." [U.S. News]
• Meg Ryan will guest star in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm's seventh season, which will also feature a reunion of the Seinfeld cast. [The Sun]
• Beyonce's record label says she's not to blame for the cancellation of a launch party this weekend for her North American tour. Music World/Columbia Records released a statement saying the New York party was cancelled because of a breach of contract by the party promoter, saying Beyonce "was never scheduled to perform, but was to serve as a co-host and introduce singer/songwriter Solange's performance. Patrons were falsely promised a performance by Beyonce." [UPI]
• Bret Michaels has rescheduled two solo performance dates due to the injuries he received at the Tony Awards. A post on his website said, "The trauma caused by the now infamous accident at the Tonys continues to take its toll on Mr. Michaels throat as well as other physical conditions," and continues, "He has been shot at, had broken bones, severe lacerations and contusion not to mention crucial high and low blood sugar levels due to his condition as a juvenile diabetic yet has always done his best to make his way to the stage." [Rolling Stone]
• In this video Megan Fox talks about why she snubbed a teenage boy trying to give her a rose. She says she says it was dark and she didn't see him and apologized saying, "I'm sorry sweet boy I would never do that to you." [Perez Hilton]
• Kate Hudson has been spotted in the back of A-Rod's chauffeured car leaving various parties in Miami. [Palm Beach Post]
• VH1 has officially announced that Jessica Simpson will star in a new series called The Price of Beauty, which "takes Jessica all over the world to meet every day women. She may also discover some local pop culture icons on their own quests for beauty along the way. Jessica will study the local fashions, dietary fads and beauty regimes and even participate in some of the extreme practices she discovers." [PR Newswire]
• Perez Hilton has posted a video explaining his side of the attack that took place in Toronto. He claims Will.I.Am's manager hit him in the face "two or three times." [Perez Hilton]
• But if you don't want to take Perez Hilton's word for it, you can watch footage of the incident at the link. It starts in the middle of an argument between Hilton and Will.I.Am. Hilton is heard telling him, "you're not a fucking artist ... you're a fucking faggot." [TMZ]
• Patti LuPone stopped singing during a show once again, because she thought someone was taking a picture. At a performance last night she stopped singing and asked an audience member holding an electronic device, "What were you doing? I promise not to be mad at you. Just tell me, what were you doing - videoing? Taking photos? Texting? I really want to know." The fan did not respond and Lupone threatened to have him thrown out if it happened again, then continued singing "Don't Cry for Me, Argentina." [The N.Y. Times]
• Mel Gibson's girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, has released a video for her new single Say My Name. You can check it out here: [People]
• The IRS says Kevin Federline owes $14,371 in back taxes. [TMZ]
• Russell Crowe has responded to the rumors that he and director Ridley Scott are fighting on the set of Robin Hood saying, "Ridley and I have never made a secret of the way we work, we agree to disagree because in the calculation of both our opinions we create the best idea. There's no yelling, no diva bullshit, we are doing our jobs to the best of our abilities and try to do something special every day." [The Daily Express]
• In this week's People Chace Crawford mentioned Ed Westwick's "Velcro patch of chest-hair." Westwick responded, saying, "I'm just not a pretty little boy, now am I?" [People]
• Rita Wilson has dropped her lawsuit against Melissa Pearl, in which she claimed that a $75,000 1962 Beatles poster she bought for Tom Hanks did not come with the proper authentication. Pearl produced a document from Sotheby's proving it's authenticity so the case was dropped. [TMZ]
• Here's a lengthy interview with Justin Kirk of Weeds on what to expect on the new season. [E!]
• Robin Wright Penn was interviewed for the magazine Psychologies after her first reconciliation with Sean Penn, but after they separated for a second time earlier this year. "It feels good now," she said. "If it didn't I wouldn't still be here." She added, "All marriages have their phases. It's life. We go through it, if we're married long enough. If you're lucky you grow and you work it out." [People]
• Spencer and Heidi Pratt are coming back to I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here. They're on a plane right now heading back to Costa Rica. [TMZ]
• Stephen Baldwin quit I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! after insects laid their eggs under his skin. He explains: "I suffered in the first eight days of production, while in the jungle, over 125 insect bites on my body... and two of them, much to my surprise, became quite lumpy initially. Within about 72 hours they were these half dollar-sized lumps under my skin that were probably about an inch thick... So they tested these things and sure enough, Stevie B was 'pregnant.'" Medics removed the larvae from his skin. [Star Pulse]

• GLAAD is concerned about Sacha Baron Cohen's depiction of homosexuality in Brüno:

"We have very mixed emotions about the movie," says GLAAD's Rashad Robinson. "Those of us who saw the film agreed that you can't critique it as a single film because it's more like 90 minutes of individual sketches. Some are funny and hit their mark but others hit the [gay] community instead." GLAAD is asking for a bit where a baby is sitting in the same hot tub where two men are having sex be cut. "As someone who sat at the back of a focus group audience outside of Los Angeles, I felt they were laughing at us at times." [E!]

• Sacha Baron Cohen, dressed as Brüno, showed up outside of Buckingham Palace yesterday and announced: "I hope Prince Harry is coming to the premiere – I've heard he's a total slut!" [Telegraph]
• Brüno on prime minister Gordon Brown: "The guy needs a total makeover. He needs a fake tan, he needs to wear some tight slacks." [Telegraph]
• In the UK, you can't see Brüno unless you're over 18. [Telegraph]
• WTF: "Two police chiefs are under investigation for allegedly breaking into the Martins Ferry, Ohio, home of Sarah Jessica Parker's surrogate in an attempt to dig up dirt they hoped to sell to the tabloids." [Gatecrasher]
• Elle magazine says it has "no reason" to believe that Lindsay Lohan is responsible for $500,000 worth of Dior jewelry missing from a photoshoot. [Gatecrasher]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have donated $1 million to the UN Refugee Agency, to help displaced people n Pakistan. This comes one week after Brad donated $1 million for a pediatric cancer center in Missouri. [People]
• Jersey Housewives' Danielle says of the showdown in the finale: "My kids deserved to see how Mommy was going to grow from this and move forward. My children needed to learn from that, and that is why they wanted to stay in the room." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Housewives' Dina says of Danielle: "I never denied that I was part of [exposing] the book. I just literally never had the book in my hands. Literally. Like, I never had possession of the book. So how can I go around showing something that was never in my hands? So Jacqueline misunderstood what I was saying. She thought I was saying I never had anything to do with it. But, no, I had everything to do with it." [People]
• Oh dear: Morgan Freeman had an affair with his step granddaughter??? [National Enquirer via Perez]
• Madonna is calling on Gwyneth Paltrow to help her decorate a room for new child, Mercy. Her Madgesty's "wish list" includes "porcelain dolls, antique teddy bears, a library of leather-bound children's books and ancient maps of Africa to adorn the walls." Plus! Lourdes is super excited about having a sister: "She's bought piles of leggings, hipster T-shirts, tutus and sneakers for the new arrival." [The Sun]
• This essay argues that Madonna's "acquisition" of Mercy just helps baby traffickers. [Daily Mail]
• "Madonna 'banned Kate Winslet's musician father from appearing on Snatch film soundtrack.'" [Daily Mail]
• Good news: Bret Michaels will not sue the Tony Awards, even though he was injured by a set piece: "I'm taking the high road." [People]
• Has Sean Penn gone back to his wife after Natalie Portman broke his heart? [Page Six]
• "Michael Jackson is looking for a child who is missing limbs or in a wheelchair to appear on stage with him at his O2 gigs." [The Sun]
• Wow: E! is asking fans if the site should be a "Speidi-Free Zone." In a poll, the site asks, "Beginning today through Sunday, we are putting it to the fans to decide whether to banish Heidi and Spencer from E! forever, or at least until they do something truly newsworthy." [E!]
• Billy Joel's daughter and ex-wife speak out about his split from wife Katie Lee: daughter Alexa says, "If my dad's happy, I'm happy and I respect any decision that he makes." Chrsitie Brinkley says: "I'm very sad that this has happened, and I wish them both happiness." [Extra]
• Billy Joel's wife Katie Lee was seen dancing "erotically" with fashion designer Yigal Azrouel six months ago, and some say he introduced her to people as his girlfriend. [NY Post]
• Apocalypto: Paris Hilton — and her reality show — have landed in Dubai. [AP]
• 50 Cent spent $33,000 on Tom Ford suits. [Page Six]
• Like Lost? Like Sawyer, aka Josh Holloway? In this clip, he talks about all kinds of stuff — his character, Jack, Juliet, etc. [EW]
• Lost alum Maggie Grace: Returning to Hawaii, but she teases: "I don't know why." [E!]
• I dare you, DARE you to watch this video of Ellen Page, Alia Shawkat (who was Maeby from Arrested Development), and Har Mar Superstar singing "Don't Stop Believing" and not cringe, wince or guffaw. [NY Mag]
• A fourth Mission: Impossible starring Tom Cruise? Just looks desperate. Although having JJ Abrams involved again is interesting. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Jennifer Aniston and Aaron Eckhart star in Love Happens, a movie about a self-help guru with a secret who dates a florist. Except it seems like the secret is given away in the trailer, which is posted at the link. [People]
• Reese Witherspoon with star in Pharm Girl, a comedy about one woman's experience working at a large pharmaceutical company — the longer she works there, the more she sees the "underbelly" of the industry. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Rashida Jones will star in a rom com called Celeste And Jesse Forever, about a divorcing couple who attempt to maintain their friendship while pursuing new relationships. [UPI]
• Coming soon: A Bride Of Frankenstein remake, in which "the monster is a babe," someone like Scarlett Johansson or Anne Hathaway. [Page Six]
• Guy Ritchie's chauffeur: Caught driving without insurance. [The Sun]
• Kelis has filed her financials with the court and it all comes down to the fact that she doesn't have a lot of cash, and having a baby takes money. She'd like Nas to pay up. [TMZ]
• TR Knight is leaving Grey's Anatomy and word is, he wants to do Broadway. Or at least: Theater. [E!]
• Snippet from this Betty White interview: You stole the movie [The Proposal]. And added the sentimentality it needed. That scene in the airplane really got me. "Well aren't you dear. Thank you." There were some other topics I wanted to cover— "Can I get you any coffee or water?" [MovieLine]
• George Lucas is building an office complex that looks exactly like Hearst Castle. [mediabistro.com]
• Critical acclaim for the second season of Mad Men? Duh. [Variety]
• You can't sue the Bionic Woman over a car crash! She doesn't drive. She just runs, making a wannannana - wannanana - sound effect! [TMZ]
• Ozzy Osbourne will appear on Jack Osbourne's show, Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie, in which stars do stuff like bungee jump, white water raft and skydive. [The Sun]
• "Ryan Cabrera Sued over Death Trap Driveway." [TMZ]
• Katie "Jordan" Price got drunk in Ibiza and said to a journalist: "I'm gonna cut your fucking face. I swear to God I'll fucking cut you." Charming! [Daily Mail]
• Is Conan O'Brien losing viewers to David Letterman? [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which ditsy blond didn't seem to care when a crowd of ladies caught her sniffing Colombia's finest - right out in the open - in Atlantic City?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Miss Congeniality was a romantic comedy, I call that a buddy flick. It's a new kind of film. If you really think about it; it wasn't about romance, it was about her saving her friend at the beauty pageant. Men do films like this, The Proposal or Miss Congeniality, all the time and they're considered comedies and there's always love in it. There's always love in it. There's always a relationship. I would like to help create a broader spectrum of categories where the writing gets better. There are great writers out there." — Sandra Bullock. [Reuters]
• "He's like a new man. He really went through something [with that racist tirade incident]. He used to be very angry and bitter. He's completely different now. You can see it, and he can feel it. I'm very happy for him." — Larry David on Michael Richards. [Reuters]
• "I wish I could afford to be here all the time, but it's a very expensive city to work in. It's gotten worse for me. It's gotten better in that they give you tax breaks. But everything (else) has gone up. I work on a very limited budget." — Woody Allen. [USA Today]
• "Chaz is embarking on a difficult journey, but one that I will support. I respect the courage it takes to go through this transition in the glare of public scrutiny, and although I may not understand, I will strive to be understanding ... The one thing that will never change is my abiding love for my child." — Cher, on her daughter's decision to undergo a sex change. [TMZ]
• "Positive is not funny. Nobody laughs at positive, 'What a beautiful day it is!' or how many friends I have, how many people love me. There's nothing funny about that at all. But there's funny in the negative. When you speak in negative terms, the more negative, the funnier it is. Hence, the funny crank." — Larry David. [LA Times]
• "In America, there's such a hunger for young people, so you get the young up-and-coming star. And then it becomes a time period when they really don't know what to do with you or how to use you. And then it changes, I think, after 50 - then you become - 'I'm the mother of the 20-year-old.' So I'm hoping there's going to be a shift again and I'll work more." — Andie MacDowell, who says her 40s were an awkward time because she had trouble finding roles. [Yahoo News via AP]
• "I don't like the word 'cougar' because it just makes me think of teeth and somebody who's biting. We have to come up with a new word." — Countess Luann de Lesseps. [Gatecrasher]
• "You know what, I prefer a flatter-chested look. That's just kind of me. I think it's more of a fashion look. If you look at a lot of high-fashion models and things like that, they're always you know, a little flatter. I like the way clothes fit better…" — Lauren Conrad is not into plastic surgery. [People]
• "We should all believe in something, and I believe it's time for another shot of tequila." — Justin Timberlake. [Page Six]
• "Seriously, this is one of my favorite songs ever. I love the whole album. I'm completely immersed in it. I can't wait for you to hear it." — Mariah Carey on her OWN new single. [NY Daily News]

• Miley Cyrus, America's favorite daughter of a once-mulleted country singer, has—gasp!—pierced her nose. Shock me shock me shock me with that actually pretty typical and normal for a sixteen year old behavior! [People]

• "I'll let people think what they will," Miley says about her new piercing. "I hope no one is upset at me for doing it. I think it's lame for it to be such a big deal because ... it's just temporary. You can take it out." [USWeekly]
• Who could have put such rebellious thoughts into young Hannah Montana's brain? "I am a huge Kelly Clarkson fan," Cyrus says, "And I loved when she had her nose pierced." So our first American Idol has inspired our latest teen idol to put a tiny stud in her nose? You know what that means, people. End of civilization. Will someone please think of the children?!?![USWeekly]
• And speaking of teen pop sensations, here's a video of the New Kids On The Block hangin' tough with their fans at a Waffle House. [TMZ]
• Uh, Happy 10th Anniversary, Jon and Kate Gosselin? Woo? Congrats? And many more? [People]
• "I was arrested - what is the big deal? I haven't gotten as much as a traffic ticket in all these years."- Danielle Staub of the Real Housewives Of New Jersey on her scandalous past. [People]
• Travis McCoy is denying tabloid reports that he was seen leaving a club with two "buxom beauties" by his side and that his relationship with Katy Perry is in trouble as a result: "I was not familiar with that story," McCoy says, "It sounds really out of character." [DailyExpress]
• Meanwhile, Katy Perry's bus was vandalized by a would-be robber who was caught in the act. Katy didn't seem to upset by it, as she posted on her Twitter page: "some1 just broke into our bus, they got caught. Luckily all there is is glitter, catsuit outfits, fruit & a box set of Ab Fab. Sux fer them." Hello?! Someone tried to steal your AbFab box set! If you're not upset by that then you seriously don't deserve to own it, sweetie darling. [PerezHilton]
• Drea de Matteo became engaged to her longtime boyfriend, Shooter Jennings, during one of Shooter's recent concerts. According to a source, "[Drea] was dancing on the side of the stage holding [the couple's 18-month-old daughter] Alabama when [Shooter] called her on stage. She was so surprised by the proposal." [People]
• Chace Crawford reportedly auditioned shirtless to win the lead role in the upcoming remake of Footloose: "He took off his shirt, he was in his T-shirt and jeans, and hit it. And that's the kind of man I wanted for this role," says director Kenny Ortega. At least he got to keep his Sunday shoes on, I guess? [MTV]
• Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, and Sheryl Crow spent last night supporting a good cause: a night devoted to "Stamp Out Violence Against Women and Girls of the Congo." Says Cox: "We can do something about this. I want to bring awareness to this." [People]
• Shania Twain has checked in with fans after taking some time off to deal with her divorce, which took place one year ago. "I'm enjoying my child, friends and family like I haven't in years, and it's great," Twain says, "I've been experiencing and seeing new things every day, living life with a different and more optimistic attitude." Also? She's still not impressed much by your car or the fact that you're Brad Pitt. [People]
• Usher is still expected to file for divorce from his wife, Tameka Foster Raymond, but sources say that Foster Raymond is still committed to the relationship: "She's been in his life for so long. She's very loyal to him. Tameka is the type of woman to stick it out." [People]
• Joy Behar says she wants to book Sarah Palin on The Joy Behar Show: "She would do very well with me, because I'm not out to get Sarah Palin," Behar says, "I want to hear from her, she has things to say." [HuffingtonPost]
• Whoops! A tabloid mistakenly (shock) reported that Kristen Chenoweth had rekindled an old romance with Lane Garrison by writing the former Prison Break star prison pen pal letters. Not true, says Chenoweth's rep: "Kristin Chenoweth and Lane Garrison have not rekindled a relationship, nor was there any pen pal correspondence throughout his incarceration." [People]
• Is Prince William finally going to marry Kate Middleton? A source says yes: "He has to. Been seeing her too long not to. It would be another embarrassment for the Palace." [NYPost]
• Samantha Ronson won't be doing a reality show anytime soon, according to her Twitter: "Why are people asking me if I'm doing a reality tv show? That's the most absurd rumour ever. I'd rather stick needles in my eyes." [Samantha Ronson's Twitter]
• Meanwhile, Trent Reznor has had it with your crap and is quitting Twitter "because at the end of the day it's now doing more harm than good in the bigger picture and the experiment seems to have yielded a result. Idiots rule." [NYObserver]
• Ashanti is ready to take on her role as Dorothy in the upcoming Broadway revival of The Wiz, and says her bond with her cast mates makes things easier: "Everyone is gelling really well, we're laughing and joking and it just feels really good. Because it's like teamwork: Everyone wants everyone to do well, and they're fully supportive. Any questions that I have they're like, `I got you!'"[Yahoo]
• Nia Vardalos and John Corbett, who starred in My Big Fat Greek Wedding together, are teaming up once again to star in a film titled (sigh) I Hate Valentine's Day. [People]
• Stephen Baldwin's foreclosed home is set to be auctioned off. [Yahoo]
• Is Lauren Conrad engaged to boyfriend Kyle Howard? Star magazine says yes. [NYDN]
• But wait! "A source close to Lauren's camp" says that the engagement rumor is "100% false." [Hollyscoop]
• Bret Michaels is still talking about his Tonys mishap, and says he was "bummed that I did not get to attend the after parties, cuz rumor has it Anne Hathaway was going to be there and she is hot." Oh yeah right. Like Princess Mia would be caught dead on the Rock of Love Bus. She doesn't want to rock your world, Bret. And don't even try to hitch a Rock Of Love Plane to Genovia. Queen Clarisse won't allow it. Your tour ends here, buddy. [PerezHilton]

• Just what you always wanted: Heidi Montag has posed for the September issue of Playboy:

Here is the obligatory quote about how classy it is: "There is nudity. It's tasteful – she had a lot of fun with it," says a source. [People]

• Wait, what? Rihanna and Chris Brown requested seats together at the NBA Finals game in Orlando, Florida. Some kind of carefully orchestrated show of support?!?!?! [ET]
• Oh, no: This report states that Rihanna and Chris Brown did not sit together. [Page Six]
• Madonna's adoption appeal: Approved. She's in the process of working out the details and getting Mercy to New York. [BBC News, Daily News, People]
• Kristin Davis says of the Sex And The City sequel: "I haven't read the actual script yet; we're supposed to get it this week." But she says some of the characters known for Manolos and martinis might be feeling the sting of the recession: "I don't think we are totally switching to a new shoe brand, but there are definitely some effects of the economic situation that will be felt, but I don't know if [the consequences will be felt] across the board or specific to certain characters." [WWD]
• Kanye West and Chanel Iman: Seen getting cozy. [Page Six]
• Kanye West is also into Lady GaGa: "I'm into her style. It's hot right now. I mean, I'm a guy - so obviously I'm into her." Guess what? they're going on tour together! [Daily News]
• Kanye West performed for 3,000 teens in his hometown of Chicago at an event for the Kanye West Foundation, a nonprofit working to decrease dropout rates and improve literacy. It was co-founded by Kanye's late mother, who worked in education for years. The kids who got to see Kanye were students who had improved their grades and attendance; Chicago has a 50% dropout rate. [MSNBC]
• Were the Usher divorce reports just a rumor? His wife doesn't seem to know anything about it ,and there's no record of him filing… yet. But also, his wife hasn't spoken to him "in a few days." [TMZ]
• According to this report, Usher hasn't filed for divorce yet, but a clerk with Cobb County Superior Court in Georgia says, "we had a telephone conversation last week with an attorney asking how to file for them." Why the divorce? One source rails: "Tameka is crazy. His mother didn't even go to their wedding because she didn't approve!" [Gatecrasher]
• BREAKING: Anne Hathaway upstaged by raccoon. [Page Six]
• Sonny Bono's widow — Congresswoman Mary Bono — says she "loves and supports Chaz" — meaning Chastity Bono, who is transitioning from female to male. [TMZ]
• Did Chastity Bono's rep want cash for her sex change story? [National Enquirer]
• Even though Kate Winslet said "it's very tempting to have a nanny and live in a gated community," her rep clarifies: "'She has a part-time nanny." [Daily Mail]
• Doug Reinhardt's rep released a statement about his relationship with Paris Hilton, which reads: "Doug refuses to take part of this ridiculous media circus. He wishes Paris and all of her future boyfriends the best of luck." All together now: Oh. Snap. [TMZ]
• Paris Has already moved on, to Madrid Real soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo, who is what is technically referred to as a serious hottie. [Page Six]
• This story about a late mortician accused of misusing burial funds is "notable" because the estranged wife of the man, J. Jeffrey Fretti, is named Tamara, and she is the sister of Katie Holmes. [Toledo Blade]
• When it comes to dating someone much older, Evan Rachel Wood, 21, who was with Marilyn Manson, 40, says: "I don't think it works. I think it's a bad idea. I think as long as you learn from it - good or bad experience - it's an experience, and you should take something away from it." Of the new Woody Allen film Whatever Works, Evan says: "I spoke to Larry [David] about it and told him if the relationship went any further sexually I wouldn't have done the movie... That's one of the things that I liked about the relationship in the movie; it never crosses that line or gets creepy." [Daily Express]
• Wow. According to this article, "Before [Jada Pinkett Smith's new show] Hawthorne and HBO's The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency debuted a few months ago (starring Jill Scott), it had been 35 years since an African-American woman was the lead in a TV drama." [Newsweek]
• Even though Carrie Prejean has been telling everyone she and her new boobs were offered Playboy, insiders say there was never an offer on the table. Hmm. [Extra]
• A "select band of Los Angeles wordsmiths," Lab Twenty6, has refused to let Peaches Geldof join their discussion group. [The Sun]
• Joy Behar rarely leaves her neighborhood. So what? [NY Mag]
• Eva Mendes got all verklempt while discussing her work with The Art of Elysium, an organization that encourages working actors, artists and musicians to voluntarily dedicate their time and talents to children battling serious medical conditions. Thank God for waterproof mascara," she sniffed. [WWD]
• Katie "Jordan" Price bought a horse, which this paper claims "will ease the pain of her split with hubby Peter Andre." [The Sun]
• Weird: Someone is trying to form a group called New Kids On The Block. So the real New Kids On The Block are suing. [TMZ]
• Singer Nivea Hamilton and model Lauren London are both pregnant by rapper Lil Wayne. For some reason we thought he reproduced when you spilled water on him? [Perez]
• Amy Poehler will star in Lunch Lady, a flick based on a children's graphic novel series — titles include Lunch Lady and the League of Librarians and Lunch Lady and the Cyborg Substitute, both of which are due this summer. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Matt Damon might play Lance Armstrong in a biopic. Do we approve? [Mirror]
• "DJ Jazzy Jeff says his weekend performance in Kansas City was stopped because of censorship, not race." [AP]
• Blind item! "Which very married actor had a flirtatious folly with a gay hairdresser?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Those are two very different communities, but something they both share is love of celebration. My relationship with the gay community is long-standing and loyal, and I love them very much. I consider my music to be very gay, and I love that it is gay." — Lady GaGa on being embraced by the gay and hip-hop "communities." [USA Today]
• "She's just a great, crazy character who is psychologically complex, a textbook sociopath. But she's charming and seemingly sweet, even when she does really bad things. Who wouldn't want to play a character like that?" — Gina Gershon, on playing socialite Pat Allanson in the Lifetime mobie Everything She Ever Wanted. [USA Today]
• "[I] will sometimes hold off on the insulin, which will jack my blood sugar level up to the low 200 range. It's like how a prizefighter will want to go into the ring with his blood sugar levels high. It gives you the stamina of a bull. So, yes, sometimes I will endanger my own life to pleasure a woman." — Bret Michaels. [Perez]
• "Music is about listening not looking. That's why I wore these huge baggy dresses on stage with The Cranberries… I basically had the wrong kind of love and attention around me. I lived six years in a bus with strangers, touring the world with the band, seeing the insides of hotels. I lost touch with my friends. I was lonely all that time. I went nuts I was so lonely. These were days before mobile phones so I had to find a phonebox just to talk to my parents. I lost a lot of my youth." — from a worthwhile interview with Dolores O'Riordan. [Independent]
• Yeah, we played [brother and sister], but at least we're not related in real life! Good God! I thought it would be creepy for him, but it's not." — Evan Rachel Wood on dating former Once and Again costar Shane West. [NY Daily News]
• "Being nice and adorable isn't funny. I enjoyed being a bitch. Everyone does. They are always better written and it's a relief… Then they said, 'Here's this woman director we like, Anne Fletcher. Can she come and meet you?' I met her and within five minutes, she said the word 'vagina,' and I'm like (her voice rising giddily), 'I love her.' " — Sandra Bullock, on why she wanted to do The Proposal. [USA Today]
• "I may never hear that word 'mom.' But being a parent is not about breeding. It's about caring. And it's easy to say, but it's harder to do. When you don't have that title, you flounder and it hurts. But this is the best test of being a parent. And I just have to keep reminding myself I don't care what I get. I care what I give." — Sandra Bullock, on being a stepmom. [USA Today]
• "I get more naked this season than I did last season. We have a really great crew and everyone's really respectful. It's not an issue for me… [But] I work my ass off. I'm very careful about what I eat, and I work out a lot. My costume entails bathing suits, short-shorts and nude scenes, come on! I don't want to be perpetuating the myth that women actually do look exactly like the way they look in magazines and on television through absolutely no effort!" — Anna Paquin on True Blood. [E!]

• Jessica Alba put up posters of sharks in Oklahoma City — defacing a United Way billboard — and then took pictures of herself, arms raised victorious. Turns out…

The landlocked city wasn't too keen on being plastered with shark posters and the United Way — a non-profit — will have to pay to have them removed. Alba has released a statement which reads: "I got involved in something I should have had no part of. I realize that I should have used better judgment and I regret not thinking things through before I made a spontaneous and ill-advised decision to let myself get involved with the people behind this campaign. I sincerely apologize to the citizens of Oklahoma City and to the United Way for my involvement in this incident." By the by, the "campaign" is supposed to raise awareness of Great White sharks, not that the posters have any text about that, anywhere. [TMZ]

• Kendra Wilkinson: Pregnant. [Perez]
• LOL: "Beyoncé drives 15 yards from hotel to go shopping." Involved: Two chauffeur-driven cars and a "group" of bodyguards. [Telegraph]
• Brad Pitt hit up the Art Basel event in Switzerland and purchased a swirly oil painting of a race car (seen here) for just under one million bucks. [WSJ]
• Madonna is "on top of the world" and "just days away" from adopting Malawian kid Mercy James, who will arrive in NYC via private jet. [The Sun]
• Britney is trying to get rid of London concert tickets, selling them at the bargain-basement price of £2. [The Sun]
• And! A '"source" is confirming that Britney is dating her agent, Jason Trawick, whom she "always had a crush" on and is also one of her brother Bryan's best friends. [People]
• Uh-oh, Tonys drama: Even though Neil Patrick Harris was joking about it, and immediate word was that Bret Michaels was okay, Bret was never informed that the set piece would be descending — so he did not "miss a mark," as reported. And Bret's rep says: "Had this incident happened to Liza Minnelli, Dolly Parton or Elton John the Tonys would have at least issued a letter of concern." True that! [Rolling Stone]
• Kanye West and Amber Rose: Dunzo. In a word: Boo. They were hot together. [Page Six]
• Take a moment and read this great piece, in which John Krasinski interviews Maya Rudolph. [BlackBook]
• Chris Brown was at a club in Miami, and so was Khloe Kardashian, but a source makes sure to say: "They were not there together. [E!]
• Congrats to Thomas Beattie, the "pregnant man," who has given birth to his second child, a baby boy. [ABC News]
• "Jon & Kate more popular than Brangelina?" Apparently the People issue with Jon on the cover sold very well. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Headline of the day: "Tina Fey: Let's Face It; She Rocks." [LA Times]
• Ugh, these two are seriously playing things out in the press way too much: Kelly Rutherford's estranged husband says he wasn't notified of his daughter's birth on Monday night and had to read about it on the Internet like the rest of us plebes. [People]
• Good news: Mad Men and AMC have settled that dispute over the two minutes that were going to be cut. The solution: The show will run over into the 11pm hour. No complaints here! [Deadline Hollywood]
• Ugh, why, why?!?! "David Carradine Sex Toy Shopping List." [TMZ]
• The Australian Prime Minister is calling Gordon Ramsay a "new form of lowlife" after the chef called a female TV presenter a pig and a lesbian in front of 3,000 people at a live cooking show. [Independent]
• Gordon Ramsay has apologized for his comments, saying he realized "with hindsight" that what he said was inappropriate. But it can't be undone, sir! [The Star]
• Even Gordon Ramsay's mother was "disgusted" by his remarks. [Yahoo News via AFP]
• Set your DVR: Kathy Griffin will visit the Late Show with David Letterman for the first time in 12 years. [UPI]
  
• Want to see a picture of Mickey Rourke as Whiplsh in Iron Man 2? Click the link! [USA Today]
• Ever one to keep the world guessing, Lauryn Hill has canceled all of her European tour dates. [Yahoo News via AP]
• At the Apollo Theater's 75th Anniversary concert, Prince called Patti LaBelle "My mother, my teacher, my cook and my stylist." [Gatecrasher]
• James Van Der Beek and wife: Splitsville. Hoping someone will use that awesome weepy Dawson animated gif! [Us Weekly]
• Q: How do you maintain your ageless beauty? What beauty products would we find in your bathroom? Vanessa Williams: "Twice a year I receive Botox injections from a doctor whom I trust very much. I also have some favorite beauty products that I use on a daily basis-Perfekt's Skin Perfection Gel and Mila Moursi's moisturizing oil." Q: What defines sexy for you in terms of your own personal style at 46? Vanessa Williams: " Being at ease with yourself and your body is sexy. Every woman should accentuate their best assets and not be afraid to show them off." [Essence.com]
• Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson's son Colin Hanks got engaged, and Rita gave the bride-to-be a $10,000 handbag as congratulations. What will the wedding gift be??? [Page Six]
• For some reason, it is "newsworthy" that Katie "Jordan" Price is taking kickboxing. In fact, this paper spins it as she's "getting fit for her divorce." Dumb. [The Sun]
• Usher was seen entering a hotel with a woman who works at a record label. Business or pleasure? [Page Six]
• Etta James' At Last — along with twenty four other "culturally significant recordings" — have been selected for preservation in the sound archives of the Library Of Congress' National Recording Registry. [USA Today]
• "Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees is lending his voice to the fight for artists' rights in the age of digital piracy." [Breitbart]
• "Bombshell: He has been hailed as the greatest living Welshman, but records of Sir Tom Jones's ancestry have revealed the awkward truth: he is three-quarters English." [Times Of London]
• Blind item! "Which music man brings along three necessities on all his tours: men in tight shorts, muscular food servers and Persian rugs?" [Gatecrasher]
• "It was totally a publicity stunt. 100%. I have her [Peaches] on retainer. Not as my PR, as my friend. On my personal payroll. She's my friend for money. She also orchestrates publicity stunts for me." — Max Drummey, Peaches Geldof's ex-husband, joking (?) about their marriage. [Daily Mail]
• "It's been really unpleasant and makes you feel really vulnerable. But the fact of the matter is that we did not lose everything. We lost hard-earned money that we worked very hard for that was what we thought in a safe place. It's painful but a lot of people lost a lot more. And we have a lot of things to be grateful for in our life, and we never ever forget that." — Kyra Sedgwick on she and Kevin Bacon investing with Bernie Madoff. [AP]
• "My uncle owned a camp in Minnesota, a girls' camp that's still up and running called Camp Birchwood. All the cool things I know how to do, I learned how to do at camp… Like carry a canoe on my back for miles and miles. That's kind of cool." — Julia Roberts, who was at an event raising money for Paul Newman's Hole in the Wall camps. [USA Today]
• "Separate 'sexist' from 'sex.' There's a lot of discussion about sex on the show, and I think people have a knee-jerk reaction: 'Oh, my God, that's sexist!' People kind of lose their minds as soon as they hear the word or prefix 'sex.'" — David Duchovny. [LA Times]
• "I thought back to when I was in high school: I was very into music, but the equipment was really expensive and hard to get a hold of. The basketball court at school was free. Or it was free to play a violin or a drum set, but the way music on the radio is made, there was nothing in high school that helped with that." — Kanye West, on the the Kanye West Foundation, a charity which helps kids learn to write music and use music studio equipment. [USA Today]
• "There was no one who inspired me or who I thought was worthy." — Paul McCartney, on why he didn't vote in he European elections. [Telegraph]
• "Ryan is rock hard, but no no no no, nothing was hard. I'm sure it gets hard, but not that time, and it was all fine. I mean, I wouldn't know if he had anything down there because I never looked!" — Sandra Bullock on her nude scene with Ryan Reynolds in The Proposal. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Q: How do you keep that body in shape? When I told a friend I was talking to you, he said, "Ask her how she gets that ass!" A: "I wasn't blessed in the upstairs department. Baby was given some back at birth. Didn't know what to do with it at first, but it's just what I got. The purpose is to maintain it and keep it where it is. I was an athlete all my life. I have an athlete's body. I don't have a model's body. We also get paid to go to the gym. But you know, I get lazy just like everyone else. I'm not a fanatic. I love to feel good, but I'll put on weight. But if you're getting paid to be naked, you do put the incline on six and stay on there a little bit longer because it's like, If my ass is going to be on camera, let's make sure it's in the right place when they start rolling film." — Sandra Bullock. [Yahoo News via E!]
• "My whole theory on this part is, I won the lottery. Not only am I on this show with incredible writers and all that, but I've been given a part they can have play good stuff and bad stuff, all at once. I'm not just in the comedic parts, I'm not just in the dramatic parts, it's an incredible role in which you can kind of ride the rail between both things." — John Krasinski, on The Office. [LA Times]
• "She's out there drinking and partying and she should not be doing that. People see her drinking. She should stay away from it. With the drugs, I think she's in a much better place than she used to be. But I have a problem with her being even on prescription medication." — Michael Lohan on daughter Lindsay. [Perez]
• "Truth… autographs R annoying." — Ashton Kutcher. [Perez]
• "I'm proud of my sexuality . . . I embrace it. [But] I'm trying to be a singer, not a civil rights leader." Adam "Glambert" Lambert. [Page Six]
• "I do not wear, buy or own fur or animal skin other than leather or skin of animals raised for feeding pur poses. I am not a vegetarian and I don't find it illogical to wear skins of animals whose meat is also eaten. I would gladly consider giving away sable, fox and other fur coats — if I owned any." — Carla Bruni, in a letter to PETA. [Page Six]
• I think Susan has an amazing voice. But she needs to work on the pose. I think she should come up with something new, since she's such a huge celebrity now. I suggest getting a stylist. She could look really hot if she just wore some pretty dresses." — Paris Hilton on Susan Boyle. [Mirror]

• Miley Cyrus and Justin Gaston have split after less than a year together. A source says the breakup was a result of Miley's traveling, and not Nick Jonas, although he and Miley "have been spending time together." [Us]

• Adam Lambert's debut album is set to drop in the fall. He says, "It's going to be ridiculous! Get Ready!!!" [People]
• And Lambert's "official coming out cover of Rolling Stone" apparently includes a disturbingly-placed snake. [Perez Hilton]
• Megan Fox is in favor of legalizing marijuana. If it ever happened, she says, she'd be the "first person in line to buy a pack of joints." [TMZ]
• In what is perhaps the most superficial news item ever, Heidi Montag Pratt is starting a dry shampoo line inspired by her hair care experiences on I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!. [Life & Style]
• Also, Heidi and Spencer have left the show for real this time. Hollywood publicist Michael Levine says, "the audience is also ridiculous for partnering in their absurdity." Well, yeah. [ABC]
• Adam Ant credits his comeback from "his deranged and bloated appearance" seven years ago to regular exercise and his girlfriend Clare, who makes sure he eats "only the finest healthy food." [Daily Mail]
• DJ Jazzy Jeff "stormed off the stage" at Kansas City venue Power & Light District, and later said managers stopped the show "for playin' hip hop." The managers say they just wanted him to turn the music down. [Breitbart]
• Okay, so maybe Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore didn't invite Susan Boyle to sing at their anniversary. [Telegraph]
• On September 9, Natalie Cole will give her first concert after her kidney transplant and her sister's death. [AP, via Yahoo News]
• David Carradine's ex-wife says he once suspended himself from a rope in a crucifixion position while she was giving a party. When she asked him what he was doing, he said, "I really would like a sandwich." [TMZ]
• The Thai police say the FBI can get involved in investigating Carradine's death, but only in an "observer role." [TMZ]
• And photos of Carradine's body show that the rope around his neck was knotted in the front, making it more likely his death was an accident. Apparently people who practice bondage frequently knot ropes in the front for easier release. [TMZ]
• Thirty-four-year-old Enrique Iglesias says he's not yet "mature" enough to father Anna Kournikova's children. [TMZ]
• A new play about Kurt Cobain is running in London, but will it be as good as Christopher Walken's play about Elvis? [Independent]
• Bret Michaels broke his nose and split his lip when he was hit by a falling sign at the Tony Awards, but he was apparently really nice about it. [People]
• Emeril Lagasse helped Jon and Kate Gosselin prepare a meal for their 100th episode. The menu included green bean casserole, chili macaroni, and, oddly, granola. [People]
• A Toni Braxton impersonator accused of telling a Suriname audience she was the real Toni Braxton has been acquitted. WTF. [AP, via Yahoo News]
• Mike Tyson has married his girlfriend after the death of their daughter Exodus. [Radar Online]
• Shanna Moakler surprisingly took the high road in response to Travis Barker's defamatory tweets. She had her reps tell OK!, "Shanna is not going to play out her personal relationships in the media." Her relationship to Carrie Prejean's breasts is another story.[Perez Hilton]
• Depeche Mode has resumed its tour after singer Dave Gahan's cancer surgery. [NYT]
• In potentially disturbing news for St. Lucia's youth, Amy Winehouse has pledged to help them. [Mirror]
• OK! is taking Emma Watson's statement that "there's something going on" between Robert Pattinson and Kristin Stewart as proof that they are together. [OK!]
• But Watson's publicist says the statement is made up! [Perez Hilton]
• Some sources say Leonardo Dicaprio and Bar Rafaeli have broken up. [People]
• Others say they are still together, but "miserable-looking." [TMZ]
• Paris Hilton loves Doug Reinhardt, but not Kim Kardashian — according to Doug Reinhardt. [E! Online]
• Anika Noni Rose says Jennifer Hudson will be a great mom. "It's been a harrowing year for her and I hope that she finds comfort, joy and support and that she can move forward with her new baby," Rose adds. [People]
• Prince reportedly needs two hip replacements, but refuses because, as a Jehovah's Witness, he can't get a blood transfusion. [Showbiz411.com]
• A tabloid reporter slyly questions whether Brooke Shields's mom really has dementia, then says he and Teri Shields were great friends and that "most of our wonderful afternoons together never resulted in a story." What a saint. [National Enquirer]
• Terrence Howard says the Obamas should go to Prague on one of their date nights, because it is "an untapped resource of love and romance," while Paris is "overused." Russell Simmons thinks they should go to a yoga studio. [Politico]
• "I went to see Andrea Bocelli last night. The first time I've been out in months. The Hollywood Bowl allowed me to use my wheelchair." — Elizabeth Taylor, via Twitter [CNN]
• "I think I'm either naive or insane to play her - maybe a little bit of both!" — Anne Hathaway, on playing Judy Garland in an upcoming biopic [Daily Express]
• "I have a body that girls can look at and go, Oh she's not anorexically skinny. She looks healthy and she's got cellulite, yeah!" — Hayden Panettiere [E! Online]
• "(These shows) are a reflection of our society. You hear kids saying that they want to be famous, and when you ask them what for, they don't know - they just want to be famous. It's like there is this lack of passion in the doing of something that that might bring you riches. When I was little, I never said I wanted to be famous, I said I wanted to be a musician." — Lenny Kravitz, on reality shows [Daily Express]
• "He violated me. I never told anybody. I just buried it as deeply as I could and kept people at an arms length. I never really let a person get too close to me. I could have been married years ago, but I had a commitment issue." — Queen Latifah, speaking out for the first time about her childhood sexual abuse [The Sun]
• "Just know that this too shall pass.… Next week, it will be someone else on the cover [of magazines] and you can go about your life." — the sage Tori Spelling, advising Jon and Kate Gosselin on their notoriety [LA Times]

• Paris Hilton's dogs live better than you do. She posted pictures via Twitter of their doghouse—for her 13 purse-sized dogs—that was designed as a mini version of her own home. [Daily Mail]

• Women who have had sex with David Carradine are beginning to come out of the woodwork, talking about the late actor's penchant for auto-erotica (which does not involve cars…maybe) and how he'd "spend days planning to construct elaborate sexual devices." [TMZ]
• The headline "FBI Allowed To Observe Carradine Probe" sounds super perverted after reading about Carradine's sex life. [CBS News]
• Diddy was seen leaving the home of Miley Cyrus. Maybe he prayed to baby Jesus for such an encounter with the star, just like Spencer Pratt did. [Perez Hilton]
• After all their back-and-forth publicity stunts on I'm a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! Heidi and Spencer are actually trying to leave the Costa Rican jungle for good, but can't get clearance to fly from doctors who have treated Heidi there. [TMZ]
• NBC has released pictures of the "torture chamber" in which Heidi and Spencer claim they were held in solitary confinement for three days without food or water. NBC says the pair were in there for 14 hours and were given rice and beans, as well as water. [TMZ]
• Even Heidi's reps are saying that the couple's claims of abuse are false. [Us]
• Tila Tequila is "not currently pregnant." Phew! After Tweeting, and then un-Tweeting, that she was knocked up, she clarified the confusion by saying, "The point is…maybe I was pregnant, or maybe I wasn't pregnant. I think that is something very personal." She posted that on her MySpace Celebrity blog, BTW. [People]
• Bret Michaels has a fractured nose and a busted lip from his run-in with a piece of a set at last night's Tony Awards. He always sucked at head banging. [Yahoo]
• Britney Spears' conservators have filed a response to her former manager Sam Lutfi's lawsuit against her in which he seeks cash for unpaid work, as well as damages stemming from an "assault." [TMZ]
• Gwen Stefani will grace the cover of July's Elle, in which she discusses her future with No Doubt, saying, "Everybody's making it like there's all this tension, you know, like I stepped away from the band and now they're jealous of me." Yeah, who could've put that idea out there? (*Cough* "Don't Speak" video *Cough*) [Just Jared]
• Kelly Bensimon of Real Housewives of New York was ordered to two days of community service for assaulting her ex-boyfriend in March. Her charges will be removed from her record if she completes the work and stays out of trouble for a year, which is a good thing, since she wouldn't want her name attached to something like that. [TMZ]
• Katee Sackhoff—aka Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica—will be joining the cast of 24 as a series regular next season. Frack yeah. [EW]
• Chuck Bass wants people to stop calling him fat. [E!]
• Susan Boyle is back home, well, and with her beloved Pebbles. [People]
• Danny Boyle is getting the gang back together. The director has bought the rights to turn Maximum City: Bombay Lost and Found—a book penned by Slumdog Millionaire screenwriter Simon Beaufoy—into a movie that he is planning to shoot with his Slumdog team in Mumbai. [Telegraph]
• Here's news you don't get to hear that often: DMX doesn't have to go to jail. After pleading guilty to felony attempted aggravated assault, he was given 18 months probation. Yay! Party up (up in here)! [TMZ]
• Get ready for three more years of EVOO. CBS has renewed The Rachel Ray Show through 2012. [Mediaweek]
• CBS News says that Julia Roberts has a "brand new role" as a philanthropist because of her involvement with Paul Newman's Hole in the Wall Camps. The article then went on to talk about how Roberts has been involved with the organization for 13 years. [CBS News]
• Rosie O'Donnell is a fellow philanthropist, donating "in excess of $50 million" to various charities. [CBS News]
• Ashton Kutcher Tweeted that he's "gonna have nightmares" after helping his wife Demi Moore sort through her vast collection of rare dolls. There was no mention of whether any of the over 3000 dolls were robbed from a cradle. [Daily Express]
• Sherri Shepherd's Tweeting got her in trouble with her nutritional coach and trainer—who follow The View co-host on the networking site—after she posted about eating buffalo wings and fried calamari this weekend. [People]
• "Man of faith" Terry O'Quinn—who plays John Locke on Lost—was noticeably snubbed from the ballot of this year's Emmy nominations. [NY Mag]
• Pete Wentz spit on a paparazzo—who tried to take a picture of him and his wife Ashlee Simpson—at his birthday party in Vegas on Saturday night. He turned 30. [Perez Hilton]
• John Travolta will not be doing any press or promotional appearances for his latest film, The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (which opens Friday) because he admittedly is still grieving the loss of his son Jett. [People]
• Are Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson back on? She's been meeting up with him on the road while Mötley Crüe is on tour, according to Vince Neil. But he also said it probably has to do with their kids. [Mirror]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin—as in Jon and Kate Plus 8— haven't been as lucky in the housing market as Paris' dogs. Their old home has been on the market for 89 days and isn't budging. Aren't they going to be needing separate residences soon anyway, to fit all their bodyguards and girlfriends? [People]
• The Humane Society is now after the Gosselins after receiving dozens of complaints about how the couple's children are abusive to the family dogs. [People]
• "He used to show me all the sex tapes of him before they got on the Internet." - John Stamos talking about hanging out with Bret Michaels when the two were neighbors a few years back. [NY Mag]
• "Could you imagine the same thing happening to Anthony Bourdain? He could have negotiated his way out with a bottle of Crown Royal and some Marlboro reds." - Margaret Cho in her call for action against North Korea's sentencing of journalists Euna Lee and Laura Ling. [MySpace via ONTD]
• "Obviously there's always people can say it's cheesy, it's whatever, but to me it feels real, to me it feels I truly do it because I feel it just feels real at that moment so I just can't stop." - Enrique Iglesias not making sense, but feeling real about it. [Mirror].
• "I'll always be grateful for the sound advice, the friendship, the inspiration that Jon [Voight] gave me. Hopefully, when I'm older and wiser, I can pass on the favor to someone else. Even if it is just my cellmate." - Shia LaBeouf. [ONTD]

Nikki, aka DJ Lady Tribe, said that someone that she "met" put her in rehab, and she experienced "two weeks having fun sober," although it would seem from her demeanor at the reunion that she's returned to having fun in other ways. You should really read this behind-the-scenes at the reunion recap. Apparently, Brittanya doesn't know what "philosophy" means, a few girls got new weaves (some better than others), and Brittaney really does have an African-American grandfather.

Touch My Backstage Pass…And Take A Shot Out Of It: Behind The Scenes At The Rock Of Love Bus Reunion [VH1 Blog]
Earlier: The Most Amazing Display Of Drunken Sexuality In Reality TV History

In this clip, he lets Mindy down softly, and she put it pretty succinctly when she said, "Spare me."

Given how this season started out — with women taking shots out of each other's vaginas — last night's episode was kinda what I imagine sex with Bret is like for most of these girls: Anticlimactic. Having eliminated all the drunken partiers a few episodes back, ROL Bus has been running on (hair spray) fumes in its final weeks. At least we have the reunion show to look forward to, but more importantly, we'll be seeing these ladies again on Charm School with Ricki Lake.

Earlier: The Most Amazing Display Of Drunken Sexuality In Reality TV History

But his next target? Jessica Simpson, played by a woman with more weight on her than the singer has.

In case you miss it, there's attention paid to her "fat." Also, she is eating a burger whenever possible.

Reference is made to Amy Winehouse, but we'll get to her later.

A Kim Kardashian look-alike also plays a part in this video, intimidating mere mortals with her otherworldly ass.

Next we see Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson doppelgangers. The lyrics: "Lindsay, please come back to seein' men: Samantha's a two, you're practically a ten." The way "seein' men" is rapped, it sounds like "semen."

Then Eminem, dressed as Spock, puts a sleeper hold on "Uhura."

Right after Em mentions Ellen and Portia, (he says, "Sorry, Portia, what's Ellen DeGeneres have that I don't, are you telling me tenderness?") we see Sarah Palin, showing bra.

The Asian playing Inuit and the polar bear seem cribbed from SNL.

But Eminem doesn't just make fun of women, or reality stars. He makes fun of himself. Here he is as Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man, which is not only a tip of the hat to critics who say he is nothing without his producer but Em's own way of toying with the notion that he's the "idiot savant" who only knows one thing —how to rap — and not how to behave in public or be politically correct.

But it's about 3:13 miuntes in, when Eminem — as Spock — visits "Planet Womyn" — that will probably get people all riled up. This barren wasteland of butch dyke sterotypes finds Em fighting "Sam" Ronson while "Lindsay" looks on…

… From a cage. Homophobia alert.

Still, after dressing like Elvis and making out with "Amy Winehouse," it's intersting that Em is seen doing this:

Sticking the body of Kim Kardashian in a wood chipper [shades of 'Hustler'? Or 'Fargo'? -Ed.] , and watching cash come out. Because honestly, as the chorus of this song goes, "We're the ones who made you." It's easy to make fun of these women but to also see that they are targets, and in most cases, the more we talk about them, the more money they generate. Celebrity is a business that eats people alive, and there's an entire layer of this video which acknowledges this fact.

And "Sarah Palin" pulling off "Bret's" bandanna to find him bald is just hilarious, and something we have all speculated about.

While Eminem's video might be sexist and homophobic and also a little bit funny, at least he doesn't let himself off the hook: He's in the electric chair, getting fried.

By turning the attacks on himself, the video feels more like a zany free-for-all and a nihilistic look at one man's lost place in society than a straight-up attack on women and gays. It's not especially shocking; especially considering the kind of lyrics and videos hip-hop is known for. But judge for yourself:

Eminem — We Made You [This Is 50]

Last night, I had a dream wherein I was sitting in the front row of a Bret Michaels concert, waiting for him to perform and announce who he'd chosen to win Rock of Love Bus. But I screwed up his entire concert when I called him out for playing "Pour Some Sugar On Me."

"That's not even your song," I yelled. "That's not your song, Bret!"

Bret then had to take a thirty minute break to pull himself together. Apparently, my outburst, a fellow audience member informed me, had "set off his 'beetus."

To summarize: last night, I ruined a Bret Michaels concert by sending him into diabetic shock after yelling at him about singing a song about pouring sugar on himself. I am not making this up, which makes this even more embarrassing: my brain is putting together bits of Bret Michaels' life while I'm sleeping, which means I should probably stop watching Rock of Love Bus before bed. Or ever, really.

When I woke up, I was both amused and horrified. The dream also included a weird labyrinthine home of Bret's, which had doors that could only be opened via a secret combination, which I did not have. I was trapped in Bret's house, with no way out, which is how I often feel while watching Rock of Love Bus: I want to look away, but I can't.

Does pop culture ever work its way into your subconscious? And if so, does it produce dreams or nightmares?

Somehow, he roped Charlie and Martin Sheen into this thing. (Martin plays his dad, and Charlie, who co-produced, has a cameo.) In the 1998 movie, Bret plays a convicted killer sentenced to death. He shaved his extensions off for this scene. It's just a little bit shinier on top than the sides.

Here's the trailer:

Also, from the E! THS: Bret still lands magazine covers.

I only wish he'd done this earlier in the season, while some of the other girls were still in the competition, like he did in season one, which gave us an ROL classic: Rodeo's love song for Bret that included the lyrics, "As we watch our kids at play under a rainbow of never ending love…Grab our kids, L.A. style, let's love right, baby, because I wanna fly."

Anyway, as Bret has said in the past, "Rock 'n' roll is an insatiable bitch goddess, but I love her. And I'm just looking for that one woman in my life to participate in that threesome." I guess that's why he thinks that penning lyrics is so key?

In the clip above, we have Jamie's and Mindy's songs. Enjoy.

Earlier: 'Rock Of Love' Is Music To Our Ears