The email:

You all know that I love you. I try to help you out where I can and I jerk off to your successes but when I saw a Disney Ad next to the Kristin Davis Blowjob pictures on Egotastic, I had no choice but to do a post. Reality is that I have no issue with his site, sure he's a virgin, but I love virgins, just ask my stepdaughter's friends.

I thought it was funny and newsworthy and hope you can link it because I am in the mood to get someone at Disney fired....I want to see this story on CNN so help.

And part of his post:

The most wholesome family corporation fucks up again. First, Walt Disney was caught molesting kids after taking them to his magic kingdom and showing them special cartoons he drew for them on his penis, true story my grandmother told me he did it to her. Then they made Nazi propaganda videos for Hitler to help kill the jews who were stepping on Disney's Waspy toes in Hollywoo. Then they were accused of subliminal messages in they movies trying to program kids to hate black people and gays and now they advertise next to porn.

I was scoping out some celebrity smut site that pretty much only posts celebrity nudity, sex tapes, nipple slips and upskirts next to some seriously desperate, virginal commentary and I was pretty shocked to see Goofy staring back at me.

So, was Musharraf, who'd just grudgingly conceded to share power with Bhutto and give up his army leadership position, behind the hit? That's what conspiracy theorists inside my kitchen seem to believe. But then you've gotta wonder how he did it. Did Mr. Enemy of Terrorism Musharraf contract out a suicide bomber from Al Qaeda Inc.? Or does the Pakistani Army have a top-secret suicide unit, and if so, what do you have to do to get yourself enlisted in that? Josh Foust, of Registan.net and "That's So Jane's!" columns of yore says the theory doesn't make sense. "She works much better as an opponent than as a martyr" for Musharraf, he claims. CNN seems to be focused on the question of what happens next: will they invoke military rule? (Isn't that what you would do?)

In the car with Lindsay at the time of the accident were two other adults. Which means she found two separate people to say at the same time: "You know, I would actually feel a lot better if you drove, Linds.."

Was it Whitney and Bobby? Robert Downey, Jr. and Tom Sizemore? Oh wait, Dina and Michael Lohan?? It's clear from her choice of footwear that her judgment is pretty impaired:

Also, we bet that if she had known there was coke in the car she wouldn't be in such a hurry to drive it somewhere. Doh! She'll face a judge. No one's bothered to provide us sentencing guidelines for this shit and we're not about to research it ourselves but no judge is unmerciful enough to subject America to another fucking starlet-faces-prison-hell saga so soon after Paris. If you're a big dork you'll notice that a certain prestigious news agency was in such a rush to get this story up that its link is spelled a little hastily.

Coke Found In DUI Investigation [TMZ]
Lindsay Lohan suspected of DUI after crash [CNN]
Nine-year-olds in Manhattan have a totally healthy perspective on all this [NY Times]

No, no — this morning's ABC Daytime scene-stealer is Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Or rather, the fetus currently residing inside Hasselbeck's uterus.

Yup, Hasselbeck is pregnant (and clearly keeping the child, deformed or not) with her second child with her high school sweetheart hubby, pro-footballer and fellow young Republican Tim Hasselbeck. And, here's the kicker: Elisabeth says she's due — rather conveniently, we might add — during November sweeps!

Little Elisabeth fetus, we know your mommy is pro-life, but she's clearly also pro-publicity ploys. Welcome to the 21st century, little one!

The View