Fred is really fashion-forward this season, with metallics and retro-looking bra and panty sets. (We're ignoring that lace monstrosity inset, mmkay?

So much silver! Pretty classy, considering.

The color here is called "Moonbeam." Heh. Moon. We haven't even gotten to the ass-centric part yet.

This would be a good outfit to wash dishes or pay bills in. I mean, it's going to lift your spirits! And your tits.

Has it ever occurred to you that "babydoll" is kind of a weird word to use when talking about lingerie? Empire waists and fluttery, ruffled chemises are fun, but let's leave Lolita, Baby Spice, Caroll Baker and other thoughts of sexualization of children out of it.

Am I turning into a prude? The more see-through it is, the less I like it.

Wait! I think I can get behind that flirty half-slip on the far right. Heh. Get behind.

If you're going to be riding in a one-horse open sleigh, you're going to need a bit more coverage. Especially with H, the teddy on the bottom left. A person could get frostbite in places you really don't want frostbite.

Mean Girls flashbacks, anyone? I enjoyed KG and the Power of 3.

Dear Santa,
If someone brings me a maribou-nipple thingie with "Jingle Bell Crotchless Boy Shorts," I will be sad…

…And I don't want a bow on my business, either.
Love,
Me.

Re: That woman on the far left. You'd be laughing, too, if you had a Fraggle in your cleavage.

This panty supposedly has a "low back." But isn't it so much more than that? Seems like you could go to the doctor's office and get a Malaria shot without even taking your undies off.

Here we go: Butt bows, butt laces, butt butterflies.

And! Special for 2009! Limited Edition! Rhinestones! In your butt!

No, really: Right up in there. Ouch.

Still, I can't hate on this catalog, because they carry plus sizes, some of the bras are quite lovely, and the retro -ish stuff is actually pretty! And some bras come in sizes up to 42F.

Just stay away from the cheeky crack charms. You'd better watch out. You'd better not try.

Earlier: Frederick's Of Hollywood's Marketing Techniques Haven't Changed Much In 45 Years
Frederick's Of Hollywood Has A Heart-On For Valentine's Day
Frederick's Of Hollywood: Not As Slutty As You Might Think! (But Still Pretty Slutty)

Click here for all previous catalog posts.

• Heidi Klum is not Superwoman, okay? She's not walking in the Victoria's Secret runway show a mere month after giving birth to her fourth child. She's just going to host it. Sheesh. Some people have such unrealistic expectations. [E!]

• Meanwhile, this year's angels have been named: Candice Swanepoel, Chanel Iman, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Emanuela de Paula, and Lindsay Ellingson have all been welcomed into the fold. [SB]
• In other important lingerie news, some people who sell bras in London say that 1950s-style pointy bras are gaining popularity. However, none of the equipment pictured looks that pointy. [Daily Mail]
• Tom Ford says he struggled with depression after leaving Gucci, in 2004. "I started to sink emotionally, spiritually. I became a little bit lost. Leaving Gucci, it intensified because I had been able to cling to my job and to my work and to my identity as a successful fashion designer, and all of a sudden that was gone. It forced me to really think, Well, what am I, who am I, what am I about? It took me a bit of time to figure that out. I think this happens to most people in their life if they're insightful enough to indulge it and to get through to the other side." [W]
• This week's episode of Project Runway was shot partly at the Getty Center, and the challenge for the contestants is to create outfits that somehow reflect the museum and its architecture. There's a free screening at 7 tonight at the museum. [LATimes]
• Lady Gaga is now backtracking from her earlier claims, to Flare magazine, in which she said she would do a clothing line "at some point." The singer told the Accessories Council awards gala that she and her styling team aren't into that: "We will never do a line; we are not an economy." Then Toms founder Blake Mycoskie reminded the audience, gathered to celebrate, in Diane Von Furstenberg's words "friends you can carry with you and they make you feel better," that "Shoes, for 40 percent of the world, are not an accessory. They're a necessity." [Style.com]
• 50 Cent's torso appears in all its smoothly airbrushed glory for his new fragrance campaign, which he revealed to People. [People]
• Stephanie Winston-Wolkoff, who, until this July, worked at Vogue and essentially ran the annual Met Costume Institute Gala, has just been confirmed as the new director of fashion week at Lincoln Center. [FWD]
• There's news about Isaac Mizrahi's QVC collection, which goes on sale December 4, but we know what we all really are curious about is the cheesecake that will be sold. It's made by Junior's, the top looks to be printed with tartan in edible inks, and the crust is chocolate-flavored cookies. It'll be $40. Also for sale will be an Isaac Mizrahi banana nut loaf and chocolate-chip cookies. Yum. [WWD]
• Sociology major and current Prada face Kendra Spears, on embarrassing moments: "Well, during a hurried interview backstage an investigatory journalist asked me what I liked to do when I was at home and I said, 'nothing too commotious.' Afterwards, I realized commotious isn't even a word." And on jobs she held, pre-modeling: "I worked part time as an assistant to the owner of a company called LiftPort which was (and may still be) in the forefront of technologies, mostly carbon nanotubes, to build an elevator into space." [W]
• Because of the weak economy, more parents are trying to get agency representation for modeling and talent work for their children. Also because of the weak economy, there are fewer jobs to go around, and those jobs are still offered are less well-paying. [WSJ]
• Rumor has it that John Galliano is designing and decorating this year's Christmas tree for London's Claridge's hotel. [Style.com]
• Joanna Lumley and Jennifer Saunders of Absolutely Fabulous are in the Marks & Spencer holiday ads. [Mirror]
• Designer Adam Lippes, who staffs his office with around 20 interns at any one time, says of them: "[I]t's rare to find an intern — especially one from a fashion school — that has good style. Because they try sooo hard, and it never works! You know?" Having been once dressed by an Adam Lippes intern who was wearing a kind of 1980s Medusa costume, with a corset, we are tempted to agree, but for chrissakes, Lippes, they work for you for free. (Also: look who's talking.) [The Cut]
• Photographer Jean-Baptiste Mondino is against France's proposed retouching laws, which would require digitally altered images to bear labels stating that they have been, well, digitally altered. He tells Libération Next, "The photos of old Hollywood? Retouched! The iconic image of Che Guevara? Retouched! All the photos taken by Richard Avedon of Marilyn Monroe? Retouched! And all of this before today's software existed, of course. Legs were lengthened using a wide angle; skins were smoothed through overexposure." Because using a wide-angle lens is exactly the same as scissoring one head onto another body and placing the Frankenstein creation into a separately shot background and then liquifying the nose a little and changing the light source and strength and whittling down the waist. [WWD]
• Christian Siriano's holiday collection for Payless has turned up online. Are these even supposed to bear any resemblance to what he shows with his runway collection anymore? [Payless]
• Jodi Arnold, starting with her resort collection, is changing the name of her line from MINT Jodi Arnold, to Jodi Arnold NYC. The designer, who has a new job working on a collaboration with The Limited, also just opened her first store, a pop-up in Greenwich village. [WWD]
• The son of the founder of Escada is one of the bidders — in a consortium with the former head of Gucci and the department store owners Borletti Group — for the bankrupt German house. They are offering $118.2 million. [Reuters]
• Steve Madden is not only not bankrupt, it's feeling pretty acquisitory. C.E.O. Edward Rosenfeld says the company is on the lookout for brands worth $30-$40 million, but could splurge on something worth up to $100 million. [TS]
• Valentino head Stefano Sassi, says everything at the house is just great!!! Nothing to see here!!! Doth the C.E.O. protest too much? [Reuters]
• Liz Claiborne's third quarter losses were even bigger than expected. This is the company's eighth consecutive quarter of losing money. [WSJ]

A velvet-trimmed cream cone bra, the Sun tells us, has "come to light" and is going to auction in the UK. A guy from the auction house actually says, "Marilyn is an icon of the 20th century and very much loved by many people - not least for her marvellous cleavage." Oh, and the bra might have been worn "under her iconic white dress, most famously pictured blowing up around her waist above a hot air vent, in the iconic film the Seven Year Itch." There does not appear to be any evidence to support this. But they're probably right, I'm sure she only owned one bra, and the studio wouldn't have provided costumes or anything.

If you, too, wish to be loved for your marvellous cleavage, here are the "cunning secrets:"

1. Reinforced extra straps "running in a triangle from the centre of the bra over Marilyn's shoulders lifting it similar to how a suspension bridge works."

2. Underwire. Yes, this is a "cunning secret."

3. "An extra pair of added cups" - read: padding - that added an inch.

Or you can just show up at the auction and shell out some two thousand pounds for your own piece of the "2-D Sexy Icon" industry!

Monroe Wonder Bra Is Revealed [SunUK]

Although Japan's unmarried population has risen steeply in the last few years, and its birth-rate declined (possibly as a result of increased wealth and dedication by both sexes to career), the last year has witnessed the creation of a new movement: konkatsu, or "marriage-hunting." The term is a literal adaptation of "job-hunting," and the process is not dissimilar.

While the raft of new matchmaking services and sites are not unfamiliar, and matchmaking is as old as time, the pragmatic, modern, businesslike approach - and cultural embrace of the phenomenon - are. Basically, "marriage-hunting" employs the methodology of a successful job hunt. Konkatsu@net, a marriage-hunt site, explains the approach, as translated by Global Voices, thusly:

During a ‘job hunting' period, it's not only important to have contacts with the company you want to work for participating to its ‘company explanatory meeting' and interviews....In the same way, ‘marriage hunting' consists of many different activities.Men will ‘train their body', ‘improve their taste in choosing clothes', ‘increase the number of subjects to talk about' and ‘go to aesthetic salons'. Also women will ‘have aesthetic treatments for body and nails' and ‘learn how to cook'. All these measures are considered necessary to konkatsu. However, the most important thing is ‘increasing the number of opportunities to meet people'.

This particularly straightforward approach is, some feel, the result of a paradigm shift. Explains the maker of that forementioned bra, "Japanese women are becoming more aggressive than men, working actively to make marriage happen, whereas in the past it was men who led women toward marriage." And "aggressive" new women are the target demographic for the terrifying konkatsu bra, lingerie worthy of a regressive Bond villainess. We couldn't have made this up - nor would we have wished to:

Triumph's latest novelty bra features an electronic nuptial timepiece, putting women seeking spouses literally on the clock. If an engagement ring is inserted into the mechanism, the countdown stops and the bra plays Felix Mendelssohn's "The Wedding March." The bra also includes holders for the traditional seal some people use to sign off contracts and a pen for any possible nuptial agreement.

If this is the armor of female empowerment, well, we're doin it rong. One older lady objects to husband-hunting on more romantic grounds, writing on the Konkatsu message board,

They have got to take interviews and exams to meet their partner? They have to dress up to pretend like good person?
The people who make up these new words must have a plot. They try young people to feel rushed to get married and persuade to join the marriage agencies [ja]! Don't be deceived, ladies and gentlemen! Don't be rushed and don't fake yourself!

Japan: Marriage Hunting! [Global Voices]
Japan bra maker offers support for husband hunters [Reuters]

Vanity sizing, as anyone who's ever attempted to shop at Banana Republic knows, is nothing new. And, says the Times, "these days, many women - to their shock or glee - are finding that DD is becoming the new C." What this means is unclear. Either sizing is different, or we actually have bigger breasts on average - due to weight gain or surgical enhancement - or the population is aging, or maybe we're all just fitting our bras properly, thanks to Oprah and Stacey.

The piece acknowledges that a lot of women aren't thrilled to find out they're bigger busted than they imagined, which soothed my ruffled feathers somewhat after the irritating assumptions of that headline. For a lot of us, bra size is a very fraught issue. In my case, I'm the daughter of someone absolutely flat-chested...which became the feminine ideal in my house. When my boobs grew in - generous for my frame - I felt blowsy and trashy, consigned by my mother to a series of granny bras and "size Large" shirts. I took after my grandmother, who confided to me, not particularly helpfully, that her heavy chest was one of the great sadnesses of her life - a life, oddly, not short on genuine tragedies. Breasts never equaled "sexiness" to me - quite the contrary. They spelled unwelcome looks, buckling blouse plackets, hunched shoulders, and an unchosen sexuality that I felt misrepresented the serious young woman I wanted to become. When friends talked about wishing for bigger cup sizes, I was genuinely baffled: each advance through the alphabet felt to me like some kind of shame. The weird part was, I thought other people's curvaceous figures were amazing; it was just on me that the breasts became a sort of horrid alien imposition.

I got over this, to a degree, as one does: good bras, growing up, moving out and healthy relationships all helped me realize that my family was stark raving mad and that I had other things to worry about. But I still wonder when I see assumptions like that behind the Times headline. A friend of mine called me just the other day, downcast, having just been told that she was several bra sizes larger than she'd believed; the revelation, while it objectively contained no judgment, still affected how she thought of herself in relation to the world. In our lifetimes, our breasts and bra sizes change as much as anything in our bodies, and as in all things a degree of mental flexibility is necessary, but it's important for bra merchants and designers to understand that it's a sensitive subject and a bigger deal than it might seem. A little standardization might be nice. Or, as one plastic surgeon in the article says, "I wish they would get their act together and get their sizes straight."

Your Bra Size: The Truth May (Pleasantly) Surprise You [NY Times]

Okay, confession time: my cup does not runneth over, my breasts are an average size on a good day and they are pretty easily ignored, most of the time. I thought I was pretty comfortable with my boobage until I made a trip to Agent Provocateur.

While attempting to try on one pretty little bra, a saleswoman jumped into the fitting room with me and explained that Agent Provocateur sizes are not like "American bras" and that I should consider trying on different sizes. Okay, sizes are (frustratingly) different everywhere, so I tried to keep an open mind about it.

I awkwardly tried on my regular 34B while the saleswoman stood there ("Hey...uh...oh, you're not leaving? Okay....) and emitted an exasperated sigh. "Let's talk about bra sizing," she said. Great, I'm a female failure, I don't even know my proper bra size. She then ran out of the fitting room and came back with bigger bras. "You're a 32D," she said flatly.

What?

Me? A D-cup!? For small-to-average boob-havers out there, D is a magical-sounding size. That's the size that curvy movie stars and Joan Holloway probably have, right? D-cups fill out a sweater and fill up a hand. D-cups make even a t-shirt look feminine. Instead of regular coffee cups, I felt like I was holding cafe au lait bowls. I had, you know, breasts.

Naturally this made me a little excited, I felt like a 14-year-old who had just gotten sized at Victoria's Secret. Suddenly, I had to buy as many bras as I could, or else I might lose the magical-sounding D-cup. When I got home and looked at my receipt, I suddenly felt played. Just because I was a D-cup in Agent Provocateur sizes didn't mean I was a 34B in every other bra I owned. And, hey, there are a lot of women out there with larger breasts than me, how are they supposed to squeeze into these cute bras if they cut smaller?

But was I really getting tricked? Maybe I was caught up in the re-sized afterglow, but everyone is a different size in different brands of clothing. I've worked retail and I know there is a lot of vanity-sizing out there so it causes sizes to jump up and down. I have no problem trying on several sizes of dresses when I go to a new store, so why should I assume that I am always going to be the same size in my bra? It isn't Agent Provocateur's fault that I naively expected all bras to fit the same way and put up with some ill-fitting bras because I was lazy. Could women's magazines and morning talk shows be right, at least a little bit, about being open to wearing different bra sizes in different bras?

Earlier: Bra Science: Hope For Those Whose Cup Runneth Over
Wearing The Wrong Bra Can 'Damage' Breasts—So What?

Here are the main approaches the PajamaGram marketers use to make the sale (clip of full commercial above):

1.) Don't you like naked girls? Giving intimate clothing to someone means you might actually get to see a woman naked, since she'll have to take her current clothes off to put the new clothes on.

2.) Don't you like sex? Because some women might feel obligated. (BTW, how creepy-looking is this guy?)

3.) Don't you like large-breasted, good girls? The cut of this tank top is matronly enough, so you can safely assume that the woman you're giving a gift to — as possible exchange for a lay — is not a slut.

3.) Doesn't she expect little from you anyway? Chances are, if you're even considering this purchase, you probably haven't set the bar very high, in terms of what she thinks you're capable of providing — emotionally, romantically, financially, or otherwise — so really, you can't lose!

4.) Don't you wish she'd spend more time at home with you because whenever she's out with her girlfriends, she gets ideas in her head that you don't like? Keeping your girlfriend in loungewear will keep her close to your side.

5.) Don't you hate bras? If you order this gift, she will, too. Which means, naked breasts for you.

6.) Don't you deserve it? Treat yourself to a "thank you" you'll enjoy.