[Los Angeles, December 1. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

ART IS TEARING THEM APART!!111!: "Angelina is always all, 'I like art,'" says a source who owns every season of Friends on DVD. "It totally bums Brad out. You'll notice that he's pulling away from her. That's because she stinks of art appreciation! And also because he never stopped loving Jen."


YIPES, STRIPES: BRAD CAN'T STOP MISSING JEN: "The stripes in this picture reminded Brad of Jen's highlights circa 2001," says some guy who watched a Brad Pitt movie once, "He misses having a mate who understands the importance of matching hair. Gwyneth and Jen were happy to go along with it, but Angelina refuses to grow a beard. It's no wonder he's about to leave her and whisk Jen away to the salon to relive old times."


JEN'S BROKEN HEART IS ANGIE'S FAVORITE ART: "This painting represents the inside of Jen's heart after Brad and Angelina destroyed it," says Sally Fever, who once watched Life Or Something Like It and really didn't like it very much. "I hear that Angelina is going to buy it and have it made into a dress, so she can wear it at every movie premiere just to shove it in Jen's face. True story."


BABY NUMBER 8 HAS ANGIE FEELING GREAT: "This painting turned into a baby two minutes after this picture was taken," says 11-year-old Alice Beans, "and then Angelina adopted it, named it Screwujen and sent its first dirty diaper to Jennifer Aniston in the mail. I don't even know who these people are but my Aunt Kathy swears it's true."


BRANGELINA'S DAY OFF: "Brad's a big Ferris Bueller fan," claims my dog, who is currently asleep on the couch. "He thought it would be fun to reenact the art museum scene. Naturally this means he's leaving Angelina for his ex-wife."


SOURCE OF ANGIE'S POWER: REVEALED!!!: "This is the picture Angelina performs witchcraft to when she's ready to steal someone's husband away," says fake Dr. Albert Quack, "as you can see, the picture represents a great divide, which symbolized Angelina's ability to separate loving couples like Brad and Jen. It also represents a powerful vagina, and I don't think I need to explain how that fits in here. Or do I? I'd rather not, to be honest with you."


Feel free to come up with your own headlines in the comments!

[All Images Via Getty.]

Al Arabiya reports:

After making it on America's infamous "axis of evil," Syria will now become synonymous with Angelina Jolie's brood as the U.S. actress looks set to adopt a child from the Arab nation despite her partner Brad Pitt's objections.

Uh oh. Apparently, Brad is of the opinion that six kids is enough. The Jolie-Pitt clan currently counts three biological children and three adopted among their ranks, but Jolie has supposedly "fallen in love with" Syria after a recent trip, and insisted on adopting with or without her partner.

OK! Magazine reports that Jolie is adopting a little girl. Metro, a UK-based paper, offers some details from a source:

'He has made it clear that six children are more than he can handle,' claims an insider.

'The idea of one more seemed ludicrous, but Angie is determined to complete her rainbow family', said the source.

However, they also note that only Jolie's name was on the adoption papers for Maddox, who she adopted from Cambodia in 2002, while still married to Billy Bob Thorton. She also adopted Zahara solo, but Brad later legally become father of both kids. So it's possible that Angelina isn't driving Brad straight into Jen's arms with her baby-mania, but we still suspect that's the story tabloids are going to tell.

Angelina Jolie To Adopt Seventh, Syrian Child [TrueSlant]
Angelina Jolie Set To Adopt An Arab Child [Al Arabiya]
Angelina Jolie To Adopt Tot Number 7? [Metro]

[West Hollywood, October 27. Image via Getty]

Angelina Jolie channels Lara Croft - or Megan Fox - and it looks really uncomfortable in all kinds of ways. Not that, as her PR flacks would remind us EVERYONE IN THE WORLD DOESN'T STILL WANT TO SLEEP WITH HER STRAIGHT MEN GAY MEN LESBIANS STRAIGHT WOMEN BOW DOWN!


Yeah, everyone kinda misses the Buffalo 66 look. But there's something to be said for Christina Ricci just embracing Blythe Doll.


I'm sure we've seen this dress before (yay!), but - maybe because of her loyalty to former employer Kaiser Karl - when I picture Diane Kruger it's always in something like this: feather-embellished and fuzzy and haute.


Okay, I don't think Jenna Fischer's Grecian is the most flattering on her, although if she'd worked in a more structured fabric, it could have succeeded. Sometimes it seems like, instead of angels and devils, she's got a little "dowdy monster" on her shoulder whispering bad fashion advice.


Okay, so, I always love me some slightly-mature Valley of the Dolls, and Carla Gugino's rocking it. You will notice I am making no objection to the grape hue. I am working on it. I even - get this - just got a vintage bike with a carriage the color of Beaujolais Nouveau. It's called "The Sophisticate." And since my nom de guerre is "the petite sophisticate," it's like the universe was telling me that it was time to put aside my purple issues and move on.


I'm actually very interested to see what happens when Maria Menounos lifts her arms: does it suddenly skew poncho? Skirt? Or mini?


Do I love this corset action? No. Does it feel a little "romanticized bordello?" Yes. Does Melanie Laurent look stunning? You betcha.


See, I think I could like Jessica Lowndes' frock if my eye weren't distracted by her equally shiny accessories - which I just want to pick up in my beak and hoard in my nest.


Sue me. I love Bridget Fonda's 50's bohemian. You just know she cooks with garlic and likes folk music.

[Images via Getty]

• Jessica Alba put up posters of sharks in Oklahoma City — defacing a United Way billboard — and then took pictures of herself, arms raised victorious. Turns out…

The landlocked city wasn't too keen on being plastered with shark posters and the United Way — a non-profit — will have to pay to have them removed. Alba has released a statement which reads: "I got involved in something I should have had no part of. I realize that I should have used better judgment and I regret not thinking things through before I made a spontaneous and ill-advised decision to let myself get involved with the people behind this campaign. I sincerely apologize to the citizens of Oklahoma City and to the United Way for my involvement in this incident." By the by, the "campaign" is supposed to raise awareness of Great White sharks, not that the posters have any text about that, anywhere. [TMZ]

• Kendra Wilkinson: Pregnant. [Perez]
• LOL: "Beyoncé drives 15 yards from hotel to go shopping." Involved: Two chauffeur-driven cars and a "group" of bodyguards. [Telegraph]
• Brad Pitt hit up the Art Basel event in Switzerland and purchased a swirly oil painting of a race car (seen here) for just under one million bucks. [WSJ]
• Madonna is "on top of the world" and "just days away" from adopting Malawian kid Mercy James, who will arrive in NYC via private jet. [The Sun]
• Britney is trying to get rid of London concert tickets, selling them at the bargain-basement price of £2. [The Sun]
• And! A '"source" is confirming that Britney is dating her agent, Jason Trawick, whom she "always had a crush" on and is also one of her brother Bryan's best friends. [People]
• Uh-oh, Tonys drama: Even though Neil Patrick Harris was joking about it, and immediate word was that Bret Michaels was okay, Bret was never informed that the set piece would be descending — so he did not "miss a mark," as reported. And Bret's rep says: "Had this incident happened to Liza Minnelli, Dolly Parton or Elton John the Tonys would have at least issued a letter of concern." True that! [Rolling Stone]
• Kanye West and Amber Rose: Dunzo. In a word: Boo. They were hot together. [Page Six]
• Take a moment and read this great piece, in which John Krasinski interviews Maya Rudolph. [BlackBook]
• Chris Brown was at a club in Miami, and so was Khloe Kardashian, but a source makes sure to say: "They were not there together. [E!]
• Congrats to Thomas Beattie, the "pregnant man," who has given birth to his second child, a baby boy. [ABC News]
• "Jon & Kate more popular than Brangelina?" Apparently the People issue with Jon on the cover sold very well. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Headline of the day: "Tina Fey: Let's Face It; She Rocks." [LA Times]
• Ugh, these two are seriously playing things out in the press way too much: Kelly Rutherford's estranged husband says he wasn't notified of his daughter's birth on Monday night and had to read about it on the Internet like the rest of us plebes. [People]
• Good news: Mad Men and AMC have settled that dispute over the two minutes that were going to be cut. The solution: The show will run over into the 11pm hour. No complaints here! [Deadline Hollywood]
• Ugh, why, why?!?! "David Carradine Sex Toy Shopping List." [TMZ]
• The Australian Prime Minister is calling Gordon Ramsay a "new form of lowlife" after the chef called a female TV presenter a pig and a lesbian in front of 3,000 people at a live cooking show. [Independent]
• Gordon Ramsay has apologized for his comments, saying he realized "with hindsight" that what he said was inappropriate. But it can't be undone, sir! [The Star]
• Even Gordon Ramsay's mother was "disgusted" by his remarks. [Yahoo News via AFP]
• Set your DVR: Kathy Griffin will visit the Late Show with David Letterman for the first time in 12 years. [UPI]
  
• Want to see a picture of Mickey Rourke as Whiplsh in Iron Man 2? Click the link! [USA Today]
• Ever one to keep the world guessing, Lauryn Hill has canceled all of her European tour dates. [Yahoo News via AP]
• At the Apollo Theater's 75th Anniversary concert, Prince called Patti LaBelle "My mother, my teacher, my cook and my stylist." [Gatecrasher]
• James Van Der Beek and wife: Splitsville. Hoping someone will use that awesome weepy Dawson animated gif! [Us Weekly]
• Q: How do you maintain your ageless beauty? What beauty products would we find in your bathroom? Vanessa Williams: "Twice a year I receive Botox injections from a doctor whom I trust very much. I also have some favorite beauty products that I use on a daily basis-Perfekt's Skin Perfection Gel and Mila Moursi's moisturizing oil." Q: What defines sexy for you in terms of your own personal style at 46? Vanessa Williams: " Being at ease with yourself and your body is sexy. Every woman should accentuate their best assets and not be afraid to show them off." [Essence.com]
• Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson's son Colin Hanks got engaged, and Rita gave the bride-to-be a $10,000 handbag as congratulations. What will the wedding gift be??? [Page Six]
• For some reason, it is "newsworthy" that Katie "Jordan" Price is taking kickboxing. In fact, this paper spins it as she's "getting fit for her divorce." Dumb. [The Sun]
• Usher was seen entering a hotel with a woman who works at a record label. Business or pleasure? [Page Six]
• Etta James' At Last — along with twenty four other "culturally significant recordings" — have been selected for preservation in the sound archives of the Library Of Congress' National Recording Registry. [USA Today]
• "Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees is lending his voice to the fight for artists' rights in the age of digital piracy." [Breitbart]
• "Bombshell: He has been hailed as the greatest living Welshman, but records of Sir Tom Jones's ancestry have revealed the awkward truth: he is three-quarters English." [Times Of London]
• Blind item! "Which music man brings along three necessities on all his tours: men in tight shorts, muscular food servers and Persian rugs?" [Gatecrasher]
• "It was totally a publicity stunt. 100%. I have her [Peaches] on retainer. Not as my PR, as my friend. On my personal payroll. She's my friend for money. She also orchestrates publicity stunts for me." — Max Drummey, Peaches Geldof's ex-husband, joking (?) about their marriage. [Daily Mail]
• "It's been really unpleasant and makes you feel really vulnerable. But the fact of the matter is that we did not lose everything. We lost hard-earned money that we worked very hard for that was what we thought in a safe place. It's painful but a lot of people lost a lot more. And we have a lot of things to be grateful for in our life, and we never ever forget that." — Kyra Sedgwick on she and Kevin Bacon investing with Bernie Madoff. [AP]
• "My uncle owned a camp in Minnesota, a girls' camp that's still up and running called Camp Birchwood. All the cool things I know how to do, I learned how to do at camp… Like carry a canoe on my back for miles and miles. That's kind of cool." — Julia Roberts, who was at an event raising money for Paul Newman's Hole in the Wall camps. [USA Today]
• "Separate 'sexist' from 'sex.' There's a lot of discussion about sex on the show, and I think people have a knee-jerk reaction: 'Oh, my God, that's sexist!' People kind of lose their minds as soon as they hear the word or prefix 'sex.'" — David Duchovny. [LA Times]
• "I thought back to when I was in high school: I was very into music, but the equipment was really expensive and hard to get a hold of. The basketball court at school was free. Or it was free to play a violin or a drum set, but the way music on the radio is made, there was nothing in high school that helped with that." — Kanye West, on the the Kanye West Foundation, a charity which helps kids learn to write music and use music studio equipment. [USA Today]
• "There was no one who inspired me or who I thought was worthy." — Paul McCartney, on why he didn't vote in he European elections. [Telegraph]
• "Ryan is rock hard, but no no no no, nothing was hard. I'm sure it gets hard, but not that time, and it was all fine. I mean, I wouldn't know if he had anything down there because I never looked!" — Sandra Bullock on her nude scene with Ryan Reynolds in The Proposal. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Q: How do you keep that body in shape? When I told a friend I was talking to you, he said, "Ask her how she gets that ass!" A: "I wasn't blessed in the upstairs department. Baby was given some back at birth. Didn't know what to do with it at first, but it's just what I got. The purpose is to maintain it and keep it where it is. I was an athlete all my life. I have an athlete's body. I don't have a model's body. We also get paid to go to the gym. But you know, I get lazy just like everyone else. I'm not a fanatic. I love to feel good, but I'll put on weight. But if you're getting paid to be naked, you do put the incline on six and stay on there a little bit longer because it's like, If my ass is going to be on camera, let's make sure it's in the right place when they start rolling film." — Sandra Bullock. [Yahoo News via E!]
• "My whole theory on this part is, I won the lottery. Not only am I on this show with incredible writers and all that, but I've been given a part they can have play good stuff and bad stuff, all at once. I'm not just in the comedic parts, I'm not just in the dramatic parts, it's an incredible role in which you can kind of ride the rail between both things." — John Krasinski, on The Office. [LA Times]
• "She's out there drinking and partying and she should not be doing that. People see her drinking. She should stay away from it. With the drugs, I think she's in a much better place than she used to be. But I have a problem with her being even on prescription medication." — Michael Lohan on daughter Lindsay. [Perez]
• "Truth… autographs R annoying." — Ashton Kutcher. [Perez]
• "I'm proud of my sexuality . . . I embrace it. [But] I'm trying to be a singer, not a civil rights leader." Adam "Glambert" Lambert. [Page Six]
• "I do not wear, buy or own fur or animal skin other than leather or skin of animals raised for feeding pur poses. I am not a vegetarian and I don't find it illogical to wear skins of animals whose meat is also eaten. I would gladly consider giving away sable, fox and other fur coats — if I owned any." — Carla Bruni, in a letter to PETA. [Page Six]
• I think Susan has an amazing voice. But she needs to work on the pose. I think she should come up with something new, since she's such a huge celebrity now. I suggest getting a stylist. She could look really hot if she just wore some pretty dresses." — Paris Hilton on Susan Boyle. [Mirror]

[New York, April 18. Image via INF]

[Tokyo, Japan; January 28. Image via Getty]

[Paris, January 22. Image via Getty]

[Berlin, January 19. Images via Getty]

[Berlin, January 18. Image via Flynet]

But why not? Does the fact that they sell photographs of their children mean that they are somehow implicit in the violation of their privacy? Is it possible for a celebrity to stay in the public eye without being constantly visible? Ian Drew, a senior editor for Us Weekly says no. According to Drew, “everyone is in Hollywood because they chose to be in it. No one is famous there if they don’t want it. They ask for it and they’re definitely in on the game.”

On Sunday, Brad and Angelina “blew past” E! News host Ryan Seacrest on their way into the Golden Globe awards. At a Golden Globes after party, Pitt demanded an umbrella to shield himself from photographers. Frank Navarre, owner of x17, says that this behavior is typical of Brad: “Brad Pitt is somebody who is obsessed with it. He’s OK if he’s comfortable, on a motorcycle or is well-dressed, but if you get him without him knowing it, he’s furious.” While many of us can probably understand this desire for privacy, Drew believes that if you want to be a star, you have to relinquish all control over your own image. For Drew, fame is an all-or-nothing deal: “If you really wanted to be left alone and wanted your privacy you’d move to North Dakota, live on a farm and not do this anymore.”

However, while Brad and Angelina have moved out of Hollywood, their star power has not diminished one drop. In fact, the entire debate is beginning to seem like a heavily choreographed dance. Both Pitt and Jolie clearly know how to play the press to their advantage- Jolie has even been called “scary smart” with regards to her PR maneuvers. Every time the paparazzi overstep their boundaries, we feel sympathy for the power couple, but we also voraciously consume the results. While there should be some privacy allowed to celebrities, in the “game” of Hollywood, it has become almost impossible to know what is truly unwanted, and what is all for show.

Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie Snub The Hollywood Game... Kinda [NY Daily News]

Earlier: Angelina Jolie, "Scary Smart" Media Mastermind

• "I was quoted saying I was a virgin, but I absolutely did not say that. That's nobody's business but my own," the Duffster tells Maxim in the most recent issue. Let's go to the wayback machine and see what she said to Elle: "It's harder having a boyfriend who's older because people just assume. But [virginity] is definitely something I like about myself. It doesn't mean I haven't thought about sex, because everyone I know has had it and you want to fit in. But when they talk about it, it doesn't sound special, like you would imagine it to be. It just seems like everybody has slept with each other – you know what I mean?" Oh yes, we know exactly what you mean, Hils: you wanted to appeal to tweens back then, and now you're trying to have a broader audience. It's loud and clear! [NYDN]
• Madonna is contradicting longtime publicist Liz Rosenberg, who on Monday announced that Guy Ritchie will get between $76-92 million as part of the couple's divorce settlement. Madonna and Guy released a joint statement saying that Rosenberg's declaration was "misleading and inaccurate." What's more, "We have tried to maintain a dignified silence regarding the details of our divorce for the last few months whilst accepting the obvious media interest…The financial details of the settlement will remain private, save to say that both of us are happy with our agreement. Our primary concern, like any co-parents, is the care and well being of our children." Whilst! The plot thickens!! [Reuters]
• Not all of the gay community is excited about Sean Penn's portrayal of activist Harvey Milk in Milk. Advocate writer James Kirchick is pissed because Penn was palling around with notorious gay-rights abuser Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chávez as well as Raul Castro. Human Rights Foundation President Thor Halvorssen tells The Advocate, "That Sean Penn would be honored by anyone, let alone the gay community, for having stood by a dictator who put gays into concentration camps is mind-boggling."[Page Six]
• Earlier this year, Clay Aiken's bff, music producer Jaymes Foster, had a baby after being artificially inseminated with Clay's lil' dudes. Word is that they were both so thrilled with the results that Foster is going to go through another round of IVF in the hopes of having another Claybie. [Perez]
• Blind Item! "Which still-sexy actress, who has a daughter now getting ingenue roles, is facing reality? She finally had her first face-lift last week." We are guessing her name rhymes with Moosan Morandan. [Page Six]
• Does Anthony Kiedis have kidney trouble? The former heroin addict allegedly was sick enough to discuss going on a transplant list for a new kidney, but has since been on the mend.[Sun]
• Fergie (the Duchess, not the Pea) had her laptop stolen, along with intimate digital photos of her family. In addition! Poor Princess Beatrice's Norfolk Terrier, Max ran off during a walk last week in Windsor Great Park , and she's apparently "desperately upset." London Jezebels get on the case! [Daily Mail]
• "We discussed—for about a second—the idea of Tom’s having a German accent. I remember that conversation very clearly. I was in the sitting room of his house, and I basically just said, 'I don’t want to do that. You don’t want to be listening to that.'" —Valkyrie director Bryan Singer on Tom Cruise's performance. [GQ]
• Wowza: the iconic Bert Stern photos of Marilyn Monroe, taken in 1962 right before her death, sold at Christie's for $146,500. [AP]
• Singer Duffy will be the new face of Diet Coke. Says the Sun, "They want to move away from typical Diet Coke ads with stick-thin models and chiselled hunks." Does that sound sort of like a backhanded compliment? [Sun]
• Gossip Girl star Kelly Rutherford is still nursing her 2-year-old son Hermés. "It's an amazing bond with your child," she says, before adding, "I was thinner after my pregnancy than before, and I think a lot of it was the nursing." [Page Six]
• Will Actor's Guild negotiations tear Hollywood apart? Page Six is reporting that negotiations were tense on Monday night, with Jack Nicholson, Meryl Streep and Warren Beatty in favor of a strike, and Alec Baldwin, Tom Hanks, George Clooney, Charlize Theron, Helen Mirren and Kevin Spacey against it. [Page Six]
• Harrison Ford has signed on to play a morning show personality in the film Morning Glory, and our beloved Rachel McAdams is in talks to costar. According to the Hollywood Reporter, "Aline Brosh McKenna ("The Devil Wears Prada") wrote the script about a grizzled old-school anchor in the Ted Koppel mold (Ford) who quits in disgust with the gossip-heavy direction of the evening newscast. He is then recruited by a hot up-and-coming producer (McAdams) to help revive a morning talk show, only to be paired with his rival." [HR]
• "She was drunk! I don’t know if she was drunk when they actually got married, but the night before she was. She just needed that little push — the Patron push.”— Lo Bosworth on the Speidi nuptials. [People ]
• Oprah's taking her production company from ABC to HBO in order to start making more feature films, documentaries and TV series. [AP]
• Is Lisa Rinna going to pose for Playboy? Sources say: probs.The daytime diva has also been pitching a reality show to cable networks with husband Harry Hamlin tentatively called I Love Lisa. [Extra, MSNBC]
• Macaulay, Keiran and Rory Culkin have all taken time off their acting projects to mourn the sudden death of their sister, Dakota. As noted last week, Dakota was hit by a car in Los Angeles while crossing the street. "They're heartbroken. That I can tell you. They're just absolutely heartbroken," says the Culkin boys' manager. [UPI]
• Diddy hosted a birthday party for his ex and baby mama Kim Porter at Murano restaurant in West Hollywood. "The evening's specialty drink, the K.P. Martini, featured a Ciroc vodka lemon drop with a brown-sugar rim," E! reports. Oooh fancy. [E! Online]
• The Brangelina clan is parking in France for the time being. "I've been dragging them all from continent to continent lately, so we're going to have to give them a break soon. For the long term, right now, we're choosing France. It's good living there, a really nice way of life. It's a place where the kids can run free and not be hassled – we have a good relationship with the locals, and it's a good base for the family," Brad says. [Perez]
• Click here for an online preview of Flight of the Conchords season two premiere! Squee! [Funny or Die]
• If you have a crush on any member of Coldplay check out these behind the scenes shots of Chris Martin and the crew. [Rolling Stone]

• Gwyneth's mom Blythe Danner says Gwyn's marriage is a-ok, despite rumors of a split. “They don’t take pictures together if they can avoid it. It’s a strategy. They don’t want the pandemonium.” [Fox News]

• OMG NOOOOOO: rumor is that Paris Hilton is dating Gerard Butler. First Shanna Moakler, and now this? Say it ain't so, Gerry. Say it ain't so! [ Perez]
• It really sounds like Nicole Kidman is ready to throw in the towel with this whole acting thing. "I have to say I'm not that interested in making films any more," she tells the Telegraph. "I know I'm not meant to say that, but that's where it is for me now. I'm 41 years old and very happy being in Tennessee with my baby and with my husband. I obviously have creative blood in me and it needs to come out in some way but I just don't have that burning desire any more. I'm not saying I'm never going to work again, but I'm at peace with whatever happens, which is a nice place to be at this stage of my life." [Telegraph]
• Aw, Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams are star cross'd lovers! Says a source: "He still loves Rachel and Rachel still loves him, but the timing is off and they can't make each other happy right now." [People]
• Vanessa Hudgens canceled her 20th birthday at Chateau Marmont because she didn't want to come off as a party monster. “She canceled because she didn’t want the bad press because it’s a bar…She could have gotten in though, because they serve dinner as well." [E! Online]
• Pete Wentz, that charmer, has been dishing to Howard Stern about sex with his post-preggers wife. "Wentz revealed everything from how Simpson's body looks post-pregnancy to her bra size and the details of the couple's sex life post-birth…Seaking of the first time he and Ashlee had sex, Wentz said, 'It was the single best sexual encounter I've ever had. We were in the Soho Grand Hotel, and there was a mirror, and I was like, 'Oh my God, you're banging the girl of your dreams and you're watching it right now.'" There's more at MTV.com if you wanna read the entire TMI trainwreck. [MTV]
• Katy Perry is engaged to Travis McCoy of the Gym Class Heroes. We are way too old to really know or care who those people are. [Star]
• Carlos Leon, the father of Madonna's daughter Lourdes, is weighing in on Madge's recent split. "It is a bad situation for both Guy and Madonna and I send them a lot of love and all the children involved. I think it is too early to say if the divorce will make things better or worse for the family." [Perez]
• Jessica Alba will make a cameo on The Office episode that's airing after the Super Bowl. As we noted this morning, Jack Black will also make an appearance on that special ep. Star Studded! [EW]
• After her album of Tom Waits covers was so successful, Scarlett Johansson says she's ready to move on to writing her own material. "It'd be a project that I have to dedicate myself to. I feel like that's something for the future." [ONTD]
• Did you know there's a California Hall of Fame? Well there is! And Dr. Seuss, Jane Fonda, Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson were all inducted in last night because they embody "the state's spirit of inspiration and innovation." [UPI]
• Apparently Suri Cruise has a "huge vocabulary." Does it already include the words "glib," "Xenu" or "psychotropics"? [People]
• Australian tennis whiz Lleyton Hewitt had a baby boy named Cruz. He totally stole that name from the Beckham brood! [People]
• During a concert in Paris the other night, Enrique Iglesias took crotch shot of himself with fan's camera. We are liking him more and more these days. [Sun]
• John Walsh, the host of America's Most Wanted started hosting the TV show after his six-year-old son was tragically murdered in 1981. His son's murderer has now been identified: according to TMZ, "Police are expected to ID the killer as Ottis Toole, a convicted pedophile who died in prison in 1996." [TMZ]
• Brad Pitt says that despite the fact that he and wife Angie are richer than God, they don't spoil their kids with lavish gifts. "We have gifts, but we try to keep the money spent to a minimum. The rule is that everyone’s got to make something for someone else, you got to put time into it." [The Sun]
• Matthew Broderick says that doing the voices for the main mouse in The Tale Of Despereaux was kinda lonely. "Happy as I am to be in it with [co-stars Sigourney Weaver, Kevin Kline and Dustin Hoffman], they're not there. The challenge is you end up behind a piece of glass with a microphone and a lot of people telling you what to do." [ Mirror]
• Jason Schwartzman is giving away a song from his side project Coconut Records for free. The lil' ditty is called "Microphone" and you can find it here. [Perez]
• Fox Reality Channel is launching a new series called "House Husbands" which is exactly what it sounds like — a show about stay-at-home hubbies whose wives are the breadwinners. "The cast includes Tempestt Bledsoe ("The Cosby Show") and husband Darryl M. Bell ("A Different World"), Jillian Reynolds (formerly Barberie, from "Good Day LA"), her husband Grant and former Los Angeles Dodger Billy Ashley, among others." Sounds…delightfully trashy. [ONTD]
• Kate Hudson cannot stop talking about how she loves-loves-loves being single. This time she's talking about it in In Style, but seriously. We've read about it in every fashion magazine ever. Dear fashion magazine writers: please stop asking Kate Hudson about being single. [People]
• Sad news for Columbo fans: Peter Falk has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and dementia. [People]
• Hilary Duff says that she's a lady who does not dirty dance in smutty nightspots! "I've been accused by the press of giving lap dances at clubs. I mean, little ol' me? It's shocking. People love to believe it. It's way more exciting to talk about than the truth! And they're so descriptive about these lap dances. I don't even know how to do a lap dance!" says the Duffster. The lady doth protest too much! [E! Online]

• Posh adorns the January 2009 cover of Harper's Bazaar, and inside she talks about high heels, her trademark smirk/smile, wearing tracksuits around the house, and her relationship with the ever-present paparazzi. “I don’t complain about paparazzi because I’ve put myself in that position, and so has David. But I always say to the boys, someone is going to take your picture because you’re handsome or you’re smart or because you’re so good at soccer. But every now and again, Romeo might pick up one of David’s cameras and say, ‘Victoria, Victoria, over here!’ And his attitude is sort of angry… I tell you, the paparazzi would not be sitting outside if they realized I was the most boring person in Hollywood." [Just Jared]
• The $26,000 a month Manhattan apartment where Heath Ledger died has been taken off the market temporarily, as some have been speculating it was too "ghoulish" to sell. [TMZ]

• Unlike Posh, Johnny Depp is not okay with the paparazzi. "I never wanted to be the guy people looked at. I don't think of myself as being a celebrity, it's too mortifying," the Depp says. [People]
• The Jolie-Pitts just had a mechanical bull delivered to their house in L.A. That is all. [TMZ]
• Do you love Jemaine and Britt? Well you're in luck, because here's the trailer for the second season of Flight of the Conchords which airs in January. [Stuff.Co.Nz]
• Longtime buddy Gabrielle Union says Beyoncé's more Southern belle than booty shakin' Sasha Fierce deep down. "Beyoncé is quiet and reserved, very Southern, sweet and polite. If someone told me that girl was gonna go on stage and do the kind of performances that she does, and be so fiery, and this quintessential and iconic entertainer, I'd be [in disbelief], like, 'Yeah, okay!" [People]
• The L Word is offing its most annoying character, two-timing writer girl Jenny, played by Mia Kirshner, during its 6th season premiere. "The episode, which airs January 18, begins with a splash as Jenny's body is discovered in a swimming pool. Accident, or murder - and whodunit? Viewers will have to wait for those answers." [AP]
• Rumors abound that professional jackass Steve- will be on Dancing with the Stars next season. He's even more bonkers than Cloris Leachman! [TMZ]
• Katy Perry believes she was "snubbed" because she did not get nominated for a Best New Artist Grammy. Katy Perry also believes that she has "talent." [Perez]
• All My Sons, the Broadway play co-starring Katie Holmes, is closing later this month. But don't blame Mrs. Cruise: all of Broadway is floundering in this recession. [Jossip]
• Britney flipped the light switch on the Christmas tree at the Nokia Theater in Los Angeles while flanked by L.A. mayor Antonio Villaraigosa and Adam Carolla. That's some eclectic company! [People]
• An Arizona judge has issued a warrant for DMX's arrest. The rapper was supposed to appear in court today, but his reps say that he is in rehab at an undisclosed location. He's facing drug, identity theft and animal cruelty charges in the Phoenix area. [TMZ]

[Nice, France; October 8. Image via

[New Orleans, October 7. Image via INF]

[New York, October 4. Image via Filmmagic.]

As Dodai noted last month when discussing the rash of unformed infant faces staring out at us from every tabloid corner, "I hate, HATE the predisposed notion that the lack of a Y chromosome means I must involuntarily drool at the sight of an infant. Cute babies are cute, but some of them look like undone suckling pigs that need to go back in the oven."

Which sounds angrier, but reminiscent of, what Sylvia Plath wrote in the Bell Jar when fretting over the fact that she wanted to be a famous poet instead of "devoting myself to baby after fat pulling baby":

"I smelt a mingling of Pablum and sour milk and salt-cod stinky diapers and felt sorrowful and tender. How easy having babies seemed to the women around me! Why was I so unmaternal and apart?" Plath wrote almost fifty years ago.

And what I'm wondering is how is it, in 2008, that things seemed to have changed so little when it comes to the mommy game. How did motherhood become the only acceptable expression of female power? The message that Sarah Palin gives when she spends the first 50% of her Vice Presidential candidacy acceptance speech talking about her role as wife and mother is the same message that tabloids give off when they go absolutely bonkers about star spawn: you might be successful in your given field, but all that means nothing unless you've given birth. (And then dieted down back to pre-baby weight within weeks.) And it's why Palin is ultimately so much more palatable for many people than Hillary ever was: her continued fertility is in our faces 24/7.

Allegra Maud Goldman is a coming of age novel that takes place in the 30s. The eponymous main character is about 12 years old, and her cousin Sonia informs her that she'll never really be happy until she has a baby nursing at her breast. "What a disgusting notion," Allegra says. "You mean, because of being female nothing else will ever make you happy?" And Sonia replies, "Not really happy. Not in the same way." How sad for us that in the aughts, that still seems to be the prevailing pop cultural notion of female satisfaction.

Allegra Maud Goldman [Amazon]
The Bell Jar [Amazon]

Earlier: Why Sarah Palin Incites Near Violent Rage In Normally Reasonable Women
Sarah Palin Joins Angelina, Jamie Lynn, As Cover Moms With Probs
'Us Weekly' Editor: Shunning Kids Makes You A Communist
I Am Fucking Sick & Tired Of Baby Bumps