• In an interview with the German magazine Das Neue Angelina Jolie said, "I doubt that fidelity is absolutely essential for a relationship. It's worse to leave your partner and talk badly about him afterwards..."

"Neither Brad nor I have ever claimed that living together means to be chained together. We make sure that we never restrict each other," she says, adding, "The sparks fly at home if the nice Brad fails to see that he's wrong and reacts in a defiant way. Then I can get so angry that I tear his shirt." So all those stories about "the fight to end all fights" are true?! [Lost something was in the translation me think. — Dodai] [The Telegraph]

• Lawyers have requested that court documents relating to "a minor and allegations of domestic violence" be sealed in the Courtney Love/Frances Bean Cobain custody case. The papers refer to sealing Frances' medical records and earlier the judge issued a temporary restraining order prohibiting Courtney from contacting her daughter. [TMZ]
• The Heenes were sentenced to jail time and four years probation for the Balloon Boy hoax. Richard Heene got 30 days in jail and 60 days of work release. Mayumi Heene will serve 20 days after Richard is freed. They've both been barred from profiting from the hoax during that time. In a tearful apology after his sentencing, Richard said, "I'm very, very sorry. And I want to apologize to all the rescue workers out there, and the people that got involved in the community." AP]
• As mentioned earlier, after 23 years together Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon have broken up. They have two sons. [TMZ]
• Roman Polanski is suing several French magazines for $110,000 in damages for publishing pictures of him under house arrest in Switzerland. [Contact Music]
• Brittany Murphy's body has arrived at Forest Lawn Memorial Park, where she will be buried tomorrow. [TMZ]
• Brittany Murphy's home is now a stop on the Haunted Hollywood tours route. [TMZ]
• Brittany Murphy sang two songs in Happy Feet and now music executives are digging to find any unreleased songs she may have recorded. "Depending on what she may have recorded and what kind of quality it is, she could end up having a hit song or two," says a source. [E!]
• The DVD rental company redbox is sending out teams to remove promotional posters of Brittany Murphy posed lifeless in a bathtub for her movie Deadline from 19,000 kiosks. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Hudson's rep says she actually isn't pregnant with her second child. "Jennifer leaves in April for South Africa where she will portray Winnie Mandela in the feature film, Winnie. It is a commitment she is excited about and takes very seriously," says her rep, who adds, "Jennifer is currently in the studio recording her second album and this is the only delivery she is looking forward to in 2010." [People]
• Kate Gosselin has been cut from the pilot of the View-like show Mom Logic for being too controversial. There were rumors that Paula Deen was annoyed that Kate was detracting attention from her and a source says, "There was a lot of arguing." [Radar Online]
• Cheryl Cole of Girls Aloud says she doesn't regret calling Lily Allen a "chick with a dick" because "She called my husband 'horrendous'. Then she called [bandmate] Nicola 'ugly'. For another female artist to call you ugly is so awful. Nicola's been called 'ginger' all her life, then she makes something of herself and everyone calls her the 'ugly one'." [Contact Music]
• Is Natalie Portman dating her Thor co-star Chris Hemsworth? [Contact Music]
• No, Natalie Portman's rep says they're not together. [Contact Music]
• Johnny Knoxville and his girlfriend Naomi Nelson welcomed son Rocko Akira Clapp on Sunday. [People]
• Quentin Tarantino has already written 40 pages of an Inglourious Basterds prequel. [N.Y. Magazine]
• Asher Roth says, "I hate to disappoint and take away the entertainment of it all but I am straight, not gay. It's disheartening to know such news on someone's personal life can be portrayed as fact with no viable source. This, to me, is an opportunity to expose our vulnerability to lies and manipulation through unprofessional and irresponsible news outlets, in which people consider TRUTH. Further, someone's sexual orientation should NEVER be big news, as it delivers a troubling message to children that they can't be themselves without fear of judgement." [Popcrunch]
• Cher is auctioning her home in Hawaii, which features an infinity pool and spa, four "bungalow living suites," a "media bungalow" with a bar, and ocean views, for about $10 million next month. [TMZ]
• Morgan Freeman bought himself a private jet. [Gulf New]
• The following actors will present at the Golden Globes: Jennifer Aniston, Julia Roberts, Mickey Rourke, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Robert De Niro. [People]
• Shane Sparks' mug shot is unremarkable: [TMZ]
• Jude Law says of taking over for Heath Ledger in The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, "When I got the call, it was a double tug. I liked Heath very much as a man and admired him as an actor. To help finish his final piece of work was a tribute I felt compelled to make." [People]
• A source says of the Jackson family Christmas, "It was to be a quiet, sombre holiday this year but Janet has stepped in to make it just like Michael did - fun. Michael loved Christmas. He was like a big kid and now Janet has taken that on. She must have spent thousands on trees, decorations and the kind of toys Michael would have love to be fooling around with on Christmas morning." [Contact Music]
• Kate Hudson says, "We go to Colorado every year where we grew up and just hang out. It's a great time because it's the one time when we all really get together. I can't wait to see who gets in the first argument, that's always a good one. There's always going to be one argument. There's always going to be the one that everybody's worried about in the family - always! There's always somebody saying, 'I'm really concerned about your brother or I'm really concerned about Aunt so-and-so!'" [Contact Music]
• "We usually open our presents first thing in the morning. I'm like a kid at this time of year and I just can't wait. I literally believed in Santa Claus until I was around 16! My mom still puts a stocking out for me so I can still pretend." — Paris Hilton [Contact Music]
• Elle reporter: "Imagine you had the ability to see the number of a woman's sexual partners on her forehead. What's the highest number you could see and still take her seriously?" Matthew Morrison of Glee : "I want a really classy kind of woman, so the number's going to be low. Four, I think." Elle reporter: "Four? I'm racking my brain to think of a place where you'd even be able to find adult women with numbers that low." [SF Weekly]

Label Closures

Christian Lacroix's namesake house teetered on the brink of collapse for the better part of this year. After filing for bankruptcy in Paris this May, owners the Falic Group announced a "restructuring" plan that would see the couture house shuttered, and the Lacroix name live on only in ready-to-wear and accessories licenses. After it became known that the house of Lacroix had never turned a profit in 22 years of operation, Christian Lacroix told the press he was "too angry to cry," and that he had been working without pay for over a year.

A frenzied campaign to save the business ensued. One couture client made an offer to buy; but during the bankruptcy process, suitors like France's Bernard Krief Consulting and Italy's Borletti Group dropped out. A relative of the Sheikh of Ajman in the United Arab Emirates made a serious offer, and seemed to speak seriously of Christian Lacroix private jets and Christian Lacroix yachts and Christian Lacroix lifestyle products; for a while, it seemed all would end well, and a fantastic couture collection was shown in July despite the cash-strapped state of affairs. However, the sheikh could not provide financial assurances to the bankruptcy court, and on December 1, Falic Group's own worst-case-scenario plans were put into place. At least 100 people lost their jobs. Christian Lacroix lost the rights to his own name, and started designing uniforms for French railway workers.

Luella, the critically acclaimed and very popular British label founded in 1999 by Luella Bartley, closed less than 12 months after being named Designer of the Year at the British Fashion Awards. The distributor withdrew its backing after the Italian company that produced Luella clothing went bankrupt. Bartley said at the time that she hopes to revive the label, when the credit crunch eases.

More avant-gard designers also have not fared well this year, as perhaps might be expected. Yohji Yamamoto announced it had filed for bankruptcy protection, with debts of around $68 million, in Japan this October. (It is continuing its operations while in bankruptcy.) Belgian designer Véronique Branquinho was forced to shutter her 12-year-old line in May. New York-based Phi, founded by billionaire's wife Susan Dell and designed by Andreas Melbostad, announced it would close up shop just this week.

Photo: A model in a 2004 Véronique Branquinho show in Paris.

Jennifer Lopez has had bad luck with her clothing lines. The star founded JLO clothing in 2007, and closed it two years later. Replacement label Justweet lasted two seasons. This June, her latest effort, Sweetface, also bit the dust. Good thing she's still raking in the dough from her perfumes.

You're Fired

After rumors swirled for months, Olivier Theyskens was finally fired from Nina Ricci. His last collection included towering heel-less Gothic boots, which later turned up in an evening ensemble worn by none other than Daphne Guinness. Peter Copping was his replacement. Anna Wintour, who allegedly gasped, "How could you do this to me?" when told the news, was so upset by the whole episode that she wrote a letter from the editor about it:

Olivier Theyskens's recent departure from Nina Ricci suggests to me that the vital role of artistic talent has been obscured in the current economic climate. My staff and I were shocked to learn that Theyskens's contract would not be renewed; and I am very concerned that the business of fashion is undervaluing the most important asset our industry requires: creative visionaries. There's a reason we continue to see Theyskens's influence everywhere, from catwalks to the mall. He'll be back, but fashion must hold its nerve. This is the mission that we at Vogue happily shoulder.

Despite this ringing endorsement, by the end of this year, all we've heard of the gifted Belgian is that he's writing a book and "discussing" a "retail concept" with Tory Burch's husband.

The whole situation at the house of Ungaro this year is just Kafkaesque in its web of intricate reversals of fortune and surprise non-sequiturs. After many strenuous denials that any such move might even be considered, might even be on the table, C.E.O. Mounir Moufarrige summarily fired young Colombian designer Esteban Cortazar for failing to generate sales and buzz for the esteemed, though somewhat dusty, fashion house — and, we later learned, for refusing to work with Lindsay Lohan.

New designer Estrella Archs was brought on board — with La Lohan as her "artistic adviser" sidekick. ("It could work," said Moufarrige.) Their collection of very short, very tight, and very embellished dresses was widely panned by critics and the line was dropped by most of its U.S. distributors; Lohan later distanced herself from the decision to style the show models with heart-shaped sparkly pasties over their nipples. Then the Times of London visited her and found a disturbing scene:

The room looks like the aftermath of one of those home-alone teen parties advertised on Facebook that then gets horribly out of hand. Chaos rules. Designer clothes are strewn everywhere; most of them from a sweep of the Emanuel Ungaro boutique that Lohan made upon her arrival in Paris, walking away with an estimated £90,000 worth of free clothes. Shoes, make-up, jewellery, even a stray lampshade obscure the hotel carpet. Her passport is in here somewhere. She's been looking for it for days.

Even Ungaro himself spoke out to attack Archs and Lohan's efforts; Moufarrige denied the disastrous reception had caused any tensions, and said Lohan would stay. Then he himself abruptly quit. Stay tuned for what happens next!

That Old-Time Revival Feeling

Halston was revived. Again. This time designer Marios Schwab was chosen to helm it, and former designer Marco Zanini and stylist Rachel Zoe were ditched.

Halston book published by Phaidon


Former Valentino chief executive Matteo Marzotto and Marni chief executive Gianni Castiglioni bought the rights to the house of Vionnet in February. The clothes, when they came, were perhaps the biggest disappointment of the year. Hint to designers: There is so much you can do with Vionnet! The real Vionnet frikking invented cutting on the bias, okay? Have the temerity to at least try something daring.

Bill Blass was one of the recession's earliest casualties. The talented creative director, Peter Som, and all the other employees were fired unceremoniously just before Christmas last year; the bankrupt label was later sold, for a bargain basement price of $10 million. (In January of this year, just before his planned show at New York Fashion Week, Peter Som lost the financial backing for his own label, too.) Just this month, the new owners, Peacock Holdings, announced Jeffrey Monteiro would be taking over the designing reins. We'll see his first collection — the Times called Monteiro's clothes "nothing startling" — next winter.

Photo of a model wearing Peter Som's Fall 2008 collection for Bill Blass, the bankrupt company's most recent.


Biba. Again.

Beyond Biba documentary poster via FashionTribes


You're Hired!

Jil Sander has the unusual distinction of having been fired from her namesake label by its new owners not once, but twice. After being told her services were no longer required by Prada group owner Patrizio Bertelli for the second time, in 2004, the German designer began a long period of fashion exile. (Perhaps she had a non-compete clause to abide by.) This year, she was spotted at an industry textiles fair scouting for fabrics — and tongues started wagging. A collaboration with Uniqlo was the surprise result, and Sander's minimalist eye is now employed as the Japanese fast-fashion chain's creative director. Her second +J collection launches in the new year.

Clothing Lines Of The Stars

In 2009, everyone who was anyone got a clothing line. (Or that potentially even more remunerative consolation prize, a namesake perfume.) In the stormy waters of a recession, perhaps it's no surprise that plenty of megabrands would seek the safe harbor of a celebrity and her or his contractually obligated promotional heft.

Not one month after finally shuttering Christian Lacroix, the Falic Group announced the launch of an Eva Longoria perfume. Despite the fact that Longoria is allergic to perfume. Miley & Max Azria did a clothing line for Wal-Mart. Toby Keith sold plaid shirts; he had that much in common with the Kings of Leon. Kevin Federline announced a children's line. Mischa Barton said, of her headband line, "People want to see that you can deliver and do, like, a good job."

Richie Rich rebounded from the 2008 closure of Heatherette with an "eco-friendly" swimwear line he created with Pamela Anderson. (I actually saw the launch of this live, in New Zealand. Richie Rich rollerskated, and the runway show concluded with Anderson, clad only in a scarf, accidentally flashing the audience during her bow.) Brad and Angelina did a serpentine collection for the jewelers Asprey. It started at $525, for a baby spoon.


Whitney Port tried to get Bergdorf Goodman to buy her clothing line in the finale of The City. The Olsen twins, after a couple years hitting the top of the market with The Row and Elizabeth and James, returned to their mass tween roots with a JC Penney's collection called Olsenboye. Emma Watson said the idea of a perfume named after her made her want to vomit, but did an ethical clothing collection with People Tree. (Mischa's other line, Tree People, sadly remains hotly anticipated, at least by me.) Katie Holmes released weird jumpsuits with stylist Jeanne Yang under the label Holmes & Yang.

And I leave you with news of the strangest star collaboration of all 2009: the announcement, in June, that John Malkovich would show a line called Technobohemian at Milan's men's wear week. We may not be John Malkovich, but we can dress like him.

What will 2010 bring? This was the year of huge falls in sales and constant readjustments; 2010's shocks, coming after this raft of closures and downsizings and layoffs and consecutive quarters of declining year-on-year results will, hopefully, seem and be modest. Nobody in the fashion industry is out of the woods yet, but perhaps it's not naïve to hope that the rate of attrition should at least slow down.

The rate of stupid celebrity fashion collab debuts, however, is a trend I expect to remain strong. At least Lindsay Lohan's second collection for Ungaro should be worth watching.

OK!
Did a double issue last week so the editors could spend the holidays rereading the Twilight books, or ahem, doing some "reporting" on Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson.
Grade: Excused for religious holiday (Keeping the "Christ" in Christmas.)

Us
"Elin's Revenge"
Everyone at Us must have had visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads all week because the only new information in this story about Elin Nordegren divorcing Tiger Woods is this dud of a quote from her twin sister Josefin Nordegren: "It's been difficult because it's not something we can deal with in private... But we are doing our best." Snore. In other news, Angelina Jolie gave Jennifer Aniston a break this week and agreed to be the one who's "so lonely." Angie's sad because she has no mommy friends, but for some reason the source phrased that as "Angelina is hungry for normal moms to be around," which makes it sound like she's a mom-brain craving zombie. In "Better Without Makeup?" (image 6), we learn that 66 percent of Us readers think Lady Gaga is beautiful just the way she is. The same can not be said for Kim Kardashian. Finally, Us calls out the other tabloids for their bogus covers in "Fake News of the Year" (image 7). Too bad we already beat them to it.
Grade: F (All he wants for Christmas is his mistress.)

Life & Style
"Tiger And Elin Fight For The Kids"
This story retells Tiger Woods saga from the point of view of his two kids, Sam, 2, and Charlie, 10 months. The mag writes: "Sam and Charlie may be too young to grasp that at least 14 different women have now accused their father of cheating on their mother..." Lately Charlie's been pretty preoccupied with spitting up on himself and watching Backyardigans, so we can't argue with you there Life & Style. Ivana Trump, who has absolutely nothing to do with the Tiger Woods, tells the mag Elin Nordegren should be thankful that the kids are too young to read or watch scandal coverage. As for Elin, she's determined to divorce Tiger, even though Kultida Woods begged her not to. An insider explains, "Tiger's mom is from the old school, where women didn't leave their husbands over indiscretions and didn't take their children from their home... She tried to speak to Elin about keeping the family together, but Elin wasn't receptive at all." So Elin didn't want to turn a blind eye like a good '50s housewife? Shocking. Next: Us Weekly reported that Mickey Rourke is marrying Elena Kuletskaya in April, but they're not even dating. Were you aware that stars are just like us? Diddy is inappropriately obsessed with Jersey Shore too! He says, "I grew up with Italians when I went to school in the Bronx, so I've always been connected to Guidos. I'm saying the word in a positive sense. They're just cool and family-oriented and hilarious!" Be advised: Brad Pitt has gone 233 days without shaving (image 8). In closing, it seems Dr. Mehmet Oz knows the effect spending the holiday with the fam has on us, so he's shared this servicey little guide to curing holiday hangovers: (Image 9).
Grade: D- (Losing the deed to your platinum mine.)

In Touch
"REVENGE PREGNANCY"
For the 8,000th time this year, Angelina got pregnant to trap Brad in their loveless union. She has a "telltale bump" [of fabric] and sources say she's three months pregnant. This is putting a damper on Brad's plans to leave Angie for Jennifer Aniston. They've been hooking up secretly, yet the mag still figured out the exact time and location of their last rendez-vous: December 9 at 3:30pm on a secluded trail off of Western Canyon Road in Beverly Hills. Jen told a friend it was "like their relationship had never ended," but someone from In Touch writes: "She wouldn't reveal whether she and Brad had a romantic encounter," which is apparently how the mag is referring to sex now. Meanwhile, Angie "will do anything to keep Brad around — and that includes planning a huge celebration for Zahara's 5th birthday on January 8, knowing that he would have to attend." Why else would a mother plan a birthday party for her 5-year-old daughter? Also plotting against her man: Britney Spears. She wants Jason Trawick to propose to her for real, not just on the cover of numerous tabloids, so she's been wearing five wedding rings to give him the hint (image 10). In strangely plausible news, In Touch claims that Tiger Woods is still hooking up his mistress Rachel Uchitel (she was on the receiving end of the most romantic of Tiger's dirty texts.) Rachel recently left her New York apartment and headed to Florida. She says she's spending the holidays with relatives, but she's been spotted out and about in the Florida town where Tiger's yacht is docked. A friend says, "They have been sleeping together the entire time since the scandal broke." Check out "Before They Were Famous," a.k.a. stars' original noses (image 11). Also, this may shock you, but Lady Gaga wasn't born wearing a see-through lace body-stocking (image 12). Next: A-Rod has been purposely playing the victim in the press since his breakup with Kate Hudson, and he made sure he was photographed looking glum on the night of the New York premiere of Nine. "His behavior really calls into question how authentic he was in the relationship to begin with," says clinical psychologist Dr. Seth Meyers. Really?! In "Weight Winners and Losers of the Year," we learn that Kelly Clarkson is a "loser" because she's gained weight and "seems more comfortable in her skin now than she was during her midriff-baring days on American Idol." We'll shame you yet, Kelly!
Grade: D (Thinking of all the fellas that you haven't kissed.)

Star
"Stars Without Makeup!"
This is just 10 pages of pre-holiday filler. Without makeup Jessica Simpson "looks like a completely different person," Jennifer Garner "looks like she's neglecting herself," and Kate Gosselin has the "look of exhaustion" all over her face (image 13). We preferred Us's gallery of humiliation, which was presented in one spread without catty commentary. Moving on: Jude Law and Sienna Miller had a pregnancy scare. Jude is such a gentlemen that he allowed Sienna to pee on a stick in his home, but it was a false alarm. A source claims there is a baby on the way for Bruce Willis and his wife Emma Heming. Bruce's rep said he's not aware of a pregnancy, but didn't exactly deny it. FYI: Don't view image 14 if you're eating. Hailey Glassman is dating Celebrity Boxing Federation promoter Damon Feldman, who says, "She's been very friendly. She's very classy." The phrase "Hailey get your pants on!" comes to mind. Obvious Blind item: Which closeted male celeb drew the suspicions of his A-list costar when he was just not that into their love scenes? She'd never met a straight man with no interest in her goods! Kim Kardashian has been looking at engagement rings with Reggie Bush. Her only requirement? That it be bigger that her sister Khloe's nine carat ring. "Khloe beat Kim to the altar, but Kim will beat her with the size of the ring," says a source. Audrina Patridge told her friends that she thinks it's only a matter of time before she gets a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and they just laughed. One of Bret Michaels' hair extensions fell out while he was recording with Miley Cyrus. She saved the grungy lock and may frame it. In other news, Britney Spears called Kevin Federline in tears to canceled a visit with her boys because Jason Trawick demanded that they spend time together. Brit was so upset that she called off their engagement, which she pushed Jason into in the first place. Tiger Woods' "No. 1 mistress" Rachel Uchitel has been telling friends that she's two weeks late. She told Tiger and an insider says it "it scared the hell out of him" because "Rachel being pregnant could actually make his nightmare a whole lot worse." Rachel has been bragging to friends, saying that she sees having a "cub" with Tiger "as her meal ticket." Jennifer Aniston is still trying to adopt a Mexican baby with Brad Pitt's' help, but Star writes, "in the meantime, she's sowing her wild oats all over Hollywood." The mag claims she's dating Sam Rockwell, Josh Groban, and Josh Hopkins of Cougar Town, who Courteney Cox brought to Jen's holiday party. A source says they exchanged numbers so later "Jen picked up the phone and asked Josh to come to her chili cook-off party." Finally, "Jersey Shore Drug Scandal!" In an interview with her local paper, Jenny "J-WOWW" Farley admits the guys on the show are "heavily into steroids... injecting whatever it could be into their system that will make them bigger and better looking." But, it's much worse than we suspected: The kids are also injecting self-tanner. J-WOWW says the girls take human growth hormone and "they inject tanner into their bodies... just like steroids, to get the perfect color skin. I've seen people go far beyond the extremes that were portrayed on the show."
Grade: D+ (There won't be snow in Africa this Christmas.)

[New York, December 20. Image via INFDaily.]

To stop and think for a second, it's amazing that the Jolie-Pitt-Aniston love triangle has continued to dominate tabloid covers for this long. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were wed in 2000, and divorced in October of 2005. Clearly, tongues were going to wag when Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie first appeared publicly - in November of 2005. But we are closing out the decade and this war is still raging four years later? Why did this particular celebrity break up garner such lasting attention?

I've wondered about this off and on, just about every time I pass a newsstand with yet another Brad-Jen-Angelina text message scandal screaming at me as I'm looking for a yoga magazine. No one is running down Halle Berry for quotes about Eric Benet's new lover, or pushing weekly covers featuring pouty pictures of Jessica Biel juxtaposed with Rihanna. So why does this particular scandal have such staying power? I have an idea:

Let's call it the Betty/Veronica complex. In the popular Archie comics, Betty and Veronica were in constant competition over goofy-ass title character Archie. The series made headlines earlier in the year by insinuating Archie was actually going to propose to rich and sexy Veronica - making blond girl next door Betty the loser after a 65 year fight. The fans revolted.

When the news broke about the end of Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt's marriage, fans mourned. When they heard about him taking up with Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston fans were pissed for her, with one fanatic going as far as donning a "Friends" tee-shirt and trying to smack Jolie at a restaurant for "home-wrecking."

What could possibly provoke these fans (mostly women) into pledging undying loyalty to "Team Angelina" or "Team Jen" when they don't even know these people?

A possible answer came from Rashida Jones, who mentioned in her Vanity Fair interview about empathizing with the Bettys of the world over the Veronicas:

I was definitely a Betty for the majority of my life. Veronica was a little too snooty for me. Also, she was super popular, and I just couldn't relate to that. I was well-liked among my high school peers but I wasn't popular. It wasn't like the guys were drooling all over me.

This goes a bit deeper than the blondes versus brunettes debate we covered earlier in the year. People are projecting attitudes onto Jolie and Aniston that are representative of a type of person. The non-conflict mirrors a different kind of dynamic - the sexual vs. the innocent, the popular girl vs. the plain jane. It comes in various incarnations (see: Ginger and Mary Anne on Gilligan's Island) but the dynamic works because many people are willing to place themselves in the overly represented shoes of one archetype or another.

The Archie feud hasn't ended - in true comics fashion, Archie's choice was one scenario out of a few possibles that ended back where he started. But, according to tabloid fantasy land, there can only be one solution to the Aniston-Pitt-Jolie fight (and only one solution that will keep the cash cow flowing). The love triangle will be solved...but only if Brad, Jen, and Angie unite to get Jen a baby. The sweet love of a child will wash away all the remaining competition. Or not.

Angelina Jolie Almost Slapped by A Jennifer Aniston Fan [Softpedia]
Rashida Jones is All About Hot Chicks Kicking Ass! [Vanity Fair]

Earlier: Does Archie's Proposal To Veronica Settle The Blondes Vs. Brunettes Debate?
Her Life In Comics: Rashida Jones Makes A Frenemy

In the fall OK!, the runt of the tabloid litter, decided to cash in on the anticipation for New Moon with full month of fake Kristen Stewart/Robert Pattinson covers. Basically an OK! scribe sat up all night with copies of the Twilight books and theorized that, to quote the September 2 issue, "Life might just imitate art." Though, the Twilight twosome aren't actually engaged or married, and we're pretty sure Kristen doesn't "read aloud from the volume of Virgil's Doomed Love that [Rob] gave her this year."

At one point, the mag actually declared "each stage of the twosome's love story mirrors Stephenie Meyer's cult vampire saga." A joke about Robert Pattinson delivering Kristen Stewart's vampire baby would be appropriate here, but OK! already told fans they should be on a "bump watch" because Kristen may soon be delivering a baby which, if all goes according to plan, will be named "Clules Pattinson."

KStew and RPatz weren't the only celebs to tie the knot (in the minds of tabloid editors). Jason Trawick proposed to Britney Spears in the Bahamas with a ring he bought in the gift shop of the Atlantis Resort & Casino. (If anyone can appreciate a glittery plastic ring with dolphins on it, it's Britney.) The mag said the wedding would take place this month in Louisiana, with Jamie Lynn as Brit's maid of honor and her boys as ring bearers. Britney and Jason better get cracking — they only have two more weeks to throw together their "old-fashioned Southern wedding." Hey, maybe they can get Reverend Sun Myoung Moon of South Korea to perform the ceremony over the internet, just like he did for Nicole Richie and Joel Madden!

Truthfully, living room nuptials were not what we dreamed of for Nicole and Joel, but at least their wedding was better than Chris Brown and Rihanna's sexy domestic violence-themed wedding. Yes, Star actually tried to make Chris assaulting Rihanna sound romantic with lines like, "He tenderly wiped [her tears] away and kissed her face, which was still slightly bruised. He just kept whispering, 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry.'" Thank god their beach wedding only took place in the pages of Star.

Several stars walked past the newsstands this year and were surprised to learn that their marriages were crumbling. The only source in this story about Sarah and Todd Palin's divorce was Mercede Johnston, Levi's 17-year-old sister. After all, who understands the inner workings of their marriage better than the teenage sister of their daughter's ex-boyfriend?

Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick split too, and James "Wilke" (whose name is actually spelled "Wilkie") was caught in the middle... right between his two new baby sisters.

But, no one split more this year than Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. It seems Brad has only one method of transportation: storming off. While regular men might ride their motorcycle or go to their movie premiere, Brad can only "storm off" on his bike or "storm off" to the San Sebastian International Film Festival.

This year Brangelina started living in opposite ends of their French mansion, because it wasn't enough to just sleep in different bedrooms. There was one good thing that came out of their sparring. In Touch claims that Brad and Angie felt so guilty about their "crumbling relationship" that they spoiled the kids with theme days. All the Jolie-Pitts would dress up as characters from movies or books like James Bond or Harry Potter. We could probably tolerate Brangie's bickering if we got to have a "Wizard Day" with Maddox, Pax, Zahara, and Shiloh involving "magic potion punch to drink, and they had to solve clues to go to wizard college."

The only person Brad could vent to about he and Angelina's various "fights to end all fights" was, of course, the woman he humiliated and left for Angie. Jennifer Aniston had plenty of time to devote to Brad, since all she's done in the past five years is sit around and think about how she's "so lonely." Brad and Jen kept their love alive via text messages and drunk dials this year, and even managed to sneak past the paparazzi on numerous occasions to hook up in hotels or just take a leisurely two hour drive around New York City. Mostly they talked about what a handful Angie is, but Brad also provided beauty advice. Jen was thinking about cutting her hair, but a "friend" told In Touch, "He talked her out of it. He told her to just trim it and go blonder."

Of course, Brad and Jen also talked about her becoming a "mom at last," which is particularly creepy when you recall that they split because they couldn't agree on whether or not to have kids (or so the tabloids claimed at the time). Jen was desperate to get pregnant because she was turned 40 this year, so she tried get every man she came in contact with to be her baby daddy. Apparently she couldn't convince John Mayer or Gerard Butler to spawn with her, because Star reported in April that she had completed paperwork (with Brad's help) to adopt an American baby boy that she would name Nicholas John. Fickle Jen must have changed her mind about little Nick at the last minute, since Star reported in December that she was adopting a Mexican toddler (with Brad's help).

Clearly, the only way for Angie to win Brad back from Jen was to get pregnant with (or perhaps adopt) her 7th child. After all, a man can walk out on six kids, but not seven. Star reported that Angie was two and a half months along on April 15, so we must have missed when she gave birth in late October. We'll have to keep our eyes peeled for the arrival of the other 7th baby she's currently pregnant with and the African and/or Eastern European baby she's adopting.

Sometimes it's just so hard to keep tabs on all the famous uteri, especially when the mags keep forgetting to write the word "someday" and the end of those coverlines about celebs who see babies in their future. Also, let's just make a rule that no female star is allowed to touch her belly and smile coyly ever again.

We got so wrapped up in the goings on in Katie's uterus that we almost forgot about the biggest pregnancy news of the year: White. House. Baby. In this inauguration story, Star claimed that 45-year-old Michelle Obama, who had difficulty conceiving Malia, decided to give in vitro a go because she and Barack had nothing else going on in 2009. If the procedure didn't work, they planned to adopt a learning-disabled child, or perhaps an African-American boy that Barack could "play hoops with." Unless they've cleverly disguised their adopted son in a Portuguese Water Dog costume, this never happened.

Looking back, we've had a lot of fun with the tabloids this year, from stories about Jessica Simpson keeping a framed picture of Tiger Woods in her bedroom, to Suri and Shiloh's 100% Photoshopped playdate. Who knows what the stars will do in 2010, or rather, what adventures the tabloids will concoct? Jennifer Aniston could adopt a brood of Bolivian orphans, Britney could get pregnant with sextuplets, or Michelle Obama could start sexting Brad Pitt. Think about what stories you'd like to see, because, as we've learned from the editors of Star, Us, In Touch, Life & Style, and OK!, the only limit is your imagination.

1. Jennifer Aniston/2. Brad Pitt, Y2K: When this picture was taken in February of 2000, Pitt and Aniston had been dating for roughly two years. Just a few months later, the two were married, a union that lasted until 2005, when the couple split and Pitt moved on to Angelina Jolie. The story was a tabloid dream come true, with lurid tales of Pitt, Jolie, and Aniston creating a soap opera storyline that's still being played out, nearly 5 years later: just this week, Star Magazine ran a cover declaring that Jennifer Aniston was finally ready for baby..."with Brad's help!"


3. Angelina Jolie, Y2K: But the Brangelina storm hadn't swept through Jolie's life in 2000; at that point, she was married to Billy Bob Thornton, and delighting/horrifying the press with tales of their torrid love affair. Jolie claimed that she wore a vial of Thornton's blood around her neck, and the two weren't shy about discussing their sex life on the red carpet. By 2002, Jolie had adopted her first child, Maddox, and by 2003, Thornton and Jolie had divorced.


Jennifer Aniston, 2009: Aniston has spent the better part of the decade living in the tabloids; after Friends went off the air in 2004, she segued into a movie career, though the public seemed more interested in the scandal surrounding her divorce from Pitt. She has been painted as "lonely" and "desperate" by many a tabloid magazine, even though she's dated several famous men, including John Mayer and Vince Vaughn. Though the Brangelaniston blitz shows no signs of slowing, Aniston continues to make films and most likely hopes that the world moves past her 5-year-old divorce as we enter a new decade.


Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie, 2009: Jolie and Pitt, arguably the world's most famous couple, have gone on to have three biological children together; Pitt has also adopted Jolie's adopted children, and all of their children share the surname "Jolie-Pitt." The couple have devoted much of their energy to charity work through their Jolie/Pitt Foundation. and, like Aniston, I assume, to trying to break out of the Brangelina media blitz. Jolie, who 10 years ago spent time discussing the vials of blood around her neck, has since become a UN Goodwill Ambassador and is well-known for her humanitarian efforts.


4. Britney Spears, Y2K: Britney was on top of the world in 2000, riding the success of her second album, Oops...I Did It Again. In 2001, she performed her now-infamous "I'm A Slave 4U" dance at the MTV Video Music Awards, snake, see-thru bodysuit, and all, but things started to come off the rails in 2002, when her relationship with Justin Timberlake came to an end. Timberlake's solo career skyrocketed with songs about how Britney did him wrong, and Spears' career, and carefully marketed sexy virgin image, began to crumble.


In 2004, Spears married Kevin Federline (it was technically her first marriage, after an ill-advised 24 hour marriage to a childhood friend in Vegas). The marriage would produce two sons for Spears, Sean Preston and Jayden James, but it would also produce a number of disturbing problems.


By 2008, Spears and Federline had divorced, and Spears' erratic behavior had cost her custody of her two children. She spent most of her time in court or driving around Los Angeles, wearing wigs and stopping at gas stations and Starbucks shops. Spears' behavior become increasingly bizarre, with the pop star shaving her head on camera and giving a disastrous performance at the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards. After she was hospitalized twice for psychiatric reasons, her father, Jamie Spears, won the right to a conservatorship over his daughter. Spears' career and personal life were then intensely monitored and controlled by her father.


Britney Spears, 2009: By 2009, Spears' personal life and career appear to be back on track; she embarked on a world tour behind her successful record, Circus, has extended visitation rights with her children, and her conservatorship may end soon, leaving her in control of her own destiny for the first time in years. Hopefully, the next decade will be a little easier for Britney than the last one was.


5. Beyonce Knowles, Y2K: Beyonce, circa Y2K, was still with her group, Destiny's Child, figure skating across America, recording hits like "Independent Woman, Part 1" for the Charlie's Angels soundtrack. After several successful Destiny's Child singles like "Bootylicious," (which she co-wrote) Beyonce decided that we were, in fact, ready for this jelly, and decided to strike out on her own with her 2003 album, "Dangerously In Love." Destiny's Child split in 2005, and Knowles' solo career has been going strong ever since.


Beyonce Knowles, 2009: By 2009, Knowles had established a wildly successful solo career, introduced the world to her alter-ego, Sasha Fierce, married long-time boyfriend Jay-Z in a private ceremony, and branched out into acting with roles in Dreamgirls and Cadillac Records. Her video for "Single Ladies" is perhaps one of the most memorable videos of 2009, if not the entire decade.


6. Tom Cruise & 7. Nicole Kidman, Y2K:Though it seems a bit hard to picture at this point, Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman started the decade as a married couple; in 2001, they'd split after 11 years of marriage.


Nicole Kidman, 2009: Kidman's career skyrocketed after her divorce from Cruise; in 2003, she received the Academy Award for Best Actress for her portrayal of Virginia Woolf in The Hours. Kidman went on to marry country music star Keith Urban in 2006, and in 2008 the couple had a daughter together named Sunday Rose.


Tom Cruise, 2009: Tom Cruise's career hasn't fared as well as his ex-wife's this decade. His career tanked following an incredibly weird series of television appearance, such as a Today show appearance wherein he called Matt Lauer "glib" and accused him of not understanding the history of psychiatry like Cruise did, as well a now-infamous appearance on the Oprah Winfrey show during which Cruise jumped on Oprah's couch to declare his love for actress Katie Holmes, whom he married in 2006. The couple's marriage that year, as well as the birth of their daughter, Suri, has made them a tabloid favorite ever since, with Tom's association with Scientology often overshadowing both of their acting careers.


8. Whitney Houston, Y2K: Whitney started the decade with a Grammy Award for Best R&B Female Vocal Performance, but her career faltered as the decade went on. Accusations of drug use ("crack is wack") swirled around her marriage, which was documented for a depressing reality show called Being Bobby Brown, which showed a side of Houston the public had never seen before (and gave The Soup one of its favorite catchphrases). Houston divorced Brown in 2006, went to rehab for what she now admits was drug addiction, and began to get her career together.


Whitney Houston, 2009: In 2009, Houston returned with her album, I Look To You, discussed the difficulties of the past decade in a tell-all interview with Oprah and received a standing ovation at the American Music Awards following a performance of "I Didn't Know My Own Strength."


9. Lindsay Lohan, Y2K:, Lohan, shown here in 2001, began the decade under the Disney umbrella, starring in films like Freaky Friday and Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen. Her breakthrough came with 2004's Mean Girls and the release of her first album, Speak, though troubles in her personal life soon seemed to follow, with the actress being accused of having everything from an eating disorder to self-harming issues to drug addiction.


Lindsay Lohan, 2009: It has not been a great second half of the decade for Lohan; her last few years in the press have been dominated family troubles, her on again-off again relationship with Samantha Ronson, rumors of violent and erratic behavior, and film duds like I Know Who Killed Me and the straight-to-television Labor Pains. Yet Hollywood loves a comeback story, so we'll have to see what the next decade has in store for Lilo.


10. Joaquin Phoenix, Y2K: Phoenix started the decade by scoring an Academy Award nomination for his performance in Gladiator; a second nomination would come in 2005 for his portrayal of Johnny Cash in Walk The Line. In 2008, he shifted gears and began focusing on his rap career, which confused pretty much everyone.


Joaquin Phoenix, 2009: By 2009, Phoenix claimed he was retiring from acting to work on his rap career full-time. He discussed his plans during a now-infamous appearance on the Late Show with David Letterman, appearing completely out-of-it and nearly unrecognizable behind shades and a grizzled beard. Phoenix claims his rap career is "not a joke," and his transformation from actor to rapper is being filmed for an upcoming documentary by his brother-in-law, Casey Affleck. Whether or not Phoenix's career change will be successful (or if it's all an elaborate hoax) is yet to be seen, but I suppose all will be revealed at some point during the next decade. After all, you never know what can happen in just 10 years.

[Los Angeles, December 10. Image via Getty]

Ok!
"My Side Of The Story."
Rachel Uchitel was interviewed at her home, and Tiger Woods was not mentioned in the conversation. The mag's first question: "The media is painting you as the other woman, how would you describe yourself?" Uchitel says: "I've been called homewrecker, gold digger, tramp, whore. I make mistakes, but I'm not those things." For the next four pages, we learn: she has 2 dogs — one named Rudy Giuliani and one named Ozzy Osbourne; she likes Twilight and is Team Edward; and she watches Nancy Grace every night. In one picture, she is holding a photo of herself as a child and the caption reads: "I'm a good person." Moving on: The golf pro who introduced Tiger and Elin says she won't stay for him — or the money — after what he's done. "I don't see her being able to continue to love someone who violated her trust so thoroughly. That's not how she was raised." Hey, did you hear the rumor that when Rihanna and Zac Efron met backstage at David Letterman's Late Show, where they sipped champagne and swapped numbers? We didn't either. And Gossip Cop — which has partnered with Ok! — says it's not true. The rumor that Robert Pattinson was going to play John Lennon in Disney's 3-D remake of the Yellow Submarine is also false. Finally, in Taylor Squared news, a close friend of the pair tells Ok!: "They're the new Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron. But they have the same first name — that sends it over the top! The cuteness factor is through the roof."
Grade: F (22°)

Life & Style
"Sandra: Fighting For My Kid."
We were bored to tears by this cover story about how Jesse James's daughter, Sunny, will sleep over at her biological mom's house on Christmas Eve. Mom is porn star Janine Lindemulder, and the mag points out that her house is "where same place she films adult videos." But Janine has nothing bad to say about Sandy Bullock: "I applaud her for the way she's taken over these past six months. She's done a wonderful job with Sunny." Moving on: Brad and Angelina celebrated their 5th anniversary in a poolside bungalow at the Chateau Marmont. He surprised her! "To keep information from getting out, and to keep Angie in the dark, only top level hotel staff members were informed." Brad and Angie were holding hands when they arrived. Angie was a excited and kept asking Brad what he was up to, but he just smiled. They ordered pasta and vodka via room service, and didn't leave the room until the next day, when they had a "triple date" with Cindy Crawford and her husband and George Clooney and his gf. (It wasn't actually a date — it was the party for Clooney's new movie, but whatever.) Kendall Jenner is "vogueing" for Forever 21 in a new ad campaign, and the mag points out that "her eyes sparkle like Brody's" and she has sister Kim Kardashian's "hot hair." (See image 7.) Holly Madison and Benji Madden: Dating. Finally: "What Happened To Cameron's Face" alleges that Ms. Diaz had fillers and stuff, but she looks exactly the same in both pictures (See image 8.)
Grade: F (29°)

In Touch
"I Will Leave My Wife For You."
So now we know that Tiger was juggling his wife Elin, his fuckbuddy Jaimee Grubbs and his mistress, Rachel Uchitel at the same time. This mag has emails from Tiger to Rachel, which read: "I finally found someone I connect with, someone I have never found like this. Not even at home. You want someone to witness your life. I want you to lay next me, lay on me, or wherever you want to lay. Fuck. Why didn't we find each other years ago. We wouldn't be having this conversation." Later in the article there is a picture of Rachel in a white bikini next to a picture of Elin in a white bikini, and the copy reads: "Why would Tiger stray from Elin?" And mentions that she is "an elegant Swedish former model with a killer body." Moving on: "Miley: 17 Going On 37." She dresses in leather, she pole dances, and now she has a tattoo under her boob. Apparently her "bosses" at her record label are concerned about what message she sends to young fans. Yawn. Maddox Jolie-Pitt is "caught in the middle." When he was standing on the carpet between Brad and Angie, "the tension between the couple was palpable. And Maddox did not look happy about it." The photo accompanying this story negates and contradicts the allegations, because the three of them look pretty happy on the red carpet (see image 9.) Also, the text reads: "The thought of his mom and dad splitting after giving him all of these brothers and sisters seems to be having an affect [sic, it should be Effect) on him." An insider says, "Lately, he has just been playing video games." Bizarre behavior for an 8-year-old! Meanwhile, Pax is "wild," and "runs around the house screaming in Vietnamese and attacking Maddox." Sounds fun! Next: George Clooney has finally "met his match" with Italian TV personality Elisabetta Canalis — she won't let him pay her rent, and has more clout in Italy, so when they need a reservation, she'll use her name. "She's in control," says a source. Jessica Simpson "nearly fainted" when she found out that Tony Romo's new girlfriend, Candice Crawford, was wearing a diamond ring from Tony. In "Hollywood Weight Watch, Who's Up, Who's Down," we learn that Brittany Murphy is too skinny; Sara Rue needs to lose; Jared is up; Reese Witherspoon is down; Mischa Barton is up. Lastly: Looking into the eyes — and closet — of Teresa Giudice of Real Housewives Of New Jersey is horrifying. (See image 10.)
Grade: D- (45°)

Star
"Baby At Last — With Brad's Help!"
Jennifer Aniston's "mentor and confidant," ex-husband Brad Pitt, is "urging her on and patiently walking her step-by-step" through the "complicated, nerve-wracking" adoption process. After Jen visited an orphanage in Mexico, she sent Brad a text, telling him she was thinking of adopting. This set off a "flurry" of texts. "At first she wasn't sure she'd be strong enough," but "Brad gave her the courage to move forward." LOL. He told her: "You'll be an amazing mother. I've always believed that." When Jen heard that, "tears welled up in her eyes." She "pretty much lost it." LIKE WE ARE LOSING IT NOW. "For some reason, hearing Brad say those words to her was exactly what she needed." Brad told Angelina about the situation, and "Angelina exploded." But Brad explained that all Jen wants is help giving an orphan a good home. "This really struck a chord with Angie." She told Brad: "Do what you have to do." She told Brad to give Jen the number of her adoption expert, who helped her with Maddox, Pax and Zahara. Brad's been talking to Jen about how to nurture a child from another culture and reassured her that she can do it alone. In other Jolie-Pitt News, Maddox is looking forward to a small role in the new Karate Kid movie, Kung-Fu Kid, starring Will Smith's 11-year-old son Jaden. Blind item! "Which athlete has been playing the field behind his A-list girlfriend's back? One flirty night club encounter has already turned into a series of dates, and his main girl is getting suspicious." (coughARodCough) More: Lady Gaga drinks half a cup of apple cider vinegar three times a day. Britney saw that kooky Chris Brown wedding dance video and now she wants to do a special dance at her wedding to Justin Trawick. In Tiger Woods news, a "friend" of Rachel's says the night Tiger met Ms. Uchitel, they had sex seven times — and never used a condom. At 5 am, Tiger took a break to go to the gym, and when he came back, there were "two more rounds of lovemaking." The "friend" says: "This wasn't wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am type sex, this was making love. That's how Rachel describes it." Apparently Tiger was paranoid and would check cabinets and closets for hidden cameras or recording devices during his hookups. Ironic that his own text messages busted him! Rachel knew about Tiger's other chicks, Cori and Kalika, but "hearing about Jaimee was what broke her heart. The wife is one thing, but it's what the others have said that hurts. She read that he didn't use condoms with any of them, either, and it just grossed her out." Next: Jessica Alba's relationship with Cash Warren is falling apart — she told a "pal" that they're not sleeping in the same bed and she has a crush on Mario Lopez. Stephanie Pratt was fired from The Hills but MTV execs are letting her make it look like she quit, to avoid embarrassment. She'd been showing up hungover or not at all, and then there was the DUI. "Producers like catfights and broken romances, not drama that involves breaking the law," says a source. "Stephanie just became this major mess and was too much of a liability." Finally: Weight Wars! Winners & Losers" features an expert guessing what the stars have been doing with their bodies. Chris Noth has MAYBE been doing weight training and yoga. Mischa Barton has been eating more because she got kicked off The Beautiful Life. Jessia Simpson has "plumped up again."
Grade: C- (50°)

Us
"What She Knew"
In an epic story about Tiger Woods and his women, there's info about how Tiger Woods would cheat on his wife. He would book hotel rooms under Mr. & Mrs. Bell (his best friend is Byron Bell). He also text messaged — a lot. MANY of the text exchanges between Tiger and Jaimee Grubbs are printed here — and they were texting right up through Thanksgiving. A snippet:

Tiger: I need you.
Jaimee: Then get your tight ass over here and visit me! I need u
Tiger: I will wear you out soon
Jaimee: How soon? I got a new piercing.

To check out the rest, see image 11. Meanwhile, Elin was apparently living an "isolated life," jogging alone, wandering around Macy's alone, and eating alone at Cheesecake Factory. Next: In "25 Things You Don't Know About Me," Snoop Dogg reveals that he used to work at McDonald's; he has a "mancave," and his favorite subject was math, "Cuz if it ain't about money, it ain't about me." When Christina Milian and The Dream got married in Rome, she wore a lovely Monique Lhuillier gown; he wore an Alexander McQueen tux with Tom Ford boots. As in: Knee-high boots. (See image 12.) Charlie Sheen's wife Brooke has decided that she will only hire "older women" as nannies. The headline here is: "No Sags, No Wrinkles, No Job." Lastly: Britney Spears and Jason Trawick are "suddenly serious." His parents live on Long Island and Brit is scheduled to be in New York for three days around Christmas, and she'll visit his parents while she's here!
Grade: C (55°)

From Life & Style

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From Life & Style (but seems like a rip-off of when Us did What's Wrong With Lindsay's Face?)

Click "full size" to enlarge

From In Touch

From Us

Click "full size" to enlarge

From Us

[Los Angeles, December 3. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

[Los Angeles, December 3. Image via Getty]

• Ian Halperin, who is pushing his book, Brangelina : The Untold Story, claims that Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston had a "heated confrontation" at a deserted Hollywood restaurant after Brad and Jen's 2006 divorce. Halperin says:

"Jen was upset and shouted at Angelina . . . There was an altercation, it got pretty heated . . . It reduced Jen to tears." Um, he also claims that before meeting Brad, Angelina was "interested" in other married men: "She said she wanted to go after either Bill Clinton or Johnny Depp." But for business reasons, no? Anyway: Grain of salt. [Page Six]

• Dumb/untrue headline of the day: "Only Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Would Take An Eight-Year-Old To See A Film About Nelson Mandela." [Daily Mail]
• Roman Polanski began his house arrest in an Alpine chalet in the luxury resort of Gstaad today. [AP]
• Miley Cyrus's tattoo allegedly says "Just Breathe," but the rumor that she got her boyfriend's name inked probably started since she dated a dude named Justin. Just, Justin. Just saying. [Daily Mail]
• Jude Law and Sienna Miller: So back on? Or just friends? [Page Six]
• "Sources" say that the reason Rachel Uchitel canceled her press conference about Tiger Woods is because Tiger gave her $1 million. [MSNBC]
• TMZ says Tiger didn't pay Rachel, but that she canceled her press conference because she was "scared for her safety" and fears"all the other people caught in what is becoming a very large net." What the hell does that mean? [TMZ]
• According to a report, Tiger Woods' mom and mother-in-law were at his house the night of the incident and came outside after the cops showed up, with Tiger's mom asking, "What happened?" [USA Today}
• "Sources say Bryon Bell, a childhood friend and President of Tiger Woods Design, bought a plane ticket for Rachel Uchitel to go to Australia in mid-November to secretly spend time with Tiger. The ticket was purchased by Bell using a credit card. He also booked a room for Uchitel at the Crown Towers Hotel in Melbourne." The trip, of course, was booked to coincide with the Australian Masters, which Tiger won. [TMZ]
• TMZ has emails between Byron Bell and Rachel Uchitel. [TMZ]
• Tiger Woods is allegedly offering his wife Elin $80 million to stay for seven years in a revised prenup. Worth it? [NY Daily News]
• Destiny's Child is reuniting — in court for a lawsuit over the song "Cater 2 U." A source says: "Matthew [Knowles] has a long history of trying to get songwriters to add Beyoncé's name to songs she didn't compose, just so she gets publishing royalties." Kelly Rowland is pissed, apparently, that she is even involved. [Gatecrasher]
• The usually conservatively dressed Taylor Swift wears a bikini in a new video clip. [NY Daily News]
• WTF headline of the day: "Kim Kardashian: I'm Back to My Ninth-Grade Weight." Next goal: 3rd grade! Then sexy as a fetus! [E!]
• This picture of some of the kids from Glee about to sing in Bryant Park = awesome. [Gatecrasher]
• Hollywood kids in love! Patrick Schwarzenegger is seeing Tallulah Willis. [Page Six]
• Naomi Campbell went to Art Basel in Miami and a source says: "She was pretty rude, didn't bid on anything, and spent the whole time clinging to her boyfriend. Who shows up to a charity event with a bodyguard?" Is she obligated to bid on anything? What if the bodyguard was for her wealthy Russian beau? This story reeks of sour grapes. [Page Six]
• Rihanna told some radio station DJs that she likes a tall guy with a big dick. Audio at the link. [TMZ]
• In an unrelated incident, Rihanna was the subject of a random search at LAX. [NY Post]
• The other Real Housewives of NYC don't like new housewife Sonja Morgan. "I had never watched the show before I joined, " she says. "If I had, I probably wouldn't be on it." [Gatecrasher]
• It's Britney's birthday! Celebrate with this "28 Years In 28 Pictures" column. [Pop Wrap]
• Busta Rhymes was fined $75,000 because a man claims he was assaulted by the rapper at a concert. [NY Post]
• Steve-O has been clean and sober and criminal violation-free for 18 months, earning him dismissal of a cocaine-possession charge. [E!]
• "There's 16 different licenses that I do; I do acting, music and TV. It's a lot of fun, so right now we're creating some different TV shows which I'm going to star in as well as produce and I'm just finishing up my new album." — Paris Hilton has a new perfume and a bunch of other projects and she is not going away. [Mirror]
• "It's hard for me. My wife passed away seven months ago and I don't want to think about the afterlife. I don't believe in that sort of thing. It'd be nice, if it were there. Woody Allen has that great quote where he says he doesn't believe in an afterlife, although he's bringing a change of underwear. That's how I feel." — Stanley Tucci, who plays a pedophile in The Lovely Bones, which deals with life after death, in a way. He shot Julie & Julia afterward, and says: "That film was the antidote to this one, and was exactly what I needed to do. I stayed at home, worked with Meryl, laughed a ton and made martinis every night. We're like two children together and laugh all the time, which is why we get along so well." [WSJ]
• "Of course, we feel like for us to put out an album titled Greatest Hits would maybe insinuate that we've got nothing left. I look at it as the end of Chapter 1—the first 15 years. I never thought we would last more than two albums. It wasn't meant to be a band. I would've called it something else if it were meant to be a band. Something other than Foo Fighters, I swear." — More great quotes from Dave Grohl at the link. [Time]
• "I'm getting my child a mortgage. She split time between New York and L.A. growing up, but she's a New Yorker. It's a house in the West Village, which is all she wants in life." — Courtney Love is giving Frances Bean property for Christmas. [Style.com]
• "There were a ton of paparazzi in the café with their huge cameras and laptops. I was like, 'Peter, oh my god, they are so into us. They're swarming us. We are so important.' It turns out Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise were living on that street. It was the winter, so the photographers would go into the café to download their pictures."— earlier this year, Maggie Gyllenhaal thought she and Peter Sarsgaard were the toast of New York. [E!]
• "I feel the consequences of that every day. I was going to put the hose in the most noxious of the cars I own, a Jeep, take some sleeping pills and take a nice nap in the front seat of my car in the garage." — Alec Baldwin, on calling his daughter a "rude, thoughtless little pig" in a voicemail. [Daily Express via Men's Journal]
• "It's been amazing [to have twin daughters] but complicated because of my current work schedule, which I have enormous regrets about… One would prefer to be held 24 hours a day, and the other is already suffering from type A issues. It is the eternal conflict of every working woman. I've done this to myself. And I have a wonderful, wonderful nanny who allows me to be a working person. The great challenge for me is to be all things to all people; I want to be a great mother, and I want to feel good when I'm at work. But it is hard." — Sarah Jessica Parker regrets filming Sex And The City Part Deux. [NY Daily News via Glamour]

• Elin Nordgren isn't leaving Tiger Woods, but she is revising their prenup. A source claims she's "being paid a hefty seven-figure amount - immediately transferred into an account she alone controls - to stick with her husband."

• Elin has reportedly demanded a total rewrite of the couple's prenuptial agreement. Others say they're in marriage counseling, and a friend of the couple adds, "She and Tiger have had problems in the past, this is obviously as bad as it's ever been, but she's not leaving as of now." [MSNBC]
• Elin Nordegren reportedly called Jaimee Grubbs, Tiger Woods' alleged mistress, to confront her about her affair with her husband on Friday after his car crash. Grubbs told her co-workers that a woman called from an unidentified number and when she asked who it was, the woman said, "You know who this is because you're fucking my husband." [TMZ]
• Jaimee Grubbs told Us: "Elin has never called me as far as I know. I did get a call from an unknown number last Tuesday (the same day as Tiger left me a message), but I never picked up." [Us]
• A "friend," who claims Jaimee Grubbs told her all about the affair, says she asked her about Woods being married, "and she said that she just put a blind eye to it... She just played the dumb card and whenever it came up she just changed the subject or never let on that she knew he was married." [E!]
• Jaimee Grubbs told all of her co-stars on Tool Academy that she was having an affair with Tiger Woods. "We all knew about Jaimee's affair with Tiger Woods because she told us," said her castmate Aida Menaska. She also talked about the affair on camera. " I guess they cut it out because VH1 didn't want to cause problems for Tiger Woods and his wife," said Menaska. [Radar Online]
• Us editor Bradley Jacobs says that before the magazine posted the voicemail Jaimee Grubbs claims is from Tiger Woods it was vetted by the Us legal team. "It's very clear that this is Tiger's voice," Jacobs said. "He's a very recognizable figure. He's a billion dollar brand. We all know his voice. As soon as you hear it, you know it's Tiger." [CBS News]
• An attorney for Tiger Woods' neighbors says they saw him after his accident on Friday and his injuries were "consistent with a car wreck and inconsistent with him being beat up... The scratches on his face were consistent with someone who maybe was in a minor car accident and hit his head on the windshield. ... None of his injuries looked like he was beat up by his wife." [ESPN]
• Rachel Uchitel (Tiger Woods' other alleged mistress) and her lawyer Gloria Allred have been complaining about the paparazzi hounding them... so they had lunch at Spago and fed the photographers cookies afterwards. [TMZ]
• Roman Polanski will be placed under house arrest at his Alpine chalet on Friday. He will have to wear an electronic bracelet and stay in the house as officials decide whether to extradite him to the U.S. [AP]
• Michael Lohan gave a two-and-a-half hour deposition today against his former BFF Jon Gosselin for TLC's lawsuit against Jon. "They asked questions regarding my involvement on a business level with Jon Gosselin; deals that were negotiated, transactions that did occur and basically my deal with Michael Heller," said Lohan. "I think they have a very, very strong case, one that I definitely don't think they'll lose. So good luck to Jon." [Radar Online]
• Four people accused of breaking into the homes of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and other celebrities pleaded not guilty to felony burglary charges today, including alleged ringleader Nicholas Prugo. [AP]
• A judge has thrown out a defamation lawsuit filed against the Dixie Chicks by the stepfather of one of the three 8-year-old boys killed in Arkansas 15 years ago. The man says Natalie Maines accused him of being involved with their deaths because she made statements supporting the "West Memphis Three," the teenagers convicted of the crimes. [AP]
• BREAKING: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie held hands at a party hosted by George Clooney and Brad asked people how their Thanksgiving was. [Us]
• According to USA TODAY's Celebrity Heat Index, which measures media exposure, Angelina Jolie is this month's hottest celebrity, followed by Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. Kourtney Kardashian is the most popular reality star, to which we say, "Her?" [USA Today]
• Lily Allen has confirmed she's going to take "one or two years off from recording and performing music" after a concert at the O2 in London in March. She says she's going to start a record label, set up a fashion shop with her sister, and "spend some time in the home I've built for myself." [BBC]
• Sad news: David Beckham's 83-year-old grandfather died today of lung cancer. He and Becks were very close. [The Mirror]
• British Prime Minister Gordon Brown referred to Reese Witherspoon as Renee Zellweger when she visited Parliament to promote Refuge and Avon's global campaign against domestic violence. It wasn't just a slip of the tongue either. He said, 'I'm very grateful that Renee Witherspoon is leading this campaign. She spoke movingly at the funeral of Anthony Minghella and I welcome her to the House today," but Zellweger spoke at the memorial. [Daily Mail]
• Kate Hudson said of the pictures of her kissing A-Rod at the AMAs, "There's a guy that's shooting probably 60 frames a minute. That was a sideswipe on the cheek. That wasn't even a kiss. I quickly kissed the cheek. And I remember one of the headlines the next day said, MAKEOUT SESSION. What is wrong with people?" [People]
• Redmond O'Neal appeared in court today for a progress report and told the court, "I have been doing treatment awhile your honor... I want to do something different. I want to stay clean." The judge said, "I told you to turn it around, and it looks like you did." [Radar Online]
• Ugh. In the TV special Psychic Hollywood: The Search For Truth, which airs next week, Alana Stewart asks medium James Van Praagh to contact Farrah Fawcett. He says, "She (Fawcett) wants to thank you... and she's bringing these beautiful flowers." [Daily Express]
• Camila Alves, Matthew McConaughey's girlfriend, will hose the new season of Shear Genius. [People]
• Stevie Wonder broke down and nearly cried at the Rock and Roll 25th Hall of Fame Anniversary Concert while performing Michael Jackson's "The Way You Make Me Feel." John Legend gave him a hug. [TMZ]
• Pamela Anderson is being sued for $5,000 by a contracting company for allegedly refusing to return tools and other supplies to one of the people who worked on her Malibu estate. [Radar Online]
• American Idol winner Fantasia Barrino is starring in a new VH1 reality show called Fantasia For Real, which debuts on January 11. [N.Y. Post]
• Sara Rue, the new spokeswoman for Jenny Craig says, "My weight has fluctuated my whole life, and because I've been on television since I was 11 years old, everyone has seen it." [People]
• A judge denied a request from Verne Troyer's ex-girlfriend to make her temporary restraining order against him permanent. [TMZ]
• Kimora Lee Simmons may return to judge America's Next Top Model next season. [E!]
• Kimora Lee Simmons would like you to know that, "Djimon Honsou and I enjoy discussing anything from politics to wine, and we have enriching, private, happy, balanced lives together... That's probably the thing that would shock people most: We do things like go to the grocery store and have fun with our kids. We're a normal family, doing the best we can." [People]
• "I don't want my children to feel they have a sense of entitlement," says Sarah Jessica Parker. "I want them to work hard and be challenged. That's hard to do when you have everything you need and want, so I am working on those values all the time." [People]
• When asked what she thinks of White House party crashers Michaele and Tareq Salahi, table-flipper Teresa Giudice of The Real Housewives of New Jersey said, "It's a little crazy... I wouldn't go to any place I wasn't invited to. It's poor etiquette. It's not my style." [Us]
• "It's just so natural for me to be married," says Khloe Kardashian. "I was never somebody who was a serious relationship person. Now I'm all in and it's so easy. It's so comfortable for him and I both." [People]
• "I would not advise any actor necessarily, if he was really thinking of his career, to come out," says Rupert Everett. "It just doesn't work and you're going to hit a brick wall at some point. You're going to manage to make it roll for a certain amount of time, but at the first sign of failure they'll cut you right off. And I'm sick of saying, 'Yes, it's probably my own fault.' Because I've always tried to make it work and when it stops working somewhere, I try to make it work somewhere else. But the fact of the matter is, and I don't care who disagrees, it doesn't work if you're gay." [The Sun]
• Will Ferrell says, "I would love to play Simon Cowell in a movie - heck, I would love it. It would be my dream role. He's become a legend in five years, nobody knew who he was five years ago and now he's one of the most famous people on TV. It wouldn't be that hard for me to play him because I see a lot of Ron Burgundy in Simon Cowell." [Daily Express]

Ok!
"$75 Million For Baby #2."
Can we talk about this cover for a minute? We find it very conversational: "Shhhh!" and "Sorry Nicole — We Can't Keep A Secret" amd "OMG! Tiger Reveals What Really Happened." Inside, "sources" tell Ok! that there's been tension between Katie and Tom because he's been pushing for another baby since Suri was delivered. Wait, since Suri was delivered? Was he in the hospital when she came out, saying, "Gimme another one!" Anyways. Katie plans to get pregnant in the next year and Tom plans to set aside $75 million for his new offspring. A "pal" says part of the reason Katie's going to have another kid is because "she no longer feels like she's just Mrs. Cruise — she's her own person again. A sidebar headline reads: "Meanwhile, Tom's Ex Nicole Looks Pregnant." (see image 7) Dr. Christopher Sipe, who does not treat Nicole, says: "It appears she may be 30 weeks pregnant. Or she could be teasing the media." Wait wait wait. Nicole is 7 ½ months along? Or joking? Glad we narrowed that down. Moving on: Liza Minnelli and Adam Lambert are "surprise look-alikes." (See image 8.) Angelina Jolie says of Brad Pitt, "I met the right person and I don't like being without him." Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are "taking a break." Jake is reluctant to live a "middle-aged lifestyle" what with the two kids and the farm and whatnot. They came to an agreement to spend some times apart and reconnect in a couple of weeks and see how they feel. Finally: Jessica Simpson is "smitten" with former Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan "since connecting with the bald bad boy at a November 6 party." They left together and that was the last anyone heard of them for days!
Grade: F (flubbed shot)

Life & Style
"The Truth About My Marriage."
Ugh. As you may have noticed, L&S pushes the Kardashians on every other cover. They're on one week, off the next, then on again, and it's been going on basically since July. Or maybe earlier. We guess the editors struck a deal with the family, but the coverage is seriously tedious. Here's what Margaret learned from this incredibly long interview: Khloe says Lamar would be happy if she got pregnant right away, but she'd like to wait. And even though she met his 11-year-old daughter from a previous relationship, Destiny, she has never met his 7-year-old son Lamar Jr. That's what you get for rushing your reality TV wedding! Margaret thinks Lamar should concentrate on having his son meet his new wife instead of trying to make a new baby. Moving on: Lady Gaga is "making everyone crazy" and is responsible for Adam Lambert's sexed-up AMA performance, for Rihanna's "barely-there bodysuit" at the AMAs and for Miley Cyrus being more seductive. Britney Spears and Jason Trawick are talking about having kids; she wants a girl. But, the magazine warns that Britney "relies heavily" on two medications to remain stable. And it might not be wise to take them while she is pregnant. Health advice is servicey! Gwyneth Paltrow has been spotted in London without Chris Martin and an insider says they're staying together for the children. Gwynnie refuses to get divorced, but "she's lived the last year or so of her life like a divorcée." What does that mean? Because I picture it involves drinking wine and wearing cleavage-highlighting outfits. Lastly: In Tiger Woods news, an insider names another woman, Kalika Moquin, as someone Tiger has hooked up with a bunch of times. "Tiger told Kalika that married life isn't all it's built up to be," and that he was unhappy and feeling lots of pressure. Kalika is a marketing manager for The Bank nightclub in Las Vegas, and the mag has a pic of her (See image 9.) When contacted, she did not confirm or deny the affair, saying it was "not appropriate" for her to comment one way or the other. We take this to mean she hasn't yet settled on a dollar amount for which to sell her story.
Grade: D- (fat shot)

In Touch
"It's Worse Than Anyone Knows."
As we learned last week, Angelina wanted to take the kids to Asia for Thanksgiving but Brad was against it, because he wanted to go to his parent's house. Now Brad's parents are advising him to leave Angie "before the relationship destroys him." The Cambodia trip allegedly fell through, so the Jolie-Pitts stayed in LA for the holiday. The copy here reads: "With no obvious reason beyond his partner's selfishness, Brad was forced to call his mother Jane on November 17, canceling the plans his whole family had been looking forward to for weeks." On the phone, "Jane sensed Brad's hurt" and asked if he was alright. "For a change, he didn't sugarcoat it." GASP. "He told his mom, 'It's worse than you think,' the insider reveals, adding that Brad was 'in tears' during the call." Jane was shocked it was so bad and told Brad to leave Angelina. The mag adds: "His only joy these days is Jen, 40, with whom he has been talking or texting nearly every day." Brad has confided to his parents that he still has feelings for Jen and they are urging him to follow through. Brad was disappointed that Jen went to Morocco for the holiday but they made plans to meet when she's back. And! Jen invites Brad's parents to her annual Christmas Eve dinner every year, and this year, they accepted, for the first time. Oh, and Gwyneth Paltrow and Jennifer Aniston bonded when they were both in Morocco; they are both worried about Brad's future and almost called him together but decided against it. Moving on: Reese and Jake are being torn apart because he's very serious about marriage and children and wants to "make things official" but Reese never gives in. Maggie Gyllenhaal is trying to reunite them. Lindsay Lohan is having a "secret romance" with Entourage star Kevin Connolly. They've known each other for years but hooked up at a party at Leonardo DiCaprio's house in November and are "sneaking around." Ooh, plastic surgery special! Zac Efron's nose was "refined." Megan Fox had implants, lip injections and a nose job. Etc. (See image 10.) It goes on for a few pages. Lastly: Tom Cruise begged Katie Holmes to join him in Europe for Thanksgiving, but she stayed in New York.
Grade: D (double bogey)

Star
"The Fight To End All Fights!"
An alarm went off at Brad and Angie's house in LA, so the cops came, and left 20 minutes later. The mag claims: "Five alarm fights are the norm for Brad and Angelina these days." Apparently Angelina is a "screamer" and will get physical, shoving Brad. He wanted to go to Missouri for Thanksgiving; she wanted to take Pax on a humanitarian mission. So they fought. He told her she was selfish; she started hyperventilating and threw a chair at him. Brad stormed out of the house and went to Chateau Mirval — he said he was going to set up the house for Christmas, but he really just wanted to get away from Angelina. Brad is also mad that Angelina is trying to adopt from Africa again and not involving him in the process — and he doesn't want another kid yet. Please note: The image used on the cover is a picture of Angelina Jolie crying on UN World Refugee Day — June 20, 2003 (click that link and see). Brad and Angie did not get together until 2005, nearly TWO years later. Moving on: Tyra Banks is "super skinny" and "looks gaunt and waif-like." She looks fine to us? (See image 11.) Blind item! "Which singer is less of a gentleman than he seems? He hits the red carpet with gorgeous gals while hiding his real girlfriend — because she's a stripper." Hmm, Ne-Yo's album is Year Of The Gentleman… Reese Witherspoon had 40 people over for Thanksgiving and after eating they all sat around the piano and sang. Jake Gyllenhaal was a no-show, and "everyone was told not to mention his name." Reese and Jake broke up because he wants to get married someday, but felt that Reese was pushing him into it — he got freaked out and said he wasn't ready for such a commitment. David Hasselhoff went on a three-day drinking binge and was put on a psych hold at the hospital, but has been released. Britney Spears is pregnant! A "family insider" says she took a home pregnancy test after feeling queasy; her period was 2 weeks late. Two tests were positive! She called sis Jamie Lynn, who was not very supportive, telling Brit she hoped it was a false positive. Britney made JLS swear to secrecy, but JLS told the whole family. Jason is scared of making a huge commitment right now and "nobody thinks Britney's ready to be a mom again." Um, she's already a mom, right? Finally: A friend says Lindsay "just feels defeated and doesn't care what happens." She thinks "no one can save her, not even herself." LL was partyhopping on November 12 and wound up with Brandon Davis, her former enemy, and they were seen "bending out of sight and then wiping their noses after they stood back up." Which translates into "sniffing coke." When she saw photographers outside the house, she started throwing food out the window and acting crazy. At another party, Lindsay begged Leonardo DiCaprio to help her get a film role and he "gently suggested" she clean up her act. An insider says Lindsay took that as a slap in the face and the kind of help people are offering is not the kind she wants. Plus, her friends are abandoning her and she's resorted to hanging out with strangers. "These people don't care about her, so they don't stop her from taking so many drugs," a source says. "She could overdose and they wouldn't do anything. Lindsay knows it's dangerous, but she doesn't care anymore."
Grade: C (par for the course)

Us
"Yes, He Cheated."
In an exclusive interview, cocktail waitress Jaimee Grubbs, claims she's been having an affair with Tiger Woods for nearly three years. She played a voicemail from November 24 for the mag, which goes like this: "Hey, it's Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor. Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you. So if you can, please take your name off that. Just have it as a number on the voicemail. You got to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. Bye." In a sidebar on Jaimee, she spills details about how they met; when things first started getting physical; their first sexual encounter; how she made Tiger watch Desperate Housewives, which he "allowed" because "My friend Teri Hatcher is on it." Jaimee shares sexy texts from Tiger with the mag and there's a picture of her holding her iPhone with Tiger's name listed in it. Tiger told her his life was overwhelming, but that he needed the endorsements and busy schedule because he wasn't as financially stable as he wanted to be. "I thought, fuck him, I'm just an average person, that's a slap in the face. But he has really high goals for himself." And the end of the piece, Jaimee says: "I do apologize that his wife is going to have to read this… Whatever happens with Elin, I hope Tiger and I can reconnect and remain good friends." Yeeeahhh… Not gonna happen. Meanwhile, Rachel Uchitel is saying she did not have an affair with Tiger Woods but met him twice. Her friends, however, say that he was exchanging sexts and emails with her. And one email is about how he had a terrible dream that she was "getting fucked by [former flings] Derek [Jeter] and David [Boreanaz]. Some part of me thinks you would like that." MOVING ON. We loved Mindy Kaling's "25 Things You Don't Know About Me" — especially "I will see any movie that features a makeover set to music." (For more see image 12!) Next, Nicole Kidman is not pregnant, her rep confirms. John Mayer has a late night show "in development," but 85% of Us readers would not watch it. Jessica Simpson was overheard at a restaurant asking her mom, "Do I like Gouda cheese?" Have you seen Heidi Klum's adorbs new baby? See image 13! Also, you probably were not aware, but "Thanksgiving Is For L♥vers." (See image 14.) Lastly: "No celeb goes to Villa in West Hollywood on Thursday nights anymore." But on November 19, Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Alba's husband Cash Warren both showed up with their friends and sat together, and after about 30 minutes, started making out "lip on tongue." "It was raw," says an eyewitness. "They were not shy." Lindsay spoke to Us and says she and Cash are friends who are collaborating on a potential TV show. "This is so absurd. He is married. I wouldn't dare kiss him."
Grade: C+ (1 over par)

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From Life & Style

From In Touch

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[Los Angeles, December 1. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• Chris Brown will not be singing on Good Morning America next week as scheduled. He will, however, "come clean" in a primetime interview about what happened the night he assaulted former girlfriend Rhianna. [NY Post]

• Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal have not, repeat NOT split up. Says a rep for Witherspoon. A person who, a year or so ago, probably would not have confirmed the two were together. [Us Magazine]
• Meanwhile, "in the wake of infidelity rumors," Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow are about to spend time apart: She will be working on a musical in the US and then filming a movie in Germany. Will the marriage survive?!?!? [UPI]
• Britney Spears allegedly proposed to her boyfriend, Jason Trawick, only to have him reject the offer. Allegedly. This made her "furious," so she (allegedly) "banished" Jason from Australia, where she is on tour. [MTV.com.au]
• Perez Hilton has written a second book, in which he claims that Drew Barrymore is "always fucked up" and is "not the sober kitten that the main public may think she is." In addition, he claims that "someone" tips off the photogs when Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony want to show the world pictures of themselves together. [Gatecrasher]
• Despite an apparent suicide note via Twitter, Michael Lohan is not dead, did not try to kill himself and the Twitter account saying so is not even his. [Gawker]
• Meryl Streep is on the cover of Vanity Fair and says: "It's incredible-I'm 60, and I'm playing the romantic lead in romantic comedies! Bette Davis is rolling over in her grave." Director Mike Nichols claims: "She broke the glass ceiling of an older woman being a big star-it has never, never happened before." [Vanity Fair]
• Rachel Uchitel, who is being called Tiger Woods' alleged mistress (as we learned in Midweek Madness, Star magazine alleges Uchitel has been sexting Tiger) is working with famed lawyer Gloria Allred now and the two are "deciding" what the next step will be. [TMZ]
• Rachel Uchitel says: "I did not have any involvement with him [Woods]. Whatever was written in the Enquirer was not said by me, it was said by two people that claimed they were friends of mine but they're not." [E!]
• Tiger Woods canceled a meeting with the Florida Highway Patrol. [TMZ]
• The FHP is trying to obtain a search warrant to seize medical records from the hospital which treated Tiger Woods. The idea is to find out if his injuries were from car accident or domestic violence; some reports claim that his wife followed him out of the house and struck his moving car with a gold club, causing him to hit a fire hydrant and tree. [TMZ]
• Brad Pitt's "Make It Right" homes in New Orleans are getting mixed reviews. Some people feel that the architecture is not grounded in the history of New Orleans and that the houses can be "alien, sometimes even insulting," [PopEater]
• Michael Jackson's enormous debt may be paid off, thanks to the music royalties and box-office bonanza from This Is It. [Daily Express]
• Mary Murphy wants Tom Cruise to be a guest judge on So You Think You Can Dance, and Katie Holmes says: "He would be great. He really would." It'll happen, if Xenu wills it so! [E!]
• Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz sped away from a stampede via motorcycle in Cadiz, Spain yesterday — it was a scene was for their flick Knight & Day, but the stampede was real. [NY Post]
• David Hasselhoff's ex-wife Pamela Bach was busted for DUI Saturday night. Bail was set at $15,000; Bach was released on her own recognizance and attended an AA meeting yesterday. [TMZ]
• Meanwhile, David Hasselhoff was under an involuntary psychiatric hold at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center over the weekend after drinking a "large amount of alcohol." [Radar Online]
• Except: David Hasselhoff's lawyer denies that David was on a psych hold: "David's at home. He's fine. I'm not sure where that information is coming from." [E!]
• Rumor has it Kate Moss is sick of the "media glare" in the UK and may move to New York or Paris, where, as you may know, there are absolutely no paparazzi or tabloids. [Daily Mail]
• After a record-breaking opening weekend, New Moon's ticket sales dropped nearly 70% from Friday to Sunday. Somehow, The Blind Side is doing really well. [Us Magazine]
• Rihanna says: "I haven't been in touch with my dad for a year and a half... by his choice. He came on tour and acted a mess. We sent him home and after that he didn't answer my calls." Her dad says: "I leave messages for her but I never hear back. I want nothing more in this world than to see my daughter again and to be part of her life." And: "I'm sorry and I love you." A page from the MIchael Lohan book of child/parent communication! [Mirror]
• Taylor Momsen does that sullen, insomniac teen thing so well in the new Japanese edition of NyLon. [ONTD]
• Congrats to Tom Arnold, who was married for the fourth time in Hawaii on Saturday. The lady's name is Ashley Groussman and the wedding had an Asian theme; the couple chanted a Buddhist prayer after exchanging rings. [Us Magazine]
• You know, if we're not supposed to be admiring the physique of 17-year-old Taylor Lautner, then stop shooting slo-mo video of his biceps. Jeez. [Rolling Stone]
• Taylor Lautner says that once Jamie Foxx approached him and said, "Hey, my daughter is a huge fan, and I'm a huge fan. Is there any way I can get a picture with you? I'm Jamie Foxx." To which Taylor replied: "Are you kidding me? Can I get a picture with you?" [Gatecrasher]
• Apparently Jon Gosselin tweeted that he was going to his grandma's for Thanksgiving, but Hailey Glassman tweeted: "LOL-U are in Utah snowboarding w/ ‘friends'-lol-ur redic." [Gatecrasher]
• When Tila Tequila performs, she demands that there be 20 cans of Red Bull on hand "at all times." Healthy! [Page Six]
• When Simon Cowell's X Factor comes to the US, the contestants will be vying for a chance to sing in Las Vegas. [NY Post]
• According to a police report, in early November, Anthony Michael Hall "bit his girlfriend's forehead" and "pushed, shoved and spit at" her during a fight in her apartment. [Page Six]
• Breaking: Hugh Laurie has a black eye, obtained while boxing. [Daily Express]
• Seriously, I can't believe that thieves transferred more than £200,000 from Ricky Gervais's bank account — using a fake passport with a picture of Gervais playing David Brent cut from a DVD of The Office. Insane. [Daily Mail]
• Susan Boyle's album is at the top of the UK charts. [NY Post]
• "The brother of Susan Boyle said U.S. actress Kathy Bates should portray his sister in a film about the amateur Scottish singer's life." [UPI]
• Michael Kenneth Williams, aka Omar from The Wire, plays a thief in The Road. He says he was Method acting for the role: "I followed Viggo [Mortensen]'s cues. We didn't wash, we didn't cut our hair. No grooming. I smelled. I reeked." And! He'll be in a new HBO crime drama produced by Martin Scorsese. He says: "I'm not afraid of typecasting; I'm afraid of not eating." [NY Mag]
• Welcome to the digital age, Bill Cosby! Congrats on your new website, Facebook account, Twitter account and Flickr account. [NY Times]
• "Jay Leno Losing His Audience To DVR Machines." [AP]
• "I wanted to be on the edge of personal space that is shy of violating a person's privacy but close enough to suggest intimacy. I was trusting my intuition from my past [talk show] experience when I'd ask myself, why is this desk in between me and the person I'm talking to?" — William Shatner has a special face-to-face couch on his Raw Nerve show on Bio. [NY Post]
• "I don't want to be any kind of a happy couple with a photograph on the television set. I find it embarrassing. You have to get involved with other people's relatives and great aunt Bessies and all of that — and I'd rather not. I'm 50 years old now and a pattern emerges and I accept that and I don't mind at all." — Morrissey. At the link, check out Moz's Desert Island Discs: New York Dolls, Ramones, Iggy and the Stooges. [Guardian]
• "I've become a bit of a gym person. I feel apologetic about it because it looks a little uncool, but I like to have an appointment every day. Plus it's the only time I watch TV." — Claire Danes. [Times of London]
• "Whilst we press politicians to pass global laws to reduce carbon emissions, we should not forget our individual capacity to act in ways that will help to fight climate change - such as limiting the eating of meat. Having one designated meat-free day a week is a meaningful change that everyone can make." — Paul McCartney. [BBC News]
• "From the '93 case — they accused him of just the most horrible things. This kid's father has committed suicide because he just couldn't take it, and now the kid has come forth and said, Michael never touched him." — Jermaine Jackson, on Evan Chandler, who accused Michael Jackson of sexually abusing his son Jordy. [OMG via Access Hollywood]
• "I read once that Alexander the Great would've not been great, that great, if he would've not traveled with the historians who documented his multiple battles and his victories. So documenting your work is important, making sure that the work, if it's well done, if you put many hours and effort and energy into that, that it does its job, that it's presented the right way. And that's when you make sure that you're surrounded by intelligent people who can also contribute to your career in great ways… You can't win a battle if you don't have the right army behind you." — Shakira. [LA Times]
• "I definitely believe in the possibility of intelligent life on other planets. There's just so much space out there to not believe in that. For me, the idea with this movie is to be open to change. You should be accepting of change because, only through change, can you grow and learn more about yourself, as a human or alien." — Jessica Biel, who voices an alien in Planet 51. [Independent]
• "I like me better naked. I don't mean that in a vain way… When you put clothes on, you immediately put a character on. Clothes are adjectives, they are indicators. When you don't have any clothes on, it's just you, raw, and you can't hide." — Padma Lakshmi. [Page Six]
• "The word gay has become used as a derogatory term and this is something which education can help to resolve. Either that or we choose another word to describe ourselves. I rather like another G word – glorious." — Ian McKellen. [Daily Express]
• "The first day I met [Tracy Morgan], I had a small Afro, and he was like, 'You know, if you want to get dreads, you should get your girl pregnant and put the placenta in your hair.' And I was like, 'What the fuck … are you talking about?' But from that point on, I thought, Any brain that can make that up needs to be studied." — Donald Glover, who quit 30 Rock before being cast on Community. [NY Mag]
• "Every woman should have naked pictures taken. In five years my body might not look like this! I've always been borderline raunchy and a little sexy. But sexy at 19 and sexy at 21 is two different things. I'm just having fun. When naked pictures I'd sent to a boyfriend were leaked this year I was so nervous and embarrassed that my mom was going to see them. But she reacted in the most surprising way. She just sent me a text saying, 'You're an adult now.' Basically saying, 'Welcome to the real world.' She says I'm a woman now so I have to handle things like an adult." — Rihanna. [The Sun]
• "I can't remember the last time I really worried about being appealing." — Meryl Streep. [Page Six]

• Tiger Woods was briefly hospitalized after his car crashed into a fire hydrant and tree outside of his home early Friday morning. Woods suffered lacerations on his lips, but is otherwise "in good condition." [Reuters]

• Woods' wife, Elin Nordegren, who was not in the car at the time of the crash, was responsible for pulling Woods out of the crashed vehicle by smashing the back windshield with golf clubs and pulling Woods, who was drifting "in and out of consciousness" out of the car. [People]
• TMZ is reporting a markedly different version of the story, however, claiming that Elin scratched Tiger's lips up before the accident, during a fight the two had over rumors that Woods was seeing another woman. Tiger then attempted to drive away, which is when Elin hit the back windshield with the golf clubs and Tiger drove into the hydrant. Oh, dear. [TMZ]
• Woods was reportedly unconscious for six minutes after the accident occurred. [DailyMail]
• Though alcohol has been ruled out as a cause of the crash, "unspecified charges" are apparently still pending. [TimesOnline]
• Ugh: Chris Brown will be interviewed by Robin Roberts for an episode of 20/20 on December 11. [Yahoo]
• The Arabian Horse Foundation has established a scholarship in the name of Patrick Swayze and his wife as a tribute to their "love of the Arabian breed and contributions over the years to AHA youth programs." [Yahoo]
• Kevin Federline pulled out of a radio show appearance in Australia after the station advertised that he'd discuss the possibility of getting back together with his ex, Britney Spears. Says Federline's publicist: "The headline was completely out of context with the interview and Kevin is not getting back with Britney, so he said, 'F... them, I'm not going to do their show'."[News.Au]
• Cate Blanchett says that vacuuming is a "therapeutic" experience: "It's a very satisfying noise when you hear all that grit sucked up from the floor and into the machine." [People]
• Courtney Love spent her Thanksgiving at Scores with actor DJ Qualls, which somehow seems totally normal. [PageSix]
• "The success of the Twilight books comes from the fact that fans can lust after Edward and yet, certainly in the first book, there's no actual sexual contact between him and the series heroine."- Robert Pattinson [ShowbizSpy]
• Rihanna had this advice for the remaining contestants on Britain's X-Factor: "'In this industry, if they can't take the comments that the judges are giving them, then they won't be prepared for this world. This world is a lot more intense and the comments can be a lot worse." [DailyMail]
• Zachary Quinto says that playing Spock hasn't really changed life just yet: "I don't know, maybe I should be chased down the street by rabid Star Trek fans. But I engage fans on a personal level, and I engage them as myself. It's really important that those boundaries are clear, and that's always been the case in my life. It seems to be working." [JustJared]
• David Hasselhoff was hospitalized yesterday after reportedly suffering a seizure. [RadarOnline]
• Jennifer Aniston and Gwyneth Paltrow showed up "practically clutching" each other at a party in Morocco recently, which clearly means they were talking shit about their mutual ex, Brad Pitt, and his tendency to copy their haircuts. [PageSix]
• "I still am a tomboy. I love to go fishing. I love sports. I used to play ice hockey. You know, I think people only see the glamour and the parties, but when I'm at home I'm completely different."-Paris Hilton [People]
• Megan Fox is a big fan of military men: "Every time I've ever come in contact with anybody from the military. You're always the most chivalrous, polite and respectful men I've ever met." [JustJared]
• A cellmate of Roman Polanski claims that the director was given special treatment in jail, including multiple phone calls to his lawyers and his wife and access to the guards at all times via a special call button. [DailyExpress]
• Jennifer Lopez's ex-husband, Ojani Noa, plans to release home videos of Lopez sometime next week, despite a $10 million lawsuit filed by Lopez earlier this month. [RadarOnline]
• "I do have a slight disability – I had difficulty trying to express myself properly and music is a release for me. I've grown up a bit, I'm more of a lady. I accept now that my life will never be the same and I don't want it to end. It's OK. It's comfortable on my shoulders right now. I don't feel pressure, I feel a sense of humility."- Susan Boyle [DailyExpress]
• Cobra Starship (or, if you were an early 00s emo kid, Midtown) singer Gabe Saporta had his phone briefly confiscated after he was spotted taking pictures of Lindsay Lohan while she partied. "The security team didn't care that he was the deejay," says a source, "They went up to Gabe, took his camera and erased all of his pictures to make sure there were none of her drinking or looking like she was having too much fun." [PageSix]
• Carrie Fisher admits that it's still a bit weird to hear Paul Simon sing songs about their relationship: "It is kind of trippy 15, 20 years down the line to turn on the radio and hear yourself complained about in song." [DailyExpress]
• OMG, you guys: The Blind Side actually beat New Moon at the box office on Thanksgiving. [EW]
• Despite (or perhaps because of) the controversy surrounding Adam Lambert after his fairly scandalous AMA's performance, Lambert's debut album, For Your Entertainment, is selling quite well. [CNN]
• Zig-a-zag-ouch: Victoria Beckham may undergo bunion-removal surgery after years of wearing super-high heels. "She is suffering from shooting pain from the bunions," says a source, "Normally, she kicks off her shoes in the house, but she has been out so much recently in high heels that she is really feeling it." [NYDN]
• "As a gangsta ass football coach who loved his family and kids and did tha best at everything he did and didn't take shit from no one, ya dig?!"-Snoop Dogg, on how he'd like to be remembered. [Guardian]

• Jon Gosselin's (possibly ex) girlfriend Hailey Glassman says Jon lied when he said he was spending Thanksgiving at his grandma's, and was really snowboarding. [ONTD]

• Tobey Maguire assured his wife Jennifer Meyer she has nothing to worry about when it comes to his love scenes with Natalie Portman in Brothers. It's called "acting." [Page Six]
• Susan Boyle cried after singing on The Today Show, and some upstanding person got it on video. [UPI]
  
• Kathleen Turner and her daughter spent Thanksgiving feeding hungry seniors. [NYDN]
• Rashida Jones refuses to answer questions about her possible relationship with John Mayer. How many people can John Mayer be "possibly dating"? [Page Six]
• Tyler Perry is being sued for stealing song lyrics for a song in Madea Goes to Jail. [NYDN]
• A launch date has been set for the Spice Girls musical nobody asked for.[The Sun]
• Jermaine Jackson claims that the recent suicide of the father of the accuser in Michael Jackson's child molestation case proves that Michael was innocent. Many might say the opposite, since the accuser's father was widely criticized for "selling" his son to Jackson for millions of dollars. [TMZ]
• Tila Tequila will agree not to sue a porn site that she claims shows her stolen sex tape if they pay her $280k. [TMZ]
• MacKenzie Phillips claims she's been "uninvited" to her family's Thanksgiving this year, which would no doubt be extra-awkward. [Access Hollywood]
• Rihanna's former neighbors are arguing because one of them harassed Rihanna while she lived next door. [TMZ]
• Boy George claims to be off drugs for good. [Daily Express]
• Avril Lavigne was spotted making out with a "dead ringer" for her ex-husband Deryck Whibley the other night. [Page Six]
• Pete Doherty could face a murder probe in the death of a man who fell or was pushed off a balcony after an argument with Doherty and others. [The Sun]
• Gwyneth Paltrow has dedicated the latest edition of her Goop newsletter to the memory of her father, Bruce. [The Mirror]
• Eminem says he should be a judge on the British talent show The X Factor. [The Sun]
• Leonardo DiCaprio was spotted in the Bahamas with his ex, supermodel Bar Rafaeli. Those two just can't stay away from each other. [Daily Express]
• With Dubai in financial trouble, Brad Pitt might have to scuttle plans to build a hotel there. Aww. [Guardian]
• I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here's Jordan begs Peter Andre for a reunion. [The Sun]
• Zac Efron says Guardian interview went "to a weird place." [Guardian]
• Posh Spice learned her lesson and left a good tip at Medieval Times during her most recent outing to the theme restaurant/theater. Question: Why does Posh Spice have to go to Medieval Times? [TMZ}
• In addition to every other reason to hate him lately, Michael Lohan is over $15k behind in child support payments. [TMZ]
• Arnold Schwarzenegger owes nearly $80k in back taxes. But probably not for long. [TMZ]

• Timbaland recorded a song with Chris Brown for his upcoming album, but now he's removed Chris' vocals from the track. Timbaland's manager says it's a "creative decision for both parties," but sources say he's done with the "drama" surrounding Chris.

• Timbaland's manager added, "There's nothing against Chris. We love Chris." Coincidentally, Timbaland's album will be released on December 8, the same day as Chris'. [TMZ]
• In May Chris Brown was sued by a paparazzo who claims he fell down a staircase at an L.A. Fitness after being chased by his bodyguards. Now Chris has filed papers saying he's not responsible for the injuries because LA Fitness didn't keep the paparazzi out.TMZ]
• Someone threw a packaged ham at Paula Deen at a charity event in Atlanta. It smacked her in the face, but she wasn't injured. [TMZ]
• Her rep says she was "startled at first, but quickly regained focus and kept her humor... She's okay now and is icing her face." [Us]
• ABC received about 1,500 complaints about Adam Lambert's performance at the AMAs last night, which included a dancer on a leash, simulated oral sex, and Lambert kissing another man. ABC said that isn't an unusual number of complaints, and the executives probably don't care because it was the highest rated AMAs since 2002. [USA Today]
• Jennifer Lopez joked about tripping at the AMAs, saying, "Did I trip a little bit? I don't even remember... Yeah, I meant to do that. That was part of the choreography." [People]
• Roman Polanski's lawyers are fighting amongst themselves. Last week, his French lawyer said, "he will not accept being extradited to the United States," but his L.A. lawyers just issued a statement saying, "Any statements made in the press to the effect that Mr. Polanski will not accept lawful orders of the courts, including relating to extradition, are not true." [Daily Express]
• In response to Perez Hilton writing: "It's been one year since Asslee pushed Bronx Mowgli through her vayjayjay and it's all the family is talking about!" Jessica Simpson Tweeted: "Does perez hilton..whatever his name really is..have no heart at all? Don't ever attack my family again.Sad to know u hate so deeply.Sad 4 U" [Us]
• Jon Gosselin's former lawyer Charles Meyer, who withdrew from his divorce case in September, has filed an emergency petition asking that the $43,000 Jon owes him be taken out of Jon's share of the property distribution before it's handed out to Jon. [TMZ]
• Dr. Conrad Murray returned to work today at his Houston clinic for the first time since Michael Jackson's death. [AP]
• The Texas Medical Board is now conducting their own investigation of Dr. Conrad Murray, which was triggered by the ongoing DEA investigation of the doctor. [TMZ]
• Alexandra Forbes Kerry, Senator John Kerry's daughter, won't be prosecuted for DUI because when she was stopped last week, she was under the legal limit. [TMZ]
• A jury found Barry Carpenter, the Ohio police chief accused of breaking into the home of Sarah Jessica Parker's surrogate, guilty of receiving stolen property, theft in office and tampering with evidence. He was acquitted on charges of burglary and unauthorized used of property or services. He faces up to 10 years in jail. [AP]
• Michael Barrett, the man accused of secretly filming Erin Andrews in hotel rooms, has pled not guilty to one count of interstate stalking. [Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt gave more than $6 million to charity last year, doubling what they gave in 2007. [Showbiz 411]
• Today on her show, Martha Stewart said there are "some comments that are circulating on the Internet regarding me and Rachael Ray" but, "just for the record there are no bad feelings between us nor have there ever been... I truly believe that Rachael has done a terrific job bringing people, many people who would of never of even stepped into the kitchen or made a dish to cook. I applaud Rachel for her enthusiastic approach to cooking." [CNN]
• In a clip from tomorrow's episode of The Hills, Spencer Pratt says he took Heidi Montag to a sushi restaurant "for a little alcohol test" because he thinks she has purposely ditched her birth control pills, and that's the easiest way to tell if your wife's pregnant. [Us]
• Someone at the L.A. Times read and summarized How to be Famous by Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, so you wouldn't have to: [L.A.T.]
• Candy Spelling has settled with the ex-maid who was suing her for overworking her. A Spelling source says the maid didn't get much, but "Maybe in maid money it's a lot." [TMZ]
• When asked about his relationship with Kate Hudson, A-Rod said, "Life is good I'm happy. We're happy, I have lots to be grateful for." [Radar Online]
• Keith Urban says he hopes his daughter Sunday Rose grows up to be a singer. "She's got some pipes," he says. "I think she sounds quite musical. I sit at the piano with her in the morning and we mash the keys together." [Us]
• Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson spent the weekend frolicking in New York. They went to a few bars, were spotted making out, and finished the weekend at Megu last last night. "They were with two friends and looked very cozy," says a source. "Both were having a great time." [People]
• Zac Efron says:"My first audition ever was for this Peter Pan live action show when I was 15 and I'd just done the play Peter Pan so I thought 'who could be better'. I showed up and it was on tape in this tiny room. On stage you speak to the back of the room and you project and Peter Pan is very animated and jumping off things and going crazy so that's what I did in the audition, running around and jumping off my chair, singing the lines. This woman interrupted me and goes 'you've never done this before have you?' and I went 'no' and she went 'okay you can go' and that was the worst audition ever, ever in my life. I kind of wept about that one." People]
• Here's Chippendales dancer Nathan Minor's critique of Levi Johnston's Playgirl photos: "The only problem — his hairy armpits! We take only mostly shaved guys. He should also focus on his diet to help him get a bit harder. He doesn't have to go the fitness-y hard look, but he could tighten up a little bit. His body is a little soft. But he has good hair and a great face. He's definitely Chippendales material. Anytime he wants to do the show, he's more than welcome!" [Us]
• Q: "In light of your song 'Baby By Me,' if you could pick a celebrity to be your 'baby mama,' who would it be? 50 Cent: "That would probably be an easier question for someone who isn't a celebrity. I don't know. Maybe I'd have an interracial relationship with Megan Fox... I'll get me some Jada and walk around like I'm Will (laughs). Maybe, who else? I'm not really excited by celebrity because I'm a celebrity. People who have a little bit more normalcy can't understand exactly what it is, but you get accustomed to it and it becomes less interesting." [AP]

• A source claims that Taylor Lautner has proposed to Taylor Swift. The source was last spotted running down the street screaming, "It's true! Now stay away from Bella! You're ruining everything! Team Edwaarrrrddd!" Not really. But maybe? [ShowbizSpy]

• "It's crazy to me that in my head, that being 32 and dating women is going to get me in trouble. I can't even explain to you how terrible that feels, that I equate dating a woman with punishment, shame, guilt, disappointment, reproach, reprimand, persecution. It's a nightmare."John Mayer [NYTimes]
• Kristen Scott Thomas will also be co-starring in the upcoming Bel Ami, alongside Uma Thurman and Robert Pattinson, as "one of Pattinson's conquests." [DailyExpress]
• Brad Pitt, meanwhile, will be fighting off aliens in the Bermuda Triangle for an upcoming adaptation of the video game Dark Void. [DailyExpress.]
• Heidi Klum hit the runway just five weeks after the birth of her daughter, Lou, for the Victoria's Secret fashion show in New York City. "I embrace that I have more curves right now," she says. [DailyMail]
• Klum also legally changed her name to Heidi Samuel yesterday, taking her husband, Seal's surname. It's not clear yet if she'll go by Heidi Samuel professionally. [People]
• "We are engaged, and Darren and I are completely committed to ‘until death do us part,' although we haven't made it official with the paperwork yet. It's not for any political reason or that we're waiting for this or for that, but maybe one day we will have an official ceremony."-Rachel Weisz on her relationship with Darren Aronofsky. [JustJared]
• Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson snuck out of the official New Moon afterparty in order to spend time at another club with Joan Jett. Pattinson was spotted singing along to Pulp's "Common People," which means I'm obligated to like him now. [USWeekly]
• Amy Winehouse smokes cigarettes after she leaves the gym. [TheSun]
• "I like to wear crazy stuff. I mean, if I'm hanging out at home watching TV… But I like expressing myself, I like stuff that's not typical. I like being different. Being different and being eccentric feels normal to me." -Adam Lambert [JustJared]
• Nicole Richie is back home after spending time in the hospital in order to battle pneumonia. "But don't worry," her boyfriend Joel Madden notes, "all is well and we are home with no problems." [People]
• "Oprah Winfrey is first and foremost one of my dearest friends and obviously the person who taught me everything I know about television. Her show was home for me for five of the most exciting years of my life. The Oprah Winfrey Show is the gold standard and I know that she will succeed at whatever she chooses to do next."-Dr. Phil. [E!]
• 50 Cent says he may settle down someday: "I think it could happen. You know, it has to be at the right time. I mean, you see Em make a decision to go home. He didn't want to wake up one morning and Hailie be grown. You know, your life in general, you gotta make choices at different points." [MTV]
• The famous glove that Michael Jackson wore during his first public performance of the moonwalk is being auctioned off today; pre-auction estimates place the glove's value at $40,000-60,000. [Yahoo]
• Project Runway winner Irena Shabayeva attempts to explain why she had "the bitch edit" on this season's show. [EW]
• Nick Lachey is set to host an a cappella singing contest for NBC. You know what that means! It's time to Do It, Rockapella! [People]
• Kim Kardashian is striking back at Star magazine for insinuating that she's had plastic surgery, writing on her blog: "It's no secret I contour my nose now to make the bump go away! I guess it's a compliment to my makeup artist that he does such a good job contouring my nose that it appears smaller. But hey, Star mag thinks it looks smaller... yay! My dream come true, hahaha! Stories like this are so funny! I love that there's a Dr who I've never even met giving his 'professional' opinion on my face!" [KimKardashian]
• Hugh Hefner says that his favorite book is The Great Gatsby, the love of his life is his current girlfriend, Crystal Harris, and that Robert Downey Jr. is being talked about as a potential Hefner in an upcoming film based on his life. [Guardian]
• James Roppo a senior VP of sales at Island/Def Jam records, was arrested yesterday after a mall event he organized featuring tween sensation Justin Bieber got out of control, with "10,000 screaming fans" showing up to get autographs from the singer. [NYDN]
• "And then there are the paparazzi, who always want you to fail. Last night when I arrived they were all going, ‘Smile, smile'. I was smiling but they were shouting, ‘You're so f***ing boring'. Then one fell into a flower pot. That made me laugh a lot. I hate them. There are actors who want that attention, but I don't care about any of that." -Robert Pattinson [TimesOnline]
• "I've been blessed to be able to be eclectic, and I am thankful for that. As I got older, with my work, I became aware of the responsibility of film, and I feel one of the best ways I can apply myself as an actor is to go beyond movie stardom and celebrity. These movies, these so-called "popcorn movies," or "family movies," actually provide something quite beautiful and something quite necessary — which is a family bonding experience. So God bless the popcorn film. Especially movies where you can take the kids, because I remember looking forward to seeing these movies with my parents, and if I can give that back, I'm going to do it. I don't care if people have criticism for it or not, I think it's a good thing."-Nicolas Cage [Film.com]