Jezebel: Boobs

"Is It Normal For Straight Girls To Only Like Girl-On-Girl Porn?"

Slut Machine — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 16:20:00 EDT

It's time for another installment of Pot Psychology, the "advice column" in which everyone's problems are solved with an "herbal" remedy. (Remember, kids: Don't do drugs!) In this episode, Rich and I got help from our pal Sasha Frere-Jones again, to tackle problems like leaky vaginas, syphilis, and boyfriends who drool during oral sex. Got a burning question? Send it to potpsych@jezebel.com. (Please keep them short; they're verrrry hard to read when stoned.)

The Ladies Of The View Hate Their Own Boobs

Slut Machine — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 19:00:00 EDT

The ladies of The View have been doing the show live from Vegas all week (and even though it's Wednesday, they still haven't ironed out the kinks in the audio situation). Anyway, they've been marveling all week about the women who've been sunbathing topless at their hotel, so Sherri decided to try it for herself. This led to a self-deprecating discussion of everyone on the panel's breasts. Elisabeth says she has to fold hers like origami in order to put them in her bra, while Joy and Whoopi say they have to throw 'em over their shoulder (like a continental soldier) or else they'll trip on them. Clip above.

Earlier: For Some Women, Big Boobs Are A Pain In The Butt (And Back And Neck)

Octocock V. Boobiverse: Screw Faceless People But Wrap It Up

Megan Carpentier — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 18:20:00 EDT

This is one of two French AIDS-prevention advertisements to win a Bronze medal at the Cannes International Advertising Festival (click the picture to see this and the one with a dude writ, um, large). The tag line: "Explore. Just protect yourself." Although the tongues in the female version are non-gender specific, the advertisement for a man contains a female face that looks like a blow-up doll, several obviously feminine mouths and genitalia that looks way more like a pocket pussy than a woman being as it lacks legs (or hair) for context, but no obvious visual references to anal sex (or non-gendered assholes). I guess a man's exploring is supposed to be limited to women, but since all women are supposedly a little bi and it's less "gross," the tongues don't have to obviously be dudes'. Anyway, we're mostly trying to figure if the pictures are erotic or weird, or both. Vive la France! [Salon]

Related: Full size female advertisement [Coloribus]
Full size male advertisement [Coloribus]

I Must, I Must Enhance My Bust!

Maria — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 12:45:00 EDT

The Telegraph reports that women are lining up for a new breast-enhancing cream, Rodial's Boob Job, that promises to increase cup size and firmness in less than two months. Sure, we've all seen these types of "miracle" boob creams in the trashy back-pages of Cosmo and Seventeen but usually they don't come with this price tag: More than $250 for a single jar. That's a lot of money, especially when you can, as the writer notes, achieve similar results by blasting your breasts with cold water and doing exercise. Yet! There's a waiting list for this stuff. Think it's worth it? [Telegraph]

Risque Teen Photos Reach Larger Audience • Maxi Mounds' Breast Augmentation Now Illegal

Maria — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 17:30:00 EDT

Teens' embarrassing risque photos no longer local, short-lived lapses in judgment thanks to quick pace and widespread popularity of the internet. • Turkish Constitutional Court is expected to deliver a ruling on Islamic head scarves in Turkish schools on Thursday. • Boob surgery that gave porn actress Maxi Mounds her record-breaking breasts has been banned in the UK. • Grandma's favorite publication, Reader's Digest, says "sexist cliches" are biological! • The NY Times' Barry Gewen tries to prove that a poorly-written, humorless book (his words) on gender equality in sports isn't so ridiculous after all. • German music festival highlights 18th-century female composers and classical musicians whose work has probably never been performed before. • Native American women in the Pacific Northwest go on annual root-digging mission that has both spiritual and edible purposes. • The Cinderella Ball, a prom for disabled students in the Washington D.C. area, brings teens and families together for a night of glam and glitz (and a performance from American Idol winner, Ruben!). • The Swedish Tax Board tells couple that "Elvis" is not an appropriate name for a girl. •

For Some Women, Big Boobs Are A Pain In The Butt (And Back And Neck)

Slut Machine — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 19:00:00 EDT

We often hear about women who are unhappy with their breast size, but it's usually those with smaller breasts who wish they were bigger. The BBC documentary My Big Breasts and Me explores the flip side of the coin: Women with very large, natural breasts who suffer both physical and psychological repercussions from such their "heavy" burdens. One of the women featured is 23-year-old Jodi, who is 5'1 with a bra size of 28K. She says it's difficult to find a bra that fits her well, and studying to be a musician, she also says that her breasts get in the way when she plays piano. Her back hurts often, and she said that it's nearly impossible to run. For 19-year-old Maddy, who wears a size F, the problem is more about fashion. She finds that her breasts limit her wardrobe options (I feel her on that one; so sick of sack dresses), and she feels the need to wear large blousy tops that hide her boobs, and make her look less like "a porn star." Clip above.

Cleavage At Work: Yay Or Nay?

Dodai — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:30:00 EDT

Can we talk about cleavage? Specifically in a work-related context? A piece by Christina Brinkley in today's Wall Street Journal has a quote from Gail Graham, executive vice president of marketing for Fidelity Investments, who recounts how respected co-worker showed up at a business dinner in a "practically" backless dress that showed cleavage. Male colleagues were talking about it days later. Graham states: "It became the story about her. You want the story to be about you and your accomplishments. There's no greater crime [for a businesswoman] than to show cleavage." Surely Angela Merkel would disagree! But seriously: Is it possible to maintain an air of professionalism and earn respect at work when your boobs are on display?

As a chick with a big rack I'm divided (heh) on this issue. On one hand, fuck a mothertrucker who can't concentrate and look you in the eye just because you're wearing a scoopneck shirt. Any modern woman knows that getting dressed for work is hard enough. Guys have interchangeable suits and ties; we have skirts, cardigans, blouses, shirts, tanks, camis, trousers, pantsuts, skirt suits and dress suits. And if your chest is large, finding a jacket or button down shirt that will contain the twins without pulling or buckling is pretty damn tough. So the more scooped out and open a garment is in the bosom area, the better. My old job was pretty casual and I'd rock some cleavage now and then. My attitude was "If I'm comfortable, then I'm getting work done, and that's all that matters." Just because my cups runneth over doesn't mean I have to cover 'em up like a nun. Also, I can't just put them away in a drawer and pull them out on Friday night. It doesn't work that way.

That said, I'm not a lawyer or an international bond trader. Salma Hayek might be able to wear low-cut stuff every day of the week, but, as Jonathan Fitzgarrald, director of marketing for a Los Angeles law firm tells the Journal, "If my attorney bills out at $1,000 an hour, I want them to look like a lawyer, not a celebrity." Because, yeah, on the other hand: Cleavage can look downright trashy. Sometimes it looks sloppy, like you're in need of some support, like your clothes are ill-fitting. And also, it reminds one of, oh, I dunno, Loni Anderson, Pam Anderson, Chrissie from Three's Company and other women not known for their smarts. Maybe the patriarchy did this to me. Maybe if bond traders, scientists, lawyers and doctors wore low-cut tops then cleavage would seem like no big deal. Maybe if Americans didn't only think of boobs as sexual objects but as just a regular part of a woman's anatomy actually intended for feeding infants, then cleavage would seem like no big deal. The truth is, I don't even really like cleavage all that much. As some comedienne once said, I don't need my bra to lift and separate; I need it to divide and conquer.

Risky Business: Décolletage At A Work Dinner [Wall Street Journal]

Earlier: New Bra Makes Women "Flawless" By Erasing Their Nipples
"Contour" Bras: Holding Us Up, Or Holding Us Back?
With Great Breast Size Comes Great Responsibility
German Titocracy
Do Bouncy Breasts Make Women Skip Workouts?

Easy Curves: The Long, Hard Object Made For Bouncing Breasts

Slut Machine — Tue, 06 May 2008 14:20:00 EDT

Easy Curves is a phallic piece of plastic that is supposed to make breasts higher, larger, firmer, and "more centered" (???), and is being advertised pretty regularly on TV. (Seriously, I could not get through a Top Model marathon this weekend without seeing boob commercials every few minutes.) Easy Curves is sorta like a cross between a night stick and the Thigh Master and, as you'll see in the commercial above, it makes breasts dance from side to side for a "natural look." (Despite the fact that most of the chicks in the ad are pumped full of silicone.) For just $9.99 you get the boob stick, "an exclusive guide to a sexy bustline," 10 secrets to looking your best, and essential "boost" vitamins for women. As one woman in the commercial says, "There's no greater feeling than to be able to get into a bathing suit and feel good walking down the beach." Clearly this woman does not own a good vibrator.

Heidi Klum Loves A Struggling Underclass In Uniform!

Jennifer — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 11:30:00 EDT

"I go to the same Starbucks every day in Beverly Hills and they're like, 'Can you please tell them that we want to have new outfits?'...I sit in American Airlines, same thing. I get it all the time. Those chains or big companies, they always come to me." Imagine: the entire American service industry remade in the image of Heidi Klum! [Sassybella]
Every time we read an interview with Kate Bosworth, she talks about high school and sort of ups the ante in terms of the profound alienation she supposedly felt there. Here's the latest installment. [Vogue UK]
"Four kids later, I'm a 32D, but my entire life I was told I was a 34B." And there you have things we never wanted to know about model-cum-Interview fashion director Stephanie Seymour. [Chic Report]

Best protest sign outside of the new John Varvatos store in the old CBGB's space: "$1,600 used jackets destroy communities." [Does someone still care about CBGB closing, is that the issue here? Because guess what, guys, there's a global food crisis on and Al Qaeda is bombing countries you've never heard of, stagflation is upon us and we're in danger of electing a president who doesn't know the difference between Sunni and Shiite, so get over it, thanks. -Moe] [Fashion Week Daily]
Fun contest! Giorgio Armani is sponsoring a contest where the little people can pitch him concepts for the new ad campaign for his latest fragrance. Ten finalists get to meet Mr. Armani, though only one will have their ideas usurped for the perpetuation of Mr. Armani's own wealth. [Vogue UK]
Why isn't one of the options for this "Do You Wear Religious Symbols" poll "Only as tattoos"?! [FabSugar]
"Wow! It just seems like the next step to our larger goal. Every time we conceive a collection, we try to think of all the elements that would go along with our designs. And bags are next! We want to conquer that next year," says Proenza Schouler's Lazaro Hernandez. Oh really, bags! What a novel idea. [Fashion Week Daily]
Says Duckie Brown co-designer Steven Cox, "I've always had this fantasy of making a dress out of bricks." Aren't you just ill that Duckie Brown only does menswear? [Washington Post]
Apparently there is no "right" hemline this season, but if there were, it would involve pairing a long skirt with a long sweater. We don't make the news, we just report on it! [Guardian]
The color blue: It's important. [Washington Post]
Showing off your baby bump is so totally out of fashion. Duh. [IHT]
Crocs is shutting down its factory in Quebec City, meaning 669 people now are out of work. Which also means there is a whole new demographic of people who really hate Crocs! [NYT]
I actually don't believe anything I read about ELLE's fledgling reality show (which may or may not be titled Fashionista) anymore, but some say that editors at the mag are calling in sick to avoid having to work on it. [Jossip]

Oprah Makes Oz A Star; Girl Gangs In Central America; Why Men Are Idiots

maria — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 16:40:00 EDT

Ed Note: We hear about and see so many stories that we can't find the time to comment on that we're gonna try something new: "Leftovers", a daily "accounting" of the stuff we had to leave behind. Let us know if you like it, and, obviously, feel free to click through on the stories and flesh them out for everybody.

• Oprah sells her old designer clothes to crazy fans. • Oprah to create a "Dr. Oz" TV show. • Central American girls flee abusive homes to join machista street gangs. • Cat poop coffee goes for £50 a cup at Sloane Square, London. • British man can't gain weight, hopes to "cure obesity." • Delude yourself into losing weight! • Miss World contestants have to prove that they actually care about helping people. • Woman photographs endearingly eccentric prostitutes in Las Vegas. • New book claims biological reasons for women becoming flustered and men being idiots. • A 42-year-old woman claims to having been forced to have sex with teens by her lover. • Baby Couture, a new magazine, shills for Prada Kids and makes a play-on-words with "flip-flops." • A man in Louisiana was denied a request to wear a short skirt in public. • Large-breasted gals told ill-fitting bras may be the root of their back pain.

Ad Libs

Dodai — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 13:20:00 EDT

Can breasts make dudes recycle? That's what the people at EkoKom, A Czech organization, think. Their commercial features a guy who takes his recycling out at just the right time — when he can be sure to run into his busty neighbor. Cue the close up on her cleavage as he slides his bottle into a receptacle. The tagline? "Any reason is a good reason to recycle." Hmm. (Click the picture to view the commercial.) [AdGabber]

Find more videos like this on AdGabber

South Park Takes A Trip To Heavy Metal

Slut Machine — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 19:00:00 EDT

Last night's episode of South Park was a take on Salvia, that legal drug that kids can take that make them freak out and fall over, only to wake up and find that their friends had immortalized their trip on YouTube. In the episode, the kids learn they can get high from inhaling cat urine, so Kenny tries it out. He quickly becomes addicted when he discovers that tripping on cat urine brings him into the universe of the 1981 movie Heavy Metal, where everything is pretty much boobs. The song from the movie, "Heavy Metal (Takin' a Ride)" might be our favorite new track. Clip above.

Breast Intentions

Jennifer — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 14:45:00 EDT

More not-surprising news from the fashion overlords: Boobs are "out" this season. Which is fine and dandy if you're a gay man who dresses (and hates) women but, uh, good luck successfully shilling that message to the ladies! [Telegraph]

Virginia Is For Covers

Dodai — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 09:45:00 EDT

Horrors! We are living in a country where adults going to strip bars might actually see nipples. That's why Delegate John A. Cosgrove has sponsored a bill in Virginia to get pasties on topless dancers. The legislation, which goes into effect in July, says a business can have its mixed-beverage license suspended or revoked if there is "entertainment commonly called stripteasing, topless entertaining, or entertainment that has employees who are not clad both above and below the waist." Actually, the law already exists and has been around for a while, but authorities did not enforce it and club owners knew they could get away with having totally topless dancers. But thanks to Mr. Cosgrove — and tax dollars — we'll never have to worry about bare areolas in Virgina again. [Reason.com]

Breast Intentions

Dodai — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:20:00 EST

As previously seen and reported, Kelly Rowland has implants now. In the new issue of People, Rowland claims, "I simply went from an A-cup to a B-cup. I didn't want double Ds and be a little bitty size 2. That would look nuts." She explains why she upgraded: She really wanted to wear "this one really hot House of Dereon top — I just wanted to fill that out!" The article later alludes back to that hot top, ending triumphantly: "And that House of Dereon top? "I put it on and I looked SO good!" she says with a laugh. "I'm so happy. I feel complete." [Much Music, Dark Hat]

"I am flying home to see my kid. I cannot ...

Slut Machine — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 14:30:00 EST

"I am flying home to see my kid. I cannot wait to take my clothes off. I always walk around naked in front of my son. Last time you asked me when I'd stop taking a bath with him. I'm not sure when you're supposed to stop. Right now he just goes, 'Mommy! Boobies! Ahhhhhhhh!!' My breasts do not traumatize my kid." —Sherri Shepherd, discussing her relationship with her two-year-old son, this morning on The View.

What The Ladies Are Talking About: Abortions, Boobs, And Eating Squirrel Meat

Slut Machine — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 16:00:00 EST

The past week of lady talk shows was pretty grim, and not the wacky romp of group vagina smiles or porn convos that we've grown used to. (For example Oprah had an episode all about a woman whose husband offed himself and left her a million dollars in debt on purpose, just to be a jerk.) Tyra had an episode dedicated to teen pregnancy, but she took the Juno route, where abortion was mentioned, but not at all explored. In the clip above, watch as a group of teen girls discuss pregnancy without actually discussing sex or exploring its other consequences. But at least we can always count on Barbara Walters and the girls at The View to bail us out of infuriating conversations with the best sound bites!

Lindsay Lohan: Real Or Manmade?

Jessica — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 16:00:00 EST

Here at Jezebel Virtual HQ, we like to debate the real issues affecting women today. This morning, after perusing Lilo's topless photoshoot, we began discussing a very important topic: are Lindsay's considerable assets her own, or surgically-enhanced? I think real! From the side, they look like real breasts — you know, not like helium-inflated balloons strapped to her ribs. Tracie argues that if they are old implants, they can appear more natural, because they've had "4 years to settle". Then there's this denial from Lindsay, circa 2004. She says of the boob job rumors, "It's so retarded...I'm 17 years old. My mother would never let me. I'd be deathly afraid, and it's unnecessary... but I'm glad people think I have a nice chest." So what is it, bitches? Real or Fake? The one thing I think we can all agree on is that they are awesome. Voting is after the jump.

Lindsay As Marilyn [New York Magazine]

Earlier: Nipple Alert!

A PSA print campaign has been launched by ...

Slut Machine — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 10:45:00 EST

A PSA print campaign has been launched by the Family Violence Partnership in Milwaukee to combat statutory rape. The ads — featuring pre-pubescent girls with giant breasts — might be creepier than the actual crimes they try to confront, as they could easily be used as beat-off material for pervs. Also, the copy on one ad leaves a lot to be desired, reading "Just because she has the body, doesn't mean she has the brain." (Click on image to view larger size.) [Copyranter]

Lady Lumps

Slut Machine — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 18:20:00 EST

A Canadian man took the whole body modification thing to the next level when he had silicone "breast" implants placed beneath his leg tattoo of a sexy, big-titted woman, in order to make it appear three dimensional. This wasn't done by a surgeon in an operating room, but by some dude with plugs and sleeves in a tattoo and piercing shop. (Click tag to see full-size image.) [Body Two]

"Contour" Bras: Holding Us Up, Or Holding Us Back?

Slut Machine — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 13:00:00 EST

Do you find it torturous to go bra shopping because 95% of what's available falls into the "contoured" bra category? As in: the bras that are supposed to be "lined" when really, they're just padded, unyielding cups? For some of us with larger breasts, it is torturous, because contour bras can make it even more difficult to button our shirts. But more importantly, these bras make it impossible for those of us who wish to use our nipples to our advantage, since the cups are designed to hide them. A story on the New York Observer's website today reports on the troubling trend that makes finding a sexy bra such a chore.

'I always try and push them, because it gives a better lift and you don't see the nipples peeking through,' said Heather, a young lingerie saleswomen in mod makeup, a black mini-dress and furry boots who was working at Saks Fifth Avenue's lingerie department the other day, holding a hanger with two silky but sturdy cups dangling from straps.

Her colleague, Carolina, concurred: 'A lot of women have problems with their'—and here her voice dropped to a whisper—'nipples showing.'

Good god, are we always gonna have to hide our femininity in order to be taken seriously?

Not that I would know what that's like: I work at this job all day in a muumuu and no bra, and my previous job was in an all-female environment. So I guess I've been afforded the luxury of actually liking my nipples, or at least, not feeling the need to hid them.

Recently, I bought one of those "T-shirt" bras from The Gap for an event I had to go to. It was my only option, since it was all they had (and since I've completely given up on Victoria's Secret). Problem was, my tits kept falling out of it. And it's not like I bought the wrong size. My boobs just do not want to conform to that cup shape, and they particularly are adverse to being pushed together, as they seem to be sticking to this whole divide-and-conquer theme.

A bra I bought at Agent Provocateur however, was not only cute, it was devoid of annoying padding, with a layer of thin, comfortable fabric that actually let my nipples be, you know, nipples. But that shit cost me like a bajillion dollars. (Real price: $160). I guess what it comes down to is that nowadays, you have to pay an obscene amount of money to look "obscene."

Pad Girls! Attack of the 21st-Century Falsies [NY Observer]

Breast Intentions

Slut Machine — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 09:45:00 EST

American Apparel ads in France don't beat around the bush — or in this case, the camel toe. They actually show you full-on tits! (Click picture for full-size image. NSFW, natch.) [Copyranter]

There's a new strapless bra called Faveo ...

Slut Machine — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 18:45:00 EDT

There's a new strapless bra called Faveo Freedom and it's probably the most retarded undergarment we've ever seen in our entire lives. The fucked up thing about it is that it was actually invented by a woman looking for an alternative to a typical bra. Honestly, we don't even know how this helps with support at all. We imagine it would cut off circulation, thus giving new meaning to "purple nurple." (Click on tag for larger image.) [Faveo Freedom via Dlisted]

Frustrated because you have small breasts ...

Jennifer — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 09:45:00 EDT

Frustrated because you have small breasts and no money with which to augment them? Join the Australian Navy! Apparently, women with small breasts in the Aussie Navy say that their lack of a big rack is impairing their self-confidence so the Navy, concerned with the psychological well-being of its members, is giving the ladies bigger breasts. Is this what they mean by making the military a safer place for women? [Telegraph]

Why French 'Vogue' Is Better Than American Vogue, Part I: Boobies

Jennifer — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 15:40:38 EDT

What is it that European magazines have that American magazines don't? It's something much, much more tangible than just a little je ne sais quoi: They have tits. Naked tits. On full display. After all, what compliments Chanel black leather over-the-knee boots better than boobs? This month in French Vogue not one, not two, but ten sets of bare breasts can be found. (Ten nipple shots — twelve sets of bare jugs, if you count cover girl Claudia Schiffer, who covers her rack with her palms.)

So here we make an open plea to Anna Wintour, editrix of American Vogue and clearly the best frenemy that Carine Roitfeld (her French counterpart) has ever had — or so we deduce from the fashion editorial spread inspired by Nuclear Wintour herself in the version francaise) — take a page for the livre du Carine: Naked. More naked, please. If there were more naked, well then, Anna, wouldn't the world be a better place? We think it would. There's something so lovely and freeing about seeing all these girls without a care in the world, wearing all sorts of expensive shit — and their birthday suits! It gives the whole magazine a very sophisticated/smutty feel. Because nothing spells taste like choosing to show a little nipple. Not to mention that these are the kind of pin-ups we can get behind. As a card-carrying member of the Girls Who Like Boys club, I sorta want chanteuse/former Mick Jagger flame Carla Bruni taped to my wall. And I refuse to believe that I'm the only one who feels this way.

So, Anna, seriously: Want us to stop hating on Vogue? Then three words for you: Naked. Girls. Posing.

Vogue Paris

Memo To 'Age Of Love''s Mark Philippoussis: Can You At Least Pretend That You Care About Something (Anything?!) Other Than Breasts?

Jennifer — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 17:05:53 EDT

Dear Mark, We're going to put it out there: We think you're real cute. You've got that tall, dark and handsome thing going on, plus the Australian accent, plus the cutest puppy we've ever seen. So we thought that even though Age of Love is already easily the worst of the worst of the reality dating shows ever (Pitting 20-somethings vs 40-somethings? How low can you go?), you'd do alright. Sure, we were disappointed by how weirded out you were when you learned that some of the women on the show were 10+ years older than you. And we were even more disappointed when your face lit up after being introduced to the other pool of ladies, the 20-somethings, and couldn't keep your eyes off their breasts. Now, the blame shouldn't rest solely on your shoulders: Obviously the 40-somethings are disturbingly desperate and more inappropriately-sexualized than JonBenet Ramsey, and yes, the 20-somethings seem a little too okay with the fact that the only thing they're bringing to the table are their cup sizes and tight asses. But still, we harbored hope. You have that cute puppy! Then this week's episode came along and you, well, you struck out.

Strike 1 came when you picked Kelli from the group of 40-somethings for a one-on-one date. Because, you said, "Kelli seems more sexual than some of the other women... and so I'd like to get to know her more." If by "sexual" you mean "skanky," well than yes. But if by "sexual" you mean that the sight of the garish blonde hair and scary teeth and proclivity for wearing things that barely cover her ass makes you want to rip all your clothes off and nail her old ass in a limo. Well, then, we're scared. And also, can you at least pretend to not be picking women based on fuckability? Please?

Strike 2. You picked Amanda from the 20-somethings for your one-on-one. Amanda is a dancer for a hockey team. You have admired her "smile" (and by "smile" we mean rack) for three weeks now. We have never heard you actually have a conversation with her. And yet you keep talking about this "deep connection" you feel with her. And if by "deep connection" you mean you would like to rip all of your clothes of and nail her young ass in a limo, well, just don't tell us you're making love, okay?

Strike 3. You eliminated Adelaide, the only woman with half a brain on the show! Adelaide, who seems to be the only one with an actual career, who rose from modest means (the girl was born in a banana shack for Chrissakes!) and is the only girl who doesn't seem to be thinking of new ways to shove her chest in your face. Yes, Mark, now we get it: You don't care about anything of substance. You do not want a "smart" and "challenging" partner and all that other bullshit you've fed us over the past month. You want good 'ol T&A. (Old, young — you don't care!) But that, like, doesn't mean we still won't be tuning in week after week! Yes, Mark, we want to watch you make your own bed (literally) and settle between the sheets with your perfect mate: That special girl whom you picked because... her breasts were the biggest. Happy dating, buddy!

Chanel's Karl Lagerfeld Is Not At All Pompous

Jennifer — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 10:21:30 EDT

Karl Lagerfeld has commissioned 15 contemporary artists to create works inspired by his iconic quilted Chanel bag for a two-year touring exhibit. Kind of interesting how iconic handbags are like the Virgin Mary of now. Maybe in twenty years people will be seeing Hermes Birkin bags in their grilled cheese sandwiches and selling them on eBay. [WWD, sub req'd]
The dress will remain the dominant fashion trend through Spring 2008, according to the owner of luxury retailer Louis Boston, who makes some weird reference to American global hegemony. [WWD, sub req'd]
Dooney & Bourke releases a line of bags named for Emma Roberts (Julia's niece and current star of "Nancy Drew"), with prices ranging from $210 to $235. Remember how when you were reading Nancy Drew, you thought $215 was like, enough to buy a house? Ah, kids today! [WWD, 1st item]
It's a boy for supermodel Eva Herzigova and her Italian businessman common law husband. Remember how she did all those Wonderbra ads, haha? Lactation jokes never get old! [Vogue UK]
Fashion muse Isabella Blow's widower Detmar hopes to create a museum to house his late wife's extensive clothing collection, is "hoping all the people she helped in her life will cough up some money to get this up and running." Ooh, subtle! [Vogue UK]
Why should European luxury brands expand in China and India when there are still soooo many [brace yourselves! Fave word alert!] aspirational middle Americans stuck with Coach? [Fashion Inc.]