Topless sunbathing has served as a contrast to American prudery since the early 70s, when a swingin' new post-'68 France refused to ban topless sun babies from its beaches. But while the stereotype of nubile and unselfconscious bathers insouciantly breast-saluting the sun persists, statistics say it's really just the same women - now over 60 - who fought for the right initially who embrace the practice today.

According to a piece in today's Guardian, younger women are, increasingly, finding topless bathing problematic. Those aged 18-30 are springing for one-piece swimsuits in far higher numbers, with 24% of French women polled saying that the practice of topless bathing actually "disturbed" them. Some are concerned about skin cancer. And rather than a feminist expression of values, many feel it plays into a culture that objectifies the female body. Writes one author quoted in the piece,

[W]hat has been projected onto it today are different values, identified, not with equality but desire, sexualisation of the body, voluptuousness and the body perfect. It's less about women feeling at ease and free. It has been linked to the harsh cult of the body beautiful, where no imperfection is tolerated."

The government has followed suit, imposing fines for topless sunbathing in some public places and throwing wraps over those protesters who want the right to forgo their top. For, indeed, other feminists take the opposite tack: a group calling themselves Les Tumultueuses have made several topless raids on public pools under the banner"My body, if I want, when I want" , objecting to the fact that under new regulations it's only women whose bodies are deemed unseemly.

There's also a political element: Right-winger LePen has used the example of topless sunbathing as a fundamental French right that could be compromised should sinister Muslim immigrants be allowed their druthers. But while this is a major leap, maybe it's an inevitable one in French consciousness. Certainly, it's hard not to think of the nation's injunctions against the hijab in public schools. Obviously, France has no qualms about imposing its own conceptions of morality on its people's dress, and "freedoms" are open to official interpretation. Some critics of topless sunbathing worry that it will lead to full nudity - a 'where will it stop?' argument. One could ask the same thing of these clothing dictates: women must show their heads but can't show their breasts. It's a country of freedoms - until it's not. Of course, there's a measure of arbitrariness to any nation's dictates on these matters. But given the sanctimony with which the state has touted its secular commitment to women's issues, it's interesting to see them doing it again - but this time covering up. And rather than declaring what's best for all women, it generally seems wise to let them choose; at the end, isn't empowerment the best means of avoiding objectification?

France Mourns The Death Of Topless Sunbathing [Guardian]

Although it sounds sort of obvious - who wouldn't be depressed upon figuring out that she can no longer move her eyebrows? - lead researcher Dr Judith Grub believes that her study on Botox reveals a deeper link between freedom of facial motion and negative feelings. In the study, 30 people were shown a series of disturbing and gruesome images. Some of the participants were asked to keep a blank face while examining the photos, while others were allowed to express their natural reactions. Results showed that subjects who were unable to show their emotions perceived the world as a worse place, and held onto their negative feelings for longer. Grub said: "Suppressing negative emotions is something we do every day to be polite. However, my research shows that paralysing muscles that help you to express emotion leads to internalising these feelings."

Unsurprisingly, Botox doctors dispute Grub's findings. "Botox shouldn't paralyse the face and you should still be able to make facial expressions," said Dr. Patrick Bowler.

But maybe cosmetic treatment experts like Bowler should worry. Another kind of depression has lead to a significant decrease in the number of cosmetic procedures performed in 2008. The Times of London reports that the decline in procedures in the last few months of 2008 was so steep that it could force 15% of surgeons in Britain to close shop. Dr Hamish Laing explains: "There has been a significant drop across the country because cosmetic surgery is a lifestyle choice. When times are hard, people considering cosmetic surgery may decide to put it off." This fact, coupled with the rising cost of insurance premiums, has made it increasingly difficult for doctors to stay in business.

And it looks like the same thing is happening on this side of the pond. According to a report released by the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, almost every procedure is down 10-12%, and total procedures are down 12.3%. Botox is still the most popular nonsurgical treatment for both men and women, but boob jobs have replaced liposuction as the most popular surgical procedure. The Aesthetic Society president, Alan Gold, attributs this change to "changes in fashion, i.e. décolletage baring styles." I'm not sure when décolletage baring tops were out of style with the boob job set, but this explanation makes just about as much sense as the recession justification.

Botox Injections Could Make People Depressed, Study Suggests [Telegraph]
Liposuction No Longer The Most Popular Surgical Procedure According to New Statistics [The American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery]
Cosmetic Surgeons Suffer As The Vain Learn To Live With Imperfection In Straitened Times [Times]
Report: Laser skin resurfacing is recession-proof [Cosmetic MD Nation]

Related: When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get Implants

Us
"Inside Her Family Tragedy." Honestly? Too sad to read about J. Hud's awful triple murders. Also, the latest news is that kid had his hand hacked off. What else was inside? Dancing With The Stars' Maksim Chmerkovskiy was quoted saying that his costars Lacey Schwimmer and Cheryl Burke needed to do something about their weight, but now he says that his words were taken out of context: "I want them to know that I wasn't calling them heavy, because they aren't." Lastly: Michael Kors and Nina Garcia are only going to be in five or six episode of the new season of Project Runway. Celebrities will fill in the rest of the time. Plus! Mood fabrics has an L.A. branch, but it was too far from the filming site, so producers "simply placed a Mood sign on a different storefront." WTF?
Grade: F (razor blade-filled apple)

Life & Style
"Carrie Calls Jessica Fat." Intern Margaret says, "It's not that there wasn't stuff in this magazine, it's just that the stuff in there made me want to vomit." Here's the deal: A "friend" of Carrie Underwood's said that Carrie has been sniping about Jessica Simpson's body. Carrie thinks Jess is attractive but wouldn't want to be "so buxom and top heavy." A "pal" of Jessica's says her current stylists don't know how to dress someone with big boobs. Jessica says: "I dress for men and myself. If I'm dressing for men, then I know it's good for myself." Um. Okay. Then the story spins off into a four-page battle of "skinny vs. curvy" — side by side pictures of women, sometimes battling themselves. The magazine talks to men — Zac Efron, Penn Badgley, Christian Siriano! — and asks them which they prefer. One guy actually says, "A hybrid of skinny and curvy would be the ultimate." It's such a mindfuck (Fig. 1, 2). Travis Barker had dinner with his daughter; he's out and about a little bit. There's a six page "exclusive" with Larry Birkhead called "Saying Goodbye To Anna Nicole." It involves staged pictures of Larry and baby Dannielynn packing up all the pink stuff in the house. They're moving because there's no backyard. Lastly, in a new section called "Dr. Rey's Casebook," Dr. Robert Rey from Dr. 90210 "weighs in on which A-list assets deserve top billing, and which ones could use a little work." He says Heather Graham needs a boob lift and Cameron Diaz would look better with Lindsay Lohan's chest.
Grade: D- (tooth brush)

In Touch
"Jen Looks Pregnant." Apparently it is cover-worthy news that some people think that Jennifer Aniston's tummy looks enlarged and she's been hiding it (Fig. 3). The magazine notes that "all of her friends have kids." Also, if it's John Mayer's baby, "it would explain why they are back together." Moving on: Reese is finally ready to marry Jake Gyllenhaal. A "pal" says she is "not a very spontaneous person" and the wedding will happen "in 2009." Very specific! There are two pages called "Why Won't Tom & Katie Put A Coat On Suri?" (Fig. 4). George Clooney is back with ex-gf Krista Allen because she is "independent" and "not clingy." A-Rod sent Madonna a 22-karat gold bracelet with a single charm that reads "bashert," which reads "meant to be" in Yiddish. They're planning to spend Thanksgiving together. Angelina went to Afghanistan on October 21 to visit refugees left homeless by the fighting against the Taliban as part of her work as a UN Goodwill Ambassador. She cried. Lastly, everyone in Hollywood is wearing the Black Halo Jackie O. dress (Fig. 5).
Grade: D (marshmallow "circus" peanuts)

OK!
"Wedding & New Baby In Weeks!" So, if Brad and Angie get hitched, it wouldn't be a "big, white affair" says a "family friend." It will be "very elegant, though" with "vows they write themselves." And it will either happen at the French chateau or in New Orleans. Expect no more than 25 guests: Jonny Lee Miller, Brad's mom and dad, James Haven. The same friend says, "To Brad and Angie, marriage is a piece of paper." Moving on: The story titled "Jen & Gerard's SEXY DATE" informs us that Ms. Aniston and Gerard Butler are in talks to star in a comedy together. Fourteen-year-old Mark Indelicato, who plays Justin on Ugly Betty, is gonna be Hannah Montana for Halloween. "I'm going to get a Hannah Montana T-shirt, the wig and the guitar that sings," he says. "It's going to be awesome." Oh, Tyra was a bully! "In elementary school, I was a mean girl," she says. "I would kick girls out of our group and make them go play with the non-popular kids. I was pretty bad." Nick Cannon was DJing a party in New York, and ten minutes into Nick's set, Mariah snuck out to talk to Donatella Versace. "She clearly wasn't into Nick's music at all," a source says. Page 59 asserts that Tina Fey's 3-year-old daughter Alice wears a $1300 Judith Ripka pearl necklace. Tina, say it ain't so! Or maybe it was a gift???
Grade: D+ (stale candy corn)

Star
"Angie's Humiliating Betrayal!" Brad Pitt has been flirting with his Inglourious Basterds costar, Diane Kruger. They were in Troy together, but she was married back then! Angelina is scared that Brad is gonna do to her what he did to Jen. Plus, Brad went on an Oktoberfest bender with Quentin Tarantino, which Quentin called their "whores and beer" night. There's no confirmation that whores were in attendance, btw. Brad came home super late and he and Angie got into a "screaming match." She told him she'd leave if he started up with Diane. Moving on: Blind item! "Which reality starlet had a blonde moment and forgot to turn off her mic in the bathroom? No, the crew couldn't hear her flush, but they could hear her do a few lines of coke." Funny headline: "Parents To Miley: Don't End Up Like Jamie Lynn!" Another great headline: "Twin Peaks: Mary-Kate & Ashley Battle Over Matching Boob Jobs." Ashley Olsen wants to get implants, so she asked MK to get them at the same time, so it wouldn't be as obvious that she got work done. A source says: "That way they could say they both matured and are filling out naturally." They are 22. MK was horrified and said no way. They've already had nose jobs, btw (Fig. 6). Katie Holmes has a crush on her All My Sons costar, Patrick Wilson. He's married. Tom has bodyguards around Katie at all times; they spy on her and report back to him. Jennifer Aniston has hired a wedding planner! Last week she popped the question to John Mayer, now she's planning her ceremony. She says she's meeting with celebrity wedding planner Mindy Weiss to plan a 40th birthday party, but Star says Aniston's working on a beach wedding in Los Cabos, Mexico. She wants people doing tequila poppers and listening to a mariachi band. Jen wants to wear a simple white dress with flowers in her hair; a flowing "Mexican peasant" look. Coco Cox-Arquette will be the flower girl. Pete Wentz will be the best man. Lastly, there is a 5 page feature on laundry tips with pictures of stars picking up their dry cleaning.
Grade: C (generic chocolate bar)

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Getting a series of plastic surgeries that pumped her rack up to a "startlingly large" 32DD. Jordan could no longer appear in the Sun at that point, because they have a strict no-implant policy, but she took a page out of the Nicole Richie playbook and began partying excessively at London nightspots. Former Daily Mirror gossip columnist Jessica Callan says, "She’d get drunk, fall over, end up with inappropriate men, just the kind of celebrity we liked to write about. As a gossip columnist, you were thrilled when you found out Jordan would show up: ‘Brilliant. There’ll be some mayhem.’"

So, the press coverage of Jordan was largely negative, until she "wrote" a series of memoirs about her hardscrabble life (Jordan on "writing": "The autobiographies I’ve done, I literally speak into a Dictaphone…They go off and write it up. The only difference they might add in, for example, is ‘It was a sunny day, and the daffodils were just coming up.’ Of course they add them bits in. But other than that it is me, me to a T.”). Hearing about her sordid, unhappy past — abuse, bad relationships, a child with severe autism — made her infinitely relatable to many British women, particularly working class British women, Zuckerman notes. According to the Times, "Callan ended up seeing Price not as the 'shambolic' party girl she’d thought her to be but as 'a very sad, vulnerable character.'"

Jordan has exploited this vulnerability to her own ends, with an empire that includes her 3 autobiographies, lines of lingerie and jewelery, forthcoming lines of baby clothes and housewares, and a reality show about Jordan — now widely known as Katie Price, and her current husband Peter Andre. She's even taken out her enormous implants and plans to sell them on eBay — “I’m trying to find a frame and a picture and a bra to put them in" Jordan says. Because of Jordan's status as something of a "working class hero" in Britain, according to Maddy Coy and Maria Garner of London's Metropolitan University, some people equate her success with "feminism." Coy and Garner wrote in an academic paper that was quoted in the Times article, “Jordan [is] regarded as embodying feminism, based on economic success and shrewd business sense…[But when] working class women . . . cash in with their bodies, this is not feminism but enterprise capitalism.”

Thank you Maddy Coy and Maria Garner for articulating something that has been seriously bothering me for a long, long time. I got really heated about the comments in this post about the woman who claimed to be empowered by auctioning her virginity. One commenter wrote, "There's this thing where we all sorta-kinda agree not to 'slut shame' around here, but prostitutes... are open game?" And it bugged me because the post was not about "shaming" anyone. It was about pointing out the absurdity of the situation: a woman is hijacking the language of feminism to justify selling her body. I'm not saying it should be illegal, nor am I saying that she should be burned at the stake or something. My point is more that by buying into a system that values women exclusively for their sexual attractiveness does women as a whole no favors. Even if a woman makes boatloads of money exploiting that system, that doesn't make it an intrinsically feminist act, nor is it subverting that system. It's just making money.

All of that women's centerish ranting aside, I've seen snippets of Katie Price's reality show, Katie & Peter, and the Jordan spectacle is pretty endearing. How can you not admire a couple who pay "a nostalgic visit to the hotel bathroom in Australia where she first performed oral sex on him"? Katie even "mimed the activity to make clear what happened where." She might not be intrinsically feminist, but Katie Price sure is entertaining.

Really, Really, Big in Britain [NY Times]

Earlier: Area Woman 'Empowered' By Auctioning Her Virginity

But did you know that a decade ago, it was discovered that fat has stem cells in it that are similar to the stem cells in bone marrow? The new fat put into breast tissue is sent to a lab prior to insertion, so that the stem cells within can be fortified. This process is all the rage in Asia and parts of Europe, where women are paying "$15,000 to $30,000 or more depending on the surgeon and clinic," according to the Wall Street Journal.

Sounds just dandy for the rich and frivolous, right? Wrong! There are major, as yet-unexplored risks, the Journal notes. "Some doctors worry the fat, when reinjected in the breast, could calcify and interfere with mammographic cancer screening. Another concern is that fat injections could increase the risk of breast cancer, because certain anticancer drugs work in postmenopausal women by inhibiting the production of estrogen, a hormone in fat tissue."

But that hasn't stopped some U.S. doctors, like Jafar Koupaie, from performing the FDA-not approved surgery. In fact, Koupie was generous enough to perform the controversial procedure on his wife. The Journal interviews Erika Igarashi, a woman who volunteered for the fat-enhancement at the Tokyo-based Seishin clinic. The Journal says that the Seishin clinic uses photos of Igarashi to tout the procedure, but we couldn't find them ANYWHERE ON THE INTERNET!! Japanese-speaking Jezebels, perhaps your sleuthing will be more effective — let us know if you find anything.

Anyway, a company called Cytori is looking into marketing a device that "combines fat with a mixture of stem cells and other regenerative cells," and there are real ailments like cardiovascular disease (and of course, breast reconstruction for those who have had mastectomies) that could be treated with the potent stem cell combo. If this is the case, why not use cosmetic surgery devotees as guinea pigs? If they're willing to risk their health for perfect tatas, at least they can help others in the meantime.

Stem Cells And Breast Surgery [WSJ]

• We learned that dressing for success means always wearing a muumuu.
• We debuted a new feature called Shelf Pleasuring wherein we read 70s books full of sexytimes.
• You guys, friends don't make friends get boob jobs.
• They also don't let you board planes with a ton of weed in your suitcase

• Friends do, however, allow you to develop girl crushes on femi-friendly Current TV hosts.
• Also girl crush material: sofa king gorgeous Indian models<
• Speaking of models, Kazakh model Ruslana Korshunova jumped from her apartment building on Sunday night and died. Our Tatiana weighed in on the depersonalization and loneliness rampant in the modeling business.
• But hey! It's not all a bummer this week: we discussed the swoony fanmail we wrote as wee ones.
• So enjoy the long weekend, bitches! This bitch will be celebrating her tail off for the fourth and so should you.

Anyway. I've addressed this topic countless times, so extensively we have this tag "American Titocracy," so if you've been reading awhile you know I think that the American economy is so driven by "want creation" that all work performed by women is on some level gradually acquiring properties of sex work. Which is why I feel so adamantly that somebody needs to punch Gordon Patzer in his conventionally handsome still-boyish-at-50 face.

(Let's face it: is there anyone of whose intellect you are generally more suspicious than a really really pretty person? Later on in life, that can actually work to their advantage, since the pretty people find adoring boyfriends who will stay in while they catch up on all the reading they missed out on in high school. I know a bunch of really pretty people who have totally overcompensated in this way, to the point that I now consider it a neutral if someone is extraordinarily attractive, though there is still a lot to be said for having been ugly throughout most of your formative years.)

The point is, however, that Gordon Patzer's brand of dismayed resignation is NOT WHAT AMERICA NEEDS RIGHT NOW. The threat to American hegemony is not the superior skin and/or bone structure of the BRIC nations. (Well, Brazil maybe?) And we need our fucking science minds to stop going into plastic surgery.

How Plastic Surgery Can Help Your Career [US News]

My Beautiful Mommy tells the story of a little girl whose mother gets a tummy tuck and breast implants (did you guys know that this combo is referred to as a "mommy makeover"?) along with a nose job for good measure. Before the woman goes into surgery, she explains to her daughter, "You see, as I got older, my body stretched and I couldn't fit into my clothes anymore. Dr. Michael is going to help fix that and make me feel better." It's unclear why the mother also chooses rhinoplasty, but she does tell her daughter that the nose will appear "different, my dear—prettier!" (Because that's an excellent message to send to your daughter: isn't she going to think that her nose is inadequate, too?)

Newsweek quotes one mother, Gabriela Acosta, who got a tummy tuck. She read the book to her son, Junior, and at a party shortly after Acosta's recovery, Junior went around asking people, "Did you see her new belly button? It's so pretty!" The article gives stats about plastic surgery, including the fact that, last year, 348,000 women had boob jobs and 148,000 had tummy tucks, but what I'm wondering is who are these people?

There are so many articles about plastic surgery — women dying from Botox, women getting boob jobs for their weddings — but I barely know anyone who's had surgery at all. Sure, a smattering of post-grad nose jobs have occurred, but it doesn't seem to be this all-out country-wide body reconstruction/ self-loathing that the sheer amount of press makes it seem like. Is it because celebrities get so much surgery that it makes it seem like the norm? Or do I live in a fantasy land where women spend their money on new books, not new breasts?

Mommy 2.0 [Newsweek]
My Beautiful Mommy [Big Tent Books]

According to the paper, women are getting boob jobs, nose jobs, Botox, and more than 20% of brides polled by academic researchers "were taking an approach [to weight loss] that the researchers perceived as 'extreme', including downing laxatives, vomiting after meals and adopting a new-found smoking habit as a way to stave off hunger pangs."

"You could say bollocks to it and get married in something from Topshop," writer Alice Wignall says, "but it's not easy for any woman who has grown up with the beauty myth - even if she's actually read The Beauty Myth - to do that on the one day still marked most seriously by old-fashioned notions of femininity."

Cosmo and MSN took those old-fashioned notions of femininity to heart when they printed this list of Single-Girl Things to Do Before You Marry. (Goddamn, this list is stupid.) "Slip one of those furry covers on the toilet," Cosmo suggests; "Plan your fantasy wedding!" "If all you feel like eating for dinner is ice cream and diet soda, buy a cone and pop a Coke!" Except for the planning the wedding part, the entire list is filled with idiotic tripe that you could do when you're married, too. Isn't there some sort of middle ground between getting married in Topshop and planning your Cosmo-licious fantasy wedding years before you've even met a prospective husband?

And The Bride Wore Botox ... [Guardian]
Single-Girl Things to Do Before You Marry [MSN, reprinted from Cosmopolitan]

Earlier: Single Slut Crashes New York Weddings Showcase