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British Olympic Swimming Champion Feels "Unfeminine"

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CharlotteTrampling
05/13/09

In reply to British Olympic Swimming Champion Feels "Unfeminine"
I have the same body as her except a few inches shorter. I was a swimmer as a teen until my genetic disposition to grow an ass and teenage disposition to slack off ended that.

Yes, there are many times I feel less than feminine. The broad shoulders, big arms and legs, big hands and feet, wide back and height are not that attractive to the average shallow male. There have been some guys who asked me to slim down, as if I can reduce the size of my bones.

But who needs them?

It does suck that amazonian women are seen as less feminine because to be feminine seems to mean to be powerless, except for "feminine wiles". Of which I have none.
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Hana Maru
05/13/09

@CharlotteTrampling: Yeah we're supposed to take up as little space as possible. It makes men feel bigger and stronger in comparison, I guess.
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applejuice
05/13/09

In reply to British Olympic Swimming Champion Feels "Unfeminine"
I've lived both in the UK and in the US (both for many years) and it is not as common in the UK for girls to be involved in sports. Don't get me wrong, some girls do sports here, but it is not as prevalent as it was in the Midwest US where I am originally from. Also, for both boys and girls, sports are not taken as seriously on a broad level. Sure there are some kids (like Addlington) who go in seriously from an early age. But for the most part there are fewer practices a week and they don't take stuff as seriously here for "normal" kids. I find this good and bad. On one hand kids have more time to be kids, on the other they don't get as good at whatever sport they are doing!
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Liz11685
05/13/09

In reply to British Olympic Swimming Champion Feels "Unfeminine"
I feel for her so much. I am tall and broad as well and often feel unfeminine because I am so much BIGGER than most girls. One day I hope my future daughters (if I have them) will be able to look at kickass women like Adlington and realize that women of all sizes are beautiful and feminine.
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ImproperDancing
05/13/09

In reply to British Olympic Swimming Champion Feels "Unfeminine"
I want to hug this girl and force her to understand that she's beautiful.

Unfortunately, that would be hypocritical of me because I am the QUEEN of hating on my own looks.
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Mmmmkay (gellin' and Jezebelin)
05/13/09

In reply to British Olympic Swimming Champion Feels "Unfeminine"
I think no matter how accomplished we are, we always feel we should apologize for not being pretty "enough." Its fucked up. Every time I see a picture of myself laughing really hard with my face screwed up I make sure to say "oh god I look awful, demented etc." Like I need to reassure the patriarchy, oh I was just having fun for a minute! I'll go back to posing sexily as soon as I'm done. Ugh, I need to stop that.
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HollyGodrunkly
05/13/09

In reply to British Olympic Swimming Champion Feels "Unfeminine"
I recently came to the realization that I feel most beautiful and confident when I'm soaked in sweat and wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt after a hour-long kickboxing class.

When I wear heels and a dress, I feel pretty but feel like a decoration... but being physically strong and feeling like I accomplished something makes me feel truly beautiful, like a goddess. I wish Rebecca could look at it the same way and own her athleticism.
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HuckleberryFriend
05/13/09

@HollyGodrunkly: I know what you mean. For me being feeling strong is feeling feminine and most like myself.
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fol_de_rol
05/13/09

In reply to British Olympic Swimming Champion Feels "Unfeminine"
There was a series of Nike for Women ads a few years ago that glorified things like swimmers' shoulders, muscular calves and thighs, etc. Stories like this make me think those ads need to come out again.

(USA Today column about the ads, to jog anyone's memory: [www.usatoday.com])
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Hana Maru
05/13/09

@fol_de_rol: Oh, I remember those. They were awesome.
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la_periodista
05/13/09

In reply to British Olympic Swimming Champion Feels "Unfeminine"
That make me appreciate my high school swim team, where we'd JOKE about "man shoulders," or about being "beasts," but actually just totally appreciate it as a sign of being a kick-ass athlete. For a team that involved both teenagers AND spending a lot of time in bathing suits, there were surprisingly few body issues. We reveled in being super athletes!
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sequined
05/13/09

@la_periodista: Ours joked a ton about being "beasts" but I never thought about it in terms of our bodies--just our accomplishments. I wonder if that was true for my teammates? I have no idea, now that I think on it. But very few body comments were ever really made, that I recall. Certainly nothing disparaging.
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tscheese
05/13/09

In reply to British Olympic Swimming Champion Feels "Unfeminine"
Is it weird that, as someone who is also 5'11" with large shoulders, I don't really want to be seen as "feminine"? Yes, I want people to realize I'm female, sure, but the idea of what is "feminine" is so vague and arbitrary, that I'm not even sure how to embody those attributes.

If you think of a conventionally-defined "feminine" appearance, there are connotations of being soft, small, tidy, delicate, perhaps with fresh-looking colors and ethereal, flowing fabric. And while I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with any of these physical attributes, if you happen to have them, they just don't work on me.

Between the ages of 16 and 19, though, I definitely DID want to be very small and tiny and delicate (wasn't in the genetic cards for me, that's for damn sure), because I thought I couldn't be attractive otherwise. It took several years and a lot of positive reinforcement from friends and loved ones to realize I can be strong and smart and compelling without trying to hunch over and be tiny.

Now I actually don't mind my height and big-boned-ness. I kind of rock it. I like towering and asserting my sense of space (and looking down at men and occasionally sneering, which makes me a bad feminist I am sure.) But 19 is SUCH a tough age. I hope Rebecca comes to see her her strength and agility as positive things, as gifts--she's worked very hard for those muscles and skills, and I hope she embraces that and realizes how beautiful she is.
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Kivrin
05/13/09

@tscheese: I think there's a lot of personality psych at work here. Some people want/need to fit in, blend in, whatever; others relish being different. If you were 5'4" with smaller shoulders, I bet you would look for other ways to stand out physically -- it's probably just part of your personality, to embrace being different. Sounds like Adlington (and many other women) would really prefer to be able to blend in a bit more, and it must be hard to overcome that innate desire when you're blessed with a "different" body (however badass it may be).
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CrossWord
05/13/09

In reply to British Olympic Swimming Champion Feels "Unfeminine"
Dude, she looks THE SAME with makeup and without. We all do. It is such a myth that we can make ourselves look significantly better or worse than we naturally are. If you have a professional stylist, maybe. But the average woman looks the same. It's just a placebo.
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sequined
05/13/09

@CrossWord: I would argue (and am arguing, ha) that people with light eyebrows and lashes can make themselves look significantly different with eyeliner/mascara/browliner. I've seen it happen!

Also, it's possible to look less exhausted with concealer.

But it would be difficult for makeup alone to make me look like Anne Hathaway, so on that front, I cede your point.
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Kivrin
05/13/09

In reply to British Olympic Swimming Champion Feels "Unfeminine"
It's really not that hard to understand why women like Adlington feel unfeminine. It's right there in the definition of the word: feminine refers to things that are "characteristic of or...unique to women." I think the word "most" is implied there -- i.e., "unique to most women" -- so when it comes to the human body, we're talking about things like breasts and comparatively curvy hips. Most women have these qualities (to a certain extent), and most men don't. So it's understandable that a woman who has more muscles than soft curves would notice that she looks different from most women and therefore feel "unfeminine." It's all about the normal curve, and outliers on either end of the spectrum are going to stand out, for better or for worse. Adlington is still a complete and total badass, don't get me wrong -- but no, a female swimmer's body probably doesn't fit into the definition of feminine, because most women (i.e., the middle of the normal curve) aren't badass competitive swimmers! As more and more women branch out from traditional female roles, then the prevailing definition/connotation of "feminine" will (hopefully) change. Women like Adlington are doing their part to change it, and future generations will thank them for it -- I just wish Adlington didn't have to feel so uncomfortable with her body in the here and now.
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Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd)
05/13/09

@Kivrin: Shaq's body isn't the norm for "most" men, but I bet he never goes around lamenting how "unmasculine" he feels.
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Kivrin
05/13/09

@Benevolent_Dictatrix I must I must increase my bust!: Well yeah. I should have pointed out that one particular end of the spectrum is probably more prone to "unmasculine" or "unfeminine" feelings. Jane Mansfield probably never lamented her lack of femininity, either -- she was hyper-feminine, just as Shaq is basically hyper-masculine (tall, broad-shouldered). But there are shorter and/or heavier men who absolutely feel less masculine because of their bodies.
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sequined
05/13/09

@Benevolent_Dictatrix I must I must increase my bust!: But muscles and height are more characteristic of the average man than of the average woman. Broad hips are more characteristic of women. Very tall muscular men may not look average, but they're clearly on the "masculine" end of that particular scale. When Kivrin says outliers on either side feel weird, I think that's not really true--I think only outliers who are closer to the "ideal" conception of the other gender's traits (so tall, muscular, powerful = man) feel particularly out of place in terms of being "feminine" or "masculine." I doubt Dita Von Teese sits around feeling unfeminine because she's curvier and hotter than "most" women.
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shorty63136
05/13/09

In reply to British Olympic Swimming Champion Feels "Unfeminine"
I've always been kinda "cock diesel", as some would call it. Broad shoulders, big boobs, strong arms.

Granted, I did work at UPS for 6 years (guess who didn't have to worry about working out then?) and now that I've picked up rugby, it definitely helps to have these shoulders so I can have some force in a scrum.

Plus, if shoulder pads ever come back in style, I won't need them. Thank God.

Broad-shouldered broads FTW!! (and girlfriend is hot - fuck that noise)
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shorty63136
05/13/09

And to be clear, I've never been "girly" or "feminine". I have my moments or my days where I might even put on a dress (and people make a "You look like such a girl!" fuss which further makes me feel like I'm doing something "wrong" by not being feminine and loving shoes and makeup and accessories). But most days I can't stand it. I've tried to be something I'm not and it's not me and makes me feel MORE self-conscious when I do it.

Now at the age of 25, I'll have to say that it's just NOW that I'm starting to be comfortable with the fact that it's ok that I'm not feminine. And that somebody will love me regardless.
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Ramseylicious
05/13/09

@shorty63136:
Former rugger here! I was always an athlete but somehow managed to stay chubby until I started playing rugby in college. I think maybe I was just more dedicated...or the conditioning was different...but it totally transformed by body. My team was not very skilled so our coaches pretty much just made sure we were in great shape so we didn't look like complete assholes on the field. There was one point where we were doing so much leg work that our thighs were bulging out of our jeans Hulk-style. I miss that.

Fuckity fuck, I need to go to the gym.
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shorty63136
05/13/09

@Ramseylicious: *hugs to the rugger*

And I was just the opposite - not athletic at all. I was a fine arts kid and picked up rugby, literally in February. (Going from UPS to a desk job has not been nice to me) But you're right, it does transform your body. Luckily our team has some pretty experienced players so they overshadow my slow-to-come athleticism. :)
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sybann
05/13/09

In reply to British Olympic Swimming Champion Feels "Unfeminine"
This makes me so sad. The worst thing about it is that one day she'll look back and realize just how gorgeous and powerful she was and will regret not appreciating that in the moment.

I'm on vacation and was wincing at the unmadeup face in the mirror and the roundness in the swimsuit when my Mom said, "you look awesome." It made me stop and appreciate my health and TRY to appreciate my looks a little harder.
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gumbytime
05/13/09

In reply to British Olympic Swimming Champion Feels "Unfeminine"
wasn't there an episode of "What Not to Wear" that featured a US olympic swimmer (hopeful?) Her body image was very similar to Rebecca's.
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Hana Maru
05/13/09

@gumbytime: That's sad. Of course a male olympian would never be ashamed of the extraordinary shape he was in.
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Eric Northman is mine
05/13/09

In reply to British Olympic Swimming Champion Feels "Unfeminine"
"People ask me, 'Are you expecting?' I say, 'No, I'm just fat.'"

Best response to possibly the stupidiest/most insensitive questions of all time. I hate that women's bodies are often deeemd to be public properties for display hence the catcalls and wanting to touch women's pregnant belly/ask if someone's pregnant? What's it to you, anyway?

I just want to want down the street and take public transportation without having to sport a bitchface all the time and then as usual some asshole will have the gall to tell me to smile. Ugh!
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sequined
05/13/09

@Sookie Stackhouse: I think her calling herself "fat" is horrible. She's an Olympic athlete--her size is almost certainly not fat. She's using "fat" as synonymous with "undesirable," not "carries extra weight." I think that's an attitude that shouldn't be perpetuated.

Also, depreciating oneself in response to an offensive comment seems like it would just make you feel worse. Or me, at least.
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Eric Northman is mine
05/13/09

@sequined: yeah i get how depreciating comments could be used to shield yourself but i think she's also trying to call out how silly the question is. If you don't think i'm pregnant then you think i'm fat. If you asked the question, where do you go from there? I'm sure people just apologize or walk away when they realize that they probably had no business asking that question in the first place.
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