• A photo has surfaced of Jessica Simpson out with Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins on Friday night. A source says they're "officially dating... she has fallen hard and is smitten."

• Another source says her posse isn't excited about her latest beau. "He's just another in an endless string of Jessica's boyfriends," says the source. "They think he's too old for her. No one takes any of her boyfriends seriously anymore because she has had so many. They're sick of all of them being 'the one.'" [E!]
• Elin Nordegren's mother, Barbro Holmberg, was identified as the woman rushed to the hospital from Tiger Woods' home this morning. She's at home now, resting comfortably. [Extra]
• TMZ obtained the dispatch notes from the 911 call from Tiger Woods' home today, which contain nothing interesting. [TMZ]
• According to a source at the hospital, Barbro Holmberg was suffering from stomach pains. [TNZ]
• Gatorade is shutting down production of Tiger Woods Focus Gatorade, but a rep insists, "We made the decision several months ago... our relationship with Tiger continues." [TMZ]
• Star claims Elin Nordegren confronted Tiger Woods' mistress Rachel Uchitel twice before Thanksgiving. A friend of Rachel's says, "Rachel denied she had an affair with Tiger, and told her, ‘I've walked your husband to a table at [a NYC night club] Griffin, made sure everything was OK, and that's the extent of our relationship. It's ridiculous and crazy that people are saying that I slept with him.'" The second time she told Rachel, "I know everything," then threw her cell phone at Tiger. [Star]
• According to the dispatch log from Tiger Woods' SUV crash, Tiger's agent called the Florida Highway Patrol on the day after the accident to reschedule a meeting because, "He's still too sore from the accident." [TMZ]
• Dennis Rodman weighed in on the Tiger Woods scandal saying, "I think people expect me to do it, you know, it's just Dennis. But Tiger, that's a different story... People expect him to be this loving husband and this loving father, and this, you know, when you have that much money and that much power, of course all the hoodrats and everybody is just gonna come all out of the woodwork." [Ok]
• This article blames Alexa Ray Joel's alleged suicide attempt on her mother, Christie Brinkley. She had just come back from vacation with her mom and a source claims, "They have knock-down, drag-out fights regularly over issues relating to Billy Joel." A former family employee adds, "She would tell Alexa that her father was an alcoholic and that she had her father's genes and that she might be an alcoholic, too." [NY Post]
• Showbiz 411 insists that the Post story isn't true and points to an upbeat postcard from Turks and Caicos as proof that "Alexa had a great family holiday." Peter Cook, Christie Brinkley's ex-husband, may be the source of the negative stories. [Showbiz 411]
• Sources say Mickey Rourke will marry his 24-year-old Russian girlfriend Elena Kuletskaya in April. "They haven't booked a venue or made any solid plans. He just knows he wants to do it in April, and he's been asking what is involved in a traditional Russian wedding ceremony," says a source. [Daily Express]
• Though Elton John and his partner David Furnish are not allowed to adopt an HIV-positive Ukrainian toddler because the country does not recognize gay unions, they are working to make sure the boy and his brother "have the best health care, education and family options available to them." [AP]
• Madonna said she wound up giving her daughter Lourdes a bigger role in her "Celebration" music video because, "She's been doing rhythmic gymnastics for years and she's very flexible, she's a great dancer... it was one of those fluke things. We didn't intend for her to be in the video. We did intend for her to be in the part where she dresses up for the costumes, that we planned, but the other one where she was just dancing with the dancers... she's very friendly with the dancers and they kind of dragged her into it and you know, it was just a small little piece. It's great, she's a show girl." [Daily Express]
• Madonna says she doesn't know if her kids would rather have a "normal life," and "Anyways they don't have a choice, they're stuck with the mother they have and I think they realise there are pluses and minuses to it. I think sometimes they'd like to walk down the street and just feel like normal kids and that happens, and other times, you know, they get great bonuses and perks out of being my children and they know it and they're very grateful and appreciative for it." [Daily Express]
• Kate Gosselin says her kids are distraught over not being on TV anymore. Kate says: "They cried in the van on the way home from school the other day. I finally admitted to them, they kept asking, 'Where's the camera crew? Where's the camera crew? We miss them.' And I said, 'Our show is over.' ...Eight sobbing kids driving home from school." [Us]
• Kate Gosselin spent more than three hours serving food at a Raleigh, North Carolina restaurant as cameras filmed her. Her bodyguard Steve Neild told reporters to leave and said she was shooting a test segment for a future program. [WRAL]
• Pauly Shore is suing his brother and accusing him of elder abuse. Pauly claims their mother has been "rendered susceptible to unscrupulous behavior and other undue influence because of her condition," and says his brother improperly removed him from the board of directors as The Comedy Store in Hollywood. [Radar Online]
• Bryant Gumbel has lung cancer and had a malignant tumor removed from his chest last month. "We had told a few people, we told my family, obviously. I even kept it from my staff at Real Sports. So I'm okay for the time being," he said. "I'm hoping they greenlight me to play golf again." [People]
• Though former Geffen Records executive John Kalodner says Lenny Kravitz should take over for Steven Tyler in Aerosmith. Kravitz says, "As much as I am flattered that Aerosmith's camp would consider me to front the band, Steven Tyler is a family friend, and no voice could ever take the place of his. I hope the band stays together. They are classic." [Daily Express]
• David Guest just realized taking Michael Jackson's advice about cosmetic surgery was a bad idea. "I had surgery when I was very young and it was the stupidest thing I've ever done. Michael Jackson kept saying, 'You should have plastic surgery.' I got my nose done and he said, 'Do more, do more!' It was stupid," he said. "If I had my way, I'd go back to my original big nose with a bit of a hook in it. It looked great." [Daily Express]
• Ryan O'Neal has been visiting Redmond O'Neal every week in rehab. "Redmond and Ryan are working on their relationship. Both of them are working towards a positive and healthy father and son relationship," says a source. [Radar Online]
• In the 911 call David Hasselhoff's daughter Hayley made on Thanksgiving weekend she says: "My dad just ... he's collapsed. He's standing up but he keeps falling back down ... But then he got back up and he's fine. It's kind of scaring me." [People]
• Nicole Kidman says she likes to focus on her health rather than how much she weighs. "As Keith's a musician there are pitstops at Wendy's" she says, "But I'm six-foot tall, so it's not weight that's an issue for me, but things like cholesterol." [People]
• In the 911 call made when Brittany Murphy's husband Simon Monjack was taken to the hospital from LAX last month, the caller says he "stopped breathing" but they "revived him." [TMZ]
• Bob Geldof attacked the U.K. family court for conducting "state-sanctioned kidnap" by holding closed custody hearings, adding: "In the near future the family law under which we endure will be seen as barbaric, criminally damaging, abusive, neglectful; harmful to society, the family, the parents and the children in whose name it purports to act." [Daily Mail]
• Russell Brand says it was easy for him to win over Katy Perry's parents because, ''They love the old school Englishness. There's a thing where the mom said 'Nothing's impossible', and I went, 'well, of course, Nelson Mandela said that everything is impossible until it's done', and she went, 'Oh', and she really enjoyed that... Obviously when I heard that my girlfriend had preacher parents, I thought, 'well, this has got a huge scope for disaster' but it's actually been quite good so far." [The Telegraph]
• Justin Bobby, Speidi, Kristin Cavallari, and Audrina Patridge will be back for The Hills sixth season according to an MTV spokesperson. [People]
• Mel Gibson's estranged wife Robyn Gibson has filed court papers requesting to see copies of his Directors Guild and Screen Actors Guild health and pension plans. [Radar Online]
• Travis Barker has settled his lawsuit against defendants over the plane crash he was injured in. [TMZ]
• Celine Dion says she's going to keep trying IVF even though it turned out she wasn't pregnant this summer. "We have a wonderful child, we're extremely happy," she said. "It's not like, 'Oh my god, she's not pregnant and she's depressed,' " she continues. "You know how it works. We are great. We hope for the best, we hope to get pregnant. If it happens, it happens." [People]
• Shakira says she owes her success to her parents taking her to the park to show her kids worse off than her on the day they declared bankruptcy. "That day I made myself a promise," she said. "I promised that I would someday succeed to vindicate my parents' social and economic position. But I also wanted to do something about those kids I saw so abandoned by the state, abandoned to their own luck, without any chances to change their destinies." [CNN]
• When asked how she got into character as the grandmother of a dead girl in The Lovely Bones, Susan Sarandon said, "I drank and smoked and partied down. No, I didn't do that. I think I probably had the easiest job of anyone, because I was going against all the really difficult feelings and trying to keep everybody moving forward and remembering to live and letting the light in, literally. Plus, I was always drinking and smoking, so I have lots of props - so it was actually pretty fun." [NY Magazine]
• Sigourney Weaver says of her new film Avatar, "You won't have seen anything like it. This film is going to change the way we look at movies. The whole movie is in 3-D, even normal scenes between two people. So you feel you're in the room with these characters. You're always in the best seat in the house." [The Telegraph]
• Of being called the "Bear Jew" in Inglourious Basterds, Eli Roth says, "Well it's funny because I've always been compared to some sort of animal. On Cabin Fever they called me hair director. On Hostel one of the Czech extras saw me in a tank top and casually referred to me as Gorilka" which is Slovak for gorilla. So from that point on, it was over. Everyone was always, "Where's Gorilka? We need Gorilka on set! There was a girl who nicknamed me wolfie, so I've always been compared to some sort of furry animal. So I just embraced it — and Bear Jew felt like the natural evolution." [N.Y. Post]
• Viggo Mortensen makes a good point about why we shouldn't underestimate Sarah Palin: "I think it would be unwise to dismiss her because she is foolish and misinformed. People say there's no way she will hold any significant office, in Congress, or as president. Don't be so sure. I notice she's starting to sound relatively eloquent in that superficial way she has: ‘We gotta cut taxes and we can't keep penalizing small business'-that same old litany. She's not saying anything significant but she's stringing the words together and she's not just saying, ‘Aw shucks, I just killed a moose in Alaska.' She's stringing the words together as well as George W. Bush did in the beginning... They realized they couldn't make [Bush] sound like somebody who actually read books and cared about how he sounded-even though he had the benefits of the best possible education. It just wasn't interesting to him to sound like he made sense and to speak English anywhere near well. But what they did, very cleverly, is say, OK, he's just like us. He makes mistakes when he says stuff; he's a regular guy. And I can see the same thing happening with Palin. So do not underestimate her ability. She's not going away." [The Daily Beast]

• Oy (Oi?): An Australian tabloid is claiming that Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are "in turmoil" because Kristen is pregnant with the sparkle vamp's spawn.

The story is illustrated with a ridiculous "bump watch" close-up of Kristen's rather flat tummy trying to breathe in some super tight leather pants. Oh, hey: While we're on the subject, remember this? [ONTD]

• Will Breaking Dawn, the fourth Twilight film, have a different director? Says New Moon's Ashley Greene: "[Eclipse director] David [Slade] and [New Moon director] Chris [Weitz] will both be busy in postproduction, and Catherine [Hardwicke] will be doing Hamlet." [E!]
• Meanwhile, Robert Pattinson is sick of shooting his film in New York and dying to get back home. A source says he is "so over everything" and overwhelmed by fans: "He's embarrassed by the way girls throw themselves at him. The girls here are stalking him. He stayed in two different hotels over the course of four days just to try to escape the fans who were following him. He's afraid that if he gives a hand, they'll take the whole arm. He's being advised by security not to encourage the crowd, so he doesn't even look up anymore." [Gatecrasher]
• You know that Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning will make out in The Runaways, right? [NY Daily News]
• A tiny, "economically depressed" Indian reservation in Washington state — home of the Quileute Nation — has become inundated with Twilight fans. The tribe opened its Wednesday night drum circle to all visitors, but has "mixed feelings" about the attention. [NY Post]
• Did Chris Brown and Amber Rose hook up at Diddy's white party on July 4? "They were holding hands and making out in the shadows," a witness claims. Kanye West was "devastated" when Chris Brown harmed Rihanna, whom Kanye thinks of as a sister. What will he think of his on/off ladyfriend making out with Chris Brown? WILL HE WRITE A RANT?!?! [NY Daily News]
• Weeks after allegedly trashing a hotel room in L.A., Courtney Love is being accused of leaving a NYC hotel room "littered with needles and used feminine hygiene products." [The Sun]
• Daniel Radcliffe says the idea of him dating Emma Watson is "really incestuous," but admits this of his Harry Potter costars: "There was a period when we were the only boys and girls any of us knew. And so, you know, we were all unbelievably horny from about the third film to probably about the end of the fifth; then it all settled down." Hmm. Sounds like someone was fantasizing about someone! [Mirror]
• Though details are sketchy, it looks like Jennifer Hudson, Stevie Wonder, Alicia Keys and Aretha Franklin will be attending and performing at the Michael Jackson memorial. [MSNBC Scoop]
• 1.6 million people wanted tickets for Michael Jackson's memorial, but only 11,000 tickets are available. A producer says: "It will be a celebration of Michael's life (but) we're not approaching it as a TV show… In the future, there may be a tribute to Michael Jackson. This is really a memorial service. It's not going to have all the bells and whistles. We want to keep it low-key." [AFP]
• "I want to stress to those people who are coming, or are thinking about coming, to the city for this special event that you might want to consider watching this from the comfort of your home," says Councilwoman Jan Perry, L.A.'s acting mayor (Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa is out of the country). [CNN]
• There are already Michael Jackson memorial tickets on eBay. [CBS News]
• Lawyers will be in court today, arguing over who will control Michael Jackson's estate. [TMZ]
• The doctor who was with Michael Jackson the day he died clams he did not administer Demerol or OxyContin to Jackson that day. What about Propofol? No comment on that. [TMZ]
• Fans have created a shrine to Michael Jackson in Moscow, Russia. [CNN]
• A 1984 Andy Warhol portrait of Michael Jackson is up for auction, if you have like $10 million. [NY Daily News]
• This piece by Michael Jackson biographer Ian Halperin alleges that Michael was a drug addict who had recorded 200 "secret" songs before he died, had been depressed for a long time and had recently begun a relationship with a male artist, but was afraid of being revealed as gay. [Daily Mail]
• This paper is running video of Michael Jackson defending himself about child abuse allegations. He looks incredulous and annoyed. [News Of The World]
• According to this report, Michael Jackson may be buried in concrete to prevent fans from digging up his grave. [UPI]
• Will Michael Jackson be cremated, and his ashes scattered at Neverland? [NY Post]
• The bodyguard who called 911 to save Michael Jackson's life is named Alberto Alvarez, and he was apparently so loyal he didn't tell his neighbors whom he worked for. "He would disappear for days at a time. I guessed he was in security because of his size," one neighbor says. [Mirror]
• Paul McCartney is "devastated" that he doesn't have rights to Beatles songs he wrote with John Lennon, which may be part of Michael Jackson's estate. [Daily Express]
• In an interview with Silvio Berlusconi, Bob Geldof forced the Italian Prime Minister to apologize for failing to meet commitments to fighting poverty. "How can you lead the G8? Where is your credibility?" Geldof asked. [Times of London]
• Look for Michael Phelps to appear with that guy Jared in new Subway sandwich commercials starting today. The theme? "Be yourself." [AdWeek]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin spent the 4th of July together (with the kids). they had agreed weeks ago to set aside their differences for the holiday. [People]
• Alanis Morissette's guest stint on Weeds begins tonight. The singer says: "Weeds was my solace and respite in the back of the bus on tour. I was in the middle of detoxing at the time, and it was my replacement addiction for food." [USA Today]
• Gerard Butler partied in Montauk, NY over the weekend, at a "model-strewn" bash thrown by photographer Ben Watts (brother of Naomi). Did Gerard have fun? "He was there with about a million girls," a source says. [Page Six]
• Free your mind! En Vogue marked their 20th anniversary with a reunion show at the Essence Music Festival. [AP]
• Lock, stock and two smoking barrels of turnips: Guy Ritchie is trying to make his country estate, Ashcombe House, more eco-friendly and self-sufficient by adding greenhouses and vegetable gardens. [Mirror]
• Josh Duhamel and Fergie got a stripper pole as a wedding gift, but Josh says: "I've played on the pole more than she has." Pardon? "If you know my wife, she's a perfectionist and won't get on it until she's good, so she wants to take a class first. So the pole is really just decorative at this point." [Page Six]
• "German director Wim Wenders has stopped production on the planned 3D dance film Pina following the death of the film's subject — the legendary choreographer Pina Bausch." [Reuters]
• Blind items! "Which self-important, philandering writer who was dumped recently by his long-suffering wife is complaining that his jerky behavior is no longer covered on Page Six, moaning, 'You start getting used to it. And then you pick up the paper and you're not there and you think, 'Well, what am I, chopped liver?'" "Which unnaturally thin celebrity chef credits her bony frame to good eating habits, but really is addicted to laxatives?" [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which actor may have transformed himself from the drinker he once was, but still travels with his sponsor to avoid a slipup?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Q: What did you think about the Letterman/Palin controversy? (He made a truly tasteless joke about a baseball player and her 14-year-old daughter.)
  A: I thought the joke was hilarious and not only brought her back into the spotlight but gave her sympathy.
  Q: So, Letterman shouldn't have said it.
  A: Of course he should have said it! Oh, for God's sakes. We're comedians. Americans are so ridiculously uptight. Enough!" — Joan Rivers. [Houston Chronicle]
• "I look at Chris Martin who says he has never taken drugs in his life and I think he is an idiot. Doing drugs is the most beautiful thing about being in a rockband. Up until 1998 I must have spent £1 million on drugs then I stopped because it is bad for your health, brain, life and for people around you." — Noel Gallagher. [Daily Mail]
• "I was sort of smarting from Russell Crowe coming over here and playing Robin Hood and all these foreigners coming over here and stealing our great heroes - I felt I was striking a blow back by being a Brit playing a foreigner. I'd love to play Robin Hood but I'd particularly like to play all those parts Johnny Depp plays that are English people like The Earl of Rochester." — Dominic West. [Mirror]
• "It is bizarre, certainly in Hollywood, when you hit 23 [and] people start to ask you, 'How does it feel to get older?' It is absolutely surreal because, as a woman, when you hit your 30s it's just the beginning of owning yourself and being in your own body." — Carla Gugino. [Page Six]
• "I've always loved Chanel's style, but I was more interested in her character than the fashion. Her life is so rich, and her personality so unusual, that the story of her life is far greater than simply being a story of fashion. And I wanted to discover what lay behind the façade…" — Audrey Tautou, who plays Coco Chanel in Coco Avant Chanel. [Telegraph]
• "I've always been an elusive person. Maybe because it's the only way to keep yourself sacred. If you blow yourself out on too many movies and magazine covers, you just get chewed up and spat out. Okay, you might get to know me, but you can only come so far. The public is conditioned to think it's entitled to know everything about Brad and Angelina and whoever else, but that's not so. They're not entitled." — Robin Wright Penn. [Times Of London]
• "It's obvious I'm not dressing for men. I don't want to be sexy, I'm, like, covered in tattoos. I have piercings. I'm just grungy and weird and not what is socially accepted as being beautiful, and I think that's cool. [My heroes were mostly big in the '90s.] The women who were championing things that were different. I loved Winona Ryder in her Beetlejuice and Heathers era, and even when I saw Angelina Jolie on the red carpet, like, years before the Hollywood makeover and everyone was so weirded out because she had long, weird nails and a long, weird dress on. And that's what I think is amazing. Anti-beauty. I don't want to dress for men, I think it's almost like a feminist thing." — Peaches Geldof. [Times of London]

• Madonna has flown a nanny and a nurse to Malawi to look after Mercy while adoption papers and visas are being arranged. The deal's not done and the kid already has an entourage! [The Sun]

• Newsworthy: Megan Fox wore a red dress with a slit up to there and no bra and says, "I'm currently what you would call single I guess." [The Sun]
• Rihanna and Chris Brown were both at Game 4 of the NBA finals in Orlando on Thursday, and Chris went over where Rihanna and her posse were sitting and shook hands with all of her friends. But Rihanna was at the game to see Magic forward Rashard Lewis, "whom she's currently crushing on." [Gatecrasher]
• Usher is singing "You make me wanna… file for divorce" to wife Tameka Foster. [NY Daily News]
• "Fragile Susan Boyle dramatically dropped out of the Britain's Got Talent tour yesterday." [The Sun]
• Officials say Susan Boyle's cancellation was just a "one-off rest day." [NY Post]
• SHOCKER: Jon and Kate did not spend their 10th wedding anniversary together. [NY Daily News]
• As previously mentioned, Bruce Willis' daughter Tallulah is an intern at Bazaar, but the Post points out that since she's 15 and unpaid, it's in violation of federal labor laws. Bazaar clarifies: "Tallulah is a guest of Harper's Bazaar, shadowing our editors for a couple of weeks." [Page Six]
• Behold: Bruce Willis and new wife in some kind of "fetishistic shoot." She seems to be wearing those ankle-wrenching Nina Ricci shoes; he seems to be wearing very little. Won't someone think of the 15-year-old intern??? [NY Post]
• "BRAD PITT GOES ON ART BUYING BINGE." Well, he bought one painting. [Page Six]
• Brad Pitt's brother Doug has announced that the The Brad Pitt family is donating $1 million to establish an endowment fund to pay cancer specialists at St. John's hospital in Springfield , MO — the the center will be renamed St. John's Jane Pitt Pediatric Cancer Center in honor of their mother. [News-Leader]
• Lady GaGa dyes her dark hair blonde because she was once mistaken for Amy Winehouse: "Amy is a badass but I want to be known for my own look." Oh, you are, dear. You are. [The Sun]
• Dolly Parton in a Girl Scouts uniform! [Star Tribune]
• Prince Harry is pining for ex Chelsy Davy and told a friend, "I lost the best thing that ever happened to me." New love interest Caroline Flack doesn't have enough Ys in her name, so she's out of the picture. [The Sun]
• Re: Chaz Bono's sex change: The only regret? He wishes he had done it sooner. [TMZ]
• Three words: Octomom The Musical. [People]
• The new Miss California USA, Tami Farrell, says: "I'm trying my best to kind of calm the waters… I think that everything in life happens for a reason, and I'm just blessed to have this opportunity." These statements were made while she was attending the Playboy Jazz Festival at the Hollywood Bowl. Obviously. [CNN]
• Kelly Preston is in a PSA promoting healthy food for kids; you can watch it at the link. [People]
• Even though she's on tour with No Doubt, Gwen Stefani says: "My priorities are always going to be my husband and my family now. That's a huge, huge thing." [NY Daily News]
• SCANDAL: Justin "I'm A Mac" Long doesn't have an iPhone. [Page Six]
• Check out this silly interview with Shawn Wayans and his nephews, who are responsible for Dance Flick. Among Shawn's quips: "Obama is a superhero, man… Obama takes his kids to school and then he goes to work and saves the economy." [NY Times]
• Paul McCartney thinks you should go vegetarian at least once a week, to help the environment. Hence: Meat Free Monday. What's it gonna be tonight, folks? Mac and cheese? Falafel? Ice cream sundaes? [Telegraph]
• Sarah Silverman has a book of "autobiographical essays" coming out next April. [Page Six]
• Morgan Freeman is being sued for negligence regarding that horrible car crash last August; he denies the allegations. [E!]
• Though she stopped receiving treatment for anal cancer about a month ago, Farrah Fawcett's condition has not changed; she is still "stable." [Fox News]
• Does Sharon Osbourne owe $23,363.16 in California State taxes? [TMZ]
• Dennis Quaid has been cast as Bill Clinton in The Special Relationship, a film about the former president and Tony Blair — and Quaid's been "encouraged" to gain about 25 pounds. "It's Dennis's worst nightmare," says a source. "He is really health-conscious, but has been asked to follow the same diet as Clinton and gorge himself on Big Macs and Coca-Cola." The horror. [Telegraph]
• "Nine years, 18 seasons and 15 iterations of wilderness later, Survivor host Jeff Probst is a man of simple needs: A shower to call his own and a movie theater within driving distance." The ultimate Survivor? [LA Times]
• Tracey Ullman's show, State Of The Union, is available on Showtime in the US, but the BBC won't buy it. [Daily Express]
• Oh, dear: Those people suing Miley Cyrus for defaming Asians in her "slanty eye" picture got a judge who uses the word "orientals." Obviously they want him off the case. [TMZ]
• A lawsuit filed against Michael Jackson won't stop his comeback tour in London. [MSNBC]
• "The amusement-park rides, elephants and orangutans have been hauled away… Bats hang over the doorway to the building that housed Mr. Jackson's private arcade; guano stains the threshold." — from an update on the property known as Neverland, once the home of Michael Jackson. [WSJ]
• In a conversation with David Cross, he reveals that he has a publicist for the first time ever — at the urging of his girlfriend Amber Tamblyn; he has a book coming out in August,; and, he says: Alvin and the Chipmunks paid me more than all my other projects combined." He just finished the sequel. [LA Times]
• Katie "Jordan" Price on husband Peter Andre: "He's treating our split like a publicity stunt to relaunch his career." [Mirror]
• Hundreds of mourners gathered at a funeral for David Carradine in Hollywood on Saturday; music included The Beatles' "Let It Be" and Ludwig von Beethoven's "Requiem for a Fallen Hero." [AP]
• Oooh, Ghostbusters: Where Are They Now? [NY Daily News]
• John Amos, known for his roles in Roots, The West Wing and as the dad in Good Times, debuted his country single, "We Were Hippies," as part of the 2009 CMA Music Week in Nashville. [UPI]
• Did you know that David Bowie has a 38-year-old son, Duncan Jones? And did you know that he directed the new Sam Rockwell flick, Moon? [Patricia Glassop, the mother of late INXS singer Michael Hutchence says she hasn't seen her son's only daughter in years — Tiger Lily, 12, is being raised by Sir Bob Geldof, who is responsible for the ladies known as Peaches and Pixie. "Bob hasn't exactly been a role model in the parenting stakes when you look at the behavior of Peaches and Pixie. Glassop says: "Bob hasn't exactly been a role model in the parenting stakes when you look at the behavior of Peaches and Pixie." Ouch! [This Is London]
• "If you're going to be an actress you can't be coy. Breasts are sexy. I want to see them and audiences want to see them. I've had to do my fair share of it. If you're going to be an actress or a model it's usually part of the package. Men don't have to worry because their private parts don't make pleasant viewing, she thinks. "We don't want to see willies because they're ugly. We want to see breasts because they're beautiful." — Rachel Ward, whom you may have seen in The Thorn Birds. [Daily Express]
• "I stand by what I said. They did copy my song but I don't think they did it on purpose. I have even copied myself without even knowing I have done it. I'll write down what I think is a good melody and realise it's the same as something I have already done. I don't want them to think I am angry with them. I'd love to sit down and have a cup of tea with them and let them know it's okay." — Yusuf Islam, aka Cat Stevens, on Coldplay. [Daily Express]
• "If any of you have a project entitled Everlasting Love With an Adult Stable Male, I'm at table 6 and my agents are at table 12!" — Jennifer Aniston, joking about her single status at an awards dinner. [E!]
• "Christina is basically a woman with a God complex that's really going to have to, like, get real. She's going to have to learn to take care of herself as intensely as the patients." — Jada Pinkett Smith, on her character in Hawthorne, who is the only African-American woman to carry an hour-long drama (along with Jill Scott in The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency) since 1974. [NY Times]
• "It's dangerous to bring this up, I talked about him in an interview not long ago, saying that I still love him, and he was like, 'Please stop talking about it.'" — Sienna Miller on Jude Law. [Mirror via Vogue]
• "In some ways, I was waiting for that cyclical swing back. Everything has a time and a space. I feel like something's changing. Especially when Amy Winehouse came out, I'm talking to 17-year-olds that I know, and they're freaking out about her. That's when I thought, things are getting fresh." — singer Maxwell, on his return. [WWD]
• "Amanda's such a hot mess that it's a dream to play her, although now of course people assume I'm a bitch in real life, when I'm actually the least intimidating person around. I sometimes wish I could channel Amanda. I was in a store the other day and the cashier was mean to me. I felt like doing an Amanda and shouting, 'Listen, maybe you should learn to dress better!' but I just couldn't." — Becki Newton, who plays Amanda Tanen on Ugly Betty. [Daily Mail]
• "Family life revolves around Elizabeth. If we decided to go on holiday, the first questions are: can Elizabeth go? Will she be okay? Will she have fun? That's the way it's always been, and that's just fine by me." — Eva Longoria on her 42-year-old sister, who has Down Syndrome but is "highly functional" and graduated high school and is now a special education teacher. [Daily Mail]
• "I was Cornish Gamehen for a while, which was bizarre. But for the last couple years, I have been Meryl Inch — however, there is too much of a debacle going on there these days to continue that. So I have to come up with something creative." — Mandy Moore, on what name she uses when she checks into a hotel. [CNN]
• "Reality is an elusive seductress. I like watching her hips move." — Tori Amos. [Times Of London]

• No plain yearbook headshot for this year's CFDA nominees: Jason Wu, Marc Jacobs, Alexander Wang, et al posed for Craig McDean while wearing their own creations. [WWD]
• Leggings impresario Lindsay Lohan is rumored to be seeking a position as Ungaro's "creative consultant." Designer Esteban Cortazar is allegedly spitting pins. [P6]

• Marc Jacobs, his intended, Lorenzo Martone, and Donna Karan all agree: Nacho Figueras, the Argentine polo champ, is totally hotter than Prince Harry. "Nacho's the sexiest man on earth. Hello," averred Martone. I suggest you look at this picture, and make up your own mind. [The Cut]
• Nicole Farhi, somewhat unsurprisingly, thought she was going to die during a knifepoint robbery outside her home when her two assailants strangled her until she lost consciousness. The trial of the brothers accused of carrying out this and 16 other robberies around London is ongoing. Farhi lost a ring and a Rolex that belonged to her father in the attack. [Telegraph]
• Diane von Furstenberg and Barry Diller have made a $10 million commitment to the High Line project, which is transforming a former elevated railway line into a landscaped mini-park. [NY Times]
• For its couture show this July, Dior is returning to its first-ever store and the site where Christian Dior launched the famous "New Look" collection in 1947. [British Vogue]
• Thakoon Panichgul has launched his slightly lower-priced line, Thakoon Addition. And by slightly, we mean dresses starting around $600. Sigh. [FWD]
• Meanwhile, Gucci has opened its Shanghai flagship store. [WWD]
• How have I only just discovered Erin O'Connor's blog? The British supermodel reports that on her last trip to New York, she overheard a woman ordering a plastic surgeon to give her lips like Erin's, on the grounds that they are "kinda thin enough to look real." Erin and old friend Karen Elson decided to re-start their netball team, and Maggie Rizer apparently has held on to pictures of the three of them in agency housing at the very start of their careers. Her trip through the Met's "Model as Muse" exhibit made her observe: "'Muse,' I thought out loud, is so passé. Surely models no longer exist to amuse as muses? The models I know are collaborators, brand makers and ball breakers!" [British Vogue]
• Izod home furnishings will soon be a thing which you can buy. For what reason, I don't know. [WWD]
• In a diversification that makes slightly more sense, Puma is getting into swimwear. [WWD]
• Ben Westwood is, at 49, slightly too old for the "enfant terrible" label his gallery would give him. (Is it fair to say that after a certain point, you're just plain terrible?) Vivienne Westwood's eldest son thought long and hard about being the child of a celebrity, and decided the best way to represent this unique set of problematic circumstances through art would be to hire fetish models to pose tied up in ropes with the names of famous parents — Bob Geldof, Paula Yates, Keith Allen — and then clumsily Photoshop images of the real progeny's faces over the models' heads. You see, the kids are literally tied up by their heritage. Groan. His show opened in London last week. [Flavour]
• Uniqlo's May same-store sales grew by a whopping 18.3%, proving that in a troubled economy, everyone likes a little cheap cashmere. [WWD]
• And the Japanese retailer is rumored to be interested in taking over Brooks Brothers' old store location at 666 Fifth Avenue. Brooks Brothers consolidated two Midtown stores, and initially Abercrombie & Fitch was to move into the Fifth Avenue space — but when neighboring Hickey Freeman closed because of parent company Hartmarx's bankruptcy, Abercrombie moved there instead. Uniqlo, Topshop, Zara, Forever21 and Century 21 are among those said to be interested in the prime location. Because even now, Fifth Avenue still means sales volume. [NY Post]
• In bankruptcy court, Hartmarx and Emerisque, the private equity firm that wants to buy the bankrupt men's clothier, renegotiated the proposed takeover bid to give more cash to chief creditor Wells Fargo. If the new plan is approved by the judge today, Hartmarx and its factory could remain in operation. [NY Times]

• A Britney Spears/Justin Timberlake duet! In the works! [Page Six]
• Jennifer Garner has confirmed that she is expecting her second child. But you knew that. "It always makes me laugh when people say 'Is she?' 'Isn't she?' It's like eventually you will know, so just chill out for a minute," she says. [People]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt plan on hosting a soirée — as suggested by the mayor (?!?!) in their town in Southern France. They want to get to know the locals and be good neighbors and all that. [Daily Express]
• Matt Damon and his wife welcomed their second daughter into the world on Wednesday. Her name is Gia Zavala Damon. [Reuters]
• Details on Madonna's Sticky & Sweet tour: 100 pairs of out of stock fishnet, pantyhose in old style weave, purchased for Madonna via ebay and local dance shops; 12 traveling trampolines, 3 Romanian gypsy musicians, 1 chiropractor, 1 personal trainer, 1 masseuse. Four sections of the "journey": Pimp, old school, gypsy and rave. [Perez Hilton]
• Hot new L.A. property: Paparazzi-proof condo. [U.S. News & World Report]
• Nasty blind item! "Which two perky Olympian teammates are really bitter rivals? One spiked the other's protein shake with laxatives before a big competition, but her plan backfired when her nemesis not only powered through the competition but beat her so-called friend anyway." [Rush & Molloy]

• Three adult patients died unexpectedly and a teenage patient was raped at Aurora Las Encinas Hospital, the Pasadena psychiatric facility known for its association with celebrity physician Dr. Drew Pinsky. [L.A. Times]
• Is Jodie Foster making nice with her ex-partner, Cydney Bernard, so she doesn't have to pay her $25 million in alimony? [Perez Hilton]
• Lindsay Lohan's bralessness makes headlines. [The Sun]
• Sam and Lindsay "fled the scene" of Sam's birthday party Tuesday night, because there were too many photographers. [Page Six]
• Courtenay Semel, Lindsay's alleged "first girlfriend" wound up in jail in Vegas Tuesday night after a drunken altercation with security. She's dating Tila Tequila now, btw. [Page Six]
• Catherine Zeta-Jones attended the funeral of her grandmother, Zeta, today in Swansea, UK. [The Sun]
• 90210 promo: Shannen Doherty asks, "Miss me?" [ET]
• Tori Spelling on 90201: "As of now there are no plans for me to be on the show. I hope it turns out to be a really great show, just for my dad’s legacy." [People]
• Blake Lively responds to that video clip of America Ferrera rolling her eyes! Blake says: "I haven't even heard about it. I don't ever pay attention to that stuff. She's one of my best friends in the whole world and honestly, when you're sitting in a room for three hours doing satellite interviews — we were staring at a Post-It with a smiley face — so I think I probably rolled my eyes a hundred times." [EW]
• Uh-oh, music mogul Damon Dash owes $7.3 million in mortgage payments on two Manhattan apartments. Foreclosure proceedings have begun! Where is (former Roc-A-Fella Records partner) Jay-Z when you need him? [Rolling Stone]
• Someone's suing Salma and Sami Hayek. Investment deal gone bad. [TMZ]
• Peaches and Bob Geldof have smoothed things over by going for tapas in Majorca. Crimminy. I wish I were in Majorca right now. [The Sun]
• Rhys Ifans started a drunken brawl at gf Kimberley Stewart's birthday party. Apparently some dude tried to chat up Kim, and Rhys screamed: "Fuck off, don't touch my bird! Let's take this outside, you think you're a big man." Haha, wow. [Mirror]
• James McAvoy has landed the lead role in Gnomeo And Juliet, in which he is a garden gnome who falls in love with an ornament. [Mirror]
• Cher helped Bill Clinton celebrate his birthday Monday in Vegas. Do you believe in life after love? [Page Six]
• Is Oprah sick of being on the cover of O magazine? [Page Six]
• An animated Amy Winehouse stars in a new online game called "Escape From Rehab." The goal: To get out of a clinic and rescue Blake Incarcerated from jail. Your weapons: A beehive, a crack pipe and a syringe. Sigh. [The Sun]
• Jason Wahler's upcoming civil trial could dig up some dirt, like his battles with alcohol and substance abuse, his previous arrests and the time he called the plaintiff, a tow-truck driver, the N-word. [E!]
• Angie Harmon and Jason Sehorn: Expecting baby number 3. [AP]
• Jerry Seinfeld will be the new celebrity pitchman for Microsoft and appear in ads with Bill Gates. Will the campaign be better than the Apple commercials with Justin "I'm a Mac" Long? Uh, if by better you mean nerdier, then, yes. [WSJ]
• James Brown's children, the woman who says she's his last wife, and the state of South Carolina are nearing a settlement over the late soul singer's estate. There should be an inheritance for 6-year-old James Brown II, who had to take a DNA test in April. Hopefully, he feels good. [USA Today]
• Gary Glitter returned to Thailand after being refused entry to Hong Kong. He's in some kind of international limbo. [Guardian]
• Coming to theaters August 29: Mamma Mia!: The Sing-Along Edition, with lyric subtitles. Plug your ears or join in! [MSNBC]
• "Mr. President, are you aware/Our flesh and blood is dying over there?/When the coffins come back, do you care?/When only the poor kids die, is it fair?/Don't get me wrong. I respect the flag/But it hurts to see a kid in a body bag/He fought for his country with all he had/Now we have a family without a dad." — LL Cool J's new track, "Mr. President." [Rush & Molloy]
• "I wish I had been nude from the time I was 12 until I was 28. I looked great! I want to tell all young girls to walk around in bikinis all summer — and enjoy it. I want to tell them to never, ever feel bad about anything, because there will be that one day in your 20s when you’ll eat a hamburger and actually see the hamburger on the side of your leg." —Jennifer Love Hewitt. [MSNBC]
• "I love horses. I've learned from them. Once you master a horse — but it also masters you — you gain more confidence in yourself. [Riding horses] has a rhythm that's rather Zen-like. When you can mount it and move it and move along with it, that is a hard-won and very real accomplishment." —Christian Bale. [Yahoo News]
• "I won’t say I’m never going to do drugs again. I just know I’m not a good person on drugs." — Lily Allen. [The Sun]
• "The majority of times I go to the cinema, I want a bit of everything. I want to be challenged intellectually, and then again I don't want to be too challenged intellectually. I believe my wife to be very creative so of course I'm interested in how she thinks, and there seems to be no end to the desire to be creative; I find that invigorating and interesting. You know, you have conversations, some deep, some shallow. That's the same in everybody's relationship." —Guy Ritchie. [Telegraph]
• "I don't think running for office is anything I'm prepared for or could even prepare myself for. I work really long hours and work a lot and have done press tours and junkets, but there is nothing like a presidential campaign that I have experienced before... I think at one point we visited three different cities in one state in 12 hours. It's exhausting." — America Ferrera on campaigning for Hillary Clinton with Chelsea Clinton. [E!]

Now that she's shaved her head, shaved her legs, and waxed her pubes, what's next for Britney Spears? If reports that she went bald to avoid having her hair drug-tested are true, she's got to do something about those eyebrows before some salon aesthetician sells her out to the Los Angeles child-welfare authorities.

Might we suggest Britney follow the example of Bob Geldof in Pink Floyd's The Wall and shave her brows off? Then, she can finally get down to leaving this rock-star business behind and cultivate her drug-fueled breakdown into an imaginary career as a fascist leader.