• Jennifer Lopez "threw a fit" when guests were late to her 40th birthday bash:

"An Evening With Lola" was supposed to be perfect — Lola is Marc Anthony's nickname for Lopez, and she entered the party to the song "Whatever Lola Wants." Bu there were empty seats when the dinner started and Jennifer was "fuming." [Gatecrasher]

• Rihanna and Chris Brown: In the same NYC hotel for about two days. "It was just a coincidence" and they never saw each other. [NY Post]
• Jon Gosselin: "I care about Kate Major, she resigned from her job for me. Right now, my focus is on my relationship with my kids. My personal relationship is private." [E!]
• But! Jon says: "At this point ... I'm single – per se. I'm just a regular guy who just wants to have friendship and good times. And I like meeting people." Uh, what? What about Hailey Glassman? "She's always a good friend of mine. Her family is so good. They took me in and I lived there for a while. I love them to death." Okay, so are you together? "We are going to chill out for a while and see where it takes us. I'm not looking for anyone." And what about Kate 2.0? We are just friends." [People]
• Jon shopped Madison Avenue and spent $950 on one pair of shoes. [Page Six]
• Kate Hudson! Alex Rodriguez! Kissing! At Yankee Stadium! [NY Daily News]
• Were Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart forced to be apart at Comic-Con, since the focus was supposed to be on Kristen and Taylor Lautner instead? [E!]
• It's official: Nadya Suleman has signed a reality show deal and each of her 14 kids will earn $250 a day. Taping begins September 1. [Us Magazine]
• Kate Moss has signed up to be a judge on Simon Cowell's new battle of the bands show, which attempts to discover an unsigned group. [Mirror]
• Carly Simon was a surprise guest (via speakerphone) at Simon Cowell's 50th birthday on Saturday and joked that "You're So Vain" was about him. [The Sun]
• Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul are still trying to wring more money out of American Idol. [LA Times]
• David Beckham had yet another confrontation with a fan during a Los Angeles Galaxy match; this time some dude allegedly dissed Victoria. "What he was saying about my wife was a disgrace," Bekcham says. [BBC News]
• Because he doesn't have more pressing things to worry about, Amy Winehouse's father Mitch has recorded an album with some Frank Sinatra covers and his own songs. [The Sun]
• Now that they're divorced, Blake Fielder-Civil is talking about the time Amy almost died in his arms from a drug overdose. [Daily Mail]
• LeAnn Rimes and husband Dean Sheremet are separated. This news comes right after last week's Midweek Madness revelation that LeAnn and Eddie Cibrian are still having an affair. Eddie's wife says she and her husband are "taking some time apart." So make of it what you will. [Us Magazine]
• Dean's Twitter reads: "Thanks to everyone for all the support through a very difficult time!" [People]
• If you want to read some "what went wrong?" speculation about LeAnn and Dean's relationship, go ahead. [People]
• Robert Plant was in a car crash but he's okay. [Telegraph
• Orlando Bloom has decided not to appear in the next Pirates of the Caribbean film; because everything "tied up nicely for his character Will Turner." [Daily Mail]
• Farrah Fawcett left her estate — a couple of million dollars — to her son, Redmond, but nothing to her "long-term lover" Ryan O'Neal. [Daily Mail]
• PETA hearts Hayden Panettiere. [Page Six]
• BREAKING: Adrian Grenier buys drinks for ladies. [Page Six]
• Candy Spelling is communicating with Tori Spelling via TMZ now. [TMZ]
• Leslie Mann says being married to Judd Apatow has its perks: "I haven't had to audition in a while. I'm the worst auditioner ever. And no, I didn't have to audition for [Funny People]." [USA Today]
• Michael Jackson's "secret Norwegian love child" claims his mom was employed at Neverland as a nanny; while his dad was a driver. Sing: The kid is not my son. [Daily Mail]
• "Michael Jackson's strenuous rehearsal schedule was causing him to lose 5-6 pounds a day, according to his nurse Cherilyn Lee." [MSNBC]
• Ugh: Seems like Dr. Conrad Murray gave Michael Jackson Propofol, left the room, and when he returned, Michael was dead. He did CPR, but it didn't work. Paramedics wanted to pronounce MJ dead at the house but Dr. Murray wanted him taken to the hospital, where even after doctors gave up, Dr. Murray continued CPR. Strange behavior for a doc. And if all this is true then OK! had a picture of a dead body on its cover. [TMZ, TMZ]
• Dr. Tohme Tohme has revealed that he has turned over "secret" money given to him by Michael Jackson for the purchase of a home in Las Vegas. [Mirror]
• Peter Jackson says he's about 3 or 4 weeks away from turning in a draft of a script for The Hobbit. [LA Times]
• Something about Katherine Heigl and her costar's penis, in that romcom that came in well below the guinea pig movie at the box office this weekend. [E!]
• True Blood season 3 teases at the link. [EW]
• Plus! True Blood video: Anna Paquin, Alexander Skarsgård, and Stephen Moyer speaking in their real accents. [EW]
• For next year, Lost is bringing back characters from season one. "Just trust us," executive producer Carlton Cuse asks. [Reuters]
• Meet the new Real Housewife Of Atlanta: Kandi Burruss. [CNN]
• Protect your ears: Carrie Prejean sings. [TMZ]
• Javier Bardem turned down the role in Oliver Stone's Wall Street sequel, and now Josh Brolin is being offered the part. [Deadline Hollywood]
• "Is John Travolta cracking up? It's not just grief - and guilt - over his dead son that are tearing the actor apart." [Daily Mail]
• Boy George was blocked from becoming a Hare Krishna because of his homosexuality… in the late '80s. [Daily Express]
• It's too early for a Joe Francis video about bribing and girls. [TMZ]
• "Rachel Hunter is leaving Los Angeles and returning home to New Zealand to get over being dumped just weeks before her wedding," [Daily Express]
• Billy Bob Thornton's estranged daughter: Free on bail. [UPI]
• An arrest has been made in connection to the death of American Idol contestant Alexis Cohen. [TMZ]
• Katie "Jordan" Price didn't get a role as a "naturally sexy" large-breasted Irish nanny in the Sex And The City movie sequel. [The Sun]
• Retro gossip: Bob Dylan wanted to make sure he got paid when he did a screen test for Andy Warhol. [Page Six]
• HBO scored highest among 15 networks for its representation of gay characters last season, according to a report released today. [AP]
• "I've hugged those breasts. There aren't many people who can say that." — Allison Janney on Dolly Parton. [Page Six]
• "It feels really good to be able to buy a place by myself. It is time for me to move. I have lived in a condo and it's just time. I've always wanted to buy a big house myself and it is so gratifying to be able to." — Kim Kardashian. [People]
• "Surgery was a success, now I just have to let it heal. I am totally jazzed that they found the problem, fixed it and in about four months my hand will feel like I am 18 again." — Eddie Van Halen. [UPI]
• "I didn't want to act. It wasn't like I was waiting in the wings, like All About Eve. It was a refuge, and I found to my surprise that I liked these people." — Hugh Dancy. [NY Times]
• "Years ago one of my mentors, Orson Welles, told me, 'A career is made not by what you do but by what you don't do.' But so much about these past few years has been about saying yes, and it's really paid off." — Cybill Shepherd, who will play a former witch on the new ABC series Eastwick, based on The Witches Of Eastwick. [NY Times]
• "I always look at a script and say, 'Can I do my thing? Can I pop?' If it's a small part, can I pop, can I make an impact with this part? . . . I don't want to be pegged as something definitive. I want to be chameleon-like." — Kyra Sedgwick. [LA Times]
• "She's so smart we wanted her to find a cure for AIDS or something. We were pretty firm about her finishing her education but when we saw how talented she was we finally said okay." — Blythe Danner on wanting daughter Gwyneth Paltrow to do something other than acting. [Daily Express]
• "I was student council president. I even had my own office. I was a cheerleader, too. I found out about cheerleader camp and heard that there were about six guys and 3,000 girls, so I signed up. It was a precursor for a rock-and-roll career." — what Chris Isaak was like in high school. [WaPo]
• "If we're going to do a Rescue Me movie, and I joked about this a couple of years ago when they brought it up … and I said, 'What if we do a Rescue Me movie, so it's the Rescue Me cast, but they're not firefighters and it's a zombie movie.' And they were like, 'What?' And I was like: 'How cool would that be? It's the Rescue Me cast, but it's a zombie movie.' And they were like, 'No.' And I was like, 'Well, that's the only way I'm doing it.' Like 'Shaun of the Dead, like a funny, real scary zombie movie. … They didn't go for it." — Denis Leary. [UPI]
• "No one in my family watches it. My wife, my mum, my sisters; they've never watched it. I don't think it even occurs to them." — Dominic West, on The Wire. [Telegraph]
• "The No. 1 demographic of high school dropouts are Latino women. I know there are economic factors for why young Latinos are so undereducated, but it also starts with what we place importance on as a culture. We have to empower the next generation to accept education as a way up, and I believe you have to start with the women so they can pass it on to their kids." — America Ferrara, at a commencement speech for Kaplan University. [UPI]
• "I kicked some major butt. It was many, many, hours, days, and months of stunt training and strength training, but it's fun because I had a goal. The goal was the Lycra catsuit." — Scarlett Johansson on preparing for her "unforgiving" Black Widow costume. [People]

• Rihanna has a new song, with guest vocals by Lady GaGa, titled Silly Boy. Kanye West posted it online, and the lyrics are:

"I said I'm not coming back. You fooled me once but you can't have that ego turning… Cause you had a good girl, good girl, girl. That's a keeper. You had a good girl, good girl but didn't know how to treat her… So silly boy get out my face. Why do you like the way regrets taste?" Maybe I'm old, but the vocals sound like they were performed by a GPS unit on a dashboard. [The Sun]

• Wow. Eminem is flying 200 laid-off Toledo auto workers to L.A. to be on Jimmy Kimmel Live May 15. The idea is to "put a face on" the plight of American auto workers. [Toledo Free Press]
• Tourism peeps in St. Lucia are still glad Amy Winehouse performed, even though her set at the St. Lucia Jazz Festival was cut short because of rain. Uh, didn't she walk off the stage? [Yahoo News via AP]
• Madonna is so over Yankee Alex Rodriguez, she took her kids to a Mets game. Burn! [Page Six]
• Although Brooke Shields is calling Kiefer Sutherland a "gentleman," this report notes that one of his former co-stars claims he would "go to the bar immediately after he'd finish working. He'd sit there for hours, putting them back. When it was time to go home, he'd be cantankerous and ornery. He was not a pleasant drunk." Now he faces a $1,000 fine and a year in jail in L.A. for violating his DUI probation. [Gatecrasher]
• Heidi Klum and Seal renewed their wedding vows in a "white trash" wedding, and reporter Rosemary Black writes, "Why is it still PC to make fun of a huge segment of the Caucasian population that is frequently low income and under-educated?" [NY Daily News]
• Will Kara DioGuardi return for another season of American Idol? Seems like she doesn't even know: "I hope I'm here for another season," she says, "but I haven't been asked yet." [Gatecrasher]
• After his stint on Saturday Night Live, Justin Timberlake had dinner with girlfriend Jessica Biel and father Randy Timberlake, who "seemed really proud of him." Aww. [Page Six]
• A lady who works at a St. Louis beauty salon found the Twilight sequel script in the trash outside of a hotel. She returned the New Moon pages to the studio and has been invited to the premiere. [Breitbart]
• The National Enquirer says that Kevin Federline wants more cash from Britney: He currently gets about $40,000 a month but "can't afford the rent, his help, the food and the booze it takes to keep up (his home)." According to a source. [MSNBC]
• Speaking of Britney, Sam Lutfi may have to pay her legal fees from the courtroom battle over the restraining order; that's about $123,142. Not to mention the $72,292 her lawyers are going to try and squeeze out of Adnan Ghalib. [People]
• How will the show Jon & Kate Plus 8 — the fifth season of which premieres in two weeks — deal with the "scandal" its star, Jon Gosselin is involved in? [MSNBC]
• Oh, no. No no no no. Jennifer Aniston wants to be on Mad Men. "I like Mad Men," says Jennifer. "I would love to be in that, it's great. I love the era. I would love it if they offered me a role." But, but, that's part of the charm! That there are no "stars," except for the ones the show created! Sniff. Sob. [Daily Express]
• These drunk pix allegedly caused the marriage of Katie "Jordan" Price and Peter Andre to disintegrate. The "mystery man" makes my gaydar ping, though. [The Sun]
• On Celebrity Apprentice, Joan Rivers sniped that Annie Duke was "worse than Hitler; Hitler never had PMS." Now Rivers says: "It's just an expression. But I stand behind it." [CNN]
• This paper says Joan Rivers is "forever the comeback kid." [NY Daily News]
• In this video interview from August, Farrah Fawcett talks about her terminal cancer: "It's much easier to go through something and deal with it without being under a microscope. It was stressful. I was terrified of getting the chemo. It's not pleasant. And the radiation is not pleasant. It becomes your life. People call, 'How are you?' 'How do you feel?' 'We're praying for you.' 'Do you still have your hair?' 'What do you feel like?' When every single call is that kind of call… it's all you talk about. It's all-consuming. Then, your quality of life is never the same." [LA Times]
• In this video, Farrah Fawcett's friend Alana Stewart talks about the "cutting edge" treatment FF received in Germany. [ET]
• Ryan O'Neal recalls the moment he knew Farrah Fawcett was really really sick; they were walking on the beach: "We used to take that walk all the time to the rocks and back. And halfway there she stopped and said, 'Can we go back?' And Red and I looked at each other and we knew…" Also, Farrah doesn't realize son Redmond visits the house in shackles, since he is currently serving a jail sentence. "When you go in to her," Ryan tells Redmond, "don't rattle your chains." Ryan told Today's Meredith Vieira, "She doesn't know... she just holds him." [People]
• The Gossip Girl spinoff, possibly now called Lily and not Valley Girls, appears to be BACK ON. [NY Mag]
• Heidi Montag Pratt has a new video, which involves writhing in a bikini. Also breaking: The sky is blue. [Perez]
• In this interview with Depeche Mode, Martin Gore talks about giving up drinking and Andy Fletcher comments on the band's 30th year of being together: "I think at first when we found out it was going to be 30 years, I think it was, 'Oh my God, how embarrassing. We're really old!' But I think now we've really got our heads around it, and I think it's something to be actually proud of." [CNN]
• Yoko Ono has unveiled a John Lennon exhibit at New York City's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Annex. Included is a billboard featuring Lennon's blood-splattered glasses that marked the 30th anniversary of his death. Ono says: "I thought I might be criticized for it.. But it's very important now for people to understand what violence is about." [USA Today]
• Congrats to SNL star Maya Rudolph, who is expecting baby number 2. [People]
• Ooh, Rachel Weisz is in talks to play one of my faves, Hedy Lamarr, in a flick called Face Value. Lamarr was not only a screen siren but an accomplished scientist; she created a method of changing frequencies which is the key to modern wireless communication — which will be the subject of the film. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Dermot Mulroney will make his directorial debut, Keep It Together, a comedy/drama about "love and divorce." Christopher Walken and Blythe Danner in negotiations to join the cast! [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Scott Speedman is in Atom Egoyan's film Adoration as a tow truck driver: "The guy teaching me didn't realize I was an actor doing it for a movie. He yelled at me up and down. I didn't use a tow double, even though I'm sure they had one at the ready." [USA Today]
• Every anniversary, Tori Spelling's husband slips a new diamond ring on her finger and this year it is a white diamond and a yellow diamond and blah blah blah being rich is awesome. [People]
• Trudie Styler, who co-founded the Rainforest Foundation, flew her hairstylist from New York to Washington, DC, last weekend on a private jet to do her hair and makeup for the White House Correspondents' Dinner. [Page Six]
• Mark Landon, eldest son of Michael Landon, has died at age 60. [Yahoo News via AP]
• The Simpsons stamp could become the nation's most popular stamp, knocking Elvis out of the top spot! [NY Post]
• Blind item! "Which buxom B-list pinup only helps out charities that ply her with cocaine?" [Gatecrasher]
• "How would you like being a young actor walking into a casting agent and the first thing they say is, 'Leave!' " — Liev Schreiber on NPR on the way people used to mispronounce his name. [Page Six]
• "As a mother, you have to read your kids a lot of these books, so it's fun to get involved in the process. I've had such a good time with this. This book is about becoming self aware and that realization in childhood. The title is my nickname, and I hated my nickname when I was seven years old. At that age, I tried to get rid of my freckles and I hated dodgeball - I still hate dodgeball." — Julianne Moore, at a reading of her second children's book, Freckleface Strawberry and the Dodgeball Bully. [WWD]
• "When David and I got to the first shoot we were both standing in our bathrobes, looking at each other and saying, 'Okay, who's going to drop their dressing gown first?' It can be a little intimidating standing half-naked in a studio full of strangers, so it's good to have the support of each other, reassuring and encouraging one another. David is always incredibly supportive of everything I do. I never used to go to the gym before working with Armani – but if you're going to be photographed in your bra and knickers you want to look as good as you can… I still work out every day. I drop the kids at school, and from the school I go to the gym and do the miles on the treadmill. I have worked hard, and if you are going to agree to be photographed in underwear you have to put the hours in, so when you turn up on the day and take off your robe you feel confident that you can do the job. As a 35-year-old mother of three, I'm looking okay." — Victoria Beckham. [The Sun]

• Meryl Streep was giddy after winning her SAG award, so Alec Baldwin asked her if she'd be on 30 Rock. She said yes! [Gatecrasher]

• Lindsay Lohan is eating, says Lindsay Lohan's publicist. [Page Six]
• When you think of The Hills, do you think of birth control? Lo Bosworth is now the face of Yaz in Canada, doing interviews about how the drug can reduce headaches and cramps during your period. [PR Week]
• Fervidus! Daniel Radcliffe has invited Sasha and Malia Obama for a tour of the Harry Potter set! [Daily Mail]
• Madonna is in Palm Beach, Florida for the Winter Equestrian Festival. She was mostly unrecognized as she watched professional show-jumpers for two hours wearing dark glasses and a baseball cap with, uh, Madonna on it. [Page 2 Live]
• BTW: Madonna and A-Rod are back on. [Page Six]
• David Beckham is being sued by a photographer who was "roughed up" by one of the soccer star's bodyguards last month. Apparently the snapper's camera was thrown in a trash can and the bodyguards punched him. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Uh-oh: Tension in the marriage as David Beckham wants to move to Italy and Victoria is reluctant to uproot the kids. [Daily Mail]
• Brad Pitt says he won't look as good as Benjamin Button when he gets older: "I doubt gravity and time will be that kind." [Mirror]
• In this video, John Mayer inspires John Mayer. He also references The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button, which Jennifer Aniston should love. [The Superficial]
• Heath Ledger has joined Elvis Presley and Paul Newman on a list of celebrities who have earned as much as or more after death as they did when alive. His estate earned $30.1 million last year. [News.com.au]
• The Times of London has advice for Kate Winslet, should she win an Oscar. She ought to say "Blimey!" a lot, make some jabs at other actresses, allow a tear to roll down her cheek and also: "Gather. Gather." [Times of London]
• Food fight! Mario Batali has banned Gordon Ramsay from his restaurants. "He goes about town calling me Fanta Pants," Batali fumed. [Page Six]
• George Clooney and his dad, veteran journalist Nick Clooney, were quippy before a screening of the 2005 film Good Night And Good Luck in D.C. Nick said: "Never cared for this kid! His sister's great." George shot back: "I always wanted to be adopted, couldn't find anyone." [AP,People]
• Kevin Federline will not, repeat, not be on Dancing With The Stars. Even though he used to be a backup dancer. You may now return to your regularly scheduled ennui. [People]
• Donnie Osmond might be on Dancing With The Stars. Yawn. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Now that Jeremy Piven has been replaced by William H. Macy in Speed-The-Plow on Broadway, the New York Times' Ben Brantley actually enjoys it. [NY Times]
• Will Jennifer Lopez head to Broadway? She'd have to be able to sing, right? [Page Six]
• Girl crush Penelope Cruz: Moving to New York! "After a number of years in Los Angeles, I no longer want to live here, It will be better if I share my time between New York and Madrid, where my family is," she says. Woody Allen may have influenced this choice. [AP]
• Also moving: Robbie Williams, from L.A. back to the UK. [Daily Mail]
• Mischa Barton is dating another musician: After Cisco Adler and Rooney's Taylor Locke, she's now with Luke Pritchard from The Kooks. [Daily Mail]
• Price slash! Dylan McDermott's house is now $2 million less. Could be yours, for $9 mil. [TMZ]
• Oh dear: Lost's Josh Holloway, aka Sawyer, isn't totally comfortable with you gawking at his shirtless body: "The whole sex-symbol thing is really strange. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. I appreciate the opportunity to work, the cash it gives you, and other things it provides are wonderful. But the celebrity thing... I don't like attention. Like anybody, it's impossible not to feel self-conscious if someone's looking at you all the time, everywhere you go." [MSNBC]
• This won't surprise you: Governor Rod Blagojevich wouldn't let the stylists at The View touch his hair before he went on the air. [MSNBC Scoop]
• The British papers can't stop making fun of Chelsy Davy's fake tan. She does look rather… orange. [Daily Mail]
• Teri Hatcher voices the mother in stop-animation flick Coraline; she says: "As a mom, [a kid-friendly film] is sort of a goal you want to check off your list." [WWD]
• ABC has six nominations for the GLAAD awards, with Brothers & Sisters, Ugly Betty and Desperate Housewives among the contenders. Films nominated include Milk, Vicky Cristina Barcelona and Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. [AP]
• Fabolous and his entourage drank oodles of champagne at a tapas bar in Atlanta, but all of the rapper's credit cards were declined. Maybe they take bling? [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which aging rock star attempted to have a rhinoplasty — but was deemed an unsuitable candidate because he’s still frequently using Colombia’s finest?" [Gatecrasher]
• A PETA ad got pulled from the Super Bowl for being too sexual. [Page Six]
• Director and transcendental meditation enthusiast David Lynch is plotting a "global benefit concert" to raise funds to teach meditative techniques to schoolkids. Involved: Paul McCartney, Moby, Sheryl Crow, Eddie Vedder and Donovan. Lynch says: "Every child should have one class period a day to dive within himself and experience the field of silence-bliss - the enormous reservoir of energy and intelligence that is deep within all of us." [Guardian]
• In an interview with the awesome Stockard Channing, about her role in Pal Joey on Broadway, she talks about singing famous tune "Betwitched, Bothered and Bewildered": "Once I got over my fear of it — because Frank Sinatra, Mel Torme, you name it, had sung this song — when it became just a dramatic moment, I could feel it, and I really love it because it is a little soliloquy." [Playbill]
• UK chat show host Eamonn Holmes has ripped American celebs: "Rihanna, for example, is a beautiful girl, but if she was your daughter, you’d give her a slap and tell her to wise up." And! "Apparently, you just can’t talk to [Solange] about being Beyoncé’s sister and knowing Beyoncé I thought ‘So why are you here, love?’" [Daily Mail]
• Hilary Swank and Minnie Driver will star in Betty Anne Waters, a legal drama in which Swank plays an unemployed single mother whose brother is convicted of murder-robbery. Waters spends 10 years working on law degrees and working on her brother's case; Driver plays her law school friend. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Best wishes to Mariska Hargitay, who's back at work, two weeks after suffering a partially collapsed lung. [ET via People]
• Kanye West says it hurts when 50 Cent talks shit about him: "For me as a fan of him, I felt like if he said something negative and tried to make it like I’m negative, it’s almost like if a little kid walks up to you at the airport and is like, 'Man, I love you so much,' and then you spit on him. It’s like, 'I don’t know if I love you as much as I used to,' as you wipe the spit off your face, but you still play their music." [MSNBC]
• Actress Emma Roberts is 17, well-read and full of hope. She likes David Sedaris and Chuck Palahniuk and says: "I'd love to have a really nice boyfriend. I would love to have been to Paris. I've never been. I'd love to have my own photography coffee-table book. And I'd love to get my license. It's been a catastrophe. I got my permit the first try and went to get my license and failed. Then my permit expired. I just got my permit again a couple of weeks ago, so hopefully I'll get my license soon." [USA Today]
• Remember Christopher Atkins from The Blue Lagoon? He says he was almost cast as the lead in Footloose. Everything could have been different. [UPI]
• A jury will tour Phil Spector's mansion as part of the final phases of Spector's second murder trial. [AP]
• "Gwyneth has got something like 800 people that have joined. I hope I can get a membership!" — Blythe Danner on her daughter's new gym. [Gatecrasher]

• The country's most famous teen mom, Bristol Palin, will have a boy around December 20th with fiance Levi Johnston. The as-yet-unnamed kiddie already killed a moose with his bare hands in utero. [Page Six]

• Though he persistently claims that he's not a Scientologist, Will Smith gave $122,500 to various Scientologist organizations. It's worth noting that a tax deductible $122,500 for Smith is like twenty buckies to us normal folks. That lady who does Bart Simpson's voice gave the Scientologists $10 million one time! [Perez]
• Last week Paula Abdul was going on and on to Barbara Walters about how Simon Cowell and the producers of American Idol deliberately made her face her stalker, Paula Godspeed, the woman who eventually killed herself outside Abdul's house. Cowell says otherwise: "All [Paula Abdul had] to say is ‘Stop filming, I need to speak with the producers.’ That didn’t happen [during Godspeed's audition]. But I only remember from what I saw [in news clips],” Simon says. [People]
• Jeremy Piven is leaving the David Mamet show Speed the Plow months before the end of its scheduled run. His flack claims that it's because Piven's discovered he has a high level of mercury, to which Mamet responded, "My understanding is that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer.” [NYT]
• The shooting death of Mark Ruffalo's brother Scott has officially been ruled a homicide by Los Angeles police. [TMZ]
• Earlier this week, Madonna's flack Liz Rosenberg issued a report that Guy Ritchie had received in the neighborhood of $80 million dollars in the couple's divorce. Almost immediately afterwards, Madonna and Guy said that that Liz was a big liar and that her statement was "misleading" and "inaccurate." Today, Liz is covering her ass with a new announcement from the couple: "A misleading and inaccurate statement, specifically in relation to the sums of money involved, was wrongly issued to AP this week. The financial details of the settlement will remain private, save to say that both of us are happy with our agreement. Our primary concern, like any co-parents, is the care and well being of our children." [Jossip]
• Richard Dreyfuss is suing his father and uncle for nearly $4 million in unpaid loans. It's going to be a FUN Christmas at the Dreyfuss house! [The Star UK]
• More family feuding: Whitney Houston's step-mother is suing her for money she claims Whitney improperly kept after Houston's father, John, died in 2003. [AP via Yahoo News]
• Like mother-in-law Blythe Danner earlier this week, Chris Martin is disavowing divorce rumors. "I'm trying to think of when the last bit of bad news was. Well there hasn't been anything for a while. I'm supposed to be getting divorced but those things aren't happening so don't really count as bad news," the Coldplay star says. [Contact Music]
• A foreclosure company has stepped in to help pay Ed McMahon's mortgage, so the aging star won't get booted from his posh Orange County digs. [TMZ]
• Aw, Dustin Hoffman is a proud papa: "[MY kids] get mad at me for telling everyone about their accomplishments or for finding cute girls for my sons. But even though they love to hate me for it or cruelly imitate me, I can't stop bragging. They are my true credits." [Page Six]
• Stars are sharing their worst xmas presents ever with Cindy Adams. ""My most awful present as a teenager was a calculator," Michelle Williams said. "Every year I seemed to get the same stupid thing from a relative. I never used one of them." [Cindy Adams]
• Will Ferrell is going to play George W. on Broadway as a not-so-fond farewell to our 43rd President. The review will be called "You're Welcome, America: A Final Night With George W. Bush," and hits the B'way on January 20th. [NYDN]
• Eminem may keep a low profile these days, but don't worry, he's still the same old asshole. He tells Esquire, "I'm a T-shirt guy now. But wifebeaters won't go out of style, not as long as bitches keep mouthing off." [Esquire]
• Here's what Nick Cannon ex Christina Milian had to say about Cannon's marriage to Mariah Carey: “I was surprised like everyone else. I was like, ‘Really?’ It just seemed like a weird match, but I was happy for him. I always feel Nick works hard to get what he wants, whether that be women—that’s how he got me.” And then Mariah came in and shanked her with a giant enamel butterfly. [Just Jared]
• Emma Watson is worth $20 million and she still takes the subway. "I have a more normal life than people expect. When I take public transport, people are like, 'That girl looks like the girl from Harry Potter, but it can't be her on the tube.'"So then she takes out her Quidditch broomstick and shows them a thing or two. [USA Today]
• In a last ditch effort for popcultural relevancy, it looks like the new 90210 is mining an old feud for ratings: Brenda vs. Kelly. "Now that it's out that Brenda's been boinking Kelly's boyfriend Ryan (that whore!), the tension is most assuredly building up to a bona fide Kelly-Brenda smackdown." Dramz! [E! Online]
• Laura Bryan used to be married to Hootie and the Blowfish guitarist Mark Bryan. They divorced, and she just got remarried…to Hootie and the Blowfish drummer Jim Sonefeld. There's a blowfish joke to be made here but I'm not up for it this early in the morning. [WaPo]
• Tennis star Lindsay Davenport is expecting her second child. "Of course, this unexpected but exciting surprise now means I will be putting tennis on hold for the foreseeable future," Davenport says. [UPI]
• Eddie Murphy will play the Riddler in the next Batman movie alongside Christian Bale's broody hero. [Telegraph]
• 16-year-old Frances Bean Cobain is checking out a $6.5 million New York City pad. It must be said: if Courtney Love were your mother, wouldn't you want to live across the continent? [NYP]
• Though the fourth installment of the Terminator movies has not even hit screens yet, producers are already gearing up for a Terminator 5. Action hack Christian Bale is already locked in for the distant fifth Terminator movie. Let us reiterate: please drop that damn breathy hero voice Christian! We can't take you seriously when you talk like a low rent Darth Vader! [UPI]

I'm sure that the privileged circumstances of her birth have nothing to do with her charmed life, and that the average Jane is just experiencing woes because she's "passive." It's all about being assertive, people. Gwyneth continues in her inane opening salvo on GOOP: "Over the years I have tried lots of different things. I have made lots of mistakes. But I have figured some things out in the process and I would like to share them with you. Whether you want a good place to eat in London, some advice on where to stay in Austin, the recipe I made up this week, or some thoughts from one of my sages, GOOP is a little bit of everything that makes up my life." Lady, you should take your macrobiotic recipes with their expensive ingredients and shove them up your yogariffic ass. Talk about tone deaf! Debuting this website the week after a stock market crash shows that Paltrow is about as publicly savvy as Marie Antoinette.

Behind The Gwyneth Paltrow Backlash [LAT]

• Gwen Stefani gave birth yesterday! The baby boy, Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale, weighed 8 1/2 lbs. Yes, "Nesta" was Bob Marley's middle name. Gwen and Gavin's other kid, Kingston, is named after a town in Jamaica. See the trend? [People]
• Newly pregnant: Melanie "Sporty Spice" Chisholm. The dad is maybe probably property developer Thomas Starr, whom Mel has been seeing for six years. [The Sun]
• Makeup mogul Bobbi Brown has been named as a New Jersey delegate for the Democratic convention to support Barack Obama. She's done Michelle's makeup! She'll be giving delegates goody bags in Denver. [NY Mag]
• Teri Hatcher's former uncle through marriage, Richard Hayes Stone, had been serving a 14-year jail sentence for child molestation when he died Tuesday of colon cancer. Hatcher helped put Stone behind bars after she heard of a teen suicide involving a girl who knew Stone; Teri also revealed she'd been molested by Stone as a child as well. [Perez Hilton]
• Michael Phelps was seen making out with Aussie swimmer Stephanie Rice. They "swapped spit" at a party and then posed together for Speedo, "laughing and groping" each other. Olympic heat! [Page Six]
• No one wants to see Katie Holmes on Broadway. [MSNBC]

• Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood, 61, is still torn between his wife, 53, and his Russian lover, 20, whom he calls a "slut." He's currently battling booze in rehab. [The Sun]
• Despite the unexpected deaths of three patients and the rape of a teenage girl, Dr. Drew insists that Aurora Las Encinas is "an excellent hospital." As for the deaths and the rape, he says, "My heart is broken about these cases." While Drew Pinsky is the co-medical director of the chemical dependency program, he says of Las Encinas: "It's not my hospital." [LA Times]
• The Gossip Girl girls wearing My Fair Lady costumes. [Just Jared]
• Rihanna is number one on the charts, keeping American Idol alum David Archuleta from taking the top spot. [Reuters]
• Haha, this story is ridiculous: "Presumably Rihanna hoped that donning a wacky pair of boots would divert attention away from her latest romantic outing with lover Chris Brown." [The Sun]
• 50 Cent has met with officials regarding the fire that destroyed the house his baby mama and son were living in. The case is under investigation; what do you think they will find? [Perez Hilton]
• Jay-Z's new track, "Jockin' Jay-Z," has lyrics about Noel Gallagher: "That bloke from Oasis said I couldn’t play guitar/ Someone shoulda told him I’m a muthafucking rock star/ Today is gonna be the day that I’m gonna throw it back to you/ I’m living life as a rocker…" So current! [The Sun]
• Casting scoops on fall TV shows: Blythe Danner will guest star on Medium; there are two new peeps on Lost; James Cromwell is joining My Own Worst Enemy, that Christian Slater thriller. [EW]
• So you know how Courtenay Semel, Lindsay Lohan's former "roommate" and Tila Tequila's girlfriend, went to jail in Vegas on Wednesday? She was trying to get into a club with a passport and a California I.D., one of which was not in her name. She was detained by security and ended up hitting a guard on the back of the head. She can pay a fine or go in front of a judge. She should probably just shell out the cash. [Yahoo News, via E!]
• Sharon Osbourne has been approached to publish a work of fiction loosely based on her dealings with reality TV contests. A source says: "She wants it to be a Jackie Collins-inspired romp, something shocking, saucy and witty - and a chick lit hit." [Mirror]
• Peaches Geldof's first week of married life involved seeing her husband's band play a gig. [Mirror]
• A lady thought that Lily Tomlin was cutting down trees on her property and called the cops but it turned out she was wrong and Lily Tomlin was having trees cut on her own damn property and the lady was just an alarmist. [LA Times]
• A dig at Amy Winehouse won funniest joke of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Here is comedian Zoe Lyons' joke: "I can't believe Amy Winehouse self-harms. She's so irritating she must be able to find someone to do it for her." [The Star]
• Prepare yourself: Paris Hilton is coming out with something called The Bandit, which is "he first interchangeable hair extension headband." Act accordingly. [E!]
• Holy crap, this Jean-Claude Van Damme mockumentary sounds kind of awesome: JCVD plays himself in the midst of a hostage situation in his native Belgium. [Reuters]
• Pete Doherty has a new girlfriend. She's 18 and her name is Matilda. She says: "My mum made me attend alcohol counseling because I started drinking so much. Pete drinks a LOT and I feel like I have to keep up, but it's hard." [Mirror]
• Headline of the day: "Did Jackie Kennedy's Jealous Lover Order The Assassination Of Her Beloved Brother-In-Law Bobby?" [Daily Mail]
• Gary Glitter update: He's on his way to the UK, where he'll be met by police and placed on the sex offenders' register. [Guardian]
• The California Supreme Court has refused to take up the case in a bitter legal dispute between the three surviving members of The Doors. This is the end. Beautiful friend. This is the end. [AP]
• "I've kissed just three people in my life, other than stuff I've done for TV or movies. I grew up with the mindset that after work you go to dinner and watch a movie. I don't want to go to a club and not wear panties." —20-year-old Blake Lively, star of Gossip Girl. [Independent]

• Seriously? The White House Correspondents dinner must not be what we think it is, because Pamela Anderson, Lauren Conrad and Perez Hilton (and Donatella Versace) are invited. [ONTD]
  
• Newly-engaged Ashlee Simpson says her sister Jessica is "overflowing with joy" and dad Joe has given her and fiancé Pete Wentz his blessing. [People]
  
• Lily Allen was kicked out of the men's room at a club in London — and she was with Razorlight singer Johnny Borrell. [Mirror]
  
• Kate Hudson on PhotoShopping: "I just tend to let those things go. I can't tell you how many covers of magazines I've been on when my eyes were blue. I don't have blue eyes. I have green eyes. So, you just kind of go with it, you know, it's like it is, what it is and that's what people do, you know." [The Star]
  
• A tabloid editor says Jay-Z and Beyoncé's wedding only made the cover of one weekly magazine because "African-Americans don't sell covers." [Gatecrasher]

• "Just good friends" Chris Brown and Rihanna were seen "hugging and dancing" at a birthday party. [Page Six]
• Madonna is expected to appear in court in Malawi in 2 weeks for a final ruling on her adoption. We all know it's gonna happen, right? She's had that kid since 2006. [Reuters]
• An Indian pandit — which is like some kinda spiritual teacher — will travel to Mexico to bless Heidi Klum and hubs Seal on their third wedding anniversary, May 10. Damn, they're so international! [Times Of India]
• Paul McCartney is going on a huge world tour in the fall, and the always-classy UK papers are calling it the "divorce tour." [Mirror]
• Heather Mills said of Paul on morning TV: "I think he's got three different girlfriends so I wish all the girls the best of luck. Better them than me." [Mirror]
• Paula Abdul's boyfriend "isn't too invested" in the relationship and "flirts with a lot of women." [MSNBC]
• Gwyneth Paltrow's mom, Blythe Danner, is swearing up and down that Gwynnie and Chris Martin are happily married. [People]
• Neil Patrick Harris doesn't want Britney back on How I Met Your Mother. "Our show does not need stunt casting in order to succeed," he says. [USA Today]
• That nude photo of Carla Bruni — shot by photographer Michel Comte in 1993 — sold for $91,000, [Guardian]
• Dolly Parton helped a young American bald eagle that had been blown from its nest return to the wild. She named the bird Liberty. "I thought that sounded better than Baldy." [Yahoo News]
• "It doesn't matter how much I get paid for something. Having integrity definitely hurts your buying sprees, but I can sleep at night." —Evan Rachel Wood. [LA Times]
• At the casting for Paris Hilton's new TV show — in which she searches for a "new BFF" — took place yesterday in New York. "It looked like Barbie threw up in there," says a source. "All the girls looked like versions of Donatella Versace. They all had bleached blond hair, too-dark tans and were wearing tight, shiny dresses. All the guys that were there were gay. The whole thing was so bizarre." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which rising young actress was informed at a recent film party that Jane Fonda wanted to meet her? "I don't give a shit," came the jaded response." [Gatecrasher]
• Alright stop. Collaborate and listen: Robert Van Winkle, better known as Vanilla Ice, was arrested last night for domestic battery. Apparently he had an argument with his wife and pushed her. [TMZ]
• Sean Diddy Combs needed five stitches after cutting his foot on a champagne glass while partying at his Miami home last weekend. Raise your hand if you want to be barefoot and sipping champagne ASAP. [TMZ]
• Ed Asner to ex-wife: Get a job. [USA Today]
• The 73-year-old 3 foot 8 inch actor who played R2D2 in Star Wars has been hospitalized. May the force be with him. [TMZ]
• OMFG have you seen the new Gossip Girl ad? [TMZ]

The Good: Aw, Alison Till — you're one of the normals! Yay for looking normal and cute while in stupid movie people land. How did someone as cool as Blythe Danner spawn someone like Gwyneth Paltrow ? I saw Danal Gurira and started singing "Lady in Red" in my head. Dear Patricia Clarkson: You can do no wrong, on the silver screen or sartorially. Xoxo. I can haz yur awtfit, Sherri Saum? Stanley Tucci and Steve Buscemi: If only there were a bromance here.

The Bad: Ay this is just Bebe Neuwirth's finest hour. Congrats to Jennifer Missoni, the night's token "came-dressed-looking-like-baby-sitter" attendee. I don't know: I think Irina Panataeva looks a little Ramona from Real Housewives of New York in this one.

The Ugly: Griffin Dunne: Looking douchey.

[Images via Getty.]

[New York City, Nov. 8. Image via Bauer Griffin.]