Says Allyson White, a waitress from Darwin accused of engaging in "amorous activities" with the car's driver, "I also had a $5 note wedged between my boobs so [the cops] probably just assumed I was a sex worker or something and he'd already paid me. But $5 is a bit cheap for a head job."

The car crashed into a concrete drain en route to a place awesomely called "Humpty Doo." Ms. White says the seat belt burn on her chest, which looks painful, proves she was not, in fact, cheating on her boyfriend with the drunk driver, who's just a friend. As she tells the Northern Territory News,

I was not sucking his d*** - and it's pretty obvious that wasn't the case ... you only have to look at the mark on my chest...Clearly I had my seatbelt on, so it's impossible that I'd be leaning over sucking his d*** unless he is hung like a donkey or I've got a f****** rubber neck. If it was true I'd just cop it sweet and think 'how embarrassing, I got caught sucking someone's d***' - but it is not true and that's what is p****** me off.

I find her denial totally credible and think she is owed an apology for allegations of lewdness, infidelity, and engaging in overrated acts. I'd say "defamation of character," but I doubt she cares. In other news, Australian potty mouths are awesome.

Australian Passenger Was Not Sucking That Guy's Dick [The Awl]
Sex Act Driver Loses Control [NT News]
No Oral Sex, Says Ute Crash Waitress [NT News]

Related:
Top 10 Sex Acts That Should Be Retired [Playboy]

(Remember, kids: Don't do drugs!) In this episode, Rich and I answer questions about vaginas, Skittles, and Glitter. Got a burning question? Send it to potpsych@jezebel.com. Or to Twitter.

"Do People Really Use Condoms For Blow Jobs?" from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

See?

Under the image of a woman in profile with her mouth wide open, staring blankly at something in the distance above an approaching seven-inch burger, the ad reads:

Fill your desire for something long, juicy and flame-grilled with the NEW BK SUPER SEVEN INCHER. Yearn for more after you taste the mind-blowing burger that comes with a single beef patty, topped with American cheese, crispy onions and the A.1. Thick & Hearty Steak Sauce.

This ad does not just hint at sex, it bashes you over the head with lame puns and heavy-handed double entendres worthy of the Todd. To make matters worse, the woman about to receive the "hot beef injection," as one commenter here put it, is made up to look like a blow-up doll. She is expressionless, a blank slate on which we are supposed to project our (assumed to be masculine, of course) desires. Unlike the "2 Girls 1 Sub" video from Quiznos, which is its very own brand of nasty, or the new Burger King ad with Audrina Patridge, or even that Carls Jr. ad, the woman here is not excited about the giant sandwich looming near her face. She is empty and submissive, as pliable as a plastic doll. Strangely enough, it doesn't make us very hungry.

The association of meat and sex is nothing new of course, as feminist vegetarian theorist Carol J. Adams has shown time and again. In an interview published on her website, Adams says,

Everyone is affected by the sexual politics of meat. We may dine at a restaurant in Chicago and encounter this menu item: "Double D Cup Breast of Turkey. This sandwich is so BIG." Through the sexual politics of meat, consuming images such as this provide a way for our culture to talk openly about, and joke about, the objectification of women without having to acknowledge it. The sexual politics of meat also works at another level: the ongoing superstition that meat gives strength and that men need meat. There has been a resurgence of "beef madness" in which meat is associated with masculinity.

Adams' argument applies on several levels here. The ad displays both the meaty sandwich and the female body as objects ready for masculine consumption. The woman in the ad is not meant to enjoy the burger, for this is not about her. Like the meat, she is a thing to be consumed, a thing that will provide the viewer with a hearty dose of masculinity and virility. In an interesting twist, this ad, which is clearly intended to sell a piece of meat to straight men, also presents the phallic stand-in as something desirable. Men are supposed to see this image and think something along the lines of: "I like BJs and burgers, cuz I'm a real man. I need some BK," yet the ad makes the meat into a sexualized, fetishized masculine object.

Several other blogs have weighed in on this particular ad. Copyranter says:

Well, this ad via Singapore for the BK Super Seven Incher is the new leading "most overtly blow-jobby ad" I've ever seen, surpassing this one, this one, and even this one. Nice misogynistic touch making the woman look like a fucking blow-up doll. Note the Photoshopped-enhanced creamy white mayo.

A debate has sprung up on Flickr about this image, with one commenter being labeled a "annoyinghypersensitivefeministbitch" for failing to understand that the ad is actually "funny and sexy." Commenter "photo.envy" responds:

Sexy is a state of mind. There's a difference in being sexual and being used as an object of want to sell burgers. Objectification is the difference.

Fast Food News doesn't like it much either:

We've seen more suggestive advertising, to be sure, but this one just seems to be poorly executed AND in bad taste (and probably tastes bad, too).

We're not convinced about that last part, but if showing a sandwich dripping with mayo aimed for the mouth of a lifeless woman isn't in bad taste, we don't know what is.

The New King of Blow Job Ads [Copyranter]
Copy Conundrums: BK's New Ad Hints At Fellatio [Media Bistro]
How Many Cliches In One Ad? I Think We Can Do Better [YesbutNobutYes]
It'll Blow [Flickr]
BK's Suggestive 7 Incher Ad [Fast Food News]
Audrina Patridge Gives Good Burger In New Ad [People]
Carol J. Adams [Official Website]

Related: Quiznos Wants People To Associate Their Sandwiches With Poop, SpongeBob Meets Sir Mix-A-Lot In New Burger King Ads

A study from the Karolinska Institute found that subjects with the human papillomavirus in their mouths are more likely to get tonsil cancer. It takes 20 to 30 years for an HPV infection to result in cancer, so those who are sick today were infected in the '70s and '80s. Of 120 patients in the city who got the cancer between 2003 and 2007, at least 83 were HPV-positive. Doctors hope that the new HPV vaccine will help reduce the rate of tonsil cancer, especially because the disease has almost no symptoms and often goes untreated until it spreads to the lymph nodes. Researcher Tina Dalianis says if people "have a lump in their throat, especially if it's on one side and it doesn't go away with antibiotics, they should see a doctor." [USA Today]

[Image via Flickr.]

But why did the producers blur out the barf?

Do Girls Like To Get Their Toes Sucked? from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

A woman in Louisiana is poisoning men by making them smell "cologne samples." Must have been Axe body spray. • Olympics audience restrictions! Lip gloss, fountain pens, and sunscreen are limited. Do they want the spectators to get melanoma? • Rich people can afford full-time nannies, but 80% of nannies don't have health insurance. From what I remember, all of Fran Vine's doctor/therapy needs were covered! • A 77-year-old grandmother pinned down a rabid fox after it attacked her, resulting in surgery and four days rest at the hospital. • An 18-year-old woman attacked her boyfriend with a toilet seat after she found him smoking crack in their bathroom. • An award-winning program in England for female prisoners who were victims of abuse at home has been shut down by the government. • Spinach Artichoke Chicken Lean Pockets have been recalled after the company received consumer complaints of grossness. • Post-menopausal hormones to alleviate painful sex do not help a significant amount of sufferers. •

Look, I'll admit, this has happened to me exactly twice. The first time was in college: I was on my back, he was fucking my face and I felt that tightening up in my jaw that signals an imminent attack of TMJ-induced lockjaw. Unfortunately for me, he was a little too into what he was doing to notice I was politely trying to convince him to quit thrusting; unfortunately for him, my jaw doesn't exactly lock all the way open; but fortunately for both of us, he wasn't particularly well-endowed. He stopped pretty quickly after that. Word to the wise: if, perchance, you happen to catch a little foreskin in your back teeth in the midst of an oral-sex induced episode of jaw locking, the appropriate reactions to a man's bleeding dick are not: a) hysterical laughter; b) saying anything like "Well, it serves you right."

The second time, I was in my mid-twenties, he was much larger and more experienced (and 45), but he was no less disinclined to notice me signaling that things were not going well with him trying to fuck my face. This time, it wasn't my TMJ that got the better (or worse) of us, it was my hypersensitive gag reflex. Nothing kills a mood like vomming down a guy's dick.

So, what is the sign, short of grabbing his nuts in an unpleasant fashion or slapping his torso? Or should men just consider it a life lesson in what happens when you are less than appropriately appreciative and thoughtful while receiving one?

Lol.

What can I say ladies, it's a boy's club out there.

Journal Women [WSJ]

P.S. No animals were drugged in the making of this video.

"Its the old Eminem defense: Rev. Wright is only giving you things you joke around with your friends inside your living room, the only difference is he's crazy enough to say it out loud. Fabulous," said the American Princess Blog. Who are these people? Well, the Princess Blog's motto is "Party politics the Post in the Prada Age." She claims to be a "relapsed Catholic."

Anyway, that's when it hit me: you know what? We have to stop fantasizing about Obama. He is clearly getting laid. If we really wanted to affect change, we would swallow that vomit forming in our throats and go service the conservative blogger population.

"There are more hot Jewish leading ladies now than maybe ever before — Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johanssen, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Rachel Bilson — but they never play Jewish characters," she says, but not before adding that sexiness in Jewish women is becoming less of a liability, particularly in the form of "an explosion in the past several years of Jewish women emerging at the forefront of movements about sexuality." (Former Village Voice columnist Rachel Kramer Bussel (who conducted the interview with Shukert) and alt-porn star/entrepreneur Joanna Angel come to mind.) Plus, says Shukert, "A lot of non-Jewish girls [have come] up to me... how their Jewish boyfriends always told them that the girls they went to camp with gave better head." Ha! I guess if Monica Lewinsky did nothing else for our people, at least she can get a little credit for making "Jewish women and blowjobs... inextricably linked for a generation."

I Jew — Radar's Resident Shiksa Hunts For This Year's Hot New Accessory: A Jewish Husband [Radar]
Interview With Rachel Shukert On Jewish Girls And Blowjobs [Best Sex Writing Blog]
Invisible In Hollywood: Jewish Women [Boston Globe]