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Missdemeanors
missdemeanors
Liv Tyler Is A "FatAss," Jessica Biel Is A "Dog," Lindsay Lohan Is A "Global Whore"
Welcome back to Missdemeanors! This is where we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week, Liv Tyler is fat; Jessica Biel is a dog; Brooke Hogan is a yeti; and Jennifer Love Hewitt's body makes one blogger sigh, "Oh, dear." As usual, bloggers' continued degradation of female celebrity bodies and their corresponding punishments, after the jump. Let the Jezebel Justice system begin! More »
Blog Alert!
File under: Rich Narcissist Intrudes On Territory Of Poor Narcissists. Melissa "Mrs. Chappy" Morris is the thinking woman's socialite. "Using a medium that often portrays women of her milieu as spoiled backstabbers, Mrs. Morris offers a rare perspective of New York society on her blog, May December, named in part because of the 30-year age gap between her and her husband." [New York Times]
missdemeanors
"I'm Surprised A Whale Didn't Bite Her Ankle & Pull Her Into The Ocean To Be Its Mate"
Welcome back to Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week, rape jokes are back! Also, Britney is a manatee and a whale; Linda Hogan is a stripper; even Adam Sandler's 2-year-old daughter gets insulted. [W.T.F. -Ed.] Bloggers' continued degradation of female celebrity bodies and their corresponding punishments, after the jump. Let the Jezebel Justice system begin! More »
missdemeanors
"Her Baby Will Never See Its First Birthday Because It's Living In A Pair Of Bloody Panties"
Welcome back to Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week, women get mocked for being too fat, for having cellulite, for being too fit and therefore not sexy, and, of course, for having a miscarriage. Plus! Excerpts from an interview with the man behind Drunken Stepfather. Bloggers continue to degrade female celebrity bodies, so we continue to punish them, after the jump. Let the Jezebel Justice system begin! More »
clips
Earlier: Dooce: Proof That Not All Our Pregnancies Need To End In Abortion?
Heather "Dooce" Armstrong Makes Kathie Lee Uncomfortable
Talk about ice queens on the Today show: This morning, Heather B. Armstrong met with Hoda Kotb and Kathie Lee Gifford to talk about her award-winning, groundbreaking blog Dooce — is it just me or doesn't it seem a bit unfair to call it a "Mom Blog"? — and sat on the couch with her arms crossed the entire time, looking cold. (In temperature, not in spirit.) Maybe she was simply preparing herself for Kathie Lee's line of questioning. About three minutes into the interview, Kathie Lee admitted that she has "mixed emotions" about Armstrong's chosen line of work, then quickly changed the subject to tease the show's next segment about home decorating. Clip above.Earlier: Dooce: Proof That Not All Our Pregnancies Need To End In Abortion?
missdemeanors
"Let's Cut Off Jenna Jameson's Clit And See If It Grows Back"
Welcome back to Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. Another great week of woman-bashing on the internet, you guys. Fergie's gender gets questioned — as does the gender of Julie Andrews. What has she ever done to anyone? Besides playing beloved icons Mary Poppins and Fraulein Maria? In addition: Denise Richards "used to be one of the hottest pieces of ass on earth," Kelly Clarkson is too fat to be naked and Kim Kardashian looks like a tranny call girl. Sigh. The offenders, their crimes and sentences, after the jump. (And, because these sites rely on readers and suck the life out of them the way parasites rely on hosts, all sentences today will be parasitic infestations.) More »
missdemeanors
"Pregnancy Slowly Turns Even The Hottest Chicks Into Monsters"
Welcome back to Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. There was sooooo much bullshit this week, including a lovely diatribe about feminists by your friend Drunken Stepfather. Also! Pregnant women are "monsters," Sharon Stone "looks her age," Jennifer Love Hewitt has a "big ass" and so much more. Another great week of "writing" on the internet! The offenders, their crimes and sentences, after the jump. More »
missdemeanors
"George Clooney's Girlfriend Is A Slut"
Welcome back to Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week? Women are sluts, look like dudes, are probably on line for abortions and should get AIDS. Another great week of "writing" on the internet! The offenders, their crimes and sentences, after the jump. More »
Disgraced Glamour dating blogger Mike Cherico is back in the news. He is looking for an agent to sell a book "about the rise and fall of a dating blogger." Because, not to rile up the simile pedantocracy, but being a shithead to girls and writing about it on the internet really is sort of like the Third Reich of our age. If you missed the saga, you can read the testimonial of the woman who blew the whistle on Cherico's genocidally bad manners here. (Fun fact: she scored 1500 on her SATs!) Cherico's predecessor, Alyssa Shelasky had this to say about him: "I think we had one proper date. It consisted of him drinking 15 margaritas and me paying the bill." Cherico has been replaced at Glamour by a coalition government of one male and one female blogger. Please read their efforts so we don't have to. [NY Times]
missdemeanors
Ali Lohan Should "Replace Her Toothbrush With A Penis"
Welcome back to Missdemeanors, where we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week was just annoying. The offenders were annoying, the crimes were annoying, and the fact that the same old crap — degradation of women in the name of "funny" or "edgy" blogging — keeps coming up again and again is super annoying. Monitoring Jessica Alba's workout habits, Sienna Miller being branded a slut and the sexualization of female celebs under 18 are just some of the reasons one can get SO ANNOYED. The accused, and the annoyances, after the jump. More »
missdemeanors
"Almost Any Girl With A Dick In Her Mouth Could Be Mistaken For Lindsay Lohan"
Well, folks, another Friday, another shitty week in the gossip blog universe. It's simply amazing how many writers think trashing and insulting women is "funny." With that, we welcome you back to Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. Let the Jezebel justice system begin! More »
missdemeanors
Kim Kardashian Is A "Fat Bitch" Who "Thinks It's OK To Wear A Bikini"
It's time for Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. What is wrong with these gossip bloggers, anyway? Were they all abused as children? Do they talk about their mothers and sisters this way? How can they nonchalantly pick on women, and their bodies, day after day and still have souls? [Or readers? The majority of their pageviews come from young women! -Ed.] So many questions, not a lot of answers. And tomorrow is International Women's Day. Females have been fighting for justice and equality for decades; yet oppression and denigration still exists. This week in the blogs, pregnant still=fat. A person "wishes" an eating disorder on another person. And Lindsay Lohan's belly is under the microscope. The offenders and their sentences, after the jump. Let the Jezebel justice system begin! More »
missdemeanors
If Natalie Portman Is "Not Going To Make An Effort" By Getting Implants, She Should Just Stay Home
Oh, Missdemeanors. So very necessary, unfortunately. Because who else is going to issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity? This week: Model Laetita Casta just isn't thin enough, Lindsay Lohan is a "whore," Kirstie Alley is too fat to bend over in the shower and Natalie Portman is "flat" and needs implants. Effing hell. The offenders and their sentences, after the jump. Let the Jezebel justice system begin! More »
missdemeanors
Alyssa Milano, Big Feet & Pubic Hair: That's What Little Boys Are Afraid Of
Welcome back to Missdemeanors, where we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week was pretty slow, but there was some smack-talk about Britney's nethers, unwaxed pubic areas, Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Marisa Miller and big feet. Plus! A nearly incomprehensible message about Alyssa Milano. The offenders and their sentences, after the jump. Let the Jezebel justice system begin! More »
missdemeanors
Pregnant Women Are "Fat Bitches" With "More Chins Than A Chinese Phone Book"
Welcome back to Missdemeanors, where we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week, the misogynists are on about stretched-out vadges, pregnancy neck and 15-year-old bungholes. Not cool, people. Plus: A special racist post! The offenders and their sentences, after the jump. Let the Jezebel justice system begin! More »
missdemeanors
Cellulite-Spotting, Period Sex & "Sizeable Blammos"
Welcome back to Missdemeanors, where we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. Not much is going on this week, besides the misadventures of the ailing Britney Spears. Still: Bad decisions were made. The offenders and their sentences, after the jump. Let the Jezebel justice system begin! More »
missdemeanors
