Chris Brown Super-Fans Say He's 'Too Cute' for Jail

Well, this makes me uncomfy. Chris Brown spent last night locked up on felony assault charges after allegedly punching a dude who "photobombed" him, but at his hearing today the charges were reduced to a misdemeanor and he was released. That news should please some of his young female fans, who've been thronging… » 10/28/13 9:00pm 10/28/13 9:00pm

Do You Like Video Games? Well Then You'll LOVE Masturbating to This…

God, you know what I hate about intact, living female bodies? YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP. It's like, can't you bitches see I'm trying to play my open-world action role-playing game right now!!?!?!?? Amirite, dudes? Seriously. But then—conundrum!—the thing about female bodies is that female bodies is where they keep… » 1/15/13 4:10pm 1/15/13 4:10pm

McDonalds's Apple Slices Recalled Because They're Crawling with Disease

Neat! Remember when everyone went gaga about calories and health and so all the fast food chains scrambled to invent some hella gross wilty cheese-covered "salads" and gave kids the option of having apples and walnuts instead of fries with their 8,000-calorie cheeseburgers? (Health crisis solved!) Well, turns out… » 8/13/12 7:15pm 8/13/12 7:15pm

Racist Assholes Predictably Take To Twitter After U.S. Defeat of…

Unsurprising, but still BLERGHHH. Shortly after Nadeshiko Japan, the nation's women's soccer team, lost Thursday's game to the U.S. 2-1, the terms "Jap," "Pearl Harbor" and "Hiroshima" trended on the relentless shit soufflé that is Twitter. And why not? There's no better way to celebrate a victory than namecheck… » 8/11/12 3:15pm 8/11/12 3:15pm