Jezebel 
Enter your username and password.
New York, 5:13 PM
Sun Nov 8
25 posts in the last 24 hours
Tip your editors:
tips@jezebel.com
Editor-in-Chief:
Anna Holmes
Email | Twitter
Deputy Editor:
Dodai Stewart
Email | Twitter
Senior Contributing Editor:
Tracie Egan
Email | Twitter
Contributing Editors:
Anna North
Email | Twitter
Sadie Stein
Email | Twitter
Editorial Assistant:
Margaret Hartmann
Email | Twitter
Contributors:
Jenna Sauers
Email
Rich Juzwiak
Email | Twitter
Lizzie Skurnick
Email
Interns:
Katy Kelleher
Twitter
Original material is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution.
10/05/09
I don't bullshit about how pretty their hair is. I don't complain about my hair.
As a minority I've had a wealth of experiences outside the norm, something other people just can't understand. And I've been on the other end where it's another's experience I can't relate to. I simply don't have the context to fully GET the issue, it's not mine. It's an uncomfortable realization to be had but very freeing once you get it.
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
As an Asian woman (full-blooded) with coarse/wavy hair, I've agonized over my hair for my entire life and know many others who have as well. Like the woman in the article, I grew up hearing my parents tell me that my sister was more beautiful than me because she had "pretty hair." There is a stereotype of Asian women having silky straight glossy tresses, so there is incredible pressure on Asian women who aren't blessed with that hair to somehow force their hair into conforming with everyone else. I'm sure many people have heard of Japanese and Brazilian hair straightening. I've spent 8 hours in a salon chair at a time, having chemicals burning into my scalp and my skin scalded over and over again, and all this to avoid people looking at me and saying "you're not a REAL Asian. I thought Asian women had beautiful hair." Or suffering through "nappy hair" comments or "frizzy hair" comments.
The hair discussion may be tired, but it's also too narrowly focused. There is much more to it than black women and weaves, and maybe the debate wouldn't be so tired if people began to take a more comprehensive look at it beyond what Tyra and Oprah can immediately relate to.
10/05/09
10/05/09
I agree with everything said: This may be a most-visible issue for black women, but it extends to all women who aren't white, blonde and buxom.
And as for my nose... yeah, I'm right there with you. It's taken me 24 years to accept it, and I still haven't gotten around to liking it.
10/05/09
Never brushed my hair in the bathroom again.
10/05/09
10/05/09
Kind of gives new weight to the phrase "veiled threat."
Like, say, a thousand pounds worth.
10/05/09
That's, um, an ... interesting ... description, especially in the context of this discussion.
(Please don't think I'm disputing your claim that their behavior was evil.)
10/05/09
If the comb breaks...or something like that.
10/05/09
10/05/09
Smart. What kind of hat do you wear? Are you able to wear it at work?
I love hats, but finding one that fits and looks good on my big head is quite a task.
10/05/09
also, i have the opposite problem, i have a teeny tiny head. I buy winter hats in the childrens dept, they're the only ones that fit
10/05/09
One place I worked at brought in a dress code and banned hats,which I couldn’t help thinking was aimed at me as I wore hats TO work but took them off during business hours.
10/05/09
Kind of reminds me of the thread on hating attractive women. Maybe they have privilege they're oblivious to – getting jobs early on in life, getting served at a bar r restaurant, having people smile at them on the street – but what's the us if it's outweighed by the cruel actions and words of people who assume they've got everything handed to them on a golden platter?
10/05/09
10/05/09
[jezebel.com]
10/05/09
One time, there was a black woman there who was getting her hair put into one of those updos (my experience with having black friends in high school tells me it was going to last her about a week). She was there before me and whatever chemical processes were going to take place had already happened, but since she was the only other person in there and my stylist wasn't talking to me, I spent the entire time just watching and listening to their conversation. I don't remember the conversation, but I do remember watching her hair being straightened by the hot irons and pinned into place. In hindsight, it was kind of rude for me to do (although I tend to eavesdrop anyway when I'm in the chair), but it had honestly never occurred to me that black girls had to do anything so difficult every week or that their routines were that different than mine.
Of course, now I know.
10/05/09
@Zombie Ms. Skittles:
10/05/09
10/05/09
I'm interested in the difference between implicit and explicit modeling of attitudes and behavior in parenting. If your family tells you your hair is kinky or not as pretty as your cousins', you internalize it, but if your mom tells you your hair is gorgeous just as it is, but is constantly berating her own (that looks like yours!), the message is pretty confusing.
I think it's particularly relevant for minorities; you have less choice in the images you consume, so maybe the family role is even greater.
10/05/09
I heard Malaak Compton-Rock (wife of Chris and mother of Zahra) bemoaning her daughter's insecurity and the atrocities society and media have caused in terms of Zahra's self esteem - all while wearing a long, straight weave.
Just saying.
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
Kind of like how I never hear the end of how I need to DO SOMETHING about my "terrible" hair now.
10/05/09
10/05/09
I read somewhere that of course family members will be the most adept at pushing our buttons -- they're the ones that installed them in the first place.
I have a vivid memory of a great-aunt who said "Look how pretty" and then pulled on my hair so hard my scalp hurt. For, like, half an hour.
10/05/09
I finally turned to her one day and said "If you wanted me to have a different hair texture, you should have picked different genes for my other parent."
Her comments haven't stopped completely, but they have been ... abridged a fair amount.
08/13/09
BUT, is the article WRONG? I agree that some of the points are intended to whip people into hysteria, but black women *do* seem to have a harder time getting married than our non-white counterparts. What's the marriage rate for us right now? 30%? That's awful low and it's not for lack of wanting to get married either.
I'm a black woman in my early 30s. Just thinking about my friends/acquaintances/coworkers: the Black women are mostly single; the White & Asian women are mostly married. (I know this is anecdotal evidence, at best. I am not leaving out Latina sisters here, just don't know a lot of them.)
This statement: "African-American females, even with lots of education, do not fetch as much "value" in the marriage market" is incendiary but again, I'm not sure if it's "wrong" per se. We do seem to be the most de-valued by society (for a number of reasons).
I know I should not read these articles because honestly they just piss me off. But I think the reason they piss me off so much is both for the reasons you identify and the sad nugget of truth they contain.
08/13/09
Ok, in all seriousness, I do feel pressure to date within my race. Do I yield and date black men exclusively? hell no, because one 1) i'm fairly lucky in that my family happens to not care enough to ridicule/disown me, etc for "outdating" and 2) screw people that don't like the people I date - I don't like them anyway.....nanny nanny poo poo
08/13/09
Why is there more pressure on Black women to date within the race than on men?
Who are these men marrying and what are the relationship dynamics they're seeking and not finding within their own communties?
That said, there are plenty of people who aren't engaged in this dialogue on any level. It is a crisis and it might be necessary to shock the conscience.
08/13/09
But I think the pressure comes from people who are incredulous to the idea that black woman are in fact viewed as attractive by men that aren't black whereas with white women the assumption is that her beauty is desired by everyone. So if the black woman were to date or marry outside her race, it disproves that assumption, which people aren't comfortable with having to have to change a longstanding view. Also, I think the pressure comes from the cultural assumptions that black women, being so strong and willful, need an equally strong or moreso partner which could only be a black man as they are viewed as hypermasculine enough to tame the shrew that is the American Black Woman.
It's funny cause it seems like there is nice population of professional black adults of both sexes who I am going to assume are straight but they both just assume that the other isn't out there. So black males are probably using the same excuse for dating outside their race that some black women are: "There aren't any (blank)."
08/13/09
So black males are probably using the same excuse for dating outside their race that some black women are: "There aren't any (blank)."
Naw homie...with the exception of Black men who haven't ever spent a lot of time in or exposed to the Black community, successful Black men know where to find their female counterparts. They're outnumbered by us about 70% to 30% the whole way up the ladder.