I suppose the article really gets under my skin for three major reasons:

1. Assumptions Surrounding Transracial Adoption

According to Samuels:

In recent pictures it's clear Angelina Jolie hasn't taken the time to learn or understand the long and painful history of African-American women and hair. If she had I can't imagine she would continue to allow Zahara to look like she has in the past few months.

Reading through the article, I sensed an undercurrent of anger directed toward Jolie being a white parent raising a black child. Now, I can understand where a bit of this is coming from - as the owner of a site that spends a lot of time critiquing transracial adoption practices, what we have heard from transracial adoptees is that many times, parents treat issues of race and culture as if they were optional, which left the children ill-equipped to deal with insensitive jabs from classmates or fellow family members. However, the Jolie-Pitts appear to keep lots of ties to their children's home countries as well as a larger global citizen perspective on the harsh realities of the world. So what could be the problem?

In sharp contrast, Madonna, who adopted a little African girl earlier this year from Malawi, makes sure her daughter's hair is either braided with beads or bows. Recent photos show the little girl modeling neatly done cornrows with white beads at the bottom-a la Venus and Serena Williams.

Ah, I see. So, because Zahara is rarely seen in cornrows or braids, it means that Jolie is ignorant of cultural norms? I doubt it. Some kids simply do not like the tightness of braids or cornrows. (Personally, I know hated the pain and tugging that came with cornrows, so I've only worn them twice in my life. Then again, I've been accused of being tenderheaded.) Later on in the article, Samuels acknowledges that the Jolie-Pitts have made efforts: they had Beyonce's stylist on retainer for a while, and Brad Pitt often shouts out celebrity favorite Carol's Daughter products in interviews. So clearly, they did some kind of research. But in Samuels eyes, this was not enough.

2. Assumptions about cultural norms

Allison Samuels writes:

It's no secret that black women and their hair have always had a very complicated relationship. In a society that values fine facial features and long silky, straight hair, African-Americans' sometimes kinky, fragile, and unruly hair can be the bane of a black woman's existence if she allows it.

Hair is often the first thing others notice, be it the texture, length, fullness, or shine. In the African-American community it can also tell a story. It can indicate your background, lineage, and social standing. From slavery until today, skin color and hair texture played a large part in how the overall society viewed blacks and ultimately the way African-Americans saw themselves.

So a black woman has two options: either submit to damaging relaxers and hot combs, or keep hair natural-while still ensuring that it's well conditioned, well combed, and in place. There are many legacies of black hair in America, but the most enduring is this: even those who eschew pursuing European-looking hair still take a tremendous amount of pride in looking well groomed and put together, and still need to devote time and energy to achieve this effect.

Who gets to define what is "groomed" and what is not? For example, I generally don't style my hair, preferring to leave it loose. Does that mean I no longer look well groomed or put together? If my hair isn't visibly shiny, are people interpreting that to mean it isn't conditioned? And what does in place mean? Especially as my hair goes up and out and not down? One of my close friends has been natural for close to 15 years now, and she generally allows her hair to grow as it grows. (She will probably dreadlock it a bit later this year). Her hair looks fine - bur occasionally people will make remarks like "your hair needs a comb!" My friend's hair is highly textured and it is easy to tell with a cursory glance that she cares for it. But when people yell out those kind of remarks, they aren't objecting to her personal choice - they're objecting to the fact that any hair that doesn't hang down straight is considered unkempt.

Samuels' next few paragraphs illuminate her intentions. The objections she raises aren't about hair being well cared for - it's about curl control:

It's no wonder that African-American women are the largest consumers of hair products, spending close to a billion dollars each year to control their hair. These same women passed down these perceived notions about hair to their daughters. They usually begin hot combing and braiding the child's hair to take the kink out at an early age.

But even the mothers who spare the hot comb still have to put time and effort into keeping hair healthy: Any self-respecting black mother knows that she must comb, oil, and brush her daughter's hair every night. This prevents the hair from matting up, drying out, and breaking off. It also prevents any older relatives from asking them why you're neglecting your child and letting her run around looking like a wild woman. Having well-managed hair is not just about style, it's about pride, dignity, and self-respect. Keeping your daughter's hair neat is an unspoken rule of parental duties that everyone in the community recognizes and respects.

I thought the whole point of my mother spending time to wrestle my hair into things like plaits and pigtails was so that she wouldn't have to go through with a nightly ritual, that I had a style I could wear for a few days. I don't think she was trying to camouflage my curls and kinks with her choice of styling method. But when Samuels' goes into the reasoning for her ideas, things really get dicey:

Hair that is nice, neat, and cared for also gives African-American girls the confidence that they can fit into the world at large without being seen as completely different. One truism of childhood is that nothing is more important than being like everyone else. Well, as like everyone else as you can be with Hollywood parents. But not all people will recognize Zahara as the child of movie royalty. To many, she'll be just a black little girl-and a black girl with bad hair at that.

We (as young black girls) are always different. If our hair is perfectly straight, flowing and bouncing, there's still the matter of features and skin tone. Even if our hair is perfectly straight, it will feel different because many of us moisturize with grease (or other products) instead of washing the grease down the drain in the morning. We are different and there is nothing wrong with that. Assimilation is not guarantee of acceptance.

3. The Unquestioned Embrace of Conformity

Kids experiment with their hair. All the time. And this goes double for the Jolie-Pitts. Maddox normally rocks a mohawk (and the occasional dye job), Pax has blond streaks and long loose hair, and Z has had every style from little puffs to loose curls. Clearly, the children appear to be encouraged to experiment with their whole look, and hair is an extension of that .

So when Samuels writes:

Photos of Zahara show the 4-year-old girl sporting hair that is wild and unstyled, uncombed and dry. Basically: a "hot mess.''

You know what else is a hot mess?

Denying a child the same freedom to explore and play with her hair as her brothers and sisters.

Yes, I have seen some of the photos where Z's hair does look a bit dry and damaged, just like we've seen the rest of the kids with serious bedhead. But how do we know Zahara's hair being positioned straight up on her head wasn't done out of a desire to imitate the distinctive style of her older brother, Maddox? As I said above, the problem goes deeper than one or two "bad" hair days. It's the reinforcement (both on a cultural level and on a societal level) that kinky or curly hair must always be tamed to be considered acceptable.

Zahara has her whole life ahead of her to stress about her hair.

For now, let's just give her the space to be a child.

Zahara Jolie-Pitt And The Politics Of Uncombed Hair [Newsweek]

Chris Rock, who co-wrote, produced, and stars in the film, was inspired to make it when his young daughter asked why she doesn't have "good hair." He decided to explore others' ideas of what constitutes "good hair" by visiting beauty salons, analyzing the chemicals found in relaxers, and interviewing celebrities from Eve to Al Sharpton to Maya Angelou about their hair.

Almost every critic praises Good Hair, but for the most part, their reviews stick to a summary of the film and analysis of Rock as host/narrator. Several say they found themselves surprised by the information presented - possibly because, judging from photos found online, none of them reviewers actually have black hair. While this latter fact doesn't disqualify them from critiquing the quality of the film, the reviews do come from an outsider's perspective, like The New York Times' take, which notes, "One of the happy consequences of Good Hair should be a radical increase in white-woman empathy for their black sisters."

Some critics do say the film doesn't adequately explore the gender politics of how black men feel about black women's hair, which Dodai worried about after watching a preview clip of men discussing their wives' and girlfriends' hair in a barber shop. The most in-depth analysis comes from Roger Ebert, who claims in his Chicago Sun-Times review that the kind of relaxer shown eating through a Coke can isn't commonly used. (Ebert, who is married to an African-American woman, also complains about Chris Rock seeming to advocate for "natural hair", pointing out that every woman, regardless of color, uses some type of product or treatment on her tresses.)

Entertainment Weekly

Rock, who co-wrote Good Hairand serves as its guiding host, is hilariously aware of the cultural insecurities that have driven many African-Americans to spend a fortune on straightening their hair. Yet by structuring the film around the Bronner Bros. Hair Show, a battle-of-the-salon-stars so over-the-top it's like Iron Chefmeets Paris Is Burning, Rock gives Good Hair a rousing message: Where African-Americans in the '60s adopted a ''natural'' look, they now feel free to coif their heads any way they want. That's cultural power.

The A.V. Club

Is it possible to talk about the fascinating and complex universe of black hair without dealing with race and identity? That's the question posed by Good Hair, director Jeff Stilson and co-writer/producer/narrator/star Chris Rock's charming new comic exploration of African-American hair. The film is filled with sadly telling moments, like a black beauty student telling Rock that she'd have a hard time taking a job applicant seriously if he had an afro, yet its tone is one of amusement rather than indignation. Rock is an entertainer, not a polemicist, and Good Hair will never be mistaken for a college course in African American Hair And Racial Identity, though it does stress the pain women will endure and the exorbitant prices they'll pay to keep up with follicular trends. To the film's subjects, paying thousands for a complicated, high-maintenance weave is less a luxury than a necessity, even for those low on the socio-economic scale.

The New York Times

In fact, one of the happy consequences of Good Hair should be a radical increase in white-woman empathy for their black sisters. Whether in thrall to "creamy crack," a scary, aluminum-dissolving chemical otherwise known as relaxer (what it's really relaxing, observes Mr. Rock astutely, is white people), or the staggeringly expensive and time-consuming weave (often available on layaway plan), the women in the film bare heads and hearts with humor and without complaint...

Competently directed by Jeff Stilson, Good Hair employs humor as a medium for insightful and often uncomfortable observations on race and conformity. The film's only misstep is its fixation on the competitors in a flamboyant Atlanta hair show. Far more entertaining are the barbershop conversations in which ordinary men jovially gripe about their honeys' hairdos; they're a brotherhood joined in financial commitment and - thanks to hands-off-the-head decrees at home - emotional frustration.

Salon

One thing Rock, as a guy, might not understand is that not all curly-wavy-kinky hair, regardless of the race of the person it belongs to, is the same. And keeping any hair "natural" can take a bit of work: Rock interviews actress Tracie Thoms (who appeared in Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof), who has the most beautiful head of tiny, perfectly formed corkscrew curls I've ever seen. Thank goodness she doesn't straighten it — but I suspect she takes great care keeping it conditioned, too.Regardless, Rock isn't out to chide people for the choices they make. And he allows himself to be the butt of a joke, too. When Maya Angelou, who is in her early 80s, tells him she didn't have her hair relaxed until she was about 70, he murmurs something about how she went "her whole life" without doing so. She counters mischievously, "Not my whole life, I'm still alive!" Rock laughs, a lot, during Good Hair, which suggests he's having a great time. It also suggests that while he won't be dictatorial with his own daughters, he wants them to be happy with the hair they've got — at least to the point of recognizing that good hair lies in the eye of the beholder.

Variety

It's telling that, with the exception of the Rev. Al Sharpton, who proudly flaunts his perm, Rock's subjects acknowledge that hair vanity is an almost exclusively female attribute. But to the comedian's credit, he doesn't let the guys off the hook, either, and an uproarious series of interviews with black male patrons at a barbershop brings the docu's battle-of-the-sexes subtext to the fore. There's something of a barbershop quality to Good Hair, in the way Rock creates a lively public forum for people to riff with delightful frankness on subjects that seem more taboo than they should be... [Rock] also spends a lot of time at the Bronner Bros. Intl. Hair Show, an annual hair-care convention in Atlanta. These segments, which bookend the pic, are a bit overextended, but an outrageous contest, pitting four leading stylists of black hair against each other, must be seen to be believed.

The Los Angeles Times

Not surprisingly, it is a story with money at its center — the multibillion-dollar business of black hair from the processes used to straighten it, to the money spent to weave straight hair over it, to the cultural stigma attached to it.Though Rock has a distinct point of view — natural is better — instead of outrage, he relies on irony and his own bemusement to walk us through a world he clearly finds troubling. Indeed, what carries this film is Rock, as both star and part of the writing team he has surrounded himself with old friends from The Chris Rock Show: writer-director Jeff Stilson and writers Chuck Sklar and Lance Crouther. The result is a documentary that weaves as much comedy as fact into the narrative, making the experience a satisfying entertainment even for the lucky few who have no hair cares at all.

The Washington Post

If the audience misses anything in Good Hair, it might be more testimony from African American women who have let their hair grow naturally, for whatever reason — aesthetic, philosophical or practical. "To keep my hair the same texture as it grows out of my head is looked at as revolutionary," says the actress Tracie Thoms. "Why is that?" The answer proves elusive, but Good Hair at least raises the question, with equal doses of affection, provocation and wisdom.

The Village Voice

Rock is certainly a sympathetic and curious observer, though including Ice-T's remark that "a real pimp can tell what a woman looks like baldheaded" betrays some of the gender politics that remain vigorously unexamined in this breezy, superficial doc.

Time Out New York

Good Hair is a slipshod doc about a fascinating subject: the loaded history and current complications of African-American hairstyling. The film is especially powerful in how it offhandedly shows certain races fomenting and exploiting the desires of others-these range from the obvious (the Caucasian-manufactured longing among black women to look more white) to the illuminating (the majority of black hair products are processed and sold by Koreans). Yet our tour guide through this sociopolitical miasma, Chris Rock, merely sees it as an opportunity to crack wise.

The Chicago Sun-Times

Chris Rock the host and narrator, is a likable man, quick, truly curious, with the gift of encouraging people to speak openly about a subject they usually keep private. He conveys a lot of information, but also some unfortunate opinions and misleading facts. That doesn't mean the movie isn't warm, funny and entertaining... What about the hazards of straightening? Rock shows a hair-raising demonstration of an aluminum Coke can literally being eaten up in a bath of sodium hydroxide. It may help to recall that another name for sodium hydroxide is "lye." God forbid a woman should put that on her head! What Rock doesn't mention is that few women do. If he had peeked in Wikipedia, he would have learned: "Because of the high incidence and intensity of chemical burns, chemical relaxer manufacturers have now switched to other alkaline chemicals." Modern relaxers can also burn if left on too long, but they won't eat up your Coke cans... The use of the word "natural hair" is, in any event, misleading. Take a stroll down the hair products aisle of a drugstore or look at the stock price of Supercuts. Few people of any race wear completely natural hair. If they did, we would be a nation of Unibombers.

Earlier: Oprah & Chris Rock Talk Good Hair
Sneak Peek: A Good Look At Good Hair

"I guess you just go through different phases in your life. I was pretty much at the point where I needed the change and I needed to focus my energy on more productive arenas. I was putting too much into my appearance and I needed to make this about growth and going to the next stage of my life. I felt like I was being distracted by something as simple as hair."

Solange reveals that it's not the first time she's cut her hair, and she's always changed her hair and gone through different phases:

I remember when I was 13 I went through my 'I-am-Miss-Natural, incense-burning, Bob Marley-playing, only-vintage-shop-wearing Solange.' So of course that included cutting my perm off, being a Vegan. I didn't quite understand yet that my hair did not define me. Then I remember being 16 and being like 'Okay, I can still be smart and I can still have the same beliefs that I have, but I did not have to have red Rasta braids. I can do that with straight hair. I can do that with a 'fro. I can do that with a weave down to my butt.'

But Solange seems to know that hair is a complicated issue — for everyone; not just black women.

"As a society we equate beauty with the images that have been placed in front of us since we were little kids. Every Disney movie, every fairy tale, every pop star typically has a certain aesthetic and look. I think that anytime we see something different, it freaks us out. The more people warmed up to it, and they saw more images of me with it and dressed up with my earrings and a little something, something on my face, I think then people were more willing to conform and accept it. Now, it's interesting how the first day I had it, I had nothing but negative, evil, cruel things in my inbox and then yesterday [after Oprah aired] I had 300,000 people saying 'Oh my God, you looked amazing, so beautiful, and you made us proud.'"

The entire interview is highly recommended: Solange spills on being a mother and about what kind of parents she has: "It's interesting that people think that my dad is the one who's all strict," she says. "They build up quite a character with that guy, and at the end of the day it's my mom who's going to give you the neck roll."

Plus, check out her response when asked "Five words to describe yourself?":

Water, blood, melanin, bones, and ... vajajay.

Solo in the City [Honey Mag]

Earlier: Solange Chops Hair, Is Called "Insane"

Oprah & Chris Rock Talk Good Hair

First up is Sarah Jones, Tony and Obie Award-winning playwright, actress, and poet. She talks about the "secret weave-y society" that her white friends did not understand. Even though there's comedy in Jones' anecdote, it's also a sad commentary on the fact that hair can serve as such a mysterious divide and cause of underlying tension in female relationships.

In this second clip, Chris Rock talks to some guys in a barber shop about the taboo of touching a black woman's hair. The men seem to enjoy bitching about how protective black women can be about their tresses, but unfortunately, they don't seem to realize that, in a way, they're part of the problem. While Chris Rock does seem to make an effort to get various points of view, hearing men talk about the problems they have with women's hair is a little annoying. That said, we can't wait to see the full film, which goes nationwide in theaters on October 23.

Good Hair [Official Site]

Earlier: Will We Ever Be Able to Stop Talking About Black Hair Politics?
Keeping Michelle's Hair In Perspective
Combing Through The Deeply Rooted Politics Of Black Hair Issues
Weaves, Extensions & "Creamy Crack": Chris Rock's Good Hair Trailer
Chris Rock's New Documentary Explores "Good" Hair

On the one hand: Black hair is complicated. Loaded with meaning. Writes Desmond-Harris, "When the New Yorker set out last summer to satirize Michelle as a militant, country-hating black radical, it was no coincidence that the illustrator portrayed her with an Afro." Going natural — or not — can end up classifying a black woman. Straight hair makes some people think you're more "professional"; others might think you are selling out or tying to "be white." Natural, ultra-culry hair — worn in twists — means you might be berated by Free Republic, as Malia Obama was. Desmond-Harris notes that Don Imus infamously called the Rutgers women's basketball team "nappy-headed hos," making a connection between hair and promiscuity (see also: Her hair is wild, unruly, she needs to "tame" that frizz, etc.) With Chris Rock's documentary set to hit theaters at the same time we have many black women in the White House (Michelle, Sasha, Malia, Desirée Rogers, etc.) it is important to examine the stereotypes, hangups and issues surrounding women and black hair, and not treat the messages and codes surrounding black hair as trivial. Desmond-Harris writes:

One might think having a black First Lady who is widely praised as sophisticated and stylish would represent a happy ending to the story of black female beauty and acceptance. Alas, our hair still simultaneously bonds and divides us."There is no hair choice you can make that is simple," says Melissa Harris Lacewell, an associate professor of politics and African-American studies at Princeton. "Any choice carries tremendous personal and political valence." Even though I'm biracial and should theoretically have half a share of hair angst, I've sacrificed endless Saturdays to the salon. It is unfathomable that I might ever leave my apartment with my hair in its truly natural state, unmoderated by heat or products. I once broke down at the airport when my gel was confiscated for exceeding the 3-oz. limit. I'm neither high maintenance nor superficial: I'm a black woman.

On the other hand: Much like attention to Michelle Obama's clothes, arms and bottom, attention to her hair feels, well, disrespectful. And plain old sad. It's not like black women are newly arrived creatures from outer space — so why is the way we deal with our hair "news"? It's been over 100 years since Madame C.J. Walker and Garrett A. Morgan. Michelle's hair matters, but surely not as much as a whole lotta other stuff she's working on.

Why Michelle's Hair Matters [Time]
Earlier: Combing Through The Deeply Rooted Politics Of Black Hair Issues
Weaves, Extensions & "Creamy Crack": Chris Rock's Good Hair Trailer
Chris Rock's New Documentary Explores "Good" Hair
Solange Chops Hair, Is Called "Insane"
The Flesh-Eating Phonies Also Known As Lace-Front Wigs
Why Is Straight Hair The Epitome Of 'Style'?
Michelle Obama Spurs A "New Arms Race"

Straightening hair has been perceived as a way to be more acceptable to certain relatives, as well as to the white establishment…

In the face of cultural pressure, the thinking goes, conformists relax their hair, and rebels have the courage not to. In some corners, relaxing one's hair is even seen as wishing to be white.

We've covered this issue many times, as has the Times, and the discussion is ongoing. Frankly, the debate does get tiring. Saint Louis writes that many people of color ask: "Why can't hair just be hair? Must an Afro peg a woman as the political heir to Angela Davis? Is a fashionista who replicates the first lady's clean-cut bob really being untrue to herself?"

But a quote from Noliwe M. Rooks, the associate director of the Center for African American Studies at Princeton, struck me as as close as we're going to get to an answer. She was asked about what it meant when the hair of Sasha and Malia Obama was sometimes pressed straight, and said: "There's a complexity to who we are now. There wasn't an easy answer to why."

Black Hair, Still Tangled in Politics [NY Times]

Earlier: Weaves, Extensions & "Creamy Crack": Chris Rock's Good Hair Trailer
Chris Rock's New Documentary Explores "Good" Hair
Solange Chops Hair, Is Called "Insane"
The Flesh-Eating Phonies Also Known As Lace-Front Wigs
Why Is Straight Hair The Epitome Of 'Style'?

I have no idea what it's like to have hair that's considered difficult to manage (aside from flatness), but it was easy to empathize with the little girls on this show because, as women, most of us are subjected to the idea that we're not measuring up to certain standards of beauty, whatever they may be. And while I could understand Tyra's outrage over a mother who chemically relaxes her 3-year-old daughter's hair, TyTy's stance on the hair issue was confusing, since she's just about the weaviest person on the planet; in fact, she regularly gives white women weaves on America's Next Top Model.

Marketing exec Nina Wales was given an Afro.

Earlier: 'Glamour' Editor To Lady Lawyers: Being Black Is Kinda A Corporate "Don't"
GlamourPussy
Glamour "Racist" Freed From Slavery To Fashion
Glamour & "Political" Hair: What Have We Learned?
How Does A Black Woman Feel About The Glamour Controversy? I Asked Myself!
Glamour Attempts To Negotiate Peace Between Blacks, Bitchy Redheads
Related: Dear Oprah, Mariah & Leona: Don't Forget That Curly Hair Is Beautiful Too

Ms. McElmore wears a wig, and the hair (underneath) that she wanted dyed is not relaxed or treated in any way. It's natural hair that could be dyed with regular hair dye. A JC Penney spokesperson issued a statement, which read, in part:

Our salon receptionist felt that we did not have the technical proficiency... to perform the service you required. She may not however have expressed this to you in a way that was not offensive. For this I again apologize. Because customer service is ... so important to our company, we would rather not attempt the service if we cannot perform it as required.

Over at Womanist Musings, blogger Renee writes, "Isn't that beautiful lawyer speak for your hair is too nappy and untamable to deal with?" One commenter posts, "That's funny because when I dye my hair, I can use the boxes with white women on them and it turns out just the same. I didn't realize that my hair was such a problem."

But the reader who sent this story to us as a tip muses: "Isn't it also somewhat true that 'ethnic' hair is structurally different that white hair? Where do we draw the line? As an Asian-American, I tend to gravitate towards Asian-produced shampoos (Shiseido's Tsubaki) and stylists because of an assumption that they'd 'get' my hair better."

Womanist Musings' Renee calls the hair care industry segregated. "We have become accustomed to the segregation," she claims. "The segregation is so normalized that black hair care even has its own aisle at Walmart… Think about the idea of a profession that specializes according to race, and what that means. By simply refusing to learn specific skills they can daily exclude blacks from patronizing their business; thus creating an all white environment."

Should a woman be able to walk into her local salon and expect services, no matter her color, race or hair texture? Or should black people only go to "black" salons, Asian people go to Asian salons, and so on?

Woman Says JC Penny Refused Service Because She Is Black [KTLA]
Salon Sued Over Racial Discrimination [KABC]
JC Penny's Doesn't Do "Black Hair" [Womanist Musings]

She continues:

The prevailing dominance of the white beauty ideal was not mentioned. Most of the discussion focused around corporate ideals of what is acceptable and what is not... We can discuss differences in hair texture. We can discuss differences in body type. We can discuss differences in facial features. But this does not change the reality that 'white' is considered the golden standard and that everything else is deemed unacceptable. Straightened hair, fairer skin, keener features are all considered beautiful while anything else is automatically considered unattractive. If you are a woman of color, you suddenly find yourself under enormous pressure to compensate for that you 'lack.'

Glamour Magazine on Women, Race, and Beauty [Racialicious]
Your Race, Your Looks [Glamour]

Earlier: 'Glamour' Editor To Lady Lawyers: Being Black Is Kinda A Corporate "Don't"
Glamour "Racist" Freed From Slavery To Fashion
Glamour "Racist" Ashley Baker Calls Us, Sets Nappy Hair Story Straight
Glamour Attempts To Negotiate Peace Between Blacks, Bitchy Redheads
How Does A Black Woman Feel About The Glamour Controversy? I Asked Myself!

• The official Gossip Girl blog declared Jezebel as heroine Serena van der Woodsen's special friend.
  
• 35% of you would not ask a man to marry you! 40% say you wouldn't rule it out, but it's not at the top of your to-do list. Only 15% would ask in the future, and 9% already did. Fascinating!
  
• Who cares about marriage?! We made chocolate penises!
  
• We liveblogged the snoozy Oscars and declared fishy to be fabulous when it comes to red carpet fashion.
  
• We snooped with Harriet M. Welsch.

• We learned that 74% of women in their 30s are very or extremely willing to marry for money, and that Lindsay Lohan wears a diamond-encrusted cross.
• We discovered that Bret Michaels and George Bush have a lot in common. No word on how George Michael fits into the military industrial equation.
• We giggled at black hairstyles from back in the day. Jheri curl!
• We did not take dumps in front of dudes.
• But we did flush our tampons down their toilets.
• So go get your seven-year-old a a mani-pedi and enjoy your freedom, you fucking dykes!