Jezebel: bitches

Fox Rips Off SATC with "Bitches"

Intern Katy — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 14:50:00 EST

It’s not really surprising that Fox is doing a SATC ripoff, but it is a little shocking that they named it “Bitches.”

See, “Bitches” is about a quartet of female friends, living in New York, who just happen to be werewolves. The show has been described as a “quirky urban fairy tale." As Scanner points out, "Oh, so not only does it, in a way, rip off Buffy The Vampire Slayer, it also demeans and insults women!" The project has already received a script plus penalty commitment from the network, so there is a very good chance we will soon be seeing this monstrosity on the small screen. [Scanner]

Charm School: When Contestants Fill Up On Liquid Confidence

Tracie — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 19:00:00 EST

Last night's episode of Charm School was a clips reel of never-before-seen footage. That means: scenes of contestants at their drunkest. Plus, Sharon Osbourne attacked one of the women this weekend at the reunion taping.

Having to face a night at a bar dressed as unattractive women, the girls pre-gamed quite a bit before even leaving the house. There was some crying mixed in with flashing, mooning, ass spanking, and screaming — and this is all before they got to the bar and started doing tequila shots. Brandi C. ended up having a serious case of Duff Goggles and made out with some guy. We already knew what happened when the girls got home from the bar, and seeing this unaired footage totally explains how they got so shitcanned. In related news, the Charm School reunion was taped in L.A. this weekend and apparently things got intense. Insults were hurled, and Sharon Osbourne physically attacked Megan (the one who only wears bikinis), and, after going to the hospital, she pressed charges against Sharon. Nice going, teaching these wild women how to be "ladies", Shaz.

"Charm School" Chick: Sharon O. Attacked Me [TMZ]
Earlier: Charm School: Women Get Wasted, Puke, Break Dishes, & Hock Loogies

Sadie Frost Has Bitchy Friends

Dodai — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 17:50:00 EDT

[London, September 29. Image via Splash.]

Being A Bitch Is Every Smart Woman's Birthright

Megan — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 13:30:00 EDT

Much has been said recently about the dearth of actual bitches these days (including by Moe), but there is always more to say. Fresh from the very pro-bitch Guardian, Victoria Coren's column further expands on the much-stated need to increase the bitchiness of the world today. She notes that there's an enormous difference between bitching and being a bitch, and bemoans the lack of women with superiority complexes in the world today. What she implies but never comes right out and says is that being a bitch is a job best suited to the intellectuals among us.

Coren and Julie Birchill before her both note that, in a more sexually open society, sexual put-downs are a no-no and faux-sympathetic put-downs rule the day when we're not too busy being self-deprecating. They long for a time when women (at least on film, and often from scripts written by men) could bring another woman to her knees with a good and well-timed insult. The thing about insults is, though, that good ones require a knowledge of your enemy and her weak spots.

Calling me fat isn't going to make me cry because, frankly, I have a mirror in my bedroom, honey, I know what my ass looks like and I've made my peace with that — and it gives me a great piece of insight into your body-consciousness. Call me slutty and I'll send you dozens of links to columns I've written about sex, but I'll also know who's going to be susceptible to a crack about her own sex life. Try to mock me (or fake-sympathize with me) for being single at 30 and I might not comment on all the scales under my clothes but I will find a way to slide in some snide comments about the state of your own possibly unhappy coupling. Being a bitch requires more than airing your insecurities, it requires finding out what mine are and exploiting them.

But in a society in which most people don't take the time to pay attention to others to find out anything important (let alone their psychic weak spots), when we're constantly playing oneups(wo)manship for who can win the most votes in a neverending popularity contest in which being a bitch will only take you so far, of course being The Bitch has fallen out of favor. Being a bitch requires time and effort and a certain utter lack of caring what people think about you or how to be the cool kid that simply isn't done anymore. Too many of us look back at the school days and the girls (or boys) that were mean to us and vow not to win popularity in that way, so we fake sympathy and empathy and try to be Miss Congeniality while nonetheless plotting to gain advantage at the expense of others. God forbid life not be a popularity contest either way. Give me a bitch who will try to claw my eyes out any day over a priss who'll stab me in the back, thanks; it'll be more amusing for everyone involved.

Bring Back The Red-Blooded Bitch [The Guardian]
Britain Would Be A Better Place If We Had More Bitches [The Guardian]

Pop-culture aficionado Rich Juzwiak, whom...

Tracie — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 18:40:00 EDT

Pop-culture aficionado Rich Juzwiak, whom readers may know from his appearances in Pot Psychology, went to the live taping of the Rock of Love 2 reunion and came back with lots of stories, but we particularly liked the one about Kristy Joe, the woman who went on the show and cried about her husband the whole time she was supposed to be rocking Bret's world: "And then there's Kristy Joe, who introduced herself to me by saying, 'I don't like you'...Catherine came into the room, and I heard Kristy Joe mutter to her that she just ripped me a new a**hole. Clearly, our definitions differ entirely on what that entails." [VH1]

A Dog's Life Is Ruff: Win A Chance To Pamper Your Pooch!

Dodai — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 13:30:00 EDT

Is your dog in desperate need of a makeover? To celebrate Animal Planet's new show, Groomer Has It, we're holding a contest for the most, um, aesthetically-challenged canine. Send a picture of your pup to tips@jezebel.com with the subject line "This Mutt Needs A Makeover." Be sure to include your name, e-mail address, phone number, as well as information about why your mongrel needs a manicure. We wanna know why your hound should get her hair did. One lucky dog will win a grooming session courtesy of Animal Planet! (This is not to be confused with our Past Fashion call for submissions — we're still accepting those as well!)

Tina Fey On SNL: "Bitch Is The New Black"

Anna — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 14:00:00 EST

Former head Saturday Night Live writer and Emmy Award-winner Tina Fey hosted SNL last night, which included a return appearance on her old perch at the Weekend Update desk. During the segment, subtitled "Women's News", Tina slagged on Mean Girls co-star Lindsay Lohan, raved about the new yogurt that helps you poop, and most interestingly, stumped for Hillary Clinton. Fey questioned why more and more women are voting for Barack Obama, not Clinton, theorizing that it's because Hillary's a "bitch". " Let me say something about that," Tina went on. "She is [a bitch]. And so am I. Bitches get stuff done. That's why Catholic Schools use nuns instead of priests... At the end of the year you hated those bitches, but you knew the capital of Vermont."

This Week, We Totally Contradicted Ourselves

Jessica — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 18:40:00 EST

First, we made a New Year's resolution to be nicer to womanity.
Then we agreed with Julie Burchill and told you how awesome bitches are.
We also felt conflicted over the trainwreck that is the life of Britney Spears. Are we the cause, or the, well, cause?
But you know what's totally not our fault? Kumari Fulbright, the law student (well, now probably former law student) who posed in a bikini for a gun calendar and kidnapped her boyfriend with three middle aged men.
We also met her awesomely meth-y mugshot
And her equally awesome Facebook profile!
Obama won in Iowa, and boy, were we excited.
Just like Scar Jo, the other Obama girl.
So let's all celebrate with a few beers at Ellen Page's haunted whorehouse, because no one likes transparent sluts better than us.

Julie Burchill Used To Be Really Thin

Moe — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 18:20:00 EST

Okay, I spoke too soon about the great British bitch-champion Julia Burchill. I realized upon seeing her photo that she was, like, my absolute heroine in high school. Because I was one of those suburban high schoolers who read The Face, I was naturally as obsessed with her weight gain as I was with her awesome sentences. Was she as happy being fattish as she had been when she was so skinny? Could she have been as good a writer if she had stayed thin like Joan Didion? I figured my other British heroines like Justine Frischmann and Louise Wener managed to stay both funny and skinny only because so little in the way of output was really asked of them; they could concentrate on shooting up and starving themselves 85% of the time and eat/write the other 15%. (No truly, I thought about these things.)

Anyway, I'm pleased to report I don't really think about this shit anymore and I'm sure Julie doesn't either, though clearly the eating disorders did a number on my memory. I know some of you took issue with her essay on bitches, but uh, as Julie might put it:

24 Mar 93
Dear Professor Paglia,
Fuck off you crazy old dyke.
Always,
Julie Burchill

Reader Roundup

Jessica — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 16:50:00 EST

Best Comment of the Day, in response to A New Makeup Straight Out Of Your Wet 'N Wildest Dreams!: "I hate mineral makeup. It is the Atkins diet of makeups." We say: does it make you gassy just like Atkins does? • Worst, in response to Being A Bitch Will Save The World: "I'm not a bitch! I'm not a 'real' bitch or one of those insecure bitches. I'm just not a bitch...and I don't like bitches much either." We say: to quoth Steel Magnolias, "If you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me." We're guessing you wouldn't be very fun to sit next to.

[Image via Oh! My God! I Miss You.]

Photo Dump: 'This' Could Be Cuter

Anna — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 09:25:50 EDT

(Brentwood, April 10, 2007)
Jessica Biel (yes, again), this time out with her old friend "Tina" and new puppy. We like a woman who can handle a tough bitch or two.

[Image via SplashNews]