There are lots of things to put into a baby’s memory book: Their first smile, their first step, their first time throwing up all over your back. And now, thanks to the magic of the internet, one baby will have something extra special to remind them how wonderful their parents were: A batshit birthday invite that…

On my 19th birthday, I spent several hours driving aimlessly around Albuquerque in a blue 1982 Dodge Ram listening to Jimmy Eat World on a Discman before I got lost in the South Valley and stopped to buy cigarettes, which I proceeded smoked so greedily that I threw up in a gravel parking lot. I was a virgin. The…