Drunk Birds Sing Drunkenly, Science Says

A new study has found that when you get zebra finches totally wasted, they become noticeably worse at singing. They probably think they sound awesome, though. Then they probably want to fly somewhere to get little bird-sized burritos before crying into a bird-sized phone to some ex-birdfriend, before spending the rest… » 12/29/14 7:15pm 12/29/14 7:15pm

New York Proposes Eliminating All the Shitty State Swans

The State of New York might launch a huge offensive against a nasty invasive species that tears up underwater vegetation, threatens passenger jets, and (occasionally) attacks people with the raw, avian vindictiveness of an avenging archangel. Unfortunately for the State of New York and its beleaguered PR interns, that… » 2/02/14 12:30pm 2/02/14 12:30pm

Dinosaurs Probably Shook Their Tail Feathers Like Peacocks When They…

Unfortunately for your wild childhood imagination, paleontologists recently decided that all dinosaurs probably had feathers to help insulate them during the holidays much the same way we hairless mammals use hideous sweaters to keep our nipsies from falling off like scabs in cold weather. A new chain of fossil… » 1/04/13 2:00pm 1/04/13 2:00pm

In Breaking Booze News, Birds Are Totally Down to Party

Birds, as you may or may not already be aware, love to party, and by "party" I of course mean eat fermented rowan berries until they die from alcohol poisoning. According to a Saturday report in the British Medical Journal's Veterinary Record, drunk birds react pretty much exactly as drunk people, if people had wings… » 11/04/12 4:01pm 11/04/12 4:01pm

More Research on Gender Vision Finds That Men See in Shades of Car and…

Yet more research about how men and women see the world in different shades of gender conditioning suggest that men are better at identifying cars and women are better at identifying creatures in the natural world, like birds, because every man is an oil-splattered monkey wrench and every woman is a fairy princess… » 9/17/12 11:55pm 9/17/12 11:55pm

Researchers Discover that Insomniac Birds Are the Sexiest Birds

Sleep, in case you don't get a lot of it and instead rely on the sadist you innocently call "caffeine," is really important and losing only a few hours of it each night can adversely affect most animals' ability to perform waking functions, like remembering to refill a subway card before swiping it so you don't hold… » 8/09/12 11:55pm 8/09/12 11:55pm