• Madonna speaks! "My husband and I are not planning on getting a divorce. I know Alex Rodriguez through Guy Oseary, who manages both of us. I brought my kids to a Yankee game. I am not romantically involved in any way with Alex Rodriguez. I have nothing to do with the state of his marriage or what spiritual path he may choose to study." [People]
• And yet! Alex Rodriguez's wife has left him. A source says: "The embarrassment over Madonna was the last straw. She flew to Paris to get out of town before everything blew up between them. There is no affair with Lenny Kravitz. They are good friends." [People]
• This report says Guy Ritchie wants the marriage to work for Rocco's sake. Apparently he loves Rocco "the most." A source says: "He absolutely adores Lourdes and David and has always treated them as if they were his own. But Rocco is Guy's flesh and blood." [Sunday Mirrror]
• Madonna's brother's book says Madge kissed Gwyneth Paltrow on the lips at a Donatella Versace party, which, frankly, is not so shocking. [The Sun]
• Model Lily Cole and Jude Law: It's on. And she spent the night. [Mirror]
• By the by! Jude is 35 and Lily is 20. [ONTD]
• Christina Applegate's boyfriend, Lee Grivas, was found dead in his apartment last week. The 26-year-old had a history of drug abuse. [Fox News]

• Is Britney Spears "getting close to" Mel Gibson's son Edward? [Mirror]
• Britney and Madonna made a video that will be part of the backdrop during Madonna's Sticky and Sweet tour. And Brit MIGHT join Her Madgesty on stage! [The Sun]
• Diddy almost didn't make it into his own 4th of July party in East Hampton — the parking lot was too crowded. The humanity! [Page Six]
• Did Nicole Richie get kicked out of the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas for being rowdy? (Her rep says no. But something happened.) [TMZ]
• Amy Winehouse performed in front of tens of thousands of people in Spain — with a glass of red wine in her hand. Cheers! [AP]
• Amy Winehouse hit (another) fan. This time a guy was trying to take her picture — but pinched her bottom. [The Sun]
• The picture of Blake Fielder-Civil doing heroin in his jail cell is like deja-vu all over again. [The Sun]
• Christie Brinkley on the chick who had an affair with her husband: "I feel bad for her and I forgive her completely." [People]
• The person she does not forgive is her husband, duh. His lawyer says, "I think it's pretty clear she's doing this out of revenge." [People]
• Kanye West is kind of pissed that when Harper's Bazaar came to his home, they assumed that the painting of a black angel on his ceiling is actually a painting of Kanye with wings. Says Kanye: "People think I'm so so so cocky that I would have something like that… Why didn't they write that my house had no pics of me, no plaques or awards, just art." A better question: Why assume that because the angel is black, it's Kanye? Does the mag think all angels are blonde, blue-eyed cherubs? [Kanye Universecity]
• Morrissey's cool, but it's kind of mean that he doesn't think Kylie Minogue deserves the Order of the British Empire she received recently. [Daily Express]
• Jim Carrey hit the beach in Malibu with Jenny McCarthy — wearing Jenny McCarthy's swimsuit. Which is supposedly hilarious. [The Sun]
• This George Clooney Martini ad is seven or eight different kinds of awesome. Shannyn Sossamon's cute; George is sofa king cool. [De Standaard]
• Another commercial to have a crush on: Tina Fey and Marty Scorsese for American Express. "I love those warm nuts." [Beam.TV]
• Nick Cannon says marriage to Mariah Carey is "the best thing that ever happened to me." No shit! [People]
• Sorry, but this trainwreck of an interview with Ranae Shrider, the lady on the Verne Troyer sex tape, is too awful not to share: "I'd lie on the bed and Verne would crawl up my legs to have sex with me," she says. "And as he did it his feet would be tickling my knees! It wasn't quite as passionate as sex with a normal-sized man but he did his best. He didn't wear a condom. There was no point, they're all too big. On the whole though, he wasn't short of sexy skills and tried his hardest to make up in technique what he lacked in size." [News Of The World]
• Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong went shopping with the kids — his and hers. Moving right along! [The Sun]
• Chloe Sevigny hearts Sonic Youth. [Page Six]
• Hot hottie David Annable of Brothers and Sisters says riding a motorcycle is like having sex: '"You can't be too aggressive but can't be overcautious." [Page Six]
• Snoop Dogg starring in a Bollywood music video makes perfect sense somehow. [Page Six]
• Usher's record sales are meh, so he might re-hire his mom as his manager. What will his wife say about that? [Rush & Molloy]
• Lynda Carter, aka Wonder Woman, says she used to be an alcoholic. "I needed help — I begged God in heaven to help me figure this out," she says. She's been sober for 10 years. [UPI]
• "I'm going to dedicate a song to my very, very, very, very, VERY pregnant wife!" —Keith Urban, before singing his hit, "Better Half." [People]
• Oh, apparently Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are planning a baptism ceremony in Sydney for their unborn child. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Jamie-Lynn Sigler will be on three episodes of Entourage, playing herself… and maybe a love interest for one of the boys. Wanna bet it's Drama or Turtle? [E!]
• The new 90210 will have a new Peach Pit, but maybe with the same old Nat inside. [Yahoo News]
• Bindi Irwin has her own doll, which comes with binoculars, a camera, a cockatoo, a wombat and a python. [AP]
• Susan Olsen, aka Cindy Brady, was so hungover on some radio show that she had to rush out and puke. There's video, sorta. [CNN]
• City leaders in Malibu are trying to restrict the paparazzi in the area — the number has tripled; they're tailing celebrities on highways and once councilman says it's a "chaotic situation that keeps on getting worse." [Reuters]
• Former Bachelor star Andrew Firestone married a Serbian model on Saturday. Try to seem interested. [US Magazine]
• For her new show, Kath & Kim, Selma Blair says: "I let myself go a little. I didn't get fat, because that would sound wrong. I'm never going to be a big girl — I'm just a little floppy. It's hard going to the gym. It hurts. And it hurts when you don't see results. There's mirrors all over the gym!" [LA Times]

Jen: These two just can't wait to go wrangle something long and slithery together.
Tracie: Clearly the one on the right has taken a lot more care to perfect his signature walk.

Jen: This "Wildlife Warrior" t-shirt is going to take on a whole other meaning when this kid hits puberty.
Tracie: I would suggest that this kid actually model in some real womenswear fashion shows, but his tits are too big.

Jen: Shouldn't it be "Just Say No"?
Tracie: I don't care what her shirt says. She's obviously asking for it with that short skirt.

Jen: If only the real Diana Ross cared for the animals.
Tracie: Do you think that this little girl has any idea that her presence on this stage was made possible by a series of events that began with a man being stabbed in the heart by a stingray?

Jen: Their faces scream, "They told us there would be candy if only we would walk out here." Obviously, they were lied to.
Tracie: Damn. Just goes to show you that no matter how you dress it down, you can't turn a bitch butch.

Jen: If Bindi's career in fashion design doesn't work out, there's always stripping!
Tracie: I'm being completely sincere when I say that I must have that shirt.

Jen: Don't you need a little more coverage than a short skirt if you're going to be wrestling crocs?
Tracie: Ew. Look at the pervs on the left trying to catch some up-skirt action.

Jen: Wearing stripes, also pissed about the whole candy thing.
Tracie: Gangsta.

Jen: This child's name is not Bindi.
Tracie: Is that a knuckle ring? Even more gangsta.

Jen: Hello, playas.
Tracie: Gaysta.

Jen: Do you really have to match your outfit to the shrubbery? Really?
Tracie: This is not America's Next Top Friend!

Jen: Plaid capris and a snake totally clash.
Tracie: OMG, I would not let that thing near me. Terri, I mean.

Jen: Is no one else concerned that that baby is being chased?
Tracie: She needs some weave tracks for thickness.

[Images via Getty.]

• Kate Moss's fifth collection for Topshop launches today. It's inspired by "travel." Oh, bite me. [Vogue UK]
  
• Spanx bras — to flatten your back fat, of course — in stores now! [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• You will be so proud of Eva Mendes! She overcame that whole nasty rehab debacle to be chosen as the face of Calvin Klein underwear. Yay Eva! And yay Calvin Klein for taking a chance on a star who is trying to overcome adversity. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Pussycat Dolls founder Robin Antin has extended her evil empire to include a lingerie line (entitled, sickeningly, "Pussycat Dolls...shhh") and a costume jewelry line. [WWD, 3rd item]
  
• Nicole Richie doing a maternity line? Why, God, why? [LATimes]

• Marc Jacobs and his histrionic boyfriend Jason Preston are fighting again. [Page Six]
• "I feel like Beyoncé is a very good image for what I do. She's the woman that I present. I adore women with curves," says designer Elie Saab. We remain skeptical. [Fashion Week Daily]
• I know I'll sleep better tonight knowing that Lord & Taylor has achieved its life-long dream of stocking Juicy Couture. [IHT]
• Also, knowing Victoria Beckham owns ten different Hermes Birkin bags, all in different colors. [Sunday Mirror]
• Evangeline Lilly is the face of Davidoff Cool Water Women. [WWD, 2nd item]
• Bindi Irwin's children's clothing line on sale everywhere... well, in Australia. [News.com.au]
• Paris Hilton: Inspiration to Indian fashion designers. [Reuters]
• Gap has once again commissioned supercool designers to design limited-edition white shirts for the chain. 3.1 Phillip Lim, Band of Outsiders, Michael Bastian, Philip Crangi and Threeasfour have all signed on for the project, sponsored by Vogue and the CFDA. It seems like only yesterday they were doing this for the very first time! I have only written approximately 3.1 x 10²⁹ words on this site since then. [WWD, sub req'd]
• No, light-up packaging scares me. [BellaSugar]
• Our favorite model-blogger Erin O'Connor is now preparing to make a documentary about the fashion industry. $10 says everyone comes off looking ethical and well-groomed. [Daily Mail]

• Nicole Richie and Joel Madden were seen partying Grammy weekend, so some random source says, "It's almost as if they aren't parents." Kind of a cheap shot. But yeah, the nanny is apparently working overtime. Mom and dad need to party! [Page Six]
  
• Guess who was on the set when Lindsay Lohan posed nude for Bert Stern's Marilyn Monroe-inspired New York magazine shoot? Not momager Dina, but 14-year-old little sis, Ali. Picking up tips on how to behave? [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Dad Jamie tells Britney's new bodyguards not to let her go to a bar or bathroom alone. Also, when she left a restaurant Saturday, she took a cup of coffee with her. [Page Six]
  
• Britney's ongoing custody case reconvenes in court today. First order of business: Who will rep Brit? The firm of Trope and Trope bailed. [E!]
  
• If you find Bindi Irwin vaguely terrifying, wait until you see her doll. [TMZ]

• Meanwhile, Robert Irwin, 4-year-old son of Steve, was bitten by a baby boa constrictor. "He said, 'I hope it wasn't venomous,'" his mom claims. (It wasn't.) [AP]
• Blind item! "The sobriety of which troubled starlet probably isn't being helped by the fact that her uncle deals weed out of the spare room in her mom's house?" [Gatecrasher]
• Jessica Simpson appears in a workout video, but she doesn't want you to see it! Even though she signed a multimillion dollar contract, she changed her mind and refused to give final approval. Speedfit is suing Jess and her dadager. Hey, it can't be any worse than Blonde Ambition. [Page Six]
• Do Michael Bolton's kids hate his fiancée Nicolette Sheridan? Do you care? [Rush & Molloy]
• Desperate Housewives' Marcia Cross's pregnancy: Life-threatening! "My eyesight started going, and I gained 12 pounds in one week," she says. "Both are symptoms of preeclampsia, a complication that is life-threatening for mother and baby. Within 12 hours of being diagnosed - at 35 weeks - I had a C-section." She now has twins, Eden and Savannah. [Rush & Molly]
• The new season of Dancing With The Stars will feature tennis star Moncia Seles, actress Shannon Elizabeth, magician Penn Jillette, actress Marlee Matlin and TV "personality" Adam Carolla, among others. Click for the full list! [People]
• Spencer Pratt on Heidi Montang's new album: "Madonna, eat your heart out. Britney Spears, eat your heart out. I would say we have diamond records coming - they're gonna sell 10-million plus." LOL. [People]
• Scarlett Johansson: "I learned I was a sexual being through David Bowie's songs." Thanks for sharing! [Mirror]
• Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson spent Valentine's evening together? Drinking at a pub? Harry + Hermione = ♥! [Mirror]
• There's a Bon Jovi documentary in the works, people. Who wants to bet it will be called Livin' On A Prayer? [UPI]
• "I feel at great pain when the spotlight is on the death of 4,000 American soldiers, while 600,000 Iraqi deaths are ignored. War is not a movie, it is a tragedy of dead bodies, victims, the disabled, orphans, widows and the displaced." — Sharon Stone. [AP]
• The driver of The Spice Girls' tour bus saw a car driving erratically. He called 911; it turned out to be a carjacking. The Spice Girls (and their driver) save the day! [AP]
• Oh! And The Spice Girls want to play Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday in June. Not that they've been asked. Yet. [Reuters]
• Brooke Shields' mother tells the National Enquirer that she's disappointed in Brooke and liked ex-husband Andre Agassi better than current hubs Chris Henchy. Sigh. [MSNBC]
• Pictures of Jennifer Lopez' twins will be on People in the US, but OK! internationally. [MSNBC]
• Monopoly, kitchen edition! Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia will acquire Emeril Lagasse's media and licensed properties. [Wall Street Journal]
• Mandy Moore's always been afraid of going on vacation alone. But she did it and had a great time, so is now the chair of uPumpItUp.com, a site aimed at helping women balance their "wellness." [Reuters]
• Olivia Newton-John is planning to walk along the Great Wall of China to raise money for a cancer charity. Does part of you wish she would do the walk in tight shiny black pants while singing, "You better shape up/cuz I need a man/And my heart is set on you..." ? [Reuters]

The Good:

Bindi Irwin is my favorite floral dress-wearing grade school white girl rapper.

Yvonne Strahovski looks luscious in long, flowing red.

While Emma Lung looks crisp and modern in red on the short.


The Bad:

But Melissa George is red all wrong.

I love the color of Calista Flockhart's gown, but her hair makes her look like she just rolled out of bed and the silver pointy shoe is much too heavy for the dress.


The Ugly:

Kylie Minogue has been consumed by an eggplant (or an aubergine, as they'd say south of the equator).

And Kym Wilson appears to be the victim of an unfortunate experiment in tie-dyeing.

[All photos via Bauer-Griffin]

Bindi Irwin's Crocmen [YouTube]
Earlier: Bindi Irwin Does White-Girl Rap On 'Today'

Update: Get to know Bindi's Crocmen!

Add it to your Amazon wishlists, kids!

• Donna Karan: Celebrating Rosh Hashanah in the Holy Land! For the first time! We hope she fits in some time for Buddhist meditation. [NY Mag]
  
• Bindi Irwin is designing a children's clothing line to honor her deceased father, the Crocodile Hunter. We think a Danielynn Birkhead line to honor her deceased mother might be more up the respective alleys of kids these days, but we're glad someone's trying! [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• J. Crew is venturing into the world of luxury with their J. Crew Collection, which has items priced upwards of $1000, and their first ever Collection store, opening on Manhattan's Upper East Side, the only place in America with residents douchebaggy enough to drop $1000 on J. Crew. [WWD, sub req'd]

• Michelle Pfeiffer is ditching her traditional red carpet courtesan, Giorgio Armani, for young designers Lela Rose and Jenni Kayne. This is a news event, people. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Paul Smith: Now designing Wedgwood china. Um, okay? [Vogue UK]
• Boston Fashion Week will be held concurrently with New York Fashion Week. Great idea, guys. [Boston Fashion Week]
• Julia Restoin-Roitfeld, daughter of French Vogue editor-in-chief Carine Roitfeld, is the new face of denim line Restoration of the Monarchy. Seriously, sometimes we don't even have to think of jokes. [Fashion Week Daily]

• Does she not have enough money already? Oprah Winfrey is opening her own store. [Hollywood Reporter]
  
• The Bush Administration has been subpoenaed for illegal wiretapping. The moment we heard this we called our mom and screamed with joy — because if anyone's being wiretapped it's us. [BBC]
  
• 1/3 of the Jezebel Administration has been subpoenaed for legal Paris Hilton/Larry King liveblogging. See you guys in two hours.
  
• Little Bindi Irwin makes like dad and plays with dangerous animals fearlessly, lovingly. [USA Today]
  
• The case of the now-21-year old who had consensual oral sex at age 17 has been denied bail for his 10-year sentence. We hate to say it, but we think this is what institutionalized racism smells like. [CNN]

• TV star/presidential candidate Fred Thompson has earned the endorsements of all of his former girlfriends. Hmm. Would our former boyfriends would do the same for us. Boys? Care to comment? [TMZ]
• We love bad TV (more on obsessions with Age of Love and Hannah Montana tomorrow!), but even we shudder at the thought of this newest reality program. [ABC News]
• You gotta love a baby hippo! [Discovery]
• 3 U.S. casualties identified today. [DoD]

• Happy 21st birthday Mary Kate and Ashley! Yup, as of today, the Olsen twins are legally able to imbibe both Red Bull and vodka. Now go throw up an extra-special birthday dinner girls — you deserve it! [Olsen Twins 21st Birthday Countdown]
  
• Everyone — rulers out! A new study says that math skills can be determined by the ratio of the ring finger to index finger. We tried to calculate our own ratio, but... we're so bad at math we couldn't. [ScienceNow]
  
• Random public service announcement: Grapes and raisins cause kidney failure in dogs. And yes, we checked. [TheKnot.com]
  
• Sir Tim Berners-Lee, the inventor of the Internet, was given England's highest honor, the Order of Merit, by Queen Elizabeth today. Wait a second. Rewind. Didn't Al Gore invent the Internet??? [BBC]
  
• While touring Australia, the Dalai Lama met with Bindi Irwin, the 9-year old daughter of the late Steve "The Crocodile Hunter" Irwin. What, is an audience with The Pope next? [CNN]
  
• Don "Mr. Wizard" Herbert died last night at the age of 89. We learned more about science from him during our television-viewing days during the mid-80's than we ever did in school. [CNN]

• We may not know much about science, but we do know that fossils are cool. [NYT]
• K-Fed's rep denies that the ex-Mr. Spears has impregnated the woman he left for Britney, Shar Jackson, yet again. [E!]
• Jake Gyllenhaal? On Broadway? This fall? The gays will go crazy! [People.com]
• Two U.S. casulaties identified today. [DoD]