Jessica's announcement comes on the heels of this week's announcement that her ex-husband, professional emotion-haver Nick Lachey, is engaged to Vanessa Minillo.

• For the first time, Mel Gibson has responded to scandal over his crazed rants in his own words, saying in court documents, "I felt that Oksana repeatedly attempted to push my emotional ‘buttons' to provoke me during the calls."

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we attempt to satisfy our cravings for "news" with the weekly tabloids. This week: Pregnant Mariah can haz cheeseburger; Heidi and Spencer mooch off his parents; and Tish Cyrus is the "ultimate groupie."

When Billy Ray Cyrus filed for divorce on October 27, it was allegedly because he found out that his wife, Miley's mom Tish, had an affair with Bret Michaels. Talk about an achy-breaky heart.

• Betty White is on the cover of Parade magazine, and inside, she discusses her views on gay marriage.

• Miley Cyrus' parents, Billy Ray and Tish Cyrus, have announced that they're divorcing after 17 years of marriage. They said in a statement, "We are trying to work through some personal matters. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers."

[Somewhere In Mexico, May 24. Image via Splash.]

• Sunday, Mary-Kate Olsen was on a flight from New York to Los Angeles when an electrical fire sparked in the cockpit, causing the windshield to crack.

Miley Cyrus reportedly "really disagrees" with the way Angelina Jolie and Madonna parade their children around in public. Everyone knows celebrities should just push their kids to act and pose half-naked in Vanity Fair instead, right? I mean, really. [IrishCentral]

Today in Tweet Beat, some "butthole" hacked into Billy Ray Cyrus' account, Sherri Shepherd gives relationship advice, and Jessica Simpson wants you to respect her dead dog's memory.

• Radar Online reports that Heidi Klum gave birth to her fourth child, a daughter named Lou Samuel, early this morning. Us however, insists it isn't true, but labor is imminent. This shouldn't be so complicated, people. [Radar Online, Us]

Today in Tweet Beat, Paris Hilton gets a pig, Kirstie Alley hates Chelsea Handler, and Jessica Simpson finally learns how to spell "Morocco."

Even though her dad has explained it was "art," Miley Cyrus has retired her infamous stripper pole - replacing it with some kind of rolling cart like "the kind a hotel bellhop uses." [E!]

Today in Tweet Beat, Jody Watley is jealous that Ellen DeGeneres has two jobs, Stevie Wonder watches Real Housewives of Atlanta, and Kim Zolciak does her usual climbing.

• Billy Ray Cyrus knows you're worried about Miley Cyrus dancing on an ice cream cart while holding a pole, and he has this to say:

Miley Cyrus' pole-dance is so yesterday. The latest controversy? Her 9-year-old sister's iteration.

• Miley Cyrus wants to dump her boyfriend Justin Gaston, but her father doesn't approve:

• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's former bodyguard Mickey Brett might pen a tell-all or sell a TV show based on his life working for the A-list couple.

[Munich, April 25. Image via Getty.]