Hehe, this is so shades of "Antony" Hopkins. Gwyneth Paltrow refers to Billy Joel as "William". Seriously, no matter how well meaning, Ms. Paltrow's GOOP ghostwriter (or publicist) needs to nip this sort of pretense in the bud. [EW]

• Jesus Luz went on a Brazilian TV program, Fantastico, and said of Madonna: "She is my friend, only my friend." Hmm. Wow. Okay. He also said:

• Tobey Maguire and his wife, Jennifer Meyer, who already have a daughter together, two-and-a-half year old Ruby, now have a son; their second child was born Friday and "the family is healthy and happy." [People]

• Naomi Campbell: "Some people can handle a drink or a line of cocaine, but I've finally come to realize that for me, it's all or nothing — and it has to be nothing." [E! Online]

• The Malawi Human Rights Commission is stepping in to help Madonna appeal her adoption case. Sources say three-year-old Mercy James "understands what's going on" and has been asking, "Where is Mummy? Where is Lola?" [People]

Even though Christie Brinkley is dealing with that hot mess of a divorce from Peter Cook, she's still friends with ex Billy Joel. Aw, even from her white bread world, she can be buddies with a downtown guy! • David Beckham breaks for fans! The soccer star stopped to sign autographs in D.C. • Oh Christ. Heidi Montag…

[St. Bart's, French West Indies; December 31. Image via Bauer-Griffin]