A 38-year-old woman wrote to Godson, concerned that her re-entry into the dating world, after leaving a marriage of 13 years, was being derailed a bit by her pubic hair; specifically, the fact that she has any. The 27-year-old she's now dating was "shocked" to see that she had hair on her genitals, and as the woman notes "I do look after myself (hence the gym) but I don't think that a permanent tan and Brazilian wax should be deal-breakers in a relationship. Or am I just hopelessly outdated?"

Godson's answer, though it comes with a great deal of apologetic buildup, is basically yes. She explains to the woman that the pornification of the world is greatly responsible for younger men's tendency to expect a hairless woman. "There is something hugely irritating about being forced to conform to an aesthetic ideal instigated and perpetuated by the porn industry," Godson writes, "but, like keeping one's armpits and legs smooth, it is now expected. If your boyfriend has been conditioned to expect a tidy Brazilian, he may genuinely find anything else very off-putting."

Oh. Okay then. Because men have been "conditioned" to expect Brazilians, this woman needs to have one right away. We wouldn't want this woman to have any say over her own pubic hair, would we? I mean, she clearly states that she doesn't think Brazilians are necessary for a relationship, but apparently she's wrong in Suzi Godson's eyes, as only a woman who conforms to her boyfriend's pube desires really deserves relationship status. "Though the feminist ethos of your "take me as I am" argument is perfectly valid," Godson argues, "your boyfriend's reaction is instinctive - and in the face of something that is honestly perceived as a turn-off by one partner, rational arguments simply do not work."

Look, if the guy is so turned off by this woman's pubic hair that it really is a sexual dealbreaker for this couple, that's a conversation this couple has to have. But instructing a woman to wax simply for a man's happiness, regardless of her own personal preferences, is ridiculous. Just because men are "accustomed" to a certain thing, it doesn't mean that women have to do it to make them happy. And if a man really can't handle it, maybe it's not the pubic hair that has to go.

Sex Advice: Do I Need To Wax? [TimesOnline]

"Many commenters have noted that the procedure can be safely performed," said New Jersey Consumer Affairs Director David Szuchman in a letter to the state's board of Cosmetology and Hairstyling. The ban was proposed after two women were hospitalized with infections after receiving brazilian waxes. "It was an unnecessary issue," said spa owner Linda Orsuto. "In New Jersey especially, where the government has been picking our pockets for so long, it was like: 'Just stay out of our pants, will you?'" [The Telegraph, The Chicago Tribune]

Earlier: Garden State Wants Your Bush To Run Wild And Free

To read more about the clips on the list, and to see longer versions, click the links.

10.) Oprah Teaches Us How To Smile With Our Vajayjays

9.) What Exactly Is Wrong With Gary Coleman?

8.) Martha Stewart & Jane Goodall's Goofy Gorilla Greetings Sound Like Crazy Sex

7.) Girl After Our Own Drunken, Period-Sexed Hearts Crashes Tyra

6.) Tyra's "Modelville": Sore Loser Fails To Escape From The Set

5.) Was Kathleen Turner Soused On Martha Stewart?

4.) Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen Are The Most Boring Guests Oprah Has Ever Interviewed

3.) Father Gives Daughter Bikini Waxes, Rides To Work At A Brothel

2.) Diane Keaton Drops The F-Bomb On Good Morning America

1.) Maury Povitch Tortures Woman With Painful Cotton Ball Phobia

Sherri Shepherd is an asshole — an idiot asshole. I'm just gonna put it out there. I watch her everyday and my eyes are just about as bulgy as hers, listening to the shit she says. She may be a nice person but yeah, ultimately she's an idiot asshole, and here's why: When someone makes bold statements, judgments, or decrees without bothering to get the facts of the matter straight and actually refuses to read up on it because they merely heard from someone else that it might conflict with his or her beliefs, that person is an idiot. And someone holds on to such uneducated statements, judgments, or decrees and defends them to the death with no regard for others' opinions, that person is an asshole.

Exhibit A: Sherri Shepherd Believes That Nothing Predates Christianity Last week, the girls were talking about the Greek philosopher Epicurus — who lived about 300 years before Jesus was born — and his thoughts on what makes a person happy.

It's very interesting that family wasn't in there, that spirituality wasn't in there...What about believing in something bigger than you? They still had Jesus back then. They still had God. They had Christians because they threw them to the lions. I don't think anything predated Christians.

Dude, she doesn't even pay attention to her own religion that she's always going on and on about. If nothing came before Jesus, then how do you explain the Old Testament? Remember the Old Testament, Sherri? That's the book that explains that evolution is wrong.

Exhibit B: Sherri Shepherd Will Not Allow Her Son To Wear A Skirt, Even Just For Play; Will Also Not Allow Him To Be Transsexual While Living Under Her Roof

If I found out a teacher let my son put a dress on, I would be mad as all get out. When you get [sic] 18 and you wanna wear a dress, and you're not in my house, put a dress on. If you wanna be transgendered when you get out the house...I'm his mother, he will not be wearing a dress. Girls wear dresses. We don't live in Scotland. There will be certain behavior that will not be going on in my house.

Exhibit C: Sherri Shepherd Temporarily Believed The World Was Flat

Is the world flat? I don't know. I never thought about it. You know what I've thought about? How I'm gonna feed my child. How I'm gonna take care of my family. Wondering if the world was flat has never been an important thing to me. If my sons asks me if the world is flat, I guess I would go and look it up.

Dude, he is HOT. And totally my type.

Seriously, he's so cute I'd mud-wrestle you ladies for him. C'MON, WENCHES!

I'd let him touch it.

SOOOOO CUTE. is there a date benny contest?

Friend Requests: 18
I haven't gone through all of them yet. I accepted some so far, rejected a couple of married/high school dudes.

Messages: Around 20
Only around five from New York. Let's pick it up, ladies! Four from dudes (one of whom felt the need to specifically state his straightness), one from a tranny.

Pokes: Only four!

Grossest Message: "Use a hydocortizone cream to reduce swelling and itchiness."

Funniest Message: From a girl from my high school apparently, "Hey, you went to Groves, right? I didn't really know you, however I just saw you get your bikini line waxed on the interweb, which was really comical. This is sort of creepy, but I just wanted to say congratulations on becoming a internet celebrity."

Blatant Sex Invitations: ZERO! Can you believe it? Lame ass Facebook. I'm moving to MySpace.

Earlier: Benny The Tech Geek Gets A Bikini Wax

Earlier: How To Get Waxed

Every so often, there comes along a tale of the rites of female passage gone so terribly wrong that one is left trembling. I'm not talking about any of the fictitious tripe some unpaid Cosmo intern spit out for the "Confessions" column—I'm talking about the true-life horrors of that wildly popular version of genital mutilation known as The Brazilian. Not that I'm above dutifully visiting my doting waxer (what up, Maya!) every few weeks, spreading my legs and asscheeks with glee as she efficiently rips out my lady-hair until I'm shiny and bald like a fetus. I don't know when having public hair became the more exotic option, but ever since the first de-furring, I've been fully in favor of seeing my labia looking happy and oh-so-smooth. And yet, there is danger! An inexperienced waxer can cause mental anguish or, worse, serious physical trauma. None of us are immune, and no one is safe. (Even my own over-aggressive usage of Folisan too soon after an otherwise perfect wax can cause first-degree burns. Have you ever peeled dead flesh off of your ladyflower? Highly recommend it.) Anyhow: Isn't it about time we all apologize to our sensitive bits? Take, for example, the following from a reader, a journalist who ended up leaving her labia behind in the emergency room:

I need to apologize to my labia. I put them through so much, but this most recent injustice really deserves a public confession.

It started all when I moved to a new city, and went looking for a place to get a Brazilian. Several people recommended the "wax nazi" who worked in the back room of a just-sanitary-enough nail salon. I guess I should have known better than to trust my nethers to a "nazi," but when I heard her thick Russian accent I figured she got the name from someone who didn't know the difference between nyet and nein. I also should have known better when I saw the roll of duct tape sitting next to the warming pot of wax. But a friend had warned me about her unorthodox technique and said her method was no more painful than the traditional muslin strips.

So I took off my pants, hopped onto the table, and prepared to go to my happy place for the duration of the procedure. Unfortunately, the nazi started barking orders, and I realized the waxing wasn't going to be passive. "Bend zee leg." Okay, fine. "Press knee to table." Okay, fine. "Now, holt zee lip." Excuse me? "Holt zee lip. Here, give me hand, and holt here, tight." Okay, so she needed a little help holding the skin taught while she waxed. Fine. I continued following her instructions, feeling uncomfortable and hairy—the usual for a bikini wax.

So, all well and good until I heard a rip of the wax followed by a surprised grunt from the nazi. Hmmm. Something was wrong. Nazi was dabbing my inner thighs, presumably wiping off extra wax. Then she asked me to press a paper towel to my undercarriage. Again, not so weird since this had been an interactive experience from the beginning. Finally, she asked me to sit up. That's when I knew something was wrong. Not sure how to explain this so it doesn't turn into a horror story, but, well, I was bleeding all over the table.

I jumped up, and she started babbling in Russian. Every now and then she would switch to English and say something to the effect of, "Eez vine, eez vine."

"Actually," I said, "Eez not vine at all." In fact, it was so very far from fine.

In the next few hours, more people saw my vagina than have seen my vagina in my entire life. First, there was my roommate, followed by my best friend who worked at Planned Parenthood, her supervisor, the triage nurse at the hospital, the ER resident on duty, a rape counselor (summoned when no one believed what happened between my legs was really caused by a waxing accident), some students, some more doctors, a gynecologist, and finally there was the plastic surgeon called in for a consult.

He was the last person to see my vagina for a very, very long time, and his pronouncement was this: "Well, it's finally stopped bleeding, and it really could use some stitches. But, I'm afraid there isn't much left to stitch up." And that is why I must apologize. So:

Dear Labia,
I know we don't talk often. But Majora, Minora, listen: I still don't get which of you is which, but I know I hurt you both. You have protected me my whole life and I treated you so very badly. I know this happened months ago and you're still mad... but you survived, didn't you? And, hey, we really enjoyed those few weeks with the painkillers, didn't we? I just want you to know I've learned my lesson. One of you (Majora, I think) is meant to be covered with soft downy hair, and I hereby promise not to try and change that ever again.

Love,
Your Owner

You SO want the epilogue on this one: In the name of journalism and protecting his lady, this brave woman's even-braver boyfriend then went to see the same nazi for a back wax. He gave the nazi his business card, to which she said, "Oh! Someone from your publication came in last week! But it did not go so well because she had sex!" The boyfriend's all-too-knowing response: "Uh, no she didn't." Figures that a crazy bitch would try to cover up her mistake with some grotesque puritanical admonishment of pre-wax sex, which probably wouldn't make any difference even if you were slapping on the wax while riding cowgirl.

We know you have your own stories. Leave them in the comments, and perhaps we can heal together.