http://tags.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/jezebel.com.png http://jezebel.com/tag/bigpimpin http://jezebel.com/tag/bigpimpin The best coverline on this new issue of Essence magazine — featuring Beyoncé — is "Broke? Money Tips To Stop Living Paycheck To Paycheck." Sure, sure, Mrs. Jay-Z could probably help with that. [The.Life Files]

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• Jay-Z's robocall on behalf of Barack Obama: ""Hey, this is Jay-Z. It's time for change, it's time for Barack Obama," Then, "with a slight sigh," he explains the specifics of, you know, how to actually go vote and all that. Obama will win because he's on the side of Jay Hova. [HipHop4Prez]
  
• Hillary will win because Obama has been big pimpin' with white sluts, according to an eminent black clergyman. [Wonkette]
  
• Obama will win because white sluts think of him as their secret lover. [Salon]
  
• Hillary will win because reporters have started asking Obama tough questions. [Wash Post]
  
• Obama will win because Hillary makes reporters file stories from the men's bathroom behind the urinals. [Wonkette]
  
• Hillary will win because Obama looks like "Curious George." [Drudge Retort]
  
• Obama will win because Hillary looks like Daffy Duck. [Slate]

• Obama will win because he's left-handed. [The Star]
• Hillary will win because right-wingers are supporting her with "motives both pure and sinister." [Cleveland.com]
• Obama will win because he has a vast emergency cache of Superdelegates poised to fly out at any minute. [Time]
• Hillary will win because working out at the gym makes you ugly. [Daily Mail]
• Obama will win because some idiots will start acting all jubilant and inebriated after being served too much tonic water. [NY Times]
• Hillary will win because women aren't funny. [Slate]

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