• Michaele and Tareq Salahi, the now-infamous White House party crashers, have "postponed" a planned appearance on Larry King Live in an attempt to instead make "hundreds of thousands of dollars" by selling their story to the highest bidder. [NYTimes]

• Tiger Woods reportedly told a friend he needed to "run to Zales to get a 'Kobe Special.'" (meaning: a giant ring) last Friday after having a fight with his wife. Kobe Bryant, you might remember, purchased a $4 million ring for his wife, Vanessa, after being accused of sexual assault. [TMZ]
• Rachel Uchitel, Woods' alleged mistress, is reportedly meeting with high-profile attorney Gloria Allred. [TMZ]
• Uchitel vehemently denies that she and Woods had an affair, though she notes that even rumors of such a thing might cause drama: "Despite it being completely untrue, it still must have certainly caused some problems at home - if I was his wife, I probably would have killed him. This is nothing to do with me. The claims are completely false. We have never had an affair, talked on the phone or sent any type of text, sexy or not. I'm really upset about it because I'm being portrayed as a home-wrecker, when it simply isn't true." [NewsOfTheWorld]
• Audio of Woods' 911 call after the accident may be released to the public at some point today. [TheSun]
• Rupert Everett says his friendship with Madonna was destroyed after Everett wrote about her in his book, Red Carpets and Other Banana Skins. "I think it is very affectionate, and certainly with her I was very careful to only write things that were," he says of the book, "But she felt it was an infringement of privacy." [Guardian]
• "I'm most drawn to characters who are compelling and repellant at the same time, very often right at the same moment, and who are frightening and funny all at once."-James Spader[NYTimes]
• "You know, a day doesn't go by where you don't think about him. It's always there, in every sense. But it will get better. It's not easy, but I know with time it will get easier. But it will never be easy. It's my brother."-Janet Jackson, on losing her brother, Michael. [TimesOnline]
• Alec Baldwin says he's lost his interest in acting and plans to give it up after his 30 Rock contract expires: "Movies are part of my past. It's been 30 years. I'm not young, but I have time to do something else," he says, "It's a difficult thing to say, but I believe it: I consider my entire movie career a complete failure." [ShowbizSpy]
• Heidi Klum has posted a picture of her (adorable) new daughter, Lou Samuel, on her website, writing that Lou is "beautiful beyond words and we are happy that she chose us to watch her grow over the coming years. From the moment she looked into both of our eyes it was endless love at first sight." [DailyMail]
• "Ive always been a businesswoman, because there's no way you can be in the music business and not be a businesswoman. It's always been a part of ever since I began in music, Since I was 16. I've always been very inclined to really just take control of the things that I want to see happen and to really be proactive about it so to extend and to expand into different ventures my entrepreneurial spirit has definitely been calling to me just because there's so many ways to express yourself and jewelry is such a beautiful expression, it's a self expression."-Alicia Keys on her new jewelry line. [WSJ]
• Martha Stewart was spotted at the Four Seasons on Thanksgiving, alongside Barbara Walters, Helen Gurley Brown, among others. Am I the only one whose mind is kind of blown by Martha Stewart going to a restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner? [PageSix]
• Jay-Z and Sean "Diddy" Combs rented out a $5000 a night room, complete with "padded walls and a couch, eight ounces of beluga caviar and a magnum of champagne," to just have a drink together and listen to some music. [PageSix]
• When the NYTimes pointed out that Lil' Wayne's music "is not necessarily lady-friendly," Beth Ditto replied: "No, but he's such an artist, and he's obsessed with [performing oral sex]. I think that's really cool and really girl-positive in a way. I think for hip-hop that's really rad." [NYTimes]
• In somewhat unsurprising news, Morrissey says he's thought about suicide, and that he thinks "self-destruction is honourable. I always thought it was. It's an act of great control and I understand people who do it." [Mirror]
• Brittany Murphy's husband was taken to the hospital yesterday for what Murphy believes was an asthma attack while on board an airplane. [TMZ]
• Fergie says she watched several Fellini films to get a feel for how Italian actresses carried themselves, in preparation for her role as an Italian prostitute in Nine. [DailyExpress]
• "I kind of became the poster girl for teen angst, which is a kind of crass way of saying it. But the teen roles that I was playing, they were bright and they were atypical. There was room there for that particular kind of character to mature, so I didn't face a great amount of resistance in that respect. But I think everybody has to fight to become a diverse artist because people are inclined to associate you with one thing or are a little unnerved by your daring to do something."-Claire Danes, on her role in My So-Called Life [WashingtonPost]
• Cindy Crawford admits that she used to receive Botox injections, "but I haven't done Botox for ten years. And I didn't do collagen, I don't think." [DailyMail]
• Though Toni Braxton's marriage of 8 years ended just days after she kissed Trey Songz onstage at the 2009 Soul Train Awards as part of a performance, Braxton claims the two are in no way related. [E!]
• Taylor Lautner was a bit shocked when Jamie Foxx approached him on the set of Lopez Tonight to ask for an autograph: "All of a sudden I hear this deep voice behind me: 'Taylor, Taylor!' .... And this guy walks up to me and he goes 'Hey ... my daughter is a huge fan, and I'm a huge fan is there any way I can get a picture with you. I'm Jamie Foxx.' I was like, 'Are you kidding me? Can I get a picture with you?'"[People]
• Interesting news for our SNL live thread crew: both James Franco and Taylor Lautner are set to host Saturday Night Live this December. Thoughts? [EW]
• When asked about Kate Moss' recent comments on how "nothing tastes as good as thin feels," Rihanna replied: "I can't believe she said. That is SO crazy. I love food because I'm from Barbados. If I was a catwalk model I'd be considered fat which I know is ridiculous." However: "I don't think people should discriminate against thicker models OR skinny models. If you're size zero you shouldn't be banned from the runway." [NewsOfTheWorld]
• "I don't care how talented you are: doing things like that is not nice. So fuck off ... Kanye just wants attention. As simple as that. He was like it before his mum died. So let's not make excuses. It's not fair to judge other people and to try to destroy their careers. Come on! Just stop it. Be nice!"-Joss Stone, who also thinks Russell Brand is "a disgusting pig. Mean, mean, mean." [Independent]

The slight came after Rosie O'Donnell told the designer, "On behalf of every plus-sized woman in the world, I just want to thank you." And Fisher's distancing, Rosie said on her radio show, "was like someone stabbed me in the heart." What was so weird about the whole thing was, it made us all wonder, Who does Eileen Fisher think her demographic is? After all, if she didn't know its perception, they wouldn't be trying so hard to change it. I think of it as a brand my mom feels good in - reliable, well-made, maybe overpriced, but in quiet good taste and modeled by "real women" - albeit of the ethereal, Joan Baez school. And there's nothing wrong with that; it's great, in fact. And why would any designer deny it? I get wanting to expand appeal (although in this case it seems even more Sisyphean than Ann Taylor's makeover), but biting the well-kept hand that feeds you seems...imprudent. (Also: I don't remember ever seeing Rosie in Eileen Fisher. But then, I don't hang out with her regularly. Anyone?)

The mini-fracas prompted WWD to run a very interesting piece on exactly who designers think is wearing their clothes. Obviously a high-fashion line - hell, each individual collection - has a perspective and maybe even a muse in mind, but Eileen Fisher? Surely she designs with her actual customer in mind, right? Says Kathy Griffin,

I know women who buy Eileen Fisher, and the reason they buy Eileen Fisher is the same thing Rosie was talking about, which is, the women I know who buy Eileen Fisher, they want comfort, they're soccer moms, so Eileen Fisher can act like she's playing to the size 2 woman, but the truth is, I think what makes her brand successful is that there are a lot of women that love to go to that store and feel like they can get seven pieces that go together that they never have to worry about again.

Here were a few of the most interesting quotes from designers in the piece on their ideal customer...versus their reality.

Angela Missoni: "I tell our sales staff not to sell an outfit just for the sake of selling it if it doesn't look right. Knitwear is tricky and can make you look much bigger, so when I see a woman squeezed into one of my outfits, I'm not thrilled." So, what, they're supposed to wrest sweaters from the grasp of larger women?

Tory Burch:

We recently added a size 14, because I felt we were not meeting all the needs of our customer. I love to dress all types of women and certainly all ages, so, for me, that's part of the success of our brand. When I see someone who's a larger size wearing my clothes, I'm completely flattered that they're making her feel good. That's why I'm designing, to make women feel good about what they're wearing."

"Feeling good," apparently translates to "being able to fit into clothes." They ask so little!

Stella McCartney: "When you meet a larger lady and she says, ‘Oh, I love your stuff, but there's nothing for me' - it breaks my heart. I feel like I haven't done my job properly when women say that to me." Well, it's too bad she's not in a position to do anything about that!

Andrew Gn: "Not everybody is Kate Moss. Everyone has the right to look great. I'd love to dress Beth Ditto. When I see someone wearing my clothes, I am proud, often. Puzzled, sometimes. Horrified, never." Okay, for the last time,"Beth Ditto" isn't a "get out of jail free" card.

Who Wears the Clothes? Balancing Branding And Customer Reality [WWD]
Eileen Fisher's Shifting Silhouette [NYT]
Rosie: Eileen Fisher "Stabbed Me in the Heart" [NBC]

[Paris, November 16. Image via Getty.]

• Robert Pattinson took Kristen Stewart to a "secret" dinner with his parents. So secret that this Britloid knows about it!

Apparently the Sparkle Vamp's mom and dad "got on like a house on fire" with Kristen. Perhaps eventually these kids will be "ENGAGED!" like Ok! declared in September. [The Sun]

• At a New Moon press conference, Dakota Fanning "struggled to look interested." And: "Her wide-set eyes sometimes drifted to the middle distance as her co-stars answered questions. Even her responses to the adoring crowd of movie buffs and reporters felt uninspired." Maybe she was tired? [The Daily Beast]
• New Moon actor Kellan Lutz was declined entrance to his own movie party. [Page Six]
• Rihanna is dating Tristan Wilds, whom you may know from 90210… Or as Michael on The Wire. [Gatecrasher]
• "Jon Gosselin signed a secret, hand-written contract with Kate Major, hiring her as his personal assistant, promising to pay her a percentage of his "accounts" and spelling out that she would not talk about their relationship." [Radar Online]
• Bijou Phillips doesn't want to attend the premiere of her film Made For Each Other, because she might have to answer embarrassing questions, in the wake of half-sister Mackenzie's incest revelations. [Page Six]
• MTV has bought the rights to air Michael Jackson's This Is It beginning in 2011. Meaning: There will actually be music on MTV! [NY Post]
• Evan Chandler, 65, the father of Jordan "Jordy" Chandler — who accused Michael Jackson of molestation — killed himself via a gun to the head earlier this month. He was reportedly suffering from a serious illness, though the ailment was not named. [NY Post]
• Penelope Cruz was on David Letterman's show last night, and refused to admit if she was engaged: "I've been here a few times with you, you know I'm tough. One thing I don't do, I don't lie about my personal life," she said. "It's sacred to me. It's my life. But I don't give details about it because I am allergic to that." [People]
• Tina Fey went to the unveiling of Barneys New York's SNL-themed holiday windows, and the papier-mâché Sarah Palin hanging in the window "started spinning around uncontrollably," which was alarming. [WWD]
• Gerard Butler doesn't read gossip. He says: "I try and stay away from anything anybody sends me, some clips or articles that tell me what's going on… I normally tell them to leave me alone and to not remind me. But it's normally when I'm doing press someone will say 'oh so, is it true about...' - and that's when I catch up on all my rumors, when I'm doing press junkets." [Mirror]
• Michael Musto's interview with Levi Johnston is Hi. Larious. MM asks if Levi's junk is "really the Alaska pipeline" and Levi claims he's no Kevin Federline, because "I'm a country singer-I'm not gonna be no rapper." [Village Voice: La Dolce Musto]
• Beth Ditto was asked what she was doing in Paris. She replied, "I am trying to be really cool." Then she did a cover of "I Will Always Love You," the Dolly Parton song made famous by Whitney Houston, saying, "it's my favorite song." [WWD]
• Carrie Prejean is threatening to sue Vivid Entertainment if the company releases photos or videos of her "solo sex tape." [TMZ]
• Frances Bean Cobain has Bard at the top of her list of colleges. [Gatecrasher]
• Does Charlie Gibson bad-mouth fellow ABC anchor Diane Sawyer? [Page Six]
• Jennifer Lopez's ex, Ojani Noa, claims he's getting death threats after trying to sell a book and "steamy" home video of J. Lo. [Page Six]
• Adam Lambert, aka Glambert, is on the cover of Out magazine — with Wanda Sykes, Cyndi Lauper, Lt. Dan Choi and Rob Marshall — and the editor's letter suggests his record label didn't want him to be on the magazine solo, because that would be "too gay." The EIC writes: "It's only because this cover is a group shot that includes a straight woman that your team would allow you to be photographed at all…" Is this the same record label that okayed this shot? And this one? [MSNBC Scoop]
• I can't figure out if this story about Hulk Hogan being attacked at a press conference is real or a wrestling stunt. And isn't Ric Flair retired? All I know is that there's a hip hop song named after him. Ric Flair wittit! Woo! Yeah so anyway: Hulk was bleeding from the head after the "attack" and there's a picture. [News.com.au]
• Aaron Eckhart and Molly Sims: Dating. [People]
• The Bob Saget reality show actually sounds interesting. [NY Post]
• Whoa. Avril Lavigne is dating Wilmer Valderrama? Okay. Does she know that in a radio interview with Howard Stern, he talked about how Mandy Moore was a virgin until he met her? He's also been linked to Lindsay Lohan, Hilary Duff, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Ashlee Simpson. [Life & Style]
• A-Rod has given Kate Hudson a ring, but it's not an engagement ring, it's a $39,000 white-gold ring to thank her for her support of the Yankees. Allegedly. [Gatecrasher]
• Celebrities can make money off of Twitter? Damn. [NY Post]
• Oprah's homeslice Nate Berkus is about to sign a deal to star in his own syndicated daytime talk show. [NY Post]
• Wall Street 2 costars Carey Mulligan and Shia LaBeouf are totes in love. [Gatecrasher]
• John Travolta and Robin Williams became good friends after crashing a wedding in 1977; now they're in their first joint film, Old Dogs. Apparently, at some point in the movie, Travolta and Williams mix up their medications. Travolta's face turns into a Joker-like smile, while Williams' tongue grows to the size of a dill pickle. "That scene, I've probably laughed harder than I ever have," Travolta says. "I knew I wanted to do the movie when I read that part. I'd pay $10 to see that scene." Maybe because you're a millionaire? [USA Today]
• The interwebs have been buzzing about the banned Enrique Iglesias video, "Sad Eyes," in which our hero indulges in phone sex, then picks up a hooker… The pole/phallic imagery is not to be missed. And if you haven't seen it yet, you can, at the link. [Buzzfeed]
• This column is all about Rose McGowan's face. [NY Daily News]
• Rod Stewart's lawyers want $3,309,871.34 in back legal fees. [TMZ]
• The IRS wants over $1 million from Aaron Carter. [NY Post]
• Thirty-six items of clothing Audrey Hepburn wore on and off the screen from 1953 to the late '60s — along with accessories and letters — will be auctioned in London next month. [NY Post]
• Gloria Estefan lost a $220,00 Bulgari diamond bracelet getting out of a car in Miami, but her husband found it. [Page Six]
• "Slumdog Millionaire star Anil Kapoor says he and Danny Boyle will ensure the kids from the movie go to school to earn their trust funds." [Page Six]
• "We're in two minds. Damian doesn't want us to add to our family under any circumstances. He wants to remain the golden prince. He says, ‘Mummy, our family is big enough.' We toy with it but we're not sure." — Liz Hurley is not sure if she is going to have more kids; her son certainly doesn't want her to. [Daily Express]
• "I'm going to make a film on Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. It won't be a so-called David Lynch film, really; it will be about Maharishi and the knowledge he brought out. It'll hold a lot of abstractions. We're on our way to India in December to start the India part of it." — David Lynch. NY Mag]
• "It's scary on the one hand because we have really big shoes to fill — for God's sake, Marcia won a Tony for this role! On the other hand, there aren't a lot of great, great, great roles, especially for women, especially for older women, of which I am one. And I'm a stage actor primarily. I always have been, even though I took a break, but that's how I got my training before I began - eighteen years of stage in New York. Yes, it's daunting: We'll all be compared to the other cast. It doesn't matter - I don't read reviews, I don't care what other people say. At this stage of my career, there are no career moves anymore. I just think when a part like this comes along, you've got to grab it." — Christine Lahti is taking over Marcia Gay Harden's role in God Of Carnage. [NY Mag]
• "Farrah's and my relationship was based on a deep love and respect for one another and for our son Redmond… After discussing how her financial affairs would be handled in the event of her passing, we agreed that our son Redmond would be the primary beneficiary of her estate," he goes on. "These were Farrah's wishes and I am perfectly happy with them." — Ryan O'Neal doesn't care that he's not in Farrah's will. [Us Magazine]
• "During shooting I tried to not go onto the Internet at all if possible. I started to pay attention to fan reaction to the trailers that have been out and what kind of stuff they like, just in order to get a temperature of where things were heading. I think you end up being a politician responding to polls if you pay too much attention to the Internet. Because it's a quick way to convince yourself that one particular person who happens to be Twittering at the moment just happens to be the authority. I try to put out fires when bizarre rumors get started. One rumor I addressed was that the Volturi scenes were supposed to be set in a bathhouse with everyone naked." —Twilight director Chris Weitz. [Techland]
• "I watch Twilight and New Moon and I think, Gosh, there are a million lines that I wish were in it that aren't. You can't be expected to capture the book - what you are expected to do is capture an essence. That's always subjective. It's something that eternally worries me, but at the same time you have to suppress those thoughts. You would be playing a really disjointed character if you were taking everyone's considerations. It's impossible to please everyone. As long as they know that you are working hard, as hard as you can, I think the actual fans of the book accept that and appreciate that." — Kristen Stewart. [Time]
• "When I was reading the books, I felt so bad for Jacob's character. I was, like, 'Wow, he can't get the girl he wants and he's being shut down and used.' But now that I'm actually filming it and living this character, I feel so much worse." — Taylor Lautner, aka Twilight's Buff Werewolf, when interviewed earlier this year. [LA Times]
• "I felt pretty goofy stepping out into the sunlight in front of 2,000 people in a town square, ripping my clothes off. I was essentially doing a striptease. But here's the irony, it was also one of the moments where I've really felt closest to people's emotional attachment to Edward... It was quite uplifting and it was also very nerve-wracking." — Robert Pattinson. Mirror]

[Paris, November 15. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

[Sydney, November 10. Image via Pacific Coast News Online.]

Ditto, who explains that she was "really butch" in high school, says she "loves to break all the rules," in terms of fashion. That's why she wears horizontal stripes, floral patterns and clown-ish ensembles. But while it's interesting to see her gush about seeing designers as "artists," the best thing about this video is the idea that a non-thin person has been given such a platform — allowed to voice her thoughts about fashion on a Condé Nast website.

With buzz about plus-size models and Precious star Gabourey Sidibe rocking fantastic ensembles on the red carpet, it seems that we may finally be getting some positive coverage of larger women — and maybe the idea that fashionable = thin is beginning to break down.

Style Studio: Beth Ditto [Style.com]

• Courtney Love "went nuts" when a guest at a party opened an unlocked bathroom and saw her on the toilet with her skirt around her ankles.

Apparently she launched herself at the dude, and though people tried to calm her down, a security guy told the man: "It's best you get away as fast as possible." [Page Six]

• Backstage at the Emmys, Paramedics were called for Kristin Chenoweth, who complained of a migraine headache and then said she couldn't open her eyes. [Access Hollywood]
• More backstage Emmys drama: A fight between Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Karina Smirnoff got "kind of loud." Apparently they were "screaming at each other"after he said she took too long in hair and makeup. [E!]
• Mad Men and 30 Rock were big winners at the Emmys last night. [NY Daily News]
• Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs won the weekend box office; Jennifer Aniston's Love Happens came in fourth — one of her worst openings in years — and Jennifer's Body placed fifth. [Ny Daily News]
• "Mr. T's Chance of Meatballs character fits him to a T." [USA Today]
• Kate Gosselin taped her Mom Logic TV show pilot over the weekend, and even though guests Mel B and Christie Brinkley were nixed, a source says the taping "went extremely well" and "Kate did great." [Radar]
• Congrats! Zooey Deschanel married Death Cab For Cutie singer Ben Gibbard Saturday night near Seattle. [People]
• Did you know that Susan Sarandon has been a member of a Ping-Pong society for years? [NY Magazine]
• From a profile on Madonna: "Scented Christian Dior candles fill the air in a space so dimly lit, it seems both slightly theatrical and quasi-religious. A huge telephone with multiple extensions bears labels such as M study, M dressing room, M bathroom, Laundry, Music Room, Kitchen, Mews." And: "A lot of people are just really confused by me… They don't know what to think of me, so they try to compartmentalize me or diminish me. Maybe they just feel unsafe. But any time you have an overtly emotional or irrational, negative reaction to something, you're fearing something that it's bringing up in you." [Times Of London]
• Paula Abdul almost refused to co-present with Kathy Griffin at the VH1 Divas concert because of all the insulting jokes Kathy had made. [Gatecrasher]
• Amy Winehouse was leaving a nightclub recently when a passerby shouted "Oi Amy, where's your crack pipe?" [The Sun]
• Heidi Klum and Seal can't decide on a name for the baby girl they are expecting. Seal says: "It has been the topic of debate for the last month. We can't quite figure it out. I'm a firm believer that she will pop out and will tell us what she wants to be called." [Mirror]
• Charlize Theron's nude scene in The Burning Plain — in which she smokes a cigarette while standing at a window in full view of passersby in Portland, OR — was shot at 6 a.m. to avoid paparazzi. [Page Six]
• Oprah had a block party in Chicago and paid more than $54,000 for city services. [Ny Post]
• Joy Behar would love to get Sarah Palin on her new show on HLN and talk to her about the "real America." "It's insulting to men like my father, who fought in World War II, whom she doesn't think are real Americans because we don't agree with her." Joy also says: "Look, it's not that I'm contentious; I'm uncompromising. I'm friendly, but I can't let things go unchallenged. And I intend to give my opinions quite profusely. I might even have to interrupt myself." [New York Magazine]
• New couple? Kid Cudi and Amanda Bynes??? [Gatecrasher]
• They're saying Mischa Barton's a mess in the morning and needs someone to "fix" her coffee, but who isn't and who doesn't? [Page Six]
• So what is up with that Taylor Momsen record contract that allows her singing on Gossip Girl and the "Runaways Project"? She's not in the Runaways movie! Was she was supposed to get Dakota Fanning's part? Or does she have a secret cameo? [TMZ]
• Beth Ditto has banned her girlfriend from touring with her: "[It's] not because I don't think she can handle it, but because that's my life. Say what you want about me. Say it to my face, say it behind my back, write it on the fucking bathroom mirror, I don't care. But do not talk about the people I love. I will lose my mind." [NME]
• An ambulance was called to David Hasselhoff's house yesterday; apparently his 17-year-old daughter, who was home with him, called her mother, saying that David was extremely drunk. A friend of Pamela's called 911. [TMZ, TMZ]
• January Jones, aka Mad Men's Betty Draper, has purchased a lovely home in the Los Feliz neighborhood of L.A., and you can see the pix at the link. [The Real Estalker]
• The Guinness World Records board has refused to let the White Stripes into their record book for playing a one-note concert, due to insufficient interest. Twelve hundred people showed up to a gig in Canada where Jack White played an E. [Mirror]
• Stephen Moyer on his engagement to Anna Paquin: "It was very intimate and quite surprising for her, I think, and we were by ourselves at dinner in Hawaii and...I surprised her. But it was something that surprised me probably more than it surprised her." He also says: "She is very funny and very frank and very direct and beautiful… She doesn't take any of my nonsense." [E!]
• David Arquette and Ben Harper have a clothing line called Propr, and Arquette says: ""We love the idea of chivalry and going in an old-school barber… There's a quality that's in the finer details, like they really thought it out a step further." More from "A Night Out" with the duo at the link. [NY Times]
• Ryan O'Neal visited Farrah Fawcett's grave after their son, Redmond, was ordered to leave jail and go to rehab for a year. [Daily Mail, USA Today]
• Nicole's sister Antonia Kidman is engaged to Singapore-based banker Craig Marran. [News.com.au]
• Terry Gilliam got Johnny Depp to tango for The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus even though Johnny allegedly said "Men don't dance." [Mirror]
• Oy: Sacha Baron Cohen will play an Israeli tour guide on The Simpsons. [UPI]
• From a piece on John Malkovich's new film, Disgrace, set in post-apartheid South Africa: "[Malkovich's character] Lurie appears the virtual embodiment of white male arrogance, an English professor who views himself through the prism of Romantic poetry and who pursues an exploitive, obsessive affair with a much younger, mixed-race student. You can't say that he rapes her, but the issue of consent between an inexperienced young woman and a practiced seducer — one with direct power over her academic future — is complicated, to say the least." [Salon]
• Will Diddy switch record labels? [Page Six]
• Scott Weiland had a seizure on a plane while en route from Los Angeles to Florida, causing the plane to land in Dallas-Fort Worth; he is "doing great" now. [E!]
• Larry King hates frivolous lawsuits. [TMZ]
• John Travolta may be a witness at the trial for two people accused of trying to extort $25 million from him after his son died in the Bahamas. [AP]
• John Travolta says if he is called to testify, he will do so. [ET]
• Sources say John Travolta's testimony will be dramatic and emotional. [TMZ]
• Ozzy Osbourne's new memoir describes appearing on the MTV show The Osbournes as "terrifying" and like being "strapped to a rocket and being blasted through the stratosphere at warp factor ten." [Mirror]
• Leonard Cohen is recovering after collapsing on stage during a show in Spain; he reportedly had food poisoning. [UPI]
• James Blunt is accusing internet service providers of "handling stolen goods" by allowing file sharing and illegal downloads. [Telegraph]
• Anoushka Shankar, Ravi Shankar's daughter, had been the victim of a blackmail plot; an arrest has been made. [Independent]
• District 9 is not welcome in Nigeria. [NY Post]
• "Frustrated cops probing Jordan's claim to have been raped by a celebrity said yesterday they could do no more unless she co-operates." [The Sun]
• "You're not going to be successful. You're not going to be millionaires (with the exception of MAYBE Kris and Adam). No one will care about you. Those fans who've been asking for your autograph all tour long - 98 percent of them don't give a flying poo about you once next season of Idol starts. In other words, your days of being a star are over. But that's all right - so are mine… The music business, for the most part, will treat you like an outsider… You are just a game show contestant who still needs to prove why you should be here. Move to a music city. L.A., New York or Nashville Leave home and live WAY below your means." — Chris Sligh, former American Idol contestant, to other Idol singers, on his blog. [NY Post]
• "I was never in the high, high fashion industry. I was never one of those superskinny, supertall waif girls who goes from show to show. When you do more commercial things, your weight is allowed to fluctuate a bit. Not every inch counts. It's hard for the girls. How old are they? Fifteen, 16? Some girls are naturally thin and can eat whatever they want. When I was 15, 16, there was not one ounce of fat on me, but some other girls have to work hard to stay like that. But the rules are not made by the models. To be part of this, they have to be the size the designer wants them to be. I'm not that skinny, and I never was, but I can pretty much eat whatever I want." — Heidi Klum. [Page Six Magazine]
• "My dream was always to work in a candy store. It was because of my obsession with candy; I don't have it any more, now that my teeth are all rotten. I did go to a university for a year, as shocking as that might sound to people, and there was a candy shop that I used to go to all the time, an old-fashioned one where all the candy was in these big glass jars. I used to go in there and look at all the candy and think, ‘God, it would be really cool to work in here; I could have candy whenever I wanted.' So I did want the keys to the candy store, but I had different keys." —Madonna. [Times of London]
• "At first, I didn't know whether I'd be healthy enough to film a full season of an action-packed drama series. But soon I realized there was nothing I wanted to do more. We got in touch with the network to let them know about my diagnosis and I sent this message: 'Don't count me out. I can do this.' All I could think was: 'If I'm going out, I'd rather go out on a high note, doing quality work I believe in.'" — From Patrick Swayze's memoir, on doing The Beast with a cancer diagnosis. [Daily Mail]
• "We need to be the example of respect, of tolerance, and just how to be civil, can we do that? Even though I didn't win the crown that night I know that the Lord has so much of a bigger crown in heaven for me. I never asked to be thrown into politics… but you know what, I'm proud of the stance that I took and I'm glad that God upheld me for such a time as this." — Carrie Prejean. [NY Daily News]
• "Forget about playing Tony Blair. When I told her I was definitely playing vampire Aro in Twilight, she cried. She was so overwhelmed and annoyed that I muscled in on something that was hers. She's already told me she'll be my date for the premiere." — Michael Sheen's 10-year-old daughter, Lily is excited about his career for once. [Page Six]

• Donald Trump is calling for people to boycott Kanye West due to "Swift-gate," "so this kind of thing doesn't happen again." He says, "He couldn't care less about Beyonce. It was grandstanding to get attention." From one who'd know. [TMZ]

• Kanye West apologized again to Taylor Swift on his blog, writing: "I feel like Ben Stiller in "Meet the Parents" when he messed up everything and Robert De Niro asked him to leave... That was Taylor's moment and I had no right in any way to take it from her. I am truly sorry." He wrote another statement last night, but it was quickly deleted. [TMZ]
• Taylor Swift told reporters after the incident, "Well, I was standing on stage because I was really excited because I had just won the award. And then I was really excited because Kanye West was on stage. And then I wasn't so excited anymore after that." [Us]
• More celebrities are weighing in on Kanye. John Mayer Tweeted: "Big love to my girl @taylorswift13. A class act." Joel Madden writes: "WOW Taylor Swift's first VMA and she didn't even get to ENJOY it. Kanye You were just a bully on that one man." Katy Perry gets right to the point: "F**K U KANYE. IT'S LIKE U STEPPED 0N A KITTEN." [TMZ]
• Kanye may have messed with the wrong lady. The guy who played "Wolf" on American Gladiators wrote: "Just thought Kanye might want to know I hang with alot of the Country Artist and I will bump into him somewhere... HARD and several times!!! He is an ass and needs taken down, maybe Criss B can be there too. School is about to open and lessons about to be taught!" [TMZ]
• Kelly Clarkson wrote a blog post addressed to Kanye saying: "I've seen you do some pretty shitty things, but you just keep amazing me with your tactless, asshole ways. It's absolutely fascinating how much I don't like you. I like everyone. I even like my asshole ex that cheated on me over you… which is pretty odd since I don't even personally know you... The best part of this evening is that you weren't even up for THIS award and yet you still have a problem with the outcome. Is winning a moon man that much of a life goal?? You can have mine if it will shut you up. Is it that important, really??" [Rolling Stone]
• Even Joe Jackson bashed Kanye, saying, "I don't know what he was doing, he jumped up on stage and snatched that microphone out of that poor girl's hand. They should blackball him out of show business for that. He just leapt up there, that was bad." [TMZ]
• It seems Russell Brand is the only one who has any sympathy for Kanye. He says, "I know Kanye, and I know he's a nice bloke. We all make mistakes in life... We're all people, these things are a bit silly, no one died." [People]
• Telepictures, the production company behind Ellen DeGeneres' and Tyra Banks' shows, wants to develop a View-like show starring Kate Gosselin and Paula Deen. "They're looking around and casting for other women to be on the show with them," said a source. "But they want all the women to be moms." [E!]
• While co-hosting The View this morning, Kate Gosselin said of her divorce, "This is definitely, I'm not going to lie, difficult... For the sake of my children, I'm going to take the high road" and not discuss the matter further. [People]
• Kate Gosselin said at the Cleveland Women's show on Friday, "I've lost a lot of control in my life," adding, "At the beginning of all of this, you've heard me say before, I didn't want fans gawking, I didn't want people gawking, I just wanted to be myself, my family. I have learned, I appreciate your support, I need you, I love you, thank you." [Us]
• On the red carpet of the Toronto International Film Festival paparazzi told Colin Farrell's sister to move along so they could get a shot of him and he grabbed a photographer by the collar and shouted at him until he apologized. [Daily Mail]
• Ne-Yo has been in the studio with Rihanna, working on her next album. He says, "Expect an edgier, almost angrier Rihanna on this one... Rihanna says some things on this album that you've never heard her say before." [E!]
• "All kinds of things keep me grounded. My dogs and having to wake up and walk them every morning and having to walk them before bed at night," says Mischa Barton. "The routine of everything I do – going to work every day here and working on a television series and how much work that is." [People]
• Elton John and his partner David Furnish won't be able to adopt a 14-month-old HIV-positive boy from Ukraine because the country requires adoptive parents to be no older than 45 and married. Elton said, "He has stolen my heart. And he has stolen David's heart and it would be wonderful if we can have a home." [AP]
• Nick Hornby and Ben Folds wrote a song called "Levi Johnston's Blues," which includes the lyrics, "I like to do some shit, do some chillin' I guess/ You fuck with me and I'll kick your ass." [New York Magazine]
• Harrison Ford says, "The story for the new Indiana Jones is in the process of taking form...Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and myself are agreed on what the fifth adventure will concern, and George is actively at work. If the script is good, I'll be very happy to put the costume on again." [People]
• Hulk Hogan is suing his own lawyers because he claims he paid them more than $1 million to represent his son Nick after his 2007 car crash but the law firm never informed him that his insurance company offered to represent him for free. [TMZ]
• Terri Irwin is getting caught up in a legal battle with the distributor of Croc Chocs and Zoogle Jellies, candies that feature a photo of Steve Irwin and are sold at the Australia Zoo. [News.com.au]
• The ACLU says Richard Hatch is being held under "harsh" conditions in a Masssachusetts jail for giving an unauthorized interview while he was on house arrest, and is being kept in solitary confinement for 23 hours a day. [USA Today]
• Oprah Winfrey says she's willing to go to Cophenhagen next month to help convince the International Olympic Committee that they should pick Chicago for the 2016 Summer Olympics. Chicago is up against Tokyo, Madrid, and Rio de Janeiro. [Chicago Tribune]
• Oprah Winfrey says even though she threw her support behind Barack Obama during the campaign, "I have not said one thing about this political situation and don't intend to... Everybody knows that I was a big campaigner for Obama and I still am. I think he's doing a great job. I think that it's the toughest job in the world with the economy and health care and all of that." [AP]
• Seth Meyers says he'll be doing 'Weekend Update' alone on the upcoming season of SNL, despite reports that Kristen Wiig would become his co-anchor. "I'm so heartbroken that the Internet, for the first time, was wrong about something," Meyers said. "How are we ever going to trust the Internet again?" [CNN]
• Lil Wayne's first child with Lauren London was born last Wednesday, and singer Nivea claims that she's also pregnant with his child. He already has two children from previous relationships. [E!]
• Michael Bay says he doesn't approve a letter from the crew of Transformers calling Megan Fox stupid and ungracious after she compared Bay to Hitler. He wrote on his website, "I don't condone the crew letter to Megan... and I don't condone Megan's outlandish quotes. But her crazy quips are part of her crazy charm. The fact of the matter is I still love working with her, and I know we still get along. I even expect more crazy quotes from her on 'Transformers 3.'" [UPI]
• On the finale of America's Got Talent on Wednesday nigh,t Susan Boyle will wear a Suzanne Neville dress the designer says will "really wow" the crowd. She says, "The brief was to make Susan look super elegant and so we created a long, classic black gown for Susan to wear." [People]
• At the Toronto Film Festival David Duchovny said of his wife Tea Leoni and their two kids, "I had to leave them this morning to come here – that's tough," adding that though he and Tea separated last fall now at home, "Everything is great." [People]
• RHOA's Kandi Burrus says of her relationship with her fiance AJ, "We're on hiatus. He's a great guy and he's not the type to sit on his behind like a scrub, so it has nothing to do with that. Yes, he has a lot of children, and yes, I didn't know about them all at first but I got over it because as long as you handle your responsibility and spend time with your children it's not an issue for me. Another thing I want to set the record straight on is that AJ was married before. A lot of people make comments like, if he didn't marry his other children's mothers then why do you think he's going to marry you." [ONTD]
• Robert Downey, Jr. says of his relationship with Jamie Foxx's character in The Soloist, "In some ways the film feels like a love-story. A platonic love story, of course. But it's also about faith – about believing in that connection between people, and to me that means believing in ourselves. It's funny to say this about what I guess is a big Hollywood movie, but actually it feels like something more personal, something quite pure." [The Telegraph]
• Beth Ditto says she doesn't mind that many people know who she is, but have never heard her music. She explains: "I'm not someone who says, 'It's all about the music, dude.' As a woman I think the media really want to see you demonised for having a life outside your musical family. A woman has her nuclear family, and that's supposed to be all there is, and if she steps outside that role of wife, mother or daughter to become an independent personality, she's immediately criticised for neglecting her motherly duty. That's exactly how I feel about Gossip; like I should have that motherly duty to my band. If I were a man I don't think it would be a problem." [The Independent]

[London, September 8. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

[Cologne, Germany; September 2. Image via WENN]

Of course, the selection process for this week's name was a complicated one. Despite its reported popularity around election time, Barack failed to make the 2008 ranking of the top 1,000 baby names. We could have examined this news further, but we're currently biased towards female names. Even with this restriction, though, there were a lot of choices. A look at BabyNames.com reveals Bandana, Betelgeuse (say it three times and see what you get), and Beagan (is that Meagan with a B?). But ultimately, we decided to go with an old favorite.

Beth as a stand-alone name has declined in popularity from a peak in 1960, and it didn't make the top 1,000 in 2008. A variant on Elizabeth or Bethany, it doesn't always get a lot of respect on its own. It doesn't seem to have its own Wikipedia page, and a user on The Baby Name Wizard says, "Everyone assumes my real name is Elizabeth or Bethany, I don't mind." Which is just like a Beth!

Of all of the ways to shorten Elizabeth, Beth sounds the sweetest and the softest. It eliminates the 'z' that makes Lizzie sound sassy and Liz sound sharp, and it doesn't have the old-fashioned spark of Betty (which always make think of Betties Boop and Grable before I think of Cooper). And of course there's Beth from Little Women, the shy, saintly sister who dies of scarlet fever. All in all, Beth just sounds nice — the kind of unassuming girl who'd give you her fruit rollup if you forgot your lunch, or hold your hair while you vomit, and never ask for credit.

Celebrity Beths don't necessarily bear these assumptions out. Beth Ditto's far from unassuming, although according to Michelle Tea she is pretty nice. And model Beth Ostrosky either had to be super-sweet or not sweet at all to marry Howard Stern. Singer Beth Orton doesn't really seem to fit the profile either — or, frankly, any profile. So, maybe our image of the nice, quiet Beth is little simplistic. Beths and Beth-allies, what do you think? Feel free to chime in loudly and angrily.

Few Baby Baracks, But Emmas Abound [NYT]
Beth [The Baby Name Wizards]

Earlier: A Is For Anna: What My First Name Says About Me

[London, August 27. Image via WENN.]

Tea, whose last contribution to The Believer was an excellent 2006 essay that offered a queer theory reading of the Annual Taxidermy Convention, Competition, And Trade Show, here offers up a light Paris diary. But in between the Karl Lagerfeld and the Kanye West and the Kate Moss (who actually, during one climactic moment, walks up to Tea and pushes her), there are some real insights.

For one, sexuality issues in fashion are given a hearing, not least because Tea, a lesbian, is accompanying fellow lesbians Ditto, and Tara Perkins — the "Annie Oakley" behind the Sex Workers' Art Show Tour — who manages the Gossip. The fact that the three women are described as having each grown up very poor also motivates Tea to write some eloquent statements about fashion's foundational exclusivity, and about what it means to be on one side of the velvet rope. After being waved past a group of "queer boys with great style and no connections" outside the Nina Ricci show, Ditto remarks, "I've got survivor's guilt. I've got punk guilt."

We all know there's plenty to hate about the insanity of the consumer-driven, needs-manufacturing, world of fashion. But Tea also offers a cogent apologia for liking overpriced clothes:

"For a long time I hated beauty for the way people used it as a measuring stick to beat people, especially women. But I came to believe in a vast idea of beauty, one that included me and all my beautiful weirdo friends As for more conventional beauty, I didn't have to hate it just because people let it make them stupid. My attitude moved from the conceptual to the concrete: Take a beautiful dress. Say it's a Rodarte dress, made by these sort of creepy, gothic sisters who live with their parents in Pasadena. Their dresses look like a storybook princess messed them up while wearing them on a jaunt through the space-time continuum. They are torn tulle and stiff corset and lots of lace and flowers and fluffy bullshit stuck all over the place. Parts make you wonder if these sisters, the Mulleavy sisters — see, even their names make you think of the dark family landscape of a Joyce Carol Oates novel — are employing some sort of spider-beast to do their weaving. The dresses cost upwards of ten thousand dollars at Barneys. At one time in my psychological development, this would have made me hate the dresses, hate the designers, hate those poseur Mulleavy sisters, hate anyone and everyone who could afford them, hate capitalism, hate the world, hate the universe and whatever string of incomprehensible events led to the big bang. Now I think — when I go into Barneys to visit these dresses (the way I have gone to the SPCA to visit with various animals I can't adopt), to just pet their glorious fabrics and marvel at the endless detailing and giggle at the whimsical appliqués — I think: It isn't the dress's fault that it's so expensive. I love it like a living thing, and visit it at this department store. I don't love a painting on a museum wall any less for not being able to own it."

Beth Ditto comes across extremely well in the story. She seems kind, and down-to-earth; she can't sleep alone, and sometimes even then she has to make up jokes to combat insomnia. ("What do D&D-playing goth couples fight about the most? The thermoLeStat! Get it?") She spends hours doing different hair and makeup looks for the women in her life — she says if she weren't in a rock band, she'd be in beauty school. She goes to breakfast at her fancy Paris hotel in her pajamas. And Ditto is light years away from the typical raised-in-privilege star: Tea describes how she grew up "in a part of Arkansas with no MTV, no telephones, no indoor plumbing, and no money."

Yet everyone is on the star swag gravy train; Ditto and Perkins went "shopping" in London prior to fashion week, retrieving articles of clothing from designers' showrooms for nada. Even the girlfriend of a Gossip member grabs a free fur from Fendi. As Ditto puts it, "If people think you're rich they give you things. If they think you're poor, they don't give you anything." The true import of this paradox — the idea that fashion relies on a vast underclass whose belief in the value of products they could never afford actually inflates those very products' prices high enough that the profits they make for the label can be invested in giving away shit to those who actually could afford to buy at the inflated value — is regrettably never fully explored. If fashion is, even in part, a giant system for the regressive redistribution of wealth, then surely Tea could have drilled down on these issues with a source as articulate and informed as Ditto.

Many of Tea's criticisms of the fashion industry, seen through the particular seven-day-circus of fashion week, are similarly implicit. When discussing Ditto's magazine appearances, Tea notes that "magazines are always wanting to dress Beth burlesque, in feathers and corsets and other looks that died out around the turn of the present century, or else they want her to be naked. Beth's onstage stripping has more in common with Iggy Pop's frolicking in broken glass than a burlesque act." The fact that the nudity and burlesque concepts ends up reinforcing one of the tritest and most tired stereotypes about larger women — that they must be lusciously sexually available — must be an annoyance to Ditto, who puts down stereotypes like it's her job, but her reaction is not stated in Tea's piece, beyond the implication that Ditto finds burlesque shoots boring. And although Tea attributes this failure of magazines' imagination in part to "stylists unused to dressing fat girls," she fails to note the number one structural constraint of the industry that influences how Ditto might be styled: magazines shoot fashion samples. Fashion samples are made in tiny sizes. Any celebrity who can't fit into the ridiculously sized clothes is likely to be asked to pose naked. The industry that Ditto loves, and which claims extravagantly to love Ditto back (an LED screen at a party reads "FENDI <3 BETH"), cannot bring itself to make clothing she can wear, except by special arrangement.

Tea evidently likes Ditto; indeed, from the way she comes across in this essay — feminist, self-possessed, genuine — it would be impossible not to like her. But it seems like Tea's affection for her source kept her from asking, at crucial junctures, some hard questions. This shyness, this willingness to go right up to the edge of any of the contradictions that strikes through the heart of the fashion industry, but no further, is the only thing that keeps this piece from being truly excellent. All the sleepovers and makeovers and fashion parties make one yearn for something just a little bit deeper. To a certain extent, this problem of perspective ends up mirroring the frothiness of fashion itself. As Cathy Horyn once wrote, although there are many lively and informative angles from which to interrogate the fashion industry, from inside that world, perspective can be limited: "Fashion ain't deep. It looks into a mirror and sees...itself."

But although Tea's essay is at times perhaps a little too inclined to take the industry at face value, she understands and articulates a lot that most professional fashion writers never seem to get across. Perhaps it takes a genuine grown-up high school misfit to notice that most, if not all, fashion people are not the "cool" kids aged 10 years: "Though many would think of the term fashion people and conjure rail-thin, snotty, sickeningly wealthy women and their male counterparts, in reality, a lot of fashion people are ex-nerds, small-town gays who dressed eccentrically and got made fun of for being flamboyant and fruity." It really is a world populated by people who were always made to feel different. (Of course, having been at one time intimately acquainted with one's own disempowerment isn't necessarily a prophylactic against replicating that power structure later, in a new context, with oneself in a more secure place, and perhaps that is where the industry's "snottiness" comes from.)

At the end of the week, after Tea and Perkins sneak goodie bags and bump into Nan Goldin, and after Ditto talks with Vivienne Westwood about Leonard Peltier, the Gossip plays a Fendi after-party at the VIP Club wearing a specially-made sequin-and-fur ensemble she can take off, piece by piece — "a wonderful Russian nesting doll of an outfit," as Tea puts it. Ditto takes the stage, and announces, "I'm very, very rich!" before throwing her fur headpiece into the audience, and the band starts to play. The writer reflects:

"Even though I have been here all week, knowing that every moment was leading to this, watching Beth accosted by photographers and flattered by designers, I still cannot get over how this little band that I have known for so long, this indie queer feminist punk band, is the absolute star of the Fendi show. The reality is staggering. In many ways it shouldn't be a surprise — less-talented, less-interesting, less-charismatic artists get famous all the time. They just tend not to be so outspokenly queer, so flamboyantly fat, so poor in their roots, so disconnected from the music industry, with no secret dad producer or mom publicist. The Gossip got to this lit-up stage in Paris through the force of their own dogged dedication to their DIY garage-rock band. It makes my eyes fill with fucking tears."

If fashion — or music, for that matter — needed defending, that call-to-arms is plenty good enough for me.

All cell phone photos by Michelle Tea, courtesy of the Believer

Full disclosure: In 2006, I was a summer intern for The Believer and McSweeney's. I did a lot of fact-checking and tried to interest them in an essay about hoboes.

The Gossip Takes Paris [The Believer]
Charming Deformities [The Believer]
Conspicuous By Their Presence [NYTimes]

[Nyon, Switzerland; July 22. Image via Getty]

[Weston-Super-Mare, U.K., July 19. Image via Getty]

The "One Poll," whatever that is, asked "2600 lesbians " who their hero was. No word on whether they were given free choice or given a list of "popular entertainers," although some of the picks have us leaning towards the latter. Anyway, the world's prom queen, Angelina Jolie, was rated #1, "due to her figure, physique and fashion sense. " One more hurdle cleared in the path to world domination?

The entire "top 20" list is as follows:

1. Angelina Jolie

2. Madonna

3. Pink

4. Martina Navratilova

5. Ellen DeGeneres

6. Kylie Minogue

7. Lady Gaga

8. Annie Lennox

9. Beyoncé

10. Germaine Greer

11. Liza Minnelli

12. Gwen Stefani

13. Cher

14. Janet Jackson

15. Tori Amos

16. Britney Spears

17. Cyndi Lauper

18. Scarlet Johansson

19. Sarah Jessica Parker

20. Dolly Parton

Listen, we defend any lesbian's right to lionize an asinine group of people - and hell, who doesn't love Dolly? - but we must confess to a little surprise that a list of lesbian heroes contained only two, you know, lesbians. And no offense to any of them, but we find it a little hard to believe that Sarah Jessica Parker, Liza, and ScarJo - what, no Katy Perry? - beat out the following:

- Rachel Maddow. C'mon now. Maybe it's a British poll, but we like to think some things transcend a common language. Cher did! And maybe more straight women would sleep with Angelina (since these polls are always forcing them to pull a Katy Perry), but more smart straight women would choose Maddow. And wait for it - we'd also hang out with her platonically!

- Wanda Sykes. Out, proud, ballsy, funny? We see your Britney Spears (wtf?) and raise you.

-Sandra Bernhard. You want icons? We personally think she should knock Madonna down several rungs.

-Beth Ditto. Pink's fine and all, but here's an actual activist who also happens to write her own music, be a fashion icon, and rock.

-Jeanette Winterson. We're glad Germaine Greer made the cut, but Winterson's that rare thing, a smart bestseller.

And if we want classics, sure you need Ellen and Martina, but seriously, people - what about Melissa Etheridge?

(Oh, wait, Angelina Jolie's flack just appeared at the door with a gun. We take it back.)

Angelina Jolie Is Ultimate Lesbian Heroine [Telegraph]

Harding is enraged by items like acid-washed denim, shapeless sweater dresses and an oversized cat T-shirt. She argues that if you remember the 80s, like she does, then you'll recall:

For decades, the plus-size fashion desert was one more inescapable message to larger women that we were other, less than, undeserving of the nice things made widely available to women who were closer to the cultural beauty standard — that we were supposed to shut up and take whatever they gave us, because it wasn't like we could ever look pretty anyway…

That's why that stupid cat T-shirt (and related atrocities) feels like such a slap in the face to many of us, after we dared to hope for something different and better. Meet the new fat clothes, same as the old fat clothes.

But the thing is, at least Harding has something to critique. In a time when Ann Taylor has stopped carrying size 16 in its stores and Old Navy has phased out its plus-size section except online, plus-sized shoppers need choices. Maybe Beth Ditto's splangled, '80s leggings aren't for everyone, but for those desiring a cat T-shirt need not feel left out. Harding does concede that it's all about options: "Having real choices when it comes to expressing ourselves through clothing does feel a bit luxurious, even if domino-print leggings don't."

A Slap In The Face To Fat Girls [Salon]
Earlier: Beth Ditto Makes Plus-Size Clothing Fun, Sequined, 80s

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.No Pants - Sometimes. I'm on record in my opposition to the exposed-ass look, but sometimes there's nothing like a men's shirt and gams for pure sex appeal. Just ask Elaine Stritch.


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Color - a lot of it. So what if everyone looks at you? You're brightening their day - and they're looking on your terms.


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Absurdly Big Hair. If you're lucky enough to have an old-school beauty shop nearby, they'll know how to crank out a classic beehive, and cheaply enough that you can just rock it for an evening to the movies. There is nothing like the supreme confidence of absolutely stiff hair. And yes, wigs are awesome too - plus an afternoon in a good wig shop is an afternoon well spent.


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Completely Unique Makeup. Anyone can be "flawless." Lynn Yaeger's made a career of looking totally like her vision of herself. And for something that would seem to be self-conscious, it's done totally un-self-consciously. Isn't that really the key?


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Golden Girls chic. Which one, you ask? Well, you really can't go wrong: from bedazzled sweat suits to big-shouldered power jackets to leopard-print caftans, nothing says confidence like a little mid-80's Miami heat. And if it matters to you, this is actually a good look for hipster-heavy situations, because no one knows what to make of it and so, fearing what they don't understand, automatically respect and fear you. Also: easy to source at thrift stores.


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Wear an Enormous Hat. Bring the hat back. It's bold. It's completely gratuitous. It's the sort of thing that, unless you're in a costumey phase, you simply don't do as a teenager. Because being grown-up is wonderful.



What Not To Wear Beyond Your Teens [MSN]

• The return of Mad Men is a mere 37 days away, and the AMC show has struck a deal with Banana Republic:

The retailer will be selling a line inspired by the suits worn by the gentlemen of Sterling Cooper. (The show has also partnered with Clorox, so look for cheeky collar-bleaching spots.) [Vulture, NY Times]

• It's riveting to watch one of Chanel's couture looks being made. Whatever one thinks of the design, the craft of couture is magic. The concentration in the atelier flou's eyes as she makes the toile is an inspiration. [The Cut]
• David Lauren thinks now is as good a time as any for Ralph Lauren to launch a watch division selling $10,000-$80,000 timepieces. Marie Claire will probably still advertise them. [WWD]
• That gorgeous nude-and-black dress Emma Watson wore on David Letterman's show on Tuesday night to promote her movie was by Christopher Kane. [Grazia]
• Come this September, you'll be seeing Justin Timberlake starring in ads for two simultaneously developed and released Givenchy scents, called Play and Play Intense. [WWD]
• Accessories designer Tarina Tarantino marked the 70th anniversary of The Wizard of Oz with an Oz-themed collection — and by shooting Kelly Osborne and Debi Mazar as Glenda the Good Witch and the Wicked Witch of the West, respectively. [CBS]
• Couture week closed yesterday, which motivated the Daily to reflect on those comrades who were missing. Anna Wintour, who has never missed the couture collections before, wasn't there. Nor was her counterpart at British Vogue, Alexandra Shulman, or T magazine's Stefano Tonchi. Celebs down for the count included frequent couture customer Dita von Teese. [FWD]
• Another fashion mystery: Why has Peter Copping's first collection for Nina Ricci, Resort 2010, been delayed by one month and counting? Time's Kate Betts hasn't seen the collection, but says "an extremely reliable Parisian source" says it's "great." Copping, formerly Marc Jacobs' right-hand-man at Louis Vuitton, replaced Olivier Theyskens in the middle of his contract earlier this year. [Fashionologie]
• Fendi is "taking a break" from producing a men's wear collection. The 84-year-old Italian company is hoping to be back in the men's game by next season. [WWD]
• Do you ever question the entire nature of fashion week? The tug-and-pull of the trade/consumer focus? The fact that retailers have come to expect new deliveries monthly, not semi-annually? Do you ponder the impact of nonetheless timing the ready-to-wear collections twice per year, and the effects of having pictures of next season's clothing available instantly online months out from production? If so, you're probably a designer, and the CFDA wants to hear from you this July 28, at a townhall meeting that promises to put up for discussion everything about fashion week. What with MAC looking to produce competing shows at Milk Studios, and the coming change in venue from Bryant Park to Lincoln Center, the talk — moderated by Diane von Furstenberg — is timely. [WWD]
• Alexander Wang is debuting his first menswear collection later this month in the pages of T. And according to rumor, for his women's wear show this September, Wang will be eschewing the styling help of his friend, model Erin Wasson. In Wasson's place will be Karl Templer, who styles Calvin Klein (and worked for Interview magazine last year — or maybe he's been hired back, we can't keep track of that revolving door anymore). [Sassybella]
• Meet 20-year-old Rochelle Owen, whose job it is to help customers with Beth Ditto's clothing line at the Evans store in the Meadowhall shopping center in the UK. Her pic is fierce! And the "voluptuous size 20" says: "Beth's style is very much my look, I dress to be noticed and love girly clothes, bright colours and funky dresses with leggings and loads of accessories." [The Star]
• A day at the office with Aussie brand Ksubi: "Shit fucking happens." [BlackBook]
• Uh-oh: "The Consumer Product Safety Council recalled 3,200 pairs of Charles David of California women's shoes sold at Nordstrom." One report of a heel breaking off, resulting in bruising. [WWD</a.]
• Juicy Couture is closing its 3,300 sq. ft. store at Madison Avenue and 70th St. The rent ran $2 million a year, and the company simply cannot afford to continue paying it. [WWD]
• This June, retailers saw on average a 4.7% decline in comparable sales, supposedly because it was such a rainy, miserably month, nobody felt like shopping — and certainly not for summer clothes. But if that's the case, why were sales in the largely sunnier month of May down 4.2%? We think it's the economy, stupid. [Crain's]
• Abercrombie alone saw sales tumble 32% on last year. And a lot of companies' spin-off brands — like Abercrombie's now-closed Ruehl — are suffering even worse. American Eagle's Martin + Osa isn't faring well, and Aeropostale's Jimmy'z has already closed. J. Crew now thinks it priced offerings at its Madewell spinoff too high. [WaPo]
• And the apparel crowd doesn't expect the back-to-school season to be much better. [WSJ]
• One sector that still has the luxury of 35% margins: online, members-only designer sale e-tailers, like Gilt Groupe, RueLaLa, and HauteLook. They have virtually nil marketing costs, and their small inventories actually enhance demand by creating scarcity. [WSJ]
• New York-based fashion chain Scoop, which is being sued for employment violations by 17 ex-staffers, is allegedly behind in its payments to numerous of its creditors, too. "They're unresponsive in their accounts payable department," said Gary Wassner, president of Hildun Corp. "They're not cooperative. They're not providing any financial information to make any kind of analysis of how they're doing. In today's market, it's important to be transparent...Clients are shipping at their own risk." Rosenthal & Rosenthal's Michael Stanley said, "We're very concerned about the status of the account." Robert J. Wichser, a representative of Scoop's owners, says the company is "financially sound" and currently looking for a new CEO. The last one left in February, which is when Hildun Corp. says the company stopped paying its bills. [WWD]