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3 Ways Women's Fitness Magazines Destroy The Soul

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angelina jolie-laide is a gaudy tulip
11/24/08

In reply to 3 Ways Women's Fitness Magazines Destroy The Soul
I hate them because I'm a lazy godless hedonist and they are the antithesis of my being. Work out? PAH.
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Red-headed bookworm
11/24/08

In reply to 3 Ways Women's Fitness Magazines Destroy The Soul
Oh, and every once in awhile I pick up Hers Muscle and Fitness. That's pretty cool. Strong women and they even had the fitness models' weights when they weren't at their peak.
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DogsIndeed
11/24/08

In reply to 3 Ways Women's Fitness Magazines Destroy The Soul
If *petting* my dog can give me e coli, what will kissing him on the mouth do to me??
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braak: You are, as usual, completely correct.
11/24/08

@DogsIndeed: Probably? G. coli.
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angelina jolie-laide is a gaudy tulip
11/24/08

@DogsIndeed: Make you feel fabulous!
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lillywolf
11/24/08

In reply to 3 Ways Women's Fitness Magazines Destroy The Soul
I think the most irritating part, for me, are the 'exercises' promoted to help you get those great abs/thighs/butt etc. Some teeny tiny woman in spandex and sport bra and cute ponytail posing and NOT A SPECK OF SWEAT.
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Cafezinha
11/24/08

@lillywolf: Sweat means you're working too hard. You might start bulking up if you keep up with that sweating nonsense when you work out.
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berkeleygrrl
11/24/08

In reply to 3 Ways Women's Fitness Magazines Destroy The Soul
Once I started working with a personal trainer who teaches me to do awesome stuff to become STRONGER and more badass, I naturally stopped buying, looking at, or even thinking about those magazines. Now I think about my deadlift, snatch (heh) and adding another half mile to my run, not bikinis and diets. Oh, and I started to drop weight and build muscle like never before. It. Is. The. Best. I hope this isn't blog pimping but it's on topic and uber-insprational: her blog is www.fitnessfixation.com.
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Cafezinha
11/24/08

@berkeleygrrl: Woo, snatch!

I love dropping that term in with folks that don't pick up heavy shit for recreation. It makes them drop things.

/meathead giggling
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mauvelous
11/24/08

@berkeleygrrl: I used to feel like this too when I was playing a sport in college. Now that I'm done with college and sport-less, I've come to the realization that I want to do weightlifting to look good and maybe because I want to outlift someone. I need a mental adjustment.

Although it would be really nice to learn how to power clean effectively, and without fear of throwing my back out.
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sumerfish
11/24/08

@mauvelous is trying to keep up: Once you start your mind will change. It's boring to keep up with what pant size you are. It's way more fun to figure out how many cannonballs you could hurl.
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happysquid
11/24/08

@berkeleygrrl: My weight-training secret is not having a car and schlepping my groceries. I have biceps Madonna would envy.
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Tart of Darkness
11/24/08

@sumerfish: My fitness secret is having a horse. There's a lot of lifting involved as well as balance and aerobics (anyone who says that the posting trot is not an aerobic exercise is crazy.) I find that because it's movement that I truly enjoy, I don't think of it as exercise as much as fun and I don't care so much about my weight or clothing size.
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Shamrockette
11/24/08

@Tart of Darkness: Exactly! They make fitness and health out to be more complicated than it should be. Also they make it seem like it's an activity you HAVE to do, even if you don't enjoy it.

The biggest fitness secret is to do things that you enjoy. It's good to have variety, but as long as you're doing something you enjoy, who cares?
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the once and future estrojen
11/24/08

In reply to 3 Ways Women's Fitness Magazines Destroy The Soul
One last bitchery about these magazines: The styling. What I want to know is, who the hell goes camping wearing a quasi-thong bikini bottom with an Irish fisherman's sweater and Wellington boots? Who?
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tscheese
11/24/08

In reply to 3 Ways Women's Fitness Magazines Destroy The Soul
Does anyone else get really depressed over the "(CELEBRITY_NAME_HERE)'s DIET! HOW SHE DID IT! STEP BY STEP! LOSE 30 LBS FAST JUST LIKE (CELEB)!"

And it shows some insanely toned, oiled up, tanned, sleek starlet in carefully-fitted little workout shorts and a demure racerback tank, maneuvering some light hand weights, under the careful ministrations of an adoring trainer, with bright sunshiney colors everywhere? And a little sidebar in kicky sans-serif font that shows you what she ate, when she woke up, how many reps she did, how much cardio, in excruciating detail?

And you think, "If it's so easy, why am I not doing this?" And then you feel really bad? Because you only think of the "Ugh, I can't lose 30 lbs in two weeks like whatsherface, I must be defective?" And you don't internalize the fact that you have an hour-long commute and you're stuck behind a desk eight hours a day and you can't afford a Maserati full of organic macrobiotic kelp nuts, or a personal trainer, or any number of exotic chemicals that starlets may or may not be ingesting to promote weight loss?

Or am I the only one?
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Cafezinha
11/24/08

@tscheese: You are not alone.

I especially adore (read = loathe) the ones about stars with kids that are tight, toned, and excess-skin-free 5 weeks postpartum, while I remain with a 'kangaroo pouch' from the twins, 6 years later.

Never mind that I'm healthy as a horse. I don't wear spandex like Kelly Ripa. Therefore, I = fail.
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the once and future estrojen
11/24/08

@tscheese: *snort* Kelp nuts. Are they like Wheat Nuts? Because if they are, I want a big plastic jarful.
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Cafezinha
11/24/08

@estrojen: And Grape Nuts! And soy nuts!

Nuts. Now I'm hungry.
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rollergirl76
11/24/08

@tscheese: When I see those articles, I have to keep telling myself that these celebs get paid to look good. They have personal chefs, strict work out routines where their trainers come to them, and if all else fails have unlimited money to buy any kind of plastic surgery under the sun.
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Grim Reaper of the Forest
11/24/08

@tscheese: I'm not jealous of the weight loss, but of the chefs and personal trainers and beachside mansions that make the weight loss possible.
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happysquid
11/24/08

@Cafezinha: We're Nuts about Nuts!

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Tart of Darkness
11/24/08

@rollergirl76: I threw Oprah's guru's Bob Greene's first book across the room when Oprah was writing about him getting her up at five a.m. to go running. I'd be thin and fit if someone followed me around all day forcing me to exercise and fixing me healthy meals. And the fact that Oprah has not been able to consistently keep her weight down IN SPITE OF THIS is a lesson to us all.
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aprilmayhem
11/24/08

In reply to 3 Ways Women's Fitness Magazines Destroy The Soul
that's total bullshit about the baked potato! the potato is a perfectly healthy, nature-made root that people ate to gain nutrients before the advent of all these processed foods. as long as you don't slather it in butter or cream cheese, it's NOT going to put any extra pounds on you. medium sized baked potato= 160 calories, 0.2 grams of fat, 36 carbs, 4.8 grams protein. "health" mags, quit demonizing the delicious baked potato!
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Tart of Darkness
11/24/08

@aprilmayhem: A small serving of healthy fat (non-saturated non-transfat) on a baked potato also lowers its hypoglycemic index because you digest the carbs from it slower. Why can't we be sensible about these things instead of demonizing certain foods?
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Devonna
11/24/08

In reply to 3 Ways Women's Fitness Magazines Destroy The Soul
Oh, I don't think Women's Health is that bad. I also like how they feature tips from Gina Trapani.

Though their cover girls often look unhealthy to me. Cellulite is not the devil.
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Cafezinha
11/24/08

In reply to 3 Ways Women's Fitness Magazines Destroy The Soul
You know, you'd think I'd be ALL about these kind of rags. I am the mildly obnoxious certified Fitness Nut® in my social group, preach the joys of whole foods (especially fibre--it makes you poop! Pooping is good!), do 423,947 different active awesome things, and though not a Self cover model, am in pretty darn good shape.

But.

Self and Fitness just piss me off. They need to change their titles from the former to "Skinniness", because that seems to be the obsessive focus. You can't live a real life following their tips. If you have to use shotglasses for food measurement (OMGWTFBBQ), this is not a healthy way to live. It's sick. It's obsessive, neurotic, and if that's the only way you can get close to looking like bikini-lady-on-the-front, EES NO GOOD! Adjust your habits so that you feel good, exercise so it complements your life instead of taking over it, and so on and so forth.

(Christ, you can tell this is a raw spot for me--as the "fat girl" aerobics instructor at my former place of employment, I was the reject of the group because I wouldn't eat non-fat sugar-free everything and I lifted weights to gain muscle instead of "toning".)
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sumerfish
11/24/08

@Cafezinha: I just got into an argument with a male peer today too...

TONING ISN'T REAL.

I hate hate hate Self/Shape because they're straight up WRONG. Not only do they want you to eat ridiculous things, the exercise suggestions straight up don't work.

If I read one more magazine that suggests that I can have supermodel legs by doing three leg lifts with no weight once a day for two weeks...ugh. The only way to do that would be to have supermodel legs to begin with.

If you want to "tone" you have to lose fat and gain muscle. The real way. With heavy weights. That you stole from the grunting dudes in the weight room.
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whynotshesaid
11/25/08

@sumerfish: That's why I love the women's version of Muscle and Fitness. That magazine is a pink-weight-free zone! Those ladies do bicep curls with 25 lb. dumbbells! It's incredible.
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andBegorrah
11/24/08

In reply to 3 Ways Women's Fitness Magazines Destroy The Soul
They're boring, treat food like an enemy, and remind you of your mortality - this is why I don't need these magazines. I already have aunts.
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badmutha
11/24/08

@andBegorrah: ZING!
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Mafalda para Presidente
11/24/08

In reply to 3 Ways Women's Fitness Magazines Destroy The Soul
That's why I never read fitness magazines. I get all my diet and health advice from my 95 year old greatgrandmother, which I will gladly share with you all here:

Advice #1: Eat your damn breakfast!

Advice #2: Don't eat that crap!

Advice #3: Here, drink this tea.

Advice #4: What do you think you're doing snacking at 10pm?

Advice #5: Chicken soup.

You're welcome.
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Grim Reaper of the Forest
11/24/08

@Mafalda para Presidente: I think more magazines need an advice column from grandmas. In fact, I'm sure your great grandmother could use some extra cash.
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Witchtit: Your low productivity advisor
11/24/08

In reply to 3 Ways Women's Fitness Magazines Destroy The Soul
"Cut two holes. One is for shoving in leafy greens. The other is for sex, but only because it's good for you"

Uhm..probably need to cut a third hole to evacuate the leafy greens...may be useful for sex too come to think of it.
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PrettyPrettyPrincess
11/24/08

@Witchtit: I concur. I am a naughty girl and I like to use all my parts efficiently. Oh wait, maybe the fitness mags don't approve of that either.

I haz a sad
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Witchtit: Your low productivity advisor
11/24/08

@PrettyPrettyPrincess: LOL! Probably just need to make sure that both functions are well coordinated with no overlap (unless wished for but frankly that is way beyond my level at this point).
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PrettyPrettyPrincess
11/24/08

@Witchtit: Definitely no overlap! That's a bit too advanced for me as well.

But you are right - leaving greens are definitely going to be promoting some sort of action
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stacyinbean
11/24/08

In reply to 3 Ways Women's Fitness Magazines Destroy The Soul
For some reason I received both the November and December copies of 'Women's Health' about two weeks ago. Not only are these the most BORING two magazines in existence there is little to no substance in the pages of the magazine. Also, Taylor Swift was on the front of one of them. I'm sorry but 98% of the women in this country do not want to see a size 0, 18 year old on the cover of a magazine called WOMEN's Health.
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Dwangela
11/24/08

@stacyinbean: I posted this in response to another comment above, but it's worth repeating. Women's Health USED to be good until a few issues ago. It used to be snarky without being condescending, and covered health in a way that I haven't seen any other women's magazines accomplish. But they're moving toward a new direction--one that includes celebs on the cover, even more celebs inside the book, more beauty and fashion, and less substance overall. I blame Dave Zinczenko, who took over as editorial director earlier this year.
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Red-headed bookworm
11/24/08

@Dwangela: Yeah, I'm a little leary of the new format. I'll give it a chance, but I miss the workouts and fitness info. I work out and I liked the new exercises to try so I don't keep doing the same thing all the time. Maybe we should complain to Women's Health about it. I enjoyed when it was less beauty articles. That's not what I'm reading it for. I'm reading it for exercise tips, info and news about women's health issues and interesting things to do.
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Fridge Hussy : Is finally heading back to uni!
11/24/08

In reply to 3 Ways Women's Fitness Magazines Destroy The Soul
I did buy Women's Health for longer than was sensible, but I had to stop. I felt more guilty after reading it than I did when I used to buy Cosmo.

Plus, they basically class peanut butter as a demonic food that should be avoided at all costs. Peanut butter! Honestly!
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