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New York, 5:16 PM
Thu Nov 12
73 posts in the last 24 hours

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  • posts about #benoitdenizetlewis more →

    Sexploits: "Why Couldn’t I Stop Chasing Sex, No Matter The Consequences?"
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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of prettypithy prettypithy
    01/05/09

    In reply to Sexploits: "Why Couldn’t I Stop Chasing Sex, No Matter The Consequences?"
    Sex addiction aside, this guy is probably the most distinguished alum from my posh San Francisco prep school and I am very proud of him (the writing, not the parking lot romps).
     Reply
    prettypithy was starred prettypithy was unstarred
    Image of whynotshesaid whynotshesaid
    01/06/09

    @prettypithy: He's a very excellent writer. I'm fighting some serious envy of his career and abilities right now.
     Reply
    whynotshesaid was starred whynotshesaid was unstarred
    Image of whynotshesaid whynotshesaid
    01/06/09

    @whynotshesaid: Very excellent? Doh, time for more coffee.
     Reply
    whynotshesaid was starred whynotshesaid was unstarred
    Image of Scout Scout
    01/05/09

    In reply to Sexploits: "Why Couldn’t I Stop Chasing Sex, No Matter The Consequences?"
    EVERYONE is addicted to something
     Reply
    Scout was starred Scout was unstarred
    Image of sybann sybann
    01/05/09

    In reply to Sexploits: "Why Couldn’t I Stop Chasing Sex, No Matter The Consequences?"
    I've always thought: Men/corrupt; Women/damaged
     Reply
    sybann was starred sybann was unstarred
    Image of sybann sybann
    01/05/09

    @sybann: MOSTLY, not all.
     Reply
    sybann was starred sybann was unstarred
    Image of bangers bangers
    01/05/09

    In reply to Sexploits: "Why Couldn’t I Stop Chasing Sex, No Matter The Consequences?"
    "It doesn't help that the term's probably been tossed around a time or two as an unconvincing excuse."


    that's why i emailed this article to my ex-boyfriend who always tries to fuck me when we hang out, citing an addiction as the excuse.

     Reply
    bangers was starred bangers was unstarred
    Image of stoprobbers stoprobbers
    01/05/09

    In reply to Sexploits: "Why Couldn’t I Stop Chasing Sex, No Matter The Consequences?"
    Does anyone know if perhaps sex addiction rehab is split based on gender? I would assume it would be much, MUCH easier to share and recover if you were among your own gender and therefore able to share graphic details without embarassment from the opposite sex being in the room. Because I know that I, ultimately, am more comfortable being graphic about sex with my girlfriends than my guy friends, mostly because we have the same parts. They'll know what I'm talking about.
     Reply
    stoprobbers was starred stoprobbers was unstarred
    Image of WelcomeToDictionopolis WelcomeToDictionopolis
    01/05/09

    @stoprobbers: Yes, it commonly is split by gender. There are some co-ed groups, but not many. I commented on the same thing above. I know because I spent a lot of time researching groups for my then-fiance, a sex addict, to go to. I also went to an all-female S-ANON group for support. For heterosexual sex addicts, sharing sometimes-graphic details could also be triggering with the opposite sex right there in the room. You make a good point.
     Reply
    WelcomeToDictionopolis was starred WelcomeToDictionopolis was unstarred
    Image of stoprobbers stoprobbers
    01/05/09

    @WelcomeToDictionopolis: Thanks. I was just bothered by this "Is sex addiction a male disease?" bent in Sadie's thing. Just because he went to an all male group doesn't mean it's an all male problem; it means recovery is gender-split.
     Reply
    stoprobbers was starred stoprobbers was unstarred
    Image of Brigit Brigit
    01/05/09

    In reply to Sexploits: "Why Couldn’t I Stop Chasing Sex, No Matter The Consequences?"
    I consider both sex and food addiction/ED to be among the most painful, not necessarily life-threatening (although of course they can be) long-drawn illnesses.

    You have to eat to survive and having sexual urges is part of being an ape. There is no way I can see to avoid the things that give you urges. Sadness all around.
     Reply
    Brigit was starred Brigit was unstarred
    Image of Aesop's Foibles. YES. Aesop's Foibles. YES.
    01/05/09

    In reply to Sexploits: "Why Couldn’t I Stop Chasing Sex, No Matter The Consequences?"
    I could be wrong, but in my opinion, sex addiction actually is sort of similar to a drug addiction. Sure, sex feels good. But I don't think the addicts are obsessed with the act itself, but with the feelings that come along with it. The rush, or whatever you want to call it. I've heard some drug addicts speak of their drug use as a way to scratch their itch, and maybe the same holds true for sex addicts. Mania and addiction are certainly different, but the consequences of each can be equally devastating as evidenced in this story.


    It's difficult to fathom the amount of work it'd take to "cure" oneself of a sex addiction. If it were a case where the addict had been abused in some way, then I'd think it would be extremely difficult to reprogram the brain to have a healthy attitude toward sex. And really, how many of us have struggled with our own attitudes toward sex, especially those of us who started young? For me, it took YEARS to be able to view sex as an accompaniment of trust and respect in a relationship as well as something mutually beneficial. And not just a way to "keep him interested", which is how I saw it when I was a teenager. In other words, while we're all very different, I think the same holds true for everyone. Sexual maturity and emotional maturity can take a while to develop, even in the best circumstances where no abuse was involved. So I can only imagine how hard it would be to completely leave behind one's old views of sex and sexuality and start over.

     Reply
    Aesop's Foibles. YES. was starred Aesop's Foibles. YES. was unstarred
    Image of Red-headed bookworm Red-headed bookworm
    01/05/09

    @terribletwenties aka Aesop's Foibles: It must be especially hard because it's highly unlikely you would just avoid sex for the rest of your life. Drug or alcohol addiction, you would work to avoid those but with this you would have to figure out a way to live a healthy life with sex.
     Reply
    Red-headed bookworm was starred Red-headed bookworm was unstarred
    Image of LaComtesse LaComtesse
    01/05/09

    In reply to Sexploits: "Why Couldn’t I Stop Chasing Sex, No Matter The Consequences?"
    I would say that this person is writing about sex addiction from his own experience, which he cannot separate from his gender, so I'm not going to quibble over the details here.
     Reply
    LaComtesse was starred LaComtesse was unstarred
    Image of meetballz meetballz
    01/05/09

    In reply to Sexploits: "Why Couldn’t I Stop Chasing Sex, No Matter The Consequences?"
    Sex Addiction -- much like Valentine's Day -- was created by the Hallmark company to sell cards.
     Reply
    meetballz was starred meetballz was unstarred
    Image of Macloserboy Macloserboy
    01/05/09

    @meetballz: I walked into a drugstore and saw Valentine's Day cards and candies out today. Damn. Can we not get a breather?
     Reply
    Macloserboy was starred Macloserboy was unstarred
    Image of Shamrockette Shamrockette
    01/05/09

    @meetballz: That's just plain ignorant.


    Sex addiction is REAL; it's something people suffer from and they have this deep psychological need for sexual activity and won't think about the consequences of doing so.

     Reply
    Shamrockette was starred Shamrockette was unstarred
    Image of DangerMouse DangerMouse
    01/05/09

    @Macloserboy: Happy Start-Worrying-Now-About-Singles-Awarene... day!
     Reply
    DangerMouse was starred DangerMouse was unstarred
    Image of labeled labeled
    01/05/09

    In reply to Sexploits: "Why Couldn’t I Stop Chasing Sex, No Matter The Consequences?"
    OK, I might be wrong, but maybe the group was male-specific? I'm thinking maybe this would be one time where (much like Jez) the overshare-i-ness might work better in a same sex group.
     Reply
    labeled was starred labeled was unstarred
    Image of labeled labeled
    01/05/09

    @labeled: AHEM, I should clarify - I realize Jez is a predominantly same-sex group with a few notable, awesome exceptions.
     Reply
    labeled was starred labeled was unstarred
    Image of JerseyGrrrl JerseyGrrrl
    01/05/09

    @labeled: Good point. I wish he would have said as much, though, instead of calling the group "diverse" and not acknowledging the single gender. There's an interesting BBC piece that airs occasionally on this topic, but it offers interviews with both men and women.
     Reply
    JerseyGrrrl was starred JerseyGrrrl was unstarred
    Image of Red-headed bookworm Red-headed bookworm
    01/05/09

    @JerseyGrrrl: That BBC special is what I think of when I hear about sex addiction. It was interesting and informative.
     Reply
    Red-headed bookworm was starred Red-headed bookworm was unstarred
    Image of aubonpam aubonpam
    01/05/09

    In reply to Sexploits: "Why Couldn’t I Stop Chasing Sex, No Matter The Consequences?"
    This was a little better then the typical Modern Love cliches of "What the Dominican Maintenance Man Taught Me About Love" and "No One Will Love My Beautiful Boy Sarvis As Much As I Do, Get Away From My Son, You Long-Lashed 5 Year Old Harlot."
     Reply
    aubonpam was starred aubonpam was unstarred
    Image of sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit) sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit)
    01/05/09

    @aubonpam: And the inevitable column in 20 years, "How the Dominican Maintenance Main Serviced Sarvis".
     Reply
    sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit) was starred sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit) was unstarred
    Image of hydrogen_jukebox hydrogen_jukebox
    01/05/09

    @sarah.of.a.lesser.god (2009: a space ovumlord): I cannot wait.
     Reply
    hydrogen_jukebox was starred hydrogen_jukebox was unstarred
    Image of aubonpam aubonpam
    01/05/09

    @sarah.of.a.lesser.god (2009: a space ovumlord): "Finally, I knew that this simple Dominican Man was trying to tell me in his simple way that he loved my son Sarvis, and that it was time for me to let go. And I still didn't."
     Reply
    aubonpam was starred aubonpam was unstarred
    Image of miss_bacchus miss_bacchus
    01/05/09

    In reply to Sexploits: "Why Couldn’t I Stop Chasing Sex, No Matter The Consequences?"
    I don't think "minister" and "cantakerous community college professor" are necessarily male. Probably, but not definitely.
     Reply
    miss_bacchus was starred miss_bacchus was unstarred
    Image of linnyt is a walking cliché linnyt is a walking clichĂ©
    01/05/09

    @miss_bacchus: isn't a female minister usually called a "female minister" like they need a different designation? and i doubt they would have called a woman "cantankerous". she would have been "bitchy" or something else negative that only describes a woman.
     Reply
    linnyt is a walking cliché was starred linnyt is a walking cliché was unstarred
    Image of Penny Penny
    01/05/09

    In reply to Sexploits: "Why Couldn’t I Stop Chasing Sex, No Matter The Consequences?"
    Apparently I cannot spell this morning....
     Reply
    Penny was starred Penny was unstarred
    Image of sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit) sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit)
    01/05/09

    In reply to Sexploits: "Why Couldn’t I Stop Chasing Sex, No Matter The Consequences?"
    With women it's also hysteria. The wombs make them go crazy, dontcha know? How else do you explain the girls pawing at the Jonas Brothers?
     Reply
    sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit) was starred sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit) was unstarred
    Image of Mkp-hearts-NYC Mkp-hearts-NYC
    01/05/09

    @sarah.of.a.lesser.god (2009: a space ovumlord): Their curly hair, soulful eyes, hipster vests and kicks?
     Reply
    Mkp-hearts-NYC was starred Mkp-hearts-NYC was unstarred
    Image of DangerMouse DangerMouse
    01/05/09

    @sarah.of.a.lesser.god (2009: a space ovumlord): I hate it when my womb goes on a wild sojourn around my body.
     Reply
    DangerMouse was starred DangerMouse was unstarred
    Image of morninggloria morninggloria
    01/05/09

    @sarah.of.a.lesser.god (2009: a space ovumlord): It's because men are fucking Gropeyhands McCatCall all over the place and they're always in an arena where it's okay to behave mildly sexually toward women- from TV commercials to bars to billboards- and women have to squish down all of their hooting and hollering and release it in controlled environments like a Jonas Brothers concert.


    Or a Jezebel SJ featuring a shirtless Clive Owen.

     Reply
    morninggloria was starred morninggloria was unstarred
    Image of sybann sybann
    01/05/09

    @morninggloria: Gropeyhands McCatCall full of win
     Reply
    sybann was starred sybann was unstarred
    Image of SomeAuthorGirl SomeAuthorGirl
    01/05/09

    In reply to Sexploits: "Why Couldn’t I Stop Chasing Sex, No Matter The Consequences?"
    Nothing new under the sun. Adam = weak, Eve = corrupt.


    I typically loathe Modern Love, but this was indeed sad.

     Reply
    SomeAuthorGirl was starred SomeAuthorGirl was unstarred
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