You know the people I'm talking about, right? The Wine People. The Beer Patrol. The dude who moved off campus junior year and suddenly became an expert in hops but is still about three years away from being an expert in not coming across as a douchebag. Those people. On the other hand, it's never fun to be sitting next to Drunky McDrool who reeks of Natty Light (what up Boston) and says his only specifications for a beer are "A. It gets me drunk, and B. It gets me drunk fast and cheap." Unless he's a really hilarious drunk, and then it's good times for all.

In any case, the Beer People and the Drunky McDrools of the world always seem to represent the two extremes when it comes to those who enjoy, as Jemaine would say, "a nice delicious glass of beer." But what about the ladies, ladies? There are always bullshit articles about "what your drink of choice says about you," and so on, and the marketing of beer towards women seems to be aimed more at light, "sexy" beers that will get you drunk without giving you a gut. In Britain, women seem to be turning away from beer, due to fears of weight gain and the idea that beer is a "manly" drink. Project Eve, a multimillion dollar ad campaign, aims to change the way women view beer....by introducing the concept of "female-friendly" brews.

"We are encouraging women to have a choice," Kristy McCready, MD, tells the Times of London, "We want to listen to women about what they want, get behind what they want and then speak to the licensed trade. We hope to change the landscape of beer." McCready aims to draw women back to beer by introducing "female-friendly" blends using ingredients such as elderberry and elderflower in order to promote beer more as a healthy ale than something one would drink from a funnel. Awesome. Now not only do we have the Beer People and Drunky McDrool, but we have The Girlie Beer Brigade who will scold you for ordering a Yuengling when you should have ordered a female-friendly blend that will undoubtedly be named after a shoe or a purse or a pony. Or maybe they'll just call it "I Can't Believe It's Not Yogurt But It's Still A Female Friendly Source Of Nourishment!"

Like I said, I'm not a huge drinker, but the idea of branding beer as "female-friendly" is a bit gross: do we really need Girlie Beer to give women healthy attitudes about drinking and moderation? Can't women just drink beer because they want to drink beer? Do we have to throw in a ton of ridiculous "female-friendly" ingredients just to push a product? What say you commenters? Are "female-friendly" brews a good way to get women to open up to drinking beer, or is this just another unnecessary attempt to make a few bucks by slapping a "female-friendly" label on something many women happily drink anyway?

Why Don't Women Drink Beer? [Times Of London]

• Sad face: Mickey Rourke's 18-year-old chihuahua, Loki, has died. Rourke called Loki "the love of his life." And famously thanked his all his dogs in his Golden Globes speech. RIP little dude! [E!, TMZ]

• Sarah Jessica Parker's been talking about the Sex And The City sequel. She wants the new movie to be a "massive romp." And she's worried about the consumerism: "How do we address these economic times in a franchise that has a lot to do with luxury and labels? You know, there is a lot that we have to think about because times are very different." Indeed. [UPI]
• Lindsay Lohan was seen having a fabulous time in New York while Sam Ronson was in San Diego, what does it mean??!?! [Page Six]
• The lone Asian dude in Miley Cyrus's "goofy" photo has been identified; his name is Chuck Willis, and he is a model/actor/photographer. Who hangs out with Hannah Montana. [ONTD]
• The Guardian's Hadley Freeman spends five minutes with "the surprisingly tall" Justin Timberlake and promptly falls "a little bit in love." [Guardian]
• Oscar producers want M.I.A. to be on the show so badly — even though she just gave birth — that they're willing to let her perform her track from Slumdog Millionaire from a "large bed" on stage. Or she could appear via hologram. The bed idea sounds kind of awesome, but only if there are dancing orderlies. [NY Mag, MSNBC Scoop]
• More Oscar gossip: Hugh Jackman is hosting, but he'll be joined on stage by Beyoncé, Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens and Mamma Mia's Amanda Seyfried for a big song and dance number, directed by Moulin Rouge's Baz Luhrmann. If they do "Dancing Queen," it just might be the gayest thing on TV since Charles Nelson Riley. [Yahoo News via E!]
• John Mayer will be attending the Oscars, and says: "It's my first Oscars. And it's my first being an Oscar boyfriend. After that night I have a deal almost signed in blood that says I must go into the studio and finish this record. So after Oscar Sunday, Monday morning I'm invisible." [PopSugar]
• Bookies who deal with Oscar bets says Heath Ledger is "such an absolute certainty you've got to feel a bit sorry for the fellow nominees. They have no absolutely no chance whatsoever of winning." [Mirror]
• An L.A. Superior Court judge has ruled that Roman Polanski will have to come to the U.S. and face a judge before his 1977 child sex case can be dismissed. Of course, if Polanski arrives in the States, he faces immediate arrest, as he is a fugitive. [Variety]
• Hayden Panettiere, 19, fresh off of her breakup from Milo Ventimiglia, 31, was seen flirting with Gerard Butler, 39. Can you blame her? He's hot! [MSNBC Scoop]
• Seth Rogen will appear on the cover of Playboy, only the 9th time a dude's been on the cover in 56 years. But will he be clothed? [Page Six]
• Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen are engaged, by the by. [Page Six]
• Kanye West looks morose on the new cover of Details and inside says the kind of stuff you expect Kanyeezy to say. Like: "Put this in the magazine: There's nothing more to be said about music. I'm the fucking end-all, be-all of music." And! "People ask me a lot about my drive," he says. "I think it comes from, like, having a sexual addiction at a really young age. Look at the drive that people have to get sex-to dress like this and get a haircut and be in the club in the freezing cold at 3 a.m., the places they go to pick up a girl. If you can focus the energy into something valuable, put that into work ethic..." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Also, when Kanye was 12, he produced a video game: "My game was very sexual. The main character was, like, a giant penis. It was like Mario Brothers, but the ghosts were, like, vaginas. Mind you, I'm 12 years old, and this is stuff 30-year-olds are programming. You'd have to draw in and program every little step-it literally took me all night to do a step, 'cause the penis, y'know, had little feet and eyes." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Michael Phelps is so afraid of people snapping his picture, he's had the windows of his home tinted and he's been hiding out in strip clubs, where photographs are not allowed. No, really, that's the only reason. [Page Six]
• Has Kylie Minogue had cosmetic surgery? The latest edition of the UK's Grazia magazine asks on its cover: "What has Kylie done to her face?" A surgeon who does not treat her has the answer: "Kylie's brows look a little higher than usual, which suggests she's having regular Botox to lift them. One of Kylie's brows is slightly more arched and higher than the other, which is often a telltale sign." [News.com.au]
• Boo-hoo: Eva Longoria Parker is sad that Nicolette Sheridan is leaving Desperate Housewives. "I love her so much as a person, and I love the character of Edie Britt, that I can't imagine the show without her," Eva says. [Mirror]
• Here's a video of Benicio Del Toro talking about playing Che Guevara and doing some really good stuff with his expressive eyebrows. [Guardian]
• Kid Rock is making Kid Rock Beer, which is expected to create 394 new jobs in Michigan. Those without jobs will at least have something to drink? [Detroit Free Press]
• Ashton Kutcher is in negotiations to star in a flick called Traded, about a superstar NFL quarterback and a 12-year-old middle school geek who magically trade bodies. Sort of Freaky Friday Night Lights. [Variety]
• Bob Barker "relaxes in retirement with dog and bottle of tequila." He doesn't watch Price Is Right. [ABC News]
• Set your DVR; A&E has ordered 11 episodes of Hammertime, a show which tracks the life of MC Hammer and his family. Can't touch this? [Variety]
• Luther Campbell from 2 Live Crew was arrested for contempt of court last night; he owes $10,233.36 and he'd better pay up. [TMZ]
• Morrissey, who turns 50 in May, says of the chance that he'll still be in the music biz at age 55: "I think it's incredibly slim. For heaven's sake!" [Daily Express]
• Blind items! 1. Which movie producer is finding out bad habits die hard? Despite being married, he asked a gorgeous, dark-haired woman back to his hotel for a "late-night private audition" after a dinner at the Berlin Film Festival. As the actress accepted, look for her to appear in his upcoming pictures. 2. Which kooky fashion figure asked for illegal substances on her contract rider? She said in order for her to appear at a fashion show, she needs two bottles of Cristal and "cocaine - a lot of it." [Page Six]
• Blind item: "Which F-list celeb had an abortion six months ago? We hear she's still not sure who the father was." Wait, why do we care about this? [Gatecrasher]
• "God, I might pass out. Your heart pounds really hard, and just that moment…wow. My grandmother is coming. My mom and my grandmother. Three generations. " — Taraji P. Henson, on being a nominee at the Oscars. [Washington Post]
• "My mother, she was like, 'I don't know if Mama wants to come because she had a knee replacement surgery and she's been going to the doctor and it's a long evening.' I said: 'Mom, you know what? Why don't we just let Grandma make the decision? Let's call her and let her say no.' We called her on a three-way and I said, 'Hey, Grandma, we got an extra ticket for the Oscars, you wanna come?' 'I sure do, baby!' She did not hesitate, do you understand? Grandma is not going to miss it for the world, do you hear me? She didn't want to hear about how long it was going to be. She didn't want to hear about that, she'd moved on to what she was going to wear. She was like, 'Well, I have this outfit and these shoes.' I was like, 'Bring it, Grandma.'" — Taraji P. Henson. [WaPo]
• "It's just something for your eyes to look at. It's just a change from the norm, innit? The problem is, I never buy a piece of art. I don't see the point in buying something because I know my eyes will get bored of it eventually. You know, a lot of museums keep the stuff, they rotate it, because people get sick of looking at it. They shift the art around, don't they? People go, 'I'm sick of that now.' They move it around the world, let someone else's eyes look at it." — Ricky Gervais, on art. [Guardian]
• "I really believe I'm on the very tail end of television as a big money-making business. I think there will always be a certain number of people who make a lot of money, like American Idol or NFL football, but I just think that in 10 years when people have good Internet connections, there are going to be a thousand channels. People will be making money, they just won't be making a lot of money. Even successful shows or programming will bring in small amounts of money." — Jimmy Kimmel. [Broadcasting & Cable]
• "Oh my God, I'm one of the greatest rappers in the world. I'll get on a track and completely ee-nihilate that track, I'll eat it and rip it in half. I wouldn't have to think of it. […] I have, like, nuclear power, like a superhero, like Cyclops when he puts his glasses on." — Kanye West. [Yahoo News via E!]
• "The next chapter of your life has begun. The toughest decisions you will ever have to make lie in front of you. You have shifted the cultural paradigm of America, but now you have to live up to the ideal that fostered the shift and ensure that the paradigm doesn't shift back. You must deliver." — LL Cool J, in an (open, unsolicited) letter to Barack Obama. [Mirror]
• "I am her biggest fan and I can't get enough of her. But wearing my fashion hat, I want to say to Meryl Streep, 'You need to accept responsibility for what you are wearing. I don't know that you do.' The message she's sending is, 'I'm too smart for this and it doesn't matter to me what I'm wearing.' I want to say to her that it should matter to you." — Tim Gunn. [MSNBC Scoop]

• Scientists at Rice University have created "BioBeer" a healthy beer that has a red wine chemical that is believed to protect against age-related health conditions. • A new study in England reports that young girls are starting to drink earlier in life, with most admitting to drinking by age 13 or 14. • Police in Williams Point, Florida have recovered a 5 foot tall Betty Boop statue that was stolen last April. • A pastry shop owner repainted the sign over his shop in Baghdad with "Obama" and is planning on making an Obama cake with two ingredients of "hope and change." • A recent study has found that a chemical commonly found in tomatoes, lycopene, can positively effect cells taken from internal scarring associated with endometriosis. • A new study of condom use in heterosexual British couples has found that condom use goes down when couples enter their 30s and 40s and that overall, a little more than half of first time sexual partners use condoms. • What would happen if you ate dog food? Probably nothing, but it's still unsafe. • A recent study suggests that women are more likely to be harassed when working in equally male and female groups rather than when women are the minority or majority gender in a group. • A European animal welfare coalition said today that tens of thousands of animals are kept in poor conditions because EU rules on standards and care for animals are unclear to zookeepers. • A Toronto-area woman claims her rights were violated when she was asked to stop breastfeeding her child while she was sitting in a public swimming pool in October. • Although Chinese Americans are considered a "model minority" and are one of the most highly educated groups in the U.S., they still make less than their white counterparts. • British scientists have discovered what gene triggers some women to develop a resistance to Tamoxifen, common breast cancer drug.• Evening fun: a video of of Russian man who lives with his "performing llama" in his apartment. •

Few and far between, it seems. Check these out:

St. Pauli Girl beer features a buxom bar maid on the label. Actually, looking at this visual "history" of the model, she's changed a lot. In 1982, she wasn't so busty; in 1989 she was (gasp!) brunette; in 2004 her apron disappeared, her top shrank and her skirt became alarmingly short. Progress!


Frida Kahlo tequila, launched in 2005, features the famed painter's visage on its bottles. Frida's niece, Isolda P. Kahlo, is involved with the brand. Unfortunately, art critic and author Raquel Tibol, who befriended Kahlo at the end of the artist’s life, is outraged, saying, "This is a dirty shame!" Blogger and artist Mark Vallens writes: "The idea of the artist’s alcoholism being somehow romantic could not be further from the truth. It was not a sense of romanticism that led Kahlo to drink a bottle of tequila a day, but the debilitating pain she endured from the accident suffered in her youth."

The labels on a Belgian beer called Rubbel Sexy Lager picture women wearing swimsuits, but the swimsuits can be scratched off, leaving naked models behind. Classy! This brew was pulled from shelves in the UK last year.

Sofia sparkling wine is manufactured by Francis Ford Coppola's winery, and named after his director daughter. Each can comes with a little bitty straw, because chicks like their booze to be cute! (Disclaimer: I've imbibed quite a few Sofias in my day and actually think mini champagne is a good idea.)




Inspired by the Hollywood icon, Marilyn wine exists, but, as Sadie says, "I wouldn't drink it."

Sailor Jerry rum is named after a man (the legendary tattoo artist) but has a pin-up girl on the bottle, does that count?

Damiana herbal-based liqueur from Mexico comes in a bottle shaped like an Incan goddess. Except, uh, the Incans were from Peru, right? So she should be Mayan, or Aztec? Well the website lists an address in Texas, so maybe someone is confused.


Batuque cachaça from Brazil is made from sugar cane and aged in mahogany barrels. The bottle is shaped like a woman wearing a Brazilian bikini (read: thong.) I had it in a caipirinha once, and never got around to figuring out why the poor woman has an awesome booty but no head. (Here's another view of her physique.)

Veuve Clicquot was, at some point, run by Madame Clicquot, hence the term "grande dame." If you look at her portrait you'll see Madame was pretty serious about her booze.

Did I miss any? Let me know.

The Men Behind Your Favorite Liquors [Mental Floss]
Earlier: The Top 10 Female Product Advertising Icons & The Actresses Who Could Replace Them

MOE: Hey we can sort of start now if you want, though I'm still mostly reading through stuff. I just bought some beer because I think I'm the soberest person in Philadelphia right now. (The Eagles won a REALLY CLOSE game with the Rams today.) But here's something fun:

Mr. Rove said Mr. Schmidt’s increased authority — which came about after what amounted to a coup by Mr. Schmidt and other McCain aides with ties to the 2004 campaign, that gave him equal status with the campaign manager, Rick Davis — has been the best thing to have happened to Mr. McCain.

Oh God, Karl Rove. How do you do it, Karl Rove? You secure the election of a president so incompetent and widely loathed he decimates your party, then you leave the business for the media. Once in the media you commence bashing the media. You bash the media for asking questions about — not reporting, just asking around about — a rumor.

MEGAN: I am well on my way to non-Eagles-related drunkenness and I still cannot believe Steve Schmidt. Or Karl Rove. Like, seriously, did we watch the same speech? Only I thought it totally bombed and I talked to a shit load of Republicans at the wake today and people thought it fucking killed.

MOE: The sordid details of which are clearly, creepily reminiscent of the (much more easily refutable) rumor you disseminated to nastily defeat your boss's rival in the 2000 Republican primaries. And eight years later, said rival's distance from your old boss being the single-most compelling trait for Republicans to safely rally around, your old cronies take over his campaign, choosing a running mate whose most salient characteristic besides her nice bod is that she was the only member of the shortlist with a dearth of accomplishments deeper than that of your old boss in 2000, and then exploit the scurrilousness of said (much less obviously mendacious) rumor about said running mate's "personal" life to smear the "media"… (And who is paying for this? The media. "I'm not in the media, I'm around the media" is I believe how Rove put it…)

MEGAN: I wonder, honestly, if Rove even takes himself seriously at this point. I mean, the Palin Blake Slate is one of the reasons she was chosen.

MOE: Nah, he can't possibly. I actually find him more amusing than offensive at this point. Although maybe that's just because I read Safire today.

MEGAN: I did not read Safire today. I honestly feel like reading columnists is like a job that I don't get paid enough to do.

MOE: Don't let it hurt your teeth too much.

MEGAN: Honestly, at the point at which he says that Broder was the only fair pundit in attendance that night, it's hard to gag while I'm laughing so fucking hard.

MOE: And in shades of Friday's "Wow, I can't believe I'm going to calm myself down by talking about Bill O'Reilly," I entreat you to calm yourself down, after taking a gander over there, with the soothing relative sanity being preached by Chuck Krauthammer.

MEGAN: Oh, wait, he said something true:

The McCain acceptance speech reads better than it was read.

Oh, wait, here he's back to teabagging McCain:

That called for McCain to set aside his longtime reluctance to recount publicly his wartime suffering.

Ummmm, you know, except for his FUCKING MEMOIRS.

MOE: Oh shit, I am starting to find Palin so relatable though! Back in Wasilla they used to call her base of support the Liquor Cabinet.

MEGAN: Man, I would totally vote for the Liquor Cabinet.

MOE: Oh dear, and here her ex-brother in law admits he used a Taser on his 10-year-old son.

MEGAN: Ugh, that is super lame. Also, did you notice that after her announcement, she took her bouffant-y twist out? One of my reporter friends was like, she wears it like that to seem taller, she's gonna have to take it out for the campaign, McCain isn't tall enough.

MOE: Oh God Janice Min Janice Minnnn I'm boycotting you now:

“She out Obama’ed Obama with her speech,” said Janice Min, the editor of Us Weekly, who said the criticism of its coverage would pass soon enough. “She came on like a supermom who is not going to take a lot of guff from anyone. The way media works now, it is impossible to separate the personal from the political, and I think her role as a celebrity — how she does on that level — could have a significant effect on the election.”

Yeah I noticed it; I believe they decreed it to be Hepburn-esque in the New York Post. Here, exhibit five.

MEGAN: I didn't tell you! David Carr interviewed me for that piece at the Vanity Fair-Google party... and didn't use my quote. But it might be because I was drinking enough that Ana Marie Cox was like... um, what are you drinking? Because I was sort of lapping her on her alcohol acquisition. That's not the best sign, probably. Ok, I've found my first reason to be actively and yet completely unreasonably against Sarah Palin, other than the whole anti-choice thing: the use of multiple exclamation points:

"New administration finally allows new input, fresh ideas and ENERGY to work with the public to shape this city!!!"

MOE: Ok and I've found my first reason to reconsider my general assertion that the media hasn't been overstepping:

And yet, you get the feeling that at the end of the day, she could shake out that lustrous mane (longer than any other major female U.S. political figure's) and get it on with her man. She wears skirts that are quite form-fitting and often goes without stockings. As ZZ Top might say, she's got legs, and she knows how to use 'em. When Sen. John McCain introduced her at an Aug. 29 campaign rally in Dayton, Ohio, she was wearing open-toed red patent leather shoes.

That is the resident fashion critic at the LA Times.

MEGAN: Um, fucking gross. Also, I have peep toed pumps, that obviously means I'm a fucking whore.

MOE: Well you're obviously a fucking whore. But so am I and I have three pairs of shoes, everyone knows that.

But, oh my God and she is totally the Britney Spears of MILFs.

Palin held her baby in her arms as the warden drove a short distance around the facility, said corrections director Joe Schmidt, who sat next to Palin. A few days later, the governor got a warning from her public safety commissioner that someone had complained that she did not strap Trig into a car seat for the ride.

Palin dismissed the complaint as petty, and the commissioner, whom she appointed, took no formal action. But the incident shows the degree to which family and politics are bound together in Palin's career.

MEGAN: Yes, I mean, shoes do not equal whore, like, wtf is the LA Times fashion critic talking about?

MOE: Um, is that really what "the incident shows" Washington Post?? Or does the incident show that SARAH PALIN IS A TERRIBLE MOTHER WHO NOT FOR NO REASON AT ALL LEAKED AMNIOTIC FLUID ALL OVER THAT PLANE (or whatever.)

MEGAN: Ok, well, that doesn't say back seat or front seat, plus it doesn't mention whether she was breast feeding or not. I dunno, I got kicked out of a bar for being there with a pregnant friend who was like I JUST WANTED ONE GLASS OF WINE. Also, my vagina leaks a lot, particularly when I'm ovulating. I'm like sloppy, annoyingly wet.

MOE: Ugh that is so annoying. Didn't they read the story about how you can actually binge drink during pregnancy so long as you only do it a few times a month or so?

MEGAN: I don't know, they were complete assholic assholes about it.

MOE: OOOOOOH maybe you are just female ejaculating all the time like those women in those other stories who have orgasms all the time and have to strap miniature vibrators to their underwear just to get through the day????

MEGAN: Nah, when I was a teenager, I went to my doctor and she said it was normal. Like, it's my body being like IMPREGNATE ME!! But, fuck that bitch, I have an IUD.
Anyway, so if she got 600 votes in her first election and 900 in her second, then despite what Mitt Romney said, she didn't get as many votes in two elections as Joe Biden got in Iowa.

MOE: Hahaha oh Mitt Romney, please watch him now in this clip I made of that speech — well actually I had Nick McGlynn make it, thank you Nick — but I sat through the speech for the purpose of conveying in 42 seconds how insane it was. And I was pretty sure that crap about Biden getting fewer votes was, in Noonan parlance, "bullshit" but thanks for that.

MEGAN: I heard that and I was like... yeah, there's no way that's true. I used up 90 percent of my internet connection Wednesday night proving it.

MOE: Yeah, the thing that sucks about these Republicans is that they don't care if you fact-check them. I really wish Plouffe or whoever could just get up and say something equally outrageous and blasphemous like…hold on…like how about, "Sarah Palin ran a town that is smaller than many high schools!" Oh wait, that's true, hm, or like, what about "Sarah Palin's fiscally conservative policies managed to sink that tiny little town into enough debt to buy a brand-new Prius for every household in it TOO BAD HER HUSBAND IS THE TOOL OF ALL THOSE STUPID OIL COMPANIES." Ughhhhhh but that would also be true I think!

MEGAN: Oh, shit, another convention story I meant to mention: I met David Gregory in a Starbucks. He's replacing Matthews and Olbermann as anchors. Only, back at Wonkette (now erased in this server migration), I posted this video of him dancing to Mary J. and my friend Eric Brewer tracked him to a video of Obama dancing on Ellen and he had a poll about who was better and Gregory won. So, I was like, hey, so, like, I did this video of you and Obama dancing and he was like, oh, I totally saw that. And then I blushed and got totally awkies.

MOE: Well in lieu of lending credence to the scurrilous rumor I heard about Palin's heroic son in the Army I am going to ask you if you read today's Filkins piece in the Times Magazine about how Pakistan has turned into the Minneapolis of the Terrorist Convention and part of that is flaky Benazir Bhutto's fault for thinking it was a good idea to arm the mujahadeen back when we also thought that was a good idea, oh and did we mention history and that repeating itself thing, as comforting as it is to know that people make the same stupid mistakes and repeat all the same fuckups even in places where the average citizen doesn't consume a metric tonne of alcohol every month, it is not very comforting at all actually. Here it is. Obama was good on this issue the other night with O'Reilly, incidentally, not that O'Reilly had any idea.

MEGAN: I keep meaning to watch the O'Reilly shit, but my parents don't have cable. Anyways, anyone who elects Zadari deserves what they get, sort of like how I feel the overwhelming majority of people who either voted in GWB for a second term or — more likely — didn't fucking bother to vote better not now be bitching about their adjustable rate mortgage, I tell you what. Even people in Pakistan know he's a Thaksin-level corrupt asshat — and they probably have some idea who the fuck Thaksin is, too. Also, I object to the assertion that I consume a metric tonne of alcohol a month. That's why I mostly drink wine and hard liquor, to keep the tonnage down.

MOE: Oh god yeah Thailand, we could discuss that too, and Freddie and Fannie, THE NIGHT COULD LAST FOREVER. But what's hot right now? I thought the Times magazine story by Frum on Republicans and income inequality was interesting, if namely for its incongruity following a week during which the proverbial Bullshit, as Janice Min so eloquently pointed out, triumphed so decisively over Shit That Actually Matters.

MEGAN: Wait, income inequality? Get yourself some fucking bootstraps, yo. Does anyone even fucking know what bootstraps are?

MOE: Whoa, the origins of all the Palin kid names! Turns out that taken together they all come together to mean "CANNY ATTEMPTS TO DEFLECT OBVIOUS CORPORATE BEHOLDENNESS BY INGRATIATING SELVES TO NATURE FETISHIZING IDIOCRACY" or just "FLAGRANT POLITICKING RIGHT FROM THE START." Fuck I somehow didn't realize Sarah Palin married Todd because she was knocked up. That is so rouge cou.

MEGAN: I mean, it's like a month, tops that they knew. Chances are, like other super-Catholic friends of mine, they boned a little early and found out a couple weeks after the wedding regardless.

MOE: Nah nah Track was born eight months after they eloped "to save money." I dunno, it's funny. God, who gets pregnant the first time they have sex? Well, I have a friend whose parents did, but how crazy. Oh man it's getting late though I guess. And there's still so much! Damn the weekend for being over.

MEGAN: Well, luckily, I opened a magnum of wine! I got plenty of time!

MOE: Ok i'm getting another beer. Dogfish 90 minute IPA, not that they're sponsoring me. Not that i would LET THEM.

MEGAN: I've got a Yellowtail Cabernet. I am not going to pretend if a winery wanted to sponsor my blogging I would deny them the opportunity, but I would rather it be something non-corporate like Guglielmo or Hecker Pass, two of my favorite family wineries.

MOE: Ugh are we too far-gone — and too far down on the moral authority pay grade — to weigh in on Biden's belief that life begins at conception? Because personally I am inclined to say "well sure it does, so what" but you all know how paranoid I am about seeming "flip."

MEGAN: I mean, Biden's a Catholic, that's the party line, right? I just don't buy that. I don't believe it in the slightest. I'm not sure I believe in a soul. Potential life? Ok, maybe, but all evidence is that plenty of potential lives are ejected regularly from women's bodies. I just... I just don't buy that a zygote is A Life.

MOE: Right, well the "soul" is a different matter. As I think we might have discussed before, there's a genuine debate within the believers in souls as to how a soul could be formed at conception, then split into two separate souls two weeks later. Anyway "Life" …bacteria is life. Now human life is more important than animal life, but ughhhh if embryo life or fetus life was as precious as regular fully formed human life you would think there would be a huge public health campaign to finally put an end to the mysterious plague that silently kills as many as one in four humans before they even have the chance to get heartbeats! But there is not. And now I am tired.

MEGAN: My sister's fiancé was just asking when I was going to bed. I could stop drinking and try that out.

MOE: Yeah this is the longest Crappy Hour ever already I think. I've been drinking really slow and am still tired and I think that is a sign.

MEGAN: Ok, so, I'll check you at an abortion-esque ungodly hour on Tuesday.

MOE: Oh, but that David Gregory story was awesome.

MEGAN: There's nothing like embarrassing oneself in a Starbucks full of Republicans to make embarrassing oneself on the Internet seem totes minor.

Here's an infuriating comment from YouTube:

Don't mind [other commenter], she's prob just a chubby resentful feminist. In my opinion this girl is objectifying men, she's got three!

MEGAN: Oh, hey, so, apparently we all agree that Obama hasn't screwed anything up yet on his trip. And I think Obama knows where to recruit door-knockers for Florida, if only because I think the sight of a bunch of Palestinians knocking on doors saying "Ma'am, believe me, we know, Barack Obama isn't going to change the United States' policies on Israel one iota."
MOE: I DRANK SO MUCH LAST NIGHT actually I didn't I just drank enough. Surprising fact: I did not drink on Saturday or Sunday night at all. Not one drop! When that happens it throws my system out of whack you know.
MEGAN: I know, it's like, the sun is less bright on those days. I started buying beer, actually, because it was so hot and to get into shape for Germany but I can't consume enough of it all in one sitting to get drunk, it's a little sad still.
MOE: Oh look David Brooks is talking about debtor nation again huh cool.
MEGAN: In honor of your hangover, I recommend reading this analysis of how, by not publishing McCain's OpEd on Obama and the surge, the New York Times MOE: Holy itshay is that you Bobo??

This third position begins with the notion that people are driven by the desire to earn the respect of their fellows. Individuals don’t build their lives from scratch. They absorb the patterns and norms of the world around them.

Yeah regarding McCain, he wouldn't have looked like an idiot I don't think because who reads op-eds "written" by really important people? (Exception that proves the rule being Angelina of course.)
MEGAN: Dammit, I hate agreeing with Brooks! I mean, he does it without resorting to Marxism which is where you or I would go with it, but the idea that we're eroded a social norm by scaling down luxury goods, accept indebtedness as a way of life and normifying conspicuous consumption, man, dammit, I hate that. It's like, even my friends in Germany were surprised that as an American the only debts I have are student loans and my mortgage.
Like, even they all know we're a fucked up country when it comes to debt, even if they only know if because they're importing our debt culture like the rest of the bits of the worst of American culture we export elsewhere.
Oh, wait, phew, all is right in the world as Brooks descends into madness again.

The Treasury and the Fed are trying to stabilize the system while still ensuring that those who made mistakes feel the pain.

LOLZ, the government is trying to make sure people who made mistakes feel the pain. Sure, unless you're Bear Stearns or Freddie Mac or Fannie Mae, sure unless you're the trader that committed the frauds that undermined the stability of IndyMac and cost a bunch of old people their (uninsured) retirement savings and shit. "Feel the pain." The people that caused most of the problems won't feel any pain.
MEGAN: Anyway, so, the GOP has decided to stop suing people for using their logo which is like unAmerican to stop suing people and yet it's anti-trial lawyer and sort of pro-tort reform so perhaps more fitting with Republican ideology.
MOE: And I still don't know what to talk about, I guess there was that meme about how Colin Powell and Condi Rice may endorse Obama because of that whole identity politics factor but Condi identifies more with fellow alienbots so I'm thinking no on that one.
MEGAN: Yeah, I mean, what exactly is fitting with her political ideology that Obama espouses?
MOE: Well I think her exercise regimen is a big component of her ideology, and she totes has a crush on Michelle. But is that enough? Well shit, maybe for Condi!
MEGAN: Ok, can we talk about the fact that Cindy McCain travels with a stylist? I knew her and Megan's hair was too shiny to be true.
MOE: Oh I guess we have to talk about Obama's "fake" interviews. I mean, it would be one thing if someone said this who did not work for the memefactory, but I see what she's saying. That's the one thing I always dug about McCain is his "I'm just going to babble about whatever pops into my mind" PR strategy.
And Meghan HAS to have extensions right?
MEGAN: I don't know, I mean, I have seen her up close, if they are extensions, Ken Paves is grinding his teeth down to little points in envy.
MOE: Whoa I did not realize Cindy

fought her fear of campaigning via small planes by getting her pilot's license without telling her husband

Oh this is a good story, I love Libby Copeland.
MEGAN: I mean, you want to hate her, and then it's just hard. She's so nice-seeming.
The charity work, etc. Also, wtf, Andrea Mitchell? I'm not sure I get that, is she just mad she flew all the way over their and Obama chose Lara Logan or something?
MOE: (The writer.) (Who I was like totally jealous of for like ninety years because she went to school with me and NEVER WORKED A MILLISECOND ON THE SCHOOL PAPER WHERE I TOILED.) I did not think she was so good when she started at the Washington Post but now I love pretty much everything she does and I have to say, it is nice to suspect you would dislike someone and then turn out to be wrong. Okay, so Cindy McCain, she seems cool, I have to say. Not as cool as Michelle, but the thing about having disadvantages or whatever is that it is sometimes its own advantage, and Cindy grew up rich and blond and cheerleadery in Arizona. I wonder if she ever even saw Do The Right Thing. Nevertheless, she was just in Cambodia.
MEGAN: And for Operation Smile, which we all know I have a very soft spot for, even if the founder seemed totally amazed that I didn't have a speech impediment when we met once.
MOE:

"You just can't just help but love her, honey," says John's mother, the irrepressible 96-year-old Roberta McCain, who several times during an interview says she has nothing to say and then keeps adding things. She describes Cindy as a seamless mother who has managed her four children's lives with seeming effortlessness, all while looking fantastic and wearing the most stylish clothes. "I don't see any chink in her armor, and I'm not biased," she says.

MEGAN: Yes, as a mother-in-law, you certainly wouldn't be biased at all Roberta. Now, see, this is a serious question. I can't say from his first wife, as she's not so keen to do interviews, but between his mother, her, and Cindy, how in the world does McCain still not know better than to tell anti-woman jokes? Because, really, he's kind of surrounded by cool-seeming chicks. I want to totally be Roberta McCain when I'm 92, if I don't off myself at 60 of course.
MOE: hahaha

She is, in the words of her brother-in-law Joe McCain, a self-editor. Aware she is under a spotlight, she recognizes that everything she says must be carefully framed, or it can be taken out of context. "The best way to put it in context is to not say it," he says.

I am getting that tattooed on my knuckles.
MEGAN: Fuck my knuckles, I might be wearing gloves! I'm getting that tattooed upside down on my cleavage, the one thing that is always visible.
MOE: omg let's get tattoos together!
MEGAN: Yes, totally, I have been itching for one for years, I'd bet Attackerman knows a place, you know, somehow.
MOE: Yo this is really rough:

"John was with me the first time I lost a baby," she told Harper's Bazaar last year, "but not for those after, which was hard."

MEGAN: Yeah, I read that then and I felt awful for her. I mean, dude, as obviously as she wanted kids and as young as she apparently was, you have to wonder how they got through that. It wasn't like in the 50s or something, you know?
Also, can we all say a heart "Fuck you" to Karl Rove for this again?

She did, however, cry in front of reporters after smear attacks during the 2000 South Carolina primary insinuated that McCain had fathered an illegitimate black child — a reference to Bridget, born in Bangladesh.

All together, please: Fuck you, Karl Rove.
MOE: Here's another thing, like, she didn't feel like she was addicted because he didn't notice. Oh my, you know, like that is a lesson: do not rely on dudes to notice you have a problem, or really, anything at all about your condition unless they somehow interpret it to involve you being "mad" at them. I bet she was actually weirdly flattered that one time he called her a trollop for wearing too much makeup because it was like, you noticed?
MEGAN: Oh, God, I hear that for sure. Like, actually, a friend of a friend divorced his wife (eventually) for being a coke addict and he only noticed when he couldn't get money out of an ATM one day and went to the bank to complain and found out they didn't have any more. Like, any. That's an addiction.
Also, I stopped trying long ago with dudes. If I want them to notice, I'll say "Hey, I got my haircut, do you like it," or, "Hey, I dyed it red, what do you think," or, "Hey, I lost 30 pounds, what do you think of my ass now," you know, shit like that.
MOE: Hahaha I feel like dudes are pretty good at noticing that shit. "You look different…good" Hey thanks I washed my hair! I found that purple eyeshadow that vaguely recalls Debbie Gibson circa Electric Youth but oh well! I brushed my hair! I'm wearing a color other than black or gray! It's more like the, I dunno, subtler stuff they are shitty about. That's actually why I don't think it's such a bad thing to write about them on the internet.
MEGAN: Maybe I just date really oblivious dudes. But, also, my emotions aren't really subtle. And I try not to blog about actual dudes I'm currently dating. Dudes I used to date — particularly if they've pissed me off and aren't speaking to me anyway — somehow feel like fair game. Oh, also, before we end this, we should probably mention the fact that Radovan Karadžić was arrested yesterday.
MOE: oh right he totally was!
MEGAN: Amusingly, to tie it back into drinking, reportedly while drinking a beer on the street! Man, who knew Belgrade was so much like Boston?
MOE: This is a really educational blog post that puts things nicely in perspective! So this guy's poetry: crappy or what? Hmm.

In his defense, his supporters say that he is no more guilty than any other war-time political leader. His ability to evade capture for over a decade made him a local hero among the Bosnian Serbs.

So maybe now that he has been arrested while drinking a beer he will look less badass?
MEGAN: Hrm, well, being a bit of a translator myself, I sort of wonder if the reason these sound so incredibly shitty is translation error, but thematically I think they're also overblown and so I'm going to call crappy.
Also, I think Richard Byrne is suggesting that Ratko Mladić, the guy behind Srebrenica, might off himself rather than turn himself or be captured. And, to your point, that's totally what Byrne says, that not only will Karadžić look like a f'idiot, but that the former government that "couldn't find him" might look stupid to the people on whose support they counted. God, if only making an Administration look like a bunch of bumbling incompetent idiots would work here. God, we could dream, right?

Johnson notes that historians interested in genetics believe that the roughly simultaneous emergence of urban living and the manufacturing of alcohol set the stage for a survival-of-the-fittest sorting-out among the people who abandoned the hunter-gatherer lifestyle and, literally and figuratively speaking, went to town.

To avoid dangerous water, people had to drink large quantities of, say, beer. But to digest that beer, individuals needed a genetic advantage that not everyone had — what Johnson describes as the body's ability to respond to the intake of alcohol by increasing the production of particular enzymes called alcohol dehydrogenases. This ability is controlled by certain genes on chromosome four in human DNA, genes not evenly distributed to everyone. Those who lacked this trait could not, as the saying is, "hold their liquor." So, many died early and childless, either of alcohol's toxicity or from waterborne diseases.

The gene pools of human settlements became progressively dominated by the survivors — by those genetically disposed to, well, drink beer. "Most of the world's population today," Johnson writes, "is made up of descendants of those early beer drinkers, and we have largely inherited their genetic tolerance for alcohol."

Yeah, this doesn't really explain that super-species of excessively-cerebral alcohol-allergic people you encountered in college who are now entirely too accomplished to hang out with you, but, you know, fuck 'em, right?

Earlier: Who's Sabotaging Your Relationships? It Could Be Darwin, But You're Probably Too Distracted To Care

• Hey, remember how we were going to, like, tax oil companies more and stuff? Yeah, not gonna happen anytime soon. [Washington Post]
• But, hey, monkeys can fish! So, as long as we don't eat all the fish or kill all the monkeys before we drive ourselves into extinction, they can totes rule the world later. [AP]
• Yes, that was a cheap distraction before I told you that we're totally fucked in Afghanistan and no one has any idea what to do about it. [Washington Independent]
• But that's ok, because Obama might pick Ret. Gen. James Jones, the former NATO Supreme Allied Commander, as VP, because now the Democratic party is all about getting the military dudes on the take so they can look "strong" and shit. Only, the story is actually complete bullshit because he's already a McCain adviser and someone is laughing at MSNBC besides me. [MSNBC, Politico]

• In other news of the stupid, Republican Senator James Inhofe of Oklahoma has crowned himself the new Miss South Carolina by releasing a commercial trumpeting his foreign policy credential: "Ethiopia. Zambia. Iraq. Twenty-nine intense trips in 12 years to the front — to the saddest parts of Africa." Oh, wait, where's Iraq again? [Washington Independent]
• And, apparently we're going to try to make all the lefty protesters crap their pants at once at the conventions this summer. Oh, that's a brilliant idea. Better shitting than shouting? [Fox News]
• But in good news, Republicans in the Senate have now defined electoral success in November as only losing eight seats to the Democrats. If they lose 9, they can't even filibuster, which is the only thing they give a shit about doing anyway. [HuffPo]
• And, just to mess with you, McCain said today, "I will veto every single beer." Damn that man, even if he is willing to call his home turf a swing state. [CNN, Washington Independent]

• Fabulous CNN reporter Richard Quest (my pretend British boyfriend), was picked up early this morning in Central Park and charged with possessing meth. Oh, Richard. You already overcame the hazards of British dentistry once, why would you risk your teeth again? [NY Times]
  
• In what is rapidly becoming a roll call of disappointment, journalists call out Snuffleupagus and Charlie Gibson for their shoddy debate performance. Isn't it elitist to care if the debate was less than substantive, guys? [The Nation]
  
• Speaking of things that are bound to disappoint others, Bill Clinton's former Labor Secretary Robert Reich endorsed Obama today. For those people counting, that's now five former Clinton Cabinet secretaries (Reich, Richardson, Peña, Daley and Mineta) supporting Obama and 2 openly supporting Clinton (Albright and Cisneros). You may hate the Bushies, but, damn, do they understand loyalty better than the Clintonistas. [Robert Reich's Blog via NY Magazine, HuffPo, WaPo, HuffPo and HillaryClinton.com]

• Dean's disappointed that the superdelegates can't make up their damn minds already. [CNN]
• And women everywhere ought to be disappointed that the Supreme Court ruled last year that we only get 6 months to notice pay discrimination if we want to ever sue for it, or that Congress has, to date, neglected to pass a little law needed to stop that bullshit. [Nation, ACLU]
• Girls in the wacky polygamist "she bleeds, she breeds" cult are too scared of disappointing God to refuse marriage or sex, not that they're old enough to legally consent anyway. [MSNBC]
• Oh, and wonder how the culties paid for all of their ranch-y-ness? With your tax dollars, courtesy of the Pentagon and the cult's own defense supply company, to the tune of $1.7 million over the last 10 years. Bet you're that much more disappointed about paying your taxes this week. [CNN]
• Clinton's undoubtedly disappointed that the latest national polls show Obama beating her by a handy margin, and the latest Pennsylvania polls show them almost neck and neck heading into the weekend. [Newsweek, Rasmussen]
• Screw it, the only person not disappointed right now is my dad, who's just happy that Obama likes beer just as much as Hillary. I, however, think they both got it wrong and that it's time for a glass of wine. [Chicago Tribune, Post-Tribune]

Related: Football...For Ladies [Radar]
2008 Lingerie Bowl Canceled [UPI]

[Image via Oh! My God! I Miss You ]