Bedding - Jezebel

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The Secret
"The High Altar Of The Temple Of Love"
Bedtime Stories
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Pottery Barn, Anthropologie & West Elm: Bedding Porn For Sleepyheads
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BetteD
08/31/09

In reply to The Secret
My "Happy Marriage" blanket contains extra internal pockets for storing liquor, epidermis-permeable thorazine lotion (on the husband side), and a built in vibrator in juuuust the right spot on my side.

Why yes I've composed a sketch of said blanket, would you like to see?
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likepenguins
08/31/09

In reply to The Secret
Okay, okay, but where is the blanket that automatically negates the furnace-like properties of the guy in my bed? How can one person put out that much body heat?

I want an electric blanket lined in ice.
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anteup
08/31/09

@likepenguins:
Nothing like waking up to a sweaty ass and a dude clinging to your back.

Story of my life.
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la.donna.pietra
08/31/09

In reply to The Secret
I can attest to the fabulous, relationship-supporting properties of dual climate-control in our car.
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Penny
08/31/09

@la.donna.pietra: My Volvo has dual climate control AND bun warmers. I will never own another car without the bun warmers, they are heaven.
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la.donna.pietra
08/31/09

@Penny: We have bun warmers, too. Right up there with chocolate on the "great inventions" list.
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Ipomoea
08/31/09

In reply to The Secret
You can pry our two-control electric blanket out of my warm, feeling fingers.
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Penny
08/31/09

In reply to The Secret
Okay, I grew up on the foggy, damp Northern California coast (think London weather) and always owned one of these. When I visit my grandma I crank that baby up first thing--I LOVE ELECTRIC BLANKIES!
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BlueJeans
08/31/09

In reply to The Secret
I'm far too terrified to buy one of these. Because I am a person who worries, daily, that a hair implement or my coffee pot is going to burn down my apartment building.

Why yes, I am 2-3 minutes late for work every morning.
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BabyJane
08/31/09

@BlueJeans: Don't forget about the iron. That's the one that most often causes me to return home.
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Edited by BabyJane at 08/31/09 6:57 PM BabyJane was starred BabyJane was unstarred

mic42
08/31/09

@BlueJeans: I wanted one of these when I was young so bad, but my mom wouldn't buy one for me because she was convinced it would burn the house down... In fact, I doubt she'd buy me one now...
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cocobanal
08/31/09

In reply to The Secret
But how, Sadie? How has it changed your parents' lives?
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BabyJane
08/31/09

@cocobanal: Perhaps, it's the dual controls? My grandmother was always cold and my grandfather was always hot, so for them, it was perfect.
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Edited by BabyJane at 08/31/09 6:48 PM BabyJane was starred BabyJane was unstarred

Ipomoea
08/31/09

@cocobanal: My husband's ideal bed temperature is somewhere between "brisk" and "frostbite", whereas I require something warmer. There have been nights without power in the winter where he's slept like a log and I've literally shivered, despite being in sweats and under multiple blankets.
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Uncommon Whore
03/27/09

In reply to "The High Altar Of The Temple Of Love"
She's a lady of exquisite taste? Sounds like a reference to Prince's Adore to me. If so... LOVE YOU Intern Katy.
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rd2uk
03/27/09

In reply to "The High Altar Of The Temple Of Love"
Is this bed from the IKEA GUIMARD collection?
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Mary McCarthyite
03/27/09

@rd2uk: LOL assembly required.
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ellaesther
03/27/09

@Mary McCarthyite: Wait. You have to assemble the bed, or the LOL? Because the former always comes with directions.
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Mary McCarthyite
03/27/09

@ellaesther: I think I need to flip the word order and punctuate. :)

Imagine what else would be in the IKEA showroom with this bed: Bear rugs! Candelabra! Chandeliers!
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MarissaExplainsItAll
03/27/09

In reply to "The High Altar Of The Temple Of Love"
Katy, stop tempting me w/ beds. I'm sick and have no more sick hours!
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Remedios Varo can't see no huevos.
03/27/09

In reply to "The High Altar Of The Temple Of Love"
Y'know what we need more of? Canopy beds. Those things are the shit, if mostly because I like sleeping in things that resemble personal forts.
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neurotickitten
03/27/09

@Remedios Varo can't see no huevos.: I love canopy beds, especially the kind with thick curtains all around to keep out any light.
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Remedios Varo can't see no huevos.
03/27/09

@neurotickitten: Oh man, that's like total furniture porn for me.
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undomesticgoddess doesn't sleep a wink
03/27/09

@neurotickitten: I want that bed!
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ellaesther
03/27/09

In reply to "The High Altar Of The Temple Of Love"
Ok, history smarties out there:

Was being a courtesan a good thing, at the time? At the time, if you held that position, were you relatively free, relatively well-cared for, relatively powerful, etc. -- or were you treated like fancy hooker? I'm guessing it depended on the company you were in -- average people might have looked askance, but in your own life and profession, you may have had some amount of autonomy and power that made the whole thing worth it -- but I am TOTALLY guessing at this point.

Don't mind me, I'm a geek.
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Mary McCarthyite
03/27/09

@ellaesther: You raise a compelling point. Not sure of answer, exactly, but I do remember paintings from my art history courses in which courtesans were depicted wearing jewels and fancy clothes (i.e. "celebrated" by their patrons). But then I recall Manet's "Olympia" which sort of throws a wrench into that theory...
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bluebears
03/27/09

@ellaesther: I'm sure a bunch people are gonna rush in here and disagree with me. But I really don't think it was a good thing. You were a fancy hooker. Once some dude got tired of you you were out on your ass. And don't even think about trying to age. This idea of these women as powerful, in charge of their own sexuality women is hollywood bullshit. not that being a wife was a good option either. basically the olden days sucked really hard for women regardless. weirdly I think if I had to choose I would have joined a religious order.
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Mary McCarthyite
03/27/09

@bluebears: Yup. Cf. Emile Zola's "Nana."
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rd2uk
03/27/09

@ellaesther: hmm while I sort of agree with everything thats been said so far, I think a courtesans status and lifestyle was largely determined by her 'parton' and how he felt about her. There are many examples of courtesans that were cared for and even loved by their patrons who were married to their wives for convenience/alliance rather than intimacy etc. There are also very many examples of courtesans wielding immense power in courts (I'm thinking the mughal and russian courts in particular), which again, depended on the power/wealth/feelings of their patrons.

But, I think, a large majority of these women weren't all that powerful or well treated.
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Mary McCarthyite
03/27/09

@rd2uk: Substitute the words "patrons" and "courtesans" for "masters" and "slaves" and we've got a whole new argument...
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ellaesther
03/27/09

@ everyone: Thank you! Heavens I love how smart the people are on this site.

Whenever people talk about the good old days and wanting to return there-to, I just think: Nope. Not me. I like my right to vote, my right to go to Harvard, and the fact that no one likes the KKK anymore. I'll stay right here. (Plus: Better health care and more coffee).
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rd2uk
03/27/09

@Mary McCarthyite: good point, but keep in mind that many of the 'courtesans' (in the mughal and russian courts, at least) were from wealthy/powerful families themselves and didnt *have* to continue their uh service if they didnt want to. There are actually more than a few accounts of courtesans leaving their service to marry etc.

@ellaesther: I too am grateful for my right to go to harvard..although sometimes I feel like I'v learned more in 3 years post-harvard than i did in m6 5 years there. school of life more valuable than harvard? you dont say!
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ellaesther
03/27/09

@rd2uk: (I didn't actually even go there...! But I seem to recall that they started letting women in really, really late. Or maybe that was just letting them live on campus? Anyway. I went to the University of Chicago for graduate school, so I'm fairly geeky anyway).
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Rare Affinity
03/27/09

@ellaesther: Very few women made successful careers as courtesans. By its very nature, youth and beauty were at a premium and both faded fast in 18th century life. That and the fact you were vulnerable to a range of sexual diseases. Moreover if you originally came from a humble background you might well find yourself maintaining an extravagant lifestyle which soon vanished along with your looks and your lovers. The idea of putting money aside for a rainy day did not seem to have occured to them. Even courtesans of the highest rank could find themselves ceremoniously dumped by their royal lover when it was expedient. Also such women were forever shunned from polite society. However a charmed few did grow incredibly wealthy and even married Dukes or became Duchesses in their own right. Indeed many English aristocratic families owe their titles to an ancestress lying back and thinking of England when the King came a calling with his royal orbs and sceptre.
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Macloserboy
03/27/09

In reply to "The High Altar Of The Temple Of Love"
She also kept the Moet and Chandon in her pretty cabinet.
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Mary McCarthyite
03/27/09

@Macloserboy: Well-versed in etiquette!
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undomesticgoddess doesn't sleep a wink
03/27/09

@Macloserboy: Guaranteed to blow your mind (anytime)!
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morninggloria
03/27/09

In reply to "The High Altar Of The Temple Of Love"
Imagine what would happen if someone died in this bed on a CSI-like show, and they took the blacklight to it only to find that the entire thing was covered with semen. Cut to commercial. Return from commercial. They're trying to use their magical super advanced semen-grabbing machine to extract DNA from fibers on bed. Sexy scientist announces to Sexy But Weird Head Investigator that there is semen from 30 different men on the bed, but none of them are in the database. Cut to commercial. Return. A bunch of stuff happens and they realize that the bed is from olden times and many of the men who sexed on that bed did so while wearing top hats, and somehow the killer had some weird top hat fetish, and they found him at a top hat convention in Vegas. The killer looks like Snidley Whiplash.
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PaintedTrollop
03/27/09

@morninggloria:

Oh, cum on - you're ruining my fantasies.
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dasNeonlicht
03/27/09

@PaintedTrollop: She jizz't couldn't help it.
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PaintedTrollop
03/27/09

@dasNeonlicht:

Oh, now that really spurts.
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Fridge Hussy : Is finally heading back to uni!
03/27/09

In reply to "The High Altar Of The Temple Of Love"
Now all I can think of is David Tennant in 'Casanova.'
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GlinCastleGirl
03/27/09

@Fridge Hussy Is A Lot of Look: And now that I'm thinking about David Tennant, I'm not going to get any work done the rest of the day.
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Fridge Hussy : Is finally heading back to uni!
03/27/09

@GlinCastleGirl: Love of D-Ten = instant friending!
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