• You've heard it before, you'll hear it again: Madonna and Guy: DIVORCE! They want it over by Christmas, says a source. [The Sun]
• Madonna actually wanted to wait until the end of her tour to announce the split. [Mirror]
• And! The divorce settlement could leave Guy Ritchie pocketing up to £150 million. There was no pre-nup! [Daily Mail]
• Here's a chronological "diary" of the events leading up to the divorce. [Mirror]
• Oh, but Madonna's cast was impressed with her dedication on the set of Filth And Wisdom. Lead actress Holly Weston says: "Everything had to be perfect. I think she was even there before us in the morning." [Daily Express]
• Mothers Against Murder and Aggression (MAMA) are "horrified" that Madonna wore Karl Lagerfeld shoes with gun-shaped heels to her film premiere. [Daily Express]

• Hayden Panettiere's dad has been temporarily ordered not to "harass, strike or threaten" his wife. Temporarily??? [People]
• By the by, Hayden Panettiere wants you to smoke cigarettes and vote for John McCain. [Funny Or Die]
• Blake Lively, Penn Badgley and some other kids are backing Barack Obama in a pretty funny MoveOn video. [StarPulse]
• Speaking of Blake Lively, her father was critically injured in a car wreck late Tuesday night. Blake flew to L.A. yesterday to be by his side: actor Ernie Lively has a broken back, arm and nose. "It was pretty bad — he's lucky to be alive," says a source. [Star]
• Blake's dad is expected to make a full recovery. [Us Magazine]
• What's this? Even John McCain thinks Sarah Palin is gonna be on SNL. [MSNBC]
• Jennifer Aniston and John "The Player" Mayer had dinner Saturday night New York. Is it back on? Are they just friends? [People]
• Jen and John had dinner Sunday night in New York as well. Reunited, and it feels so good! [Page Six]
• Holy crap: Britney's going on tour next spring? It would be her first time since 2004. Well, touring is where the cash is. The lady has kids to feed. [Reuters]
• Christina Aguilera says she's having more kids. Definitely. And: "I'm in love with my life." And: "I think it's important to share what I love – what makes me me – with my son. So. I change diapers and I breastfeed him and I play with him and then I work. I want to show Max everything about me." [People]
• Liz Taylor has become a regular at The Abbey, the hottest gay bar in West Hollywood. A source says: "She talks to everyone and everybody just loves her. She particularly likes watermelon martinis and tequila shots." [Daily Express]
• Between building homes for people displaced by Katrina, dabbling in photography and donating $100,000 to support gay marriage in California, Brad Pitt doesn't seem very interested in Hollywood. [ABC News]
• Holly Madison wanted to have kids with Hugh Hefner, so she did everything she could. Yeah, she slept with him. And! She tried fertility treatments. [Extra]
• Demi Moore will make her directorial debut, and the flick will star her daughter, Rumer. It's a 20-minute short film for Glamour's Reel Moments project. [ONTD]
• Someone actually paid $20,000 to box with Michael Lohan. Well, it is for charity. The dude is Robert Venero, president and CEO of Future Tech Enterprise in Holbrook, Long Island. He also bought 50 seats at $150 each so his friends can watch the fight. It all goes down November 24th at the Hilton Long Island in Melville. The rumble is a bungle! [Perez Hilton]
• DJ AM will appear on tour with Jay-Z tonight at the Hollywood Palladium in a big comeback move. [Perez Hilton]
• Colin Farrell has opened up about his stint in rehab on the BBC's Friday Night With Jonathan Ross: "I began to come out of the haze that I was in and had burrowed myself into so deeply...Basically, I'd been fairly drunk or high since I was 14. I was very drunk and high for 16 years, so it was a tough life change, and I was dying. I'm one of the lucky ones." The video is worth watching for his fascinating eyebrows alone. [E!]
• Meredith Vieira stubbed her big toe pretty badly and the financial crisis is to blame. [NY Observer]
• The lawyer who reps Anne Hathaway's ex, Raffaello Follieri, is trying to get him less jail time. She wants to speed up his deportation back to Italy and reduce his prison sentence from 5 to 3 years. She also calls him "deeply religious" and mentions his sick mother in Italy. He picked a good one. [Reuters]
• Ashlee Simpson's mom is moving in for a few days — or weeks — to help out after Ash gives birth. Pete Wentz is "cool with it." [Just Jared]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham will be on Gordon Ramsay's new show. Just. Can't> Picture. Her. Cooking. [The Sun]
• The son of the Beckhams' housekeepers has been arrested on suspicion of theft of items from their some that were later offered for sale on eBay. [Daily Mail]
• Reese Witherspoon and Ben Stiller will star in a "wacky disaster comedy" about a Hawaiian volcano that needs a virgin sacrifice? Well, Cameron Crowe is involved… [Perez Hilton]
• Simon Cowell sits on cushions to look taller on TV. [Perez Hilton]
• Kim Kardashian: Calls Reggie Bush her "hubby" but he's not even her fiancé. Someone said they saw that she was hitched on Facebook. "I'm not engaged," she says. "I'm not even on Facebook!" [E!]
• Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley are putting on a "united front" by going out to dinner amid split rumors, which could mean the rumors are just rumors. [Daily Express]
• Leonardo DiCaprio and Bar Refaeli: Spotted together in Cancun, then West Hollywood, then Beverly Hills. It's definitely on. [Perez Hilton]
• Sacha Baron Cohen bumped into a waiter and sent a tray of food flying all over his white suit at his birthday dinner in West Hollywood. It might have actually been real and not a joke. [Mirror]
• It seems that Nikki Ziering was pregnant when she was on Hulk Hogan Celebrity Championship Wrestling. Probably not a good idea to wrestle with a bun in the oven, no? [TMZ]
• Vanessa Redgrave and Natasha Richardson, mother and daughter, will play mother and daughter in a one-night concert version of A Little Night Music, the Stephen Sondheim-Hugh Wheeler musical. [AP]
• Gary Coleman pleaded not guilty to charges of disorderly conduct and reckless driving yesterday regarding that September incident at a bowling alley where he allegedly hit a dude with his truck who was trying to take a cell phone picture. Coleman's lawyer says: "He simply acted accordingly with what normal human beings would do." LOL. [AP]
• John Travolta was gonna film in one of Paris's toughest housing projects, but 10 cars to be used in the movie were burned. [Yahoo News]
• A photographer for UK tabloid paper The Sun spills: "Working with Madonna was fantastic… I also got to see Pink in a thong when shooting the video for one of her in a shower. I tried to avert my eyes but it was strange..." Mariah Carey is the biggest diva who "doesn’t like downward shadows on her face." [The Sun]
• Christie Brinkley is suing ex-husband Peter Cook for taking her kids out of town by single-engine plane. [NY Post]
• Tim McGraw apologizes for his greatest hits album. Not for the music, but for not releasing new tracks. Although he blames his label. [People]
• "I had just lost my virginity the year before. So to go from doing that to shooting a love scene... I remember I talked to Sean Connery about it and told him I was nervous before going in there and he just said, 'Well, all I can tell you boy is breathe, remember to breathe.'" — Christian Slater, on his first love scene, in The Name Of The Rose.
• "It's coming to a point where I love this show so much, but I'm ready to kind of walk away. I've been doing it for five years now. Five years on TV is a really, really long time. It's more difficult when not only everyone knows about your problems, but they make them worse because things escalate and things get twisted. It's hard to have an actual friendship be torn apart in the media." — Lauren Conrad, on The Hills. [Perez Hilton]
• "There is a huge boom in autism right now because inattentive mothers and competitive dads want an explanation for why their dumb-ass kids can't compete academically, so they throw money into the happy laps of shrinks…to get back diagnoses that help explain away the deficiencies of their junior morons. I don't give a [bleep] what these crackerjack whack jobs tell you - yer kid is NOT autistic. He's just stupid. Or lazy. Or both." — Denis Leary. [Page Six]

• Spencer Pratt is getting an advice column in Radar. "Yo Spencer!" will debut in the April issue; the idea is so dumb it's genius. [USA Today]
  
• The Beckhams went shopping at the Pleasure Chest adult store in Hollywood and stocked up on supplies. "They seemed to know exactly what they wanted," a witness says. What do you think was on their list? Vibes? Lube? The purple penetrator? [The Sun]
  
• Watch Britney's new anime video! [People]
  
• "It pains me to report that on the first day of the shoot, Britney knew her lines better than I knew mine," How I Met Your Mother actor Josh Radnor says. "She's been great to work with." [People]
  
• The CW network is developing a contemporary spinoff of Beverly Hills, 90210. Maybe think of it as a mashup of The OC and Gossip Girl. [The Hollywood Reporter]

• Nicky Hilton says: "There's no truth to any starvation, eating disorders rumors. I think the press has been printing a lot of pictures of me from unflattering angles. My friends see the pictures and they're like, 'Oh my god are you OK?' And then they see me, and they're like 'Oh...' It's really not that interesting or true." [MSNBC]
• Amy Winehouse's father says the fact that he had an mistress when Amy was young is partly to blame for her troubled life — he had a "work wife" while he was still married to Amy's mom. Sigh. [The Sun]
• Is Rachael Ray's syndicated show going off the air? The ratings suck. She'd still have her Food Network shows, though. Unfortch. [Page Six]
• Anne Hathaway: Into absinthe. [Page Six]
• Top Chef host Padma Lakshmi and actor Skeet Ulrich? Hot. [Page Six]
• Three blind items! 1. "Which friendly actor recently fell off the wagon? Though he's been in rehab several times, he was spotted stumbling out of a Hollywood hotel at 7 a.m. looking totally 'wasted.'" 2. "Which young soap starlet made networks execs extremely nervous when she was starting out? She was known for fooling around with her much older producers." 3. "Which Hollywood hunk cheats on his gorgeous model girlfriend all the time? They've been together for a while but he's clearly not ready to settle down." [Page Six]
• Is Paul Newman OK? He's having back problems. Be well! [Rush & Molloy]
• Melissa Joan Hart popped! The actress and her hubs welcomed their second child, a son, on Wednesday. Welcome to the world, Braydon Hart Wilkerson. [People]
• The final Harry Potter book will become two movies; the first is due in November 2010 and the second in May of 2011. [ET]
• Paul McCartney is appearing in ads for PETA — the organization that dumped his estranged wife Heather Mills last year. [Mirror]
• Speaking of Sir Paul — the judge should be ruling on his divorce — and deciding how much cash Heather will get — on Monday. [Yahoo News]
• China's Culture Ministry says it will tighten controls over foreign artists after Björk shouted "Tibet! Tibet!" at a recent concert in Shanghai. China forbids artists from performing content that "harms national unity." [Reuters]
• Patrick Swayze's mom on her son's cancer: "He just doesn't deserve it. He's got such a big heart. He's been such a good and generous and thoughtful person. It breaks my heart to know he's suffering." [Perez Hilton]

Of his "loveable metrosexual qualities," as the writer puts it — in England he's known as "The Prince of Ponce," he says: "I've always had a liking towards clothes, but when I met Victoria, she directed me in the right way. When she tells me something doesn't look good, I believe her. We have a connection that way."

Wow. Profound! So overwhelmed were we by the images of Victoria grabbing herself and David grabbing Victoria (anyone else feel like they were watching a little Othello-suffocating-Desdemona action in those bed shots?) that we might have passed over the accompanying text altogether. And in turn missed out on this most important life lesson on how to choose a mate! Note to self: When looking for husband, make sure he totally loves clothes and wants to talk about them all the time. Oh wait! We've already met this man! Several times, actually. We call him 'our gay'.

W [Magazine Rack]

• Britney's photo shoot/talk with OK! magazine was a total disaster! The interview was a "meltdown," the photos are "so bad they could kill her career," she wiped fried chicken grease on a Gucci dress and used a Chanel dress to pick up puppy poo! How badly do you want to see those pix, y'all?!?! [TMZ]
  
• Kelly Clarkson kind of regrets being so snotty to Clive Davis when he didn't like her album... since fans didn't really like it either![PageSix]
  
• O.J. Simpson's lawyer's daughter/sex tape star Kim Kardashian did something completely out of character and posed for Playboy. [PageSix]
  
• Diddy is heartbroken about his baby mama leaving him, so, naturally, he wrote a song and made a video about his pain. [PageSix]

• It's not weird that the head of Scientology went to the Beckhams' "Welcome To L.A." party thrown by Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith. It's weird that "everyone was eating cupcakes." Posh, near sugar? [PageSix]
• Are Greek families uniting against Paris Hilton? [Rush&Molloy]
• Is Usher going to marry his knocked up fiancée this weekend? [Rush&Molloy, 2nd item]
• Hilary Duff made a little girl cry. [Gatecrasher]
• Yay! Blind item: "Which rocker half of a married couple had a steady boyfriend for years before his headline-making nuptials with his famous girlfriend?" [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Paris is finally doing some charity: She went to an auction and won a surfing lesson. [People]
• Bob Barker called Drew Carey with advice on hosting The Price Is Right. [ET]
• Did Lindsay Lohan bet her friends that she could bed David Beckham? [TheSun]
• Lily Allen on Courtney Love: "One night with her made me realise why Kurt killed himself." [TheSun]
• Pete Doherty checked into rehab wearing two hats. [Mirror]
• Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe turned 18, can now spend the $19 million he's earned. He plans to buy a CD or a DVD. [Mirror]
• Snoop Dogg to Flavor Flav: "You look like one of my blunts, but smaller." [ComedyCentral]

[London, England; March 29. Image via Splash]

Is LA Ready for Victoria Beckham? [ToL]
Bespoke Like Beckham [AJC]