Helprin says the White House crashers have given "a gift to the language in the form of a richly functional verb-to Salahi." He defines the new verb thus:

To Salahi: v. U.S. [after 21st century reality-show aspirants Michaele and Tareq Salahi] 1. intrans. to gain entrance to an event or gathering to which one is not invited. "They Salahied into the Bar-Mitzvah even though they didn't know the Goldblatt boy, and ate most of the chopped-liver sculpture of Elvis." Shakespeare, Sonnet MMIX. 2. in a general sense to appear where one is not welcome. "Michael Moore Salahied into George and Laura Bush's second honeymoon to lecture the former president about justice for the undocumented immigrants held at Guantanamo." Chomsky, Profiles in Courage. 3. to forge, fake or pretend, especially in hope of achieving a contemptible or pathetic objective that is simultaneously a comment upon the corruption and distastefulness of a particular individual and society itself. trans. "To elevate his chances of becoming a Chippendales dancer, Arnold Toynbee Salahied a letter of recommendation from Rosa Luxemburg. Al Franken, An Intellectual History of the United States.

Helprin also mentions a few other famous names that have become generally used words, like Ponzi of Ponzi scheme fame. Unfortunately, he forgot Santorum — a "sexual neologism" which, Dan Savage would be glad to know, now appears before Rick Santorum's official homepage in the Google results for the name. In the spirit of both Salahi and Santorum, we'd like to propose a few of our own new verbs, based on some of this year's luminaries.

To Heene: to exploit one's children for fame and/or financial gain, esp. to do so in a ham-handed or ridiculous fashion. See also To Suleman.

To NeNe: to strangle someone at Bow Wow's mom's boutique.

To Palin: to seek a job on the basis of being unqualified for said job. "Palining" has yet to gain popularity among firefighters, nuclear power plant employees, or brain surgeons.

To Bachmann: to allege that a seemingly harmless act, like giving money to a homeless person, will result in forced abortions for millions of American teenagers.

To Snooki: to launch a dispute via craniofacial injury. See also Tycho Brahe, War of Jenkins' Ear.

To Kardashian: to marry a celebrity after a very short courtship, possibly for the benefit of a larger empire. See also Marie Antoinette.

To Beck: to believe the government is spying on citizens through any or all of the above: car navigation systems, toasters, the Internet, leafy green vegetables, the census, that little eye on the back of the dollar bill, cats. See also To Schrute.

Of course, the above list cries out for a word that refers to the very act of turning a celebrity name into a verb. Perhaps "to Helprin?"

To Salahi Or Not To Salahi . . . [Wall Street Journal]

The full bit is here:

"The naysayers will say, 'Oh, Jon, the organs don't have thoughts! They can't hatch a plan and get together and execute that plan!' Oh, really, really? They can't organize?"


If you can't see the video, all you really need to see is this:

Glenn Beck's appendix issues? Clearly, it's they're part of one giant plot, with ACORN(s), Van Jones, and Che Guevara trying to bring down the Fox News host through his own internal organs. He would know, of course: Watch him break down the pro-Communism propaganda at Rockerfeller Plaza:

They really need to rename this show "Leaps of Logic with Glenn Beck."


More leaps of logic? When Beck connects his own questions to link Obama and an Oligarchy...only, he forgot the C and the Y.

It's surprising Beck appears in public without his tinfoil hat.

It's even more surprising his show doesn't follow the Colbert Report.

November 5, 2009: The 11/3 Project [Comedy Central]
Beck's "Questions" About Obama Spell "OLIGARH" [sic] [Media Matters]

• John Mayer did not, repeat did not buy an engagement ring for Jennifer Aniston. [Us Magazine]

• In fact: John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston may have broken up. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Brad Pitt: Considering public office? [Variety]
• Chris Brown pulled out of the Kids' Choice Awards of his own accord; Nickelodeon didn't make the decision. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Chris Brown is firing his manager and looking for a "whole new team." An insider claims he wanted to apologize for the beating earlier and was advised not to… [Page Six]
• Rihanna went out clubbing in West Hollywood Tuesday night. [Concrete Loop]
• "Julia was all smiles for fans and stopped to do a few autographs, but as soon as she stepped inside the cinema her mood changed. She shouted at photographers to leave her alone then asked staff to bring her a glass of champagne before she would answer any questions." — From a spywitness report on Julia Roberts' behavior at the Duplicty premiere in London. [The Sun]
• Here, Julia Roberts dishes on 10 of her favorite leading men. [EW]
• A French "society" magazine is reporting that Prince William will marry Kate Middleton this summer. ZOMG royal wedding askjdkfflasjdk!!! [Daily Mail]
• A hospital official inspected Nadya Suleman's new house yesterday, to insure that it is safe for the octuplets. The babies will be released, two at a time, any day now. [E!]
• Noted marijuana enthusiast Michael Phelps has been interviewed by Matt Lauer; look for footage on the Today show on Friday and Sunday on Dateline. [ET]
• Jesus Luz is back in Rio. He claims he has "always" been interested in kabbalah, before ever meeting Madonna. He's going to be in Brazil for a month while waiting for his work visa, then back to New York! [Made In Brazil]
• Madonna and Guy Ritchie have come to a custody agreement regarding the kids: Rocco and David will live with Madge but guy will get regular visits and see the children in the UK during the holidays. [The Sun]
• If you miss Project Runway, Heidi Klum thinks you should do something about it: "I think that people should be demonstrating outside of [company co-chairman] Harvey Weinstein's house. If it were up to me, it would be on by now." [MSNBC]
• Prince has decided that Prince will appear on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno four times, coinciding with the release of Prince's albums, LotUSFLOW3R and MPLSoUND. Oh, and also coinciding with the last time Leno hosts. [ET]
• Ricky Gervais to appear on the finale episode of The Office? [Mirror]
• Early buzz on Sacha Baron Cohen's new flick, Bruno: "Shocking, jaw-dropping and TOTALLY FUCKING HILARIOUS." [Mother Jones]
• Joaquin Phoenix was rapping at a Miami Beach nightclub when someone in the audience started heckling him, so naturally he jumped into the crowd and had some sort of confrontation before being dragged away by security guards. Did Casey Affleck get the whole thing on video? Yes, yes he did. [Yahoo News via AP, Daily Mail]
• Mickey Rourke will be the Russian villain in Iron Man 2. [Deadline Hollywood]
• Jennifer Saunders and Dawn French spoofed Mamma Mia for Comic Relief and Sienna Miller played the Amanda Seyfried role. Click for the photo, which in itself is funny. [Daily Mail]
• Geri Halliwell dumped her fiancé, but he'd done an interview with an Italian magazine the same day — in which he talked about how much she's "changed his life." Awkward! [The Sun]
• The guy who owns the Beverly Hills mansion where MTV shot the Live From The Hills Season finale says the production company trashed his house. The damage? $158,250.07. Please don't forget the seven cents. [TMZ]
• Balthazar Getty, who recently left Brothers & Sisters, will guest star on an episode of Medium. At least he's working? [EW]
• Kiefer Sutherland used to babysit Gwyneth Paltrow. True story. [The Star]
• 50 Cent and Rick Ross are in a feud and Fiddy's latest move is to release a porn tape featuring Ross's former girlfriend. Classy! [TMZ]
• Lance Bass is a matchmaker. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Jada Pinkett Smith's school is now open, and accepting kids pre-K through sixth grade. Does it have ties with Scientology, you ask? Well, the "study technology" is that developed by L. Ron Hubbard. Pinkett Smith says the school stresses "100 per cent mastery," encouraging students to retake exams until they score 100 per cent. Fun? [Yahoo News via AP]
• Shannen Doherty will return to 90210 for the season finale, if you care. [E!]
• Ashley Jensen is definitely leaving Ugly Betty, because she just got cast as a regular on a new CBS show, Accidentally On Purpose. That's the one where Jenna Elfman plays a movie critic who finds herself "accidentally" knocked up after a fling with a younger man. [EW]
• Beck is playing a charity show tonight, with proceeds going to Educating Children International. Turns out that's a Scientology organization. If you feel icky inside, you're not the only one. [LA Times]
• Jack White of the White Stripes and the Raconteurs has a third band, the Dead Weather. The new group includes Alison Mosshart of The Kills, Dean Fertita of Queens of the Stone Age and Jack Lawrence of The Greenhornes. Album drops in June. [USA Today]
• Handsome devil Chris Cornell has a new album, produced by — wait for it — Timbaland. [Yahoo news via AP]
• Dr. Phil's wife promised some skin care company she'd get them on her husband's show. The company was so psyched, they spent $650,000 on stuff the public would surely be clamoring for. Except the products never made it to the show. So the company is suing. [TMZ]
• Kathy Griffin was booed off the stage at the Apollo Theater in Harlem. [Village Voice]
• Al Reynolds is not getting a reality show, even though he wants one. [Extra]
• If you remember the '90s, then you may remember blond bro rockers Nelson. Well Matthew is getting divorced and asking his wife for spousal support. Yeah. [TMZ]
• Blind item: "Which newly engaged lesbian would be horrified to discover her main squeeze has been sleeping around ... with men?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I've come into my own head a little bit really, being a bit more honest and open, rather than hiding in a crack pipe or wherever and just not turning up most of the time." — Pete Doherty. [The Sun]
• "Artemis has a few really great lines because she plays everything – even the humor – very straight. The one that made me laugh out loud when I read it was when she tells Hippolyta that they shouldn't have let Diana go out into the outside world. Hippolyta asks, 'What could we have done to have stopped her?' And Artemis says, 'Well I could have shot her in the leg with an arrow. Not in an artery, of course.' It's just so deadpan – she wouldn't kill her, but she would've shot her. It's so dry, and it's so honest. And I love that." — Rosario Dawson, on her role in Wonder Woman. [Toon Zone News]
• "It's amazing to me that the tabloids such as the National Enquirer print such negative stories about me and my health when there are so many positive things going on in my life right now. I've started a new chemotherapy and, once again, I am one of the lucky ones with pancreatic cancer that is responding well to the treatment." — Patrick Swayze, who denies he has reached "the end." [People]
• "I'm not quite sure why, but the strongest female characters I've found have predominantly been in period films, more than in modern-day films. At least with the stuff that's been sent to me. I love watching period movies because I think that watching films is about escapism and about fantasy and I find it easier to dive into a fantasy that I don't know anything about, you know, that I don't live day to day. I love that feeling of escapism that period films give me, and that books about different times give me, or paintings give me. But I wasn't setting out to go, 'OK, I'm only going to do period films.' I work in a very instinctual way and I respond to certain things and I have no idea why, but for some reason the last couple of films have all been period." — Keira Knightley, whose new film, Edge Of Love, is set in the 1940s and depicts the poet Dylan Thomas. [Salon]
• "You know, the company that financed this film, they came to me about two weeks before we started filming and said watch out for Malkovich, he's a badass, he will fuck you - I don't know if I'm allowed to curse - he will really, you know, ride a director into the ground. And then he showed up and he was nice and cool and funny and sweet and I never had a single problem. Kind of disappointing; I almost wish that at some point he had really let me have it, but he never did." — Director Sean McGinley, on John Malkovich. [New York Mag]
• "I hate all that calorie counting. I eat what I want and then if my weight starts to go up, I cut back. Of course, I've aged a bit in the face, but not enough to worry about it. I have common sense enough to know that if I'm nearly 70, something has to happen." — Tina Turner. [Daily Mail]

• Oh lord: Tom Ford is having a baby in 2008. It will be "biologically" his, not his partner Richard Buckley's. "I don't want to get to 75 years old and just have made a lot of dresses, done some houses." In the same interview: "I don't find a guy's cock or a woman's vagina offensive; in fact, I find them beautiful." So will he be penetrating one to achieve this demonspawn? He probably won't be able to keep them off him! "I was having sex with girls when I was 14, and that was because they were pouncing on me." [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Waris Dirie says she's super sorry about that whole "disappearance" thing last week. She said she got lost in Brussels and spent the whole three days she was "gone" walking around and sleeping in hotel lobbies since she didn't know where she was and didn't have any money. Um, Anne Heche enough for you? [MSNBC]
  
• Katoucha Niane's family is asking French police to investigate the possibility that she was murdered, despite the conclusion of accidental death by drowning from the autopsy. [Telegraph]
  
• ELLE Fashion News Editor Anne Slowey learns the whole "never put limp plumper under your eyes" lesson the hard way. [Fashion Week Daily]

• And in other ELLE news, soon-to-be-ousted International Creative Director Gilles Bensimon is very Zen about his looming departure from the fashion mag: "I'm surprised, but I'm not upset. It's not their obligation to use me [to shoot covers] and [creative director] Joe [Zee] does not have to explain anything to me....ELLE is my life. I've been there since I was 23 years old. I will be at ELLE until the last month, the last minute. I'm not upset at [editor-in-chief] Robbie [Myers], really. I don't want to hate people. Hate makes you weak." [Chic Report]
• And in other inspiring news, Diane von Furstenberg is thinking about writing a book about her mother, a Holocaust survivor. When her mother was forced to leave her home, en route to the first of three concentration camps she would be put in, she threw a note into the street which read, "I don't know where I'm going but I want you to know I'm leaving with a smile." [WWD, 1st item]
• Color us shocked: Rihanna says she wants to do her own clothing line. [Sunday Mirror]
• Even better: roses with the Louis Vuitton logo stamped onto them! [Inventor Spot]
• Kate Moss's personal assistant has resigned to have a baby and now Kate Moss is crying, saying her life is over. Oh Kate, maybe you'd be less hysterically self-absorbed easier if you had kids of your own...I mean... [Daily Mail]
• Beck's wife Marissa Ribisi will be showing her Whitley Kros collection at L.A. Fashion Week, which will also play host to Nicky Hilton and Lauren Conrad's shows. [LATimes]
• Urban Outfitters: It grows. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Nike: Feigning concern over the fact that some of its shoes are made in Chinese factories that are not held to the labor standards upheld by the Nike brand. [FT]
• Brace yourselves, Dubai: Bloomingdales is headed your way! [WWD, sub req'd]
• Feathers: Big for fall. Animal rights groups: Unhappy. [Independent]
• Is Colette Dinnigan doing a lingerie line for Target? And if so, will it only be for Target Australia? Wait, there's Target in Australia? [Sassybella]

I'm asking for a comment dump! A misery playlist with your patheticmost songs, lyrics, and how they make you feel. I.e. the part of Mariah Carey's Shake It Off, where she goes "Hold up, my phone's breakin up, lemme hang up and call the machine right back" was consistently for a good three months the sole source of mirth in my life; a moment of dumbass levity in the midst of a sea of songs about dead boyfriends and the tears of a clown.