Jezebel
clips
Posts Tagged “
Beauty Pageants
”
Foreign Affairs
The Miss Nyampinga beauty contest, in which students from Rwandan universities and colleges compete, presents a unique challenge in a country ripped apart by genocide. There is tension over defining beauty in Rwanda, reports The Christian Science Monitor. During the 1994 genocide, "the first fact was to see the nose to tell if this is a Tutsi or this is a Hutu," says Cyrille Nshimiyimana, a second-year medical student. Can a beauty pageant help in a country where previously, you could be killed if your nose was too wide? Mr. Nshimiyimana says of the winner: "She must be pretty, in her face and body… She must have small eyes. But we don't look at the nose. Here in Rwanda, we have a problem [with] the nose." The contestants are also all "Milan-model thin," which some students think is not an accurate representation of Rwandan women. We understand their frustration! [Christian Science Monitor]
clips
'Miss USA' Marketers: Watch This Pageant Cuz Pretty Chicks Are Idiots!
It's taken us a while to get around to this, but the new commercial for the Miss USA pageant — airing on NBC on April 11 — is sort of a mindfuck. Instead of sweeping previous embarrassing moments under the rug, NBC is embracing them and encouraging TV watchers to tune in because they might just see a beautiful woman slip and fall on her ass, or babble on about "the Iraq." Such as. Sure, they use the tagline, "Anything can happen — because it's live", but really, they're gleefully humiliating and mocking the girls who participate as well as their own damn programming. Correct me if I'm wrong. Clip above.
Global Beauty
The "Miss Landmine Survivor" pageant will be held April 2nd in Luanda, Angola, reports the BBC. The contest, organized by Angola's de-mining commission, aims not only to give victims confidence, but to raise awareness. Millions of mines were planted in Angola during a 27-year civil war that ended in 2002. Tens of thousands of Angolans have lost limbs or suffered injuries from mines and the UN says that millions of landmines remain hidden in the country. Eighteen women will take part in the pageant: One from every province in the country. All of the contestants have been maimed by mines. [BBC News]
Congratulations to teen Chloe Marshall, who was just crowned Miss Surrey yesterday! This means that Chloe will be the first ever size 16 female to compete in the finals of the Miss England beauty pageant, which takes place in July. [Daily Mail]
clips
Crowned: The Sincere Sexy Reds Choke During Show Finale
Between Laura's freakouts and temper tantrums and Patty's puking and love of hamburger meat, the Sincere Sexy Reds are easily the break-out stars of Crowned. They were consistent in their performances during challenges for the whole season — whether it was choreographed aerobic routines or singing at a pitch that only canines could hear — which made them a favorite of the judges. So it was kind of surprising that the Type-A pair totally choked under the pressure of the final competition, coming in fourth place last night. Clip above.
clips
Miss America 2008: Paris Hilton Is The New "World Peace"
This year, the Miss America pageant was given a "modern makeover," wherein the newly crowned young lady wouldn't be considered less of a "beauty queen" and more of an "it girl." Included in the modernization were bluejeans on stage, an absence of choreographed group dance numbers, a reality show tie-in, and a new format for the final question segment. Traditionally the judges ask the final questions, but this year they were asked by "people on the street" (which, in this case, wasthe Vegas strip) in pre-taped segments. Almost all of the questions involved either Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Jamie Lynn or Britney Spears. And even when the questions didn't, the contestants made sure to name-check them in their answers. (The young woman who actually won answered a question about AIDS.) Clip above.
Earlier: God Save The Beauty Queen: Live Blogging Miss America 2008
miss america
God Save The Beauty Queen: Live Blogging Miss America 2008
Did you know that the Miss America pageant this year was advertised as the finale to the TLC reality show Miss America Reality Check, rather than as the iconic, needless pageant? Me neither until tonight. I would protest and burn my bra, but I don't wear one when I blog. Is anyone else home on Saturday night watching this thing? Anyway, let's get it started. More »
clips
Crowned: The Women Get Ugly, Stupid, And Puke-y
Last night on Crowned, we came dangerously close to losing the Sincere Sexy Reds. Could you imagine how suckass next week's big, studio audience finale would have been without them? Anyway, last night they did not disappoint: Laura got bitchy and essentially called the other girls ugly, then cried later on when she realized she might be stupid. But best of all, the ladies of the house threw a cocktail party, and Patty had one too many and ralphed while sitting in a white chair. Clip above.
clips
Crowned: Pageant Losers Run Away From Bedazzled Scissors
We always thought that beauty queens took pageants so seriously that the rituals and rigamarole involved were treated as sacred. But perhaps that doesn't count for pageants on reality shows like Crowned. Not to be too much of a cheeseball (is that even possible in comparison to this show?), but it turns out that the team Beauty Is Skin Deep was aptly named. Mother and daughter team Angela and Tenia have pretty much been mean jerks the whole time in the house, loudly mocking the other contestants' physical attributes and lack of money. Last night, when Beauty Is Skin Deep was eliminated, they turned up their noses at the notion at having to de-sash themselves with the bedazzled scissors — even though every other team has — saying they wouldn't participate because they were "forever beauty queens." "Forever assholes" is more like it.
An observant shopper tipped us off to this T-shirt, inspired by our gal Lauren Caitlin Upton, Miss Teen South Carolina, and her answer to a question about maps. And in case you forgot, here's it is transcribed: "I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and The Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the US should help the US or should help South Africa and should help The Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for our children." [Busted Tees]
clips
The Best Child Beauty Pageant Coaches Are Queens
When we posted a clip on Christmas Eve of Swan Brooner from Living Dolls: The Making of a Child Beauty Queen, we were psyched to see you guys were as enthusiastic about this documentary as we are. We love it — like, psychotically. We figured we'd give you another taste, this time, a clip of Shane King and Michael Butler, "business" partners who run a pageant coaching service providing choreography, hair, makeup, and glamour shots. Or, as they put it, they take "an ugly girl and make her look beautiful." It's kinda hard to choose which is more awesome: Shane's dance routine or when the mother, who looks like she got her hair cut by Edward Scissorhands, describes her relationship with her 5-year-old son as "wearing him like wet underwear," and then ponders the financial decision of keeping her boy in beauty pageants or getting him Human Growth Hormone. More »
american titocracy
Miss France Feels Heat; Miss USA The Next James Frey
Pageant contestants never cease to be reliable sources of diva debauchery/ inevitable redemption. The latest tale of beauty queens gone wild comes courtesy of Miss France, 22-year old Valerie Begue. Having just won her title three weeks ago, Begue is battling criticism following the release of the inevitable "sexy" photos making their way around the Internets. (One photo, oddly enough, features Begue "licking what appeared to be yogurt or evaporated milk." Shades of Miss New Jersey!) Perhaps she could use some advice from former Miss USA Tara Conner? Conner, who, in 2006, was caught doing lines and chugging 40's like it was nobody's business and given a "second chance" by Miss USA pageant-owner Trump, has just signed a lucrative book deal for a memoir on her time in rehab, she announced this morning. More »
yule blog
Swan Brooner: Child Beauty Queen, Not-So-Merry "Holiday Barbie"
The Christmas season is supposed to be a happy time for kids who are looking forward to an orgy of toys, sweets, and time off from school. But for some kids, there are much more important matters at hand this time of year; ones that carry grave consequences — like fucking up your modeling in the Christmaswear competition in the America's Most Gorgeous Girls Mini-national Pageant after your mother worked 'round the clock for weeks on your costume, left her 2-year-old baby, teenage daughter and juvenile delinquent son in the care of her creepy older boyfriend, and invested thousands of dollars the family doesn't have to make her dream come true for you. Such is the case in this clip with 5-year-old Swan Brooner, as depicted in the 2001 documentary Living Dolls: The Making of a Child Beauty Queen. More »
clips
Crowned: The "Sincere Sexy Reds" Are Unintentionally Hilarious
Last night on Crowned, the lines were drawn between "positivity and negativity." That just means that two cliques — essentially the mean girls and nice girls — were recognized. On the negative side are Patty and Laura, the team formally known as the "Red Bombshells" but now going by "Sincere Sexy Reds". Seriously, they're really our faves. With their energy, possible shared eating disorder, mockery of other contestants, and the way they speak, move and blink, they're like cartoon characters! In the clip above, watch as they join forces with another "negative" team to talk shit on one team for having ugly noses. Afterwards, the pair perform an aerobics routine choreographed by Laura, for which Patty inexplicably seems to be holding her cheeks the whole time. Also: Doesn't Patty remind you just a little of Mona from Who's the Boss?
clips
When the most recent season of ANTM ended last night, we were afraid there wouldn't be anything to fill the hole left in our hearts that we reserve for campy, beauty-based elimination reality shows — until 30 seconds later when Crowned premiered. On the show, mother/daughter pageant queen teams share a house and compete — in front of a panel that consists of Carson Kressley, Shanna Moakler, and some lady that is not Beverly Johnson — to win a grand prize of $100,000. At the end of each episode, a team is "de-sashed" ceremoniously with a pair of jewel-encrusted scissors. It's really kind of awesome. The teams don't disappoint, either. They're totally a bunch of characters. In the clip above, get a load of standouts Lauren and her mom Patty... who might just have a shared eating disorder.
Crowned: We'll Let Beauty Queens Replace Top Models For Now
When the most recent season of ANTM ended last night, we were afraid there wouldn't be anything to fill the hole left in our hearts that we reserve for campy, beauty-based elimination reality shows — until 30 seconds later when Crowned premiered. On the show, mother/daughter pageant queen teams share a house and compete — in front of a panel that consists of Carson Kressley, Shanna Moakler, and some lady that is not Beverly Johnson — to win a grand prize of $100,000. At the end of each episode, a team is "de-sashed" ceremoniously with a pair of jewel-encrusted scissors. It's really kind of awesome. The teams don't disappoint, either. They're totally a bunch of characters. In the clip above, get a load of standouts Lauren and her mom Patty... who might just have a shared eating disorder.
clips
The worst part about child beauty pageants aren't the whored-up little girls—it's the moms who do it to them. The best part about child beauty pageants are the titles that are given out, like "Star National Star Grande Supreme," and the names of the actual pageants. On the E! special Pageant Moms Unleashed, little girls (and their moms) competed in the Magical Dream World Pageant, which sounds like it should be comprised of sugar and spice and things that are nice, but, uh, no. In fact, it's held in the conference room of some cheap hotel, on a stage that's made of two by fours covered in flame-retardant carpet. In the clip above, a gay man with manicured eyebrows named Mr. Mykel coaches a group of little girls into "winning" mediocre titles in the event, and a group of moms rip apart another little girl's "performance." They didn't like her beauty. Yeah, they really said that.
Mothers Who Enter Their Daughters In Beauty Pageants Are A Special Breed
The worst part about child beauty pageants aren't the whored-up little girls—it's the moms who do it to them. The best part about child beauty pageants are the titles that are given out, like "Star National Star Grande Supreme," and the names of the actual pageants. On the E! special Pageant Moms Unleashed, little girls (and their moms) competed in the Magical Dream World Pageant, which sounds like it should be comprised of sugar and spice and things that are nice, but, uh, no. In fact, it's held in the conference room of some cheap hotel, on a stage that's made of two by fours covered in flame-retardant carpet. In the clip above, a gay man with manicured eyebrows named Mr. Mykel coaches a group of little girls into "winning" mediocre titles in the event, and a group of moms rip apart another little girl's "performance." They didn't like her beauty. Yeah, they really said that.
broadsides
Shrinking Violets Have Shrinking Life-Spans
- A new study indicates that women who keep quiet during marital disputes have an increased risk of dying from heart disease compared to women who speak their minds. Oh Katie, you're so doomed. [LA Times]
- Thinking about getting pregnant? Want a baby girl? Get stressed. Want a baby boy? Get fat. [DailyMail, ScienceDaily]
- Nearly 96% of all women and girls in Egypt are subjected to some form genital mutilation. Though the country's Health Ministry outlawed the practice over a decade ago, they created a massive loophole for "emergencies". [NY Times]
- Cervarix, HPV vaccine alternative to Gardasil, has been approved for sale across the European Union. Hopefully the US will be next, as Cervarix is available for women above the age of 27, unlike Gardasil. [Wall Street Journal]
